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Just putting it out there I'm not some alcoholic that some of you are acting. I'm in college, practically every person drinks and goes to parties, it is just the lifestyle. I know I have a lifestyle of my own and I know what to do and what not to do. All I was asking is if anyone has consumed alcohol early on like that. I actually just spoke to my doctor and he said by that point I should be fine for a shot or two, but just to be careful. Seeeeesh

This is going to sound judgmental and condescending, but let me preface it by saying that my husband is the child of alcoholics. His mom is in assisted-living because of one too many drinking episodes, his aunt (who raised him) essentially died from alcohol poisoning. I also encounter the negative affects of drinking alcohol in my job, so yes, I'm very ANTI drinking. You've just made a HUGE decision to improve the quality of your life by having sleeve surgery, and you're thinking about how much it'll take to feel drunk at a graduation party? Did it occur to you that, while drinking, you might not make the same wise food choices that you otherwise would? As in, eat something that you shouldn't and create a sleeve leak? What about the EMPTY calories in alcohol? Did you want the sleeve to limit your food while you continue to drink your calories and kill brain cells? Look, I don't have a problem with social drinking. But drinking to get drunk...yeah, I do. Because it's when you're drunk that you can make a lot of poor decisions and some of those can be life-threatening. So why not go, instead, with the thought of enjoying your weight loss, eat mindfully, and just enjoy the party?

I have years of dieting, exercising, nutrition counseling, personal trainers, and diet pills to prove otherwise. First off I want to say, you know the truth and you wrote it in the sentence above. This decision is between you and your medical providers, not family members who don't know jack about surgery. - bowel control problems I have had no bowel control problems - vomiting I haven't thrown up once since surgery 2+ years ago - weakness it took me a couple weeks to get through post-op weakness. Since then I am stronger than ever. Come join me in my weight-lifting workout and judge for yourself whether weight loss causes weakness - hair loss this is a temporary, cosmetic issue and there are lots of ways to deal with it - depression because you cannot eat Of course you can eat! You just can't eat as much and if you are smart, you will change the sorts of things you eat on a usual basis. Food is still enjoyable, at least after you get through the first weeks of transition after surgery. If you are someone who uses food as an emotional crutch, I certainly recommend seeking therapy to go along with surgery, because yes, you will have to learn new coping and soothing mechanisms. - can you drink alcohol (if you do) I could if I wanted to, but I've never been a big drinker so this is moot for me. - problems with loose skin I have some loose skin, it doesn't cause me any problems that Spanx and somewhat modest clothing cannot solve. - visible scars I have no visible scars from vsg. My dermatologist had to get out her lighted magnifying glass to find them. Besides that, you can't go through life refusing to do things because you might get a scar. We all have scars. Are you going to decide not to have children because you might end up with a cesearian scar? - will it interfere with social life? Not unless your social life is centered on binge eating, in which case I would recommend re-evaluating and making some changes with respect to your social life, rather than forgoing surgery. - will it prevent me from being a mom one day No, it will help you be a mom. If you decide to get pregnant, losing weight makes it easier for you to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and safely deliver a healthy baby. Pregnancy only requires about an extra 300 calories per day for your fetus, and that is easily achieved even with a post-vsg stomach. If you decide to adopt, you can count on being a healthier and more active mom to your children. Seriously, research obesity and pregnancy and obesity and childbirth and you will see that losing weight is one of the very best things you can do on this front. - when can I return to work? (Not a strenuous job) Probably 1 - 3 weeks after surgery. Good luck!

I have done the alcohol thing but I do t think you guys understand how much there is lol. It’s gonna take days [emoji849] Thanks **I’m losing it**

I was concerned because you cant take asprin and only certain laxatives, so thought because the saliva woul goo down may affect. And i know alcohol is very concentrated on lapbanders thought maybe the stuff would be too cocentrated fom the patch . Pre band different, but post band concerned about.

I am 12 days po and I need a drink. My husband is annoying and although I am not really a drinker... the low sugar skinny margarita in the cabinet is looking very tempting. How long did u wait to have a drink?

So, Friday is it! Back to solid foods! These mushies are ridiculous. To find anything good and sensible in a mush, you have to be on Top Chef Masters. I have spent the last 2 weeks eating pureed soup (gross), ricotta bake (this is a must) and mashed potatoes. And my doctor keeps trying to get me to eat meat out of a can… meat out of a can! I'm not a cat!! I mean tuna is ok every once in a while, but not every day or you turn into Jeremy Piven and can't go to work due to mercury poisoning. Let's move on to the hiccups. I hiccup twice when I'm hungry and once when I'm full. Insane. I hiccupped walking down the booze aisle (which was also the bottled water aisle) at the market and this guy looked at me and I just shrugged and said, "I should really stop drinking during the day." How else am I going to explain these random hiccups? People are going to start thinking I'm a high functioning alcoholic! Now on to the nitty gritty. The weird slime that creeps up every once in a while. I haven't gotten anything stuck nor have I had any pain. It's just this weird little bits of slime I have to spit out (I'm not a spitter by nature, in fact it horrifies me). All that said, I'm looking forward to vegetables and salads again. It's been so long, I actually miss them. Just more lap band insanity. See you all on the other side! p.s. dirty little secret, during the mushie stage I ate frosting out of a can. Shame on me. But it was gooooood :-)

The link to my recent blog on Transfer Addictions

My surgery is scheduled for June 26th 2013 at 10:15am. I have contemplated lap band for over 2 years and just within the past year decided to do it. Sometimes I still think to myself "do I really need this? am I being crazy? I'm not THAT fat", but then I look in the mirror, look at the numbers on the scale or see someone in public looking at me funny and I realize that I am THAT fat and I need help. I had my first appointment with the surgeon on April 18th, 2013. Since then I have been eating like my life depends on it! Trying to get in everything I won't be eating after surgery. I know, I know, I'll be able to eat all the same things, just smaller portions (eventually), but I'm a food addict. Like an alcoholic can't have just one drink, I can't have just one bite. So for the last 2 months I've been eating like a glutton. I'm happy to say though, that over the last week I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to eat certain foods anymore. I've stopped the binge eating and am getting excited for my surgery. I've cut back my calories, started changing my eating habits by taking in more protein and not drinking when eating. I said goodbye to binge eating, my social and emotional crutch, the most damaging relationship I've ever been in, and we broke up. Like many break ups I know it will be hard, and there will be slip ups, but I'm ready to start a new life with a new love, me.

Similar fiasco with our wedding... But it wasn't my dad... My hubby's dad is a butt and we didn't even invite him to the wedding because he is a dead beat alcoholic and cares nothing for his family... BUT, that was my hubby's decision... I went with what HE wanted because it was HIS dad. I think your sister needs to do what SHE wants and screw what is PROPER and what everyone else thinks!

-pros and cons? Pro is I am loosing weight for the first time in my life. I have gained 5-10lbs a year since I was 22 or so. -what was your diet like in the begining and what is it like now? In the beginning I was on a liquid diet, then I progressed to mushies, and now I eat a low carb diet. I eat 5-6 meals of 1 cup or less. -how often do you exercise? I started exercising the day after surgery and havent missed a day since. -did you have any difficulties? Yes, the surgery was VERY painful for me. But I think that was a mixed blessing because I am very careful with my meals because of it. I wont overeat for fear of needing more surgery (slipped band/dialated pouch) -can you drink alcoholic beverages (not a big drinker, just curious)? Yes, I drink. No more than 2 drinks at a time and usually once a week. -did your insurance cover surgery, and if so what did you have to do for them to agree to cover the surgery? Yes, my insurance covered it. Out of pocket costs for me were around $750. But they charged my insurance over $200,000. This worries me because I am a long term employee and have known people who have exhausted their life time cap and been without insurance. -what has been the hardest part with having LAP-BAND®? It is unforgiving when you eat too fast, overeat or eat the wrong foods. And the "wrong foods" are not what we have learned from previous diets. A bag of cheetos will go down no hitch, but fiberous green beans gave me trouble. Also, there is a LOT of aftercare. Lots of visits and fills. Make sure you know who will be doing your fills and make sure you are VERY comfortable with them. I have had issues with my fill person I wont go into on the open forum. I love my surgeon, but his fill person, not so much. :frown:

Hi there, and thank you. I had complications due to my band destroying my stomach tissue. I had a leak, it was repaired, longer recovery, would do it all again, complications and all. ZERO REGRETS. I technically do not have any food issues. Scrambled eggs and pork chops sit like a brick in my sleeve. I don't particularly like scrambled eggs and we quit eating pork with the exception of ham on accasion so I'm not missing pork chops either. I did not, and do not drink with my meals regularly. I broke that habit with the band, and never really picked it back up. I don't miss it. The only time I really drink with my meal is if it's wine, and I'm not wasting alcohol. If I'm eating super spicy mexican or thai foods, I might take a few sips with my meal and it's just enough to wet my whistle. It's not drinking, it's taking a few tiny sips to quell the heat. I did accidentally take a drink early out too soon after eating, and it was immediate pain and discomfort. We don't have pouches. We have normal, fully functioning stomachs. Our stomachs do not stretch after surgery. Our stomachs are extremely swollen post-op, and need time to heal and become acclimated to food going in there again. Once you are off the post-op diet, and introducing new foods, with each passing week and month, you will be able to consume a bit more. I'm 13 months out today, and I can consume the same amount of food that I could 6-7 months ago. My surgeon believes my stomach is at maximum capacity. I can eat 3-5oz of dense Protein, and 6-8oz of mushy foods. If I eat 3oz of meat, I can fit a few bites of greens, or some veggies. If I eat 5oz, I'm topped out, and can not eat anymore. Chili, yogurt, thick Soups etc etc I can eat about 6-8 oz depending on the consistency. Also, if I take longer than 30 minutes to eat my meals, I can consume more. I lost half of my hair. Yes, half. I had extremely thick, full, volume filled hair pre-op. I started losing around 3.5 months, and it last a solid 3 months. I had new growth coming in before the shedding stopped. There is nothing to stop it, but you can do things to help the regrowth such as taking Biotin or using Folicure extra care shampoo (found online or at beauty supply stores). No amount of protein, Vitamins, will stop the loss. It's a mixture of surgery, trauma, dramatic dietary changes, it's temporary and hair grows back. I still experience zero physical hunger. But, I have cravings just like any other normal human being. Skinny b!tches have cravings for Thai food also LOL. I don't obsess over food. I eat on average 6 times a day. I eat about 1500-1800 calories per day, and eat anything and everything I want. I do not forbid any foods off my menu. I eat ice cream, cake, and Cookies, but everything is in moderation. Instead of eating an entire package of cookies, I eat 2-3. I eat 1/2 cup of ice cream etc etc. I eat white carbs, and refuse to deprive myself of any specific foods. It's what works for me. Not everyone can do it like this, and that's okay. It is the path I've chosen, and you'll find yours. I truly love the sleeve. It's given me a fabulous life, and I live it to the fullest. I enjoy a very balanced, healthy and nutrient filled diet every day. Thank you to everyone for your sweet comments, and I look forward to another year with my sleeve, and sharing it with y'all ! ! !

Please Help! Need suggestions. I feel like a recovering alcoholic living in a frat house! EVERYWHERE I turn there is food--and it's not sliced chicken and turkey. It's the high fat high sugar high carb variety! At work, at church, and with my college age daughter who likes to cook at home even AT HOME! I have convinced her not to cook anything so tempting that I don't need to eat but the other places have my spinning! I have eaten so much tonight that my stomach is burning and I am really concerned that I have seriously messed up. Plan to do clear liquids tomorrow and full liquids for the next couple of days but I am just so frustrated. Have skipped several parties simply because I didn't feel I could face the spread of food that I knew would be there....and deciding to avoid the buffet table isn't working! It seems like with the first bite of holiday sweets that went into my mouth triggered something in my brain and now I crave them! Suggestions anyone? Has anyone here experienced the burning sensation? __________________

1 more thing.... I do not believe at all that your first bit of alcohol consumption should be at a college grad party.... Uncontrolled environment with college kids just wanting a kick ass party for their accomplishments.... People no surgery have died at these types of things from alcohol poisoning... If you should vomit or be sick you might just party through it and is their any one really going to safely help you monitor yourself and reactions???

Amanda, I in no way made it sound like I thought you're an alcoholic. I even prefaced my post with explaining WHY I have such a strong bias against drinking. But no, not practically every person in college drinks. It's NOT a lifestyle and it shouldn't be.

I definitely reduced my alcohol intake during weight loss phase (maybe 5 or so the entire time, and not even full servings).

Wow!! Thank you all for taking time out to leave words of encouragement and tips! All of the advice is truly appreciated! Now, here's a little about my surgery and where I am today. I was extremely nervous Thursday morning, but as soon as the anesthesiologist came in and reassured me that I wouldn't be comatose post surgery, I was fine. They rolled me into the OR, but the only thing I can truly remember is holding a mask over my face and inhaling DEEPLY(thinking, "I don't wanna wake up in the middle of it"). The next thing I remember is waking up in my room(I cannot recall anything from recovery other than being slightly nauseated and having to sniff an alcohol prep pad). Upon waking up, all I wanted to do was walk and do things for myself. I began walking hourly and trying to do as much as possible to prevent so much stiffness.The nurses and even my doctors were impressed with my willingness to get up and move without instruction - I do attest that to reading a lot of forum comments about those who had walked right away and those who didn't. I'm telling ya, this is an amazing place for information! I tried getting my doctor to let me go home that evening, but he wanted to keep me over night just to make sure there was no leakage or other complications. I was released the next morning and am feeling pretty good. Now, aside from some slight discomfort at the suture sites, the only thing that has bothered me is what I believe to be gas or indigestion. I feel like its an air bubble in the middle of my chest that will take my breath away. Has anyone else felt this? Again, thank you all!!!! Btw, I lost 10lbs on my 2 wk pre-op diet and have lost 10lbs since Thurs!

I am a medical marijuana patient that is post op 3 months. I still get the munchies but it helps that it's a mental rather than physical feeling so I can usually get by with liquids. I have seen no change in my tolerance for marijuana though I have seen a change in tolerance for alcohol. I always smoke it. I can't do edibles since I had a rather unfortunate overdose that led to extreme vomiting. I generally have a puff or two to relax and maybe a couple of more to sleep. Typically I mix a high-cbd strain with a pinch of high THC strain 4 pain management. I recently tried dabbing and that knocked me on my butt. Though a dab of CBD meds works really well. HW 385 SW 359 CW 305 Sleeved 10/5/16

Same, except I'm 46, never have, have no desire to. But I also have no desire to judge. Some turn to the pharmaceutical world to relieve some issues, some turn to pot...they both have their positives and negatives I'm sure. But what I will say, most especially to the younger (under 30) crowd is this...in my experience, both in life and work (I'm a nurse), I've known people who were regular to heavy users of cannabis from a young age into middle age and past, whose minds are so messed up it's sad. There are diagnosed psychoses that stem from heavy and/or prolonged use. Is it personal to me? Yes, my oldest sister is one of them. Was smart as a whip growing up, started smoking in her teens, the only time she did not was at 30 when pregnant with her son. She's now 55 years old, and could barely think her way out of a paper bag. Having a conversation with her is painful. Some will argue pot isn't as dangerous as alcohol, or overindulging in food (in most of our cases), or whatever it is that floats your boat and seemingly makes life easier to get through, and I truly don't know. All I know is what I've witnessed from my sister, others I've known, and from patients, and say what you will now, that you remain productive, and you're totally in control of it, etc, but there is fallout just like any of the other choices. And I'm not talking about people who have gotten in to other "heavy" drugs, but strictly pot use. Before I get any hate, again, I have no dog in this fight... I believe fully in we all do what we do and so what. Like the post I referred to, I wish nothing but peace and blessings to all, but I've been following this post from the beginning, and had to get that off my chest. I do thank everyone for the honesty and bravery in their posts....it's been very enlightening. Sent from my SM-G928V using the BariatricPal App

Yup, definitely possible. You just need to wait until your doctor clears you for alcohol and then be aware that you may be affected by alcohol differently now. I enjoy a nice glass from time to time as a post op. one glass is usually enough for me in a sitting.

Those with the alcohol, sex and shoplifting proclivities aren't speaking up.. Unfortunately I know people who had the alcohol and sex addictions that developed after WLS. I've heard of the shoplifting just recently. But this is real, right?

Hey guys, I'm getting closer to this reality, and after a negative conversation with a family member I'm considering backing out on surgery. His concern is that I should be able to loose weight on my own. I have years of dieting, exercising, nutrition counseling, personal trainers, and diet pills to prove otherwise. I am 30 years old with a BMI of 36 and I have no children, but would like to one day. Here is a list of my fear/concern: - bowel control problems - vomiting - weakness - hair loss - depression because you cannot eat - can you drink alcohol (if you do) - problems with loose skin - visible scars - will it interfere with social life? - will it prevent me from being a mom one day - when can I return to work? (Not a strenuous job) Thank you in advance for any advice! This is such a big decision and I want it to be the right one!

Hi ya'll! I'm fresh off a 4 day weekend and wanted to get you the up to the minute Johnny news. C'mon, be honest.... how many of you just can't wait for your fanatical fat fix? I thought so. This blog is like an auto race. Most of the spectators just come for the crashes. At the very least, I am a cheap version of a reality show. Your own personal rendition of Biggest Loser. Or Survivor. Hey, I got an idea ... What if we combine both of those shows? Let's strand a bunch of fat asses in the middle of no where with no food and the potty mouthed TV chef Paula Dean. We'll call it Fattasy Island. My bet, 7 contestants arrive, only 5 leave. The other 2 will be enjoyed with a homemade tropical marinade. No doubt this will be a huge hit. On to the news. Last Monday I went for monthly follow up visit at the center for Fat-ass-i-ness. As reported last week, I officially hit the 50 pound loss point. Yippee! I have to tell you that I am starting to look and feel a little out of place in the waiting area. I am no longer the short, overly swelled man that enjoyed the extra comfort of the fat ass chairs. I am now just a short, plump man that looks like a little kid sitting in a big chair. Add the fact that I usually wear a suit and tie on Mondays. The waiting wobblers probably think I'm some kind of creepy sales person waiting to show Dr. X my new drugs. But sitting and waiting is part of my commitment. It is part of my rehab. Yup. Rehab. Because that's really what this is. Fataholic's Anonymous. My name is Johnny ... and I'm a fataholic. Anyone that reads this, and definitely anyone that tries this, must realize what a significant weight loss project really is. It's a full time commitment to food sobriety. Without full dedication to the cause, you are doomed to fail. "Just one Oreo" can be as catastrophic to a fataholic as "just one beer" to the alcoholic. That first step backwards can lead to a tumble. The end of the binge is just as devastating for both. Self consciousness, loss, shame, failure. All the same buzz words. The alcoholic may end his bender in a a tavern with a shot and a beer in the wee hours of the morning. The fataholic may end up in a corner with a jumbo bag of Dorito's and jar of salsa. Self inflicted wounds for both. The fataholic requires guidance just like his counterpart. We get all the information we need to succeed from our nutritionists, shrinks and doctors. But at the end of the day, it is still on you to watch and motivate yourself. You have to make constant decisions to succeed. Food is not only required to live,it is part of our culture. Think about it. Just about every social gathering includes food. A nice night out with your better half probably includes dinner. A business lunch includes food. Weddings, birthday parties, anniversaries, bar mitzvahs ... you name a social gathering and there will be food. And plenty of it. How about our addiction to Fat Ass TV? There are several channels that air nothing but food shows 24/7. Then you have Masterchef, Iron Chef,Top Chef and a myriad of other kitchen shows. There is a guy that drives around the country and pigs out at out of the way diners. There are guys that fix broken restaurants and a guy that spies on various eatery's employees. If has to do with food, there is a TV show about it. And these chefs / stars get paid humongous salaries for this! I'm really in the wrong business. It's easy to see how someone can lose sight of a healthy lifestyle and fall in to the grips of fatness in our country today. Once you get there, going back is b***h. It's a challenge every minute to stay on your selected program. It's a good thing I have my sober coaches to guide me ... good ol' Al C. Hall and his cousin Vinny Vino. See you soon.. Johnny PS I'm at a little plateau here. The weight loss is slowing down to around a pound per week. I'm going to have to change something up here next week

Sometimes I wonder what miscellaneous people see when they look at me. Are they disgusted by my appearence as much as I am lately? Like, admittedly, when I see someone fat (my size on upwards of 4 or 500lbs): I wonder if there sturggles w/food have been like mine, I wonder how they feel about themselves, and wonder if they are as uncomfortable as I have been (physically, in terms of knee/hip/foot pain, exhaustion, etc) But most of all, I wonder if they have ever reached the end of their rope w/their weight/health or if they are content with being that way. I ask, b/c I know that some folks enjoy being overweight (ie: the lady recenty who aiming at trying to be 1200 lbs or something so assinine) I’m not judging. And this is not intended to sound/read as such – I’m just curious about peoples lives…and if, like me, they too are just as fed up with being (so) fat & out of shape…but don’t know what to do about it. I know people probably look at me on the Metro when I’m about to take a seat next to them thinking “noooooooo, I don’t want that fat broad squeezing me into the seat!!”. I’m very aware of peoples reactions…and it hurts. I just wonder if it affects anyone like it has affected me. And further – at what point do you decide to do something about your health?? Being fat I could care lass about. IF I could be fat (morbidly obese is a less pretty term for the truth) AND healthy at this size…ok. But I think it’s physically impossible to be over a certain weight and not have any health issues (present & future) associated with it. Some folks are just riding down the river called denial. I know for me I wasn’t particularly in denial – its just that everything I tried never lasted long term, and I grew sick of feeling like crap about myself – especially over the past year. I don’t want to become one of those folks that acts (seems to act) like I’m so much more enlightened because I’ve decided to do something about my health – because that’s ALL this is about for me. But I wonder if people really know where they stand in terms of mortality. I’ll put it this way – there is NO food good enough, no alcoholic beverage tasty enough…for me to remain in my current state. I need help trying to shave some years off the death sentance I’ve given myself over the past 2 decades, and pray that the Insurance “Mayor” makes the LAP-BAND® surgery an easy pardon. I’m at my wits end. Add to it married life, motherhood, 9-5 job, jewelry biz…I’m damn near ready to throw myself (and a few other select ppl) off the Woodrow Wilson bridge. But its only a matter of time. Change come soon – I bring it! P.s. Need a unique and custom-made mother's day gift? I can help! http://ggxjewels.com/Parents_Pride_ZET1.php

Its been a while and stress at work more than anything has kept me from the very good routine I had started with visiting the site and posting to my blog, but better late than never... right? Well it will definitely have to be right in my case because my preliminary phases have been stretched out a little. This past Thursday I had my lab work, ultrasound and upper GI. I have to admit I was shocked by the speediness that I was able to get everything done and be out of the hospital. It was a truly effortless day. I am not scheduled to see the docs again until next month but I finally heard from the folks at the sleep study center and I have an appointment on the 26th. I have heard more than once it will not be a good night's sleep and I may have to do it twice. The 2nd appointment is 2 weeks after that first and then I have to see their doctor in early October. Since I was told the appointments for the nutrionist and psychologist does not occur until after those phases, in my mind I do not see myself getting a date (if its all approved..still have to keep my fingers crossed on that) until Thanksgiving or later. That actually might not be a bad idea..in fact, if possible I might even push for mid-December so I can recovery during the Xmas holidays with my family. As my title suggests, I consider the late dates to be a step back, but not like the other 2. First..the smoking thing..I would like to say I kicked it cold turkey but I have not:thumbdown:..still working on it. I have cut back to damn near nothing which is why it makes me angry when I actually smoke. I get the urge more for the "habit" reason than the physical need for nicotine since I actually went a whole day without one. It still makes me feel like crap if I have one, so the insanity of it just pisses me off. Like I said work has been a real source of stress and I took time off as a result and ended up totally falling off my wagon of small portions, good food choices and just being more active and I am SURE I have gained back at least 5 of the 8 lbs I lost. I can feel it. I feel horrible. I just lost my damn mind. I binged on all of my favorite things. Chinese food, fast food, wings, and alcohol meeting up with thin girlfriends for drinks. Horrible! And of course..like it goes..more I ate..more I got tired and less active. Yes, I am totally disgusted with myself! :thumbup: But today..is a new day..I am back in the right frame of mind. Because I understand it is truly all about how I think and IF I think about what I am doing. I simply have to get my focus back and remember my goal. I am also going to re-visit the discussion with my husband about the surgery because I certainly cannot go to the sleep study without telling him since he may be a little concerned and/or if he comes home from work and I am not in the bed. I am going to simply advise him that my point of discussion is not to get his permission or for him to agree but to give him the opportunity to go to an appointment with me and/or one of the upcoming information sessions I want to attend. I also want him to understand I would like to have his support, but with 2 supportive daughters than can help me with the physical and emotional issues that may arise, if I don't it will not deter me. It really is that simple. Please keep me in prayer.