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Janet, actually the story of Michael's first few years reads like a story of RAD kid. No abuse, but lots of neglect. Michael's dad was/is an alcoholic ass. When we had Michael, I was back to work within 2 weeks because I was out of unemployment benefits. He didn't work and his two older daughters were living with us. it was up to me to cover expenses. I was working an average of 120 hours a week. Scott didn't believe it was his place to "babysit" so Michael had to be in daycare. Except we couldn't afford that but the neighbor woman was home on disability so she watched him. Problem, she was deaf. When I was home I was either sleeping or trying to cope smoking pot. I was hanging by a thread, honestly. At 6 months, my parents came out to Missouri, said "Get your toothbrush, your formula, and get in the car." I did. I can't say much about the next 3 months. I ate, I slept, I roamed around the house, I know I tried to be a mom but I was clueless. After 3 months I sort of snapped out of it. I got a job, went back to school. This was at the time that they started putting time limits on welfare. I had 18 months, period. I went to school, worked when I could, and got my degree. There really wasn't a lot of time for my son. I did what I could. I did the BEST I could. I'm over the guilt, for today. But...what I'm reading about RAD. He's all over that! He has all of the symptoms. I started with just attachment theory. There are 4 types. He was a type 3 baby. Ambivalent/resistant. Yesterday I felt like I had broken my kid. Today, I still feel that way but now, it's a matter of how to make lemonade out of these lemons. It's not hopeless. I have to continue to be strong. Some days I don't have that strength. Today I do. There isn't a book in town on RAD, but my niece, who is in college, gave me her user name and password to invade her college library and read some online books. There are a few I can order. I'm going to wait until after next week when I go to YBGR. Hoping they can give me some resources to look at. Hope that helps. Thanks for the love Janet. I love you so much!

I'm so with you. I was about 15 lbs away from my goal, and had been there for about a year, when I started self medicating with food and alcohol. I have now stopped drinking, am taking anti-depressants, but continue to gain weight. My 149 with 15 to go is now 165. This weight loss is causing me to become even more depressed, besides still working on the reasons I was depressed to begin with. I would suggest if you think you are depressed go to your internist and ask for suggestions. I, myself, am working on getting my a$$ back on a regular exercise schedule. I think this is key, not only is it good for you physically, but exercise tends to have positive psychological effects. Perhaps this is an option for you as well. I also think I need to post on here more and look for more support than always trying to do things alone. Good luck to you and I hope you work thru this tough time :thumbup:

Hi all you beautiful People!! And thanks for the concern..Whats goin on, on the 14th? Hey Candra.. its Hula/tahitian night!!! come over if you wanna try it out or just watch!! I had a very EMOTIONAL weekend:crying:.. too much drama.. (MY soon to be ex-husband wants to reconcile) AND my best friends son possibly might have the swine flu:frown:.. he's been sick with a 101 fever since Saturday and it hasn't let down. They brought him into the hospital yesterday but was told, that unless they have to admit him, thats when they'll test him for the H1N1 BUT as of now.. they sent him back home and told her that he is a possible 50/50 H1N1.. I don't understand the protocol or process of how they're doing this but.. alot of people are going into hospital because of the swine flu scare but most of the cases are just the regular flu.. Its a scary time right now.. jus pray its just the regular flu. Anyways.. I didn't have ANY alcohol this weekend and I finally realized or umm.. YEAH.. no more alcohol (wine, tequilla shots) for me .. for AWHILE :scared2: BUT its ok because I found out that, that was the reason WHY i've been see-sawing on this whole weight issue.. " duh! HELLO ANALYNN!!" I'm still working my ba dunk a dunk dunk off and I think i'm starting to reap the full benifits of my workout now that i'm jus stickin to protein and no alcohol.... I really JUST HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED.. ok enough of my brain fart on here.. so what's going on, on the 14th again? and whats this about 2 fly guys.. what is that? sounds like fun to me! LOL j/k:wink:

Hello, I recently was viewing your weight loss photos and now I find your photo on here. I am a friend of Bill's for 25 years on October 13 this month. No alcohol for that long, I stay away from the first drink. With food I have not been very successful in the past. I am hoping to be approved for the sleeve sometime this week. I have went to OA an Topps in the past, but my weight has went up and down like a yo-yo. I decided that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I am ready for a change. I have changed my eating habits quite a bit but I am still having a difficult time. I have started exercising at the Y and going to a swim fun and fitness class. It is becoming very addictive. I think that with food it is so difficult because it is not like cigerettes, alcohol, ect. Those things you can live without, but you can't live without food. But I am changing the way I think about it now. I constantly think about how healthy, how many calories, fat, carbs Protein ect. now that I have decided to have bariatric surgery. I haven't had a cigerette for almost 10 years or so. I know that this journey that I am traveling now is headed in the right direction and I plan on staying on the path to a better healthier long life. Have a Good day.

Yes, I live in a neighborhood, but all my neighbors are in different places. One is a retired couple that don't even say hi when we are both outside, the other just moved in with little kids, across the street is a parent of an ex student, not a good idea. Remember our houses are at least an acre apart. The back neighbor is also a parent of an ex student. They both parents have issues either with alcohol or sleeping around. Again not something I want to get into. Made red beans and rice for dinner, new recipe, okay, Made it with turkey sausage.

Everything gives me gas. It's a big problem. I think splenda gives me gas too. I know anything with sugar alcohol gives me gas worse than I ever thought was possible. Milk products definitely give me gas too. Like I said, it's a big embarrassing problem!

I was allowed to drink while on post op liquid phase. I asked in my 1 week post op and they said you can drink now. Again i didn't want to overdo it just had a glass of wine being that I haven't had food in 4 weeks! They also tell us that we can drink some alcohol before dinner to help relax things.

Hi all!!! Ok everyone....I got Banded on October 19th (yea me). Im doing pretty good so far! But I am soooo worried about the holidays! Now I know I can eat some things by then but how do I control myself around all that yummy foods??? is ok to eat some things but of course in moderation?? What foods should I run from?? what about alcohol? How soon should I try a simple glass of wine??? Please help?? I wanna be able to enjoy the holidays but its not worth my size 10 I wanna be! lol

My surgeon says no alcohol the first year and after that in moderation. You don't want to take in all your calories through liquid.

WHOA! That questionaire was crazy!! Thank goodness I'm not an alcoholic becuase I swear that's all that thing asked about! 4 weeks until we send in for approval again. I'm so excited! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! And there's a skinny me standing there....

Band erosion happens when the band erodes into the stomach. Things that can cause it include....repeated vomiting, use of NSAIDS (ibuprofen, etc.), maybe alcohol, maybe smoking. Sometimes, there are no symptoms. Sometimes, the symptoms are infection-like around the port. Once it's been confirmed (endoscopy), I believe the only solution is to remove the band.

I'm bored. Need to so homework but don't want to. Can't get my head going. I need an adventure. an adrenaline rush. Karri go hers getting drunk last night. I'm too old for that, the heal-up time can take days. It is sad when your excitement for the month is going grocery shopping knowing that you have enough money to buy what you need. Very sad. Candice how are you today? Hard sleeping I imagine. Jackie are you feeling better? I can't afford to get H1N1, just remember to use your inhaler and drink and sleep. Water, not alcohol. Linda where are you? Steph, enjoy your day alone. Find something to putter with so your brain can do the hard work it needs to. Question, I can't remember what you said about Michael's father? Is he available to be in the picture and help with the healing process Michael needs? I know you miss your dad, I can't even imagine what it will be like when my dad is gone. Other than to know that my mother has made it clear that I will have to handle everything. Why...because 'she can't, brother will fall apart, and sister is too busy'. Then there will be the whole thing about her trying to move in with me. If that happens you might as well make me a reservation in an asylum, because that's what I will need. But Steph, this summer going through your father's treasures was an honor as well as down right fun. Remember the fun times.

My brother had Rny about 12 years ago. They saw problems with his liver and did the Rny anyway. Be thankful they didn't continue. It killed him. A bad liver with Rny has proven to be pretty deadly. Oh, and just for clarification, for the not so informed, liver disease happens to people for many reasons not associated with drugs or alcohol. In fact, many obese people who have been on long term starvation diets and yo yoed to many times have liver problems.

That seems a little soon to me. You Dr. may say something different, but I know for me personally there was no way I could have drank a week out from surgery. I still felt sore and weak. Also something to consider, you will only be on the liquids stage which means you'll basically have nothing in your stomach and alcohol would effect you a lot more than normal. I would use extreme caution.

All or nothing attitude? Look, I'm completely sorry if you think I came across as rude or insensitive. And this will not be the first time someone has accused someone else of being rude because they don't like the things the read. So I apologize if I hurt your feelings. But perhaps you need to hear something like that for you to get on the right path. Before my surgery I was told (by my surgeon) that some people, for whatever reason, don't lose weight after getting the band. I asked "because they aren't eating correctly or exercising?" And she said "no. Just because. We dont know why they can't lose weight." Whoa. Obviously I went through with the surgery. I'm four months out. I was told very clearly...no alcohol for six months. Have you ever bothered to look at the nutritional value of wine? Look, all I'm saying is...now more than ever in your whole entire life, it is imperative that you eat healthy. I'm not saying "don't have a small piece of birthday cake when your (enter friend/relative here) has a party". What I'm saying is...not even two months out and you're "cheating?" You still need to train yourself. That's all I'm saying. I haven't had it easy either. But I was given a pretty good guideline/diet book before my surgery. And I've prety much stuck with it. I spent 33 years eating whatever the hell I wanted, and you're right...I didn't get this very expensive surgery to mess it all up. So I really do apologize if you think I'm rude. I'm really sorry. But join a support group. talk to your surgeon, or better yet, your nutritionist. Go over your food diary (are you keeping one of those?) And hopefully they can help steer you in the right direction. I'm just guessing (and I'm no professional) that if you aren't losing weight, the nutritionist isn't going to OK the sweets and wine. That's all I'm saying! Saline in your band isn't going to fix what's going in your mouth.

I like 'ritas too, just keep track of the calories. 4 oz. strawberry mix = 140 calories and 33g sugar, 1 oz tequila = 70 calories. So a strawberry margarita the same size as a beer will have around 600 calories and 100 grams of sugar. I realize that's a big 'rita, but if you think about it as having just 2 average sized ones, that's a lot of sugar and calories. :closedeyes: There are some sugar free mixes out there that have zero calories (not counting the alcohol), might be worth checking out.

(CONTINUED...) 2008 I entered the local weight loss competition. I ordered Nutrisystem, worked out up to 2 hrs a day, and gave up soda and alcohol. After three months, I lost 50 lbs and won the competition. On top of winning tons of prizes, I lost 12 inches just around my waist! In 3 months, I went from a size 24 to 14/16. 250 to 200 lbs. Posters were made, the company sent out community flyers with photos of my before and after. And after all of this, after over 90 days of complete clean eating and exercise-mania.. I was STILL starving. Why was I STILL craving food? It wasn't like I didn't like to exercise. It also wasn't like I didn't like healthy food. I just wanted tons. I didn't just want one bowl of salad or veggies, I want three bowls. I was able to be thinner for about 2 months before everyone around me started noticing that I was getting fat again. Now, not only was I getting back to fat, EVERYONE in my community knew it. They had all seen the sucess flyer of thin me just recently. By the end of 2008, I was back to 250 lbs but in complete denial about it. Beginning of 2009 I gave up. I decided I was sick of it all and wasn't going to be miserable with food. By Spring I was 270 lbs. I had stopped working out completely because my knees and back hurt so bad. I looked at my daughter and thought I had to do something. I decided to go vegetarian because I had wanted to for a while and wasn't ever into meat anyway. I subscribed to eating clean. I told myself that despite always being hungry, I was only gonna eat healthy stuff. Mini diets followed since but I never really lost much this year because I didn't work out. My body is physically tapped by the end of the day just chasing after and taking care of my toddler. Last month I realized my neighbors (who all know each other) were talking about me- the hermit, who stays inside all day & night with her kid, eating. I weigh more than all of the men on the street now. My poor husband. I feel bad that I must embarass him. I went to my endocrinologist who told me the only long lasting weight loss solution was bariatric surgery. He thought I'd be a good candidate and that but for that- there's no way to "turn off" that hunger switch that always seems to be on in my head. An acquaintance also told me that she was getting Gastric Bypass. I realized I was jealous a bit. I wanted to change my life. I don't want to miss out on "life" and I don't want my daughter and husband to either. I went to a cardiologist and my digestive drs to see if I would even be a candidate and both agreed. It's time for an intervention. I'm borderline diabetes and my quality of life is definitely suffering. I called in mid September to two local drs to see about getting a consult and both require attending their seminars. This unfortunately caused me to have to wait three weeks for the next dates to come up. My insurance does not cover WLS so I will be a self pay. I had this convoluded idea (dream) that this would all happen super quick and I would be on my way to a new life. For the past three weeks all I can think about is getting surgery. I've researched, gotten mentally prepared, and studied aftercare information. Sites like this one has furthered my excitement and eagerness. I don't want to waste another day! So that is my story so far. I'm hoping I will be able to have surgery before the end of this year. The lap band seems to be the route for me as my drs have said GB is out of the question (due to my vitamin deficiencies already) and I plan to have at least one more child. I feel sort of bad like I bashed on my Mom on here. It's not that she's not fantastic and wasn't VERY involved in all of my activities.. she was at everything! It just seems like even today, all she wants to do is stay home and eat (which is consequently what I want to do too.) I notice even today how her awful eating habits have influenced me. It's NOT her fault but I see where I went wrong early. Had I had a different exposure to food early on it may have made a difference.. or perhaps not. Either way I wouldn't trade my life or my mother for anything! I just don't want my daughter to learn bad habits and behaviors like this from me. I want to change the pattern for our family and be a role model of healthy living. Thanks for reading all of this (or skimming ) I appreciate the support and advice here! everleigh Highest weight ever / Current / Goal 280 / 270 / 150 5'5 10/04/2009

(CONTINUED...) 2008 I entered the local weight loss competition. I ordered Nutrisystem, worked out up to 2 hrs a day, and gave up soda and alcohol. After three months, I lost 50 lbs and won the competition. On top of winning tons of prizes, I lost 12 inches just around my waist! In 3 months, I went from a size 24 to 14/16. 250 to 200 lbs. Posters were made, the company sent out community flyers with photos of my before and after. And after all of this, after over 90 days of complete clean eating and exercise-mania.. I was STILL starving. Why was I STILL craving food? It wasn't like I didn't like to exercise. It also wasn't like I didn't like healthy food. I just wanted tons. I didn't just want one bowl of salad or veggies, I want three bowls. I was able to be thinner for about 2 months before everyone around me started noticing that I was getting fat again. Now, not only was I getting back to fat, EVERYONE in my community knew it. They had all seen the sucess flyer of thin me just recently. By the end of 2008, I was back to 250 lbs but in complete denial about it. Beginning of 2009 I gave up. I decided I was sick of it all and wasn't going to be miserable with food. By Spring I was 270 lbs. I had stopped working out completely because my knees and back hurt so bad. I looked at my daughter and thought I had to do something. I decided to go vegetarian because I had wanted to for a while and wasn't ever into meat anyway. I subscribed to eating clean. I told myself that despite always being hungry, I was only gonna eat healthy stuff. Mini diets followed since but I never really lost much this year because I didn't work out. My body is physically tapped by the end of the day just chasing after and taking care of my toddler. Last month I realized my neighbors (who all know each other) were talking about me- the hermit, who stays inside all day & night with her kid, eating. I weigh more than all of the men on the street now. My poor husband. I feel bad that I must embarass him. I went to my endocrinologist who told me the only long lasting weight loss solution was bariatric surgery. He thought I'd be a good candidate and that but for that- there's no way to "turn off" that hunger switch that always seems to be on in my head. An acquaintance also told me that she was getting Gastric Bypass. I realized I was jealous a bit. I wanted to change my life. I don't want to miss out on "life" and I don't want my daughter and husband to either. I went to a cardiologist and my digestive drs to see if I would even be a candidate and both agreed. It's time for an intervention. I'm borderline diabetes and my quality of life is definitely suffering. I called in mid September to two local drs to see about getting a consult and both require attending their seminars. This unfortunately caused me to have to wait three weeks for the next dates to come up. My insurance does not cover WLS so I will be a self pay. I had this convoluded idea (dream) that this would all happen super quick and I would be on my way to a new life. For the past three weeks all I can think about is getting surgery. I've researched, gotten mentally prepared, and studied aftercare information. Sites like this one has furthered my excitement and eagerness. I don't want to waste another day! So that is my story so far. I'm hoping I will be able to have surgery before the end of this year. The lap band seems to be the route for me as my drs have said GB is out of the question (due to my vitamin deficiencies already) and I plan to have at least one more child. I feel sort of bad like I bashed on my Mom on here. It's not that she's not fantastic and wasn't VERY involved in all of my activities.. she was at everything! It just seems like even today, all she wants to do is stay home and eat (which is consequently what I want to do too.) I notice even today how her awful eating habits have influenced me. It's NOT her fault but I see where I went wrong early. Had I had a different exposure to food early on it may have made a difference.. or perhaps not. Either way I wouldn't trade my life or my mother for anything! I just don't want my daughter to learn bad habits and behaviors like this from me. I want to change the pattern for our family and be a role model of healthy living. Thanks for reading all of this (or skimming ) I appreciate the support and advice here! everleigh Highest weight ever / Current / Goal 280 / 270 / 150 5'5 10/04/2009

Well I have been banded for almost 3 months. My doctor told me that I could drink but no beer or carbonated beverages, which is like smirnoff, red bull with alcohol, etc. I have been to the bar once and I drank a Margarita and that was it and then I went to eat about a month ago and decided to try a Margarita. It went down ok and I didn't feel any different than normal. Me being a selfpay patient I am not willing to risk messing up my band or strectching my pouch so I refuse to drink carbonated beverages even though I would so love to have them. I think it is ok to drink but you have to be careful b/c of the calorie intake. I had my daughter 2 months before I turned 21 so I have not been much of a partier. I mean I go out 4 or 5 times a year to the bar but that is it. I just have other thinks in life that are more important to me than drinking & partying. There is nothing wrong with drinking though as long as you are careful about it. Good Luck to you!

Oh, wow was this a good read folks!!! Hope all works out BG. I love tomatoes, have about 24 ounces of coffee a day (it is a lot huh) I know and not much citrus or alcohol. I have started slowing down even more my 1/2 a cup of food (4 ounces) takes me over a half an hour to eat. It is crazy? I just have to go really slow or I get stuck. I chew like a COW, I sometimes swallow only half of what is in my mouth and then wait and swallow the rest in a few seconds. I have been drinking the water trying to get it all in, but it is hard. I have been having the other kind of gas. The other end. LOL. You just can't take me anywhere I blame the dog!! Maybe it is what I am eating that gives me the gas? I do not burp at all and I never have. If I try to burp more than air comes up usually. I may be saying just a little too much here. Sorry..... I just love your blog BG you are the best Made any soup lately? Have a nice night. imaluckydog

I don't eat a lot of the SF stuff (all those ethyl...aren't great for you), but I'm a chocoholic, so I always have the individually wrapped SF Russell Stover's chocolates in the house. All kinds of insides; peanut butter, carmel, toffee, etc. and they come in dark chocolate as well. I have one most nights after dinner and it gives me a treat to look forward to all day. For me I can't make anything completely off limits or eventually I'm doomed for failure. If I know I'm allowed and I'll be able to have it soon, then I'm good. If you eat more than a little of any of these with the sugar alcohols you'll pay the price...gas and diarrhea (that helps me keep it to one LOL). SF fudcicles & popsicles help me out too. I also agree with the 'the more you have the more you want'. Try cutting sugars out completely for a few days and then see how it goes.

:thumbup: Thank you guys! your words are very comforting. I haven't slept well for several days now... and feel so tired and unfocused. Not sure why I feel so scared, man! I've had worse things happen to me than surgery, but still. I will miss my diet dr. pepper soo much, but heck, just by not drinking that much I've lost 5 lbs already! haha! I am a family counselor and every day I tell my clients: " if it's not working, change it!" well, now it's time for me to follow my own advice... it's hard, now I understand my alcoholic and drug addicted clients. I love food so much but if this keeps going the way it is, I'll eventually die, and heck if I want to leave the fun! NO WAY! This will be good for my daughters too... they have horrible food habits, mostly my fault, now we all will have to learn a new way of relating to food, and it's not going to be easy but I think will be worth it in the end. 1 more day to go... I wil be today in the office until 730 pm... need the distraction. Talk to you soon! I appreciate your support.

So I was thinking the other night. I recently took a trip to visit some old college friends that I had not seen in about 12 years. I was very excited about this. One of them was a female friend, and yes we were only friends. I had the biggest crush on her in college which she knew about, but nothing ever came from it. Well the night we all went out alcohol start to take its toll and we start talking. She tells me she is sorry for not liking me the way I liked her. I told her that she had nothing to be sorry about. it happens. We are both married now and in great relationships so there is no reason to be sorry. She still continued to apologize. She thinks that i still like her. I told her of course I still liked her but just as a really good friend. This leads to her telling me I was too NICE, and that I KNOW WHERE NICE GUYS FINISH!!!!! Now under normal conditions I would just let that slide. The next day while I traveled home I started to think more about the conversation. I think I was just used a lot during college, even high school. THe reason I say this is I AM ALWAYS THE NICE GUY. I think deep down this is what lead to one of my reasons for having the surgery. I was sick of always being the FAT friend, NICE GUY, Ect........ Granted I am married to a wonderful woman now but those were many of the thoughts that went through and continue to go through my head. Deep down I want to show them all. THe friend I had in college is still a great friend and we have talked about that night and think everything is good now. I told her how it made me feel and she apologized for it. Just some stuff I needed to get off my chest.

So I was thinking the other night. I recently took a trip to visit some old college friends that I had not seen in about 12 years. I was very excited about this. One of them was a female friend, and yes we were only friends. I had the biggest crush on her in college which she knew about, but nothing ever came from it. Well the night we all went out alcohol start to take its toll and we start talking. She tells me she is sorry for not liking me the way I liked her. I told her that she had nothing to be sorry about. it happens. We are both married now and in great relationships so there is no reason to be sorry. She still continued to apologize. She thinks that i still like her. I told her of course I still liked her but just as a really good friend. This leads to her telling me I was too NICE, and that I KNOW WHERE NICE GUYS FINISH!!!!! Now under normal conditions I would just let that slide. The next day while I traveled home I started to think more about the conversation. I think I was just used a lot during college, even high school. THe reason I say this is I AM ALWAYS THE NICE GUY. I think deep down this is what lead to one of my reasons for having the surgery. I was sick of always being the FAT friend, NICE GUY, Ect........ Granted I am married to a wonderful woman now but those were many of the thoughts that went through and continue to go through my head. Deep down I want to show them all. THe friend I had in college is still a great friend and we have talked about that night and think everything is good now. I told her how it made me feel and she apologized for it. Just some stuff I needed to get off my chest.

I just looked it up and this is what I found - hope it helps refractory hypertension A condition characterized by BP ≥140/90, or ≥160/90 if > 60 and absent features of 2º HTN, maximal dose of 2+ antihypertensives is being administered, and adequate time has passed to allow the usual antihypertensives to be effective DiffDx Spurious–pseudoHTN, 'white coat' HTN, noncompliance with therapy, presence of exogenous substances that ↑ BP–alcohol, anabolic steroids, caffeine, chlorpromazine, cyclosporine, erythropoietin, MAOIs, nicotine, sympathomimetics, tricyclic antidepressants, cocaine, corticosteroids, NSAIDs, salt; obesity should be controlled