Search the Community

Have I let the Genie out of the bottle? Current mood:dauphin- esque Category: Blogging Ciss and I went out this last weekend to Shreveport. Lemme tell ya, it was a good time. The food was good (On the Border....mexican hit the spot), the conversation was good, and when things get a little slow, I can always look at Brandi's boobs (she doesn't mind.....much). What else could anybody ask for in an outing? Alcohol? Why yes, there was a little alcohol involved. The thing is, I'm not very much of a drinker. I don't think I had too many. Let me reflect back: Did I give unsolicited advice? No... Did I delve into the philosophical? No... Did I slur any words? No.... Did I hit on Brandi by feeding her cheap compliments? Maybe... Did I "weird out" Heather and Paul with one of my rants? I don't know.... Did I stop at WhattaBurger on the way out? No... There ya go. Survey says.....Didn't overindulge! But....I'm kind of an antisocial bastard. I'm really pretty shy. Sometimes having a few beers helps me to get "in the zone" to make interacting with people (and let's face it....when ya go out drinking with Brandi and Ches, you never know who else is going to show up) a little easier. I thought I did my usual stellar job of balancing between just enough and too much......so imagine my surprise when it turns out that now Cissy is the fun drinking one of the couple! WTF ?!? Cissy? Seriously? How could I have allowed this to happen? Back early in the marriage, I was the fun drinking one of us, working the crowd and regurgitating charm all over the room. Or was I? After I thought about it a little, I came to an uncomfortable conclusion....I have always been the guy in the group to hold back a little.....to make sure that somebody was sober enough to ensure the safety of whomever I was responsible for. Man.....That Sucks! And it's not helping out my rep as a party dude, either. So how do I de-throne Ciss? I'm thinking that for the next outing, I have to go full-tilt. I'm gonna pound them drinks down. I plan on getting so incredibly inebriated that I will puke, take a deep breath, and call for more (Uh, I actually know a girl that did this with Strawberry Daquiris......No, that girl was not Brandi....). I will be an ass-spankin, dirty joke telling wastrel that hits on every chick that moves, bro. Now all I need is somebody to throw a party. Any volunteers?

Have I let the Genie out of the bottle? Current mood:dauphin- esque Category: Blogging Ciss and I went out this last weekend to Shreveport. Lemme tell ya, it was a good time. The food was good (On the Border....mexican hit the spot), the conversation was good, and when things get a little slow, I can always look at Brandi's boobs (she doesn't mind.....much). What else could anybody ask for in an outing? Alcohol? Why yes, there was a little alcohol involved. The thing is, I'm not very much of a drinker. I don't think I had too many. Let me reflect back: Did I give unsolicited advice? No... Did I delve into the philosophical? No... Did I slur any words? No.... Did I hit on Brandi by feeding her cheap compliments? Maybe... Did I "weird out" Heather and Paul with one of my rants? I don't know.... Did I stop at WhattaBurger on the way out? No... There ya go. Survey says.....Didn't overindulge! But....I'm kind of an antisocial bastard. I'm really pretty shy. Sometimes having a few beers helps me to get "in the zone" to make interacting with people (and let's face it....when ya go out drinking with Brandi and Ches, you never know who else is going to show up) a little easier. I thought I did my usual stellar job of balancing between just enough and too much......so imagine my surprise when it turns out that now Cissy is the fun drinking one of the couple! WTF ?!? Cissy? Seriously? How could I have allowed this to happen? Back early in the marriage, I was the fun drinking one of us, working the crowd and regurgitating charm all over the room. Or was I? After I thought about it a little, I came to an uncomfortable conclusion....I have always been the guy in the group to hold back a little.....to make sure that somebody was sober enough to ensure the safety of whomever I was responsible for. Man.....That Sucks! And it's not helping out my rep as a party dude, either. So how do I de-throne Ciss? I'm thinking that for the next outing, I have to go full-tilt. I'm gonna pound them drinks down. I plan on getting so incredibly inebriated that I will puke, take a deep breath, and call for more (Uh, I actually know a girl that did this with Strawberry Daquiris......No, that girl was not Brandi....). I will be an ass-spankin, dirty joke telling wastrel that hits on every chick that moves, bro. Now all I need is somebody to throw a party. Any volunteers?

I tried the ice...didn't help too much so today I went to my local drugs store and bought alcohol swabs with Benzocaine in them and it worked AWESOMELY!

I only found out about lapband early in July. Made 2 appointments for the 20th July, but decided to go with the first one I saw. He was very young and very confident and it was an immediate bonding. August 13th for me at Baulkham Hills Private (Dr Brendan Ryan from Circle of Care) Start diet on 30th July. Did it for 2 days just to try - no probs with Optifast vanilla at all.... but terrified that 14 days IS JUST SO LONG!!!!!!!! and then the same again on the other side of the surgery!!!!!!!!!! OMG HOW?!?!?!?!? Willpower is something I just dont have!!!!!! Plus I smoke (Far too many) Sooooo nasty as anything for me. I work from home doing accounting etc. so am hoping I can continue to work even if a bit slower. $4950 AUD less Medicare rebate $450 = $4500 which sound s pretty good to me, then I have to pay $500 hospital excess with Medibank Private - so out of pocket is $5000. Have to pay for ultrasounds etc $250 and pathology which I get done on 3rd August, but any retesting after that is bulkbilled. Need to fast 10-12 hours before both some having them an hour apart, first thing in the morning which should make it easier. Pre-op review on 4th August to look at test and see anaesthetist, answer any concerns etc discuss technique to be used. I have noticed some adverts on this site promoting single incision through belly button - I am going to ask if he can do this way - if not no probs - but what the hell might as well try. Big hurdle for me is that I have booked a big cruise for Christmas... our holiday of our lifetime. Hopefully lapband will be in full swing by then and I don't circum to all the evils of the 24 hour buffets... What do I do about cocktails - he said that liquid sugars are the devil to lapbands. They run straight through and are the main cause of failures/disappointing results. He was very matter of fact about it. DON'T DRINK SUGAR!!! that includes fruit juices. zero calorie soft drinks are ok, and sugar substitutes in coffee/tea are ok... no smoothies milkshakes cordials alcohol icecream (it melts to be liquid) or chocolate (same - melts) WISHING US ALL LUCK AND ANY TIPS APPRECIATED

So sorry about your DD. My first husband had issues with alcohol. I found attending 12-step meetings to be very beneficial. The Lord bless and keep you.

I started out in OA 30 years ago. I went to other 12 step programs from that point and have been happy in recovery from alcohol, mood altering drugs and relationships for many and varying years, one day at a time, but i have never been freed up from the desire to eat compulsively, band or no band. The band has kept me from doing major damage to myself and allowed me to take off a lot of wt. in spite of my active food addiction. It is sort of like harm reduction. I returned last week to OA, and having the band and still feeling compulsive is the reason I returned. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am a food junkie. As an old time 12 stepper, I am sure that the 1st tradition applies, and I have to place principles before personalities. If someone has a hard time with my personal choice to be banded then they need to take thier own inventory, not mine. I just know that I need this program and plan to take what i need and leave the rest. It is part of why I am here, I have done everything humanly possible to control this disease and I can't. Maybe we just need to be out about the band and let the chips fall where they may. I know that is my plan. I am not out to convince anybody else to be banded and I have great respect for those who can do it without the band, but for me it was a tool I needed and I believe it is about my powerlessness. Corliss

I just don't enjoy alcohol since my surgery. I go from sober to slurring my words with just a few sips and then 15 min. later I'm cold, stone sober. I can't get to that mellow stage. It takes all the fun out of it. You need to be on FaceBook. :smile: Ahem. :cool2: You mean the troll who ate the chicken? Not worth responding to IMO.

Wow, these are some great numbers. congratulations. I was banded January of this year and am down around 50 pounds depending on what I call my start weight. My restriction as been very difficult to get but I am now on about my 4th or 5th try and have some restriction. My big issue as been drinking alcohol. Not only is that empty calories that add up extremely quick it also leads to reckless abandonment when making food choices. I am committed now and hope to make great progress. I am at 329 and trying. Good luck guys!

Ended up having my first fill today after a couple cancelations. Here's how it went: he had my lie down flat, and felt around until he was sure he had located the port. He then cleaned the area with alcohol, and injected some Lidocaine to numb the area (ouch!) I closed my eyes, put my hands behind my head, and the rest was finished within a couple minutes. I didn't feel the actual fill at all! He had me sit up, take a drink of water to make sure I had no trouble swallowing liquid, and sent me on my way. I have scheduled 2 more fills: one in a weekish, and one a weekish later. Apparently my insurance only pays for fills/unfills for 90 days after surgery! Would have been nice to know that ahead of time- the surgeon told me this today! So, hopefully I can find a sweet spot by the end of September. I wonder how much a fill costs with no coverage- yikes!

Ended up having my first fill today after a couple cancelations. Here's how it went: he had my lie down flat, and felt around until he was sure he had located the port. He then cleaned the area with alcohol, and injected some Lidocaine to numb the area (ouch!) I closed my eyes, put my hands behind my head, and the rest was finished within a couple minutes. I didn't feel the actual fill at all! He had me sit up, take a drink of water to make sure I had no trouble swallowing liquid, and sent me on my way. I have scheduled 2 more fills: one in a weekish, and one a weekish later. Apparently my insurance only pays for fills/unfills for 90 days after surgery! Would have been nice to know that ahead of time- the surgeon told me this today! So, hopefully I can find a sweet spot by the end of September. I wonder how much a fill costs with no coverage- yikes!

Walks in hanging head low in shame. The amount of alcohol I drank tonight should not have fit into my body. I don't know what was more fun - the drinking to excess and not caring since it's a rarity for me, enjoying bar food and the fact that it stayed down or the ridiculous flirting going on between myself and my out of town friend who is 8 years my junior - damn he's hot though! (ok so not really a contest but it made for an amazing night) Plain - forget the roofies - I use propofol on almost a daily basis at work

You know Rod, I always thought the whole "walk a mile in their shoes" phrase, was so that you could understand what made them do certain things. For instance, if you had snapped someones head off the day your son had surgery, if we were in your shoes, we would have known WHY you were in a different mood. To walk a mile in MJ's shoes, no matter what the issue, would not answer some of the questions we all have --- unless one of the stops in those shoes were at a dealers house or something! I mean, what experience or what mood are you in to hang your infant son over a balcony? What pushes you to continue to allow children in your private areas in your home, when it has already caused problems? These are the things I wonder about. The plastic surgery, I honestly feel was a mental thing, I think he like many of us suffered from a body dysmorphia issue, and he probably never truly saw himself as he was becoming. And the drugs---the problem with them, is once you begin, you are often unable to make a straight decision again. Which is why so many are addicted, famous and not famous. My brother had an addiction to alcohol, and it took a forced time out (aka jail time) for him to be forced into sobriety, and to stay that way long enough to realize he had reasons to stay that way. He has a brain injury from years ago, and he just never sobered up long enough prior to be arrested, to figure out that it was a SERIOUS problem! When the drugs are always there and available, and you can even have a Dr. there to get and give them....doesn't seem like a lot of hope going straight. Those issues I can I suppose relate to, feel I HAVE walked in those shoes. But the others.....no desire to walk in them, as I cannot see any way to rationalize them. One thing for sure, the story is not going away any time soon......

Okay...I think I just might win the tempation test!!! My parents had a big anniversary last Friday and I planned an amazing dinner for 30+ family and friends at my favorite restaurant. First came the appetizers...hot cheesy spinach artichoke dip and fried green tomatoes dripping with some kind of white cheese filling...then the main courses, shrimp and grits, pork medallians, braised salmon, and spaghetti....then homemade sweet potato pie with whipped cream...just shoot me...lol. I had a very nice thank you very much bowl of tomato soup. Was is worth it? Absolutely, I found out I can go out with a big group and have a ball with absolutely no alcohol or high fat goodies. Also, today I found out I've lost 17 lbs in two weeks...I am proud of me!!! Tracy

Rubbing alcohol works decent enough. My doctor sent me home with a packet of adhesive remover, try asking to see if they can spare some because this is what works best as it was made for this.

I used rubbing alcohol. It worked for me.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Look for the Smilemarkers A sliver of moon was showing in the sky the other day while I was playing outside with my grandson, David (4yrs). As usual he wanted to know why. I told him the moon wanted to play with him. Later he was drinking chocolate milk on the front porch and said, "The moon is drinking chocolate milk. He has a chocolate milk mustache." I love it when a four year old can use his imagination and make a joke. I love it when a four year old accidentally amuses me. David was riding in the van with his dad when he announced, "I want my crocs (sandals)." His dad stopped the car and asked him what he was wearing on his feet. David replied in all seriousness, "Dad, I'm wearing my toes." Children and laughter go hand in hand. I love being a grandmother and not having to do much of anything when I babysit but enjoy the kids. My two year old granddaughter loves to play hide and seek in her house. She always hides in her closet and she always tells me she's going to hide in her closet. When I try to go home she frequently tells me I'm hungry and I need to eat in order to keep me there. LOL. She already knows my weakness. There's a lot of evidence that laughter is good medicine. The Reader's Digest knew that before there were studies proving it. I use a lot of silly humor when I teach. To teach the ang sound I have a picture-card of a vampire with fangs showing. I'll put on my best Transylvanian accent, make my hands into claws, and say," I vant to bite your neck; I vish to suck your blood." The kids all shriek and laugh and are more likely to remember that ang makes the sound you hear in fang. I have a game that involves tossing a soft ball back and forth between me and a group of kids while saying math facts. I love to watch for the kid who stops paying attention and I'll look at another child while throwing the ball at the daydreamer who frequently gets hit by the ball which cracks everyone up and serves notice to pay attention. Today I was on Lapbandtalk, which has become my on-line support group and one of the women told a hysterically funny dream she'd had about another member of the group. Can't repeat it here because it involved partial nudity and showing off a well-shaped body part. Jokes were still flying hours later when I checked back in. Some of the best and funniest speakers I ever heard were recovering alcoholics telling their stories at open AA meetings. Some of the things they did and the situations they got themselves into were, in retrospect, hysterically funny. Without the humor, they'd have been too painful to tell. The funniest stories I tell on myself involve my ADHD and some of the things I've done as a result. Humor makes pain palatable. I'm not talking about sarcasm or angry ranting expletive deleted humor. Frankly, I don't consider that humor because it tends to be at other's expense. I'm talking about self-deprecating humor. Humor that gently pokes fun at the human condition but doesn't denigrate others. One of the funniest stories my deceased mother-in-law told involved driving off to work with her teeth on top of the car. One of the funniest stories my son tells is what happened when he tied our 6 month old 75 lb. Chesapeake Bay Retriever to a lightweight charcoal grill in my parent's driveway. Thank God for the passing motorist who chased down the dog and stopped him before the grill chasing the dog down the street caused the dog to drop dead of a heart attack. These stories and jokes we tell each other can only happen in community. We weren't created to live in isolation. And I firmly believe that God laughs with us. We're created in his image and he loves us with all our foibles so he must have quite a sense of humor. Humor is his gift to us, a gracelet that allows us to be refreshed, renewed, re-created and ready for the next thing life throws at us. So, even though food addiction is a serious disease, I try not to take myself too seriously. Life is a journey. Look for the smilemarkers along the way.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Look for the Smilemarkers A sliver of moon was showing in the sky the other day while I was playing outside with my grandson, David (4yrs). As usual he wanted to know why. I told him the moon wanted to play with him. Later he was drinking chocolate milk on the front porch and said, "The moon is drinking chocolate milk. He has a chocolate milk mustache." I love it when a four year old can use his imagination and make a joke. I love it when a four year old accidentally amuses me. David was riding in the van with his dad when he announced, "I want my crocs (sandals)." His dad stopped the car and asked him what he was wearing on his feet. David replied in all seriousness, "Dad, I'm wearing my toes." Children and laughter go hand in hand. I love being a grandmother and not having to do much of anything when I babysit but enjoy the kids. My two year old granddaughter loves to play hide and seek in her house. She always hides in her closet and she always tells me she's going to hide in her closet. When I try to go home she frequently tells me I'm hungry and I need to eat in order to keep me there. LOL. She already knows my weakness. There's a lot of evidence that laughter is good medicine. The Reader's Digest knew that before there were studies proving it. I use a lot of silly humor when I teach. To teach the ang sound I have a picture-card of a vampire with fangs showing. I'll put on my best Transylvanian accent, make my hands into claws, and say," I vant to bite your neck; I vish to suck your blood." The kids all shriek and laugh and are more likely to remember that ang makes the sound you hear in fang. I have a game that involves tossing a soft ball back and forth between me and a group of kids while saying math facts. I love to watch for the kid who stops paying attention and I'll look at another child while throwing the ball at the daydreamer who frequently gets hit by the ball which cracks everyone up and serves notice to pay attention. Today I was on Lapbandtalk, which has become my on-line support group and one of the women told a hysterically funny dream she'd had about another member of the group. Can't repeat it here because it involved partial nudity and showing off a well-shaped body part. Jokes were still flying hours later when I checked back in. Some of the best and funniest speakers I ever heard were recovering alcoholics telling their stories at open AA meetings. Some of the things they did and the situations they got themselves into were, in retrospect, hysterically funny. Without the humor, they'd have been too painful to tell. The funniest stories I tell on myself involve my ADHD and some of the things I've done as a result. Humor makes pain palatable. I'm not talking about sarcasm or angry ranting expletive deleted humor. Frankly, I don't consider that humor because it tends to be at other's expense. I'm talking about self-deprecating humor. Humor that gently pokes fun at the human condition but doesn't denigrate others. One of the funniest stories my deceased mother-in-law told involved driving off to work with her teeth on top of the car. One of the funniest stories my son tells is what happened when he tied our 6 month old 75 lb. Chesapeake Bay Retriever to a lightweight charcoal grill in my parent's driveway. Thank God for the passing motorist who chased down the dog and stopped him before the grill chasing the dog down the street caused the dog to drop dead of a heart attack. These stories and jokes we tell each other can only happen in community. We weren't created to live in isolation. And I firmly believe that God laughs with us. We're created in his image and he loves us with all our foibles so he must have quite a sense of humor. Humor is his gift to us, a gracelet that allows us to be refreshed, renewed, re-created and ready for the next thing life throws at us. So, even though food addiction is a serious disease, I try not to take myself too seriously. Life is a journey. Look for the smilemarkers along the way.

Today (day 3 of 5-day pouch diet) B – plain omelet (ick) L – white fish patty (ick) S – 3oz tuna w/ 1tsp light mayo (ick) D – salmon patty (double ick) I’m sick of patties and getting sick of the 5 day pouch diet. I’m hungry too often after eating nothing except liquid and soft foods. I guess that’s the idea to teach you not to eat them. Tomorrow is more solid protein so maybe it will be better. I think I’ve learned my lesson. I promise to stay out of the Sun Chips! I was limiting the portion to a ½ serving but it’s still not something that I should be eating every day. I wasn’t even eating them because I liked them so much as because they were easy to eat, which I know is the WRONG reason to eat something! I have a question for everybody..... All day I ate foods that I really didn’t want because that’s what I had on hand that worked for day 3 of the pouch diet. This caused me to ask myself what I really DID want to eat, but I just didn’t know. That's why I started reading this thread, because I thought maybe I'd see something that sounded good. This afternoon a friend told me she went for sushi which used to be my favorite food above all other foods. I realized today that I no longer care about eating sushi or really anything. This is a big thing for a person who used to go crazy craving sushi and would have happily eaten it every day. I tried to think of what my favorite food is now that it apparently isn't sushi, but I came up blank. I couldn’t think of a single food that I couldn’t live without. Yes, of course I want to eat and food still tastes good, but it just isn’t the same. I don’t get the same pleasure from food that I used to get. I get a little pleasure, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely not at the level it used to be. I suppose it’s because I can only eat tiny amount of it and typically causes me at least a little discomfort. Most of the time it isn’t painful but the band does make me aware that it is there and I dislike the feeling of food slipping past it. I believe my changed attitude towards food is due to the negative reinforcement from the band. It’s not a bad thing at all. In fact for a food addict like me it’s probably the best thing that I could do to break my addiction. It’s exactly like an alcoholic taking Antabuse, which makes them sick if they drink alcohol. I’m not sure now that I’ve come to this realization how I feel about it. Do I miss my old buddy, food? Maybe, but I’m caring less and less about the loss. Has anybody else noticed the same loss of interest in food?

I would suggest that you get something personal that has meaning for you. If you want a 'word' rather than a date, think of what it took to get to where you are: Courage --- to take the step for surgery Love --- Loving yourself enough to take the step for a better and healthier you. Faith --- Faith in yourself. Those are just examples. You could also do sayings like alcoholics have "One day at a time." Well, I tell myself "One pound at a time." May I make a suggestion, don't get any of those Chinese symbols. Unless you know some one who can accurately translate and write the symbols of another language, you never know what you have. I know I will be getting another tatt. But, it will be in my mid-back. Once it's roll-free:wink2:. It'll be a memorial tatt to my grandfather whom I dearly loved! Maybe once I get near my goal weight, I'll look into getting something inspirational and personal to me. Maybe a scale tattooed on my ass to remind me what I worked so hard for ... LOL No I wouldn't go that far. But, I am a Libra, so I ould get the Libra scales and it would have a double meaning to me. Hmmmm ... that's a thought, just not on my ass!

Sunday, July 19, 2009 Relatives--Help or Hindrance My husband threw out all his night-time treats. Just because he loves me. Pretty cool. I let him know I was struggling with the treats he kept in the house and frequently ate in the evenings while we watched TV and played on our computers. In fact, I was just thinking about the ice cream in the freezer and, oops!, remembered Ken threw it out. Thank God. Thank you, Ken. This disease is not fair to him. It's not fair that his choices impact me way beyond what they should. He can eat ice cream and then let it sit untouched for weeks. He had a taste for yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and decided to make them himself, ate a couple, and let the rest sit. For him, no big deal. For me, unbearable temptation. I know they're there. Knowing makes them pop into my mind over and over. I have to reject eating them over and over and over. Taking care of myself by being honest with my husband was important for me to do. It's part of working on being less people-pleasing when its to my detriment. It is entirely to his credit that he chose to get rid of the snacks and not to eat snacks at night in front of me. He wants to be with me. It was his main reason for giving up smoking when he married me. He couldn't smoke around me and he wanted to be with me. He'll probably still keep some treats hidden and eat them when I'm not around. That's fine. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't know its there it won't be on my mind, either. Chances are Ken'll lose some weight, too, which wouldn't be a bad thing. Night-time has always been my most difficult time. Food has always helped me wind down. Some people drink alcohol. I eat food--it puts me into a kind of carbohydrate coma. Those carbs generally come with fat attached. Perfect recipe for slowly but surely putting on the weight. So many factors in eating disorders. It's such a complex disease. Relatives can help or they can hinder. Ideally, we shouldn't need the cooperation of our relatives. We're asking them to be codependent. But we also need to take care of ourselves. There are people who would deliberately sabotage those they profess to love. There are those relatives with the same addiction who have a vested interest in keeping you the same and not letting you change. There are those who don't know addiction at all and urge you to eat--they made it special just for you, it doesn't hurt to have a little once in a while, etc. There are also those who would never humble themselves and give up their right to eat what they want when they want it and might actually insist that buy those things yourself and keep them in the house for them. With these people you need to have heavy-duty boundaries and perhaps actually keep them at a safe distance or even totally out of your life. I'm blessed that my husband is supportive. I'm blessed that he reads my blog because he wants to know me better and understand what I'm going through. He's a little angry at having to change his lifestyle to accommodate my disease and he's entitled to be. But we talk about it. We're no longer ignoring the elephant (my eating disorder not me) in the room. I may get to the point where he can go back to eating snacks in front of me and keeping my favorites in the house, but not right now. Not with the reduced restriction I'm experiencing while waiting for my first fill. Once again, weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. If I don't take care of myself in my relationships, it won't be as helpful.

Sunday, July 19, 2009 Relatives--Help or Hindrance My husband threw out all his night-time treats. Just because he loves me. Pretty cool. I let him know I was struggling with the treats he kept in the house and frequently ate in the evenings while we watched TV and played on our computers. In fact, I was just thinking about the ice cream in the freezer and, oops!, remembered Ken threw it out. Thank God. Thank you, Ken. This disease is not fair to him. It's not fair that his choices impact me way beyond what they should. He can eat ice cream and then let it sit untouched for weeks. He had a taste for yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting and decided to make them himself, ate a couple, and let the rest sit. For him, no big deal. For me, unbearable temptation. I know they're there. Knowing makes them pop into my mind over and over. I have to reject eating them over and over and over. Taking care of myself by being honest with my husband was important for me to do. It's part of working on being less people-pleasing when its to my detriment. It is entirely to his credit that he chose to get rid of the snacks and not to eat snacks at night in front of me. He wants to be with me. It was his main reason for giving up smoking when he married me. He couldn't smoke around me and he wanted to be with me. He'll probably still keep some treats hidden and eat them when I'm not around. That's fine. Out of sight, out of mind. If I don't know its there it won't be on my mind, either. Chances are Ken'll lose some weight, too, which wouldn't be a bad thing. Night-time has always been my most difficult time. Food has always helped me wind down. Some people drink alcohol. I eat food--it puts me into a kind of carbohydrate coma. Those carbs generally come with fat attached. Perfect recipe for slowly but surely putting on the weight. So many factors in eating disorders. It's such a complex disease. Relatives can help or they can hinder. Ideally, we shouldn't need the cooperation of our relatives. We're asking them to be codependent. But we also need to take care of ourselves. There are people who would deliberately sabotage those they profess to love. There are those relatives with the same addiction who have a vested interest in keeping you the same and not letting you change. There are those who don't know addiction at all and urge you to eat--they made it special just for you, it doesn't hurt to have a little once in a while, etc. There are also those who would never humble themselves and give up their right to eat what they want when they want it and might actually insist that buy those things yourself and keep them in the house for them. With these people you need to have heavy-duty boundaries and perhaps actually keep them at a safe distance or even totally out of your life. I'm blessed that my husband is supportive. I'm blessed that he reads my blog because he wants to know me better and understand what I'm going through. He's a little angry at having to change his lifestyle to accommodate my disease and he's entitled to be. But we talk about it. We're no longer ignoring the elephant (my eating disorder not me) in the room. I may get to the point where he can go back to eating snacks in front of me and keeping my favorites in the house, but not right now. Not with the reduced restriction I'm experiencing while waiting for my first fill. Once again, weight loss surgery is a tool, not a solution. If I don't take care of myself in my relationships, it won't be as helpful.

With food like that and the obesity problem rising, why even worry about alcohol and nicotine anymore? You'll die faster from eating at Domino's xD

and to all the newbies. Maggs, I know just how you feel, remember I was like that a couple of weeks back, it has now loosened a little, but not much, I can eat a lot of different things, but only the tiniest of portions, I'm talking 3 mouthfuls at the most here. And also if I eat after 8pm, I have the reflux during the night, which sometimes turns into a vomit (sorry). I think I have my sweet spot right now. I cant hardly drink alcohol either which is a good thing for me, you know how I like a few tipples every night. Well I can only manage a tiny amount of any alcohol. I am now snugly fitting into my jeans that I used to wear before my first band broke, a couple of weeks and they will fit perfectly. It's all worth it. This also proves to me that my first band never worked properly. Oh Flirtybum I hope you're ok, we are all thinking of you, how brave you are. xxx

Its been a while and stress at work more than anything has kept me from the very good routine I had started with visiting the site and posting to my blog, but better late than never... right? Well it will definitely have to be right in my case because my preliminary phases have been stretched out a little. This past Thursday I had my lab work, ultrasound and upper GI. I have to admit I was shocked by the speediness that I was able to get everything done and be out of the hospital. It was a truly effortless day. I am not scheduled to see the docs again until next month but I finally heard from the folks at the sleep study center and I have an appointment on the 26th. I have heard more than once it will not be a good night's sleep and I may have to do it twice. The 2nd appointment is 2 weeks after that first and then I have to see their doctor in early October. Since I was told the appointments for the nutrionist and psychologist does not occur until after those phases, in my mind I do not see myself getting a date (if its all approved..still have to keep my fingers crossed on that) until Thanksgiving or later. That actually might not be a bad idea..in fact, if possible I might even push for mid-December so I can recovery during the Xmas holidays with my family. As my title suggests, I consider the late dates to be a step back, but not like the other 2. First..the smoking thing..I would like to say I kicked it cold turkey but I have not:thumbdown:..still working on it. I have cut back to damn near nothing which is why it makes me angry when I actually smoke. I get the urge more for the "habit" reason than the physical need for nicotine since I actually went a whole day without one. It still makes me feel like crap if I have one, so the insanity of it just pisses me off. :smile2: Like I said work has been a real source of stress and I took time off as a result and ended up totally falling off my wagon of small portions, good food choices and just being more active and I am SURE I have gained back at least 5 of the 8 lbs I lost. I can feel it. I feel horrible. I just lost my damn mind. I binged on all of my favorite things. Chinese food, fast food, wings, and alcohol meeting up with thin girlfriends for drinks. Horrible! And of course..like it goes..more I ate..more I got tired and less active. Yes, I am totally disgusted with myself! :smile2: But today..is a new day..I am back in the right frame of mind. Because I understand it is truly all about how I think and IF I think about what I am doing. I simply have to get my focus back and remember my goal. I am also going to re-visit the discussion with my husband about the surgery because I certainly cannot go to the sleep study without telling him since he may be a little concerned and/or :confused: if he comes home from work and I am not in the bed. I am going to simply advise him that my point of discussion is not to get his permission or for him to agree but to give him the opportunity to go to an appointment with me and/or one of the upcoming information sessions I want to attend. I also want him to understand I would like to have his support, but with 2 supportive daughters than can help me with the physical and emotional issues that may arise, if I don't it will not deter me. It really is that simple. Please keep me in prayer.

Its been a while and stress at work more than anything has kept me from the very good routine I had started with visiting the site and posting to my blog, but better late than never... right? Well it will definitely have to be right in my case because my preliminary phases have been stretched out a little. This past Thursday I had my lab work, ultrasound and upper GI. I have to admit I was shocked by the speediness that I was able to get everything done and be out of the hospital. It was a truly effortless day. I am not scheduled to see the docs again until next month but I finally heard from the folks at the sleep study center and I have an appointment on the 26th. I have heard more than once it will not be a good night's sleep and I may have to do it twice. The 2nd appointment is 2 weeks after that first and then I have to see their doctor in early October. Since I was told the appointments for the nutrionist and psychologist does not occur until after those phases, in my mind I do not see myself getting a date (if its all approved..still have to keep my fingers crossed on that) until Thanksgiving or later. That actually might not be a bad idea..in fact, if possible I might even push for mid-December so I can recovery during the Xmas holidays with my family. As my title suggests, I consider the late dates to be a step back, but not like the other 2. First..the smoking thing..I would like to say I kicked it cold turkey but I have not:thumbdown:..still working on it. I have cut back to damn near nothing which is why it makes me angry when I actually smoke. I get the urge more for the "habit" reason than the physical need for nicotine since I actually went a whole day without one. It still makes me feel like crap if I have one, so the insanity of it just pisses me off. Like I said work has been a real source of stress and I took time off as a result and ended up totally falling off my wagon of small portions, good food choices and just being more active and I am SURE I have gained back at least 5 of the 8 lbs I lost. I can feel it. I feel horrible. I just lost my damn mind. I binged on all of my favorite things. Chinese food, fast food, wings, and alcohol meeting up with thin girlfriends for drinks. Horrible! And of course..like it goes..more I ate..more I got tired and less active. Yes, I am totally disgusted with myself! :thumbup: But today..is a new day..I am back in the right frame of mind. Because I understand it is truly all about how I think and IF I think about what I am doing. I simply have to get my focus back and remember my goal. I am also going to re-visit the discussion with my husband about the surgery because I certainly cannot go to the sleep study without telling him since he may be a little concerned and/or if he comes home from work and I am not in the bed. I am going to simply advise him that my point of discussion is not to get his permission or for him to agree but to give him the opportunity to go to an appointment with me and/or one of the upcoming information sessions I want to attend. I also want him to understand I would like to have his support, but with 2 supportive daughters than can help me with the physical and emotional issues that may arise, if I don't it will not deter me. It really is that simple. Please keep me in prayer.