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Not only do I go to a gym, but I do exclusively water aerobics (I have bad knees), so I'm in a swimsuit! I try really hard not to allow my self-consciousness about my weight keep me from doing things I enjoy or are good for me. But every once in a while something like this happens and I get that slap in the face about how different I look and it makes me want to hide.

One of the things I truly admire about my father is how little he cares for anyone else's opinions. Unfortunately, when it comes to all things weight related, I'm more like my mom...who can be sensitive. I could use to emulate this characteristic in my father on this front...but how to do that, I'm still trying to figure out. I agree that this would be a good topic for therapy! I'm actually actively searching for a therapist now. I've worked with two great therapists who helped me work through some things in the past. One is retiring and the other cannot fit me in her schedule right now. And so I've met with two therapists so far. Both were not good. In fact, both were really bad. The first was a psychologist recommended by the psychologist in my bariatric group (he sees people privately, but does not participate in my insurance). The woman was awful...she may be a brilliant author on the field of food addiction (why I think he recommended her), but she should not have contact with living, breathing subjects. She was condescending, patronizing and judgmental. She made no attempt to get to know me, but instead started telling me how people who have weight loss surgery frequently become alcoholics, gamblers, shopaholics or divorced...I wrote to the guy who recommended her, just so he knew not to send people to her. Honestly, if I didn't have strong self esteem this woman would have done me some serious harm. The second therapist I met seemed better at first, although I was not comfortable with her at home office. I had to walk down a steep driveway, past her knocked over garbage cans, into her backyard, to enter into a basement office. When I left my first appointment with her, I was trying to overlook her rather slovenly ways, trying not to judge and be open minded and so I went back for a second time. On this visit, as I entered the backyard, she popped out of the office and said to me, "I'm sorry. I screwed up. Can you just give me a few minutes." So I sat in her backyard, looking at garbage strewn in her yard, thinking, "what am I doing here?" I was considering leaving, when 15 minutes later she finished with her other client. So I went in. about 1/2 an hour into my session, someone else is coming into the backyard. She commented, "They're early." So out she pops and asks them to wait. When she comes back into the office, there is only a screen door between us and the couple outside. She expected me to continue and I said, "They're right there." So she got up and closed the sliding glass door. I tried to soldier on, but then I could see her looking over my shoulder...the woman outside was pacing behind me! As I left, I heard the woman say to her, "We had a 4:45." as the therapist responded, "I had you down at 5:00." Now, come on...she was off 15 minutes on my appointment...she had messed up theirs too! It was all so unprofessional and uncomfortable. The thing that bothered me most, however, was that she wouldn't have made any attempt to protect my privacy if I hadn't said something. I thought as I left, "This woman is a mess. I'm not this big a mess. I don't need what she has to offer." Thank god, I've had good therapists in the past, or I think I'd be done with therapy after these two! But I'm still looking and I have an appointment to see someone else tonight. Fingers crossed that third time's a charm!

I am a new lap bander after having surgery 23rd May 2014. So far I have lost 24 pounds steadily each week and I have now hit a plateau with no weight lost in 2 weeks. I had my 3rd fill on 23rd September and felt restriction until a day ago. I am now constantly hungry and I am just drinking Water and ignoring the hunger pains which is way easier to do than when I tried pre surgery. I need encouragement and drive that this is normal and it will pass after my next fill. I so do not want to regret having my surgery and want to succeed more than anything. I walk for 1/2 hr 3 times a week and I do watch my portions way better than I did pre-surgery about 80% of the time. I avoid sweets and sugary stuff, but have to admit a glass of cranberry juice a couple of times a week is such a temptation for me. I need advice my fellow lap-banders that everything will be A-OKAY... Thanks

It seems a bit odd that your hunger increased after a recent fill, that doesn't sound right. It is normal for your weight to plateau, or stall, for a few weeks or longer, at times. The body is catching up and readjusting. The only thing I can suggest, besides calling your doctor's office advice, is to ensure you are eating enough Protein at each meal throughout the day. You be satiated for at least four hours between meals. If you need to, eat four smaller meals, spaced out at 4 hour intervals. Foods like sliced, lean turkey breast, Water packed tuna, fat free yogurt, etc. are good sources of protein. Protein takes longer to digest (and burns more calories in the process) and protein also increases the period of time before you start feeling hunger pangs. Make sure the hunger is real; and not just an urge to eat before you are really hungry.... I'd guess what I am trying to say is that early hunger pangs might be a symptom regarding a lack of proper nourishment. But your surgeon or his staff would be the best to advise you on that.

@@patricia How much did you lose before surgery, and how quickly is it coming off now? In my 2 week prep I've only lost 10#. They put me on liquids for 2 meals and 1 regular meal a day. I was fine until the lap band was emptied. Now I'm hungry all the time. Luckily I haven't gained any back, but it would be sooo easy to! @@skuper My surgery date was changed to the third, so I'm only one day ahead of you. I'm happy to hear your age, we're not alone in our quest to be healthy and happy at our age! I don't know about you, but my doctor hasn't blinked an eye about my request for the sleeve, and hasn't referred to age being a problem for this surgery, nor did my PCP. They seem to be be of the opinion we should just go for it!. I am getting nervous though, but excited too. Never thought I'd be excited about shopping at Goodwill for "new" clothes, but I'm starting to think this really is going to happen! Dreading the actual surgery and hoping the hospital stay will go by quickly! Let me know how you do on Friday. Good luck on an uneventful, successful surgery with only good things coming at you afterwards!

So I had gastric bypass surgery on 1/23/17, highest weight was 330, surgery weight was 274, and currently at 224. I've lost 50 lbs and 15 inches. I feel great, have tons of energy, and love going to the gym or outdoors with my 3 kids, but my boyfriend, who is over weight as well (around 315lbs.) Just can't seem to keep up with me anymore. He has lost around 30 lbs on his own since last Christmas, which is fantastic, but lately he has been skidding back into old bad habits. He always has an excuse not to go to the gym, he sneaks sweets late at night, won't go out with us, and just generally sits on his butt all day watching YouTube videos...when not at work. We started this weight loss journey together! He didn't want surgery, but me having osteoarthritis at only 34 years old, I needed it. He is approaching 40 this year and even though he doesn't have serious health problems now, I'm afraid that if he doesn't start to change and get active, he will soon. What attracted us to each other was out sense of adventure and loving the outdoors...now Im lucky if I get him to go on the back porch. I'm so frustrated! Any suggestions on what may be the problem or how to get him motivated once again?

Even many years back our function has always been food!! On our Anniversary what did we do...went out to eat Chinese Food. When our kids were growing up he missed out on so much because he had to work He was a long haul truck driver so he maybe got home Friday night worked onm his truck Saturday and then left on Sunday to get his load to where it belonged. So that was just how it was. Like I said food food and more food. I havebeen asking him to renew our vows (been married for 43 years) He always said NO!! I thought it was because he didn't want to marry me again. I just found out that it was his weight that was holding him back!! He had Sleeve surgery last June and it took him awhile to figure out his fullness. Now thank goodness we are going to renew our vows. He is ready to do some exercise. He has lost over 100#'s. We are going to join a Health Club in May!!! YAY US!! It has taken him a long time to realize that the food doesn't hold him back like before. But he was raised by his Mom alone due to his DAD driving truck long haul. His mom wasn't the feely touchy person at all. She used food to show her love. Now he doesd the same thing to our grandchildren and our dg. He loves them thru food!! He is the huggy type but still needs the food to show them he loves rhem. He trys to do it for me but luckily I am commited to my journey. I am sorry that you are having a hard time. But...just keep doing you!! He might surprise you and come back around. Change is HARD!!!

The first 2 weeks I lost 22 lbs. Then at my 6 week visit I had lost 53lbs. Then all i remember is my 1 year visit with a total of 150lbs. I'm now entering my 3rd year and still have tons of restriction with my sleeve. Only thing is that my body has settled in very comfortably at getting about 850 - 1000 calories a day. So my weight is maintaining at 200 - 205 lbs, which is fine with me!

You guys are all awesome. Thank you for the encouragement. I know that I want to get rid of a whole bunch more weight and its so cool to know that this kind of support is available. My family and friends are great and all but they just don't "get it". I can touch my toes again, you know? Its laughable to so many people and such a topic of gossip at work. But I don't care because I know that I am not going thru this alone. I'm proud of you guys and to anyone trying to make the decision to get sleeved just remember that even when it gets hard SOMEONE is out here who understands.

No one says you have to be comfortable in your fat suit, it's not easy and I don't know many who could. It's worth a try for me though. I also think it has a lot to do with my age. I think that after so many years of self loathing because of one aspect of my physical being, (my size is XX large) I have let it control my life. Every day I woke up thinking that I would start a new diet and almost every day I screwed it up and felt like sh*&&^t afterwards and it was a big waste of time. Lap banding did not do it for me either as I still had to diet. I am getting a bit closer to 50 and so things do change with your body so I don't expect it to react the way it did when I was 20. My body type may not be that of a thin person, it keeps telling me that by jumping back up every time I try to diet. If I had a magic wand I would make my body slim and tight and more bottom and a slimmer waist but I don't see that happening and I have to live my life as it is now and not wait until I've lost weight. My depression was there no matter what weight I was, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain but you can make it worse by thinking you're not worthy of anything and feeding your self bad thoughts constantly, it can't help. My aim is now to be healthy but it doesn't mean I'm going to shrink down to a size "perfect". Exercise is a good thing and it makes me feel good, endorphins and all and helps with diabetes. It also helps me feel stronger and probably helps with self esteem too. It's a complicated issue and not one that fits well with everyone. We all want to have self esteem but I guess it's in our head already we just have to let it be! brandyII.:confused_smile:

I have been overweight all my life but for me my lack of self esteem has come from the reasons I became overweight in the first place. I am a very confident person, despite my weight but my lack of self esteem was always about how I related to the opposite sex or job situations. I never felt good enough and sometimes I didn't even put myself out there. Many boys and men found me attractive but I couldn't handle that in my teens and my 20s. In my 30s I went in a different direction, going a little crazy on the casual sex scene. By the time I got to my mid 40s I'd had a number of men including some long term relationships but never a fully committed one. I always felt that I was too scared to be too attractive to men. I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to do the casual stuff but not prepared to go into a committed relationship either. Even at 53 I'm a little scared to be slim. I have a big ego which is strange given how I feel, so there is some confusion as to who I am and where I'm going. If that equates to me sometimes going off the rails for awhile then I am fine with that. Yes I have the odd whinge that I'm not losing fast enough or my restriction isn't there yet but at the same time, I don't think I'm ready to lose it that fast. We all know our bodies and our minds and for some of us we need to lose slowly so we can get used to the new us a little at a time, especially those of us who have grown up with a weight problem. Good on you Jacqui on your weight loss and amazing body and I would like to get there some day soon but you remind me of my 2 sisters who suffered the same losses etc that I did and can't understand why I can't get on with it. Of course I had some extra issues, like being molested as a child, to deal with. It's important to remember that we are all different personalities with different drives and we're not all motivated by the same things. Yes we all have one goal and that is to lose weight but we are not all travelling the same path to get there. Some people just get on with it and some stumble along the way. Neither person is right or wrong, just different. Please continue to give your advice because I appreciate it when I read it and for those who are not ready to take it in, the fact that it has been put out there might get them thinking further down the track.

I think it depends on the person. Some people are happy in their skin as they are, some people are unhappy being fat, and of course some of those people are in denial as well. Then those are the thin people who think they are fat. For me it is all mental. I've been one of those thin people who thought they were fat (I was a teenager at the time). I don't know where "size" became such an importance in my life. I was hugged and loved as a child, never abused and no one ever told me I was fat. I just felt like I was. So weight has always been an issue for me. Why? I don't know. I know that I felt better being a normal weight. My body was healthier, it was easier to get around. My knees and back didn't hurt all the time. I wasn't winded carrying the groceries from the house to the car. People treated me different too. That has a huge impact on self esteem. I didn't realise the difference until I gained 120 pounds. As I'm losing weight now, I carry myself differently. I hold my head a little higher. I'm starting to feel better about me and that I believe effects how others treat you. I'm still fat, but my self esteem has grown leaps and bounds.

Brandy, i am going to bypass all the back and forth and address your original question. I believe it is possible to be overweight and have healthy self esteem- I would characterize it for myself as self love. Whithin that love I can still be aware and addressing my character defects. They will always be there whether I am fat or thin. I will always be able to act from the best of myself or the worst. I have lived my life as both a fat person and a thin person. When I was young and fat, I hated myself for what I saw as my hugeness. When I was thin, I indulged in a smug arrogance that I was somehow superior to my former self because I had conquered my weight problem- really I replaced that weight problem with an exercise problem. In reality, I worried constantly that I would lose it all (ie be fat again and therefore without value) I was unable to enjoy my hard work. In fact, my hard work became a prison. Instead of being a food addict, I was an exercise bulimic. I was not so different at all, only the package was different. When I was young and fat, I was filled with self hate. When I was young and thin, I was filled with self hate that I directed at others. i was so afraid I would lose control. I hated anything that reminded me of my former self. Eventually, I did lose control- as we all do when we are acting from outside ourselves. ANd it was the best thing that ever happened. I was still the same person, different package. I had to learn a different way of being. Now here I am, years later- still fat but healthy and happy, with a husband who loves me(I never would have allowed him in my life until I learned to love myself first. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate his positive and unconditional regard.) i have a life that is full, rich and overflowing with more abundance than i could ever have thought I deserved as my younger self. And I have all of it fat. I think you are very couragious to put these questions out there. It isn't easy to be on a quest- which I think you are. (Know that sounds corny). To conclude my long winded post. I think that fat people's choices and mistakes are written on our bodies in a way that other peoples are not. But I believe that our mistakes are no greater than any one elses. If they are worth something, so are we all. We are all the products of our choices. We tend to focus on the bad, but we are all a mixed bag. Look at your good stuff. Work on those and the bad will diminish in comparison. What grows in us is what we feed- no pun intended.

My self-esteem issues come mostly from being overweight. I've struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. A few years ago when I lost down to 190lbs (the lowest I've been since my early 20's) my whole attitude changed. In all honesty, while fixing the appearance issues will be great, the Lap Band is more a choice for health reasons then looks. As I've aged my body has become very tired of carrying all this weight around, I've developed High BP, sleep Apnea and depression...all weight related. I can't exercise much because of my size and I'm pretty lazy most of the time because it hurts to do too much...not good for a 34 year old woman. While I'm still able to be happy (even at my current size) I can't be completely comfortable, and I suffer from silly insecurities that put pressure on my relationships with other people. I'm not comfortable in my "fat suit" and it shows.

I don't think it's frowned upon, but I do think the answer would vary greatly from person to person. So many factors to consider, like relationship things and such. Of course self esteem has a lot to do with satisfaction. While I look forward to losing weight I worry about the excess skin that comes with that. Not that my husband will care, nothing turns him off like ever. But I think about it. Go on Youtube and you can watch lots of video blogs about weight loss (from surgery and otherwise) There are a couple (Clusie L is one of them) who discuss sex, relationships, etc after weight loss. Again, this is a complex issue. I am pre-surgery anyway, hopefully others will chime in???? Dub always has great answers Clusie... I love her! Oh and sex has gotten lots better. Not as much tummy in the way. Easier to switch positions and my legs don't hurt or get tired when I'm doing all the work. But YES I love clusie.

I am on day 5 of a clear liquid diet. I have lost 7 lbs! I hope we are both fast losers.... although I will be happy just to lose this weight steady over time. My surgery is Oct 17th.. 3 days to go! Good luck..

Hi Everyone, I had my orientation last Thursday. We then received our next appointment which mine is with the Psych for February 26th. They said this process will go as fast as we want it to, however I feel sooo discouraged sometimes with the length in between the appointments. I started the pre op diet (not liquid) the very day after orientation so that I can show progress. I’m on Day 5, and haven’t gone off of the diet. It’s been rough! But what makes it even more difficult is the fact that I haven’t even met my surgeon yet or have a weight loss goal. Everyone keeps saying he will take in my beginning weight into consideration when creating a goal weight. I’m hoping that I can be enough on track for him to say “let’s get you scheduled with the case manager”. I went to my first support group so I have that crossed off my list. I just REALLY want this and can’t wait for the surgery to get here. However the not knowing anything makes me feel like I am walking in the dark:(. I hope I’m not starting this pre op diet too early. Any advice?

im 15 post op and stalled..i even gained a lb. I just started mushies so what do i do? My doc says dont focus on protein balance just yet but i guess i should if im not losing? what do you think?

Last week, I made a post about my frustration with my weight loss (or lack thereof) and today I am still in the same boat. I only lost .4 pounds this week which is frustrating BUT I took my measurements today and I have lost 4 inches overall in the last 2 weeks. I attribute this to the hot yoga classes that I have been doing. It's a lot less frustrating seeing minimal weight loss on the scale when I know that I am losing fat but gaining muscle. To see my measurements and more information about my journey, visit my blog http://adventuresinlapbandland.blogspot.com/

Yes my spouse was concerned but he did not have a negative attitude towards it. Just do your part in following what you have to do for yourself to lose your weight. Brush off his negativity or directly tell him that his negativity is not helping you. You had the surgery. So his attitude will not change a thing but upset you. Hope once he sees your progress..he will make turn. Some husbands are fearful knowing the fact that their wives will be more attractive. It would good for u to find out what his motive is. Just so that u cam understand what he is going thru as well.

I'm going through the SAME thing as you. I do have a different insurance company though. My current BMI is at the lower end of the BMI range that qualifies for coverage. I was worried about having to do the 6 month supervised weight loss because I wasn't sure if the insurance company would pay if I fell out of that BMI range. My dietician told me that if I get close she will help me maintain the weight so I can get coverage. With all the appointments & test this whole process sort of feels like a part time job. ???? I know what you mean, I try to think of it as I spent most my life over weight I can wait another 6 months but it's hard to not have a little negativity, especially knowing the tricks insurance company's like to play!

Good evening, I am having a horrible time losing the required pre-op weight. I have changed my diet/eating habits tremendously.. I just feel at a loss! The nurse practitioner suggested the liver reducing diet... Open to suggestions!

Just so he doesn't entrust that $5 to the greedy, private, Wall Street CEO's where he will have to pay capital gains and dividend taxes on it before it loses its value altogether due to their reckless behavior and then reward themselves with bonuses. LOL Merry Christmas & Happy New Year and may Pres. Obama continue to succeed in the new year.

I just realized how much peoples opnions have affected me thus far.... For bad and good. I am so aggravated about judgemental people in my life. So, today was my second day back at work. I'm only coming part time because my surgery was November 29, 2010 an it hasn't been 2 weeks yet! Well I'm back and I'm talking to the woman who took my place while I have been out and she said "Everyone has asked where you are!" (God I hope no one told my clients what surgery I had...) Anyways this afternoon one of my customers (a loud, obnoxious woman who is also obese) came in to the store and after saying how nice it is to see me and asking what surgery I had done says "I made your husband mad while you were gone." (my husband and I work for the same company) I asked why and she said " I can never remember your name so when I came in the other day I asked where the big lady was. I spoke to your husband and he told me he didn't appreciate me refferring to you like that and that he was your husband." Then she says, "I told him I was sorry and not to take anything personal because I'm big too!" and laughed. Well he hasn't told me anything about that. He never mentions any negitive things he hears about me if he doesn't agree with it. That is actually one of the reasons I married him! When we first started dating I brought my husband over to my uncles house. It was his first time meeting anyone aside from my mom and little brother. He was so nervous and I really wanted things to go well. Well while we are there my uncle asks my new boyfriend for some help throwing away some old glass peices he was using on an art project he'd been working on. So bf says yes and while they did that I walked around my uncles art studio. When they came in my new boyfriend (of only a few days btw) sat down and wouldn't look at my uncle while he talked. I asked what was wrong and my uncle says," Maddy I'm going to tell you what I told your new boyfriend. You need to lose weight! I told him that if he loves you he will not take you eat out anymore and he will start to excercise with you!" I was so pissed and embaressed at that point I couldn't say anything. Then uncle dearest says, " Yeah, he told me that he doesn't care about your weight . He thinks you are gorgeous and he can't believe how lucky he is that you are interested in him. But I care about your weight and if he loves you he won't hurt you by letting you destroy yourself." Well after that we quickly left and I was silent during the whole car ride. I was extremely embarresed about myself, my family, the retarted situation we just got out of and just stared at my lap. When I finally looked up and out at my window I realized that we were pulling into a Chillis parking lot and he was taking me eat. I asked him why he wanted to go there and he said, " I really don't like your uncle. I think you are perfect and I think after the meeting we just went through we deserve to pig out!" Gosh, I love that man!! Anyways I don't know if this is really a complaint or me just story telling but I guess what I want to say is People really shouldn't judge others they should worry about themselves! Also, I apologize if anything is mispelled. I am typing from my iPhone and these things love to correct any word and put what they think should go there. Thanks for reading.

Is your time of the month due? Weight can fluctuate 3-10lbs during that time!