Search the Community

Hi Everyone! Im looking to see what great things you guys are planning on doing once you lose weight after your band, that you cant do now. Lets start a ginormous list for everyone to review as motivation when you dont ever think the insurance will approve you, the liquid diet is kicking you in the butt, or your family is being unsupport. Please list 5 things that you hope to accomplish. I'll start being able to wear calf boots without having to worry about them digging into my calves being able to shop in the misses section of the stores, and not the womens/plus section being able to fing cute/comfortable bras (Yes, Im looking forward to getting rid of the girls) can we say cute coats without any X's on the tags?!? being able to wear belts!

I hope she realizes how unsupportive and down right mean she is being. That is not how a friend is supposed to act about something so important to you. Maybe she'll see it, and understand it too.

I agree with others thinking its jealousy. I too have a few friends who are very unsupportive. And everyone of them are heavy,,,sad to say but it's true!!! Sometimes with friends like that we don't need enemies!!

THEHAPPYCAT - way to go!!! Loved your blog. And I am glad you and other friends were able to move away from this unsupportive former friend. Life is so short, you don't need people like that around you. CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss!!! Please be sure to post those hot air balloon pictures!

Hi all- I just received an apology from Persistance, saying she did not mean to come across to hard on our WonderMom here. When responding to her, I realized, I too had handled it wrong. While she was harsh in the way she said things, she too is honestly looking out for Wonders safety. She deals personally with abusive relationships, and has seen the worst happen. NONE of us want that for Wonder, we all have different ways of voiceing that, and advising her. Some of us wish we could just go pull her out of the house, and fix it all for her!!! We can't. Dammit! Anyway--please know wonder, that we all just want the best for you, we worry about you. Many of us have been where you are, and know it can go from bad to worse very quickly, and we just want you to be proactive rather than reactive to things he says and does. Keep in contact with your attorney, and with us---even when we say things you don't like it is done, hoping to help you. I really do not believe anyone is trying to be unsupportive, we all just show it in different ways. Tough love is afterall still love---just wrapped up differently. Hang in there Wonder---we're all here! Kat

My surgery is in a week and I've told EVERYONE! Friends, family, coworkers, total strangers, and everyone is super excited for me. Luckily, I teach sex ed for a small nonprofit, so we're all pretty open about our bodies. I even have a coworker who had the same surgeon as me! The only unsupportive person I've come across is my neighbor who is even bigger than I am, and I think that's more due to jealousy than anything else.

I let my unsupportive husband talk me out of surgery for many years!! This time I went through all the appointments and had surgery scheduled before I even told him. I was NOT letting him talk me out of it this time!! I had sleeve surgery one month ago yesterday. I only wish I had done it years ago!! And FYI - since the surgery he has been MUCH more supportive than I ever thought he could be! Good luck and please don’t let him change your mind!!

Oh man, what a topic! Well, when my husband and I met, I was 19 and a college cheerleader. I was heavy in Hs, and lost 60lbs in college getting to an all time low which was a size 8. My relationship with him started off completely just sexual (sorry TMI). I ended up pregnant 6 months later while on birth control. I wasn't in love with him, but we decided to parent anyway. It was rough, going from being "hook up partners" to a couple and parents. I gained over 80lhs that pregnancy because of depression. After I had my son, I gained about 20 more from severe post partum depression. We split up for a while, and I think I went back to him because it was easy. I knew he wanted me, even if he wasn't the best for me. Now, 4 years later, were married with another baby and we still have a rocky relationship. He's not unsupportive, but he's not terribly supportive either. He never tells me I'm pretty, or tells me that he notices my weight loss. But if I say "hey I lost 5lbs this week" all he will say is "good job" and leave it at that. He's a great provider financially, but a crappy husband and so-so father. We'll see what happens. As my self confidence has gone up, I've been more "ballsy" during fights and standing up for myself. Not sure if I even answered the post lol. Sorry I hijacked it!

I can relate to what your going through. It seems when you tell people that you are doing this there are three types of replies: 1. Supportive 2: dont really care or 3: unsupportive, and automatically they are nutrionists, dieticians, and have the secrets to getting thinner. And these people are usually the skinniets people, or people that don't struggle with weight loss. Your true friends are the ones that can look you in the eye and say they love you the way you are but support you in making the changes that will make you happy.

I hear you! I am very lucky in that I volunteer in the nutrition center of my local hospital so the RD's are behind me all the way. My husband on the other hand while not unsupportive is of the "if you just tried harder..." school of thought(he doesn't have a weight problem and hasn't battled it for 20+ years). I was going to keep my surgery to myself as we live in a small town with a big gossip problem, but I felt that I probably should tell the family. BIG mistake - and one you'd think I'd have foreseen considering my sister-in-law has blabbed every confidence any friend has told her. I didn't even get to inform my mother-in-law before blabber-mouth called to tell her. Now everyone knows and feels compelled to ask the What? Why? and recount the "OMG I Heard...Horror Story". And the diet sabotage has begun...last week it was a family birthday dinner at the Outback that I just HAD to go to(per my s-i-l) - didn't. Today it's a phone message from the monster-in-law..."Family dinner tomorrow night...I know you're on your little diet, but maybe you can bring your special food..." - NOT! I'm sending the hubs and renting a movie - saving myself from an evening of BS Q&A! Like most women I do most things for others i.e. the family - But this journey I'm doing for me:thumbup:

My Dad doesnt know yet and my Mom is totally unsupportive. She says you lost 80 lbs on Nutrisystem last year and put it all back on. What about this?? 10 years from now you say the band will probably fail by then per stats, are you going to have to get these fills for the rest of your life? My mom has to force herself to eat and weighs less than 100 lbs. My Dad got down to 136 lbs, he couldnt force himself to eat and we had to put him on a feeding tube. Both have prided themselves on being so thin and make really awful comments about fat people. If I say anything she says "cant I have an opinion?" I have a slow sister I told her tonight was discussing someone at the Center and making comments about their weight (who weighed less than I do). I told my mom and instead of recognizing that this is wrong, she launched into how upset she is my sister put on 15 lbs. My 5 7 sister is all of 130 lbs or so. My support system is nil. I have no one to lean on who understands. My mom says why not just do nutrisystem again? Last time my Dad almost died twice and I had to feed my sister and was dropping in at fast food places and at the rehab where I couldnt eat right and then I broke my shoulder. She says today, well you just admitted you put on the weight when things got stressfull, Im just not convinced this is needed. Someone who doesnt care about food or like it cant understand someone like me who loves to eat and long term facing tempations. Iv yo yo'ed so many times my skin is all stretched out and I already know I will never look good again, even if I lose the weight and keep it off. But I still need to lose the weight or its going to kill me. I wouldnt know what to do with a supportive family.

I am vlogging on youtube. So I thought it would be silly to try and keep it a secret from people in my day to day life. Also, several people in my family have had wls. It's become a very normal part of my life. The more people I talk to about my own surgery, the more I hear that they know one or two people who have also had wls. Someone I know has decided to start their own journey towards wls based off of me being open about my experience. That alone makes all the 'haters' worth it. I completely understand why people choose to keep it to themselves. It's a sensitive topic. And the general public can often be mean, or at least unsupportive. But I am choosing to be open, and so far I don't regret it.

I'm from a close family as well, we all live within five minutes of each other and we're all in constant communication, everyone up in everyone else's business, things like that. Initially, I started with just telling my mom what I was thinking about and that I really wanted her to back me. At nineteen, I'm good to do a lot of things without my mom's say so, but this wasn't one of them. So that was in November. My sister found out on accident when she heard me talking to the doc. We're fourteen months apart, she's younger, so we're close but we fight all the time. She's completely unsupportive and has stated this on several occasions, but she refuses to give me any reasons. We decided to tell my dad after I was approved because if you go to him with anything half assed, then he'll ask you why you don't know all your information. But then, when he found out I'd been keeping it from him for so long, he was livid. I don't think I've ever seen him so mad. That was Saturday and he hasn't spoken to me. He refused to drive me back to college, my sister had to do it. He also stated that he was completely unsupportive and he gave plenty of reasons - you could do this without the surgery, you're not thinking, you are being ridiculous, ect. - and he also will not support me. So after that, I don't think I'm going to tell my other family members, but then what if they react like he did if I hide it? My friends - those I've had forever and my roommates that I've only known in the six months since I've transferred here - took it better then my sister and my father. So I don't know what to think. But I can relate. I'm sticking by the fact that I'm doing this for ME, not for anyone else. I'm doing this for my health and to better my own life and we just have to stick with that. Good luck! And let me know if you need someone to talk to!

Wow, how did today go from GREAT to UCK so fast? So my dad has recently been sleeved and I had finally come to my own realization that I was ready for that as well. Luckily after a great conversation with my folks, they were very supportive of my decision. My family is very close and while I don't NEED their support it means a lot to me that I have it. So I figured everything was good and so brought the matter up with my grandmother. Lets just say that the awkward silence after I 'spilled the beans' when I was talking on the phone with her was epic. I couldn't tell if she was shocked (although I don't know why) or in major disapproval. I guess I was just taking it for granted that she would be supportive of my decision and it surprised me to find out that it doesn't seem like she is. I'm hoping that maybe after she thinks about it, and after further conversation, she'll have a better reaction. I really just wanted to shout, "I've been overweight for YEARS and it's not getting better. I need help and getting this surgery is not shameful and it does not somehow make me weak. It takes strength to know when you need help and to have the courage to go forward into the unknown. I will be happier and healthier...so whats not to like?" Even if her reaction doesn't change I'm still going forward with this because in the end it's my life...but I would be lying if I said that it doesn't make me sad. Did anybody else face something like this from your family/friends? If so, how did you deal with it? What did you say? Thanks! ~Lyra

INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. DEAR DESPERATE, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7 Good Luck Babe! Tech Support

I can completely relate to you my best friend in the whole wide wide wide world trys to compete with me lol god bless her I love her to death so I refrain from telling her anything thank god my bf told me to take the high road he thinks my complaints about her are very highschoolish lol after I thought about it I laughed because even then she's tried competing with me copying me I like a bag she trys to get it first but little does she know I got it last month lol she went to a seminar for gastric bypass I went with her but she chickened out she said she'll wait a few yrs to get it since she's on her moms insurance till she's 26 so she's not focused on weight loss surgery mind you that's when I myself was continuously getting denied for my lap band (changed my mind to sleeve) so finally I tell her oh im getting the sleeve she tells me oh that's a little too drastic your doing too much completely unsupportive I didn't care so Oct 17 2011 I got my surgery now she's suddenly happy && proud of me oh && also she made a appointment to see her dr nov 15 to talk to her about getting the sleeve its so annoying to me like none of my other friends ever try to have this silent competition with me ugh im getting mad now thinking about it haha but what are you gonna do right atleast im inspiring her to get healthy one way or thee other sorry for the long post but this topic really hit home to me don't feel bad about your decisions that's so beneficial to aid you to a long healthy life<3

You are far, far from alone. You've found a great place to hang out and bounce thoughts and ideas around with folks that have been where you are. It absolutely sucks to not have family support. That is something that is beyond your span of control. Right now it's time to rally and focus. Don't worry about things that you have no direct control over. Simply take care of the details that you can.....such as getting all your ducks in a row leading up to surgery.....following your eating plan and getting your mind wrapped firmly about the changes that you're making to claim your health. Any type of surgery has risks. I've heard the spiel each time I went under for repairs to my knees, ankle, hernia repairs and etc. Each time I woke up feeling relieved that it was over and all that was left was to heal and recover. I'm a special kind of stupid, though, in that I'm always tearing something up in some misadventure or another. Oh well......having fun has it's risks, too. Nothing is as risky as living at the weight I was last year, though. The Grim Reaper's shadow was creeping over me. Stroke, heart attack or worse was a real threat. Now......nothing could be further from my mind. The sleeve was a gift. The benefits it has delivered have been rolling in ever since. It starts with small things....scale moving in a great direction, clothes getting loose, aches and pains subsiding.......then it leads to other events.......having blood pressure go into normal range, after falling into "low" range briefly....lol at those low bp feels....never before had I experienced it. I was at Best Buy reaching down to get a CD from the lower shelf and I almost.....almost blacked out. It took a huge effort to get upright and breathing. Turns out my bp meds and the 3 week post-sleeve weight loss had joined forces bigtime. Funny stuff. I will wager this for you...........Those unsupportive folks will change their tune once they see your resolve. They will see that you aren't waiting around for a miracle, but taking steps and applying your effort and focus to make this happen. They can't help but be impressed by your dedication and work. It takes dedication and effort on your part of the sleeve to work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The stuff about being able to eat anything the first year and still lose lots of weight is bullcrap. It may apply to some.....but not to everyone. Eating the right foods is the crucial part for me. Sugars and starches will cause my losing to stop and weight gain to occur. I know this because I've had it happen last month. No.....losing weight takes effort on your part.....with or without wls. Once your family sees you putting forth this effort every single day.....and your weight coming off......they will most likely come around to supporting you. Don't hold your breath, though......just do your thing. Get healthy and reap the benefits of getting there. You'll find your stride and never look back. I have nothing but respect for you making this change. You are young and have a great life waiting for you. Don't sweat the pre-op diet and post-op first weeks......simply stick with the plan and work through it. It's a brief phase and you'll get on to losing very quickly if you stick with it. Go buy a full length mirror and get ready to see the progress....take lots of pictures along the way so you'll never forget what happens if you don't stay with the plan......and then look back and see how far you came and how good you feel. You've got this. Your new life is waiting......

I am a strong independent female, my husband was very unsupportive, my mother along with a nanny helped me. you have no idea how absolutely necessary it is to have someone the days following surgery, let me tell you i have high tolerance or pain but this pain was the worst i have ever experienced in my life. Good luck.

Hey Everyone! Didnt know where else better I can b***h and complain than here! So, Im 29 years old with a gorgeous 18 month old girl and a supportive husband. My older sister (who was always a size 6 ) and my mom are so not supportive and its driving me NUTS! Ever since I started my research for the sleeve my family have been so unsupportive of me. I dont care that they dont approve, but I have told them they dont have to like it,but they will respect my decision. I told my mom exactly what the surgery entailed and what my eating pattern would be post op. She even did her own research and commented that she didnt know part of my stomach was going to be removed. Fast forward a few weeks and I am now 2 weeks post op and she keeps bringing up that she didnt know part of the stomach was removed and if she knew that, she wouldve jumped in front of the stretcher at the hospital!! And now on top of all this...she keeps saying that my daughter will be my only child because I wont be able to have another child with the new stomach! I have given her so much research information and packets from my surgeon. I just wish my family would be supportive like they said they would!! Sorry for the venting!!

I haven't had surgery yet, but I've seen the surgeon, the nutrionists, and had some of the insurance required tests already. I still have a few things to do, but the surgeon said he thinks I should be able to have it in November. So wouldn't you know that the moment I commented on one of the posts here about unsupportive boyfriend MY husband decides that he does not want me to have surgery. First he said he is worried something will happen to me, then he says I can do it by exercise and diet, and then today he said that he met me heavy and he wants me to be like how I was when we first met. Honestly I think he is worried that if I get thin that I will leave him, which I would not leave him but he told me that he will not support me on my decision to have it. He said we will get a divorce. He had already told me that he would not take to me or pick me up from the hospital and that he wouldn't take care of me at home, and I needed to call my sister to come and do it all. It is very odd because we have been together 12 or 13 years, married for ten of those years and he has never been that way with me. He says he loves me but he sure isn't acting like it. I think in the end he will go along with it but for now he has really upset me. His parents said they would help me when it comes time for my surgery. Each time I drink a shake he asks me why I'm still doing that diet. I just tell him it's because it's easier than eating at the moment. I guess I should mention that I've already lost some weight and now he is heavier than me.....not by much but he knows I'm going to keep losing and he is struggling to lose it, but he has started to the gym and hopefully he can lose it and won't feel so insecure. I really do think he will change when it comes to surgery time, but for now I'm just dealing with him nagging me about the diet and exercise. I'm all about exercise, but I'm healing from some tendon surgery so I have to wait until after my physical therapy for my whole body. Has anybody else had a spouse that didn't want to support their surgery in the beginning but changed their mind later?

hi, i'm usually an 'open book' so i've been telling anyone who asks and i did tell my immediate family members before hand so they knew why i was at the hospital. the only negative response i had was from my sister and i think that was more out of fear that something would happen to me during surgery. she felt bad that i thought this was the only option left for me - i really did feel that way and still do even post-banding. but she was supportive as heck thru my post surgery recovery (can always count on her!) but now she doesn't ask about it - at all. doesn't care if i've lost weight. i'm not sure why but i don't push it. other than that, i think it's been a positive experience talking with people about it! i think people with negative comments or reactions have their own issues they are dealing with and just can't be supportive for their own reasons. i would not try to justify myself, just let it drop and let them think what they will. i'm really sorry to hear about the unsupportive husband. i have been lucky - mine has been an ANGEL and incredibly supportive. this whole process would have been so much harder without his support - tho i would have done it anyway! it had to be done. i have to do this. it's a very personal decision 'to share or not to share' and whatever works for you is best.

I completely understand the choices made... such a personal thing. I have chosen to tell all of my people, as we connect. One of my core values is honesty and being authentic. When someone asks me what is new in my life, it seems weird to me to withold the fact that I am preparing to change my life in a very big way. If someone asked me how I suddenly was able to drop 50-100 lbs after carrying this weight for 20 years and doing WW, Jenny Craig, FatSmash, etc., I prefer to speak my truth than to say that I am doing the same thing I've always done with a different result. Also, I wanted to hear the horror stories, so that I could make an informed decision. I have not yet heard a sleeve horror story, actually. When I met with my nutritionist, and asked why I can't lose weight while consuming 1600 calories a day... and she said that with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), I would never lose weight without surgery. I will offer this to anyone who seems to be unsupportive of my choice (along with a description of how I used to suffocate when I slept, and now sleep with a machine), but frankly... I am surrounded by loving, supportive, remarkable people... and I have been overwhelmed by love, enthusiasm, and complete support from doctors, boss, co-workers, family, friends, and the WLS support group I've already joined... including a list of people who want to care for me after surgery (I am single and childless, and live alone with my 19 year old cat). I can't imagine denying them the opportunity to be my heroes. If people really care about you, they will want you to be happy, healthy, and whole. If they share horror stories, it is because they care about you, and fear the risks of surgery. If you take the time to help them understand your struggle and inner turmoil... they will come to support your choice. If they don't... they are confused and probably not worthy of you.

Hi there...I too have an unsupportive husband. He tried for a year or more to belittle the idea because he feels it's not worth a major surgery, when some are able to lose lbs w/o surgery. Then came the, "what if you die?" argument. Finally he admitted that he knows that he feels comfortable with my being overweight. That his opinion on this is more about HIM than me. So, now we're saving for the surgery and he's "ready"... he will take care of me no matter what, but his emotions will be more erratic than mine. It's SO hard to deal with men like this. I feel your pain. Let's pray for one another and maybe we can support one another in some small way! Contact me if you need to talk it out. God bless!!

I guess I'm an odd duck. I told all my friends and family and many people at work. I am in a cubicle, and I very quickly got sick of trying to find an empty office to make "secret" phone calls. Heck, at least 20 people have "felt my port" and oohed over my superglued incisions. ) I have yet to have anyone be unsupportive. Some are neutral, but that's okay. I am glad I did it, because at least three people in my company have contacted me and wanted to know more, because it was something they were considering and were scared to try. They see me as a role model - who knew? The one rule I have is that I try not to volunteer information. Nothing is more boring to most people than listening to someone give the details of their latest medical procedure. If asked, I am happy to tell them whatever they want to know. I can even send them links to surgeries and to this website! I'm happily letting my freak flag fly!!

Hi all, I’m new to this community and this my first post. I have a tentative VSG date of April 12, 2021. Currently awaiting approval from insurance. Here is my problem: I am a single 40 year-old woman who lives alone with her dog. My parents who are in their early 70s and healthy have agreed to come help out 1-2 weeks post surgery. As the surgery date gets closer, my parents, specifically my mother are starting to become less and less supportive. She’s unsure if they will be able to help post-op, she thinks I should wait until summer, she’s worried about post-surgical pain, she thinks I should board the dog so they don’t have to take care of her, etc. I’ve officially been meeting with doctors and checking things off since October of 2020. I’ve been open and planning with my family for this for years. I’m frustrated with the lack of support from my parents and don’t want to wait until summer for surgery. I am able to take time off of work, and work from home when I get surgery in April. I have been hesitant to share this news or even my surgery plans even with my close friends. It’s too personal and too painful and I don’t really want to depend on them for help. I don’t have a partner or any siblings close enough to help out. Has anyone struggled with a similar issue? How terrible and painful and unmanageable is the first two weeks after surgery? I don’t want to do it alone, but I’m afraid my parents are not in a good space to move in for 1-2 weeks nd help me directly after. In fact, they seem downright unsupportive at times. Any advice, recommendations, or experiences are welcome. Thanks in advance.