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PdxMan - so well put. Many relationships are based on sharing these types of things together; drinking, drugs, food, etc. When one person stops doing it, the whole dynamic changes. Years ago, the last time I dropped 90 pounds, I myself no longer enjoyed spending time with one of my very good friends. We used to sit & eat, drink, smoke pot.....for years. When I stopped doing all of it and reclaimed my life, it was no longer fun to hang out with people doing it. She is a good enough friend that my absence didn't end the relationship. But her feeling was, it's fine if you don't want to partake in whatever, but I'm still comfortable doing what I'm doing. We no longer spent the same kind of time together, and saw each other much less. I went in a whole other direction, and at a different point in her life, so did she. Anyway......that friendship remained, but others were lost. My friend's (same friend) sister is a full blown alcoholic. Her husband is a pot head/drinker. This is what they've done together since they met. She goes through periods of wanting to get help and stop drinking, but she also knows that the marriage will end. They have an autistic child, and a lot on both of their plates. Anyway......I guess what I'm trying to bring out is that once one person leaves a shared addiction behind, most times, the relationship ends. Sad but true. And logically, it has to be that way so the "healthy" one can continue on their healthy path.

You will find things like chocolate and icecream go down pretty darn easy - that would be considered eating around the band. As would drinking useless calories whether it be in the form of a fancy frozen coffee, high calorie juices, alcohol, all of those things go down fine but can affect your weight loss progress because they are empty calories that you consume but don't feel full from. I am admittedly guilty to having empty calories in the form of Starbucks coffees however, most of the time I account for them in my daily calorie allotment.

I've been thinking about this thread for days. And I wasn't going to post anymore after my initial post, but... Ok, get ready for some straight talk now. I don't think you're a bad person at all. But I think you're perspective might be a bit askew. It is good to find strength and confidence within yourself, but please be careful about ego. Before you lost weight, you were thankful to have this man's love. Now that you are losing weight, you think you deserve better than him. This is a mindset that will cost you much in life. Trust me - been there, done that. Don't you think that he's picked up on this attitude and that he feels let down and upset at the thought of his whole world crumbling around him? Sure you do.. you said yourself "I have talked to some male friends about this too and they agree with you that he may be very threatned, and now it is my feeling that he should be." Honestly, it sounds to me like you have already made up your mind.. and based on that, his behavior doesn't surprise me at all. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you be happy? How easy would it be for you to compliment him on the very thing that's changing him into someone who wants better than you? This man is your husband. Not a friend you can choose to be around or avoid. For better or worse.. until death yadda yadda. Just words? Is he abusing you physically or mentally? Is he sleeping around on you? Is he an alcoholic or drug addict? Is he spending all of your money and running you into the ground financially? So far all you've told us is that he doesn't compliment your weight loss and he gets upset when you tell him about others complimenting you. Grounds for divorce? Reasons for ending a 21 year marriage? Hm... (those were all rhetorical questions - please don't answer them) You can count on him to be by your side in the bad times. You've said that "When the chips are down, there are none who step up to the plate better." Would you rather be dealing with a man who is only there for you when you look good, or when things are going well? How about you? Will you be there for him when the chips are down? Or will you decide that now that things are better for you.. you deserve someone better than him? What has suddenly made you better.. weight loss? Hm... Say you do leave him in search of something better. Do you think that there are men out there that don't have something wrong with them? Giving up a 21 year investment in a relationship just means having to start all over with someone else who will have faults that bother you. These probably aren't things that you want to hear. Especially if you have it in your mind that life without him is going to be so much better, and if you are already excited about what you'll find once he's gone. But I can't in good conscience read this thread and not say these things to you. I pray you take what I've said and just think about it for a while. And please, I'm not telling you that you don't deserve to be happy. But I am telling you that we often make big mistakes when we focus too much on what WE DESERVE. I offer you my thoughts as a possible help to you. I don't expect you to defend yourself or even provide more personal information about your marriage. I'm not judging you, so please don't take it that way. I'm speaking from my own experiences.. if they don't apply to you, then just forget my post. Best of luck to you in this situation. I mean that sincerely.

Alcohol, shopping, gambling, drugs, promiscuous sex, even exercise.... Food addiction is tough and sneaky and loves to change forms. One of the reasons, IMO, getting mental health support lined up before surgery is so important. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes to you.

@@Malin - Because unlike Chantix, it's cheap. I hate to sound conspiratorial, but if there isn't any money in it, no one is going to pay to advertise it. And it is just so counter to what we think we should do..."oh you have an alcohol problem, take this and in an hour pour yourself a drink." But it only works if you drink. But from what I have read, God help you if you use it for a while and then quit. You will relapse much harder and faster than when you began because the brain increases the number of receptors to make up for the blocking mechanism of Nalterxone. That's the trade off.

Butch- I once went to an OA meeting and this man was sharing how he put the fast food in the back seat of his car so he wouldn't eat it on the way home, but then he was reaching back to get some fries and nearly had a serious accident. That always stuck in my head because I realized what a serious addiction I had to food. Rosie O'Donnell once wrote an article in her magazine(before she went BAD-haha) about her addiction to food and she wrote it just like a drug addict and it was very good. Like the cop pulls her over and instead of alcohol on her breath and bloodshot eyes she has frosting on her face and a glazed over sugar rush in her eyes. I'm glad we decided to address our addiction and I hope we all have the strength to stay on track until the end. I see the beast trying to sneak up on me and sometimes I let him. Thanks for the wake-up call.

Pay close attention to what these people eat on a regular basis. They have a salad for lunch, not 2 cheeseburgers from McDonald's. They do not eat a lot of bread. They do not snack on sweets between meals. If they drink soft drinks, they choose the diet variety, and they almost never drink alcohol. I used to work for a former model. She was 60 when I met her. She has been thin all her life, but she works at it - even now, in her 70's. When her waitsbands start to get the least bit tight, she cuts back. But she doesn't starve herself. The first thing she does every morning is eat. And she eats 3 meals every day - nothing in between.

Man, I am worried about this too. I tend to drink a LOT of ice Water or ice tea with my food, especially when eating out. Right now it's not a problem, because I'm still having so many liquid meals, but after I'm on to normal food I'm going to have to be really careful about the whole 1/2-hour before or after thing. Also, this thread is both funnier and sorta sad if you assume we're talking about alcohol. "I JUST CAN'T STOP DRINKING. "

Well I now know what restriction is but unfortunately way too much. I have been disappointed with my progress and am really wishing for this tool to help. I am back in the gym and doing great there, but eating way too much and then also drinking on weekends. I realize that is an issue I need to deal with as restriction would not prevent the wasted calories of alcohol but I really want some help on the food side. Anyway, my wife and I returned from a great Caribbean cruise on May 2 and I was able to get an appointment for this past Friday to get a fill. I told the doctor I really wanted to get aggressive and we added. He is a good doctor and is conservative. I was not totally confident the water was going down well during the fill but told him we were good. I have had the weekend from hell. Went out deep sea fishing with son on a head boat Saturday, I barely got down 20oz of water. All day yesterday I take 1 ounce in and 3 come out. I go today at 3PM for adjustment. Bottom line is that this is defiantly a learning experience for me. I now have an unbelievable appreciation in the ability to hydrate yourself. I also have a new respect for this implanted devise and look forward to a new partnership.

Ditto what everyone else said. I've heard horror stories from folks who had carbonation and ended up in severe pain. Plus, I was told it could cause band slippage by making the upper part of the stomach swell. I was banded on November 6 and I've had alcohol. I had some wine and some tequila, but not a huge quantity because of the calories.

I've certainly changed my m.o. Before banding, I lost some weight and one of the ways I did it was by eliminating alcohol. It was painful when I was out with friends. Now, I do have a couple of driinks when I go out. One of my new favorites is a bloody mary (not too many calories and for me impossible to drink too fast). I LOVE whisky sours but I can drink them like lemonade and after being banded I DO get tipsy so easy. You'll have a great time! I would watch the beer ...I took a sip of one...YIKES... the burning, the golf ball feeling...no more for me for awhile. Your friends are all going to be envious of you since you've lost weight!!

I feel your pain. The agony of the unknown is horrible. Almost worse than the reality. I have been a big time Diet Coke junkie (and I mean junkie) for a long time maybe 20 years! Yikes that makes me so old. I loved it! Probably some what like an alcoholic. Well I drank it like normall right up unil 48 hours before surgery. I suffered for at least a week with horrible headaches ( I think it was caffeine) but I don't really know. Could have been stress, no nicotine too. I am pretty proud of myself. However I have had some pretty bad moments. Where I just want to eat, drink coke and smoke and I feel crazy. I feel as if I have taken it one day and some times one hour at a time. I feel as if I am living on air. And since I quit smoking and had surgery I have had this horrible cough. I don't know if it is chest cold or all the toxins from the nicotine coming out. Well any how I would wean my self off of the pepsi now and deal with the headaches now if you can. But I doubt I could have until they said you have surgery you can never have it agian. That is probably the only reason I gave it up. But I am feeling better about it all. So far I have stayed away from people eating, drinking coke or smoking. I don't think I am quite ready to deal with it in my face. I am in hiding. Good Luck!

It's easy to make soups. Use unflavored or chicken flavored protein powder, combine with water or broth, and add soft cooked vegetables or lean meats. You can add even more protein with fat free greek yogurt. Spices to taste. The 14 day pre-op diet is to shrink your liver so it isn't in the surgeon's way. So the no fat, no sugar, and no alcohol part is very important.

Wow, that must have been discouraging! I find it hard to believe that one evening of excess=5 pounds, but it must be true. Likely a combination weight gain and water retention (due to salt, alcohol?, high carbs, etc). Just get back on the program and all will be okay. Learn from this and add it to the list of things to avoid in the future. Part of this journey is figuring out how you gained so much weight in the past (and you just got a clue on the weekend). Good luck and carry on.

my personal feelings, its wasted cals and has no nutritional value what so ever. do i drink alcohol ... sure - maybe once every other month. but i notice i retain more Water and just feel crappy after.

I'm going to the doctor on Thursday and will try to remember to ask him this stuff. Some of it we have went over lately. 1. Carbonation: Does it cause erosion? Does it stretch the pouch? Or do we avoid it simply because it causes gas pains? I was going to ask this one Thursday 2. Alcohol: Does it cause erosion, or do we avoid it because it's empty calories? He told me they are empty calories, but that I could have a glass of wine if I wanted to. 3. Drinking before and after meals: How long to wait after eating? What are their reasons for these rules? My doctor actually believes in two hours, but I agreed on one hour. It is just for keeping the pouch full longer. I can drink right up till I eat. 4. NSAIDs - is there any new information regarding them causing erosion? I need to ask this one too I will be glad to ask any other questions anyone might have also.

I always knew booze screws up your metabolism, and I also realize that barfing your guts up after a drunken suarez can cause slippage. But can the alcohol itself pickle your stomach and cause erosion? Thanks for all your answers. I like the comment about asking your doctor to back up with proof. I say this cuz I asked Lopez if fizzy carbonation causes pouch stretching, and he laughed and said "there's no proof." He said carbonated liquids pass right through to the bottom part of the stomach as do any liquids, and the only problem is when the gasses try to come back up, it causes discomfort. This is why I like to hear all the opinions, especially ones from different countries. Thanks all!

OK I hope I can remember everything he said! 1. Carbonation: Does it cause erosion? Does it stretch the pouch? Or do we avoid it simply because it causes gas pains? It only stretches the pouch temporily, the problem is that it stretches it enough to make the opening larger therefore you are able to eat more. It cannot cause erosion. 2. Alcohol: Does it cause erosion, or do we avoid it because it's empty calories? Alcohol does not cause erosion, but can cause problems if your liver/pancreas gets bad that could cause problems with the band in the long run. However, smoking is much worse than the alcohol. It is also because of all the empty calories. 3. Drinking before and after meals: How long to wait after eating? What are their reasons for these rules? He would like to see two hours after eating to drink, but it is only because they want the food to stay in the pouch longer. If you eat too soon, it will empty your pouch causing you to want to eat sooner. 4. NSAIDs - is there any new information regarding them causing erosion? Yes, NSAIDS can cause erosion! 5. Slippage: Any information on what causes slippage. I know we are supposed to avoid vomitting, but what if we get a stomach bug? What are the signs/symptoms, etc. Slippage is caused mostly by wrenching/throwing up pretty hard. That causes the band to turn and flip. That is why it is so important to let your band heal in place really good at the beginning. The signs of slippage are not being able to drink Water or eat without throwing up, being in a lot of pain, or eating and not getting full (not having any restriction and you won't have any signs with this one). 6. What if anything is new in the last 6 months? They are now using the Vanguard band and think it is a better band. The swedish band is coming out real soon too. OK, that is what I found out, so it will be interesting to see what anyone else finds out too.

Is it ok to eat those sugar free snacks like cookies ect? It says no sugar but has some sugar alcohol. Please let me know!

Yikes. I really feel like unless you are a doctor or somehow being asked, you should not insert yourself. We get excited about the weight loss and some of us have a need or desire to evangelize about it, but we have to get here on our own steam. I have two examples of help that worked with me. A friend approached me last year with a Nike Fuel band last year before I even considered surgery. She was changing to a Jawbone, and offered me the band, talking about how much fun and addictive it was to her to watch her steps every day. Then, I also have a friend who was sleeved in June of last year, who started talking to me about her plans in August of 2012 and suggested that I look into it too. I was even a little offended with her; surely I wasn't as bad off as she was, right? But I was, and she knew it. Amazing now that I sometimes thought my weight gain was invisible to others. These are two very close friends and the subject was approached very carefully. On one hand, people say rude stuff all the time to overweight and obese people; I'm sure each of us has a list in our heads of the things that have been said to us over the years. But unless you would be in the right position to stage an intervention for drugs or alcohol, another person's weight is not something I'd comment on.

Coming up on 4 years, I drink alcohol as I did before the band...even Beer (but you have to know what you're doing and how to do it) I don't worry about calories, stopped counting them a few weeks after surgery but that's another story. Only side effect I need to be careful about is I have to have my Bloody Mary's on the mild side....I learned to give up ALL things hot and spicy due to reflux....also anything straight and harsh is not good....I stay with mixed drinks and beer. This has always been a hot topic on this forum......let's face it everyone here should be focused on loosing weight. And drinking may not fit into their plan.....but then everyone has a slightly different approach to WLS.... You need to do what works for you...too many people are worried about giving up things from their past...the very things that made them fat in the first place.

I would say nay, but I also don't have a taste for alcohol, so it's really easy for me to say nay! I smoke, and I wasn't willing to give up smoking after surgery even though it's the healthy thing to do.

Hi, Marc! So, you're ready for a new life! Congratulations! What impressed me about your post is that you have given love and care to others as part of your life, even though you have been kinda hiding out in that...there are worse ways to hide, huh? Other "hits"...I lost my mom last July, and my grandmother last November, and I understand the sense of loss you are afraid of...I cannot say it is easier than you think. It wasn't for me. It is hard. I would rather know it is going to be tough than be told it's easy, and be shocked when it isn't. So, you've got some tough times ahead with that. Here's the good news...you've got faith. Keep reading that Psalms. You've made a decision to change your life. You love yourself more than you are giving yourself credit for. See? I just posted about my "bandiversary." One year ago, today, I did what you are planning for Aug. 31. What a year! I won't go into the details here because you can easily find my post about my year...but the bottom line is this: you can make your life better. As you lose some of the weight, you will feel better; when you feel better, you will do more to be even healthier. You may need some counseling; or, there are books you could read that could get you started on changing your beliefs and attitudes about food. I quit using alcohol almost 5 years ago, and since you have accomplished that, you know how to break an addiction, and you care enough about yourself to do it. I've gone on long enough, but one more thing I just really need to say. Please just put your relationship issues on hold for right now. Let's just get YOU in order for now...it will take all your energy and focus anyway. The rest will fall into place. You have found a great place at LBT. Post and read, post and read. Take what works for you, and blow off the rest. Think about the stuff you might not agree with or understand, because it might come into focus later. I wish you well, and wish you good health and light! Cindy

Dear Marc, Your post is so eloquent, it made my heart ache. And wow, the replies! I feel so blessed to be here, and I'm so glad you're here, too. I'm a 59-year-old RN and I can really relate to what you wrote. As a teenager, I copied a poem that captured the way I've felt all these years. I don't recall most of it, but it ends "...and you yourself are your jail walking." It has taken me many, many years to break out of that jail. I grew up in a family marred by domestic violence. All my sibs are either alcoholic, drug addicts, morbidly obese, or dead from violence. I learned early on to wear a mask and never let anyone see how much I was hurting inside. I became a superachiever too, published and well known in my field. And all the time, I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. It turned out to be childhood sexual trauma. With the help of a gifted therapist, I worked through that and the resulting PTSD. I've struggled for years with major depression, and other medical problems. For many years, I looked forward to death with a sense of relief, because life just seemed too hard to live. Why am I telling you all this? Because I want you to know you're not alone and there is help for the way you feel. A loving support group is a great place to start dismantling the mask, and I so admire you for starting. What has helped me the most over the years has been letting those who were safe to "come out" around, to see the real me bit by bit; therapy; and antidepressant medication. Today I feel that life is worth living. I've always been compassionate to others -- it's one of my strengths -- and now I've learned to be compassionate to myself. Marc, would you consider getting evaluated for depression? I think you may be depressed, which makes perfect sense, and medication can be incredibly effective in helping you get out from under the sense of despair. And what about therapy? That might really help, too. I will hold you in my heart. Stay in touch, NancyRN

Fortunately today there are alternative to satisfying a sweet tooth such as low calorie natural sugars such as Stevia and synthetic sugars such as Splenda and sugar alcohols. And many of these are being integrated into products that you can buy in the supermarket.