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Okay, so I know that there are a billion threads on here about friendships/relationships changing after surgery, but I'm needing advice on this specific situation. **Keep in mind, nobody knows about my surgery except my husband and mom, so to the outside world, it appears that I've cut out all carbs, alcohol, sugar, etc... And I work out every day. If people have asked, I say I substitute Breakfast and sometimes dinner with Protein shakes. So here's the situation- This friend and I have been friends (best friends all through hs) since 3rd grade... About 20 years. She has always been anywhere from a size 2-6 and has been at a 6 for years. My point is, she's always been tall and skinny. For years, we lived several hours apart so we would only see each other maybe 4 times a year. Coincidentally, back in the fall, we both got promotions in the same week (different industries and companies) and ended up in the same state about 30 minutes away. Needless to say, we see each other about once a month. She is getting married in October and I'm a bridesmaid (as was she in my wedding 5 years ago). I had my surgery in December and have lost 65 lbs. I have gone from a size 22 down to a 14. Everybody, and I mean everyone from family to strangers that I have only met a few times have given me such wonderful compliments! Of course, my family, members of my sales team, friends, etc... know this has been a life long struggle of weight loss and gain, and while everything else in life is great (career,marriage,social life), the weight is always my insecurity. So, each time I have seen this friend, I've dropped 20 lbs, 20, and then the most recent 20 totally 60 lbs when I saw her a few weeks ago. Crickets. She has not once given me a compliment or even acknowledged that I have lost weight. She is one of the most OBSERVANT people I have ever met in my life. She notices every detail of an outfit if a complete stranger walks by. Yet, she says nothing to acknowledge my shrinking body. Now, I know I did not do this to seek approval from her, however I'm a very honest and blunt person and it absolutely kills me that I've given her every opportunity to acknowledge this change and NOTHING. Here's the kicker... Last week, we were texting and she was telling me how she had just seen one of her other friends and that friend had lost 10 lbs and looked so great! "Her arms were so tiny! She is so excited! Of course I told her how great she looked!" .... I about lost my mind!!! Well, this Wednesday, I have to go with her and her sister to shop for bridesmaid dresses... Maybe Wednesday isn't the appropriate time to say something, but I need advice, specific advice, on how to address this, what to say, when, etc... Help, people!!! I don't think I can stay quiet any longer!!!

AND the fact with othEr addictions you can live the rest of your life avoiding and not being tempted ( alcohol, smoking, drugs) survive and be just fine!! NOT the case with food-- you have to eat-- encounter the exposure If you will, to survive--- its a daily Mental screw job!!

Bypass -I only dumped once very early due to flavored meds. I sometimes get discomfort like a dull ache with too much sugar but No nausea/vomiting. I ate a half piece of pumpkin pie (so 1/16 of the pie) and didn’t dump. I’ve had a mini piece of Halloween candy, 1 cookie or 1-2 bites of regular ice cream and never did. Each time was only that 1 thing and I purposely ate protein with it so it wasn’t just sugar on an empty stomach. No alcohol trued as of yet and no plans to. I had GERD so felt for me the sleeve wasn’t an option.

I found the best way to get rid of the cravings was just to accept that, at least for me, certain carbs are like alcohol to an alcoholic. Once I limited my carbs to the low carb vegies and stopped using anything that had sugar, wheat or gluten in it, my cravings actually stopped. .

You could say... i am on a new health kick and have quit alcohol/sugar/carbs for a while... thats what i have been saying.. usually people leave you alone after trying to convince you to at least have one...

Can I just be clear, Look at my profile and check the posts and responses I make, they are all positive, uplifting, supportive and coming from a warm place. I come on to this forum to build people UP and share this experience with people going through a similar circumstance. Now I don't know if years after the surgery you become jaded, and a little bit sick of the same questions on this forum but this is new for us, we are learning to walk and find our feet again with this whole process. I will not tolerate this behaviour, vet or not it's bullying in my eyes. I was told by my doctor I could drink at 6 weeks, I have not deviated from my meal plans, I have lost 43 pounds in 7 weeks.. I'm doing something right. The original poster asked a question about alcohol consumption, I shared my personal experience and said that I haven't had any problems.. Everyone is different, but this is what a forum is about. What I will not tolerate is newbies posting a question or response and then fearing one of the vets will attempt to embarrass, humiliate, or ridicule them for being new to the process and inexperienced.. We all appreciate your personal journey, and your story.. But it's just that, YOUR story, there are ways to express your concerns without upsetting others. I'm here to support people and spread positivity, it's a shame I can't say the same for a lot of others. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Your stomach is smaller, and as soon as you drink any liquid it starts seeping into your small intestines. The smaller stomach and one that is empty most of the time, makes it faster for alcohol to hit your stomach. The burning is from your insides will being raw and swollen from surgery. Even once your throat doesn't hurt anymore after surgery, it is still a little battered. I took communion at Church a month out, not thinking about the wine and it burned so bad it almost brought tears to my eyes, and communion wine is watered down. I can't imagine drinking straight liquor.

I can't resist, but maybe it's because I haven't had enough newb outrage directed at me yet? Not even taking into consideration the fact that it can impact healing and might be bad to do just from an overall "you just had surgery" standpoint, to me, this is the equivalent of saying "Well, I just had a few cupcakes and only one glass of pure sugar, and I didn't get sick, so I'm fine!" Alcohol is empty, useless calories. You are not just risking your health, you are adding back in bad for you food/drink and risking your long term progress towards losing weight. Is this a habit that really needs to be reestablished so early? One of the big things that WLS allows is the time needed to kick out all of your former habits and learn to eat and drink healthier, because you can't hold nearly as much as before AND you lose the tolerances for fatty, sugary foods and experience low hunger for some time. If you're not willing to wipe the slate clean and restart during this short time this happens, well, your body may lose weight in the first 6 months to a year just due to the sleeve restriction and shock of low calorie eating in the early days, but it will eventually stall out and then regain if you eat and drink the same way you did before surgery. But I do agree: y'all doing all the drinking so early after surgery are adults, and if you're not willing to deny yourself things that you know aren't good for you even for a few months, that's your decision. Good luck with all that.

No but they usually do liver enzyme tests which would be out of wack if youre an alcoholic. I would be completely upfront about any issues with alcohol with my surgeon. If you have surgery (especially a bypass) and are frequently drinking alcohol you have pretty a high chance of ruining your life . Perforated mariginal ulcers are no joke and could result in a plethora of complications and future painful surgeries.

Weekends are the hardest for me. We don't go anywhere except the pool right now and that means snacks. I am sucking down water like a fish, I am trying to pack fresh fruit for snacks...but it's 101-105 out there and even my cooler isn't keepin' it cold. Then when we are home, we are so drained from the heat, nobody wants to cook so we usually end up with pizza. I say to myself, well I will just have one peice or I will make a quick iceburg salad. NEVER WORKS!! What's wrong with my brain. My answer: NOTHING!! It's an addiction. An alcoholic can't have just one drink, a drug addict can't take just one pill. I can't be around sweets and junkfood, pizza or a bowl of pasta without wanting to jump right in with a shovel. I am learning to chew my food more, savor the flavors and eat small meals throughout the day. I am doing it....most days. It's a process. I start my 2 week pre-op diet on July 2nd. Ewwww, that's cutting into 4th of July. My friend that knows I am doing this asked if I will cheat on that day. Hmmmm, will I? I want to say "no". I don't want to be negative about it. It's 4th of July, it's fun in the sun and fireworks...and BBQ's. I am mentally preparing myself now, I can have a turkey burger (i like those), load it with lettuce, tomatoes, mustard and pickles. Instead of potato salad I will make some coleslaw. I will make some crystal light mojito flavor, I will be the only one without a hangover...not a bad thing. So, here's to the weekend, the good food, the fun in the sun and the knowledge to know when enough is just enough.

I've heard that about the sugar alcohols.

Its certainly weird but logical I suppose. On my liquid diet stage now, found my best lunch is heating a couple of tablespoons of white wine (drives off the alcohol) adding a dash of worcestershire sauce and a cup or so of simple chicken stock, heat and serve. It can be fortified by adding a tablespoon or 2 of clear beef soup. Yummy, keeps me going fine :-)

You mean 14 of your friends died in one summer? I don't even have 14 friends, so I can't imagine losing even one of them. You probably did deal with it internally by eating for comfort. I spent my teens self-medicating. Back then, I thought I was just partying, but I was diagnosed with severe Anxiety Disorder in my 20s. That's when my doctors told me that all my drinking was self-medicating in social atmospheres because I had social phobia. I must have really wanted to change, because at 41, I'm all about socializing! I've hardly drank in the past decade until my port went south. Now I have to wonder if my old days are creeping back up on me, because suddenly I find myself thinking about cocktails every weekend. It's weird. Giving up the food makes me crave alcohol, I guess. I've never, ever had to fight the urge to drink booze. This is a brand new craving. Odd.

I can't drink anything with even the slightest bit of carbonation or I will be in MAJOR pain -- groaning, rolling on the floor pain -- from the gas. Really, it's that bad. So some of us do have problems with carbonation. I've found that the only thing I miss is that some of my favorite alcoholic drinks have Coke in them and I can't have them anymore. Since alcohol isn't exactly conducive to weight loss, that's probably not a bad thing. Otherwise I don't miss it at all -- there are plenty of other yummy things to drink. Lots of flavors of Crystal Lite. So if you're a bandster who hasn't tried carbonation since banding, proceed with caution.

There's no need for a new man. Like any addiction, there's so many people out there that just don't get it. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict ( 7 years this May). My mother in law just don't get it. Instead of making myself mad talking to her about addictions, I realize people are entitled to their opinion. Everyone else's feelings for me are none of my business. If I talk about recovery to those in AA, I am maintaining my own serenity. It's not up to anyone to provide me peace, but me. You have a slew of support right here. Just tell him that's his feeling and he had a ridge to his feeling. Then come on here and brag about that amazing weight loss. Sent from my Z983 using BariatricPal mobile app

I must be one of the long waits then after reading this. My process took from October of 2011 to now. My surgery is scheduled for this coming Tuesday finally! I think I am glad it took so long, I quit smoking 5 months ago, gave up any alcohol over a month ago and also stopped caffiene 3 weeks ago. If I had to do that all at once I would have been a basket case! Especially the cigarettes and coffee! It also gave me time to really research it and make sure it was what I really wanted. I have had plenty of time to back out but I am going for it! No looking back Lori

Weight Loss Surgery: The Easy Way Out? Are you frustrated with diet and exercise? Feel like it’s too much effort for little to no payoff? Is weight loss surgery something to consider? Probably not. Why? The qualifying criteria for surgery is strict; the lifestyle changes required are extreme, and after surgical healing is complete… a healthy, low calorie diet must be followed. And exercise? That doesn’t go away either. In fact, the recommendation is about an hour every day. Weight loss or bariatric surgery has become more common in the U.S. as surgical techniques and outcomes have improved and most insurance companies are covering it.As a bariatric dietitian, I see patients before, after and many years out from surgery. Sadly, there’s a common misconception that patients who choose to have surgery are taking the easy way out. Short story: going under the knife is copping out. I find this comment uninformed and hurtful. I have never seen a patient who hasn’t carefully considered the risks of surgery or what they will have to incorporate and eliminate from their lives afterward. Proactively choosing a surgical tool, when all other measures have failed, is a courageous example of taking personal responsibility for one’s health…not a stroll down Easy Street. Bariatric surgery is not for those with 10, 25 or even 50 lbs. to lose. Surgeons will only operate on patients with a body mass index or BMI that is 40 or greater. If a patient has a chronic disease as well as obesity, the qualifying BMI drops to 35 since the health urgency is even greater. When an individual meets the BMI minimum and has had no luck with a long series of diet and exercise plans-- weight loss surgery could be the tool helping them regain their health. Ironically, there’s a lot to gain from bariatric surgery but it comes with a high price. I always ask my patients considering surgery if they are prepared to do the following….permanently. · Never drink with meals again · Give up smoking, carbonated drinks and severely restrict if not outright eliminate, alcohol · Exercise an hour per day 6+ days per week · Take a minimum of 5 vitamin/mineral supplements throughout the day · Chew food at least twenty times per bite And there’s little margin for error. If patients push the limits of their new stomachs, they pay for it with intense physical pain including nausea and vomiting. The journey after weight loss surgery is exciting, scary, motivating and hard. As more weight is lost, confidence grows but new challenges appear. Relationships can be tested; self-esteem may soar or sink. It’s no surprise that support during this journey is essential. Research repeatedly shows patients receiving professional, non-judgmental support after surgery lose the most weight and keep it off. Since surgery is only step 1 in the weight management marathon, it’s clear to me, patients choosing this option aren’t slackers at all—more like superheroes.

I’m in the same boat I’m 2 years out in March and I’ve regained exactly how much I’m to scared to look lately but it was 5kgs a few months back drinking alcohol has been the biggest issue as I get drunk fast but I use to never drink prior to surgery now I do every night except the last week I’ve stopped I can also eat bread and chocolate and lollies I was sleeved and wish I had chosen RNY so I’d atleast get dumping and not continue to eat bad things I snack all the time and don’t exercise I’m miserable I Was self pay and cannot believe I’m having these issues now I was so good in the beginning so strict Please let me k ow how your going with your weight loss

@@Red_lips_and_confidence, You must be feeling pretty good and recovering pretty well post-op if you’re thinking ahead to when you can eat candy! I’m sure you have already thought about the calories and would only eat them in amounts that will fit into your diet. Others have already brought up the possibility of dumping syndrome. Everyone reacts differently to different foods, so you may or may not have a problem. If you do, you may at least be able to make it less severe by eating the candy – pure sugar – with something that slows digestion, like Protein and fiber. You could try with nuts, which have protein, fiber, and healthy fats that can slow digestion and maybe prevent dumping syndrome. You can also try sugar free candies, but they have sugar alcohols and can also give your stomach trouble.

So, I was reading another thread this morning on alcohol - a charming topic that has since delightfully devolved into communion wine in dixie cups - when someone brought up drinking coke with pop rocks and I nearly spit my Protein shake all over my computer screen. This is literally the conversation I had with my husband last night: Hubby: Hey, I found the pop rocks you gave me for Christmas. Can I still cash them in? (22 years of marriage and always looking for new romantic . . . adventures. Look it up.) Me: No. You know I don’t eat sugar anymore. I’m pretty sure I warned you that you had to use them before I had my surgery in January. Hubby: Dang. It was a three pack too. Are you sure I can’t cash them in anyway? Just without the pop rocks? Me: It’s not as much fun without the pop rocks. Hubby: sad puppy face Me: Fine. If you can find sugar free pop rocks, we’ll talk. Hubby: (not even FIVE MINUTES later) Good news! Amazon sells sugar-free pop rocks . . . in a 24 pack! Don’t worry. I would never subject my delicate pouch to pop rocks, even sugar-free. Poor Hubby got his hopes up for nothing. Stupid Amazon. Stupid pop rocks. Now I want a coke. Or communion wine in a dixie cup. Instead, I’ll drink my old lady juice: Water with added Fiber and Miralax. 125#s down today! I love my pouch!

Yeah he wasn't at all thrilled with the party untill we got into the presents. He was a good sport about it all. I just love that man. The beer is a gift from get this, an alcoholic friend of ours. Isn't that too funny.

I second Laura on these answers. Hot sauce OK but try it slowly. Straws ok, but try it slowly, some have trouble, I don't. Alcohol in small amounts ok, but watch the calories and wait a good long time after surgery or ask your dr. Carbonation I personally can't do anymore. Makes me ill after surgery. Search the threads on carbonation for more opinions. It does mess with the sleeve, but to what extent, who knows. It is generally considered a nono. Caffeine is another question you will have before long.

@@Kindle, How did I miss this post earlier this month? Thank you for the update on your progress. I always enjoy your posts. I am sorry for your losses in your brother and best friend. Perhaps the pain will lessen in time? But kudos on your NSV in not turning to alcohol and food to deal with the pain. I hope 2016 will be a good year for you.

I'm only a couple of weeks post-op, so I know I won't be drinking for awhile - but, I've read that many people warn against alcohol on here post-op. Apparently, the smaller stomach allows the alcohol to be processed much more quickly making you a "lightweight" - so go slow with whatever you choose! Pre-op, back in my wilder 20's, Diet Coke & rum was a fave of mine - Diet Coke mixes well with many different alcohols. Alcohol, by nature, is relatively packed with sugar. You'll be hard pressed to find one that's "good" for you. If you want some extra Vitamins, go with a screwdriver - Orange juice & Vodka. Pre-op for my LapBand removal, I was on a very strict low carb diet (no more than 50g/day). Prior to going to a St. Patrick's Day party at a bar with friends, I researched the carb counts of various beers - ultimately, I decided that even the low carb beers weren't worth my time. I think the lowest I found (that was carried at the bar) was somewhere around 17g carbs per bottle. Sorry, I'd rather expend my carbs on something I can EAT!

Skinny Cow heavenly crisp. My biggest downfall is the calorie and carb bomb that is alcohol. I love wine and margaritas, and aside from being a super cheap date, I know these things have zero nutritional value but still refuse to give them up. Sent from my SCH-I435 using the BariatricPal App