Search the Community

Dahlia, to be honest, I've never seen you post, to my knowledge. You've only been here for 11 days. That isn't enough time to meet many people, let alone decide if the entire board is supportive or unsupportive. There is a shit-load of people at this board who have gone through hell to get their bands, and they would be more than happy to give you support if you would ask for it instead of demanding it as your due. People don't react well to statements that come across as demands. There are always going to be people that have clashing personalities. That's part of life. At least the people here are going to tell you like it is, instead of saying, "Poor you, everything you are doing is perfectly right and everyone who says otherwise is attacking you." Support doesn't always mean agreeing with people, it is about helping you to learn what is appropriate and what isn't. You wouldn't consider a person that says to a drug addict, "You just keep doing everything you're doing and don't change a thing" as being supportive, would you? Dahlia, if you stay, you will get support. But you will also get constructive criticism and tough love, if necessary.

That's why I asked. I didn't want to pass judgement and make a possibly regretable remark without knowing what you were disgusted by. I have to agree with Carlene. No one is forcing anyone to read threads at this board. If anyone doesn't want to read a certain thread or get involved in political or religious discussion, they don't have to. We aren't standing behind anyone with a whip at their computer saying, "You MUST read this! Or else!" To imply that this single thread makes the entire site unsupportive is simply illogical.

Cleo, the hardest thing for me was actually getting my head around the fact that my body COULD be sustained on a 5th or so of what I had been consuming before my surgery. I was an overeater and binger, and so this has taken some time to get used to, but I am getting there. I mean I FEEL full after about 1/2 - 1 cup of food now, which is the point of the band (and I knew this!) but it took a while for my food addicted head to catch up and realise that this is ok and I can put the fork down when I feel this way. I've been lucky in that I haven't had any of the issues that some bandsters have (touch wood!) with reflux and PBing and unsupportive Drs, friends and family and such. I think we all face our own challenges with the band. It is a life change, and we all make the decision to go ahead with it for our own many and varied reasons. That said, not a day goes by that I don't think to myself "I wish I had of done this sooner".

:angry :nervous Hi All, I am trying to get a date for my lapband surgery. I feel so frustrated. My doctor's office is in the process of moving and the new office doesn't even have a phone yet!! So the woman in the current office emailed my message to the new office. I have been three months with this hanging over my head. Tomorrow I go for my consultation with the Psychiatrist and the Nutritionist. The last evaluations i need before they can operate. I just want a date so I can plan. My husband has been a real pain about the whole thing. Not unsupportive but certainly not "whatever you need". I booked the appointment for tomorrow because I could have back to back appointments. This made sense to me since it is an hour drive to the hospital. My mom agreed to come down and baby sit. It is a long drive for her, but she really wants to do it. This way my husband does not have to take off of work. All is well. But in his mind I should have done the appointments on separate days and taken my daughter to his parents instead. Yeah, that is a great idea except who wants to schlep into North Philadelphia two time instead of 1 and HE HAS YET to TELL his PARENTS that I am having this surgery! :faint: I could scream! Thanks for letting me rant. how is everyone else's day going?

I was over 9lbs when I was born. A chubby child, had to shop at Sears in the "pretty plus" section. My mom made a lot of my clothes too. I was and am tall so I wore my weight well, but have never been skinny. I was about 30lbs from my ideal weight when I was 20 (did nutrisystem them). But, stopped that and gained all my weight back. I don't know what it's like to shop for normal clothes. I want to put on a pair of jeans and look darned good in them! You know...even though I'm married, I'd love to know if when I get to goal, if any other guy would look at me and think I was pretty! I don't hear it from my husband....guess that's why folks who lose weight also lose the extra baggage from an unsupportive spouse!!!

Ok, if you read my response to this same question say before I got the band or a few months after I would have told you that I told no one really but my parents and my hubby. NOW I am telling people more (for good and bad) because I am proud of myself. I think that if you start out as a secret that is ok. But after awhile you may tell and that is ok too! I am surprised at how many I thought would be unsupportive or judgemental really aren't at all! Good luck either way to you!

I cannot believe how negative and unsupporting people can be at times, I just read a very dissapointing message on the forum and it annoyed the hell out of me! I've taken the id name out cos I don't wanna cause trouble but here is the exact quote that a future bandster wrote to a bandster. [b]*******....A year has passed and all you lost is 32 pounds? that doesn't seem like asuccess rate to me....Sounds like .5 pounds a week.[/b] How awful? Turns out this person had got dates wrong and the bandster in question had only been banded last month. I imagine how he/shewould have felt if he/she was a slow loser and had taken a year to lose 32lbs, not very encouraging is it?

I cannot believe how negative and unsupporting people can be at times, I just read a very dissapointing message on the forum and it annoyed the hell out of me! I've taken the id name out cos I don't wanna cause trouble but here is the exact quote that a future bandster wrote to a bandster. [b]*******....A year has passed and all you lost is 32 pounds? that doesn't seem like asuccess rate to me....Sounds like .5 pounds a week.[/b] How awful? Turns out this person had got dates wrong and the bandster in question had only been banded last month. I imagine how he/shewould have felt if he/she was a slow loser and had taken a year to lose 32lbs, not very encouraging is it?

There is lots of research to say that lapband is successful for the majority of patients, it has a signifcantly lower risk particularly in the immedate post op period. Do your own research- search for stuff through databases like pubmed, medline if possible-these should give you reliable information from medical & nursing journals-don't overlook research from europe, mexicao and Austrlalia- they have all been doing lap band for longer than the US and have more long term stats There is also a book titled "Lap Band for life" (sorry i don't have the author at present but you will find it easily on amazon) Ask questions in places like this forum, give your PCP a kick in the pants for being so unsupportive (Do it the hard way!!!!!! even if she thinks this she should not say it to the patient!!) Once you have found all the info from as many different sources, make the decision that is right for you- you are the person that has to live with your choice, which everway you chose I am an RN and I get so angry when I hear of health professionals pushing there own biased personal thoughts onto patients- they are supposed to be your health advocate, someone who helps you make decisions rather than dictate. All surgical procedures require informed consent and I do not believe a patient can make an informed choice/consent if they do not have the information about all the options

Oh he is not being unsupportive. I actually insisted on the dinner because even though he said it was fine not to go and he was okay with that I know that deep down he really did want to go out. If my nurse had said no I could not eat anything then I know he would have insisted we stay home. I had a very small salad...basically just lettuce with a tiny bit of dressing. I am actually ok with it. He knows we are not having any cake on monday and he is okay with that.

I don't want to answer the wrong question, so forgive but are you looking for the perspectives of SUPPORTIVE bandsters who have UNSUPPORTIVE spouses? Or the perspective of UNSUPPORTIVE spouses who have banded SOs? Or something else? :help:

:help: I dont know about the rest of you, but I really wish now that I had kept my mouth shut and not told everyone I was having surgery. :speechles I thought by sharing with everyone that I was educating people and maybe encouraging others who are battling obsesity. And I dont know, maybe I am. But I am really frustrated with select few coming up to me every week asking the same :censored: questions..... "How much have you lost? Are you following your diet? Are you exercising? How much? What size do you wear now? I thought you would have lost ALOT more with surgery. Was it worth it? Wow you spent all that money and only lost _ lbs. Can I have your old clothes?" And one even have the audacity to come up to me in a restaurant while at lunch and say "oh I just came to see what you were eating ." :heh: Hello people! When did the world get so rude?! I am really frustrated. Yeah, I thought I would be losing faster too, but I am not telling my unsupporters that. I keep telling myself I didnt get to 380 overnite and its not going to come off overnite. The scale is moving in the right direction and thats all that should matter. right? Well I totally understand now why some people chose not to share with the world about this journey. Wishing I had been that smart. :phanvan

I told my sister about having the band last night. We had talked about it before and she was not supportive about it. So I didn't tell her anything else and she didn't know I went to Mexico or anything. So when I told her she was very surprised. She knew why I hadn't told her. She said, "You know I wasn't trying to be unsupportive but I just didn't think you needed it is all." I know that she didn't and that she loves me no matter what I do or look like or don't do for that matter. I was so relieved to tell her. She was like, No wonder you weren't eating anything! You were being so shady! So now I feel like I can relax around her and she will be understanding of what I eat or don't eat. So I am glad I told her.

My husband is my support and is very excited for me! I chose not to tell my two step daughters, 19 and 15 and two daughters 5 and 7. Parents don't have to tell their kids everything. We have a right to our privacy. My mom was also not supportive in the beginning. I had to come to a place that I didn't need her permission or need her validation with my decision. Now that she sees I am doing so well, she is asking me, how am I doing, am I not eating enough, am I taking Vitamins, will I become anemic... But, she is not being unsupportive about it. Audree

hey my ladies... i dont know if you've all checked it out or not, but www.fitday.com is awesome for keeping track of your calories/carbs/fat/protein I never thought I would really like web site like that, but you can find ANY food and create your own custom ones (by entering the nutrition labels in and naming them yourself). You get and exact count of what your eating. Then you can go in and get charts of what you eat Vs. what you burn. You can see what your eating in what proportions. So much easier than writing it down on paper. Just thought I'd pass it along since I was a skeptic about it too. :-) bkwalling -- so glad your dad is doing a bit better Kaydot -- i am going to join a gym today, well the YMCA anyway. (no joining fee for the month of January) and "hugs" back to you. That must have been really neat to meet all of those other bandsters as well. I wish I had something like that around here Steph -- "I'm counting on dr dreamy to stick it in the port the FIRST time!" DAMN girl... Freud would have "fun" with that one... hehe I bet he could hit it the first time too... ha ha ha ha VAbandster -- yep the Water retention and "natural" bloating with make the band tighten up for many people. Ive read about it on a bunch of other threads jill -- conrats on the weight loss!! GO! GO! GO! Just imagine us in 6 months... a bunch of hot mamas transformer -- good luck with your classes. It might be a blessing in disguise... something else to focus on and take your mind off of the "scales" smith -- congrats on keeping your wits about ya on your big night out. I wish I had your will power when I comes to that. I try to stay away now, becuase I like to have just a bit too much fun :-) Nat -- hey baby girl... i know what you mean about your sister. my family is kind of the same way. my mother especially. She always seems like she wants to just stay smaller than me. Even if it isnt "skinny" at least I am bigger than she is. She annoys me becuase she was totally unsupportive and now she tries to jump in and say "you shouldnt be eating that!" Well, if she would have found the time to particiapte and educate herself about my procedure, she would have learned that I can eat many things... just not much of them. I feel like she is just watching and waiting for me to screw up. She does it to my younger brother too (he is only 15) she is always talking about how she tries to slip on a pair of his shorts or borrow a shirt to go outside... and his clothes are SO BIG on her. Its sick. I think she likes keeping us big on propose becuase she cant lose the weight.

It is so true what you said about if you are miserble (which is how we feel on a diet) it is hard to stay on a diet. I think what contributes to it is our past record of failing at losing and peoples unsupportiveness. We are also just being preventative of our health!!!! Audree

Hi all- I just received an apology from Persistance, saying she did not mean to come across to hard on our WonderMom here. When responding to her, I realized, I too had handled it wrong. While she was harsh in the way she said things, she too is honestly looking out for Wonders safety. She deals personally with abusive relationships, and has seen the worst happen. NONE of us want that for Wonder, we all have different ways of voiceing that, and advising her. Some of us wish we could just go pull her out of the house, and fix it all for her!!! We can't. Dammit! Anyway--please know wonder, that we all just want the best for you, we worry about you. Many of us have been where you are, and know it can go from bad to worse very quickly, and we just want you to be proactive rather than reactive to things he says and does. Keep in contact with your attorney, and with us---even when we say things you don't like it is done, hoping to help you. I really do not believe anyone is trying to be unsupportive, we all just show it in different ways. Tough love is afterall still love---just wrapped up differently. Hang in there Wonder---we're all here! Kat

Did you read what was written or do you have your selective memory engaged? Here's what was said - since you seem hung up on misquoting me, I'll cut and paste. Steph asked "ok so now how do you keep others out?" Note, she didn't say THE others (as in the other December Bandsters). She said OTHERS as in any people we don't know. I answered: HA! I don't think we can keep others out, but we can ignore them if they post in here. (((laughing))) That was mean, and of course I didn't mean it. Now if you know more about what I meant by those words, then by all means, explain it to me. Nothing I've done or said is hypocritical. There are numerous explanations as to why we post in that thread over there. I invite you to read (and understand) what was said. You're the main person vocalizing your displeasure about the thread. Stirring up unnecessary drama is as unsupportive as one can get, as far as I'm concerned. Just as YOU said: "It was so much easier to check in today, so fewer posts!!! I think since a large group within this group took off to another place (yeh, being I just got here, I was a little offended by that, but whatever, there are other GREAT people left behind with me... so I'm happy about that!) And it has made it easier to stay caught up!!! YEH!" That was our motivation to take our personal chit chat to another place - it's easier to keep up. Any other questions? Or can we put this behind us now? Nathalie

I went to my Psych Eval last night. Turns out, I'm not crazy, lol. This Psych has me come to her 4 x per the first year. I have to go see her again on the 8th, then at 6 mos post op, and then at 1 yr post op. I did like her, she worked in a hospital for 20 yrs with Non surgical weight loss people. She is very familiar with behavior motification when it comes to food. I was impressed. She also suggested the book "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies", She had it sitting on her desk. I think I might purchase the book. I also bought the book, Eating well after Weight loss surgery. I got it off Ebay. I also paid my deposit to my surgery yesterday ($600) Ouch, that hurt. So, there is no backing out for the surgery. I also wanted to share something the Psych told me. She asked how my spouse would handle my losing weght. She said many times the "other" person in our life, will become insecure with our new bodies and they don't know how to handle it. I told her he will love the new me and is encouraging, plus he has seen my skinny to fat, fat to skinny, then back to skinny to fat so many times, he is used to my changes. lol. Also, she warned me that after surgery the Anethesia does some weird things to some people, depression could sit in, but we just have to work thru it. Personally, I don't see that happening to me, I've had 5 surgeries in the past 2 years and have been put under each time. I had no problems. She also stated that at about 4 to 5 months, we will go thru a grieving stage. We start missing the food. Thats when we start thinking, "why did I do this". By this time, we have lost some weight, but we start missing the "old habits". This is a time we need to be prepared and think of the positive. Perhaps before the surgery, make a list of WHY your doing the surgery. When you start feeling down around 4 to 5 months out, take your list and remind yourself why you did it. She said not all experieince this but some do. I have a feeling I might experience this. I remember when my cousin (who is also my best friend) got the gastric bypass, I started resenting her a bit. Mainly because we no longer could "enjoy" the food together. We always had lunches, dinners, together when we would get together to scrapbook. We would always have tons of junk food. I would go pick up the delicious "great wall of chocolate" cake from PF CHANGS. Its 7 layers of chocolate, with a rasberry sauce, delish. Her & I would eat the entire thing. I think I will miss food. I have no doubt about it. However, I will not miss being fat! I will not miss my health problems that go along with being fat. I now realize that I was being selfish towards my cousin when she had the gastric bypass. I was very unsupportive of her and for that I am ashamed of myself. I look back at it and it was all because I resented the fact she would no longer be my "eating" friend. I have since apologized, and now we are looking for other things to enjoy together besides eating junk food. Over New Years Eve, we rented a bunch of movies and worked on belly dancing. lol. Pinky - thanks so much for the compliment. I always do try to be positive. I always say that worrying and stressing will not change a thing, except it can cause you more wrinkles, High BP, so why worry about things you cannot change. Jen - Staples? I have heard of some getting staples. I'm sure you will heal of up fine. I am going to ask my doc about it when I go see him on Monday. I want strips darn it, not staples. Mainly because I'm a baby and won't want to have them removed. So glad your feeling better, don't forget to drink your Water, stay hydrated. Okay, its Friday, I have a ton of paperwork on my desk, I'm taking off work for 3 weeks, so I must get caught up. Everyone have a wonderful weekend, I usually don't check in on the weekends, but I might be able to.

Okay--phewww 4 pages read. You guys are fast, but at least I know you all. Jill-to answer your question, some of us were trying to reach out to our girls that we felt we bonded with fromthe beginning. I am still planning to be a member of the December thread andthe rest of LBT, but this is a place where I hope we can all expand our friendships. The exclusiveness is not meant to be hurtful, it is more of a filter so we can chat with our friends. I will still look to give and get support on the original thread, but I will come here first to check up on my "steady girls". I also do not oppose having a private group on yahoo or something where we can post pictures and things that won't be broadcast across the WWW a la Paris Hilton. hehe Transformer-congrats on the loss and great checkup. I know I could do a backflip right now if I thought I could eat some tuna. Sad but true! Sweethot-do you need some tough love? :::looking for Nat:::: (btw, I don't think anything Nat said was remotely unsupportive) Anywho-wakeup fresh tomorrow and have a plan for the day. if we don't take the time to plan, we will all be faced with that type of temptation. We should not get ourselves to the point of being so hungry that we make bad choices. It is a learning experience. Please ask for ideas if you need some for foods. I am sure one of us will be in a similair spot and will have the answer. BKwalling-I too have a pain about an inch below my port that I equate to having someone pull hot thread through my stomach. Sometimes it hurts like a Mo'Fo' and other times it goes away. I thought forsure I flipped the port or something, but I gather it is normal and part of the healing process. Nat-all I keep hearing is "I don't think you're ready for this jelly my body's too bootylicious..." I hope you got your jelly onthe elliptical beast. You know what it takes. Don;t be down. It is just one day on the long road that will lead to great things. No sense in asking how you got here either. The fact is , you did, (as did I) now start moving in the other direction. Dawn-are you potty training? Those days are fun ::sarcasm::: I think I drove around with a potty seat in my loser cruiser for about 6 months. I had a potty on wheels. haha. But whatever it takes. Good luck. Get some rest. Levi-congrats on the transition to mushies :::green with envy!!!::: Chubby-I too measure..I think it is vital! I am totally scale obsessed right now. I think I am on it at least 2 times a day (bad girl). I haven't had it go up yet, but I am still on liquids. I know my slowdown is right around the corner. Now get measuring! Steph-sorry to hear about that kneecap. ouch. Laughing my behind off at barrellbelly and shelf butt. I think I have it on both sides. Though I don't mind my butt that much. It is big,but the shape isn't too bad. )okay, I think I am going nuts...I am totally going to post a behind shot! hahaha) Sorry to hear about the crappy TOM too. ugh...any sooner than 28 days sux! Hang in there and stay away from the sweets. Okay, I know I am missing a bunch of people so I will send a collective hug! I will try to catch up more. There was a lot of reading and typing and this girl is tired. I had my midterm. It was fine and we got to leave at the end. I cannot go to sleep yet because my 10 year old is at the Bruins game and I need to wait up,,,hohum. Got an hour on the treadmill today. Burned 600 calories-or so the machine says(more than I ate--scary!). There are probably 10 more posts in here in the time it took for me to type this. hehe. Talk you lovelies later!

I need to vent about my sister. She is totally unsupportive about me wanting to have plastic surgery after I reach my goal. I started at 320 lbs and had lost 40 lbs before surgery on my own. I'm down a total of 70+ lbs right now. I want to lose another 50. So I am just talking about having plastic surgery. Not that I may really have it or not. She told me a plastic surgeon will never do a TT and lip on someone who is 200 lbs. At 5'9" I look really good at 200 lbs. It just give me something to look forward to. My husband thinks she is jealous because I am taking care of myself again. I only want to look my best. If holding on the idea of having a TT once I reach my goal makes me stick to my diet then I am better for it. What do you think. Am I being to vane?

No, it's not OK for people to kill their infants by starvation. No, it's not OK to abandon them to simply die without care. It's also not OK to throw newborns out of windows (as I just this second heard that a 14-year-old--the baby's "mother"--did yesterday in the Bronx). I do not equate babies with nonviable fetuses, though. And no, I can't firmly define "nonviable" for you. But--to me and so far to the law--a fetus in an early stage of development is simply not a person (yet) and as such does not have rights (yet). And once again, we're back to the "where does personhood begin" discussion, to which there is no one answer that makes sense to everyone. It absolutely breaks my heart that that 14-year-old was so scared, so uneducated, and so unsupported that she felt a window was her best option. Unless we can fix ALL the problems she faced, making girls and women with unwanted pregnancies into captive, unwilling incubators will improve exactly nothing.

I have a couple of comments... 1. I don't necessarily think you should drop your doctor if you don't agree with her opinion. You are paying her to give you her opinion. But you are the person in charge, not her. Ultimately you want to get several medical opinions and then make the decision yourself. If you have had a lot of luck with her as your PCP then I don't see this as a reason to change necessarily. She has her medical reasons for not caring for the surgery... and she may not be up to date on all the procedures. She may think the Lap band causes dumping syndrome, which is true of other bariatric surgeries but not this one. I personally would in general rather have a primary care doctor who is conservative in doling out drugs and recommending surgeries. 2. I have found a lot of people, medical and non medical, are fairly unsupportive of obese people and obesity surgery. People seem to think if you would just try a little harder then you would be able to be like normal people. Doctors probably won't say that out loud to your face, just like most other people won't say it out loud to your face either. But in my experience, they are thinking it in their heads... 3. If you need her approval to get insurance coverage, then you may have to switch doctors... but if you don't have coverage and go to Mexico to have the surgery then I definitely wouldn't tell her you did that. She would probably flip her lid! Good luck...

I really only had pain in my port incision when standing up, sitting down, or walking unsupported. Or the time 2 days post-op when we were driving to visit my parents and DH took a set of train tracks a little fast! When I was in a resting state I had no pain unless I had to cough or sneeze or something. So to me the amount of pain you're feeling is not normal, though to others it sounds like it is.

No one knows about my band 'cept my bandster support buddies and my hubby...My nosey mother is starting to be a pain in the ass, so I have told her basically portion control and exercise...I told her I literally let myself have two bites of anything I want - which is true. She is toxic and would have been unsupportive if I told her I had the band - and if she found out Mexico, she'd lose her miind!!! My relationship with her and the boundaries we've gotten comfortable with are too important to lose or screw up over the surgery...