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So the play we went to last night (Defending the Caveman) was absolutely hillarious. We were supposed to go to dessert with some friends afterwards but we were all too tired so we skipped it. However, since I didn't eat much for dinner so I could save up the calories we had to stop something to eat. I got a mushroom and tomato omelette from Denny's and only ate about 1/3 of it. Today I had part for breakfast and part for lunch. Then I decided to check and see how many calories there are. HOLY COW in the entire thing there was 725:scared2:. WHat in the hell do you do you put into an omelette to make it have 725 calories? So I decided that weighing 1 time per month was just not going to work for me. I need to make sure that I am not doing something wrong. I knew that I would be worrying the entire month that I was going to see a weight gain. At least if the scale goes up during 1 week you can quickly catch anything that is going wrong. However if you wait an entire month, that could be a few pounds. So I weighed and I was down another 1.5 pounds to 172.5.:biggrin2: Nothing much else to report here. I need to clean my house. It is terrible right now. The BF doesn't really care, but it is driving me nuts. THat is my task tomorrow!:wink_smile:

That's interesting that you both brought up Thyroid issues. I actually have a condition called Hoshimotos Thyroiditis which is basically a disease where my thyroid gets attacked by antibodies until the thyroid doesn't function at anymore. And they won't treat me for it unless they catch it when it's low. It's described as a lightbulb going out sometime it flickers on and off but eventually it goes off. Anyway all of the doctor's I've talked to seem to think that an underactive thyroid maybe causes 15 pounds weight gain at the most. I'm not sure I believe it but at the same time it never had any bearing as to whether I'd get the surgery or not. Regardless of my thyroid, I know that 4 pregnancies and eating too much are the culprits for my weight gain.The problem is is that I NEVER feel full and when I have tried to restrict portion sizes I feel like I'm starving, then I'm just cranky and mean, so I'm excited to finally have it done and feel full for once. My husband and my step mom have both had it done. My husband lost about 100 pounds in the first year. He hasn't lost much since but he's not good about getting his fiils, doesn't exercize and drinks soda and water with his meals. I know he would have lost more if he'd continued doing it. Anyway, Dr. Alldredge said that on average patients that he's seen lose about 50% percent of their extra weight. I decided that even if that was the case with me I'd be happy with that. Also, I think that if someone has an underactive thyroid and they think that it is the only reason they are overweight then I can see why they wouldn't get the surgery. But if someone also has clear food issues and it's possible thats the main reason that they are overweight then I don't see how having a low thyroid would make a difference. Anyway, thanks for your responses. It's great to see the progress you are all making!

Hi Sue40, My Dr required a loss of 9% of the weight to be lost (for example, if you are 200 pounds and they want you to be 135 that would be 9% of 65 pounds). Sorry if I'm not coming across clearly I might be half asleep here. She even indicated that if we didn't lose the weight that the surgery might be canceled. I didn't lose the weight (in fact, i gained 7 pounds!) and I'm still on for this tuesday the 19th. My weight gain wasn't even mentioned at the PreOp meeting!

We were about a year out -- might've been sooner, but it took me almost 9 months to get pregnant. My surgeon never mentioned a specific wait-time for pregnancy. In fact, I was told I could have the band even if I was planning on getting pregnant right away because it would help with weight gain during the pregnancy.

It has been a while since my last post and it’s because I have been kind of having a hard time with my band. It’s all the same old thing, I can eat as much as the bad stuff as I could possibly want and could only eat small portions of the healthy stuff. I know I have put some weight back on. I don’t know how much because I am so freaked out of what the scale reads, so I just won’t even get on that thing. My pants sizes are staying the same and I still feel good, but I can see some more belly fat around the love handle area. I am pretty sure I need another fill but I am kind of embarrassed to go in there because of the weight gain. I guess I need to get over all that and just go in there. On another note I have a girl question for you all. I have always been kind of a shy guy and the when I meet girls it always been when a friend introduces me or I meet them at a party or something along those lines. As far as seeing a girl at the store or doc office and going up to them and asking them out, I have never really done that. My problem is I really want to take this girl out at my orthodontist office (yes I am 26 years old with braces) and I don’t really know the best approach to ask her. She is pretty out going, friendly, funny, smart, and it seems like we have some stuff in common. It kind of sucks, all the qualities I see in her that I like, is the same reasons why I am intimated by her. I know I am not all that bad looking and I like to think of myself as a fun person to be around, I just still lack the confidence even after losing 120lbs. Anyhow I just kind of wanted to get everyone’s take on this. Any good tips on how to raise the confidence level?

Bombero here...I am 50 banded on 1/31/08 had lost 22 lbs my first dr. visit...and am down another 4 as of today for a total of 26. Years of beer drinking payed a big part of my weight gain...that is behind me now and am looking forward to a healthier life style and a lot more weight loss...

Couple of things! Thank God I found a cooker! My BF loves to cook, (now if only I could train him on healthy things!). Sometimes we fight about who gets to cook dinner. One of the many things that I will miss when he goes to night shift. However, there are certainly a few qualities that I am not going to miss!! I eat pizza every once in a while, but just 1 piece. It is funny (though not a license to eat pizza daily) but every single time I have eaten pizza I have dropped at least 1/2 pound the next day. I will get to the suspected reasoning behind that later in the post. Stay tuned for a science lesson. As for your lunch. The reason you may be starving is that all of that food is on the mushie side. For me the only way that I can stay full is to eat very solid food. I had a chicken burger for lunch with some peas and that kept me from 10:30 until 2:30 before I was starving again. Now I just had some of my chicken and three bean chili and it will last me until dinner around 6. I have given up yogurt and cottage cheese because 20 minutes later I am hungry (no matter how tight my fill!) Yep and I finally have a mom that I can honor! So how do I get up. Shear determination. I needed to get my lists together for my students so they know if they are failing or not and I was motivated because if they have not met the standard then I get to make them have lunch detention. It was a good reason to get up! And yes I am crazy. I don't usually have a problem getting up early, as long as I can go to bed early. Alright here is my best impression of a biochemist! WARNING THIS IS HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC:thumbup:, BUT YOU MIGHT GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT! I got some help from a biology teacher. For anyone reading that has a degree in biochemistry and can add to this please feel free. This is just what we came up with in the 20 minutes we were talking! 1. There are 3600 calories in 1 pound of fat. Calories are not something that you can touch. It is the energy stored in the food. To be more specific it is stored in the bonds that hold the chemicals in the food together (carbohydrates, fats, proteins). 2. When you eat the food the body has special chemicals (called enzymes) that exist in your cells that can break apart the different nutrients that we eat. Those enzymes are like little kids playing with legos. They take apart one structure and build something else. In the process of breaking down the nutrients that we eat, energy is released. That energy helps fuel other chemicals whose job it is to transfer then energy to where it is needed. One of the places that it can take it is to the storage chemicals. There job is to take the energy and some of the parts of the nutrients that we eat and make fat molecules to store for future energy needs. 3. When we exercise our body has three places that it can pull the energy from to keep our muscles going. The first two places run out of stored energy VERY quickly (like in just a few seconds). Then our body starts burning the fat stored in our bodies. Just like those enzymes we talked about earlier break down the fat in our food, they can break down the fat in our bodies. Only this time the energy goes to help repair our muscles or to heat up our bodies or to make sweat! The biggest part however goes to fixing our muscles. 4. When we exercise we cause little tears in our muscles (its a good thing) and our body needs to use some of the broken down nutrients to fix them. So here is why I think that we hold onto weight a when we exercise so hard for several days in a row. First, our body feels the need to replenish some of the fat that it burned that allowed us to workout. Just like everything in biology the system (our body) likes to stay the same. So our bodies think that they have lost something that is necessary and keeps trying to replenish it (our fat molecules do not look at the number on the scale and do not look in the mirror:lol:). Also, when we keep exercising so hard our muscles keep getting torn (very small tears) and so the body is not as efficient at keeping up with fixing them. When we take a day or two off, the body goes into full fledged repair mode and it takes a lot of calories to completly repair those muscle tissues. Therefore during the days that we stop exercising our bodies are still working and using up those excess nutrients at the same time that the body has STOPPED storing the fat. Hence we see a weight loss. 5. Okay are you going to gain 1 pound if you eat a pound of food? Yes and no. If you were to drink a gallong of water and not go to the bathroom but step on the scale you would see an 8 pound weight gain. But that would be the same if you just held the water in your hand and stepped on the scale. But that weight would NOT be fat weight which is what we are concerned about. Once you go potty the extra weight of the water would go away. However, if you did eat 3600 calories worth of food you would gain 1 pound of fat, because your ezymes (the little lego building chemicals) would have enough energy to build 1 pound worth of fat. :mad: 6. Now if you don't eat enough calories your body does think that it is going to starve (not get enough energy to make more nutrients). You will not lose fat because it will take the energy to build them in case for some reason you have to stop eating all together. This is why you could live for 3 weeks without food, but only 3 days without water. But did you know this? If you did not eat for 2 weeks, your body would not break down as much fat as it would muscle. Protein (what your muscle is made of) is easier to break apart than fat is. Plus your body is trained to STORE fat for future energy use, so why would it take it apart, when it worked so hard to put it there in the first place! Alright my head is going to explode and I need to get to the gym, so I had best sign off. I hope I didn't overload anyone. I am not responsible for painful memories of school, science class, or any other adolescent memories!

My stats are almost identical to yours, only I'm STARVING. I'm scheduled for a fill tomorrow and it can't come fast enough for me. Having said that, I've stayed really close to the same diet as you and I also am only losing 1-2 pounds a week. This past week, I cheated once, went to Carlos Okelly's, had some drinks and chips and small dinner. It took me all week to get that weight gain back off, so for this week, I was ZERO pounds lost. :cursing: Hopefully I won't do that again any time soon. Sounds like you're doiing everything right, but I would'nt cancel that fill too soon. I noticed this past week I got hungrier and hungrier, so you may decide it would benefit you after all.

Janet -- the pizza. I didn't eat the whole thing. I had the little pieces of sausage, ham, hamburger, and the cheese. I chewed and chewed and it took me over a half hour to eat the top of a piece of pizza. I had a little bit of crushed but it didn't sit well so one bite was enough. I guess I've been eating the top of pizza for quite a while and I don't think of what others will imagine when I say I ate pizza. Karri -- I'm so sorry that you were crazy busy today. I would be comatose by now if I had been at work at 4:30. And you went to the gym. Now I really feel like I should have walked tonight. What's a little bump on the head when you've been going for 15 hours. Super super you. Phyl-- I know that if I had weighed in after noon I would have a weight gain. A HUGE weight gain. I would not feel bad about that. Next week if you weigh at the same time you'll be able to see a difference. If you are still seeing the same weight in the morning that you always have, I wouldn't take that weight gain as gospel. I say NO WAY!! Also if it is hotter you may be drinking things with more salt. I know it is a huge craving when I am overheated. On the plus side....I'm freezing so being warm right now sounds pretty good. I'm sitting here watching the biggest loser. I recorded it so now I can skip all the stupid commercial. There were some great things about the mental issues this week. I need to really think about this mental stuff. I need to start really thinking about it and making it a bigger priority. Good night all. See you all tomorrow.

People think being tight is the answer. I think one reason is because we are so desperate to succeed, not fail and we want it now. While I long for restriction ( I haven't reached it yet) the answer is not being so tight that solid food doesn't go down. You will then just eat "slider" food that goes down easily, won't stay in your pouch long enough and you'll be hungry again sooner. Eventually being too tight, IMO, will lead to weight gain. I believe that instead we must use the time to listen to our bodies and learn the signals our newly banded stomachs give us about being full. We won't have the "old lower belly" fullness we used to have. I am not opposed to a low calorie liquid day or two to jump start weight loss, but eating that way long term should not be the goal. My goal is to be able to eat salad, apples, chicken and other Healthy food that will keep me and my pouch satsified. At two 1/2 months post op, maybe I am still just nieve (sp?) but this is how I see restriction at this time.

Wow, it sure sounds like I have something to look forward to! I went up a whole size in my weight gain, but because I loved my smaller shoes, I KEPT them!! Wha-hoo!! :smile:

Bandster, keep your chin up! Everyone loses at different rates. I had to up my water intake and cut out sodium because the water weight was a drag. The scale showed a 5 lb weight gain just last week. But as soon as I made those changes, the scaled moved in the right direction. Make sure you are following the band recommended foods, drink plenty of water and get into an exercise routine that you can stick with. Start slow if you have to and increase it when you can. Just make sure it is something you can live with. Talk to your Dr. about your restriction level. Good luck!

I started my day as usual.. running like a loon cuz I cant scrape myself from the warm, cozy bed but thats besides the point... I made my 2 scambled eggs w/my hunk of mozzarella cheese on the side. Thank god for the dog.. I could NOT finish my eggs :eek:. I had my beloved protein shake at my 930 break. It hit me like a ton of bricks.. I was FULL. Lunch was half of a turkey on wheat wrap... I made it with more lettuce than anything. I also had a yogurt. can we say FULL. At my 230 break I had my other protein shake and felt... whats the word I am looking for... FULL. I came home from work and finished my salad (leftover from yesterday) and I am FULL.:biggrin2: Full is not something I have felt before. Not without a lot of food being involved. I am so flippin excited about this whole fill thing. It almost motivated me to get off my ass and use my treadmill. I said ALMOST. Instead I am being a mouse-potato and comtemplating a long hot bath since I now have clearance to take one. I do have one side effect of the fill though. :wink2: I'm burping like a mo-fo. In the fat-club meetings, they said gas and burping repeatedly but in my first 5 weeks, I had nearly none of that stuff. Today..BURP. Every few minutes... BURP. While it doesnt bother me so much, I have very stuffy coworkers that are not so amused (BURP). Hell, atleast I wasnt farting. I am FINALLY starting to feel as if this has all been worth it and my mood is obviously improving a bit. I still hate my coworkers (most of them) but now I am starting to like myself just a smidge anyway.:thumbup: I am going to take the long awaited HOT bath and I am going to stay in there til I run out of hot water and wrinkle like a prune. OOOOOO. I almost forgot to mention that I went down a size in undies. I can almost buy hanes-her-way in a color other than white. Whoo-freakin-whooo. I have been so looking forward to the day I get to buy some pink panties!!!! Hell, in a few more months, I might be back to wearing thongs. I gave up thongs years ago after my enormous weight gain. While they were still comfy.. I couldnt bear to see the fat girl in thongs. Not attractive. Walmart has/had tummy control thongs. SERIOUSLY. why bother controlling the tummy when the booty is jiggling uncontrollably???

I started my day as usual.. running like a loon cuz I cant scrape myself from the warm, cozy bed but thats besides the point... I made my 2 scambled eggs w/my hunk of mozzarella cheese on the side. Thank god for the dog.. I could NOT finish my eggs :scared2:. I had my beloved protein shake at my 930 break. It hit me like a ton of bricks.. I was FULL. Lunch was half of a turkey on wheat wrap... I made it with more lettuce than anything. I also had a yogurt. can we say FULL. At my 230 break I had my other protein shake and felt... whats the word I am looking for... FULL. I came home from work and finished my salad (leftover from yesterday) and I am FULL.:biggrin2: Full is not something I have felt before. Not without a lot of food being involved. I am so flippin excited about this whole fill thing. It almost motivated me to get off my ass and use my treadmill. I said ALMOST. Instead I am being a mouse-potato and comtemplating a long hot bath since I now have clearance to take one. I do have one side effect of the fill though. I'm burping like a mo-fo. In the fat-club meetings, they said gas and burping repeatedly but in my first 5 weeks, I had nearly none of that stuff. Today..BURP. Every few minutes... BURP. While it doesnt bother me so much, I have very stuffy coworkers that are not so amused (BURP). Hell, atleast I wasnt farting. I am FINALLY starting to feel as if this has all been worth it and my mood is obviously improving a bit. I still hate my coworkers (most of them) but now I am starting to like myself just a smidge anyway. I am going to take the long awaited HOT bath and I am going to stay in there til I run out of hot water and wrinkle like a prune. OOOOOO. I almost forgot to mention that I went down a size in undies. I can almost buy hanes-her-way in a color other than white. Whoo-freakin-whooo. I have been so looking forward to the day I get to buy some pink panties!!!! Hell, in a few more months, I might be back to wearing thongs. I gave up thongs years ago after my enormous weight gain. While they were still comfy.. I couldnt bear to see the fat girl in thongs. Not attractive. Walmart has/had tummy control thongs. SERIOUSLY. why bother controlling the tummy when the booty is jiggling uncontrollably???

Reporting no weight loss or weight gain! GRRR! I don't think I watched my calories good enough this last week. If I don't watch it VERY closely, I don't lose. I guess I better go back to logging my food. Miriam: one pound loss is much better than my NO pound loss! How's the exercising going?

It could be a combination of things, but if you are keeping your carb intake low and exercising I think maybe I would try for a small fill and see if that does the trick. I don't know how much you are able to eat right now but it might help. If it's too tight then you can get some removed. It sounds like you are very close to your sweet spot though. Are you recording your intake in a food log? Sometime you may be consuming more than you think you are if your aren't tracking it religiously. You can also go back historically and see a trend when you do start to see weight gain, i.e. carb intake went up on a certain date, weight was up the following week. Otherwise, just try mixing it up a bit.

jodie you poor thing it sounds so sore im sure it is a nappy type rash but it could be fungal infection and require a different type cream( canasten )works great and you need to get it clear before the birth or that would really really hurt ... just one of the many joys of pregnancy!! i know what you mean though ive been so lucky in pregnancy so far and had no complaints now im on home straight i feel like never a day goes past im not moaning ..i aint bloomin now......lol i have had second uti and im so exhausted all the time ,no weight gain so pressure all around me about the health of baby ,(going for check up tuesday)and now my little one aidan whos four is ill with high temperature runny nose ,eyes and headache and now measles type rash poor wee man before panic sets in im immunised so im ok !!and its not menegitis its been coming on past two days. then lately been having nerve pains where babs seems to be putting pressure on places he shouldnt and im nearly jumping through roof as i get these sharp pains between legs or in my hip ,they kinda funny pains so sharp and quick they make you jump then laugh then go ouch !! see i told you im a moan ....lol.........not all day long though so i guess im ok

Well, I have watched this blog since it was put in and I cannot believe the amount of people I know who has had their surgery in 2005 and no one is ever in here. We need to be in here for our future. I constantly read how the bad habits have returned and this is the reason why this was installed. We don't have support group meetings on a daily basis to help us through our tough times. Has everyone succeeded and met their goal? Have we failed and are trying to get back on board with our lives? Is everyone so confident that they don't need to talk anymore about our new lifestyle and we have concoured everything in our past with our weight issues? That would be great..................... We still need to be here for the people that are just starting out or the ones that are close to goal and are still having issues or any type of questions possible that we are so experienced with. What do you think? Let's be helpful................ You will notice no fills down below and that is because I finally made up my mind that I wanted to live a longer life than what was expected of me down the road. Maybe I could have done it without the band but I didn't want to take that chance anymore with weight gain and weight loss since that in itself is just as dangerous on your heart as is being obese. I know that my band, my friend, is there to give me support and if I begin to have bad habits I can run to my doctor for help. Surgery Date : November 10, 2005 Starting Weight : 251 Ending Weight : 142 Maintaining my loss since July 25th, 2006 with no fills Height/5'7" Clothing Size/4 - 6 but mostly 6 due to my womenly hips. Moral support is here for anyone who needs it. Josephine

Hi- I just want to let you know that this will get easier! I remember at the very beginning thinking it was taking too much thought and how was I going to be able to have a band and a life! But it works out. I'm not sure why you have only eaten mashed potatoes and eggs. Is it because you are afraid to try other foods? My doctor had me on soft proteins four days after surgery and that meant I could eat eggs, chicken,turkey,fish, refried beans, cottage cheese...lots of stuff. As long as you follow the post-op instructions from your doctor you aren't going to hurt anything and you should be eating more than it sounds like you are eating. Instead of mashed potatoes, though, you should be eating protein. Your body is trying to heal and protein is what helps it to do that. Don't be afraid. Take it slowly and follow the rules for eating that I'm sure your doctor told you about (eat slow, chew well, small bites etc.) As for the weight gain, yes it is quite normal and don't stress out about it. The month or two after surgery is not for weight loss, it is for healing. You have fluid and swelling from the surgery and weird things are happening to your body. Don't worry about it. Do what your doctor told you to do and you are going to be fine.

I'm gaining weight after 3 fills. I've read the following. Has anyone been thought this terrible time? Thanks, Carol Please read below... Lap Band and weight GAIN... Is there such a thing as having the band tightened too much? Yes, the band can be over-adjusted. When the band is too tight, patients cannot eat solid foods without regurgitating the food or feeling very uncomfortable for many hours. When the band is too tight, patients tend to gain weight because they are resorting to the liquid and/or softer foods that travel through the band easily. These foods tend to be higher in fat and higher in sugar. When patients start this dysfunctional eating pattern, they are taking in more calories than if the band was looser. A band that is too tight will also cause heartburn and coughing in some patients. If after surgery, and despite following all the rules, I am at a plateau of weight loss, what should I do? Plateaus are a normal part of the weight loss process. In the first year or two after surgery, weight loss plateau usually means that you need to come in and have a little bit of Fluid put in the band to increase restriction. Occasionally, plateaus are caused by the Band being too tight. If the Band is too tight, weight loss will resume after a little fluid is taken out of the Band. If the above causes are ruled out, we will have you keep a food and exercise diary. The diary will include the times and quantities of foods eaten, drinks taken, Protein grams consumed, and an exercise log. We may have you consult with the dietician as well. What happens if 10 years from now I start to gain weight? What do I do? We see you annually in the office for a check-up, however if you are gaining weight, it is time to come in so that we can assess the problem. It could mean that you need a little adjustment in your band volume to provide a little more restriction. There may be a problem related to the types of food you are eating or there may have been a life crisis and emotional eating or depression may be taking hold.

I am so excited to be losing weight consistently. Unlike many overweight people, I was never able to succesfully lose a lot of weight. The most I ever lost was 30 pounds and it took me ten months and then I regained half of it before I got banded. I am still VERY concerned about keeping the weight off down the road. I'll have to be very vigilant about watching the smallest of weight gains. I called the Dr to move my fill up, I had big time hunger yesterday and feel like the band is not yet helping me as much as it could. 15 pounds for you in five weeks is unbelievable! You are really doing well. What should our next challenge be? Valentine's day to Easter or to April's fool's day?

I'd also be very hesitant to get a hysterectomy. I was lucky enough to see an endocrinologist from the Mayo Clinic who was fabulous. Here's what he told me: metformin generally helps people lose about 10% of their weight before you hit a plateau. However, it does help stop weight gain. And, with the band, you've got another weapon in your arsenol. PCOS is a condition thata should be treated by an endocrinologist, not a general paractitioner. I've had my share of experiences with bad doctors (hey, there are good and bad people in all professions.) The only doctors I've experienced who really understand PCOS are endocrinologists. Find one and get an appointment. I had to go out of network and pay a lot of money, but it was worth it to experience a doctor who is both intelligent and understands your condition. At 25, you have a long life of fertility ahead of you, if you choose to have more children. The metformin might help you conceive, if that's what you want to do right now---it worked for 3 of my friends with PCOS within a few months of using it. Also, the more you can lose, the better it will get. I've been banded one week only, but already, I've lost a few pounds 14 since the pre-op diet (1 month total), and I'm not even on metformin right now. Stay away from juices, sugary drinks, too many carbs at once, and it will start to work for you, too. And please please please don't let one rather uninformed doctor sway you. (Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching....) :biggrin:

Hi...glad to see I'm not the only one gaining weight. I am on maintenance and found Doritos. Delicious, cruncy, and go right thru. Gained 2 pounds this week. A body cannot gain weight unless there is too much intake. Even those w/ medical issues that causes weight gain won't gain weight if they don't eat. - not realistic; however. I am just going back to meal planning and ensuring I have plenty of food that won't cause weight gain (I slime if I eat to much) and stay away from Doritos. Yes, get a fill. Paying out of pocket is something many if not most of us do. But it's so worth it! Good luck and keep us posted.

I am wondering if my fill level is where it needs to stay. I have not had a fill in over a year, but I have gained weight. The reason for the weight gain is that I have found foods that I can get down easily and eat a lot of. I have had my band for over two years. My current fill level does restrict me from overeating most foods and I still throw up if I do overeat a lot of foods. So, I am wondering if my level is okay. I do know that I have to stop eating those foods that I can eat so easily that are so bad (candy, sweets, pasta).

I quit 4 years ago. I definitely put on some weight from that. However, I didn't even try to stop my eating all the time. Another reason for the weight gain is that the nicotine increases your metabolism - that's the reason I started smoking so many years ago (stupid, huh?). It's addiction transfer - find a healthy alternative that you can do every time you have that craving. I know exercise if probably the best distraction and it is soooo good for you. Also, the endorphins it releases will become your new "bliss". It IS hard {{hugs}} and I applaud you for quitting!!! wombat