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Look, I enjoy your posts and your compassion. But I don't do "guilt" or "martyrdom". No one should be jelly of me. I'm as big a sinner as ever a sinner there was. I'm not looking for acolytes, but I always welcome buds. But like anyone, I appreciate speaking for myself and not having others presume to know what I think or feel. If that makes me Big B-i-t-c-h Fluffy? Then so be it. But we all have a right to our own narrative and I won't be pushed or manipulated through martyrdom. My mom was the queen of that BS Sh*t Show and I never bought into it then and won't start now at 55.

Really, reading all of this is really helpful and for the first time in 10 years I feel hopeful. I didn’t know why I wasn’t losing baby weight and worked my butt off only to be really discouraged. So having another baby (7years ago) didn’t help lol I first wanted to know why I swelled so bad (water retention) and why I was working so hard to lose and NOTHING was helping...I was so tired of dr’s telling me to just lose weight and take a water pill....ugh...Phentermine was the only thing that helped but only about 15-20 lbs. it has since been brought to my attention that my condition, while trying supplements, people only lose the 10-15 lbs and it’s mostly Water weight. So a year ago I suggested to my PC that I see an endocrinologist...right away he knew...I swear I heard angles! After trying metformin, saxenda and diet restrictions I think I only lost 5 lbs and gained that + some. Dr said “well maybe we try WLS”....I was devastated...bc in my mind I was still smaller...but after I cried and prayed I looked into it. It is now a growing treatment for PCOS sufferers! I was gonna talk to him at my next appointment but before I could have a chance he said it again and made the referral. I went to the seminar and left there with SO MUCH HOPE! I am so anxious s excited and nervous lol I do believe it is God sent....

Mines didn’t! I have BCBS of IL. I only had to do those requirements, bc of the hospital I was going to get it done at required it. Good luck!!

1 week out and I feel great! No different that pre surgery! I'm able to meet protein and liquid goals (I'm still on full liquids). The first couple of days were not fun because of gas but once that was resolved I have been great. I took pain pills for the first 2 days bc of gas but nothing, not even Tylenol, since. Today is the first day I have not felt run down at the end of the day. If it weren't for the incisions I would not know I had the procedure.

So sorry to hear you have to deal with all this! Don't let the BS steal your resolve, just know that the surgery will happen but maybe not when you thought. Frustrating as all hell, but you'll get your surgery

Most of us are going to have bad days, I mean most of us are here bc we have issues with consuming too much food for the wrong reasons. I've eaten the chips and the cookies and a lot of other things I probably shouldn't have in the last 6 months, but I try to get back on the horse the next day. In the past I would let a food "failure" derail my whole program, now i try to forgive myself and do better next meal, next day etc.. In the end I eat very well 90 plus percent of the time, the weight is coming off. This is a learning process, keep striving to do better. You got this :).

No. When they called she asked if I had 3 months of “diet” and I didn’t then she said “oh never mind, insurance isn’t requiring it”...so idk of its bc of the other stuff I have going on that diet isn’t a factor...maybe?

My aunt is a size 0-2 and can indulge in anything she wants to eat, anytime. She has the genetic advantage. So I bought myself a little surgical advantage. People think that thin people look that way because they work hard and have good willpower. Sometimes that is the case. Often it is not. So there's this stigma with WLS that it's cheating because everyone wants to think they earned the right to be thin with their own hard work. Most of the time it's BS. You are giving yourself an advantage so you don't have to struggle as hard. Now there will be new struggles, restriction, vitamin deficiency, etc. You're choosing your new struggle, but no one waved a magic wand. Some people it won't be worth trying to convince. Just let them be and move along. Others will listen and their minds will be opened. Little by little, that stigma might subside, but it's not going away anytime soon.

I am about a month and a half post-surgery and things have been going well...have had energy, losing weight at a decent pace and seeing a difference but literally all my happiness went away yesterday and struggling to find it again. Just like many of us, my weight has been up and down for many, many years and I actually have a lot of clothes (some even new) that I haven’t been able to wear in the past 2 years or so bc of weight gain (again). I’ve been as small as a size 4 in the past and I have all those clothes, plus some other sizes Even though I told myself I wouldn’t do it just yet until I lost a little more, I decided to go through my closet. I know I am not a size 4 so I didn’t touch those clothes and felt ok waiting for the near future to even look at them. But what really bothered me is that I tried on a shirt I wore in 2015 when I was literally the same weight i am today (I know bc i kept track on my Fitbit the last time I went through a major exercise and diet plan and lost a whole bunch)....and it didn’t fit!!! [emoji20][emoji20] i even went back to find a picture Back in 2015 when I had the shirt on and it looks good! I am so confused. I know bodies change and all but I really thought it would and it completely crushed me. I know it shouldn’t and I should be happy with where I am at but now I am super depressed and trying to understand why. You would think that if it fit then it should fit now right? Just needed to vent bc I hope some of you understand how I’m feeling. It’s amazing how one little thing can completely take away all the positive thoughts I had about this journey and my way forward. Btw, I have lost a total of 43 lbs.

I think I will go with the truth first and if you get a bad response then use the lie....... I'm 13 mths out and I get the same bs...... Just make them lots of fattening casseroles and junk food once a week lol Sent from my LGL84VL using BariatricPal mobile app

Hi. You’re not alone. I also struggle with CFS/Fibromyalgia, inflammatory and osteoarthritis, and hypothyroidism too. I had a successful career and could no longer work. It was a position I really enjoyed so it was a double loss of a career and money. Like you, walking is the best I can do and sometimes I need a break for a week because my body hurts so much and I have such intense exhaustion. VGS was my answer to get rid of some weight too bc I am unable to exercise enough to get it off. I had gained weight initially bc I was trying to get as much as rest as possible to get better, except I never got better. Emotional eating became a pattern, although I didn’t see it at the time. My surgeon is understanding and encouraged me to focus on doing as much as I can with walking on my better days and rest on the tougher days. The third week post-op I was exhausted. The exhaustion itself caused (just like it does w/fibro) difficulty with focusing and short-term memory loss. On top of that, you are dealing with huge stressors. The stress alone could do that - add your health isssues in and there’s no wonder why you are struggling so much. There was a time years ago where my stress and exhaustion was through the roof. There was a school event where I went to talk to teachers about my son’s grades. I had recently moved and one of my new neighbors approached me and asked to be reminded of my son’s name. I needed a reminder too. I stammered trying to come up with it because my brain was exhausted. My husband finally chimed in after I looked like a fool for a minute (it felt like an eternity). My thoughts are with you with all you’ve been through. Hoping that fond memories of your Dad will brighten your darkest days 🌸

Maybe this might help someone else. I’m 7 months out from being sleeved. I enjoy a healthy carb snack at the end of my day. Mine is a homemade granola made of seeds and oats. Eaten with full milk. Well, some days as I calculate what I ate that day, I do see I am lower than I want to be on my protein. So a few times the past few days, I’ve added a scoop of plain grass fed nonflavor no sweetener whey protein powder to my granola (which I always measure in the same little cup thingy). Half a portion of protein powder, so really about 11 g. Guess what? The same exact snack I have almost every night and finish it no trouble, I CANNOT FINISH because I get that terrible fullness about half way through because I added protein powder to it. And I eat less of it. So I might not get to add the whole amount of protein to my day’s nutrients, BUT I GET THAT RESTRICTION. This might help others who sometimes worry they aren’t getting enough restriction. Try it. Add some plain protein powder to something liquid or mushy at the end of your day, or to your tv snack. Hope it helps someone else.

YES!!! This is exactly how I’ve been doing it. My mom had the sleeve done and there have been times when I’m crying bc I want something off my diet and she keeps saying “be good to yourself.” So I bought an airfryer and made my favorite thing for dinner tonight: Chicken Parm. Homemade gravy, fat free cheese, air fried and breaded in branflakes!! Was a great variation of my favorite food. Buying an airfryer was a great idea bc I don’t miss out on my favorite foods!!

It's been an interesting 5 months and thanks to each of you for all the support and kindness (and honesty) that have helped me to learn how this all works. My health: that's the reason I did this at 65. My numbers are rocking perfect-normal! All 7 of my "ologists" are thrilled beyond words, as I think they have really struggled over the years keeping my vertical! To have low total cholesterol, low normal triglycerides, and spot on A1C is a miracle. That said, I have had another small, silent stroke according to my neurologist this week. So good that I'm working towards the best health I can have. My goal: I have concluded, based on the sage words of those who at 4 years out, that my body will find its point as long as I am doing the optimum eating & exercise for health as I approach 66 years in May. My (current) issue: Control. As in I over-control. I am number driven, which isn't where I want to be. I was amazed and simultaneously appalled, that I could wear a size 6 (clothes and ring) oh, and apparently my feet were fat since my shoes are too big. (I think size charts got bigger over the years.) I log every mouthful of food in my app, and weigh every day to have a sense of what my normal fluctuations are, and then look back to see if there is a pattern of something I ate that 1) gave me toad froth & nausea; 2) caused a bump up or drop down; and 3) the silly BMI number. Conclusion: I would do this again, but way sooner! I might have avoided the failed triple bypass, and 4 strokes. Being here now is amazing, and I am grateful beyond words. And my thought is to stay on the site (as I do with my BC, ovarian, brain tumor groups) to encourage people. Annie

Hi I am new and technically Pre-Op. Last August I got hyped about getting WLS but was told by the doctor’s office my insurance didn’t cover it. Long story short they do so I went to my consultation appointment end of Dec and my Dr recommends gastric vs sleeve bc it’s the golden standard and I have acid reflux that could worsen with the sleeve. I continued on with the nutritionists appts but I really haven’t put much effort into the process bc I don’t want gastric I feel it’s way more invasive than the sleeve but I don’t want to get the sleeve and be in worse pain than I have previously been. I manage my acid reflex so I get it here and there now. My dr says I don’t have to make a decision until closer to my surgery date but I’m so scared I’m make the wrong decision and regret the surgery. So I been going back and forth is this is really for me. But then I look in the mirror and feel the pain in my legs and know I need to have one of these surgeries. Helpppp! I have 1 more Appt with the nutritionist and my Psych evaluation so I am about 3 months out bc I have to wait 6 months.

This is what you want. The most plain and healthiest grass fed whey protein powder. It’s the only one I ever get and use daily. No flavors or sugars or sweet anything. Just healthy whey protein from grass fed healthy animals. https://www.amazon.com/NorCal-Organic-Whey-Protein-Non-denatured/dp/B007B7UGHM?th=1

I was in BC for the Centennial of Confederation. Visited Vancouver, Campbell River and spent a week on Quadra Island where my penpal lived. All beautiful, I'd love to see Vancouver again and I never did get to Victoria, I would have loved to see the Gardens there. Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

Hi Kakatlady! Yes, most Canadians seem to be in Ontario in general! The Rockies are in BC but on the eastern side so not close as I'm on the coast, but closer than Alberta and Ontario. Thanks for connecting and I'll keep an eye out for the others.

Hi I'm not in BC but@ Lesliesbari is still active and lives in mountains, does the Rockies go into B.C.? Otherwise there are,2 active in Alberta, Mrs Gamgee is in Red Deer and there's another who's in Calgary. The rest of Canadians seem to be in Ontario. Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

I have a hard time taking meds bc i forget and i don’t drink enough water and protein i don’t get enough

You can definitely have another baby. But you have to wait 18 months before getting pregnant after surgery. There are a few other considerations, too. I remember reading an article.. https://www.babycenter.com/0_seven-facts-about-pregnancy-after-weight-loss-surgery_1504874.bc

I was only in hospital for 2 days so nothing really was needed. Biotene for dry mouth was only thing I wished for. Bring sweatpants so your walks are less awkward . You won’t be able to put on a shirt bc of the tubes/ wires. Hair elastic! HW 242 SW 236- December 20, 2017 CW 196 GW#1- 199 GW#2- 175 5’6”

What does it mean to be “full from within?” "This concept refers to the idea that we no longer have this psychological “black hole,” that needs to be fed through external things such as; food, drugs, alcohol, spending, relationships, gambling." ~ Dr. Colleen, The Psychology of Finally Being Full From Within To be truly full from within means that our “tank” is mentally full. In other words, our self, although beaten up, bruised, and broken sometimes as a result of our journey down each of our unique life’s path - is repaired and felt as whole again. Like a patchwork quilt that only gets stronger as a result of its many tears and reparations. How does one achieve this, you ask? Borrowing from Aaron Beck’s cognitive triangle - we have three components of the mind that work to repair the self: THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, BEHAVIORS. These are the different components that must be running on all four cylinders to ensure that we aren’t at risk of developing or perpetuating an unhealthy relationship with any of the topics mentioned above, for the purposes of this article, specifically - food. Thoughts To Repair The Self Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy is a 25 cent term to describe the process of looking at the old tapes we run in our minds day in and day out for years upon years, and stopping them in their tracks, and replacing them with new ones. A hallmark approach in Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is,” is to continuously challenge one’s thoughts by asking “is that really true?” 13 If we deem that we can’t say with absolute certainty that a thought is true, then we can replace it with a more constructive thought. For instance, if we find ourselves with a running narrative that goes something like “you are just never going to be someone that stands out, it’s ok you have other good traits,” then what is the behavior and feelings that it produces? Perhaps the person goes on feeling invisible like many people who are overweight feel. Maybe the person gives up on trying to stand out in the way they look and participate in life. Feelings To Repair The Self For my clients suffering from depression, I will often assign them a task of doing one social event, one bout of exercise (if they have never been inclined to exercise), and one learning activity (lecture, take a CE, attend a webinar, go to a pottery class, painting class, attend a speaking event). Many of them balk at the idea. Some of them have been doing things their way for years and there is an undercurrent of fear related to breaking their routine. It is almost as if the depression has a voice that says “don’t do it, you will only feel worse.” We must realize that when we have depression, our mind is sick. It is no longer serving us, and the messages are coming from crossed wires. In order to uncross those wires, we must physically and literally put one foot in front of the other and re-engage in those activities that we know from the research lead to a sense of happiness or at least contentment. Behaviors To Repair The Self One of the biggest misconceptions about our mind is the idea that we must feel a certain way to engage in certain behaviors. In other words, we must first feel happy if we are going to go to a social event and relate to others in a positive way. However, the cognitive triangle mentioned above is tri-directional14, meaning our behaviors can influence our feelings and/or thoughts, and vice versa. This is powerful information. This means that we don’t have to wait for happiness or joy to come around to engage in behaviors we know lead to more happiness. In fact, one of my first interventions with my patients who suffer from depression is the “just do it” approach, meaning they are given the task of doing three behaviors they don’t necessarily feel like doing in the six days in between their next therapy session. To explain depression via a very simple analogy- it is like the flu for the mind. What do you typically do when you have the flu? You cancel your appointments, stay in bed, drink lots of water, and get lots of rest. The reasoning is that if we minimize the number of life events for a brief bit of time, we will heal more quickly, and we do. BUT, this is not the case with depression. The same intuition we use to combat the flu is the antithesis of what we must do to combat depression, yet somehow our instincts tell us to do the opposite. When we feel depressed, our inclination is to isolate, do less, and wait for the clouds to part. The problem with this is that this type of behavior is what feeds the depression. Suggested Behaviors Benevolence - reaching out to others and getting out of our own head, focusing on how to make someone else’s life or day better through connecting or giving. Play- engaging in something that requires enough effort that we can’t run old unhelpful tapes (I’m not good enough, other people must be more disciplined than me, things will never change, etc), but provides us with enough fun that we leave the activity feeling light, like surfing, artistry, building, writing, playing an instrument, etc. When we are kids, we spend about 95% of our day playing and even trying to find play in our responsibilities (have you ever watched a kid brush their teeth or get dressed? it is never a straightforward buttoned up process). Yet, as adults - we flip that on its head and spend 95% of our time being a human doing vs. a human being. Learning- engaging in novelty is something our brain requires to feel happy and fed. It could be as simple as learning a new card game, all the way to enrolling in an MBA course. When we allow our minds to do what they are best at - our minds give back to us. Connection- We are social creatures by nature. There is a physiological rewiring process that occurs as result of being in near proximity to other humans. It is how we survived so long ago, and our minds still provide the payoff. We are not meant to live in isolation, yet so many of us drift in this direction when they are depressed. Even introverts require some social connection. While extroverts tend to thrive and recharge their batteries on social connection, it is true that introverts recharge in their solitude. However, there is a difference between being alone vs. lonely. As introverted as you may think you are, none of us are immune to going from alone to lonely if we don’t make time for some social connection. Exercise- There are about 99 reasons to exercise and happiness is one. I’m not going to waste space and wax poetic about the many benefits of exercise because I’m sure you’re well aware. But in addition to producing endorphins that have been proven to make us feel better, as far as weight loss goes- it also makes us less likely to put junk in our bodies. Ever do an intense sweat session and then make a beeline to the nearest McDonald’s? I didn’t think so.

To be truly full from within means that our “tank” is mentally full. In other words, our self, although beaten up, bruised, and broken sometimes as a result of our journey down each of our unique life’s path - is repaired and felt as whole again. Like a patchwork quilt that only gets stronger as a result of its many tears and reparations. How does one achieve this, you ask? Borrowing from Aaron Beck’s cognitive triangle - we have three components of the mind that work to repair the self: THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, BEHAVIORS. These are the different components that must be running on all four cylinders to ensure that we aren’t at risk of developing or perpetuating an unhealthy relationship with any of the topics mentioned above, for the purposes of this article, specifically - food. Thoughts To Repair The Self Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy is a 25 cent term to describe the process of looking at the old tapes we run in our minds day in and day out for years upon years, and stopping them in their tracks, and replacing them with new ones. A hallmark approach in Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is,” is to continuously challenge one’s thoughts by asking “is that really true?” 13 If we deem that we can’t say with absolute certainty that a thought is true, then we can replace it with a more constructive thought. For instance, if we find ourselves with a running narrative that goes something like “you are just never going to be someone that stands out, it’s ok you have other good traits,” then what is the behavior and feelings that it produces? Perhaps the person goes on feeling invisible like many people who are overweight feel. Maybe the person gives up on trying to stand out in the way they look and participate in life. Feelings To Repair The Self For my clients suffering from depression, I will often assign them a task of doing one social event, one bout of exercise (if they have never been inclined to exercise), and one learning activity (lecture, take a CE, attend a webinar, go to a pottery class, painting class, attend a speaking event). Many of them balk at the idea. Some of them have been doing things their way for years and there is an undercurrent of fear related to breaking their routine. It is almost as if the depression has a voice that says “don’t do it, you will only feel worse.” We must realize that when we have depression, our mind is sick. It is no longer serving us, and the messages are coming from crossed wires. In order to uncross those wires, we must physically and literally put one foot in front of the other and re-engage in those activities that we know from the research lead to a sense of happiness or at least contentment. Behaviors To Repair The Self One of the biggest misconceptions about our mind is the idea that we must feel a certain way to engage in certain behaviors. In other words, we must first feel happy if we are going to go to a social event and relate to others in a positive way. However, the cognitive triangle mentioned above is tri-directional14, meaning our behaviors can influence our feelings and/or thoughts, and vice versa. This is powerful information. This means that we don’t have to wait for happiness or joy to come around to engage in behaviors we know lead to more happiness. In fact, one of my first interventions with my patients who suffer from depression is the “just do it” approach, meaning they are given the task of doing three behaviors they don’t necessarily feel like doing in the six days in between their next therapy session. To explain depression via a very simple analogy- it is like the flu for the mind. What do you typically do when you have the flu? You cancel your appointments, stay in bed, drink lots of water, and get lots of rest. The reasoning is that if we minimize the number of life events for a brief bit of time, we will heal more quickly, and we do. BUT, this is not the case with depression. The same intuition we use to combat the flu is the antithesis of what we must do to combat depression, yet somehow our instincts tell us to do the opposite. When we feel depressed, our inclination is to isolate, do less, and wait for the clouds to part. The problem with this is that this type of behavior is what feeds the depression. Suggested Behaviors Benevolence - reaching out to others and getting out of our own head, focusing on how to make someone else’s life or day better through connecting or giving. Play- engaging in something that requires enough effort that we can’t run old unhelpful tapes (I’m not good enough, other people must be more disciplined than me, things will never change, etc), but provides us with enough fun that we leave the activity feeling light, like surfing, artistry, building, writing, playing an instrument, etc. When we are kids, we spend about 95% of our day playing and even trying to find play in our responsibilities (have you ever watched a kid brush their teeth or get dressed? it is never a straightforward buttoned up process). Yet, as adults - we flip that on its head and spend 95% of our time being a human doing vs. a human being. Learning- engaging in novelty is something our brain requires to feel happy and fed. It could be as simple as learning a new card game, all the way to enrolling in an MBA course. When we allow our minds to do what they are best at - our minds give back to us. Connection- We are social creatures by nature. There is a physiological rewiring process that occurs as result of being in near proximity to other humans. It is how we survived so long ago, and our minds still provide the payoff. We are not meant to live in isolation, yet so many of us drift in this direction when they are depressed. Even introverts require some social connection. While extroverts tend to thrive and recharge their batteries on social connection, it is true that introverts recharge in their solitude. However, there is a difference between being alone vs. lonely. As introverted as you may think you are, none of us are immune to going from alone to lonely if we don’t make time for some social connection. Exercise- There are about 99 reasons to exercise and happiness is one. I’m not going to waste space and wax poetic about the many benefits of exercise because I’m sure you’re well aware. But in addition to producing endorphins that have been proven to make us feel better, as far as weight loss goes- it also makes us less likely to put junk in our bodies. Ever do an intense sweat session and then make a beeline to the nearest McDonald’s? I didn’t think so.

I live by myself, did not have anyone stay with me. I made sure my house was prepared for when i got home, fridge prepped, house cleaned, laundry done etc. so I could relax for a few days. A friend stopped over a few days post op and did some minor chores for me (scooping cat litter, dragging garbage bins to the end of the driveway) but i could have done them myself with some discomfort. I was driving 4 days post op, mostly bc i was bored and wanted to get out of the house but I also was in school and had to attend class. The first few days are the worst then you should notice dramatic improvement each day, a week should be plenty as far as having help around. Personally, I would really try to get 2 weeks off of work if you could..i definitely needed it.