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Hi All, My name is Holly. I'm 46 (actually had to think a bit before I remembered!! - Just shows I really am 46!), have been married to the same wonderful man for 27 years, and have a beautiful, kind, intelligent, hard-working 16 year old daughter. We are a homeschooling family living in southwest Louisiana and I am a licensed florist - currently unemployed by choice. I'm get tired of talking about my weight gain/loss/gain/loss/gain history so if it's ok I'll just post my stats. highest/surgery/current (total loss) 400+/403/343/ (-60) (Edited because I forgot to say some things)

My first "spouse" cheated on me from the moment we were together, and I blame a lot of my weight gain on her. I am an emotional eater, and man did I eat (and cut, and drug, and everything else I could do). Then on to the next one, who after cheating with me on her ex (I was desperate, fat and stupid, what can I say) was fine for about 3 or 4 years. Then she met a woman at work that she "clicked" with. They never got physical, at least that is what they said, I am still not sure if I believe it....but I moved on, and gained more weight. Now, I am with the true love of my life, and I know that there is no cheating because when I look into her eyes, the love I see reflected there is so pure and true...I mean, it is different. Having been with two people who did cheat, I can sense the difference. I would say that my weight has a lot to do with not feeling good about myself because of the cheating. I tried to make it so that "if she cheats, and she will, it is because I am fat, I can understand that".

Look what I found on another thread! From Physicology Today Article from the author of Passing for Thin Size and Sensibility Losing half her body weight was no picnic. But living thin—and expanding her sense of self—nearly made Frances Kuffle’s world blow up I had been summoned to The Show, the Holy Grail for authors and the fulfillment of all my mother’s dreams. In a harried day of phone calls from Chicago, at the tail end of a snowstorm, the producers of Oprah decided, with 90 minutes to catch the last shuttle out of LaGuardia, that they might want me. You’d think, on the eve of what could catapult my book to national attention, that I would be too nervous to eat. I am never too nervous to eat. As I grazed the basket of goodies in my expensive suite, I had two questions. First: Would Harpo Productions’ bean counters go over my hotel tab and ask, “Isn’t that the woman who lost all that weight? What are these charges for chocolate-covered almonds and honey peanuts doing here?” Second: Why am I eating all this stuff? I might be on TV tomorrow! What with Oprah replaying 24/7, everyone in America could count the bread crumbs on my velvet dress. So much for the can-do kid, who, after 42 years of obesity and missed opportunities, had lost 188 pounds and written a book about it. Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight And Finding My Self is an account of how I used my radical change in weight to turn a small, private worlds of eating and surviving into one as big as my former size 32 dresses. I climbed mountains! I swaddled myself in cashmere and had lovers; I went to Italy. I floated out of the gym after lifting weights, I sat in restaurant booths, wore bracelets, and crossed my legs and took the middle seat in airplanes. Then I used my weight loss to do the next impossible thing: I became and author. Being thin opened the doors to experience and intimacy. National exposure, however, was an intrusion I hadn’t considered. I am not a pundit or a role model. You’re going to be pilloried, Frances, I thought with the vehemence of a Sicilian curse. And yet, there I was gobbling Oprah’s $12 Cookies. I put on my pajamas and pulled back the comforter on the king-size bed. It was littered with wrappers. My cheeks were burning with shame and calories. Tomorrow, I promised myself solemnly. And when tomorrow came, I smiled and joked, and I was gracious when I wasn’t, after all, needed for the show. I ached not from disappointment but with the hangover of sugar in my muscles, the sour gas in my gut and the heartbreak of being a liar. After a failed romance and a change of jobs, I drifted into relapse in March 2003, a year before Oprah, I had time on my hands—and time, in my case, is the enemy. I filled it by studying where and how I went wrong, at the office, in the bedroom. Intellectually, I knew that the boyfriend was emotionally frozen and that my former employer was abusive and infantilizing, but I couldn’t shake my ingrained conviction that I was responsible for everything that went wrong. I stopped going to the gym: I started eating peanuts or rice cakes between meals. A little of this, a little of that, and one morning I announced to a friend that I saw no reason why I couldn’t eat blackberry pie and ice cream, get the craving out of my system and return to my abstinence by noon. I wasn’t talking about a slice of pie a la mode. I was talking about a whole pie and a pint of ice cream. A whole pie? That summer I was reminded at every turn that I needed to be thin to promote my book. “You don’t want those cookies, honey”, my mom said as I carried off a stack I’d grabbed from the cooling rack. “Remember: You’re going to be in Oprah’s Magazine.” She was wrong. I did want those cookies, and I didn’t need reminding about Oprah. I sighed and took two more. When I asked myself what I needed, I was met with an unconsoling barrage of hungers. I needed to know I was not disposable. I needed a resting place. I needed to know I had enough stuff to carry off the rest of my life—enough talent, discipline, and intelligence—and enough sufficiency to protect myself from more heartbreak. I needed enough hope to find the friends and man I mourned the lack of. From August 1999 to August 2003, I’d gambled that losing weight would get me closer to all that, and I was told what to eat in those years. Now, after three years of maintaining my weight loss, I needed to be told what to feel when everyone but me has an opinion of who I am. I knew I—not just my body but my very self—was in trouble when I brushed aside a fleeting thought about how fat I looked with the answer “Never mind. You’ll like yourself when you get thin.” How does one live with self acceptance as a future and an always-conditional state of mind? More pragmatically, in lieu of my size 8 clothes, my career depended on self assurance. When asked, I admitted that I’d gained weight, adding that I never presented myself as the poster girl of thin. I said this with poise, which is not the same thing as confidence. Poise is teachable; confidence is one of the elements missing from the periodic table, three parts self respect to two parts experience. To get to confidence, I was going to have to listen to my self-accusations and sit with the rejections. Maybe shame had something to teach me. My next recovery period from food addiction would be based on therapy, heretofore more a matter of coaching than peeling back the layers of self. My psychiatrist’s and therapist’s offices became the places I could air my feelings about myself and the hopes I could change my self-perception. “There’s no point in getting depressed just because I’m depressed” I told my psychiatrist, who increased my morning meds anyway. That October, on a blue-and-gold afternoon, I had Indian food with Lanie, a friend visiting from my hometown, Missoula, Montana. I described how depressed I was by my weight gain until she preempted me. “You’ve been very fat, Frances, and you’ve been very thin. Welcome to where the rest of us live.” I twiddled my fork in my plate of saag panir. I think of Lanie as being very tall and very thin, but a few months earlier I’d helped her pick out a dress. Her dress size was similar to what I was wearing that day. The event we shopped for had been a gathering of Montana writers, many of them old friends, all middle-aged. One had a rounder face than I remembered; another wore layers of a truly terrible print in the style that catalogs and store clerks describe as “flattering”. Someone else was still very thin but looked drawn and brittle as age caught up with her bone structure. These were woman I’d long envied for their pretty thinness, and yet I’d been less like them when I was a size 8 than I was now. At size 8, I had to admit, I was so self-conscious (and secretly, overweening proud of it) that often that was all I was. I could have programmed my answering machine to announce, “Hi, you’ve reached a size 8. Please leave a message and either the size 8 or Frances will get back to you.” None of the women at that party, or Lanie savoring her lamb jurma across from me, claimed their identities from their weights that night. They wanted to gossip, compare stories of their kids and discuss what they were writing, tell old jokes more cleverly than thy had at the last party, and sample the Desserts weighing down the potluck buffet. I was not unlike them. Smaller by a size than Lanie, larger by a size than Laura, a little fresher looking than Diane. Of the Americans who lose weight, 95 percent gain it back within five years. I had gained a third of it back. Not all of it. To some extent, I had beaten the odds. I was stronger than the echoes of the boyfriend and boss allowed me to hear. I was determined not to repeat the mistake of being, rather than having, a thin body. I’d lived through my size all of my life, so acutely aware and ashamed of my obesity that the likable things about me—my sense of humor, my intelligence, talent, friendliness, kindness—were as illusory to me as a magician’s stacked card deck. As long as I defined myself by my body size, I would not experience those qualities for myself. As fall turned to a snowy winter, I picked through the spiral of relationships that had unglued me the year before. I didn’t blame the boyfriend or my boss for my relapse. I had been half of the problem; healthier self esteem would not have collapsed under their judgments of me. In obesity, I had clamped my arms to my sides to keep from swinging as I walked. I craned my body over armrests in theaters and airplanes, stood in the back of group photos to minimize the space I took up. I got thin and continued to hide. Whatever reasons the boyfriend had come up with for not seeing me, I met with amicability and sympathy. Had I reacted honestly, even to myself, I might have ended the relationship. Instead I’d gambled all my sweetness only to find out I was disposable. Likewise, I had not pressed my boss for an agenda of responsibilities from the start, nor had I clarified with her that her work and recreation styles frustrated and frightened me. Slowly I began to find toeholds in the avalanche of food and doubt. I worried about how fat I looked to potential readers and what I could possible wear to flatter or disguise the 40 pounds I’d gained. At the same time, however, I had become the canvas of makeup artists, stylists, photographers and publicists. They weren’t looking at my stomach. “Give me a hundred-watt smile,” commanded a photographer whose censure I thought I’d seen when I walked in. I licked my teeth and flashed a grin only somewhat longer than her camera flare. “Wow.” She straightened up at the tripod. “That really is a hundred watts. These are gonna be great.”. When I saw myself in the magazine, my smile was, in fact, the focal point. When I began dating, at the age of 45, my smile was an attribute men commented on, but I hadn’t really seen it until it was emblazoned on glossy paper. It was bigger, it seemed, than my face itself. I’d been a size 8 in my author photo, taken as my food plan was wobbling but not yet in smithereens, in June 2003. I was surprised to see I still looked like….myself, apparently. The power of my smile fueled me through more publicity, giving me a sense of authentic attractiveness that allowed me to enjoy the process. When I had a couple of days in Santa Monica between readings, I had a chance to assess and absorb at my own pace. Walking along the Palisades, I admired the sea-twisted pines and pearly mist funneling out of Malibu Canyon. I felt as lucky as I had once felt by being hired, by being loved, and I felt worthy of my luck because I appreciated the prettiness of the place, the serendipity that brought me there and my particular grateful awareness that knitted the moment together. I’d tried to rob myself of that by punishing myself for the boss and the boyfriend. You should not have treated me that way, I thought. The emphasis was on “me”, and just then I knew who that was. I looked around carefully. There was a family reunion going on, or so I assumed until I got closer and realized it was cookout hosted for the park’s lost and unfound citizens. I smiled to myself. How…California. No gritty, iron-shuttered Salvation Army outposts here, no Soup and Jell-O punishment for being a bum. No siree Bob. In California, the homeless are just one more variant on the Beach Boys. I laughed out load. I’m here, I gloated. I like my own company. I was tired of the games—with food, with hiding what I looked like under big clothes and my big smile, with waiting until I was a size 8 again to like myself. I recommitted to chipping at my food addiction, but I let go of some of the rigidity I’d had in the first years of losing and maintaining my weight loss. “I want to be praised when I do things right, and I want to be forgiven when I mess up.” I told people closest to me. “And I want milk in my coffee.” It was a small list, but significant because it allowed me to fumble as I gained my momentum of eating sanely. Esteem, kindness, patience, forgiveness: By cloaking myself in these qualities, I could build a self that was not afraid of authority figures and charming men who have one eye on the door. Maybe these attributes will curb the millions of things that make me want to eat, starting with seeing my parents or returning to Montana. I turn into the kid whose mother had to make her school uniform, whose big tummy stretched the plaid into an Etcher cartoon; I became the sad, joking fat college student who was reading The Fairy Queene while her girlfriends were soaking up the half-naked wonder of being 20 years old. I think of my parents’ kitchens, and my mouth waters for gingerbread and well-buttered toast. I regress when I let people like Lanie, whose struggle is different, comment or take chare of what I eat. “That’s two Entrees, Francis,” Lanie pointed out when I said I wanted goat cheese salad and roast chicken for our first lunch together in Paris. “Oh, Well, then, I’ll have the salad I guess,” I settled, grumpily. That’s the way I eat, that’s how I lost 188 pounds; vegetables and Protein. I was allowing her to limit me to a smidgen of cheese, or insufficient vegetables, and allowing her supervision is how I got so mad--the fatal elixir of anger and crazed desire—that I bought all the chocolate in Charles De Gaulle for my untasting delectation. I am the kid who, when told not to put Beans up her nose, heads directly to the pantry. “I have got to learn to tell people to stay out of my food,” I reported to my therapist back in new York. Then again, perhaps this is an evolutionary process rather than a one-time miracle cure. In 2003, I denned up for two months in Montana and ate. In 2004, I struggled again in Montana but I also did a lot of hiking, alone with my dog and with my niece. My slow pace didn’t frustrate either of them. I went horseback riding and got a terrific tan while swimming every afternoon. My thighs did not chafe in the August heat along the Seine, and I was thrilled to cross the Appalachian Trail later that autumn. I had spells of disappointment and fear from the way I ate, but I was living in my body, on my body’s terms. It’s a small world I’ve pulled from the wrappers, boxes and crumbs in the past two years, but a very human one. I’ve seen my family, close friends and therapists hold on to the stubborn believe that I would come through this. They loved me enough to countenance my mistakes and let me start over. Each day, I venture a little farther from the safety of food, and my courage comes from understanding that I am a lot like a lot of people—a family member, a friend, a dog owner, a recidivist, a middle aged woman, a writer who got a good rhythm going and forgot to brush her hair. There is safety in numbers. Depression and relapse would have to wait for a different excuse than my size. I am ready to hope again. Frances Kuffel is the author of Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight And Finding My Self (Broadway books, 2004). Her website is • Frances Kuffel • author of Passing For Thin - Home

HeatherO wrote: I have also been on a fruity yogurt kick lately. I like the Yoplait Whips or the Yoplait Light "Thick" yogurts. I like the different textures, there is plenty of calcium and not too many calories. Hey peeps! Heather, are you eating yogurt sweetened with aspartame, as most light/fat free yogurts are? I've been looking everywhere for non-fat yogurts sweetened without aspartame and can't find any....since preggos can't have aspartame, I've been eating regular lowfat yogurt, but at nearly 220 calories per cup, thats just hard on me. I am up about 5-7 lbs depending on the day I weigh. Not great for only 7 weeks, but I am TRULY getting hungry all the time now, so trying to make good choices. My cravings are similar to all of yours, mostly sweet stuff (powdered donuts, grapes, blueberries, yogurt and cereal) I think part of the weight gain is due to constipation and water retention...at least I hope so!

Alright Moni, you are killing me, really? 25-30 carbs, wow, that is impressive, I shoot for 60 and feel great if I make that. you have to share what your typical meal day looks like? I can't imagine. Especially because some days I try to do less meat, like I probably do vegetarian like 3 times a week, and those days of course the carbs are higher, many years of being a vegetarian, and even a vegan, and now I see that probably had something / well a lot to do with my constant weight gain. anyway I'm dying to hear if you are willing to share.

DebSom hello hello hello. We are going to be friends, let me be among the first to apply. We have a few things in common, Don't feel you're too old for this venture, I am 72, will be 73 on December 26th. CW323 down from a HW of 355, officially 5ft8in, still believe I am 5ft 11in, well I was before menopause collapsed my spine, which gives me BMI 47+. so we are pretty comperable in this undertaking. I am widowed for nearly 6 years, 3 children only 2 living, my son who lives with me and his older sister RD short for Rotten Daughter who speaks or interacts with me every solar eclipse or so. Every family has one, I guess I gave birth to mine. As an example I called her to tell her I was planning bariatric surgery, she immediately turned the conversation around to herself and her problems. I tried again,i called her by her first and middle names, now when my parents, her grandparents did that I ki,da shrivled inside, I knew it was tongue-lashing time, I said " Did you hear me? I am going to have bariatric major surgery in Columbus before summer? Her answer " Oh, whatever!" and this point I had it, I said"Whatever right back at you!" and hung up. I could have told her I was going to crouch over a buzz saw and expose my lady parts to the blade and got the same reaction. Sad, isn't it? My son on the other hand is super-supportive, much more than his late father would have heen, but alas there lays another story all together. What brought me to surgery? Well that it is multi-faceted. The latest was the 30 lb weight gain in one month. I had been seeking surgery since August 2015, just before I turned 70,when I realized I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Many of my high school classmates were dying I could feel my body starting to slow down in earnest and realized death might be in the cards for me as well. I have had arthritis since I was 25,2 knee replacements,every joint in my body hurting. Do I sit down,lie down and let the Angel of Death claim me as his own? No I came into this world, screaming at the top of my lungs and fighting mad. I won't leave without doing the same. The red(well strawberry blonde) head is natural and so,is the temper, I never will go gentle into that good night(sorry Dylan Thomas, I do apologize), In August 2015 I took myself to Columbus and applied for admission to a Bariatric Program, found out my,current insurance UHC would cover such a thing. Was doing everything requested, had completed 5 of the 6 mandated nutritional sessions when my job terminated in January 2016. Tried to Cobra my insurance over, it would have taken $700 of the 900 I would now receive from Social Security. Oh I still looked for another job, but who hires a 70 year old fat woman when there are young slender chicks-babies available? So with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes I just didn't return . Never did formally resign. Found out just this year, Medicare's requirements were much less stringent, I had completed all of theirs and could have had my surgery February 2016. I littered along trying to keep on losing weight, think I kept gaining the same 5 pounds. Early last fall I asked my PCP for some assistance. See I'm bright enough to know nutrition etc but I was getting nowhere but older. Dr Carroll, is a heck of a nice guy, he's in his mid40s, when I get peeved at him I call him Junior, but still pretty good doctor. He agreed to prescribe phenteramine, to aidmy diet endeavor & oh I tried, cut,my portions down gave up sodas, stopped eating carbs, are so much salad that i felt like a farm animal. Went back after a,month to be weighed, not only had I not lost weight, I gained 30 pounds. Had journeyed,my weight diet,is My Fitness Pal, so he said back to the Bariatric Surgeon with me. Although all body systems were reading normal or low normal, I was still a loaded time bomb at this age. So I humbled myself, went back to the Bariatric Surgeon and went,through the whole program again,including one extra one I hadn't done before Everything was done the third week of January, so I proceeded to wait 1st week,of February- it's in the,pile and hasn't been worked,2nd week- we found up,and are submitting it 3rd week- yes it's back, stop calling, we'll call you with a date. Everything looks fine? Well things are not as they seem. February 20th I received the call, the 3 surgeons,in the practice had themselves a little meeting and voted to a man, to decline my surgery. I'm going Whha What do you mean? Something screwy, the psychologist turned in to them a declined evaluation. This woman, in front of,my adult son told me I had passed everything perfectly and shook my hand, wishing me Well on my future surgery. My son even remarked as we left "Gee Mom I bet you're glad that is over, now we can move on" Her assessment now- I am psychologically and emotionally unfit and lack the,mental capacity to understand the risks of surgery. Geesh, why not say I stink too? Oh I refute it all, I have an IQ off the boards, have been eligible for MENSA from the get go, have no understanding? I have been mentoring "newbies" from the time I signed into BP, I not only understand it, I can explain it all. So I cried my eyes out for a few days, then my temper kicked in. How dare they try to siderail my plans? Was I going allow a piss-ant group like them to put me down? Sorry for the term but I was country-raised and we say that. At this point I may have stomped my feet like an enraged skunk but I resolved to move forward. They weren't the only game in town so I called the other 2 Center of Excellence programs in Columbus Ohio and booked time in their seminars. Went to one at Ohio STATE university hospital-Wexner Medical Center on March 9th,fulled out an application, a release of information, made sure all those credits would transfer, and returned home. Less than 5 business days OSU called me back, they were very interested in me, would I please come for a 2 hour psychological evaluation/consultation with their staff psychologist Dr Kramer on April 25th, 6 weeks away but I didn't care, I said YES YES YES. I had a wonderful exam with him, don't remember the last time anyone wanted to talk two hours to me. Not only did I pass but he gave me papers for the next steps. On May m I meet for what I call the trifecta appointment, I meet with my case manager, nurse practioner, and dietician- okay,i figured it for a Hi Nice,to meet You meeting, now I'm not so sure. There was another poster on here meeting with the same professions of people, she said it is her presurgical appointment, perhaps just perhaps it will be mine also? I'm,living now with this hope! Now you know most,of the Frust8 story, still want to be my friend? I do hope so, there aren't as many,of us well-ripened individuals as the young ones on here and I'd like a "peer" to talk to.😜 Also I will,be a RnY bypass when my surgery comes.

Denise, is your infection all sorted now? Do you feel any better? Sorry to hear about the insurance crap -- that is always a huge PITA. I'm totally sick to my stomach right now. My husband just texted me that he gained 7kg...by moving the scales from the bathroom where we always keep them, and weigh on a tile floor -- to the hallway where there are hardwood floors, and his weight was 7kg higher on the wood floor. I can't even think about this or I am going to FREAK THE EFF OUT. I'm already dealing with 10+ kg weight gain, what if it's more like 15, or 20??!? OMG. I'm in hell.

Do we need to send a message to Alex? He assured me in the past that it was private.I wasn't aware that there was a new ap and people are having issues. I need to commit to exercise because I am a nervous wreck without it. I can't take those SSRI's for depression and anxiety but I really need to . When I do cardio every day, my anxiety is better controlled. For the first few hours in the morning, I feel so nervous and anxious, it's very upsetting. Maybe they have come out with something new since i last tried. I know a lot of those medications cause weight gain, as well. Sheesh, why does life have to be so complicated? When you think about it, everyone in our group is stressed out. Florinda has the state bothering her, Dee is really down, Sheryl is out of sorts, Sheila is trying to get used to being a mom and working full time, I am a nervous wreck for no reason at all that I know of, etc. What has being overweight most of our lives done to us all mentally?

Thank you SO much!!! :mad: My anxiety is through the roof right now. Not only am I worried about my insurance approving this procedure, but I feel I can't talk to my doctor about it since he is reluctant to do the procedure due to the amount of weight I loss on my own. All I did was follow the diet the nutritionist gave me to a T and exercised like a maniac. I hardly thought I'd lose 20 pounds in 6 months (for insurance approval), so I tried really hard.... now I am stressing over it. So frustrating. I am working with my therapist on these issues too. It's nice to have the opinions of those who have actually been where I have been though(the dieting, weight gain, etc.). That's why I posted. I needed support of those who can relate to what I am going through-- 17 years of obesity. Thank you again!!! Now it's time for me to take some deep breaths and just see what happens. Amy

Hi Girls; Sorry, Ive b een MIA,, arrived home late last night... we are whooped!! Nice to sleep in our own little beds... Although I told Peter, I wanna switch our KING size back to a QUEEN! I liked cuddling closer up... like we had in the TRUCK camper.... it was cozzy Had such a nice visit with Linda and Mel.. sorry we got there too early to be able to stay for your Retirement Party on Tues... You will have FUN, FUN, FUN... Missing Andy's band too... sorry about thaty! We didn't end up in Shipshiwanna, we barreled straight across Michigan, and stopped in Sarnia to visit my Aunt and Uncle who we bought the truck from... They were excited to hear all about our travels. Then we stopped briefiy in London, On... were going to spend the night with friends there... but they had already made plans .... so we motored all the way home the resty of the weay... We ate our LAST RESTAURANT MEAL, enjoyed it... but now its back to bread and water ....LOL Weight gain, while away was not as bad as I had thought it would be... I was certain that I'd put on 10 lbs... but not even close... less than 2 lbs... YEAH... Protien shake today, coffee, tea and chicken legs and yams for supper... Karri, glad you are progressing to firmer foods, keep it up... you'll feel healthier in no time. WEll, gotta run and check my chicken. Love C

Actually, while exercise is good for you on many levels regardless of weight, you don't have to exercise to lose the weight or keep it off, as long as you stick with a very low carb diet. Bring the carbs up and you will have to exercise to combat them. Over 50, many of us find that our tolerance of carbs (in terms of weight gain) becomes worse as time goes on. 53 years old. 10 1/2 months out. Lost 95+ lbs total and 66 lbs post surgery with the sleeve. Been at goal 3 months. Had to take synthroid for thyroid before surgery, but now I am off of it. Normal thyroid after getting the weight off and changing how I eat for good.

I understand, my DH doesn't like intimacy, cuddling,or even kissing, or saying I LOVE YOU. I know we have been married almost 38 years, but in the last ten it has really began to bug me that he can't see my side. I love kissing, cuddling, holding hands. He just doesn't like to touch at all. We sleeping a king size bed and we never touch or spoon. Sex is almost never anymore, maybe every 6 or 8 weeks. I love sex and still want it more than he does. I understand the anger and the self doubt that goes with the rejection. I have told him that I will never ask for sex again it up to him, I'm tired of trying. When the kids were at home we had a very active sexual life, and I know that since the kids left home that I have put on the most weight around 100 lbs since the early ninetys. I also worked nights starting in 1993 and I know that has had a lot to do with the weight gain, but the rejection hurts the most. I retired last year and I'm home all the time, but the sex is almost never. I always wonder if this is the last time I will have sex. I not good at the self satifaction. Thanks for this thread it has made me aware that I'm not alone and its alot more common than I every thought it was.

Tom: I hate prednisone! I gain more weight on that drug! I have Lupus. I guess for me I've resigned my self to some weight gain when I'm on it, and then back to losing. I'm trying to think of is as a little blip in the game plan and then right back at it. And it sounds to me like you know all the right moves in the meantime....getting to work for distraction purposes, getting back to the gym even if, like me, it's harder to do it when you feel yucky. I too know about that stack of dishes....and you know it's a temporary thing. Maybe if you're off work again today, you can think of somewhere to go for part of the day to break the grazing...movie? library? My thoughts are with you. It's just temporary.....

Hi everyone, I've been reading up on this procedure and all the things everyone here has to say. I really want to do this. My BMI is 32, but I weight more than I ever have in my life...more than I did 9 months pregnant with my first child (21 years ago) and I've done every "diet" known to man. I've lost the weight, gained it back, plus 10-20 every time! I guess what I want to know is...is it worth the (self) paying to have this done and force myself to lose this weight (forever)? Should I try "one more time" to do this on my own? Any advice? Thanks.....and I really enjoy reading what's going on with everyone out there...Keep up the good work!!!!

Found this in my email from some site I am signed up to.. how smart women lose weight Sure it’s important to have a healthy diet plan to lose weight, but if that isn’t enough, then consider this strategic plan used by smart women. The first time Jenn set out to lose those 20 pounds, she gave up sugared sodas. The second time, she ate only protein. She fasted, overdosed on raw carrots and counted fat grams. All of the diet tips and healthy weight loss plans she tried worked, but only for a while. Sheer force of will didn't keep her from chowing down when the impulse struck; nor did it get her into the gym. Not until Jenn approached her excess weight the way a new CEO might a faltering business did her 20 extra pounds disappear for good. Here’s the problem-solving approach that Jenn used to successfully supplement her healthy diet plan. The technique Jenn used is a systematic problem-solving approach developed more than 50 years ago to improve industrial production. Called "quality improvement" or "systems thinking," it means you: look at your problem as part of a larger system find things that contribute to the problem experiment by changing the system in some small way After you've seen the result of your change, you alter the system again to incorporate the new change, then look for other causes of the problem. Then you experiment with the other solutions until the problem is solved. If your problem is too much weight, you can use this method to change the behaviors causing it. Farrokh Alemi, Ph.D., associate professor of health-care management at George Mason University School of Nursing in McLean, Va. and his colleagues have tested what they call continuous self-improvement on 400 people seeking personal change, including healthy weight loss and exercising more. Not only has it been successful in changing daily habits, the changes have been long lasting. Here's how it could work for you. Step 1: Look at the big picture Shift from seeing your weight problem in personal terms and instead see it as part of a larger system that includes your family needs, social life, work hours and whatever else affects your exercise and eating habits, including any ethnic-food preferences and peer pressures. Once you discover how many outside factors affect your healthy diet plan and exercise, you'll realize that losing weight with willpower alone is almost impossible. "Using willpower for self-improvement is like applying brute force," Alemi says. "Using a systems approach is applying intelligence." Step 2: Define the problem Before coming up with solutions, you need to identify the real problem, says Linda Norman, M.S.N., R.N., associate dean at the School of Nursing at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tenn., and one of Alemi's research colleagues. Say your favorite jeans are too tight. Instead of telling yourself you need to lose weight, Norman suggests you ask yourself a series of questions, such as "What's associated with the weight gain that's made my jeans tight?" (maybe the underlying problem is boredom at work or the pain of a bad relationship) and "What's contributing to my weight gain?" (maybe you don't make time for exercise, or you eat in response to stress and need to learn other stress-management techniques so you can successfully follow a healthy diet plan). "The more questions you ask," Norman says, "the closer you'll get to the root of the problem." "It also helps to 'frame' the problem positively," Alemi adds. "For example, you might look at weight gain as an opportunity to get fit." Finally, it's important to define the problem in a way that lets you monitor your progress and measure the outcome by how well you're dealing with the triggers that cause weight gain. Step 3: Brainstorm solutions Clearly defining the problem that is preventing you from achieving healthy weight loss will lead you to the solution. If you've stated the problem vaguely -- "I have to eat less" -- you've biased yourself toward dieting as a solution. But if you're specific -- "I need to change jobs or reduce my stress to protect my health" -- you'll probably think of several good answers to your problem, such as seeing a career counselor or starting a new exercise program. Write down every solution that comes to mind, then arrange the list according to priority, starting with the ones that contribute most to the problem or will have the greatest impact on the outcome. Step 4: Monitor your progress Make the first item on your list your first experiment. "Say the problem is that you're sedentary, and your first solution is to work out with a friend after work," says Duncan Neuhauser, Ph.D., a professor of health management at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine in Cleveland and another of Alemi's research colleagues. "You might experiment with using your noon hour to make exercise 'dates.' " After a few weeks, add up the number of times you exercised. If your first solution didn't work, try an evening exercise class or find a park where people walk or run after work. Win or lose, keep notes. "Measure your progress every day," Neuhauser says, "and put the results in chart or graph form. Visual aids are helpful." The data you gather will also make you aware of your normal variations. You may be more active on certain days of your menstrual cycle, for example, or you may always gain 2 pounds when you spend weekends with certain friends. "The data gathering is not just about keeping track of your weight," Norman says. "It's about tracking the process that affects your weight." Step 5: Identify barriers "There are going to be crises, external influences, times you have to eat Grandma's cookies," Neuhauser says. You'll have days when you can't exercise and days when you'll be tempted by holiday meals, and because you're tracking your progress, you'll be able to detect which events actually cause weight gain. "Overwhelming evidence from many areas, including substance-abuse research, shows that situations trigger relapses," Alemi says. "You need to find out which situations make you return to old habits." Once you're aware that working late makes you too tired to exercise, for example, you can test strategies for leaving work on time. If you blow your balanced healthy diet because you dine out with friends who always order too much, try hosting takeout at your house and make sure you order healthy foods. Step 6: Build a support team Some people lose weight with the help of a diet buddy, but for the best chance of success, you need the support of people whose decisions will affect your efforts. "When you make systemwide changes, your actions affect many people," Alemi says. "If you plan to lose weight by changing your food-shopping, cooking habits and strategy for a balanced healthy diet, then everyone at home will be affected. You're better off to engage them from the start." Start by educating these friends and family members about weight loss in general (including what lifestyle changes are necessary) and your goals in particular with regard to a healthy weight loss, then involve them in your daily experiments. "The whole group needs to agree to rely on the data," Alemie says. As results of your changes come in, including new, healthier habits, share them with the group. After all, when you finally do solve your weight problem, these people are the ones who will help you celebrate your success. They may even thank you for helping them, too.

Hi friends...quiet here today! COME BACK FRIENDS!!!!!! :thumbup: Suz-get well soon girlie! Jen-My doc visit was eye opening...gained 10 pounds since I was there a month ago. :smile2: Everyone...I am not going to post about my weight gain anymore....I will only report losses from now on. So, If you see me really quiet for a long period of time...kick my butt Michelle...Cari...Irene...Cindy...Kat...Laura...Shalee...and other friends .... HI THERE!!!

Good morning girlies~ A birthday party with 20 / 5 year olds... omg! lol I do not see how school teachers do it! I lots to do this morning trying to get the kids ready for school then to get myself ready for my dr appt. Wish me luck...pray he doesn't chunk a guilt trip on me for the weight gain Talk to you soon! XOXO

I was banded 2/9/09 my journey So far has been very depressing ever since I got my surgery I have had nothing but bad news in my life 2 deaths & now I got laid off my job last week. they gave me a exit date of 6/19/09 thinking they are doing me a favor but I know they just need me here to clean up. I've been very depressed I gained 5pd that week eating, yes I do eat less but I eat a lot all day, everytime I could which make me feel terrible getting me deeper into depression I know it's all a mental thing but it keep my mind off things, the fullness & the getting sick if I do over eat just stops me from thinking of what's going on and about what the hell I'm going to do. I'm actually in tears right now. I get to the point when I just want to give up.My life has been nothing but hell since the age of 26 I had a brain tumor in my pituitary gland that is what caused the weight gain,that cause my diabetes and so much more there was so many complications do to that. blindness for over 6 months but with surgery I got some sight back but I'm still legally blind out of one eye. Any way it took me 2yrs to recover & still trying to get my life right but it just ain't happening I think I'm done trying. I have one more doc appt on the 17th to get my third fill I will go to the appt but may not get the fill because what if it's to tight & need to get some let out my insurance will be termed by then and i could never afford to pay for it myself so i'm at a loss of what to do and the more i feel bad the more I want to just throw my hands in the air and say f_ck it I guess I will just feel miserable with myself and live this life as it is. Damn I just want something good to happen in my life one thing to make me smile & laugh not just fake it in front of family so they don't worry about me.they've done enough of that.. I thought this was a start but ended up making things worse at least for me. I don't know my next step. Sorry I may not have made any sense. that's nothing new. well I guess i vented enough. As you can see on my wieght chart I haven't lost much weight then people I see on thuis site. I haven't even updated the chart to the 5pds I gained it make my sad to have to do that.

You are awesome. The weight gain could be a combination of muscle gain and inflammation from using all those muscles that you have not been using for so long. Did you get yourself any kind of walking stick/hiking pole/cane? Not only will it help with balance but it will transfer the impact and strain of walking to your upper body muscles so your lower body muscles (and joints) will not get so fatigued. I noticed that even Walmart is selling the hiking poles now. They are right next to the tents in the sporting goods section. I am a firm believer in them. I don't hike without them. Keep up the great work. You are definitely my inspiration. I don't tell my wife much about what I read here on this forum but I have kept her up to date on this thread. It's a great story.

Karla - yep have them design one small though - and I have to figure a place to put it.. I have one on my ankle already - I just don't know where I would put it - Yes darlling you have to add a #7 to your turtle !!!!! Connie - it will be here before you know it.... Karla - that's the problem you didn't weigh in when you got back so you don't know how much you actually gained while away - so you don't know if you had a loss this week - since the scales are the same... So hiding your head in the sand didn't help - it just made things worse.. You have to deal with a gain - not getting on the scales after a bad weekend - is denial... Denial is what got us fat in the 1st place. So after a bad weekend of food you have to learn to deal with what the scales says - most of it's usually just water weight but depending on what you ate it can be real pounds - remember it take 3500 extra food to gain a pound.. And it could be when you got on the scales today - you are retaining water - scales are fickled things and our weight can vary from hour to hour by as much as a pound.. So after I scolded you for not weighing in after your weekend - you can't take that weight as an absoult but you do have to deal with what it said.. You need to start counting calories - you give us what you eat but not the calories - how is your restriction are you still to tight?? As for the July Challenge - I think that 1 lbs a week is a good starting point - as most of us #7 are 2 yrs out and we aren't going to lose quickly - and pple like Phyl will lose 3 -4 lbs in a week and not lose for the rest of the month - That's really up to you guys - Karri & I would be strickly maintance... Candice is gone for 15 days and I assume that she will have a bit of a weight gain as she is on vacation and food choice along with adult beverages And then at the end of the month we 5 of us are going to Canada - so again our mini vacations we won't the perfert banders - but again since we are all together it will be an all or none kind of thing - we will all choose to eat good - or bad which ever the case may be.. So I don't know how good a challenge would be - those of you who want to participate can - challenge each other - Maybe you and Steph can have a challenge - See me and my DD had challenges without even posting that we were - I wanted to keep up with her and she didn't want me to get a head of her - we talked about that when she was here - it was never a public challenge and never really spoken between us - it's just the way we were - one time I got a couple of lbs to her and that made her focuse to get the 10 lbs that she usually was infront of me :0) Cuz Gf we are food addicts - cuz everything we do with others centers around food - we don't want to feel deprived - it's a b to find the happy medium... You are even - so that's better than being up !!! I know you are not an exercise girl - but if you would I bet you would see a difference - just a suggestion - try it you may like it :0) and gf it's ok to be selfish !!!! I think it's a good thing... I do it all the time !!! Steph Happy that you are .7 lighter have a safe trip.. Well gang - napped yesterday afternoon - went to bed at 9 and up at six - have been on the computer ever since and it's almost 9.... It takes along time to reply to post..... My mentor thread which I didn't post to yesterday - had a poster on my Dr Bobby thread - the 50's thread - and here and then emails .. I still haven't gotten to my paper yet !!! Well today is nails and food shopping for the week - I need to get my butt in gear.... Weather report - next week we are suppose to hit 110 !!! For me anything below 105 is fine - but 110 is hot.... ok going to go get paper another cup of coffee CBL:wub:

AHHHHHHH!!! I was reading an article in O magazine today and it was on medications and do they cause you to gain weight? I am currently on six medications ( two more for the back ) and guess how many of my six cause weight gain????? Of all the medications I take, half of them cause weight gain. Four of them cause sleep disturbance. My band is definately doing it's job. As I whittle away and rehab and recovery on the back I find more and more things popping up. Needless to say, I'm stopping two of the medications and switching to Tylenol. I have an appt. with the doctor to review the other four. I am going to begin going off of one of them. The one for panic disorder. I'm changing the Effexor I take for depression because there is a viable option with lesser side effects. Something tells me once the meds are squared away I will give Dee a run for her weight loss money!!! (grins)

Boy oh boy - 9 pages to read to catch up! There has been a death in my Extended family - actually, she passed away 3:00 am last saturday morning which is why I didn't make the meeting. My Aunt is just a wreck behind it so I've been spending all my spare time with her. I'm in the same boat with alot of you - Rambo is doing his job but I'm not really doing mine - I do eat a lot less than if I didn't have the band but I can still eat the wrong food and I can still eat often. Sad part is I'm NOT hungry at all! Ever!! But my mouth has a mind of its own and just wants to taste everything! Heather: Happy belated girlfriend! Love that your mom did that for you. And since you opened that can of worms now you know you HAVE to sing for me! Missed you too TamTam: You never mentioned how it went in Tahoe - or maybe I just missed it?? How did it go? Coco - How ya feelin? That gas gone yet??? I have 2 black labs you can have - Bobo & Asia, I have two cats you can have - Cali & Bella - See how that would all work out - You can have the animals and the names you want and I can get some sleep at night JES: We need to hook up and do the damn thing! I too keep losing & gaining the same few lbs. Just can't seem to keep my mouth in check. I do so well during the days but in the evenings/nights I'm like a crack addict - gotta have my carbs. Ash - how's your son doing? Do the tubes bother him at all, can he feel them? Bridezilla was working the Monster Jam - did ya see her?? Congrats on the psyche date! TINA: I FORBID THIS GROUP TO BE SPLIT! DAMN IT! Us rookies could never make it thru without the guidence of the pro's. Sorry about all the struggles you're having with Kaiser and work. The fill recommendation list was informative - maybe we need to mail a copy to Robin. I don't agree with having to "earn" a fill. Kaiser absolutely can not take my band back - I have to allow them to do surgery on me for that and I won't do it! John - I know parting with some of the fav's are hard but don't you just feel so great now! You & Terminator have lost 10 inches in your waist?? Yee Ha! Maria - waiting to hear about that interview sister! Riley - I am so with you on the carbs - Do they have a shot or drug for that? Analynn - congrats my girlfriend! On the goal weight that is, not on your choice in men LOL. Proud of you for letting go of someone you loved - sometimes, love just isn't enough! Beverly: The port, for me, wasn't as bad as I thougt it would be - just felt like I had done way to many crunches at the gym - but it was an extended soreness - lasted about 8 weeks. Pammie: I agree with you about the after care & support. I feel that there should be a therapist that specializes in food addiction available. Reggie - Yes! We need to find the underlying causes of the weight gain. For me, I think its clear that I'm an addict. I am obsessed with food. Let me repeat this: I am NOT hungry at all! but yet & still I'm obsessing over food 24/7. No idea why or how to stop it but i am. I love Rambo because he will actually HALT me. He will refuse the food I put in him if I try to go overboard - I would love to know if the sleeve does that at all?? Girl with the band problem - so sorry I didn't write down your name!! Sounds like maybe you've slipped your band?? I don't really know what that feels like but what you are describing just sound off beat for the band!

Good morning ladies- I am cramping so bad :thumbup:. Still have not seen tom though. My cycle has been so screwy lately. Maybe the weight gain then the losing is throwing my body out of whack. I can not wait to hear about the concert Pamela went to. I'll bet it was so much fun! TracyinKS-how is the unfill so far? Terry-did you make an appt to get a fill before the holidays? Michelle-a closet alcoholic? :w00t: Have a fantastic day everyone :smile2: I will be moving around as little as possible. Maybe a heating pad will help.

In need of thoughts and prayers. My first knee replacement surgery is Tue. of next week. They took all the fluid out of my band about an hour ago :smile: I had lost another 5 lbs. in one week. Total of about 60 lbs. She said to expect weight gain right after surgery because of all the fluids they give you. She said I could gain up to 5 lbs. but will lose it quickly after I'm off the IV. Anyway, my band is empty! Oh No!!! I haven't been hungry at allllllllll. I wonder if this will turn my hungry switch back on. We shall see. I can get the fluid put back in two weeks. Wish me well and think of me!!! I am looking forward to improvement in my mobility. Love, Dottie

I guess I counted Monday, the day of surgery as Day 1 but really that should've been Day 0. Anyway - I weighed this morning at 268! I've lost 15 pounds in the first 6 days. I am still on liquids so I am attributing this to water weight and just the shock of my body going through the surgery. It makes me really wonder what the hell was I eating and how much was I really eating before surgery?! jeeeez. I admit that I am a restaurant lover. If I could, I would eat every meal out. I actually like cooking but hate the shopping, preparation and clean-up. If I could be a t.v. cook and have everyone do all of those other things for me I'd be sooo happy!! I could sweep in and prepare a fantastic, healthy meal for me and my family and walk out of the kitchen with the first bite! Ah if only! Anyway, I'm guessing that a lot of my recent weight gain came from 1. Not exercising 2. Eating out at restaurants or fast food places at least 5-6 times a week 3. Eating snacks late at night So because of this I'm trying to change those 3 things. The late night snacking I've gotten under control but that is mainly because it takes sooo little to fill me up. If I eat dinner around 6 or 7 pm I will usually have a sugar-free jello or pudding or popsicle around 9 or 10 pm and that's it. I drink water until I go to bed but I really want to learn to tame the night time eating. Today we went out to eat for the first time since my surgery. We were away from home and I had only had some crystal light with protein powder at about 9 am. By 2 pm I was feeling a little light headed. I could feel a teeny tiny bit of hunger but just barely. We met some friends at a phenomenal Mexican restaurant with a huge menu. The smells were amazing and I admit, for a moment, I was bummed I couldn't devour my usual basket of tortilla chips, salsa, 3-4 tortillas, 3-4 drinks plus my entree. I am supposed to be mainly on liquids until tomorrow so I ordered Caldo de Res, a vegetable/beef stew with broth. We were there with friends and 1 of my good friends knows I had the band and that I was planning on having plication. She was pretty amazed at how I was able to get around relatively well, considering. Anyway I really enjoyed sitting with friends and my family, enjoying their company. I sipped my broth and didn't feel weird or excluded or anything. I did take a bite or two of some super mashed, refried beans and a bite of the egg off a chili relleno, which were out-of-this-world!!! Other than that, I was pretty much on track. Everyone left complaining and holding their stomachs and I left pretty full myself but not miserable and stuffed (like usual). I'm so happy that things are going so well. I am still fairly sore and still take pain medicine at night before bed to help me sleep. I am planning on being off of work for another 4 more weeks as I have a very active profession so I'm hoping to fully recover before returning to work and to be able to start an exercise regimen. Take care, Jenn <a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wuVsfBP/"> <img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wuVsfBP/weight.png"></a>