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Hello All- i posted for the first time just about three years ago with some anxieties as a spouse with my wife prepping to undergo the gastric sleeve. I originally noted being concerned about our lifestyle changes, relationship impacts (I had heard all the horror stories) and most of all health concerns into the future. The community was incredibly supportive and I had learned tips and useful knowledge that helped me coach and support my wife through it. I am happy to say we are better than we ever have been and her self confidence is through the roof. However the MAIN reason the surgery ever was even considered was to get her diabetes that started while she was pregnant with our first child and got very concerning bad with our fourth has still stuck around and caused issues….. First- this is Life changing not just for the partner getting the surgery, but the spouse too. We used to be foodies and that all had to go out the door. Same with alcohol. Two bites and you are full, a pint and you are drunk. So activities, dates, etc. and new hobbies should all be prepared for well in advance. Luckily we are both athletes and coaches and this allowed to have an outlet that wasn’t our prior foodies and beer/ brewery culture pastime. Two- Relationship, anyone who tells you that this leads to automatic divorce/ break up is paranoid or lying. Out of her support group offered by our health network, I think only 1 or 2 of about fifteen women ended up separating and that was from the other spouse cheating. I have to say that in many ways, after four kids and all our activities, youth sports and coaching- it created a second honeymoon period for us and really strengthened our romance and relationship because we both focused on our health again jointly and the magnetism increased dramatically. Third- It might not fix the problem…. We did not jointly go into the surgery for cosmetic or weight loss reasons. It was the diabetes and the doctors said it was a solid shot to cure or mitigate the disease. It was for a while, but it keeps back up. despite healthy eating, despite exercise and coaching, despite the surgery- medications came back into the picture and so did the celebrity weight loss drug (which is really supposed to be for diabetes…) This has been keeping everything under control but is a case of the cure being as bad as the sickness. The side effects are brutal and definitely have a quality of life impact, but we both want to live to see grandkids someday….. Fourth- dysmorphia is VERY really. We are both naturally larger people. I was a lineman in high school and college and she was a softball catcher in high school and college and ended up also playing women’s rugby there as well. Even with the surgery she went from an XL to L but she got her college/ high school figure back and as such her confidence went through the roof and started dressing like she hadn’t in years. With the medication though??? Her figure, face shape, everything changed. Down to a Small or Medium. For almost a year and a half she hasn’t recognized herself in the mirror. It’s a double wham with the surgery and the medication. Between her best friends and myself (we have all been in the same friend/ team group since college) the support was to have fun with it and go with the flow. Instead of worrying about it (the dysmorphia) it was embrace the change. All new clothes she could never wear before, she’s been a redhead now and then blonde and still is. Cut her hair shorter, started wearing makeup (never really did)- all just to try and put a positive spin on it. I’ve been the spoiled recipient of having a brand new girl (don’t think I haven’t romanced and spoiled the you-know-what out of her), but at the end of the day it’s been mitigation of all the life changes. The last part has been the most detailed because it’s the most recent and to me has been the most impactful- NOT having the surgery do its intended purpose and the dysmorphia we’re both very difficult given the efforts and life changes made. We’ve done everything we can to make lemonade out of those lemons though. We had an anniversary vacation better than our honeymoon this past summer (she has always been way out of my league and these days it’s very much over the top- I feel incredibly spoiled) and we have made time to ride our bikes together with our oldest babysitting the kids and we come to each others games when we coach. I would tell any spouse; husband or wife of someone who is going to have the surgery and then or also do all the meds: 1. Support. It’s a huge deal and you need to show up. 2. Don’t get insecure about your relationship because of the surgery. If you are worried it means you might not have a great relationship to start with…. 3. You will need to change your life too. Because of my size and my weight lifting, I need a lot of protein and calories. I will never look like a Hollywood star (like she now does) and always an NFL lineman- BUT- if I bring a cannoli, pie or a full growler into the house in addition to steak/ salmon, etc it’s teasing and not fair. You will need to learn self control to support your spouse… 4. Inspire and come up with ideas for positive re-enforcement. If the dysmorphia or depression sets in, you need to find fun things to do, supportive steps to take and positive angles to keep things going. 5. If you are doing all this as a spouse, what about YOU??? Are you going to die a martyr? Take care of YOURSELF too. I go lifting 3 times a week, go fishing in season. And for my 40th birthday when she asked what I wanted?? I got us a long weekend on the Cape, bought her some dresses I wanted to see her in and sent her to get her hair, nails, toes, eyelashes, etc.. done. Said I wanted a long weekend with my movie star wife. It was a great time, kid free and continued to strengthen our marriage. Anyways- why am I writing this? Posterity? Self reflection? Not really…. I just want to give Spouses a roadmap. It’s a huge change and you need to navigate the waters well. If you do you will benefit as much as your loved one. Good luck.

Hey there, That’s awesome! Doing this journey going from not eating carbs and then reintroducing them as needed is key. I’ve lost weight, but it comes in stages. I’ll lose inches first, then the scale will be stuck. Then all of sudden the following month, boom, ten pounds gone. I was weighing daily then weekly and now I weigh every other week. Protein is vital.

Prior to COVID, (which delayed my treatment which was to start in 2020) tooth decay and gum issues. I was to get some work done including filling, root canals, and possible bone graphs to my jaw. Due to life, I have yet to have this done but am working on it. I wanted to share that I have found that the condition is called pernicious anemia (of the teeth and gums). There are many health issues that this can cause. This is a medical issue, not a dental issue. You will likely have to educate your physician (who must write the referral correctly) and and your oral surgeon. The request to your insurance company MUST include the medical information. If they turn you down, appeal it so you can send the information yourself. Just be sure you use trusted medical sites (Mayo, Cleveland Clinic, NIHA, are good places to start. 11 years ago there was no information available, and/or not provided to me. This disease is NOT a dental issue. It effects your autoimmune system and others. Left untreated, though RARE, can cause death. Please don't panic over the "death" part, it is very rare. If you have broken, cracking, teeth coming out, gum issues (even tongue issues), this might apply. As I mentioned do your homework, note your references and talk to your primary care doctor. Get the help you need. I have 8 teeth that need to be pulled now plus some "repairs" to others. I have opted for removal of all my teeth at one time and implants. A note about implants: dentures do not stimulate your gums and jaw which is imperative to keeping you jaw from decaying. My primary care doctor, after I educated him 🙄 agrees with me , BTW. There are dental clinics out there that do a one and done treatment where you can have your teeth extracted and get your implants the same day (my option to prevent more surgeries). Keep that in mind. I hope this information is helpful for someone suffering my fate.

One thing about mental hunger or cravings is that they're almost never strong enough for me to actually get into a car and drive to a store to buy something. The first few weeks, I would end up digging until I found something else to eat, but the fewer options you make available, the more you have to admit to yourself that you're just bored or (as is often my case since I work from home) procrastinating. There have been times I would find myself staring into my pantry and I'd have to ask myself what exactly I thought I would find there. It's all canned beans and pasta sauce now. Generally I just ask myself if I want a snack badly enough to drive to the store for it, and the answer is always no. Oh, and I do all my grocery shopping online for pickup now to minimize the chances of throwing impulse buys into my cart.

I went on vacation last month. Eating out was a struggle. I haven’t made my surgery public to a lot of my friends. I can never finish my entree. I usually order fish as the portion is a lot smaller. Eating protein first then the carbs last. I still feel very bad for throwing away half my plate. Skip the appetizers lol.

Yes I am on the same page as you. In summer I want the arm skin gone but come winter, I look good, so why would I ? My surgeon and his team has said how tough a surgery it is and doesn't recommend it for me. Then if I had the arms done would all the rest off me look worse ? I imagine so. I have not the money to do any more surgery in the UK and am frightened to go abroad for the cheaper options.

That is a relief! You have hit the nail on the head with that - unfortunately the world isn't made for people of a bigger size, which is awful! Oh wow - it is interesting to see the differences in what surgeons recommend! I know a lot of people in the UK are a massive fan of protein shakes (myself included), so I shall have to keep an eye on what is recommended! Strawberry and banana smoothies were something my dad always used to make me and I love them! Adding peanut butter to that sounds amazing. Very much so! Thank you

No you don't sound mad just ready for the change. Its so different being thin in a world made for thin people. Your team will tell you what you can eat and drink and you can be assured that nobody else in the world will be on the same diet. Be it pre op or post op. In the UK and Europe, the surgeons do seem more tolerant of some things like Coffee, fizzy drinks, straws, alcohol and salt. There was no limits on my drinks, hot cold, fizzy or frozen. My surgeon said that protein shakes were the devils food and he had me drink full skim milk. Which was right up my street tbh. Cheap and easy to put a flavour too, like coffee or blitzed with strawberry, banana or peanut butter. New year, new you. Enjoy

I had my surgery on 12/27 and I'm doing great. Working on getting my water and protein in, it was a struggle the first couple of days but is improving. Except for the gas pain post surgery I haven't had that much discomfort except for when I sleep on my side, which is normal. The day after surgery I was up 7 lb, I believe due to swelling and the IVs, but that has disappeared and I am losing. Like you say small wins! I hope that all my December surgery buddies are doing well and wish you all a wonderful New Year!

You are all awesome! Thank you! I bought the protein powder a while back and forgot all about it. I added it to my breakfast today (2 eggs) and only finished half and feel full. I will also add it in with my water. I’m sure I can’t mix it all up completely but at least a little will help. Thanks for your comments and support! We will get through this together!

I have yet to get my surgery date. But, I have did all the pre-op and post op classes. I was instructed to get unflavored protein something like ISOpure or any other unflavored brand doesn't matter. As long as it's within the guidelines they gave you. Put it in a shaker and sprinkle protein over whatever you eat. Soups, or whatever you can get down. Any little bit of protein you can get in will help. You don't have to add a lot. A little over time will be better than nothing.

At one week post op the only I was told to track is my fluids intake. In fact the first 3 weeks I was only told to make sure I get my water and protein shakes.

I got mine in December 18 and honestly I’m so happy that I did… so much has changed. I mean I don’t have a lot of energy because we not able to intake a lot of things I am on my puréed stage and it like I don’t care for food 😂. I just drink my protein shakes, take my vitamins, and drink a lot of liquids to stay hydrated. I eat here and there but I am barely hungry.

I havent been eating bad things like my husband made a 16 hour smoked pork roast i had three pinches of the meat, I have been doing yogurt and soup i did oatmeal mixed with my protein shake once also. I cant do more than 2/3 onces of food at a time… mostly im doing soup and yogurt now though. Its not really unhealthy food but I had gotten confused with the diet and started the soft foods one week earlier the doctor didnt seemed worried though. It just was messing up my head thinking im off track. Im down 16 lbs so that’s got to be okay. Thank you for the peanut butter advice i love fit pb I’ll probably go buy powder protein shakes and start making them instead also I dont do dairy so maybe that’s another factor.

I have been “doctoring” up my shakes. Take a vanilla shake and add some cinnamon , nutmeg, vanilla and 1/4c SF Applesauce. Mix it all together in the blender taste just like apple pie. also I get a flavor Keifer and mix a 1/2c with a vanilla shake to make it taste different (my flavor was strawberry) I also bought some powdered peanut butter and add 1 tablespoons to a chocolate protein shake. Taste like peanut butter cup. I have other recipes if you want some more ideas

I am 6 days out and I was so hungry today! All I can offer is stay focused on getting enough protein. The protein will keep you fuller longer and keep you on track. Also, stay away from carbs. Sadly you’re the only one that can make the changes. what are the foods you’re eating? Maybe you have to find alternatives in a healthier option.

Girl you and me both my hunger isn’t really there more than my thoughts of wanting to eat food to feel normal again. Its been emotional for me and bc of my sampling food it makes me feel more down. It’s frustrating not being able to drink water or pretty much anything my water/ fluid intake is so low. Im soooo over these protein shakes i bought and the thought of them now has me wanting to gag lol. I’m not reallt taking in any protein shakes and just doing soups but can only do 2/3 ounces at a time. I can do yogurt i had half a cup for lunch and a few tablespoons of tomato soup for dinner. Feel free to message me anytime my surgery date was 12/18 im happy i got the surgery but definitely want to feel normal again. I’m being patient but if i could have at least be able to drink water it would be easier. i had a hiatal hernia and its been so hard to drink is anyone else feeling that feeling? Then when i do drink its like im swallowing air 😫😩😫

I use bariatrix and I’m tracking everything. I am at about 500-600. I have protein shakes, jello, and popsicles. I am making my shakes with 1% milk and some I am mixing in powdered PB or nonfat Greek yogurt or Keifer I am 6 days out of surgery

I’m 6 days out and still on liquids for another week at least. I haven’t had any issue with taste though. I wonder what has caused it. Does your doctor have any options? I would maybe try getting some unflavored protein powder and mix with something you can drink.

No not a terrible taste but could not sta.d the smell of food. At first, I could not drink the protein shakes due to the smell. However, within 4-5 days, I got over it. I do anticipate a taste change once I get to puréed food.

I am 6 days out and so far it seems to be going well. Hardly any pain. Staying in my schedule for protein shakes and fluids. Finding a sleep position is the only issue I have been having really. It is hard too because I use a cpap machine. I have had time of being hungry. But they passed.

There are plant based protein powders about you can purchase which are whey free. Look for plant based or lactose free yoghurts, soups & milk. So many options available these days. Bone broth is good too. Or you can make your own soups. I love soup & made quite a few. Purred them in the beginning & let them simmer for ages so the meat & vegetables would be super soft & tender in the soft food stage. You can process many proteins simply by adding enough broth, stock, gravy, milk, Mayo, etc. - just lactose/whey free versions. Make your own yoghurt drinks/smoothies by blending the yoghurt with milk & sugar free flavours or protein powders. I was allowed to eat instant oats during puree - just kept extra thin & milky & you can add protein powder to that too. The hardest part for me was my altered taste buds. A lot of things tasted awful - shakes too sweet, bone broth too salty, & some textures & smells were off putting too. Thank goodness this was temporary. All the best.

I felt the same about most of the shakes at first (although I liked them BEFORE surgery). I pretty much lived on Unjury's chicken broth-flavored protein powders (and they are whey protein isolate). They were savory and thinner than the standard shakes (although you can always add more water to a too-thick shake)

The surgery often changes our tastebuds & sense of smell making it difficult to tolerate certain foods, flavours & textures. I found the shakes awful - super sweet & grainy. I’d force myself to have one in the morning which I’d dilute & then had soup for the rest of the day. Bone broth is a better choice but I found them very salty so I ate cream soups. Try a plant based protein powder instead of the whey. If you struggle with whey powder you’ll likely struggle with whey based pre made shakes too. Try making your own yoghurt drink smoothie by blending Greek yoghurt with milk to a thin consistency. Add some unsweetened powdered flavours if you need. Check with your dietician &/or surgeon be sure though.

Thank you so much!!! I actually just bought some a week ago and made a chocolate flourless cake with it- I would have sworn it was real sugar!! So tasty! Incredible product and did not cause any dumping or problems! (I only had a teeny weeny slice). I agree with the whey protein too- I tried some flavored and I just can’t do the artificial sweeteners- even the stevia causes issue! Thank you for taking the time to write- I really appreciate it!