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Hi I am looking for the Band Buddy / Friend . I am 41 yo with plans of having a surgery February 2011 @ NYU Langone Group by Dr Fielding Going through all the normal feelings of - scared, excited, scared, exited... and on and on and on. I need the surgery to stop overeating. Choosing the right food is not my vice. But portion control IS. I am not married and dont have kids. Pretty easy going person with good sense of humor ( most of big people are - i think it is a self defense mechanism?) I dont smoke and dont drink. During the pre-surgery seminar doctore mentionned I might start after the surgery to replace food obsession with alcohol. I hope NOT lol. As you can guess by my nickname - I was 'made' in the USSR. In USA for over 20 years. Live in Woodbridge NJ and very often visit family in Shisheadbay Brooklyn. So if you are in the area and looking for BBF - let me know. Sincerely, Russian BANDit.

Hi, I am in the medical profession and also started with bulimia, but recovered and never required treatment. According to one of the DSM manual ( psychology book): Many people who are bulimic describe their feelings during binges as completely out of control, driven by a desperate desire to escape or numb out. While they might feel ugly, unworthy, hopeless, and helpless before and during a binge-purge episode, after, they might feel a mix of control, shame, relief, disgust, high, dizziness, exhaustion, and resolution. Part of the cycle often includes the promise that each incidence will be the last. These are the exact feelings that an alcoholic/addict feels. If a physician feels or knows you have a substance abuse problem, they will not do surgery, never mind if are have bulimia or anorexia. This would be life threatening to the individual in addition to being an unsuccesful surgery. Excessive vomiting can cause slippage of the lapband causing erosion of the stomach. Vomiting causes pressure in the stomach. The pressure exerted can cause the band to expand and contract, leading to erosion of the banding material. Treatment for this includes medications and surgery, in which recovery is longer than the initial insertion. Please, don't think about this or do this, until you totally have the bulimia under control with the help of a physician and couselor. It is going to take some time. This disease has a lot to do with psychological and physical changes. Preparing for and after receiving the lap band, is a big process both mentally and physically. I know. I am post operative day 16 and right now, have no vices to lean back on when I am stressed out. I don't drink, can't eat my comfort foods, can only walk at this time, and the gym is out. I am getting through it with the support of fellow banders.

Had my psych eval yesterday. I feel like I might of said to much about my personal history.. just family issues. I have no prior drug or alcohol issues. Do u think it could cause a delay at all. I already have been in therapy for a while now. When I asked the psychiatrist what he thinks after all was said and done. He said I did fine and I should be all set and he was gonna have to go over everything and if he had questions he would call. Was just wondering if anyone felt this way and what happened. Thanks!

I'm glad yours "saw the light"; I think it's going to take mine a little longer. We actually got into an argument about it tonight. In another post I mentioned how he brought home some pastries that I literally have cover to avoid the temptation and how he refuses to take them out of the house. I was dealing with it, but tonight he pushed it further: he asked me to cut him a piece of one of the loaves and I told him no. He got upset and said that he was doing me a favor (I asked him to take the recycling bin to the curb because the container is HEAVY) that I should do him one. He went and got it himself, but when I tried to talk to him about why I said no he got angry and threw his food away, telling me I should "know better" than to eat something that would "hurt me" He doesn't seem to get no, it's not going to HURT me, but it's WAY too soon for me to be eating anything like that and I don't want the temptation. If I could say no that easily to bad stuff, I wouldn't have gotten the surgery. I likened it to asking an alcoholic to go buy you beer when they're trying to quit. Yes, we should be able to say no, but why would you even challenge them like that? *sigh* You're probably right that he thinks he's helping but I've been through this before with him and I'm tired of it. He thinks saying "should you be eating that?" is helpful...I'm just so frustrated right now.

#1 you can't listen to anyone one here about fills - cuz for each of us it's totally diff - my doc won't tell me how much I have in my band cuz I can have 3 cc's in my band and be too tight and another person can have 5 and still not have restriction - it doesn't mattter the # of cc's in your band all that matters is that you have restriction and if you can't eat or drink without throwing up - That's telling you - that you do have restriction After my 2nd fill I lost 17 in 2 months - I told him I wanted fill cuz I could eat 1 whole enchillada - he said no... You lost the weight - its up to you to make good food choices - I went back a month later begging for one - he gave it to me - within the week I was back and all of that fill but .01 was taken out - I was so freaking tight I could barely drink - I lived that week on sliders - I will never again be that tight.. #2 what would you tell a friend of yours turned to alcohol or drugs during a personal crisis - would you co-sign their use of drugs or alcohol?? I seriously doubt that - so why are you co-signing your reason for eating.. That's your drug of choice... Deal with the issues - we all have them - I lost my baby bro who's 3 yrs younger than me 2 years ago.. Did I turn to food - Nope - would I have in the past - Yes - When both my parents died within 1 month of each other I gained 30 lbs. But I now understand that drowning your sorrow in food isn't the answer - just like if you were drowning them in drugs or alcohol.. We all make excuses as to why we can't do it - but that's all they are is excuses - If you were truly hungry - an apple would satisfy that hunger instead of a bowl of ice cream w/half a jar of choc on it.. Here's a suggestion - write down everything you eat - there are tons of sites on the internet - livestrong - daily plate - hell I kept a little 3 x 3 note book with me - I wrote down everything I ate & the pt grms and the calories - I did this for my till I got to goal (11 months 1 week) Losing weight is simple math - calories in vs calories burned Go back to the basic - eat off small plates/bowls - always eat pt 1st - tiny bites - eat slowly - chew chew chew - no drinking with meals - Losing weight with the band is still work - we have tons and tons of mental issues to deal with - we can't turn to food to mask our feelings of frustration - loneliness, anger & boredom.. When you have these feelings - get up do something to distract yourself - deal w/your emotions don't bury them with food - and when you are tempted to - say to yourself - would I smoke some crack right now so that I don't have to deal with these feelings - I bet the answer is no - equate food to your crack and maybe you will look at it differently - maybe you will see that it's killing you - it might be legal - but it's going to kill you if you don't get control of it.. Hope your doc can give you some help... The majority of our issues w/food are in our head - it takes a lot of work - you gotta look at the reasons that you over ate in the 1st place - you gotta learn new coping skills. It's so do-able - I was 52 when banded - had a life time of being obese - but the light bulb finally went off - I controlled all that junk I was eat - I chose to eat high fat - high sugar and sit on my butt 24/7 - that's why I got fat - It's what I did for me - after I took care of everyone else - Well I turned that around - I love me enough to want to live - I took that control and reverse it - I choose to eat healthy - I choose to go to the gym - I choose to have a life where I am not limited as to what I can or can't do cuz of my weight..' This Grandma now can zipline - scuba dive - parasail - take the stairs - play with her grandkids - the quality of my life has improved 1,000,000 % and girl friend I am no different than you - I have walked in your shoes the majority of my life - You just have to exercise your gray matter to make the changes needed to get healthy and you can do it...

Good Lord, I've been busy. And tired. It's nuts how busy I've been since I went sledding. Tomorrow I'm not going to teach and Jaimi is going to daycare because she has nursery school. So, it's going to be a quiet day here and I hope tomorrow morning I'm going to be able to add a long post. For now, the snow run was amazing. Brought Jeff on board for the cause. He says he would rather I concentrate on raising money for Pink Ribbon Riders and ditch Komen. There are thousands raising money for Komen. PRR has very few. I like his attitude. So, food there wasn't the best for Jeff. He ate too much and then drank a few too many drinks. I am pretty sure that he did not regain anything. Just water retention. He was so down on himself when he weighed. I felt really bad. I hope that I have convinced him that he's doing alright. I need to stay a little more on top of his water intake. I know he doesn't drink enough to rid him of all the toxins. Hopefully that will help. For me, I could have lost more, but I know that I had way too many Colorado Bulldogs. Diet soda but the alcohol and cream wasn't helpful. I'm on track though. I have lost 5 total and Jeff 10. When I put it that way he looked a little more positive. Tonight we went out for dinner. I ate Candice's favorite walleye and Jeff had crab legs. It was a great birthday dinner. So....more tomorrow. I'm so very tired. Have a great night.

Being in the medical field and also having had this done, this was my experience. First, I had to fill out a questionaire. The answers to these questions are reviewed by the pyschologist and he writes up his thoughts and what the literature supports as your strengths and weaknessess. Then he commented on the different parts of the test and what he saw as my strengths and weakness. Then he asked more open ended questions about my weaknesses. Mostly, he was looking to see if I have any additions (alcohol, drugs, food whatever), my coping skills, my percetions of certain situations, behaviors, what drives them and what I did to cope with them. The reason they do this is to insure that mentally, you are aware of what lifestyle changes you are going to have to make and your coping skills. Everyone wants to believe they are ready, but past history is what they are looking at. Bad behaviors tend to repeat themselves and multiple way of obtaining support is crutial. It is so different thinking that you are ready and actually going through it. My mind was made up to do this and I lost weight before with a strict diet and excercise for 4 years, so I know what sacrafices I had to make. Unfortunately, I had half my thyroid out causing me to gain weight, I virtually had no engery and slept most of the time. This is how my weight went got out of control. I am now 12 days post op and thought I was going to loose it yesterday. I am self employed, do not drink alcohol, can not eat can not exercise and had to deal with a stressful work situation. I did call my friend who does the same type of work and she help me work through it. Today, I got my staple out and can eat more. Unfortunatetly, I had a huge hiatal hernia and it is tight, so thick pureed foods is not good now. But, it just feels good to know I can eat more if I want to.

Ladies! How nice to come home from work and find your messages. I don't know how to reply all--so I'm going to hop in and out of conversations. This is addressed to all! It's amazing how losing mobility will have you "two-stepping" it into the surgeon's office. Mo Grandma, I'm impressed with your progress both with weight loss and getting to the gym! Like Mo.Grandma, I had my "moment of clarity" when I was at my son's house, and I couldn't carry the baby up the stairs. Well, I could barely get my own big self up the stairs. I've been plagued with a bad knee, sciatica, and back pain which my orthopedist promises will get better as I lose weight. I lost about 40 pounds a couple of years ago doing Atkins. I regained about 15 of those after my husband died, and I could see the path before me, as pounds would creep up unbidden. This Christmas I had a marathon eatathon and ate enough candy covered pretzels to gain 8 pounds over a long weekend. I just plain got tired of it. Now, having had the surgery and returned to work, I think I can see the biggest stumbling block. Like an alcoholic, food was my addiction. What am I going to do with the time I used to spend, planning, shopping, preparing, eating, and cleaning up after dinner? So, I'm collecting recipes and cutting down the proportions to 1/2 to 1 Cup per meal. What are you guys doing? Oh, my name is Nicki. I've got to get one of those cute ticker things to put at the bottom of my posts! Cute--geeze, I haven't felt cute in a hundred years!

Just stay away from carbonation and you will be fine with anything else. 2 months is plenty - it's not like alcohol is magically bad for your staples or something, it's just the empty calories they want you to steer clear of.

I maintained for 3 years before finding out I would have to unfill my band completely for an abdominal surgery. That scared the whatsit's out of me, I was positive I'd pack on the weight again. Now, I'd been ticking along nicely with maintaining with a band, basically, I ate whatever, whenever, to my heart's desire. Portion control was assured, the fact that I generally like and choose healthy foods was a given, but I had plenty of sugary or high fat stuff and a glass of wine a day in there too. I decided I'd better start practicing counting and logging calories and being VERY careful in preparation for what I hoped would only be a few weeks unfilled. What do you know, the weight started falling off! I lost 10lb very quickly and easily, which when you're already at a BMI of 21, is quite a lot of weight. So yes, anytime you get back on that bike, your band is in there willing to help you. But you have to do the hard stuff - the calorie counting, the saying no to high calorie foods, cutting back on the alcohol etc. Its a pain in the behind, but nobody can eat just whatever they want and lose weight, although with a band you can pretty easily do that and maintain.

Congrats on hubby's return! <3 Enjoy your time. As for the alcohol, I was told NO until I reached goal. So just be careful!

My surgeon said no alcohol for at least six months preferably a year. Carbonation I still can not do at almost 5 months out it hurts.

Hi there, my name is Michelle, from southeast MI. 44 years old, married, mother of a daughter who is a sophmore in college. I have thought about surgery a few times, but ultimately, the gastric bypass just scares me, too invasive to me it seems. I didn't know much about the LapBand, briefly talked to my primary about it, and he was not opposed to me looking into it. Bottom line, I weigh over 300 pounds, I am at my all time heaviest. I have GERD (acid reflux), aches and pains, just found out recently that I am borderline diabetic and had breast cancer 3 and a half years ago. I have probably lost 500 pounds in my lifetime, you lose 100, gain 110, etc. So, I have taken the first step, I went to a seminar, then made an appointment for a consultation 2/17. I don't look at it as a cop out, it is a tool. For Pete's sake, drug addicts and alcoholics go to rehab and they are treated better than overweight people (the last acceptable discrimination). Another thing that has motivated me is that a friend at work had the LapBand done in September, down about 40 pounds so far, a friend in Chicago had about a month ago, down 27 pounds. I have gotten nothing but positive feedback from both of them. Sure, you are sore for a few days, sure you get tired of the Protein shakes, but I am more tired of feeling like crap all the time, and huffing and puffing just walking to my car in the parking lot!! I too am self conscious about going out to eat, movies, etc, I see the looks I get. First and foremost I am doing this for my health, I have just had enough, and again, this is a tool, it is forced portion control, and if it helps then great!! It is so easy for people that don't have a weight problem to say, you can do it on your own, sure you can, I have before, but gained it back and then some!! So, listen to yourself, and if you need a tool, then so be it!!

Congrats! Without knowing, I don't know that I would chance it. I wouldn't want to ruin an important night by getting sick or having long lasting tummy issues....are you totally against drinking a non-alcoholic drink you are used to? Have fun whatever you decide!

It will be exactly a year in less than a month... My Starting weight was 394.6 in May of 09.. I went to my first surgery information conference and decided that the lap band was what I wanted. My mom had the bypass about 8 years earlier and even though she had great success with the Weight loss, She had so many health problems along the way. It scared me.. and My insurance only covered the band which made the decision between the two that much easier. In order to have the Band I had to lose about 55-60lbs on my own to reach the required BMI in order to have the surgery. So from May-Jan I worked my butt off and now that i looked at it.. it really didn't seem that hard.. I lost exactly that.. I lost 60 lbs.. ALL on my own.. hard work.. i felt amazing and all i kept thinking was just wait until the surgery.. i will put everything i have already done and learned and work with the band.. and everything will be amazing i will be a NEW person.. Imagining where and who i would be a year from them... and here i am a year later and i am at the same weight.. feeling like a failure... How did i do this to myself.. The Past year i started off by playing by the rules.. and lost weight the first few weeks a a nice pace.. and then... it started slowing down as i realized i could still eat foods i wanted depending if i ate the slow enough... and sometimes i would over eat.. feel the pain.. and then just wait and eat more later.. i did get down to 312.. but didn't stay there long.. I mantained in the 318-320's for about 7-8 months.. i just didn't seem to care enough.. or what.. something was so wrong with me.. i was always so stressed about when the next time i was going to go to the doctors to be judged ...(they were the nicest group of drs and nurses..No judging was going on at all) but that what i couldn't get out of my head. I starting gaining instead of loosing and I felt like i not only failed myself.. But i failed them. My place of employment has been going through a hard time and has cut back on hours which resulted in me not getting the hrs i needed to have insurance, and So now its the beginning of a new year i am exactly where i was when this began at 336 and i am no longer getting fills because i cannot afford it. I feel So lost.. and I feel like i am a failure.. i feel like i know what the right things to do are.. and I am completely missing so many steps.. like why is my will not as strong as others.. how are my Dreams to look beautiful in a wedding dress, HAVE a baby... Hike a mountain, ride rides at an amusement park and so many other things over take this addiction with food i have? How come i do not think i am important enough? I can blame it on the fact my mom relapsed into alcoholism, and started having seizures after her rehab.. or how my dads life feel apart and between the both they ended up in and out of the hospital one after another month s after months.. or that my boyfriend is the same size as me.. and has no ambition to better himself.. But really None of these things should have held me back or will hold me back... I have it in me.. i DID loose 60 lbs before the band.. and I can do it... I need to do it.. and I will do it... So me and one of my close friends have started back at the gym he is a great motivator.. and i am starting to feel good... now to follow the food rules and I will be back on track.. what a crazy ride this is.. I want to be a recovering Food addict... I no longer want to be a lost soul in the depths of the sick addiction of Food! Well ... here i go..

Hey there I am hoping ya'll can help me , I am 2 months post-op( down 34 pounds, YA MEEEEE) and doing GREAT. I have been very fortunate to not have any problems with eating or nausea or acid refux. My husband is coming home this weekend from Afghanistan and we are planning a "honeymoon weekend" downtown and I am wondering what alcohol drinks I will be able to drink. In the past I have always been a Miller Lite girl , but everything I have read said beer does not usually do well with the sleeve. So what about Captain and diet coke( again what about the soda issue) . I know we will be having a few drinks and I would much rather not have the "bad stomach" issues , so I would appreciate some ideas of what would be ok to drink. Another silly question, have you found that you get "drunk"faster after the sleeve,? I also dont want to get sloppy drunk early in the night. I obviously have not had a drink since I was sleeved. Thanks for your input. T

Oh you are so sweet. It's just been difficult dealing with that, as well as handling the stress of the upcoming surgery. Sometimes it feels like I'm looking into a mirror and seeing the worst parts of myself being lived out by her. I doubt that makes much sense, but that's how it feels. She called me last night sloppy drunk again. This time wanting to talk about how she's so excited to go to TJ with me so we can go out and have margaritas. Explained to her AGAIN that I won't be drinking...I'll be having surgery, and she's going to make sure that I'm okay. At this point I'm rethinking whether or not I want her to go. She's a wonderful nurse, and great when she isn't drinking; but I don't know if I can trust her to stay sober the entire time we're down there. That's awful. I feel like I've betrayed her just by typing those words onto the screen. I plan on getting into group for adult children of alcoholics, but right now the only time they meet in my city is Monday's, and I have class on Monday night. So I'll have to try and get there once I finish up this course. I'm in an accelerated program at my school (trying to knock out my last 5 classes before grad school!) and this class ends at the end of the month, so hopefully I'll be able to get in there soon! I did call and talk to my dad today. He's been pretty supportive of everything. I told him about being worried for her, and he feels the same way. He's been clean and sober for 15 years, after a particularly frightening incident when my siblings and I were children. I don't know how he does it being around her, but he's still on the wagon and going strong. Said he couldn't stand the thought of taking another drink and hurting the family any more than what he's already done. I'm just hoping he'll talk her into getting help before it gets worse.

I think you make some very valid points. There is a not too subtle message out there from many sources that says if we want to be a normal weight we must eat things we don't like and don't eat things we do. Do you think thin people think this way? No. My former nutritionist said there is only one purpose for eating - nutrition. Really? Food is an integral part of our social network. Have you ever been to any social or holiday gathering that didn't involve food? And what did they serve? Tofu? No. Food has a lot of tradition with different ethnic groups, too. And carbs have been demonized. The poor baked potato is the cause of our obesity? Obvioulsy making wrong food choices on a daily basis is wrong. But it doesn't make you a bad person for longing for your grandmother's banana bread or a big mac. And there is nothing wrong with having a bit of either once in a while. If a person's band is so tight that many or most foods are eliminated from your diet, then they should re-think about getting a slight unfill. And this is especially true if you are vomiting, have heartburn, reflux or pain. Those of us who are obese have been made to feel guilty about eating all our lives. Food is bad. I remember doing a mental mantra "Food is evil". Food is not evil. Thin people don't look at it that way. Maybe we should quit studying about what makes us obese and study what allows adults to remain thin all their lives. Do you observe thin people when you are out eating? Aren't they eating pizza, fried foods, etc.? They are where I go. But they probably do it once a week, not every day. We've got to stop demonizing food and our desire for things that taste good. It's okay to want to be able to eat all the stuff that tastes good. It's just not good to actually eat it on a regular basis. We can come up with a way to incorporate it into our lives without it causing a problem. Maybe some are like recovering alcoholics who can never have alcohol again, but I suspect most of us can handle the occasional cookie, piece of pizza, etc... without going overboard.

alcohol is pretty harsh on your stomach under the best of circumstances... your stomach is healing right now. Wait a bit... it's not worth the chance of damage for a glass. I'm 5 months out and did add wine to my "diet" about 2 months post op... just a glass or two, but I do avoid it for the week after a fill for those same reasons. My major alcohol bummer is Champagne... I heart it, and the carbonation means it's a big bad no now. Wine just makes me miss it more....

I was 11 days post-op when I had my first alcoholic beverage since surgery. It too was at a post-holiday party. I had a vodka-cranberry (hey-juice!). I had to watch everyone else digging in to NY Strip steaks while I sat & ate 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes....I decided I deserved to get SOME enjoyment out of the evening. I sipped it slow, 1 oz every 15 minutes just like I was supposed to have my beverages.. It tasted good & there were no problems. But, day 4 post-op, I don't think I would have tried it!

I am adding my two cents here. FF--get ready to raise your blood pressure again because you anger is RADIATING off the pages. Yes, your band did not work for you. We hear you. BUT you are allowing your less than satisfactory experience taint your view of others and that is simply not right. No one said you were in the wrong and no one commented on your experience. What people here were asking was more follow up to a post that said "my band does not work" but then offers no more details. Talk about dropping a load in the forum but with no information. So people asked follow up questions--there is nothing wrong with that. So, you jumped to the conclusion that people were picking on Swirl which is simply not the case. I too have to ask (because someone asked before) why do you stay? To continue to share your bad experience and be mean spirited in this forum? I get you want people to know the band does not work for everyone but truly folks--you are embarking on major surgery here with a doctor cutting open your intestines. You should know all the risks and the failure rate before you allow yourself to lay on the operating table. If people do their homework, they will find articles and statistics on the success and failure rate on this surgery. Second, if someone comes into this journey saying "I want cheeseburgers" and they want to eat cheesecake, cake, and Cookies but in limited portions, then they are setting themselves up for failure. There, I said it. NO LIFESTYLE CHANGE WILL WORK UNLESS THE PERSON REALLY WANTS TO CHANGE. That's like saying to an alcoholic "well I am apporaching soberity as I can have one drink a day instead of none". Or the drug addict can have one joint a day. NO--doesn't work that way. Addicition comes in many forms but overweight people are addicted to food. You can cure an addiction by saying "well I can have just a little" because a little is never enough. Sorry but that's just the truth. So, FF and Swirl, yes, the band doesn't work for some but for others it works but people self sabatoge themselves by saying it doesn't. So it didn't work for you. We get it. But for the majority of us, it has and enabled us to have totally differnt lives. Don't diss the people that have made the effort to get the most out of this journey. It's insulting and rude.

Jessica, your Dr. sounds like some of the extremely controlling rigid food Nazi's who took over OA around these parts. I do believe we use carbs to take the edge off our emotions; I certainly use carbs to medicate my ADHD. I used them so much I gained 80 extra lbs just so I could sit still and stay in one place. LOL. However, many carbs are low glycemic and fruits and veggies contain flavenoids and micronutrients that are very good for us, and even white potatoes have potassium (if not much else). Unlike alcoholics and drug addicts, we can't just eliminate food from our lives, not even carbs. Frankly, I can eat turkey, one mouthful after the other, until I'm "stuffed." And its not a carb. We do have to be vigilant because we are never "cured" of this disease. But with the help of the band, I can stay on top of it. Knowing my trigger foods I can stay away from them most of the time. And when my food is threatening to get out of control and the weight is coming back I go to the tool that helped me lose weight, which was several days of almost no carb eating followed by a few days of maintenance low carb eating. And guess what! Exercise takes the edge off our emotions and helps us deal with them. So is that something we shouldn't do in order to fully feel our emotions? Going to church and participating in activities and participating in a community are all supposed to help us stay positive and fight depression and live longer. So should we stop doing that in order to fully feel our feelings? Psychotropic(?) drugs have enabled many people to live much more meaningful lives rather than staying stuck in manic or depressive or paranoid or aggressive or obsessive thinking and feeling. So should we take everyone off those drugs so they can fully feel their feelings? Balderdash! (Great word isn't it?) Oprah has had every food, lifestyle, and feel your feelings guru on her show and emotes frequently in front of national audiences. She can pay people to manage her food and train her body. Guess what? She still has an eating disorder that keeps her fat. Let me tell you, most of those food nazi's in OA could have used a little more chocolate in their lives. Maybe they wouldn't have been so nasty. Nasty nazi's. LOL. Some of the most judgemental, controlling, paranoid people I've ever met. They weighed and measured and counted everything, carbs, calories, fat grams. They decided they were allergic to this and to that food and that everyone else must be too. And if you weren't doing things exactly like them then you weren't "sober." You had to have a food sponsor to whom you reported your food, preferably twice a day, and they frequently had spiritual sponsors and program (12 step) sponsors to help them work the steps. Balderdash! Anyway, your Dr. sounds like he's fallen amongst these theives of common sense and proponants of fuzzy logic. So, that's my rant for the day. LOL. Felt good. Cheri

First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this Brandy. Big hugs. I, too, come from a family of many alcoholics. I think that, frankly, you're wise to be a little concerned about yourself -- I'm always watching myself too. The reason being is that a new study came out showing that people with a family history of alcoholism had a tendency to be obese. It's not that surprising if you think about it -- alcohol is made from carbohydrates (grain, rice, sugar, etc.) and we get obese from carbohydrates. Two sides of the same coin. Now, I'm not saying that ALL people who are obese or suffered from obesity have to be concerned about addiction. But I do think that people who have had a family history of alcoholism do need to be aware of the potential of cross-addiction (going from food to something else). That said, I think because you're aware and concerned, you're less likely to fall into the cross-addiction trap -- for example, I just don't drink anymore. I rarely drank before I had the sleeve and now, from what I've read, it's just not worth it. (Get tipsy really fast and then the tipsy feeling subsides really quickly. ugh.) So that's my choice. And nowadays it's easier to just not drink. Again, I am sooo sorry this has happened to you and to your mom. It's not easy to see someone you love so much go through this. But realize it's not about you and you cannot fix it. I really really recommend that, if you haven't already, get involved in Al-Anon or Adult children of alcoholics or something that may appeal to you -- And lastly and I think most importantly, YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER. I hope you know this. Every person who grows up in an alcoholic family fears the worst about themselves (and when they get married, their spouse, their children, etc.). I've gone through it for years. And if you need someone to vent to, I'm here, there are so many people here on the board. We're happy to be shoulders, ears, whatever you need. Take care and big hugs -- Julie

Thanks Great And Cheri, It is so nice to have someone understand me. I was thinking the Flat affect might be me disassociating when I get around him. I feel really powerless around men expecially when they are controling. I feel like I have to choose between trusting him and trusting myself. I have learned to question myself alot because of the mental illness. My judgement can get clouded but I am relatively healthy right now and don't feel that is the case. His point of view makes sense to me but it also makes thing near impossible. He says carbs are an addiction for me. I use them to deal with my emotions and it's unhealthy. There fore I need to cut the carbs and develop a healthy way to deal with my emotions. Just as it is impossible for an alcoholic to control alcohol I cannot control the carbs and must abstain. I need to do some serious thinking about wether to continue with him or use the fill center. My first year is over now so I gotta decide which way to go. Either way my success is in MY hands I need to take the reigns.

So I just returned from a scary visit at my parents house. I went out to see my mom, and she's been on a four day drinking binge. She's had some depression issues since her RNY and chooses to self medicate with alcohol. My mom had a bad drinking problem when I was growing up, but got it under control by the time I graduated high school. She's maintained her weight well, but she's had some major issues since her RNY with regards to depression. I went out to visit her at 2 this afternoon. By the time I got there she was already half crocked, and had been drinking while taking her medicated cough syrup as she was diagnosed with bad bronchitis earlier this week. It was so bad today that she thought I was 17, and proceeded to lecture me about hating my boyfriend (I broke up with him almost 4 years ago). I explained to her repeatedly that I'm 22, in college, and married to a man who she adores. I'm so scared I'm going to turn into my mom. I know I'm predisposed to having an alcohol problem, and I'll be honest with you....there are days when I just get up and I want to drink. I never do of course, and I've never abused alcohol (I drink once a month--if that, and even then it's usually just a couple glasses of wine or a few beers); but still, sometimes the urge is there. This is probably irrational and I aware of that...I'm just so scared that I'm going to spin out of control. I can't exactly talk with my friends about this, because it's so humiliating to admit that she's back to her old ways. Just feeling a little lost this evening. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense.