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Some WLS patients still feel like there is a missing element to their long term weight loss. Healing old psychological wounds can be key. Author of Full From Within, psychologist Dr. Colleen Long, explains just where to start. “ The wound is where the light enters you.” - Rumi When I work with pre and post-op bariatric surgery patients, I consistently go over this idea of being "full from within." Many people question, "what does that mean for me? What does that look like?" My response is that for one to be truly full, we must first clear out the old toxicity, wounds, and hurtful schemas we've picked up throughout the years. How does one get over a hurt? There is not "getting over." You go through it. You have to feel it to heal it. If you have underwent gastric sleeve, bypass, or balloon surgery and still feel like there is a missing piece- it is likely that there are some deeper psychological toxicities that need to be cleared. The first step to doing so is sitting still, sitting with the feelings, and it is in stillness that our heart finally starts to answer the questions our mind has failed to thus far. Yet so many have been taught not to feel. That there must be an easier way- a shortcut. 1 in every 8 Americans is on some form of psychotropic medication. 1 In his book, Anatomy of an Epidemic, science journalist Robert Whitaker states that since 1987, the percentage of the population receiving federal disability payment for mental illness has tripled; among children under the age of 18, the percentage has grown by a factor of 35.1 While Whitaker recognized that in the short-term, these medications help people to feel better, he started to realize that over time- drugs make many patients sicker than they would have been if they had never been medicated. 1 He does not make the argument that all people should stop their meds. He believes in the utility of them, just more sparingly than they are currently utilized. However, throughout my years in the practice of therapy- I have noticed a trend of moving people away from feeling. Crying is actually a symptom in the DSM-V. We have pathologized a human feeling! When psychiatrists and therapists witness a patient tearful too many times in session, their next conclusion is that something must be wrong and they must be medicated. This frustrates me so much as a clinician and as a person who has done her share of work in her own personal therapy. When we are broken, we are broken open. Being broken is a starting point, not a symptom that something has gone awry. It is at the point of our deepest pain and grief that we have the greatest opportunity for growth. I find myself telling patients over and over- “you can’t “get over” it, you must “go through” it.” Yet, so many of us have been indoctrinated to think that if we spend more than a day being sad, we must have depression, or if we feel nervous a little bit longer than we’d like to- we must have an anxiety disorder. We definitely “are Bipolar” if we have a mood swing. We have been taught to not feel the yin, only the yang of our emotions. It’s societally acceptable to talk about how happy your weekend was, or how much fun you had on vacation- but watch the uncomfortable shifting in chairs that takes place when you open up about how you just haven’t felt like yourself lately. In our world of quick fixes, where we can have a conference across the world, over a computer, communicate a message in two seconds via text, or post a picture that all of our family can see instantly- we also want instant relief for our suffering. Yet, suffering is part of the human condition. It is through experiencing our deepest sorrows, we are able to appreciate our greatest joys. But we must first be willing to sit in the muck. "Out of the mud, grows the lotus." -Thich Nhat Hanh Part and parcel of any addiction (food, drugs, alcohol, etc.) is that the addict is particularly uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. However, the cure is right there for the taking. “So what does this look like in real life?” you ask. “How do I open the wound, bring in the light, and clear out the infection that started all of this in the first place?” You start with presence. You start with a still and open heart. You start with a spiritual vulnerability that allows you to be at peace with not knowing what will happen next. You sit broken open and wait for the light to enter over time. The most important piece in all of this is being able to create a consistent forum where you hold the space. This could be a therapist’s office, it could be a weekly walk with a friend, a journal practice, or it could be as simple as a prayer every night. You set the priority to hold the space and to sit in the muck. Maybe it starts with emotions that have no words? Maybe it starts with visceral, physical feelings, that you have to simply sit with for a while? Maybe you are lucky enough to immediately put in words where your wound all started and its just floating around in your thoughts, waiting to be articulated? Perhaps it starts with a behavior you tend to do all of the time that you know comes from a place of pain? Case Study: I had a client who continuously posted on social media sites. She had a constant need to feel recognized and admired. She knew there was something behind it and wanted to get to the bottom of where this was coming from. Session over session, we sat with that need. We talked about what she wanted to get from each of those posts and why she was still “on E,” left with an empty psychological tank. The short story of Narcissus goes that he disdained people who loved him. After Nemesis noticed this he lured him to a pool that cast his own reflection. Narcissus fell in love with this pool, not realizing it was merely an image. Unable to leave the beauty of his reflection, he lost his will to live. He stared at this reflection until he died. 59 Growing up, this client never quite got the love and admiration we all need from our parents. When we love something so much and don’t get that back- it is that unrequited love that leaves a narcissistic wound. It doesn’t necessarily always start with parents. It can be a formative romantic relationship, but it usually starts with parents. When we are flying from couch to couch saying “look at me mommy I’m superman!” and our mom says “get off that couch now!” instead of “look at how strong and powerful you are,” we begin forming the wound. Unfortunately, without recognizing this- many people will go throughout their life trying to heal it through other people or other things instead of within themselves. (recall the wizard of oz’s moral of the story). It was up to this client to stop the instinctual need to post and each time she had this inclination to look within for what she needed. Eventually, she developed a muscle for self validation, and the posting behavior stopped. The lesson in this case study is to hopefully help guide you to your wound. If we have a food addiction and feel out of control, you can bet we have a wound. Instead of distracting through bad habits, addictions, unhealthy relationships, or external wants- it is time to finally create a place of presence to start the healing process. Mind Meal: Sit in silence for at least 15 minutes. Visualize in your mind’s eye your heart with a bridge of white light to your head. What does it say? Where is the pain? Where is the wound? How might you start filling yourself up for good? Want to learn more about how to be truly full from within. Check out Dr. Colleen's latest book aimed at helping one focus on why they eat vs. what they eat, and stop the "diet yo-yo" for good. You can also sign up for her free course : Full From Within, here. 1 Retrieved: June 2, 2017 https://www.madinamerica.com/author/rwhitaker/

I heard bariatric patients turn into alcoholics....is this true? How do you feel about drinking booze?

I, like most of you, have been over weight my whole life. I battled with weight right next to a thin younger sister. She is now a stuck, materialistic kind of person who doesn’t care about other people. To tell you the truth, I hate being fat and hated the years I had to grow up fat but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I not been. I feel I have confidence in my personality, my brain, and my work ethic. I strive so hard to be what people wish they could be or just be someone people want to be around. This could have something to do with having a father who was a productive alcoholic. He liked to work more than he liked being with his family. At a younger age, I prided myself off the fact that no one hated me. This, I feel, has caused me a lot of emotional and mental damage. I know I did things out of lack of self worth and as ashamed as I am to say it, lack of self respect. I mean I slept with people so they would like me more. I have matured since than, so I can see the errors in my ways. I just find it’s difficult for people to understand why I did it. All I can say was I wanted people to like me, I wanted to be that girl and if I gave people what they wanted, I thought I would be. You know it turns out life isn't that way. AAHH! I just blamed so many things on being fat. I mean I had girls be so mean to me in middle school who said they were my friends and had been for previous years. A girl who said she was my best friend dared her neighbor to see how far he could get with me. He did, but I was innocent than. He had me backed in a corner... I'm sure you can imagine the rest. My own friends. How sick. I never thought what crazy people. I thought wow something must be wrong with me. Honestly even today, telling that story out loud brings me to tears. I lived with my Grandparents at the age of 7 while my parents were building the house they live in today. My Grandpa was a heavy machinery mechanic so he worked nights. He taught me to read and watched me everyday after school. He was like my father since my real one was never home. We eventually moved out and had been over at their house visiting. My cousins were there and my mom said we had to go home. I threw a baby fit and went to sit in the car. My Grandpa was standing outside and lipped Olive juice to me (cause it looks like I love you). I just gave him a dirty look because I was so mad and than we left. My grandpa died that Friday; Father’s day weekend. I have never felt so guilty about anything in my life. My Grandpa’s death has haunted me since the day he died. Even typing this right now is making me sick to my stomach. Since I had been so confident to go to middle school, and the girls were so mean, I was dreading high school. I started smoking pot over the summer. I just had such a big fear of saying something wrong that I wanted to make sure I could have an excuse. Saying oh because I was high gave me the illusion of being cool. I started getting into heavier drugs and hanging out with people who only wanted to take advantage of me. I let them. Knowingly. I just wanted so bad to be a part of a group, I was dumb. Eventually I transferred schools and started living better and made real friends. One day I had missed the bus and my mom was really mad that she had to take me to school. We had been talking about a family friend of ours that my mom had always kept on a Pedi stool even though she’s stupid as shit. She had always compared my sister and me to her and her brother. My mom than started talking about me losing weight and here are her exact words, “I just don’t think you are the kind of girl that guys look at.” Today I know my mom didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I just felt like mentally I had grown up a lot and no longer had a surface hate for myself, had good grades and was off drugs. It just felt like it was never enough. It was never going to be enough. Let’s just say my high school cycle repeated itself with the self hate and the drugs. Today, my mom is so proud of me. My whole family is. My mom had called me one day and said you need to take a new picture because when you call I see one of this fat girl. I know it was supposed to be a compliment but it hurt. I felt like if I ever gained the weight back she wouldn’t love me as much. I mean I know it’s because she wants me to be all I can but my mind just won’t take it that way. I know I still have self hate in my body. It’s deep in there but I can feel it. When I have time to think, I don’t have very happy thoughts. After losing 90 pounds I should but just don’t. I go in for a screening for counseling on September 3rd but have nothing in the meantime. I have a guy who’s like my brother to confide in, but he has been away for the past year and doesn’t have much time to talk. Oh and I do have a boyfriend but don’t tell him anything about this because he takes it personally. Stupid I know but he’s been here since before I had the surgery and is now more insecure now that I am thin. I just wish I didn’t care about what other people think.

Good luck to you on your weight loss journey my friend. Though others who haven't walked in the shoes of a person morbidly obese, may say that surgery is the "easy way out", I'm hear to tell you that there isn't anything easy about this procedure at all. So the first tip I will give you is this, prepare to work your ass off, cause thinking that this is the magical cure all for your weight-loss blues is going to sourly disappoint you. You have got to prepare your mind and will power for this life changing procedure. Because its just that, life changing. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food (i.e. using food as a cope mechanism, addict, emotional eater, etc) then I would highly suggest that you need to deal with those issues first before going under the knife. Get a very good support system in place to help you mentally deal with those things prior to the surgery. For me I had friends who had already had the surgery that I could lean on for advice, and I was seeing a therapist to deal with some of my emotional issues related to stress/food/and image issues. Because once you get cut on and have 80% of your stomach removed, you won't be able to use food as a comfort release or coping mechanism as you may have done in the past. I learned that lesson the absolute hard way and I spent a good bit of my first year post surgery fixing and dealing with those mistakes that I made, because I wasn't as mentally ready for the surgery as previously thought. And experiencing dumping once or twice and needing IV fluids to be able to see, and comprehend again will make you follow the damn meal plans. Carbonation beverages I would just avoid, especially the first year or so. Now you will have a lot of people here that say never do it and some say its alright, I leave that up to you for you are an adult and can make your own decisions on that. For me I do rarely consume carbonated beverages (maybe a soda or hard cider ever 2 to 4 months at most), but I mostly find comfort in drinking flavored water, tea, coffee, and juice. I use to be about a 1.5/2liter a day diet Pepsi drinker and now I may have a can every 6 to 8 weeks at most and usually when I am out. I haven't really had a beer in like almost two years but I have consumed hard alcohol like Tequila, Rum, Bourbon, and Whiskey. Alcohol is very different for me now in that I don't need no where near as much as I did pre-surgery to get a buzz. So because of that and the fact that I don't like the "buzzed/drunk" feeling I limit the amount of alcohol I consume too. If I am out socially I usually have one to two drinks at most and I sip them slowly throughout the evening to minimize the affects that the alcohol will have on me. As the farther out from surgery I have gone, my tolerance has slowly increased, but its nowhere near where it was at per-surgery. Again not a bad thing because alcohol, especially beer is empty calories, and gas which you will not need. Trust me on the gas part cause being bloated is an absolute pain in the gut literally. I say all of that in the regards that you don't need the stuff really. Those first 12 to 24 months you should honestly be focused on eating properly and getting into a good workout/exercise routine so that you can continue to post gains(weight loss) while your VGS is still in its magical weight-loss phase. Cause eventually you will hit the stall and the tool will at some point stop being so magical. Get into good habits and work your ass off literally and you will see the difference. Sex Yes it will change. If you had low stamina and energy, it will increase. I mean you will have a lot less weight and body mass to deal with, so there is that bonus too. Also men tend to store testosterone in their fat cells, so the more fat you burn off the more testosterone you will be releasing into your blood stream. This means more hair growth, stronger erections, huge sexual desires, and if you hit the gym a lot some more strength. Guys with erectile issues may see those issues go away when they lose the weight off. Also your confidence will start to grow the more the weight comes off. You will look and feel better in your clothes. If you have a lot of fat padding around your pelvic area that will shrink away, which can help in penis growth a bit. Less fat around the "Ram Rod of Justice" I say the better for both you, your ego, and his/her pleasure (for my bi/gay friends there don't wanna leave you all out). I say all of this because I too was in your shoes almost three years ago. Hell if they would have told me about the sexual benefits, as well as me buying normal size clothes in normal stores I would have done the surgery years ago. Instead all I heard about or feared was the complications from the surgery, and all the foods I could no longer eat. Yeah sometimes I do miss being able to eat anything I wanted to eat, but I wouldn't go back to it at all. Because now I enjoy so so much more out of life than what is on my plate.

Definitely be careful regarding the coping mechanisms. Especially with alcohol. I have several people at my job who have had the procedure and spouses/relatives that had the procedure. Several of them (like 30% which is a crazy rate) became serious alcoholics. I can only think this was a new way to self medicate. Sent from my Nexus 6P using BariatricPal mobile app

Thanks guys! the only thing I'm not fully getting in is the exercise due to my setback and then i had a severe constpation issue, I started the C25K but I will have to restart that next week after my (TMI) butt soreness has gone away and i can walk better. I haven't been able to consume alot as i get full really fast, I'm now beginning to hit my water goals. i have been getting in the protein thanks to the shakes but my doc told me to increase my food intake which seems like a difficult task but I'm trying. It's just so depressing that i feel im doing everything in my power to do this right and i don't feel it's working. I've stepped back from te scale everyday and now I'm on it maybe every 2 days. I'll try to stay away from it. btw, the only thing I've ever drank was water, i don't drink alcohol nor sodas and here lately, I've been drinking diet snapple which is on my list from the doc.

I trashed my pre-op diet 5 days prior to surgery due to a long standing business arrangement. I resisted all alcohol but I did enjoy a small fillet steak with spinach and grilled tomato on the side followed by good blue cheese and two crackers. 1400 calories by my best estimate. After my surgery 2 days ago my consultant commented on how well my pre-op had prepared my liver and so I smiled and agreed. Your mileage may vary...

Ive had two friends after surgery become very addicted to alcohol and someone stated above the addiction transfers to another form. They have gained their weight back and now are addicted to alcohol as well. Its not a good idea to only change one facet in your life might as well make the change to all areas and start fresh!

I was told absolutely no alcohol for the first 6 months and then to be careful of carbonated beverages after the fact. I realize every doctor has different schedules so listen to your doctor. That being said I would warn anyone about alcohol use after surgery. I worked as a substance abuse counselor for many years and treated many individuals that cross addicted from food to alcohol. It is a very slippery slope. I’m not saying anyone here is headed in that direction but just a friendly reminder that it is very possible. Unfortunately those individuals not only had to address new addictions but had generally caused many additional medical issues as a result of the drinking.

we were advised by my clinic not to drink any alcohol until we were at least a year out.

My surgeons office has a one year minimum on alcohol, but not everyone follows that. Let me tell you about my uncle though... he had Gastric Bypass and a few weeks after surgery he thought it'd be okay to start drinking beer. He had one about every other day. A few months go by and... they tell him he has cirrhosis of the liver. The thing is that before his surgery there was absolutely nothing wrong with his liver. Now after drinking 3-4 beers a week he developed cirrhosis. Apparently it's rare and only happens in like 2% of people (or so he was told), but within six months he was dead. My uncle had lost 180 pounds and had the surgery to extend his life because he had a young daughter and now she'll never remember him. He's been gone for four years. Don't drink until the doc tells you ok and even after that monitor your health really closely because you don't know if that 2% will be you. Just a word of warning... Also, I didn't tell you this to scare you, I just wanted to caution you on how serious it is to follow the doctor's orders. I can't help but think that if my uncle had waited the full year that he might still be alive.

It was my doctor that told me that the stomach does not digest alcohol the same way as before surgery. He was the one that told me that your metabolism does not process acohol effectively and yes a sip would affect differently post surgery I don't think anyone is on here to scare anyone. We are just sharing information told to us by our medical professionals.

oh also, my nurse said that they tell people you cant drink alcohol for 6-12 months after, but in reality by 3 months you can. You'll just get drunk quicker, sober quicker, but it stays in your bloodstream longer (so no driving or you'll get a dui), something to do with your liver processing the alcohol...

I don't understand why you'd want to get this if it hasn't been around for a long time. The sleeve is very safe, without a lot of surgical connections/re-routing. I was sleeved on Sept. 26th. My diabetes was gone in 2 days! The other co-morbidities, sleep apnea & non-alcoholic fatty liver will go away in 3 - 4 months.

Am I the ONLY one who wasn’t given a diet plan?? I was given a rough caloric intake count and that’s IT. I’m still stuck at 145- but yes I eat mostly anything I want in tiny amounts- except alcohol of course. I always thought people gained weight from alcohol or maybe over stuffing them self? After gastric bypass- so far, there’s no way of eating enough to gain more than 1 lb of water weight... I know this can change in 5 years?? Also- to break plateau I was thinking of All liquid protein and some chicken and lettuce? I cannot go without all sugars and carbs... it makes me crazy ... however I do eat sugar from berries. Now sure what else to try. I can’t digest most animal meats still- so anything Keto just won’t work... too much cheese won’t work either. Too bad people have to be so mean to each other and take things with such a heavy heart... 🤷🏻‍♀️😐💜💜💜

I'm well adjusted. But it took over a year to get here. I do not exercise. I do not weigh my portions. I drink alcohol. I do not regurgitate my food. I am losing 6-8 lbs a month. I'm happy. And I do not beat myself up about what I put in my mouth. Average meal is 1/3 cup 5 times a day I eat protein mostly. I tolerate salads as well. No bread.

O I like the chocolate chip pure Protein. I also have some Protein Bars from Bariatric Choice that I like. But I try to eat more nutrious meals to get the Vitamins and minerals. Plus I have been having issues with diarrhea, nutritionist told me it is the sugar alcohol that is causing it. Plus with not having my gallbladder I can't tolerate fatty meats. I have been getting pains just below my breast bone occasionally for about two weeks now. Went to primary dr not my heart or lungs. The pain is like a brick on my chest or someone has a vice grip twisting my chest. The weird thing is that they happen at night but it happened the other morning on our way to the shore. Every time this happens I get up and eat 1 oz of nuts and the pain subsides. Going to have dr check it tomorrow.

I am having my surgery on January 12th. Sounds like I'll be sharing my date with Betsygirl, LisaRT and sherrie sosa . . .WOW!!!! How many others are out there??? I am having my surgery at Genesis Medical Center in Davenport, IA and my surgeon is Dr. David Aanastad. I start my pre-op diet on Monday, Dec 29th. It pretty much limits sugar, fat, caffeine, grains and alcohol. Guess I won't be drinking for New Year's Eve :cool2: Oh well, it'll be worth it!!!! Yesterday I had an afternoon of many appointments which made it all seem very real for me. I'm very anxious and nervous at the same time. I'm nervous about the actual surgery but think I'm also afraid of feeling hungry afterwards. I know that sounds CRAZY, but I know that when I'm really hungry I feel tired and cranky and I feel sorry for anyone near me :eek: :thumbup:

Hi - I'm new here & so will apologize upfront if posting in wrong place on wrong topic, etc. I'm considering banding. Am wondering if anyone here was advised to not have the banding due to psych reasons (example: doctor thinks that you won't be consistent with pre & post-op diets, etc.)? I think a huge portion of my battle with food is similar to those with drug/alcohol addictions. I definitely have a "mind-game" going on with food. What do you do if you have the surgery & afterwards the cravings & addiction mindset continue? I had a counselor once advise me against banding because it was her opinion that my problem was a "head" problem. I guess I'm wondering how those of you out there who would identify yourselves as "food addicts" prior to banding are doing now? How tough is this mentally, not just physically?

I hear ya. Artificial sweeteners are my last vice!!! (well, almost :waytogo: ) My next step is to swear off of sugar alcohols....they just don't agree with me. Splenda & aspartame make me hungrier, but don't mess with my blood sugar beyond that. I'm very happy that you've got yours under control. Just awesome!

By the way, it IS a proven medical fact that alcohol kills brain cells.

steelergirl, if you can cite a reputable study that says it kills brain cells, bring it on. Otherwise you are just repeating what someone else told you which may are may not be true. I do know that some people have problems with it. I have known people that had problems - I lived with a husband. but I'm a 53 year old woman, I have been using it since I was 25 on and off. I have never had problems quitting when I needed to. I have had the same good job for the last 15 years and I don't live in my parents basement. I know that drug and alcohol counselors and the drug treatment community see things a certain way and one of the reasons is that they only come in contact with people who use drugs and alcohol in negative ways and don't really understand casual users of drugs and some of them don't even really understand casual alcohol use. People who don't have problems with drugs don't go to drug counselors of their own free will. Sometimes people that would not have a problem if marijuana was legal get forced into treatment because of a positive drug test or because of an encounter with law enforcement. These people don't always need treatment. They just happened to be unlucky. I have know people who really did have a problem with marijuana. I had a husband that worked probably 2 years out of the 10 I was with him. He would sit in his chair, watch TV, pour him a coke, smoke weed and then smoke a few cigarettes and then start all over. I would go to work and come back and he would be in the same place.

Most people drink to relax a little. When I've drink wine I do not drink to get drunk because I don't like that feeling. Most people also smoke marijuana to relax a little. Most people don't want to get so high or drunk they are out of control or unconscious. Assuming most people who drink or smoke marijuana once or twice a week are drug addicts or alcoholics is insulting and I wouldn't have gone there if you hadn't said what you said.

..... exercise?Walking the day I got home. Swimming and circuit training 4/5 weeks ....drink alcohol? I don't drink so never asked .... smoke cigarettes? ( I am sure the doctor would tell you not to start again.) I quit on August 27 and won't be starting back. .... smoke marijuana? It makes your body retain Water and slows the bodies ability to make more lean muscle and I don't do drugs so never asked. ... anything else? Fly out for business trips after two weeks. Caffeine after 14 days I did wait until seven weeks to start drinking coffee.

I don't drink anything other than water. Tea or protein cocoa in the wintertime on occasion. I do not drink alcohol at all. I have not tried Lactaid pills. I may have to try that. Bada beans sound awesome. Where do you get them? I never heard of them. Funny thing is that this nutritionist is from my bariatric surgeons office. TY