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In my opinion (totally my opinion) I think that the affect is felt more because of the deficit of food calories we consume. I don't think that the effect is felt because of metabolizing or anything else but the lack of food. Before my surgery if I barely ate (and anyone can contest to this) my buzz was MUCH faster than if I ate before going out. I will say that my alcohol consumption has cut down ALOT...and it does only take a small amount of alcohol to get me tipsy. I have to watch it, I will be stumbling drunk by the second drink (I drink liquor not beer).

That literature is for gastric bypass patients, who, unlike band patients, do have different absorbative properties. Our stomachs aren't any smaller and alcohol should not metabolize any different. Brad

here's a snippet from another article on the same study: "Morton said the obesity surgery patients don’t produce as much of an enzyme that breaks down alcohol because their stomachs are smaller. Also, the alcohol passes to their small intestine faster, speeding up absorption, he said." Again, referring to bypass. Not sure if the same applies for bandsters.

Here's an article on alcohol and WLS, but it talks about gastric bypass. People Get Drunk Faster After Bariatric Surgery, New Study

[OK someone needs to explain this to me.... There are no plumbing changes with the band and when properly adjusted, liquids go straight through the band, so how would alcohol have any different metabolic properties? Brad Beats the heck out of me. All I know is after a normal dosage of nyquil there was a party going on in my head. :sad:

If your surgeon allows carbonation (many do) and if you tolerate it, beer is still on the menu too. Drinking beer slowly gives me no problems. :sad: OK someone needs to explain this to me.... There are no plumbing changes with the band and when properly adjusted, liquids go straight through the band, so how would alcohol have any different metabolic properties? Brad

Yes, you can, but also keep in mind that alcohol will affect you much more instensely post op. My surgeon said one glass will hit you as much as 3-4 glasses. Heck, I got tipsy on a dose of Nyquil post op. Good times.

You have youth on your side. The weight will come off. Beer may give you some trouble depending on how tight your restriction gets. A drink every once in awhile won't hurt you but it is high calorie and may slow the weightloss for you. If you only have one drink on special occasions and stay away from being a heavy drinker, your life will turn out better in the long run. You are so young and have so much life ahead of you. I think you have a bright future and it is great you are getting rid of the excess weight so young. Drinking heavy messes with your liver over the years anyway. You can find other ways to have fun and keep the alcohol consumption down. Good luck on your life journey !

Simple answer; yes. If we could not do the things that we enjoy, including drinking alcohol following surgery; many of us would not have even considered surgery. I've cut it down quite a bit and only drink every 2 or 3 weeks but I enjoy it and it has not interfered with my weight loss.

So I'm having my surgery in around 4 months or so. No set date yet. I used to drink a lot on the weekends, but I quit that so I can lose weight. I probably won't be drinking after surgery until I lose the weight I want to lose. So, can you drink when you've had the surgery?

I will admit, the big rule I break is drinking with my meals. Although, I don't gulp it. I may take tiny tiny sips. I barely drink 1/4 of my glass, if even that much. It does not affect my hunger, nor does it make me pb or uncomfortable. I drink alcohol on occassion. I haven't had a drink in over a month. I don't eat bread anymore, although I can still tolerate rice. And I don't drink any carbonation at all. I took a sip of my husband's flat Dr. Pepper once, and never again! Exercising makes my port sore too. My husband and I just moved into a new house, and when we were packing up, I was so sore in my port area. It went away after about a day or two. I will see how sore unpacking makes me.

my doc said diet soda and alcohol are fine in moderation. i make my soda flat by shaking it though because the bubble theory of stretching the pouch makes sense to me. i don't usually drink alcohol anyway but it is high in carbs and sugar so it's not something i would drink anyway.

Cheri, Margaritas????? And I was dumb enough to have my surgery here! My preop diet was NPO after midnight and no alcohol 24 hours before surgery!!!!! I don't drink much or often, but a little send off before surgery would have been nice. ARRRRR Oh well, at least I could eat the whole day. Prior to my lapband I had the two week liquid regime. But then my BMI was over 40. Sunshine, you will be pleasantly surprised. I thought I would feel many times more pain than I did with my lapband, but honestly I don't think it was as much. Go figure. Euphoric, nibble nibble nibble. LOL My DH laughs watching me chipping at the crackers with my front teeth. I have to make sure I'm very careful to THINK about what I'm doing. I realize it would be so easy to thoughtlessly take a regular bite and give it a couple of chews and swallow. Most of the time when I got something "stuck" with my band, it was because I momentarily forgot. Not pretty.

Just as everyone suggested...I would try OA. It is free and then everyone there would know exactly how you feel. When you feel like you want to binge, try going on the chat here or if you do start going to OA maybe you could call someone there. It is an addiction, just like alcohol or drugs, and that is why those people have "sponsers" to talk them out of going back to old habits when they are under pressure.

So I spent like 13K on my lap band surgery and have been struggling to drop my pathetic 8lbs this last month. No alcohol, no bread, no Pasta, no soda, only sugar free sweets, no fun. And walking my tail off on the treadmill. My husband cut back to diet Jack and Coke and stopped eating quite as many Cookies in the evening and has already dropped like 15lbs in 2 weeks. Yes, this is why we hate men.

I have sensitive skin and am allergic to band-aid adhesive, too. It sounds like you still have some irritation since your doctor doesn't think it's an infection. I usually put some hydrocortisone cream on rashes like that. Ask your doctor if that would be ok. It helps me when I have a reaction. Don't try to dry it out with alcohol or peroxide. That will make it itchier!

Diet ginger ale has no sugar or caffeine... so I am going to give it a shot. It has nothing to do with hydration, as I have always been a water drinker. I don't drink alcohol, so sometimes to be sociable with my friends that drink, I like a ginger ale. Are there any other reasons not to try one?

To all I thought this info was really helpfull. For those that have been banded by Dr Chris, what aftercare is offered is there a contact in the UK. What to Eat WheN - After Lap Band Surgery In hospital straight after surgery to day 1 CLEAR FLUIDS OVERNIGHT water clear fruit juice and cordial only [*]don’t drink everything at once [*]small amounts often – 50mls every 10 minutes [*]suck on ice if thirsty or dry [*]no fizzy drinks NO SOLID FOOD - CLEAR FLUIDS ONLY VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Do NOT eat anything other than water, clear fruit juice, clear consommé, and black tea/coffee or cordial – even if it has been delivered to your room – it is probably a mistake. EATING UTENSIL Slim straw only Days 2 to 21-28 - Liquids Only LIQUIDS ONLY – small amounts frequently to keep you hydrated – 50mls every 10 minutes (up to 2 litres per day). Within a week you should be able to drink 1 cup of fluid slowly. 120 ml fruit juice 250 ml vegetable juices/ vegetable soup (pureed, thin) protein drinks reduced fat milk fully vitamised chicken/meat & vegetable soup no fizzy drinks NO SOLID FOOD - FLUIDS ONLY VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Drink small amounts often. Your new stomach pouch is small. Don’t overstretch it by drinking too much at once. Sip slowly, Small mouthfuls. If you can’t get it through a slim straw easily you can’t have it. EATING UTENSIL Slim straw only Days 21-28 to 35 - Sloppy Low Fibre Foods SLOPPY LOW FIBRE FOODS ONLY – EASILY SQUISHED THROUGH THE FINGERS - OR – THE THICKNESS OF BABY’S FIRST FOOD OR SMOOTHED MASHED POTATO turn off the telephone, lock the front door, occupy the kids, totally concentrate on eating sip very small amounts very slowly wait for a minute between sips no more than 200mls at a time 2 lite dairy/soya serves daily (1 serve= 1cup milk or 200g lite yoghurt or 35 g cheese) ½ cup pureed fruit or mashed banana puree cooked veal, pork or chicken, avoid beef (too fibrous) eat small amounts slowly but more frequently, hunger makes you eat faster avoid lobster, squid or prawns avoid home-cooked spaghetti & rice tinned spaghetti & tinned creamy rice are okay no fizzy drinks VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Eat very slowly and chew very well – 30 times each mouthful Low fibre fruit & vegetables only Low fibre means without the fibrous skin. Dried fruits like prunes, raisins & sultanas are also off the menu for this month. Drink 15 minutes or more before eating, and one hour after eating. SLOPPY/PUREED LOW FIBRE FOODS ONLY EATING UTENSILS MacDonald’s sized thicker straw or Teaspoon ^top Days 35- 42 - Transition Phase TRANSITION PHASE – gradually introduce solids from 5 to 6 weeks only very cautiously turn off the telephone, lock the front door, occupy the kids, totally concentrate on eating do not increase the portion sizes you have become used to over the last 4 weeks eat very small amounts very slowly wait for a minute between each mouth full cautiously introduce cooked unblended chicken or veal – 50 grams in total to begin with cautiously introduce cooked unblended vegetables cut fibrous vegetables into tiny pieces, then chew very well VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Eat very slowly Chew very well – 30 times each mouthful Cut meat into tiny pieces Drink 15 minutes or more before eating, and one hour after eating. EATING UTENSILS Teaspoon or Equivalent Size ^top What to eat for the rest of your life turn off the telephone, lock the front door, occupy the kids, totally concentrate on eating do not increase the portion sizes you have become used to over the last 4 weeks continue the further introduction of solids that you began to introduce at 5 to 6 weeks very cautiously the volume and coarseness of the food should slowly be increased over the coming weeks eat very small amounts very slowly wait for a minute between each mouth full continue to cautiously introduce cooked unblended chicken or veal – begin with 50 grams continue to cautiously introduce cooked unblended vegetables cut fibrous vegetables into tiny pieces, then chew very well 30 times each mouth full by about week 10 you should be at the point where you can attend a restaurant and eat an entrée sized meal in both volume and consistency – the time it takes you to eat this meal should equal the time it takes your eating partner to consume both entrée and main meal VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Eat very slowly Chew very well – 30 times each mouthful Cut meat into tiny pieces Cut fibrous vegetables into tiny pieces Drink 15 minutes or more before eating, and one hour after eating. EATING UTENSILS Teaspoon or Equivalent Size ^top Tips for Eating Out the drinking rule still applies, 15 minutes or more before eating and one hour after eating; special exception because you’re eating out, you can take tiny sips of liquid while eating while we’re on the drinking subject, for those of us who don’t mind a tipple, with the Lap Band in place alcohol will be absorbed much more quickly and therefore if consumed should be done so very slowly – remember, less is more and a lower tolerance can mean higher blood alcohol levels, so if you’re going to drink, please don’t drive just because you’re eating out, don’t decide to “make a meal of it” so to speak, and consume more than you have become used to over the last ten weeks eat one entrée sized meal only over the time it takes your eating companion to consume both entrée and main course if you don’t like the entrée choices, ask for the main meal served entrée size remember, we often eat just for taste, and not for hunger; if you remember this then savouring one tiny teaspoon of your partner’s dessert for the taste is all you really need if you’re worried about drawing attention to yourself by making the above requests, or by seeming to eat less than you have in the past, remember, this is the new you, you DO eat less now, your appetite isn’t as great, you don’t seem to need as much to satisfy you anymore, perhaps you’re coming down with something (any of these statements, casually uttered should deflect the curiosity of family or friends used to the old you, if you’re the shy type and think it’s none of their business. Otherwise feel free to be loud and proud and espouse the wonders of Lap Band surgery.) locate the toilets on arrival so you know exactly where to go if you’re not concentrating on each mouth full and you need to make a hasty exit by now you should be able to judge what “tiny” mouthful means and should be back to using knife and fork ^top BMI Calculator Does my band need adjusting? Post Op Pointers Post Adjustment Rules Food Clues Inamed Lap Band Process GP Info and News What to Eat WheN - After Lap Band Surgery There is a printable version of this information available here in PDF format. The PDF version also contains some menu ideas for the different phases. In hospital straight after surgery to day 1 CLEAR FLUIDS OVERNIGHT water clear fruit juice and cordial only [*]don’t drink everything at once [*]small amounts often – 50mls every 10 minutes [*]suck on ice if thirsty or dry [*]no fizzy drinks NO SOLID FOOD - CLEAR FLUIDS ONLY VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Do NOT eat anything other than water, clear fruit juice, clear consommé, and black tea/coffee or cordial – even if it has been delivered to your room – it is probably a mistake. EATING UTENSIL Slim straw only Days 2 to 21-28 - Liquids Only LIQUIDS ONLY – small amounts frequently to keep you hydrated – 50mls every 10 minutes (up to 2 litres per day). Within a week you should be able to drink 1 cup of fluid slowly. 120 ml fruit juice 250 ml vegetable juices/ vegetable soup (pureed, thin) protein drinks reduced fat milk fully vitamised chicken/meat & vegetable soup no fizzy drinks NO SOLID FOOD - FLUIDS ONLY VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Drink small amounts often. Your new stomach pouch is small. Don’t overstretch it by drinking too much at once. Sip slowly, Small mouthfuls. If you can’t get it through a slim straw easily you can’t have it. EATING UTENSIL Slim straw only Days 21-28 to 35 - Sloppy Low Fibre Foods SLOPPY LOW FIBRE FOODS ONLY – EASILY SQUISHED THROUGH THE FINGERS - OR – THE THICKNESS OF BABY’S FIRST FOOD OR SMOOTHED MASHED POTATO turn off the telephone, lock the front door, occupy the kids, totally concentrate on eating sip very small amounts very slowly wait for a minute between sips no more than 200mls at a time 2 lite dairy/soya serves daily (1 serve= 1cup milk or 200g lite yoghurt or 35 g cheese) ½ cup pureed fruit or mashed banana puree cooked veal, pork or chicken, avoid beef (too fibrous) eat small amounts slowly but more frequently, hunger makes you eat faster avoid lobster, squid or prawns avoid home-cooked spaghetti & rice tinned spaghetti & tinned creamy rice are okay no fizzy drinks VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Eat very slowly and chew very well – 30 times each mouthful Low fibre fruit & vegetables only Low fibre means without the fibrous skin. Dried fruits like prunes, raisins & sultanas are also off the menu for this month. Drink 15 minutes or more before eating, and one hour after eating. SLOPPY/PUREED LOW FIBRE FOODS ONLY EATING UTENSILS MacDonald’s sized thicker straw or Teaspoon ^top Days 35- 42 - Transition Phase TRANSITION PHASE – gradually introduce solids from 5 to 6 weeks only very cautiously turn off the telephone, lock the front door, occupy the kids, totally concentrate on eating do not increase the portion sizes you have become used to over the last 4 weeks eat very small amounts very slowly wait for a minute between each mouth full cautiously introduce cooked unblended chicken or veal – 50 grams in total to begin with cautiously introduce cooked unblended vegetables cut fibrous vegetables into tiny pieces, then chew very well VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Eat very slowly Chew very well – 30 times each mouthful Cut meat into tiny pieces Drink 15 minutes or more before eating, and one hour after eating. EATING UTENSILS Teaspoon or Equivalent Size ^top What to eat for the rest of your life turn off the telephone, lock the front door, occupy the kids, totally concentrate on eating do not increase the portion sizes you have become used to over the last 4 weeks continue the further introduction of solids that you began to introduce at 5 to 6 weeks very cautiously the volume and coarseness of the food should slowly be increased over the coming weeks eat very small amounts very slowly wait for a minute between each mouth full continue to cautiously introduce cooked unblended chicken or veal – begin with 50 grams continue to cautiously introduce cooked unblended vegetables cut fibrous vegetables into tiny pieces, then chew very well 30 times each mouth full by about week 10 you should be at the point where you can attend a restaurant and eat an entrée sized meal in both volume and consistency – the time it takes you to eat this meal should equal the time it takes your eating partner to consume both entrée and main meal VERY IMPORTANT NOTES Eat very slowly Chew very well – 30 times each mouthful Cut meat into tiny pieces Cut fibrous vegetables into tiny pieces Drink 15 minutes or more before eating, and one hour after eating. EATING UTENSILS Teaspoon or Equivalent Size ^top Tips for Eating Out the drinking rule still applies, 15 minutes or more before eating and one hour after eating; special exception because you’re eating out, you can take tiny sips of liquid while eating while we’re on the drinking subject, for those of us who don’t mind a tipple, with the Lap Band in place alcohol will be absorbed much more quickly and therefore if consumed should be done so very slowly – remember, less is more and a lower tolerance can mean higher blood alcohol levels, so if you’re going to drink, please don’t drive just because you’re eating out, don’t decide to “make a meal of it” so to speak, and consume more than you have become used to over the last ten weeks eat one entrée sized meal only over the time it takes your eating companion to consume both entrée and main course if you don’t like the entrée choices, ask for the main meal served entrée size remember, we often eat just for taste, and not for hunger; if you remember this then savouring one tiny teaspoon of your partner’s dessert for the taste is all you really need if you’re worried about drawing attention to yourself by making the above requests, or by seeming to eat less than you have in the past, remember, this is the new you, you DO eat less now, your appetite isn’t as great, you don’t seem to need as much to satisfy you anymore, perhaps you’re coming down with something (any of these statements, casually uttered should deflect the curiosity of family or friends used to the old you, if you’re the shy type and think it’s none of their business. Otherwise feel free to be loud and proud and espouse the wonders of Lap Band surgery.) locate the toilets on arrival so you know exactly where to go if you’re not concentrating on each mouth full and you need to make a hasty exit by now you should be able to judge what “tiny” mouthful means and should be back to using knife and fork

Hey! band erosion can be caused by many different things like spicy food, caffine, alcohol, smoking, rapid fills etc. There is no one way to determine what causes it. 7cc is what Dr Kang usually gives as a first fill though I declined to get that amount with my first band and I will again with my second band only because a) I had erosion once before I didnt find big fills helped my hungry I felt the same full filled and completely empty c) I only have 10 kg to lose so I am in no rush to lose a lot of weight fast. As for me I was a very rare case (if your referring to me) and even the doc was surprised to find erosion ( it was only the size of a pea as he caught it early). As for Protein powder and such I have found it in itaewon so if you want to go sometime we can meet up one weekend. I am not sure how much it would cost though maybe a little pricey but trust me it is great :eek:

I'm also an ICU nurse, and I agree with PCindy. Plus, the 'resp depression' usually is the patient breathing too slowly or not deeply enough, not WANTING to breathe and not being able to. Its exactly like someone who drinks a massive amount of alcohol and then passes out on the couch. The reason its given over two mins is so that it dosent irritate your vein and burn like crazy. I cant believe that doctor didnt just admit what they did instead of leading you to believe that you have some sort of problem with the drug. very scary:(

Band is way less risky, reversible and leaves your bowels intact. Google "dumping syndrome." Band is adjustable or even reversible. Plus, you can drink alcohol with the band but not with the bypass. Truth be told, I would be interested in the sleeve but insurance won't pay for it and I'm not sure if the stomach would eventually grow back. For me, there is just no way I would do the full bypass - it's just too radical.

Alcohol is absorbed normally in our digestive systems. We do not get drunk faster than before surgery, unless tolerance is decreased due to drinking less frequently for caloric reasons. Bypass patients do, due to the restructuring of their systems, the alcohol is metabolized quicker.

None whatsoever! I have been embraced and strongly supported by members of OA. I find it an amazing program although I am only at the start of the 4th step and still in alot of emotional pain, (due to ongoing family issues). Although this venue is and continues to be a wonderful source of support, I do not think I would cope well without the support of people with whom I could physically connect with. Since I am dealing with a daughter who is an alcoholic (and an over-eater)-and is in complete, hostile denial, I am going to also look for Alanon meetings to go to as well. Not having food as a crutch really forces me to have to face my reality and I need as much support as I can get. Well put Roseib.

You know those pregnant girls, Judy... crazy cravings! :thumbup: I have the "Cookbook Collector on reserve @ the library. Right now I'm reading "Little Bee". How about that new Oprah fav? Women, food, and God... O says it'll "end your war with food". Here's an excerpt: Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth When I was in high school, I used to dream about having Melissa Morris's legs, Toni Oliver's eyes, and Amy Breyer's hair. I liked my skin, my breasts, and my lips, but everything else had to go. Then, in my 20s, I dreamed about slicing off pieces of my thighs and arms the way you carve a turkey, certain that if I could cut away what was wrong, only the good parts?the pretty parts, the thin parts?would be left. I believed there was an end goal, a place at which I would arrive and forevermore be at peace. And since I also believed that the way to get there was by judging and shaming and hating myself, I also believed in diets. Diets are based on the unspoken fear that you are a madwoman, a food terrorist, a lunatic. The promise of a diet is not only that you will have a different body; it is that in having a different body, you will have a different life. If you hate yourself enough, you will love yourself. If you torture yourself enough, you will become a peaceful, relaxed human being. Although the very notion that hatred leads to love and that torture leads to relaxation is absolutely insane, we hypnotize ourselves into believing that the end justifies the means. We treat ourselves and the rest of the world as if deprivation, punishment, and shame lead to change. We treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the only acceptable outcome is annihilation. Our deeply ingrained belief is that hatred and torture work. And although I've never met anyone?not one person?for whom warring with their bodies led to long-lasting change, we continue to believe that with a little more self-disgust, we'll prevail. But the truth is that kindness, not hatred, is the answer. The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value, and possibility. To change your body, you must first understand that which is shaping it. Not fight it. Not force it. Not deprive it. Not shame it. Not do anything but accept and?yes, Virginia?understand it. Because if you force and deprive and shame yourself into being thin, you end up a deprived, shamed, fearful person who will also be thin for ten minutes. When you abuse yourself (by taunting or threatening yourself), you become a bruised human being no matter how much you weigh. When you demonize yourself, when you pit one part of you against another?your ironclad will against your bottomless hunger?you end up feeling split and crazed and afraid that the part you locked away will, when you are least prepared, take over and ruin your life. Losing weight on any program in which you tell yourself that left to your real impulses you would devour the universe is like building a skyscraper on sand: Without a foundation, the new structure collapses. Change, if it is to be long-lasting, must occur on the unseen levels first. With understanding, inquiry, openness. With the realization that you eat the way you do for lifesaving reasons. I tell my retreat students that there are always exquisitely good reasons why they turn to food. Can you imagine how your life would have been different if each time you were feeling sad or angry as a kid, an adult said to you, "Come here, sweetheart, tell me all about it"? If when you were overcome with grief at your best friend's rejection, someone said to you, "Oh, darling, tell me more. Tell me where you feel those feelings. Tell me how your belly feels, your chest. I want to know every little thing. I'm here to listen to you, hold you, be with you." All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It wants to dissolve like a thousand writhing snakes that with a flick of kindness become harmless strands of rope. The path from obsession to feelings to presence is not about healing our "wounded children" or feeling every bit of rage or grief we never felt so that we can be successful, thin, and happy. We are not trying to put ourselves together. We are taking who we think we are apart. We feel the feelings not so that we can blame our parents for not saying, "Oh, darling," not so that we can express our anger to everyone we've never confronted, but because unmet feelings obscure our ability to know ourselves. As long as we take ourselves to be the child who was hurt by an unconscious parent, we will never grow up. We will never know who we actually are. We will keep looking for the parent who never showed up and forget to see that the one who is looking is no longer a child. I tell my retreat students that they need to remember two things: to eat what they want when they're hungry and to feel what they feel when they're not. Inquiry?the feel-what-you-feel part?allows you to relate to your feelings instead of retreat from them. Sometimes when I ask students what they are feeling in their bodies, they have no idea. It's been a couple of light-years since they felt anything in or about their bodies that wasn't judgment or loathing. So it's good to ask some questions that allow you to focus on the sensations themselves. You can ask yourself if the feeling has a shape, a temperature, a color. You can ask yourself how it affects you to feel this. And since no feeling is static, you keep noticing the changes that occur in your body as you ask yourself these questions. If you get stuck, it's usually because you're having a reaction to a particular feeling?you don't want to feel this way, you'd rather be happy right now, you don't like people who feel like this?or you're locked into comparing/judging mode. So, be precise. "I feel a gray heap of ashes in my chest" rather than "I feel something odd and heavy." Don't try to direct the process by having preferences or agendas. Let the inquiry move in its own direction. Notice whatever arises, even if it surprises you. "Oh, I thought I was sad, but now I see that this is loneliness. It feels like a ball of rubber bands in my stomach." Welcome the rubber bands. Give them room. Watch what happens. Keep coming back to the direct sensations in your body. Pay attention to things you've never told anyone, secrets you've kept to yourself. Do not censor anything. Do not get discouraged. It takes a while to trust the immediacy of inquiry since we are so used to directing everything with our minds. It is helpful, though not necessary, to do inquiry with a guide or a partner so that you can have a witness and a living reminder to come back to the sensation and the location. Most of all, remember that inquiry is not about discovering answers to puzzling problems but a direct and experiential revelation process. It's fueled by love. It's like taking a dive into the secret of existence itself; it is full of surprises, twists, side trips. You engage in it because you want to penetrate the unknown, comprehend the incomprehensible. Because when you evoke curiosity and openness with a lack of judgment, you align yourself with beauty and delight and love?for their own sake. You become the benevolence of God in action. A few years ago, I received a letter from someone who'd included a Weight Watchers ribbon on which was embossed "I lost ten pounds." Underneath the gold writing, the letter writer added "And I still feel like crap." We think we're miserable because of what we weigh. And to the extent that our joints hurt and our knees ache and we can't walk three blocks without losing our breath, we probably are physically miserable because of extra weight. But if we've spent the last five, 20, 50 years obsessing about the same ten or 20 pounds, something else is going on. Something that has nothing to do with weight. Most people are so glad to read about, hear about, and then begin any approach that doesn't focus on weight loss as its main agenda that they take it to be license to eat without restraint. "Aha!" they say. "Someone finally understands that it's not about the weight." It's never been about the weight. It's not even about food. "Great," they say, "let's eat. A lot. Let's not stop." And the truth is that it's not about the weight. Either you want to wake up or you want to go to sleep. You either want to anesthetize yourself or you do not. You either want to live or you want to die. But it's also not not about the weight. No one can argue that being a hundred pounds overweight is not physically challenging; the reality of sheer poundage and its physical consequences cannot be denied. Some people at my retreats can't sit in a chair comfortably. They can't walk up a slight incline without feeling pain. Their doctors tell them their lives are in danger unless they lose weight. They need knee replacements, hip replacements, LAP-BAND surgeries. The pressure on their hearts, their kidneys, their joints is too much for their body to tolerate and still function well. So it is about the weight to the extent that weight gets in the way of basic function: of feelings, of doing, of moving, of being fully alive. The bottom line, whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent, and very, very short?even at a hundred years?life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, it could be cocaine. Surfing the Internet. Talking on the phone. For a variety of reasons we don't fully understand (genetics, temperament, environment), those of us who are compulsive eaters choose food. Not because of its taste. Not because of its texture or its color. We want quantity, volume, bulk. We need it?a lot of it?to go unconscious. To wipe out what's going on. The unconsciousness is what's important, not the food. Sometimes people will say, "But I just like the taste of food. In fact, I love the taste! Why can't it be that simple? I overeat because I like food." But. When you like something, you pay attention to it. When you like something?love something?you take time with it. You want to be present for every second of the rapture. But overeating does not lead to rapture: It leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can't think of anything but how full you are. That's not love; that's suffering. I'm not exactly proud to say that I have been miserable anywhere, with anything, with anyone. I've been miserable standing in a field of a thousand sunflowers in southern France in mid-June. I've been miserable weighing 80 pounds and wearing a size 0. And I've been happy wearing a size 18, been happy sitting with my dying father, been happy being a switchboard operator. But like many people, I've had the "When I Get Thin (Change Jobs, Move, Find a Relationship, Leave This Relationship, Have Money) Blues." It's called the "If Only" refrain. It's called postponing your life and your ability to be happy to a future date when then, oh then, you will finally get what you want and life will be good. You will stop turning to food when you start understanding in your body, not just your mind, that there is something better than turning to food. And this time, when you lose weight, you will keep it off. Truth, not force, does the work of ending compulsive eating. The poet Galway Kinnell wrote that "sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness." Everything we do, I tell my students, is to reteach ourselves our loveliness. Diets are the result of your belief that you have to atone for being yourself to be worthy of existing. Until the belief is understood and questioned, no amount of weight loss will touch the part of you that is convinced it is damaged. It will make sense to you that hatred leads to love and that torture leads to peace because you will be operating on the conviction that you must starve or deprive or punish the badness out of you. You won't keep extra weight off, because being at your natural weight does not match your convictions about the way life unfolds. But once the belief and the subsequent decisions are questioned, diets and being uncomfortable in your body lose their seductive allure. Only kindness makes sense. Anything else is excruciating. You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. The Sufi poet Rumi, writing about birds learning to fly, wrote: "How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they're given wings." If you wait until you have Toni Oliver's eyes and Amy Breyer's hair, if you wait to respect yourself until you are at the weight you imagine you need to be to respect yourself, you will never respect yourself. To be given wings, you've got to be willing to believe that you were put on this Earth for more than your endless attempts to lose the same 30 pounds 300 times for 80 years. And that goodness and loveliness are possible, even in something as mundane as what you put in your mouth for Breakfast. Beginning now.

Forgot to add in my last post they weighed me again today so since my fill on Thursday I lost 3 lbs!!! Drinking: nope I've never been drunk either partly because I don't like most alcoholic drinks but put me in Hawaii with lava flow drink and who knows lol