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I'm 4 days out and dealing with lots of head hunger. I have some pain, and I struggle too get enough liquid in. Today I went to nutmeg state nutrition and got some protein soup and fruit drink. I can't wait to chew again. My family is very unsupportive and east all kinds if junk food.

The only people that know for me are my brothers and dad (had to explain exactly what it was as they didn't know and my bro was like "is this a diet thing?" And once I explained what it did and it was permanent.. He understood and was extremely supportive) and my mum knows as we did it together which made it easier. I didn't think anyone else needed to know, and a lot of them would've said something negative or unsupportive so that's why I kept it quiet

I'm really frustrated with my best friend and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about it so I came here to rant into the abyss. She said some hurtful things that I'm having a hard time letting go of. Every time we speak she comments about needing to get on track with her diet so that I don't pass her up. It sucks! I didn't realize that my role in our friendship was being the fat one and I guess it's important to her that it stay that way. She is also overweight but has never been morbidly obese. My current weight is probably about where her highest weight has been but she is less right now. Every time we speak she asks me how I'm doing with my weight loss and asks a lot of detailed questions most of which I'm happy to answer as we've been friends for 10 years. Then 2 weeks ago, she sent me a text saying that she doesn't want to talk to me right now because watching me lose weight and looking better is upsetting to her. She said it is triggering her eating disorder of which I was unaware. I responded compassionately even though I was upset and told her it was ok for her to be honest with me about her feelings. I expected to give her some time and space and see how things go but she texts me almost every day with something sad and horrible about missing her mom or depression or anxiety or her wife or her son's behavior problems and it feels like she's leaning really heavily on me. This might just be a season in our friendship were she needs more support than I do right now. But it's hard for me to hang in there when she says unsupportive things to me and then expects me to just keep responding to 2am texts. Luckily for both of us she lives in another state so she never has to see the look on my face when she makes those comments. I only told 5 people about my surgery: my mom, my 2 sisters, my husband and my best friend. She lives in another state and we probably only talk about once a month these days. I was counting on her as part of my support system. She is going through a lot, like all of us. She suffers from depression, struggles with money, has some family issues and lost her mom a year ago. I love her and I worry about her. It makes me sad that I feel like our friendship is not healthy for me.

Thankyou for the advice. Unfortunatly she is living with me for awhile so I have to see her everyday. A co worker pointed out to me that she may be jealous of more then just the weight loss, shes jealous because her lifes in turmoil shes living with me because of a bad breakup. and shes jealous i have a wonderful husband, a big house, a successful career. The weight loss would be the icing on the cake and all of that combined makes her envious. I dont know if this is true but it sounds logical. I hope for things to get better and if anyone else reads this i would still like to hear your stories of how you handled unsupportive people. Thanks!

I'm not a therapist, but I think that he's gone way beyond "subconscious". What the h*ll does he think he is doing???? Maybe it's time for some direct and honest questions and ANSWERS. My SO is clinically depressed, but even so that does not give him the right to be sooo unfeeling and unsupportive to the point of being cruel. We had a "lively" Q & A last night. That is the reason I didn't get back to you last night. The "air" is much clearer around here this morning I live way up here in upstate NY, but for whatever it's worth--you have MY support. Please, keep in touch. I care. Valentina ....

Did you read what was written or do you have your selective memory engaged? Here's what was said - since you seem hung up on misquoting me, I'll cut and paste. Steph asked "ok so now how do you keep others out?" Note, she didn't say THE others (as in the other December Bandsters). She said OTHERS as in any people we don't know. I answered: HA! I don't think we can keep others out, but we can ignore them if they post in here. (((laughing))) That was mean, and of course I didn't mean it. Now if you know more about what I meant by those words, then by all means, explain it to me. Nothing I've done or said is hypocritical. There are numerous explanations as to why we post in that thread over there. I invite you to read (and understand) what was said. You're the main person vocalizing your displeasure about the thread. Stirring up unnecessary drama is as unsupportive as one can get, as far as I'm concerned. Just as YOU said: "It was so much easier to check in today, so fewer posts!!! I think since a large group within this group took off to another place (yeh, being I just got here, I was a little offended by that, but whatever, there are other GREAT people left behind with me... so I'm happy about that!) And it has made it easier to stay caught up!!! YEH!" That was our motivation to take our personal chit chat to another place - it's easier to keep up. Any other questions? Or can we put this behind us now? Nathalie

Hey folks-- I finally will have a surgery date by the end of the week for sometime in April. Here is my honest to God, unbias opinion of the Doctors and Specialists I have seen. First up, Bariatric Surgeon #1.... Dr. Moran. http://www.alasurgery.com/ The Short: $250 "administrative fee." Unsupportive Staff. Reputable and experienced Surgeon. Bad Bed side manner. Very much to the point. The Long: His office staff was rude, unhelpful, and unsupportive to my needs. They gave me a hassle about faxing my documentating to another doctor when I decided to change. I was denied by insurance because my BMI was > 50. They knew this on the first visit/consultation. Dr. Moran told me all he would have to do is call the insurance company and the denial would be overturned. After I plunked down the cash, the copays, etc, I was told by his office staff that Dr. Moran was far too busy to call me or my insurance company. They referred me to a financing company to pay for my surgery, even though I am fully 100% insured. They offered no assistance in the way of the appeals. Pharrah (office manager), Iris(receptionist), and Ann(bariatric coordinator) are the office staff that I had the displeasure of dealing with. I had to call their office constantly to receive updates on my case. It seemed as if without me calling and asking constantly, nothing got done. Dr. Moran himself was alright, though a bit cold and curt. The office staff motivated me to move to a new Doctor and never look back. Tammi Moore-- Psychiatrist: She is a wonderful woman and knows all about the bariatric surgeries. I really enjoyed working with her and talking with her. I am considering seeing her again after my surgery. Dr. Earnhardt - Cardiologist: This man was probably my favorite of all the specialists I have seen. So kind, attentive, and informative. Loved this visit. Ashley Miles - Nutritionist at Rex Wellness SHe was a total sweetheart as well. It was a joy to see her. Highly recommended. Baratric Surgeon #2.... Dr. Enochs. http://www.surgerync.com/ Angelica at Dr. Enochs is my angel. She was VERY helpful over the phone far before I paid them a single dime. She is the bariatric coordinator over there. She talked me through my issues and got me in to see Dr. Enochs as soon as possible. Luckily, in between visits, I lost the weight I needed for the BMI factor, so that will no longer be an issue. Dr. Enochs himself is a sweetheart and took the time to answer all of my questions. However, there is a $500 administrative fee here. BUT, since I had already paid Dr. Moran $250 and was so frustrated by the process, Dr. Enochs only charged me $250. Yay! It was somewhat of a lengthy wait once I got to the office (30 minutes after my scheduled appointment) and his office in Cary is a bit of a haul from my home in NorthWest Raleigh, but I think it was well worth it. Dr. Enochs also has a FANTASTIC support staff who saw me and spent time with me. I met with 5 employees while there, all guiding me through their area of expertise. Highly recommended. Please PM or reply with any questions at all.

Hi Everyone! Im looking to see what great things you guys are planning on doing once you lose weight after your band, that you cant do now. Lets start a ginormous list for everyone to review as motivation when you dont ever think the insurance will approve you, the liquid diet is kicking you in the butt, or your family is being unsupport. Please list 5 things that you hope to accomplish. I'll start being able to wear calf boots without having to worry about them digging into my calves being able to shop in the misses section of the stores, and not the womens/plus section being able to fing cute/comfortable bras (Yes, Im looking forward to getting rid of the girls) can we say cute coats without any X's on the tags?!? being able to wear belts!

I told select members of my family. I had reactions on all ends of the spectrum. My mother was worried and pissed that she couldn't take off from work the day of my surgery. The very first person I told back when I was just thinking about it was my cousin who's like a sister to me. She was there with me for the surgery and has been the most supportive. She has weight issues of her own, and if & when she makes it up in her mind, I will be right there by her side too. DH was the most unsupportive. He would tell me things like, you shouldn't eat, do what I do and drink energy drinks instead of eating, eat only once a day. He knew that if I didn't eat I would get terrible headaches, and then I found out I was borderline diabetic in 2004, which contributed to the headaches when I let myself get too hungry. I told him he's never had a weight problem so he cannot relate. It wasn't until the Monday before I had the surgery that he lent his support -- AFTER he saw that I was going through with it anyway.

Ok, so I go to my surgeon's support group and last night someone said something that struck me emotionally. A lady was talking about how she wants the sleeve and her husband, who was with her, was against it. After she was done talking another lady, who also didn't have the sleeve yet, said ".... but you're not that big". Seriously???? We're at a sleeve support group and you bring that out??? Yes, the lady who said that was larger than the one with the unsupportive husband, and I think that maybe this lady was just trying to make the other feel better (compliment??), but I got so emotional and had to call the lady out on what she said. I was told alot by friends and family that they didn't think I was big enough. I'm sure they thought of it as a compliment but really it hurt because I could never talk to them about the sleeve beyond their accusation of my size. I was 290 before I got sleeved and had tried and tried and tried and wanted to be able to diet and exercise SO BAD but I couldn't do it mentally. I came to the conclusion to do it for ME because I KNEW I needed a tool to help me, and asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness. Its a very personal decision that everyone makes to have it, and to hear someone say "you're not that big" now not only hurts but pisses me off. So I guess what I'm saying is for people who may not be 350+ or who wear it well, don't listen to the ignorance when people try to tell you you don't need the surgery when you know in your heart that it is the right decision for you.

My surgery was last wends and I plan on going back to work tomorrow,less than 7 days out but i timed it so that I could use my sick days in conjunction with the weekend. I am keeping the surgery a secret because people at my job are so mean and unsupportive. I have techniques that i will use to get up from my desk every hour to move. I am not in pain so i think I will be ok....

I just read that in disbelief. Why is your husband so unsupportive? You drove 103 miles while he slept? I am so mad right now! You know, some men have great insecurities. My ex use to tell me that no one would love me like he does...I use to smile on the inside, because it only meant he was insecure, though he was very convinced I wouldn't leave...until I did. I know it's hard when you are married, but you may seriously want to consider whether its a healthy relationship for you to be in. I can just see him trying to sabotage your weight loss by bringing around unhealthy foods. You are doing this for you, please continue and know that we are here to support you. You can do this!!

This... I'm so excited so I am telling people who don't need to know! I'm not ashamed; I feel like I'm doing something to take care of my health. But I see people here who've had very unsupportive family, friends, and partners, so I can certainly understand why people wouldn't feel the same way as I do. I'm single, I don't have kids, and my parents are really supportive - they're even coming up to stay with me for a few weeks during and after surgery (they will be staying at a hotel because my apartment is too small for three people, so it's not simple to do that). My brother was really concerned but it seemed to be about COVID and now that I'm vaccinated, I think he's probably okay (although when he had spinal surgery in college I was terrified, so maybe we're just really protective of each other).

@@WL WARRIOR I agree with @@VSGAnn2014 I have chosen not to tell the unsupportive family members in my life. I have now come to realize I don't need anyone approval. They talked about me before the surgery and that is not going to change. Funny how you can make positive changes in your life and they cannot be happy for you. My haters are really speaking volumes about how unhappy they are. Be selfish! do for you in life.

I have only told 2 people other than my hubby (of course). The main reason I told these people about my plans is I will need someone to watch my boys when the time comes and I didn't want to throw this on them last minute. I told my sister in law and my mother (my mother told my grandmother, so technically 3 ppl other than hubby). My SIL has had some questions, mostly concerning the fact that I will be doing it in Mexico (she was afraid they would have dirt floors or something ) but once I explained it all (and assured her they had real floors) she has been supportive since. My grandmother hasn't weighed in one way or the other, but my mother is trying to talk me out of it. She seemed like she was going to be supportive at first but today at physical therapy (she had open heart surgery recently) she talked to a nurse who had nothing good to say about WLS and said she should "try to talk me out of it" (my moms words). Now my mom is not being supportive at all. I finally settled on Dr. Aceves and I was telling her about all the things I have read about him, about how everyone every where sings his praises and how I haven't really fond anything negative about him. I even mentioned what I read on here about him teaching American doctors how to do the surgery, and about him being accredited by american organizations. I thought doing so would ease her mind but she seems more unsupportive of the surgery in general not just about going to Mexico. I have given her all the information I have to give. I am going to need her help and support to get through this and if she doesn't come back around.... I don't know what I will do. I tried to explain it in a way I thought she would understand. She has diabetes, heart disease, high BP, sleep apnea, etc. I have borderline cholesterol and BP, the heavier I get the worse and more frequently I get palpitations and there is a possibility I may have sleep apnea but I have never been tested but I have alot of the symptoms. My father also has diabetes, high BP and sleep apnea. I explained that I am trying to prevent all the things she has gone through BEFORE they become very real and present dangers. I explained that I have done alot of research and feel that WLS is my way out of the life she has had to live. I reminded her of all the diets and pills and overkill workouts I have done only to lose a few pounds then turn around and gain it all back then some. She asked me why not try WW and I said "Why? It will only delay the inevitable! People lose weight from WW, yes, but you constantly hear about people who gained every bit of it back. Why put myself through the hell of yet another failed attempt then end up getting the surgery anyway?" None of the above made her anymore supportive She knows me! She KNOWS I don't dive into things head first without looking first. She KNOWS I do my homework on any big decision. Why can't she just trust that, trust ME, instead of some random nurse she came across. Because she is a nurse? HELLO!!?? Nursing student here!!! What can I do to bring her around? If I can't bring her around how do I deal with the fact that one of the most important people in my life is against this?

I want to comment on two points that Spartan made. First . . Based on my own reading and research, I do not believe that this is accurate, and a significant percentage of the bandsters who I know have either met and surpassed their goals or are well on their way to doing so. I'm willing to bet that, of people who actually work with their bands, more than 90% are able to get to their goals. As reliable as that . . unnamed study . . by an unspecified group in Europe . . that hasn't been published yet. . and where you didn't have the underlying data. . sounds, I'm calling BS on this. The reason the band works so well is that it makes it physically impossible (well, difficult) to overeat. I just do not believe that any significant percentage of the non-banded people were able to avoid overeating for the year + that would have been required for them to actually enjoy the full benefits of being banded. I am not trying to be inflamatory here, but when I see posts like this that seem to misstate statistics or make vague, unsupported references to unnamed studies, it makes me mad. It seems irresponsible and I don't like that it might discourage bandsters or prospective bandsters from believing that they can get to goal. I have my own statistics and 18-month long personal scientific study on life with the band. That's all the proof I need that this process absolutely works when you follow the rules more often than not. And, if I can do it, so can anyone else who is willing to put in the effort. Catherine

Bikrchk, I'm with you. The fact everyone knows about my surgery is a big factor in holding myself accountable. Now that I'm in maintenance I know I won't fail because I want to be a good example. And thank you everyone else for your posts. You make very good points. I used to work for a big corporation, so I know about office politics and dealing with "suits". That BS is a big reason why I went back to school for a complete career change in my 30's. And it's a real shame that so many people have friends and family that are unsupportive. I guess it just upsets me that WLS is still such a taboo subject in today's society. Losing weight and being healthy are an aspiration for Americans but the fact that there is a "right" way (excersise, eating healthy) and a "wrong" way (WLS) is just crazy. The choice to tell or not tell is just that and everyone has to do what is best for them. I just think that the only way to help break down the stigma of surgery is for people to hear about our successes rather than repeat the stories about a "friend of a friend that died". And people's reactions may surprise you...hearing the truth could help someone else struggling with their weight. Really, if we can't be supporters of WLS, who will be?

@@Nickkibear24 I was selective of who I told. Don't care what they thought or currently think. If people can't be happy for positive things in life they live in their own negative misery. Life is far to short to give unsupportive people a second thought.

I think most of us only tell people who we think are going to be supportive, and like me, are surprised to learn that they actually aren't. My brother for example, struggled with his weight all his life, yet still does not support my decision. Yes, I was shocked. I would never tell anyone who is knowingly unsupportive, and I'm sure no one else would either. Please don't assume.

You look absolutely fantastic! Congratulations on your weight loss and best of luck with the rest of your journey. An unsupportive partner is not an easy thing to have to deal with but you are persevering nonetheless.

Something to keep in mind when you come across friends who have become unsupportive through your WL journey. It's possible that if the person is taking too many withdrawals from the relationship then it might be time to let them go. Special thanks to @ummyasmin for sharing this concept.

Hmmm, I have one friend who is remarkable unsupportive. I honestly wish I had never told her about it in the first place. I did not tell too many people, my mom, grandma, husband, and 4 very close friends. With the exception of this one riend everyone has been super about it. I think the unsuportive friend has her own issues and me being 100 pounds overwieght makes it easier for her to feel good about the 50 or so pounds she claims she needs to lose. I dont accept negativity and I look at it as her problem rather than mine. It sucks that I dont want to talk to her too much about it because it iss an exciting journey that Iwant to share with those I am close to. I have not told anyone else in my family because I know they would not understand and I dont feel like explaining and reexpailning and justifying etc over and over again.

Thank you for your informative and inspiring story. Very happy to hear that you listened to your body and made good choices. I totally understand unsupportive friends and family. From the verbal yummmmmmmms this is amazing through dessert while I'm abstaining to the tugging on my clothes if they were loose. I'm especially proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself, for not purchasing a scale (we all know all too well that the scale is the devils seed and is a LIAR). I think I will be putting mine away. I would much prefer to follow your lead and concentrate on other indicators. Being addicted to weighing in would set you up to compare your efforts against others. WTG! You got this!

98% of the people I know, thin and overweight, have been supportive of my decision. My sister-in-law, who is much bigger than me, made a passing comment about it being the easy way out... now that peeved me because from what I've read here, it is not an easy way out, people have to work at it etc etc. I will be banded next week, 1 Nov, and I'm terrified... that alone does not make it the easy way out as far as I'm concerned !! Her husband, my brother, wants to do it and I think she's scared that she'll be left behind... I understand her fears but I'm thinking maybe many others, even the supportive ones, may think I am taking the "easy way out". I am doing this for my health and wellbeing and that alone is what is pushing me through my fears (and the support here of course). You have to do what you need to do to save your life and even though friendships are important, unsupportive ones are not. If they are not willing to stand by you, no doubt you will find new ones on your journey.

I couldn't imagine going through this with an unsupportive spouse. I hope things are better for you. If not do what you need to do for yourself!