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Ok, I hate this holiday now officially. What is so damn good about stuffing yourself until you are SURE you are going to throw up??? It was very hard to enjoy the meal without feeling like everyone was watching me and praying I didn't pb... My family doesn't know I have the band, they would be rude and unsupportive. If one more person tells me "Quit dieting for today" I am going to kill them with a turkey drumstick......grrrrr.....

Here was my rationale Will it be any easier to tell him a month from now? Or will it just be MORE uncomfortable because he will know you've been evading the issue for the last month?<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p In my case, I figured the longer I waited to tell the family... The more hurt and unsupportive they would be. They would think it was an irrational choice that I was rushing into... instead of seeing it was something I was set on and determined to do.<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p I told them yesterday (the day I found out my surgery date) because I think they will respect me more for being honest and hopefully, it would make them more confident to see that I was 100% dedicated to this.<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p If I wasn’t afraid to tell, then (to me) that shows my confidence that I know I’ve made the right decision.<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p People are going to figure it out sooner or later. If you KNOW this is what you’re going to do, I think it is easier to just tell them. If they aren't happy about it now, I guarantee they won't be happy to find out in a month (when you having surgery in a week).<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p You might as well just let him know so he can get used to the idea.<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p I’ve found waiting to tell people something (especially parents) usually back-fires.<O:p</O:p <O:p</O:p But, ultimately, the decision is up to you. J<O:p</O:p

Good Luck with everything Laurend. I am still dealing with my family being unsupportive, and my surgery is only 10 days away now! Actually, just tonight my mother said to me "you know you dont have to go through this..." It is difficult when family isnt supportive, but it is important to find some form of support, this board is great and i am sure your hospital will offer support groups as well! Best Wishes!

Hello Everyone! I hope you are all doing well. I have been having a really really rough week. Tough times at work, with family, friends...I am feeling really down and overwhelmed...:cry My four year old niece was put in the hospital on Weds. with very severe respitory issues and she is still there. My really good neighbor friend has moved back to California...without her husband... My family is still so unsupportive about all of this and is giving me difficulties in addition...My work, as a teacher....oh dear...I just want to curl up and hide. :phanvan

I understand you want your mom to support you, but you may have to ultimately make the decision without her support. I am sorry that she is so unsupportive. I am sure as a mom the surgery part scares her to death, and she would rather say the obvious things that she is saying rather than saying "it scares me". My mom was freaked out, and still is a bit. But now she sees I did the best thing for me. And in the end, that is what you HAVE to do, think of YOU first!

Oops..typo..I meant unsupportive about the "surgery" not the "surgeon"

Ever since I told my family about my decision to be banded they have been rather unsupportive. I sort of expected them to be not understanding and very unsure about the surgeon, but as my surgery date gets closer they become more unsupportive. I think that it is rather surprsing too since my mother and sister have struggled with their weight all their lives as well... :think Well, to get to my thread title...Yesterday my boyfriend and I were explaining a few important details/facts to my sister and mom that were shared with us at my final surgeon consultation that I just had a few days ago. Truly, I was trying to help make them feel better about me having the surgery , sharing with them how the surgeon felt very positively about this surgery and the good experiences he has had and the minor complications... And all my sister had to say was..."well, you know they are going to say good things because they are trying to selll the surgery to you since it is an elective surgery..." :cry I felt really hurt by this, b/c not only did it insult my intelligence on making a major decision, but i feel like...would it kill you to say something encourageing? :mmph: She also asked me if I did any research on the surgery...well of coarse I have! She was very negatively questioning the long term rate of weight loss...i truly think she wants me to fail... Any thoughts on this? Thank you!

Hello Kris, I am having my band put in on Nov. 20th and I am feeling very nervous too. My family is very unsupportive about the surgery and is trying to get me to change my mind so I have to struggle against that too. However, I really think that it will all be worth it. I know that it will be tough and probably a bit painful at times, but I have heard over and over again that it is not a terrible experience to go through. I actually have two women in my office that have had the band put in a while ago and they are doing wonderfully! Good luck to you and dont be frightened, look forward to a new you!

Welcome Bill, If you are trying to get insurance to pay for it, I would call your insurance company and see what is required by them to pay for the WLS. For example, if they require a dietician interview and sessions and you need a recommendation from your PCP for them, then ask him for that, not necessarily his opinion if you need the surgery or not. IMO, "YOU" are the only one who will be certain if you need the surgery. Skinny people and unsupportive Dr.s are going to tell you to just diet and excersize, hence the call you received from the Dr.'s nurse. You qualify for the surgery with your BMI and sleep apnea, alone, not including your higher percentage of getting Type II diabetes and possibly higher blood pressure. So there is no question that the surgery will benefit you. If you are 100% certain that you are ready to move forward, I think you should approach the Dr. and tell him this is a decision that you have made and you need his recommendation to continue. Good luck.

I must say that i thought i was alone with unsupportive friends... I made my decision alone, went on that long journey of assessment without telling anyone, it was my decsiion and i had to be ok wiht it and certain before telling anyone, I knew they would all have comments to make!! After i was on the waiting list I told my parents, who although surprised were suportive, I then told a few very close friends who all said 'if this is what you want then go for it' so i felt fine ... THEN!! I've lost 46lbs and those supportive friends (who actually are both obese) dont even acknowledge my weight loss, I can tell them ive lost 6lbs to their face and they dont even respond the best I get is if I say im happy with my loss, 'I bet you are' thats my supportive friends!! However, although this hurts initially i can see it for what it is..their insecurity!! you see for years although theyve been big ive been bigger...and therefore made them feel better about themselves!! but not for much longer... So Ive decided I will take my support where I can get it...my parents, a few friends and my lovely support system here!! In conclusion (sorry to waffle), is go for it, nobody knows ourselves like us and only we can make this decision, I have no regrets about doing this only wish i'd done it years ago and if i lose a few friends on the way, then I'l be sad butthey obviously werent meant to be....lol

Sherri, ya know I've found that ppl who like to use put downs and slam ya, they only do it for as long as you let it get to you. Ya know what drives ppl nuts??? Just act like you could care less about what they have to say whenever its soemthing negetive. And then work on how you feel on the inside. You are going to be fabulous. Who cares how you get to being fabulous. Your band is your tool and it was YOUR money you bought it with. Will it feel any less great to wear a size 16, 12, 10, 8 or 6??? YOu gotta remember you did this for you, and the heck with anyone who has a problem with it. Your husband is probably just scared right now that you're going to get sexier than him, and not want him anymore. But he'll come around when he sees that you still love him even when you are sexy as hell lol. For now just keep plugging away and look towards the goal. Take no prisoners and don't look back. When someone says something unsupportive of you, try really really hard to not let it hurt you, feel sorry for them that they are the ones with the problem.

your sister is just jealous...i know I'll probably have this problem with my sister as well since we are the two big ones in the family. She'll think i've abandened her some way. But no way am i telling anyone in my family what i've had done. I can't wait till I can clean out my closet and get rid of big clothes!!! I don't want them around because i'm never going back to that place again. I think of all the times I worried about how I looked going out, pulling my shirt down further to cover myself more..those clothes don't make me feel good about myself. I can't wait to build up a closet full of clothes in one size, stuff that will fit year after year. I'm going to keep one pair of pants as a reminder of a place i never want to be again. I got banded for me..so I'm going to live the life I wanted...and unsupportive people can say what they want because I'll be having too much fun living to care what they think!!!

Hi Mindy! Know that I'm sending you big hugs! Your emotions are normal - because they are YOUR emotions. Feel what you need to feel and accept it. That's how I'm dealing with mine at this point. I know your frustration. My parents are totally unsupportive, and for that reason I have chosen not to tell them, especially my mother. All I'd hear was negativity and derision, so I am choosing to avoid the frustration and keep my plans to myself. I would recommend that you at least get your blood checked. One thing that has stalled my progress was my Iron level. I had completed everything, thought I was in perfect health and ready to be banded in September until my bloodwork came back with low iron. I have to take iron pills 2x per day, plus Vitamin C. I'm also taking a Multivitamin at this point. Two months (end of October) I go back to have my blood tested again, and then they'll assess how I'm doing, then get me a surgery date if my blood is thicker/stronger. I cried for 4 days when I heard that. I've also taken time to get my head around surgery since then. The doctor told me to lose 15 pounds prior to surgery to shrink my liver. I've already lost over 20. (But every day is a struggle!) I'm trying to think and eat like I'm banded. I figure I can't control other people, but I can control me and how I react to the jack@sses in the world. I'm doing things for myself to put me in a better place - exercising, drinking tons of Water and not eating sugar. Keep your chin up, do what you can do to help yourself meet your goal, and stay positive! Nathalie

Its normal. My mother was TOTALLY unsupportive! To the point of I did not tell her I was having it done. That right was forfeited by being unsupportive. I was frantic, desperate, and consumed with finding a way to get a band!! My every waking hour was pining for the band- so I understand COMPLTELEY!! Is it an exclusion on your insurance? The process is complex and not quick so, as hard as it is try to take a deep breath and hang in there!! If you have to cash pay- cosider it like a car payment. Hopefully they wont use control to prevent you from attaining health. I would present it that way- calmly. You may not support my decision, but this is a necessary step to attain long term health

I can't help with your first question but here's my answer to your second. (Pasting it here so I don't have to scroll back up while I respond) As a little background information, my parents and I have always had very open communication about -- everything, really, including my weight (they too have struggled with their weight, but were never anywhere near as obese as I was). Our conversations about anything tend to be very open and everything on the table. My husband and my parents are my three best friends. So that might help set the stage for how I approached the issue. My mom is the first person who ever told me about lap-band. She may have been telling me about it to plant a seed, I don't know, but one of her best friends is older than her, and a few daughters older than me. They're distant "friends of the family". One of them had RNY, and about a month later two of them had LB. This was 2001 and they were part of the FDA studies. They flew to Minnesota to have their operations done. The first time I heard of the LB was when my mom told me the sisters had the procedure, and that she'd seen one of them and she had lost a TON of weight. Ok, so now everyone knows about the procedure, and about 4 years go by of me mentioning it every now and then, but still personally determined to "do this on my own". I figured, I've accomplished everything I've set my mind to, and I'm not going to let my weight be an exception. Yada, yada, yada... I'd brought it up "in passing" enough times that they knew I was considering it. One day I was shopping with my mom and we were in line getting some drinks and I just told her, "I'm going to look seriously into the lapband that <sisters names> had." My mom's first response (and I was a bit mixed with how to take it) was, "Oh so you're going to do that instead of another diet?" I don't think she meant it unsupportively, she's one of those people who says something without realizing what she's really said... so I told her, "Diets obviously don't work, and I need some help." After that she was pretty much just full of questions. (Insert note here: she also said, "If you do this and lose weight I'm going to be happy for you, but I will also be jealous" - so that too may have influenced her initial reaction). I asked her if she thought dad would be upset about it if I did it, and she said no, she actually thought he'd be happy for me. So later that night I went out with him for a bit, told him I was thinking about it, and asked him what he thought. And he said, "You're not happy being fat. You haven't been happy since you started gaining weight. I miss my happy daughter. I think that you see this as what you need to lose the weight and keep it off, and that's going to make you happy, so I think you should do it." So I guess I tested the waters with my mom a little, and she'd be the one I'd guess would have the most objection to it. I pretty much just told my dad I thought I wanted to do it, and asked his opinion. I'm one of the ones who tells everyone, and I have a very different situation with my parents than you with yours, so please only take my account for what it's worth. Your inner bandster-wannabe will be your best guide in making your decision.

I don't think that given a different point of view is either bashing or attacking. I don't think that getting a young person fired is the best option available, but some do. Are the people who do feel that the firing of the sales-girl rights any more valid than mine? I once had an elder relative tell me, “if you can't say something good, don't say anything”. That is nonsense. That is not support. That is catering. Maybe that is why the sales-girl and many young people today are so screwed up. Nobody ever told them anything was wrong. People learn by listening to all sides of a story. Maybe the girl in this case was insensitive. Maybe she has two children and no husband. Maybe her kids will go hungry because she is young and insensitive, when she is fired. I tell an insensitive sales-person when they are rude. I don't tried to get people fired because as bad as my pain was, getting even may cause so much more pain. My grand-daughter is the type girl who was discussed in the opening post. She has the body of a twenty something year-old, the educational brains of a college student, is 18 years old, but has the emotional stability of a 14 year-old air-head. She would make a remark like that without having an inkling that she might be offending someone. I admit my grand-daughter is screwed up and I hope she will outgrow it. I used to try to talk to her, but I have only known her for a few years (she is the daughter of my son's wife from a previous marriage and though I know her since the very late 90's, she has spent more time with her father in a different city than where I live), so I can not tell if my advice and guidance will sink in. Her mother and grand-mother are not that way, so I assume that she will grow out of it. Of course, none of our children or grand-children are rude or insensitive, just mine and the people in the opening posts. But more important than that is the idea that not saying what the thread starter wants to hear is not fulfilling our obligations as LBT'ers. If someone is over-eating, I will only say, "Don't worry, things will get better" or "keep trying" in the future, lest I me told that I am unsupportive or hear “if you can't say something good, don't say anything”. I will not give them real advice, like find a support group or seek professional advice. I promise to be a good LBT'er from now on and just shut-up.

I have not told my father or stepmother about my upcoming surgery. We're not super close, though we live about 10 miles from each other. My father's birthday is 2 days before my surgery and I am wondering if I should tell him when I see him to give him his present. Here's the thing: my father is horribly judgmental about women's weight. He often comments on it, and he did it to me when I was growing up. I think that in part my getting fat was in defiance of him - being exectly what he didn't want me to be. Nothing is more important to him in a woman than appearance - not intelligence, compassion, humor, etc. We have had a very strained relationship for years. I am currently trying to decide how much I want him in my life, and I feel like if I don't tell him about the band, then I am making a decision to NOT be close to him, a decision I wasn't feeling ready to make yet. But then I think, why tell him? It would be undermining my success. If I had to predict his behavior based on past experience, he would be initially very supportive (like he was with any diet), then turn to put-downs, teasing, and being the misogynist that he is. I suppose by writing this I am answering my own question: that I should not tell him, if I want to protect my self, and respect the band and the great lengths I am going to to get healthy. It's just hard b/c it's bringing up all these issues I have with him.:cry Thanks for listening. If you have any advice/insight/encouragement I'd love to hear it.

I ,too, have had my GP be very unsupportive about WLS. About 10 -12 years ago I asked him for a referral to a surgeon. His comment to me was "If you do something that radical, I will no longer treat you." Since I have always had a fear of sx. and really trusted this doc, (he saved the life of my dtr. by referring me to a major medical center when I was in labor and having my dtr. 11 weeks preemie.), I did not want to lose him as my doc so I let it go and did not follow through with it. That was 150 pounds ago.:rolleyes But after I heard about lapband, I became very interested again. Being a nurse, I now know all the right things to ask and feel that I am more mature and can make a decision without his referral, however, at my last visit, I did ask him his opinion of lapband(prior considerations were RNY and VGB) this time his comment was " I am not familiar enough with the docs doing this so just research thourally" He also was somewhat unfamiliar with lapband, but asked me to share my information with him.He was much more supportive this time and explained that his prior hesitancy was due to a friends dtr almost bleeding to death after her staples ruptured. I would ask your therapist about why he is so against it. It could be that he is aware of someone with a bad experience or could be lack of education about WLS. If he can't give you a reason or is unwilling to learn about procedure then I would look for someone who is. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening to me harp and gripe.:faint: Have a great evening! Sherri:)

I had a doctor tell me that the LB wouldn't help someone my size. I was stunned that any doctor would tell any MO not to try ANYTHING to try and improve the situation. I gave him two more times to come around, the third time I told him that he was unsupportive and irresponsible to tell a MO to not try something positive for his health. He told me that I wouldn't lose more then 100lbs. I told him to write that down and read it and ask me if it sounds responsible to tell an MO patient not to lose 100 lbs. That same week I meet with two other doctors, I chose one as my new doctor. I went back to my old doctor and asked him to personally contact my new doctor and not only forward my files, but inform him I left him because he didn't support my attempt at weight loss with the LB. My new doctor found it odd and unprofessional of him. Interesting side note, he moved about 3 months later.

All I can say is... sure people can be unsupportive, and yes, we do need support- BUT if the person that had had lapband surgery didn't talk about it to me, I would have never known it to be a possibility, so as long as my friends and family have questions, I will answer them because there are SOOO many people who would benefit from the knowledge. It's like the AIDS epidemic- the more we know, the more we can stop the stigma against it. And yes, I have experienced people not being supportive, asking me why I couldn't do it on my own, and I tell them- how many people can actually keep the weight off? This is not a diet, its a tool to a new lifestyle. And yes, I mourn food sometimes. I no longer have that comfort, but I am finding comfort in other areas of my life. Food no longer controls me, and when I explain that - even to my skinniest friends, they understand- they want me to be happier. They look forward to shopping with me and sharing clothes. Maybe I'm lucky? To the people that don't agree, I would say, "You have no idea whats it like to be me, or what is best for ME. If you do not agree, then thats your opinion, and its best kept to yourself." Just my two cents..... and I'm sorry you had to deal with that! (HUGS)!

I hope you got my darn voicemail to get me a take out chilli or I'm going to get all sorts of unsupportive.

thanks everyone for your input and support. i need to chill. i AM mega stressed. i failed to mention that my mother and family are totally unsupportive of my upcoming wedding (my husband is white and i am black and he is older than me) but that is another thread!! she has not been nice during this planning phase and it hurts. but, again this is not a psychological venting thread so i won't go into the saga of it all. then i got offered a new job , accepted it and then declined it because i thought i was making too many changes at once (getting married, the ring, moving out of my apartment and preparing to move in with my husband once we are married, i do have a daughter). i don't want pity or anything from anyone i am just living and experiencing life like everyone else. but i just feel like i don't want to deal with another major life change right now. i am trying to de-stress because i know stress is a killer on the body! thanks again for your kind words and advice. i am aiming at getting in at least 1000 healthy calories a day. i may have to start getting up earlier in the morning!!!!

Perhaps, I am misunderstanding something, but I think that I need my general doctor to send documents to the insurance company showing that I have been overweight for a extended amount of time. In my position, it seems to me that she is just a "paper-link" to the insurance company. I suppose that I did not have to actually call her and speak to her about it, but I did want to see what she thought. She wasn't unsupportive, per se, I think that she was ignorant to the lapband surgery.

Teee, nope. My mother doesn't know that I have the band. She is incredibly unsupportive and a gossip so she has no need to know. It was just me. My sister had to come and drive me home from the hospital because the hospital wouldn't release me on my own. That was it. :rolleyes

Hi Bigdog, Welcome! I'm sorry, I dont know what PE is, but as far as your dad being unsupportive, I'm sorry. He probably doesn't understand what you are going through, and how safe the band is. You can try to educate him, but if he doesn't come 'round, just remember, its your body and your life! I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make.