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Relationship issues after surgery
Bootscraper replied to NewBodySoon's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Personal anecdote, not saying you're heading for the same path: I lost weight on my own once in the past, about 70lbs (I've gained it all back and more and now almost approved for surgery). I was married and my husband didn't like me losing weight. He often accused me of looking for other men. This was not about *me*, I was not being secretive, flirting with men or whatever he thought. His problems were about HIM - self consciousness, feeling of inadequacy, alcoholism, thinking I would leave him if I finally got the self confidence and decided that he was not right for me. He refused couples counseling and I finally did leave, not because I wanted someone else - but because I wanted to be treated with the respect that should be given in any relationship, but he was a toxic person. If you cannot get your partner to participate in counseling - go on your own. You can learn a lot about boundaries, respect, why you accept or participate in unhealthy behaviors, etc. -
I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
johnsons13 replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
You said your Dr was mad you gained 11 pounds at your 1 year. But, how much did you lose from beginning to 1 year? And yes, alcohol has a lot of calories. From the fruit the wine is made with to the sugar. -
I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
GreenTealael replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
That's why there are nearly universal rules set up. Portion size (1/4 cup- 1/2 cup servings) and time limits (only eating within a 30 min window) as fail safes for when the sleeve does not prompt you to stop. How are you with those things? If you have materials from the start of the journey go through those and see what you can start to reintroduce while you wait for testing and results. Alcohol has a lot of calories. Since you may never feel any restrictions from liquids you can introduce a lot more calories into your diet than you can metabolize effectively eating (or drinking) around the surgery. But the test will confirm all things. -
(10/2 sleeved) The small sips and swallows improve really quickly. My first week I had a hard time with water and a drinking most things now I have no problems drinking and almost taking regular sips. So much changes every day! I’m ready for some substance but I have to wait until Tuesday! 😡 I am traveling from Dallas to Chicago this weekend for a wedding so please wish me luck around all of the good food and alcohol!! I really want a glass of wine!
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I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
elcee replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
The thing with all WLS is that it is a tool and we have to choose to use that tool and show it who is in charge. With bands and sleeves they are both restrictive only procedures so they can only help control quantity not quality. There are many foods that are sliders as they are high calorie and easy to overeat but when the calories come from liquid there is nothing the surgery will do to help. I love wine. I don’t do hard alcohol or fizzy sugary drinks but a glass or 2 of wine at night helps me relax and sleep. But I also recognise that in terms of weight loss/ maintenance it is not a good habit. If you have a dependency problem then obviously you need to quit and get support from a group such as AA. If you don’t then there are other things you can do to cut back . Choose dry wine rather than a sweet wine. Have half wine and half soda water ( if you make your own you can control the amount of carbonation) Start by drinking only every second night. Then try to stick to only drinking at weekends. Dont buy the wine or buy less wine Hope some of this helps and that you get back to losing again -
I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
Jobber replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Good Luck to you IANMS. I was thinking about starting this process a few years ago because of a person I met who had lost over 200lbs through WLS. I never once felt like they "took the easy way out" because I talked to her about the whole process and her experience. it was truly an inspiring experience. I knew I was going to do it after meeting her, but then my best friend's wife had the surgery and it was completely ineffective for her. I was forlorn and somewhat put off about getting it going. I found out later that she wasn't losing weight because she was drinking all her calories. Not just alcohol, but milkshakes and other bad sugary drinks as well. She finally decided to cut these things out and the pounds started melting away, it was just the catalyst she needed along with exercise and getting in her water. I know it will be hard, but there's no other way to do it. Good luck to you! -
I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
FluffyChix replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Honestly...you've answered your own question about "why" you haven't lost more. I promise you I know that adding in the wine will dead cold stop you in your tracks and derail you--and if it's true transference/alcoholism--can and will kill you after contributing to massive regain. Please get help?!!! Please. We can't provide the kind of help you need--an addiction specialist and someone very well-versed with bariatrics and food addiction as well. I'm so sorry about your mom and sis. And sorry your doc is an asshat!! -
I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
johnsons13 replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
I have been clean and sober 7 years. I am active in aa and my home group is actually an online group. So for any women that has drinking our drug issues and need advice or want to talk, message me. I'll give you my number and we can talk. Men too, I can help guide you to a feeling make in this area. I always say I'm a "true addict". I take anything and make it unhealthy; cutting, sex, drugs, alcohol, and especially food. I'm not trying to make my message a public service announcement, but I want those struggling with other unhealthy coping mechanisms to know that they're not alone.- 44 replies
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I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
Lola4rmKona replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Hang in there. I also had wine issues and yes it will halt your weightloss for a while. Every time I stop, the scale starts moving and that feeling of seeing the scale move again is amazing and motivating. Please seek therapy right away or maybe even just an AA class to get started. I was warned against alcohol as a substitute for food after surgery. I did not take seriously as I was always on control of my wine. For some reason, it escalated after surgery and took a lot of mindfulness to stay away. I am sorry for the loss of your family. I understand completely, I lost my mum 3 days before surgery. I would like to think they would want us to do better and take control our progress and do all we can to continue. Understanding the process it took to get this far, make changes now. Start with putting away the wine which I know is easier said than done, reach out to a local wls support group as meeting others in similar situations help when done on person, most importantly you are your greatest motivator. What do you hope to accomplish with this surgery and what are you doing to be accountable? Also, best food tracking tool to be accountable in regards to food is myfitnesspal app. You log everything you need thereby knowing exactly what you put into your mouth. It counts calorie intake, water intake, fat content, etc. Please start there for diet setbacks. Good luck! Sent from my SM-N950U using BariatricPal mobile app -
I know my message is long, but please read it. I need help!!
johnsons13 replied to I AM NOT MY SIZE's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
I'm only 6 months post op. There are times I think my surgeon is an ass, but nothing compared to what you explained. I knew going in that I had/have an unhealthy addiction to food. One, I am an addict/alcoholic and food for me has always been another addiction. I also know but don't really think or remember it, but sometimes it's just head hunger and not real hunger. But when I "feel" hungry I eat and that's where I go wrong. I know that it is my fault I haven't lost more than I have. ( Sorry about the italicize writing when I take it off it automatically starts writing like that) -
Aloha Njgurl! I am still losing. According to my doctor prior to surgery, I should have lost around 100 lbs at 1 year and slowed down after that. My problem was that I started loving my wine a little too much after surgery than I ever did before it. What I discovered is that for every week I had some, I would not lose for almost a month afterwards. The moment I stop for at least a week, I start dropping pounds again. The upside to that has been a slower loss than anticipated resulting in less lose skin for me. The downside is the disappointment I feel when the scale does not budge. The motivation comes in wanting to see movement on that scale. Thus, I return to accountability and following my plan like I am supposed to[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] That is why we are warned against alcohol because even if we still eat less, I find that I am not as mindful of carb intake when it comes to snacks with alcohol. I am still working my way towards at least 185. Like my doctor says, it did not take me a short amount of time putting on the weight so dont expect it all to disappear in a short time even with the surgery. I have heard some great success stories but again, everyone's journey is different, therefore we all lose differently. Sent from my SM-N950U using BariatricPal mobile app
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Mousecat - I totally agree with your idea to abstain from certain “trigger foods”. I think of it like someone addicted to drugs or alcohol who can NEVER have that again. I plan to NEVER eat Doritos or barbecue chips again. I know myself enough to know that I can’t eat those in moderation. Good luck with you surgery!!
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Intermittent Fasting Daily Menu/Results/Accountability
sillykitty replied to FluffyChix's topic in Post-op Diets and Questions
Hello ... Checking in! @Matt Z I love that IF is working for you! So awesome your so close to your goal! You can totally do it! @FluffyChix Oh, sorry you're not feeling well! Did the Dr. figure it out yet? Did you go anywhere fun on the BD road trip? Glad though you're down, that's awesome at least! Even if it doesn't make any sense! As for me ... not on vacay yet ... 1.5 weeks away! Busy work travel week. Traveling with someone all week, so no IF, 3 meals a day, plus drinks. Funny thing is it actually feels like it's not all out of control, compared to the last two weeks. Two weeks ago I was eating fried noodles, shaved ice loco moco and mac salad,. Last week I ate everything sold at convenience stores, most especially anything on those rollers (I love roller food, gah!), and a heavy emphasis on pizza and fried chicken as well.. So just a normal breakfast, lunch and dinner schedule with a few drinks feels like I'm behaving, lol. We'll see what the scale says about it when I get back home. I suspect that alcohol might have a bigger affect on my weight than food. But as we know, it's not linear, so it's hard to know for certain. -
Anyone with young kids? How did you explain hospital stay?
johnsons13 replied to megolego's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
My boys were 7 and 6 when I had my surgery in April this year. Last year my husband had to have emergency quadruple bypass which terrified them when they were able to see him and he was in the hospital right at a week. I sat them down before going to the bariatric doctor and told them what I was trying to do. they told me I didn't need to because I was pretty the way I was. I had co morbidities and I needed it for my health. I told them that I was trying to do what I can to be a healthy mom. they also know I'm in recovery for drugs and alcohol and they know what my AA book is and I told them momma is trying to be a healthy mom both from bad things like germs and things I can control so I can be with them as long as possible. I was in the hospital for my wls for about 4 days and they stayed at their grandmothers house for a few days and then my hubby went and got them to see me and see I was ok in the hospital and being taken care of. They also were told because I was going to be sore and walking around uncomfortable for a little bit. They were my big little helpers when I came home. Now, since I've talked with them like miniature grown ups (on their level) they actually look at calories and ask me if I can have certain foods. They are a huge part of my journey because they have motivated me to be the best me. -
I am one of those that does keep trigger foods in my home, but I have a husband and 2 kids that are 6 and 8. I've had so many people tell me to make my kids eat what I eat and my husband. I'm sorry, this is my weight loss journey, not theirs. I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic, it's the same as going into someone's home and telling them they can't have alcohol. My husband doesn't drink but if he did, doesn't mean I have to because it's in my house. I don't avoid grocery stores or convenient stores because they sell alcohol and high calorie foods. I just don't get those thigns for myself. When I'm eating things that aren't healthy for me, my kids don't even like that anyway. My hubby supports me, but he also doesn't get it when I'm angry because I want that bowl of ice cream he is eating. It's not because it's in my house, it's because I'm mad at myself for getting myself in a position where food ruled me.
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I told my husband that quitting alcohol and drugs is much easier than eating right when all you know is unhealthy eating. I'm only 6 months post op, but I struggle daily, especially now my 8 year old is playing football. All those yummy horrible foods at the concession stand. I do good for 2-3 weeks, then I go on a week binge. I have lost 45 pounds but I know I should have almost lost to my goal weight. It can be discouraging. But you have all of us here on Bariatric pal.
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First of all... good on you for recognizing and admitting you have a problem. That’s not an easy step and is honestly the hardest part. You should be proud that you’re able to be so honest with yourself. Most people go years and can never manage to do so! At this point, I would really recommend finding a therapist or counselor who specializes in addiction treatment. They will be the ones that can help you figure out what you’ve been using food and now alcohol to really cope with. Best of luck to you! It’s time to take control and you’ve already taken the hardest step!
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You are not alone. Studies are showing that people that have had bariatric sergery are more likely to get late onset alcoholism. I suggest to start cutting back if you noticed that cutting back causes you to have physical effects such as shaking I would mention it to your primary care doctor. You colossal look into AA meetings and your community. Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app
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Marginal/anastomotic ulcer anyone?
eudys3 replied to eudys3's topic in Gastric Bypass Surgery Forums
I have done a bunch of research into what causes ulcers. Gastrin is a hormone that is released by eating protein which causes the parietal cells in the stomach to release acid. Well, can't stop eating protein. Alcohol and caffeine directly stimulate parietal cells without affecting gastrin. So all alcohol & caffeine of any amount are out. I have cut out my morning coffee and sometime 1 glass of wine after work & feel a lot better. -
It's time to address what's going on. Cross addictions after surgery are common. It's important that you have recognized that you are having an issue with alcohol. Look up treatment options in your area. Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors. Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Like other chronic diseases, addiction often involves cycles of relapse and remission. Without treatment or engagement in recovery activities, addiction is progressive and can result in disability or premature death. You can overcome this! Wish you the best, Jenn
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This is what the pre-op psy exam is supposed to help flush out. Get to some addiction counseling / AA. Several bottles of wine a day, sadly, makes you an alcoholic. You seem to be accepting the addiction to wine, now you need to step up and get some help. Alcohol is in no way a healthier option than food, I don't see how you can justify wine as being healthier. 2 bottles of wine puts you into the 1300 - 1500 calorie a day mark, and with no protein or other required nutritional value... it's pure empty calories. So it's really no better than soda from a "health" standpoint. I hope you do get some help... this is bad on a few levels for a non-altered person, worse so for a WLS patient.
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Questions for the nervous.
johnsons13 replied to JohannaLea's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
My husband encouraged my negative eating and then once it was set it stone I was getting surgery, he finally confessed he was/is nervous I'll leave him once I get healthier and feeling more secure. That I'll want someone on my level. I have heard that a lot of relationships struggle after surgery. First, speaking from my experience, I am an emotional roller coaster because I've lost another crutch. Also, I get angry as if my family should do this with me. Technically that's not fair to them. I am recovering from drugs/alcohol and the same goes with people that drink. I don't consume it, but it's not up to me to tell someone else they can't. I'm the one with food/drug/alcohol problems no my kids or my husband. I have to look at my husband and what I fell in love with. This is my fight and he wants the best, but he's scared too. -
I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic and I"ve had such vivid using dreams I almost called my sponsor to let her know I relapsed. I've also done the same with food then I wake up tasting it. I try to find foods close to what I was craving that is acceptable to my diet. Sometimes I splurge, but it's common after anniversaries, celebration times, stressful times, etc to be triggered in dream form for what is unhealthy.
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Nausea after surgery...what is your experience?
irishgal21 replied to MissPoodle's topic in Gastric Bypass Surgery Forums
By the way, smelling the alcohol... Not drinking it 🤣 Sent from my SM-G955F using BariatricPal mobile app -
Nausea after surgery...what is your experience?
irishgal21 replied to MissPoodle's topic in Gastric Bypass Surgery Forums
Yes. The nausea is ****. I've experienced it a few times since surgery. I was told that the alcohol that gets rid of the germs can help. But I haven't sourced this yet. Sent from my SM-G955F using BariatricPal mobile app
