Search the Community

Yeah, there's a definite bias of information (unintentionally, of course) when you frequent bariatric spaces. I've been on this board almost a year, and I really enjoy it, but at five months post-op, one thing I've noticed is the vast majority of people who were posting regularly a year ago, or even 3-6 months ago, are not here any more. That's a lot of diverse experience that goes away, and I would guess that the people who remain are a combination of those who are the most dedicated (possibly to the extreme), those who get the most out of social interactions, and those who experience the most complications in their journeys, along with people who return after several years to get back on track because of significant regain or needing revisions. The people who are hitting their goals easily, losing weight at an average pace, eating and exercising in a way that isn't particularly noteworthy, maintaining within a reasonable weight range, and generally living life without stressing about bariatric issues, quickly become underrepresented voices. So it's easy to start thinking that the average person struggles a lot at every stage, can barely eat or drink for months, exercises like they're training for the olympics, tracks every bite of food and never strays from their macros every day of their life, experiences all the most severe complications regularly, and will gain back all their weight plus some if they even dare to glance at a piece of bread or a dessert on someone else's plate let alone allow a bite to pass their lips. It's easy to become very obsessive about it (raises hand: yes, that's me). And in a situation like after surgery where a lot of things change at once, sometimes it feels like the more you can control and anticipate, the better. At least it does for me. But my advice would be, especially when you are feeling particularly anxious about something, to think about whether there are perspectives you aren't getting that might reduce your anxieties if you were able to hear from them. Like, if there were 20-30 people who used to post in your surgery month group and now you're down to 4 or 5, what might those other people say if you asked them about the thing that is worrying you? My guess is, if they're not posting anymore, it's usually not because they're suffering in silence.

I was at probably 200 calories at the two month mark. I'm not sure how they expect you to be consuming 1000 calories a day! I'm almost 7 months post op and not able to get to even 900 calories a day (mind you I workout hard at least 4 days a week, I lift and do Pilates and run and all sorts of cardio). It's a struggle to eat enough, and what I learnt is that I will not force myself to eat any more than I can, I will get there eventually so what is the point of rushing? I would say eat what you can and don't force it, the whole point of surgery is to eat less 🤣

Thanks @Bypass2Freedom, @SleeveToBypass2023and @FifiLux for your kind comments. I think the MSK person just wanted to make me aware of what the future may hold for me and to temper any expectations I may have regarding WLS and my knees. As it stands at the moment, I find it difficult to weight bear as the pain can knock me sideways. I’ve had a little folding scooter for around a month now which means I can now get out of the house with hubby and be around people. I cannot begin to explain how this has added to my quality of life! I have some independence back!! I could go weeks at a time not getting out, so this is a massive change. I could actually wizz off to the park with my granddaughter at the weekend and just be there with her 😊 I also haven’t driven for almost a year now, which I miss but cannot manage at present as I can’t get in the van we have at the drivers side as it’s too high and my knees can’t cope right now as there are times when just bending them can bring me to tears. It’s not the end of the world, just something that happens 🤷‍♀️ These are all things that will hopefully change in the future. I know that weight loss will have positive impacts in lots of different areas of my life. I know that my knees will definitely thank me, knee surgery not withstanding!

I waited 8 weeks after the sleeve and 12 weeks after the bypass. I was cleared after 6 weeks both times, but the thought is, I wanna make sure I give my body the best chance to heal. ALSO, keep in mind that you're on limited exercise until 6 weeks post op. Nothing heavy or strenuous. So if you're only a month post op (4 weeks) it's likely too soon. Definitely wait at least 2 more weeks before trying again. But maybe wait another 4, just to be safe...

Made 130g air fried octopus calamari. Consisted of instant pot cooked octopus, rolled in breading: nutritional yeast, potato starch, soy sauce, olive oil, and fiesta spice. Total calories: 226 calories. I ate about 3/4 of it.

I was given cream of chicken soup with bits in it at the hospital day 1 after surgery. I was still hopped up on anesthesia at the time and called a nurse in to question why. She took my spoon and looked at it, then said the bits weren't big enough to cause a problem???? I thought well...it is a bariatric hospital so I ate it. It did taste wonderful and thankfully nothing got stuck in my incisions but I still question it. In fact a relative of mine recently had WLS and on a phone consult within week 1 with same hospital nurses, was told to try a bit of bread for nausea??? I immediately remembered the soup they gave me and am now really questioning the nurses at that hospital and their knowledge of care for bariatric patients. I tried calling them to inquire about their iffy advice but never heard back. I need to call my bariatric team nutritionist to give them a heads up. As for OP question about salty cravings. Soup. Bouillons, strained cream soups and my fav... egg drop soup strained from a local Chinese restaurant. I even used a Vitamix to pulverize any bits that could cause problems later on. Good luck on your journey @Sami2209.

As @AmberFL suggested, I’d start tracking your food intake. You don’t have to do it religiously to begin but just to start the routine & also get an idea of what you’re eating (nutritional value, calories & portion sizes). Then you could make small changes over the next few months like adjust your portion sizes, swap out some cooking styles or ingredients to healthier ones, try new recipes, drop a snack, etc. Also an opportunity to start to reflect on your relationship with food. Do you eat to comfort or sooth yourself (when you’re sad, stressed, anxious, angry, etc.)? Do you crave certain foods when you’re bored? Are you an hormonal carb or sweet? Do you have any eating habits like always snack at the movies or watching tv or have to have cake or a muffin with your coffee, etc. And so on. And, yes, start incorporating some activity into your week. Good opportunity to try some different things to see what you enjoy. You don’t have to embrace everything all at once. Simple small changes are always easier to adopt & adapt to than jumping in the deep end. You have time before your surgery. Second the advice not to buy up big in protein shakes. A temporary change in your taste buds is very common after the surgery and many find a flavour or brand of shake they enjoyed before the surgery in the pre surgery diet is disgusting after. Things can become too sweet &/or salty, the texture can be off putting and for some it’s the smell of certain foods. It can last upwards of around 6 or so weeks. I’m in Australia so none of the prolonged wait you have to go through. My surgery was not quite 4 weeks after I first met with the surgeon so I didn’t really have time to do anything - lol!

When I had my sleeve I would weigh myself daily (because I couldn’t help myself, lol) but I only recorded it once a week. That way I would see the downward trend better. Our weight can fluctuate by a couple pounds in either direction for so many things. We would really be better off if we would just Weigh like once a month but I get it. That’s really hard.

My doctor was originally going to put me on a patch that needed to be changed twice a week but decided to put me on a once a week patch instead. Could your doctor look at maybe switching you to that? I don't need any progesterone, though, because I don't have my uterus, so mine is estrogen only. Still, I know that Femseven Conti is a once a week patch that has both estrogen and progesterone in it.

I had the Sleeve 3.5 years ago and I’m pending revision to SADI or bypass (Bypass if he gets in there a can’t do SADI for some reason). From what I have seen on these boards the post op pain level for the sleeve and bypass is pretty similar year still different from person to person. I think the main difference between someone with an easy vs tough recovery depends on whether any air gets trapped in there and causes gas pain. I was really fortunate with the sleeve that I didn’t have any gas pain at all and my recovery was quite easy. I was up a couple hours after being back to my room Bugging then nurses with questions about my urine output 🤣 At one point I even questioned whether they had somehow forgotten to do the surgery. I did feel like I had done about 1000 crunches. And I had to use the bed rails to assist in sitting up for the first day but if I was just lying or standing I felt normal. I even said I didn’t need pain meds right away. They said they suggested they wean me down because I was already on some and may not know it if I’m in pain. I went home the next day on just Tylenol but with a pain script just in case. I did feel fatigued for a while so I took naps daily and I waited the full two weeks before I did much as instructed but I FELT like I could do most things if I had tried. It is an adjustment to remember all the vitamins and figure out what to drink or “eat” and when but I set alarms on my phone and that helped quite a bit. I actually just created alarms for every half hour and then toggled them on as needed to plan my day. You are a step ahead of the game that you are already here and established where you can get support and ask questions if you have any I didn’t find this site until a couple of days before so I was still figuring out how the thing even worked while working through the rest of it. The people here are incredibly helpful to answer questions, cheer you on or just let you vent if you have a bad day. The main thing to keep in mind is your goals and your reasons why you are doing the surgery and that will get you through it. If you ask everyone if they have any regrets about Weight loss Surgery the most common response it that they only wish they had done it sooner. After a few months you should be in your new groove, just losing weight and noticing that you can already do things you haven’t been able to do. If you haven’t already, Check out the “weirdest non scale victories” thread on this site. It sorta turned to just normal non scale victories but it’s pretty inspiring

Congratulations on your date. Cutting the caffeine is hard. That’s what I’m struggling with right now. My problem is figuring out exactly how much I was drinking because I was getting it from various sources and just drinking it freely. Yesterday I woke up with a massive headache at like 2am. I guess I tried to cut it too much. This morning I was fine though so I think I have a better idea. I only allowed myself 4 weeks because it didn’t even take that last time with the sleeve but forgot about the headaches because last time I could take Alieve but this time I really can’t rely on that. I really hope I didn’t cut this too close.

Hello again everyone! I'll start by saying I'm sorry it takes me so long to post my responses. This is because while I do skim posts from my phone, especially when I see an email that has me tagged I find it so much easier to type and properly respond from my desktop computer. So - If I 'Like' a post' just know I'll likely later mention something in one of my long summarized posts, like this one! Yesterday was exhausting for me; I slept poorly Tuesday night due to heartburn and tenderness on the left hand side. I did get a few things done yesterday, though, including making it to Walmart finally to get my returns processed. I'm not sure why I thought I'd need extra bandages and such after my surgery, but I didn't. That said, after reviewing the cost of canned soups and canned chicken, I decided just to buy a rotisserie chicken! Honestly, that's proven to be easier and more economical because after deboning it there is plenty of flavorful chicken to either puree into chicken salad or puree with chicken broth and some canned peas/carrots as a kind of 'no noodle' soup! I also had a ridiculous epiphany this morning - cooking and straining our fruits BEFORE mixing them with yogurt or ricotta works WAY BETTER! This should have been obvious but in my addled mind I've been either 'peeling' the strawberries, or like this morning I thought I'd put the whole blueberry yogurt smoothie through the metal screen to strain and hey - that worked POORLY! Lol - silly the illogical things we do at times, eh? Or maybe it's just me, idk! Oh - I ALSO realized yesterday evening, when I had basically zero energy nor desire to mess with dinner but still was far short of my protein goal that I hadn't started taking the Collagen yet that I bought to help my hair, skin, and nails. Lo and behold when I scoped it out (I ordered Nature Target Multi-Collagen Peptides from Amazon) that one scoop DOES have 9g of Protein! I truly felt like I was cheating the system when I poured a scoop in about 4oz of Gatorade Zero, Orange and called that my dinner. I'm not sure what caused me to sleep better last night - the fact that I held/hugged a pillow ( Thank you again @draikaina8503 for mentioning the pillow your nursing staff gave you!) against my left side during most movements throughout the day, the fact that I was extremely tired, the relief from hearing from my doctor's office, or just time and healing in general) but I DID sleep well and today has gone more smoothly for me. As of today I'm 17 days post op, about a 1/4 of the way into my two weeks of puree diet. @ShoppGirl - I haven't noticed about white spots on the tongue after different types of protein drinks because I've been really aware of any 'filmy texture' so rinse my mouth after each meal, but I do feel like the Ensure is thicker and takes more effort for me to rinse after drinking. Thanks for mentioning the Protein Water! I'm going to look into that to see if it will help me meet my protein goal of 60g/day. @draikaina8503 - I haven't noticed much as far as skin sensitivity goes although my bruises from where they stuck me have taken an AGE to heal! I've been worried about you and hope that the incident with your doggo didn't leave you with any lasting damage (I may see a post about that later as I read). Are you taking Collagen Peptides by chance? I noticed one of the Youtubers who documented their own surgery journey dealt with breakouts afterward while taking Collagen and wondered if maybe it was impurities being purged from their skin as a result of the Collagen itself. If not I'd definitely mention it to your surgeon and double check (not that I think you'd miss anything since you seem VERY thorough) that some ingredient you're intolerant to hasn't snuck its way into your routine. Update: Oh good, I'm glad you got some reassurance from your physician's office. Wow - congratulations on the return to school! The start date is rolling right up, isn't it?! Yeah, timing - eesh - I feel ya! Best of luck in finding a comfortable position in which to do your course work, and the energy to tackle everything at once! So far though it looks like you're nailing it and no reason to think that success won't keep right on coming! Oh - and yeah, I guess I AM blessed to have been given this little bottle of Hibiclens! I had noticed that there was one of those tubs in my hospital room when I got ready to check out and there was another bottle of it in there as well as a couple of 'No rinse' shampoo caps. I snagged everything out of it - figured if my insurance was paying for it, I was gonna grab it for possible later use! I wish I could hand you this extra bottle, honestly! @Pepper_No_Salt - Wow; goodness! Yeah; honestly it sounds like you're doing way too much! I'm only just now starting to feel up to helping load the dishwasher, and today I managed to slowly sort through the clothing in my chest of drawers for size/quality of condition. Even then, I had to have my fella open the drawers for me because it's older and they stick a bit, plus pulling anything makes me tender, much less bending and pulling at the same time! I can't IMAGINE trying to tackle everything you just listed at this stage. I know we all heal at different rates but my surgeon's office told me yesterday that the pain *I* have been mainly experiencing, a pulling/tugging on my left side, can take up to a month or two to recover from. She said to remember that despite how the surface appears to have healed that there is a LOT of repair and healing happening internally. She also said that as frustrating as it is to just try to be patient with myself because the body is adjusting in a lot of ways between not getting hardly any carbs, learning to get its energy from different sources, i.e. stored fat, processing our intake of protein/water differently, and literally healing multiple organs (for me, SADI, intestines and stomach from the sleeve portion) and that takes a lot out of a person. @Justarwaxx - Oh my goodness, that sounds VERY anxiety inducing! This is your body and your journey, I absolutely suggest contacting your surgeon's office to see if they can send you some kind of guideline on what to be doing at your different stages. Also, I will be honest - that sounds like a lot of calories to be intaking during your liquid diet and I can't help but wonder if you're drinking maybe the wrong particular protein shake? I don't say that because I think you SHOULD worry about calories specifically but you DO need to worry about sugar intake. I got tripped up because my surgeon's team gave me a booklet guide for the whole process and I'm not supposed to drink any protein shakes that have less than 15g of Protein and more than 5g of sugar. The protein shakes are deceptive as heck, though! Example: The off brand Equate ones I got are Max Protein with 30g of Protein and less than 1g of sugar, and one time I accidentally bought their Protein Plus which had 20g of sugar in each one! They tasted great - but at the cost of all that sugar it was a hard pass! Also if you are drinking regular Gatorade or Powerade I could see that being a factor; I'm on Zero Sugar for my non-protein beverages. I can totally see how you'd feel at a loss - I spent 10 months working up to my surgery (because I had to quit smoking, etc) and I still feel like I'm winging it. If your surgeon's team didn't mention it, I will - there is an app called Baritastic that is free on the Google Play Store. You can scan the items you intake or search them on the 'Food Log' and it usually pulls up the correct information and lets you put what percent of the listed serving size you consumed. I do suggest checking at least one time to make sure it's pulling up the correct information that matches the Nutrition Facts listed on the item. After that it will be recorded in your 'Recent' list and you can just choose it easily that way. Baritastic also has a built in Timer for 30 minutes you can use to track when you stop drinking and can start drinking after a meal - once you're past the liquid stage and move on to meals that's pretty important across the board as far as I know. The 'No drinking 30 minutes before, during, or after a meal' is important because due to the adjusted size of your stomach it can only fit a certain amount, and you could get overly full of water before or after a meal otherwise, leading to you being sick to your stomach or feeling miserable overall. Honestly, I've been setting a timer when I sit down at my computer as well so I don't get absorbed in what I'm doing and sit for too long. That's been helpful! Best of healing and well wishes to you all - Oh, finally updated my ticker but bummed I can't put 'SADI' as my surgery type. Oh well! Adding: The Finch App continues to help me navigate these waters, big time. I open my free Finch app (Also on the Google Play App store) more often then I open Facebook or any social media. Taking care of that silly cute cartoon bird and getting rewarded for taking care of MY personal business is such a benefit to someone like me who is almost certainly ADHD/Autistic at some level. I even use it to remind me to log my food/liquid intake in Baritastic. OH and I did make solid contact with the testing center I've been on a wait list with - looks like I'll at least be able to get in to a counselor soon, though I'm still on the wait list for actual Autism testing. Ok - that's all for now!

I appreciate that, I am going to reach out to them. I needed to b**** and moan, ask much as I hate that you went through that stall, its reassuring to know I am not alone. Seeing that scale go up is not great!

Looking great, and I hope you enjoyed the beach! Last summer, I took my kids to an indoor water park at just around my highest ever weight. I had to buy a new suit because nothing I had fit anymore, and looking back at the pictures, oh my goodness. I even looked uncomfortable. We went again a few weeks ago, and I was 4 months post-op. Let's just say that thankfully, the suit from last year went straight to the giveaway bag, and I had to order a new one because even my "skinny" suit from a few years before was a bit roomy. I ordered two new ones and ended up with one that is perfect and one that was a bit tight, but I'm hoping it will fit me well in a few more months. Such a great feeling, and going on the water slides was so much more fun this time than 60 lbs ago, for sure.

I only got to about 600 calories at 6 months. Took me another year to get to 1300. Yes some programs, encourage people to consume around 1000 calories at about the 3 month mark. But you can only eat what you can physically eat. I even had that conversation with my surgeon at the 8 month mark when I had pushed up to about 900. He understood my position and was happy I was working at increasing my calories even though it was a slow process. I eat about 1500 calories now which according to those BMR calculators is about what I would need to consume for my age, height, activity level & to maintain my weight. It’s plenty of food. I don’t feel hungry. Some will say you need to get your calories up or your body will go into starvation mode & you’ll stop losing. Didn’t affect me like that. Didn’t slow my losing more than what is expected to happen. Didn’t stop me reaching my goal or exceeding it. But we are all different so your experience and needs may be totally different. If they do say increase your calories, don’t tie yourself up in knots about it. Just slowly increase your intake as you’re able. It naturally increases as you progress anyway. Those recommendations are based on averages too. Remember the recommended calorie intake for a woman is 2000 calories. I’d be as large as I was if I ate that much. lol!

Not wish but glad that I did. I stopped caffeine about a month or so before surgery, I tracked all my food so I got in the habit, I went for walks to build up stamina, only 3x a week until surgery, I had different kind of protein shakes, one of each kind that tickled my fancy so after surgery I had options. Some I liked and got more, some I had one drink then gave to my hubs. I would wait for the liquid diet until they tell you to start because it sucks! I only had to do 1day and I complained the entire day LOL, some people do a food funeral where they eat all the foods they want since that will be on hold for a bit. I actually deep cleaned my house the week before surgery (I am super Type A LOL) but made me feel good that I didn't have to worry about house keeping for a minute. I do wish I would cleaned out my pantry better, I had junk food in my house and even though I didn't give into temptation, it was there. Also my mindset with food. I'm 6months post op and it still messes with me, like wanting to eat huge burrito because I'm upset but knowing I physically cant. Its like breaking up with someone. @SleeveToBypass2023 said it really well, breaking in a very toxic relationship, you know its not good for you but you still go back. If you can mentally prepare yourself for it. Its a mindf*%^ .

I keep a mental tally of protein each day but I haven't been writing it down. However, I have an appointment with my dietician on the 23rd so I think I will write everything down for at least a week before so I can bring it in with me to discuss. I always wear my Fitbit, so I have data for exercise and sleep, but obviously having the nutrition info is important. And it would help with accountability and resisting temptation, too. I haven't tried the cottage cheese flatbread but I've seen the videos and am intrigued!

Just got my surgery date 7/23 for bypass. Just bought all my vitamins from Bariatric Pal. Stocking up on shakes, protein powder, yogurt smoothies, soup, jello. I do 10 days of liquids preop starting this Friday with the last 3 days being clears only. Going to have my steak Thursday night tho! 😂😜

Checking in for August surgery buddies! I started this journey back in May after talking to a friend about her surgery. She had hers done in Mexico and I thought that was the direction I was going to be going. I met with a local surgeon and found out my insurance did cover the procedure! Since then it's been dietitian appointments, cardio clearance, psych visits, and FINALLY I was approved last week for surgery. Today I paid off my balance with the office so I can make my pre-op appointment! Some of the things I've been doing to prepare: Cutting out diet sodas. I've been switching to flavored waters like Crystal Light. Making a gym habit. I was actually going to the gym a lot but stopped until I got approved for surgery. Eating slower and smaller bites. My biggest hurdle is going to be not drinking water with my meals.

You are having a head moment. You know that you are doing everything right but your head is saying WHAAAT ! TF ! Just breathe for a moment and think. There are a few things to consider and you probably know this, Its a stall, Its water retention, you are over doing things and your body says no way or you have eaten salty foods. You have gained the pounds and you need to stay away from the scales for a few days/ a week. Its a tough ask I know, I am the worst at it. Watching the scale will screw with your mind. Keep to your plan and it will work its way right.

How long post-op are you? I know my surgeon said not to have sex/any sexual activity for around 2-4 weeks! But definitely if it hurts, probably too soon for you!

Good evening I am 4 nights away from my gastric sleeve surgery. I am most nervous about the 3 weeks of liquids after surgery. I’m worried that I may get dehydrated or that I won’t get enough protein in while I’m recovering. I know everyone says use a timer but I still feel like I am going to need to rest during the day time from the anesthesia. 1. How do I keep up with the fluids and get in enough sleep/rest? 2. How do people tolerate liquids for so long without feeling like they are starving? 3. Provide 1 inspirational phrase or a positive statement

Wow. You definitely have done your research and your team sounds like they are amazing. My surgeon is one of the best in my area but he hasn’t done a lot of this particular procedure so his team is definitely not up to date with it. That’s what my appt on the 19th will be about. I am very concerned about my post op care since I will be seeing the PA or NP for follow-ups. In terms of post op pain I can speak for the sleeve portion. My experience was very little pain. Until I tried to sit up (and felt like I had done about 1000 crunches) I didn’t have any pain at all. I thought that they just put me to sleep And woke me up. I literally worried they didn’t do the surgery for some reason. I hade heard many people with the same surgery who had tremendous pain for a week or longer. I am not sure why but I think more gas gets trapped for some people than others and that’s the majority of the pain or lack thereof. But I was very lucky and even asked them to take me off of pain meds because I didn’t need them. I do have a long torso and kinda wonder if that gave him a little more room to work in there?!

My surgery is the 25th, so I'm just starting the liquid diet, but it's not too bad so far. I have a recommendation for something crunchy: crushed ice! I measure 17 ounces of water into a gallon baggie and add a packet of fruit punch crystal light. Set it in the freezer, and when it's solid, crush it with a rolling pin or heavy pan. If you have a thermos, the ice shards keep for a while and are fun to munch on during the day. Hope the next week goes by quickly for you!

I'm right at 5 months, and over the past few weeks, it has become HARD. In the beginning, I was dropping weight, had zero interest in food, and was totally motivated. But since the beginning of July, I've lost a pound. Actually, I've lost and gained and lost and gained that one pound multiple times. I've started feeling hungry sometimes again, and that's triggering all sorts of bad behaviors like getting up when I'm trying to avoid work (I work from home) and looking in the cupboard for a snack, not to mention craving sweets. It's been a constant fight. Not getting that reward of watching the scale dropping all the time kind of saps the motivation, I think. And the novelty wears off and you start to realize that you're in this for the long haul and maybe you start to rebel a little. You're not alone. You say you're afraid of being judged, but you are judging yourself every time you do things you know you shouldn't do. You said it yourself. You're disgusted by what you're doing, but there's a reason you're doing it, and figuring that out is going to be the key to stopping it and changing. I feel like there is probably a voice you hear in the back of your head telling you that you can't do this. Maybe there's literally someone saying it to you in your life, but most likely it's a voice in your head from a long time ago, one that sounds like you but probably was someone else when you first heard it. For me, it's my grandmother, and to some extent my dad. Never happy, never praising. Expecting perfection and scolding "for your own good" over every little thing. Ridiculing my weight despite being overweight themselves, but also overfeeding me because that's what they knew. Food was the enemy, but also a reward from emotionally stunted caregivers who had no other way to show affection. When you can never fully meet expectations at a young age, you learn quickly that you will always fail. That may be the role you've played in your family. Maybe it's everything, or maybe just one thing, like being overweight. And when you start to succeed, it feels frightening because it challenges everything you have been taught to believe about yourself. If you're not "the fat friend", who are you? Or maybe being "the fat daughter" kept a jealous family member happy because you weren't "competition" that way. There are so many reasons we get into these patterns. But the point is, the patterns feel normal and safe. So you make sure you don't succeed and change too much or for too long. You're used to being disappointing to yourself. You can live with that. But admitting you're capable of succeeding and changing is really scary. Allowing yourself to challenge the roles other people want you to fulfill is the hardest thing you can do. At least that's my experience. As for how to change, my first suggestion is talk to your team. That's why they're there, and they know what's going on because they've seen it before. Face it head on. Nothing they say is going to be any worse than what you are saying, and doing, to yourself. If you can get set up with a therapist, even better. Second, get every source of temptation out of the house. The alcohol. The junk food. Whatever is making you stumble, get rid of it. Do your shopping online from now on, or curbside pickup because it is way easier not to give into temptation that way. You can't binge on what you don't have. But skip the gym. It's really only about 10% of your success, anyway. Focus on water, protein, and vitamins. You don't need the false guilt of the gym to make everything worse. And third, get help from people you trust who are close to you if you can. Accountability is key. If going out to eat is an issue, tell your friends or family that you need their help not letting you go out to eat. Explain why you can't be around snacks, or why you won't be ordering alcohol, and ask for their help. If you trust even one person in your life to tell what is really going on, tell them. You need another voice cheering you on instead of just your own head bringing you down. Bottom line, something about what you are doing right now feels comfortable to you. It's a pattern that you can live with, even if you hate it. Something about what you were doing when you were following the rules was making you uncomfortable. Figure out what and why. You can't change your habits until you change that voice in your head, and until you can love yourself and cheer yourself on instead of being your own worst judge. But you have to believe you're worth it and be willing to do things that scare you in order to get past this fog and get to where you want to be.