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Chim: I know just what you mean about feeling like a whale in exercise class. I always think they are looking at me and thinking... “OMG, is she going to have a heart attack”. But what the h@##. Mise well go for it. Congrats. Denise: Go ahead... b@#ch away. You’re right... it is supposed to by your time. I imagine most of us give give give all the time, and when we need something, it can be frustrating when we don’t get the same in return. GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!!!! Linda: I am so sorry. Whenever a child is lost it hurts so many people. As a mom, I can’t imagin losing one of my kids. They are your entire existance and if they are taken away you can seem to exist without them. My prayers are with you. Bloo: Welcome. I’ve got 3 days to banding! I am so excited. Sorry your man is unsupportive. Not to brag, but mine is amazing. 7 years ago I looked into getting the band, but chickened out. My friend got her’s, and had done amazingly well. He knew I always thought about it, so asked me two months ago if I wanted it, we could find a way to pay for it. So I did!!! Every once in awhile he jokes about me leaving him for a younger man. My reply is usually “why would I want to settle for less than perfect, since I already have perfect!” Sunny: 3 days (less really) to go!!!! Please don’t wait for the results of the band to find yourself a good man. You’re such a wonderful person, I’m sure your match is out there (probably close to home). BTW, I met mine through a blind date. We were set up by our respective co-workers, and it really was love at first sight. We met, married a few months later and then our son came along very quickly after that. We’ve been together 10 years, not all wonderful, but all meaningful and prescious. Jeanie: Sorry I missed you tonight. I’m so glad to hear you feel better now than you have in years. I love the sound of that.

~~GOOD FOR YOU JULIE~~ I know it wasn't easy to go your way, but "BRAV-O!" for doing so! And THANK YOU for sharing. No one should put up with a PCP who is unsupportive. This is hard enough as it is! You took the high road, did what you needed to do for YOU and have just about beat that demon for good! I'm so proud of you!!! Katie

My parents are trying to talk me out of Lapband. They said it will "ruin my entire life". It will change my life but I want to be reasonable and not so head-strong for Lapband that I will not even consider anything else.

bannannie - i didnt mean it that way. i was just amazed at your success and kickin my own butt for not being more dedicated. it was nothing against you. I didnt think you'd take it that way girl! Put your ticker back up. Dont be ridiculous. You're making ME feel bad! I wasn't intending to be unsupportive. You should know that! Im here everyday and can't wait to hear from you all. I would never discourage anyone or make them feel bad for their success. Get that ticker back up there girl!

Thankyou for the advice. Unfortunatly she is living with me for awhile so I have to see her everyday. A co worker pointed out to me that she may be jealous of more then just the weight loss, shes jealous because her lifes in turmoil shes living with me because of a bad breakup. and shes jealous i have a wonderful husband, a big house, a successful career. The weight loss would be the icing on the cake and all of that combined makes her envious. I dont know if this is true but it sounds logical. I hope for things to get better and if anyone else reads this i would still like to hear your stories of how you handled unsupportive people. Thanks!

Thankyou for the advice. Unfortunatly she is living with me for awhile so I have to see her everyday. A co worker pointed out to me that she may be jealous of more then just the weight loss, shes jealous because her lifes in turmoil shes living with me because of a bad breakup. and shes jealous i have a wonderful husband, a big house, a successful career. The weight loss would be the icing on the cake and all of that combined makes her envious. I dont know if this is true but it sounds logical. I hope for things to get better and if anyone else reads this i would still like to hear your stories of how you handled unsupportive people. Thanks!

I'm hoping to fly out for three days or so. Then go back for the first fill or two, then I hope to find a closer doc to do fills. Thanks for the support. I have insurance, but don't feel like waiting to jump through all of their hoops, plus I have an unsupportive PCP. The call was actually very liberating. And you nailed it about deserving to be happy. I always put my kids, students, husband, friends, etc, before me. Doing something that benefits me feels so selfish, but in actuality it will benefit all of my relationships!

I totally agree with everyone else.....have only been banded since January but could not imagine what it would be like without a supportive spouse/family member!! He's my rock when things go bad or I'm not losing as fast as I'd like. Life's too short to go through unhappy or unsupported....there are other fish in the sea!!

My co-workers have been a great support. They are always complimenting me on how good I am doing and looking. They are great!! I have resisted telling some family members due to judgement. I really don't want to hear it from them. My immediate family knows but was asked not to tell anyone. My in-laws slipped of course. I wonder if they meant to rat me out!!. My husband has BEEN WONDERFUL. He was concerned w/ the surgery. He said something the other day about how much smaller I am now and it made me feel wonderful and pretty. I do have one friend that I avoid talking about it too much due to her boyfriend complimented me and she was not pleased w/ that comment. She has had problems losing weight, she doesn't seem to say much to me as well. I just know it's hard for her. When ever I notice she has lost weight I always compliment her on the good job. Maybe we need to evaluate how good of friends are they if they are unsupportive in the first place. I know it makes me think. We all have each other on here it seems to be very supportive. I have enjoyed reading and responding to posts. It makes me not feel alone in this journey. :clap2:

I agree with the others. I'd start looking for a band friendly doc. The last thing you want is an unsupportive surgeon!! best of luck to you

Ditto on the tests. They are a major pain, but I know my surgeon and I know more about my health and mental state than my PCP ever did! I had a very unsupportive PCP...in fact he told me 2 yrs ago that he would NEVER OK surgery! (Like being 100+ lbs. overweight is soooooo good for me!) He kept saying that I should go to Weight Watchers (as if I never heard or tried them!) At that point I mentally said "adios" and took it upon myself to start the ball rolling. I had to jump through hoops w/BCBS but it was worth it. Surgery is scheduled for May 16. Getting the testing done meant taking a lot of half days off for dr. appointments. I didn't tell anyone at work (and don't plan to). All my boss knows is I'm having surgery. I'm sure he thinks I have some dread disease like cancer, but too bad, I'm not telling him anything. (And I do have a dread disease-fat-which will kill me if it continues.) As far as any questions afterward, I still won't tell anyone because the company I work for is gossip heaven, and I refuse to have my life picked apart by everyone else. Sorry for the rant, but just keep telling the company that you have doctors appointments and let it go at that. By law they can't get info on your medical condition, so if you have the time off available, go to your appts. and don't worry about it.

For those of you who have mild complications I feel I should explain mine so you don't get confused between what is going on with you in comparison to me which is leading me to band removal..... I seem to have all of them and most people on here just seem to have one or two........they are not listed in any order.... 1. Gurgling sounds. Loud and embarrassing sometimes after just a sip of Water. 2. Shoulder pain in the center but more to the left. It is so bad some days that it radiates down my left arm. Very distracting. It comes and goes. Last episode has lasted 3 days on and off. 3. Extremely tired and need at least 12 hours sleep a night to remain calm enough to handle the day. When I don't get sleep I cry constantly and feel so lonely and unsupported. With sleep I seem to be stronger and more stable. 4. Foggy head and poor concentration. I forget what I just did. Constantly doing things 2 or 3 times because I am not sure if I just did it or not. When people are talking to me for moments at a time I am fully aware that I not comprehending one word they are saying. I get very anxious and have to pull myself back in order to make sense of the words that I am hearing. 5.Can't eat vegetables, fruit or meat. Causes golf balls in the throat feeling and sliming and nausea. I used to vomit with it once in a while. Fortunately have not vomited since a case of stomach flu in early March after which my symptoms reacurred and have slowly gotten worse but before which were fairly decent. Not great but tolerable. Last October before I had the band unfilled they were bad like they are now but relieved from complete band unfill. I don't eat enough now to vomit I think. 6. Resigned to soft foods only. Once in a while I can eat something and not have problems. It is so sporadic that I feel it is no longer worth it to even try. There is just no way to tell before hand, if it will go down or not. I am afraid of further damaging my esophagus. 7. Sore throat. I have an on again off again sore throat since May of 2006. I can get it several times a day or have it constantly for days on end. I have white Patches in my throat all the time. My reg. doctor told me they were common. Not pussy like strep but just some sort of whitish/yellowish something they call a stone. I did have strep twice when I first started seeing doctors in June of 2006 however. 8. Have been running a low grade temp 99.2 - 99.8 off and on since March 5th after the stomach flu and vomiting several times. I should say that I am taking a Tramadol almost every day now and sometimes two. On days I feel better I don't take any but those days seem to be fewer. I am sure that contributes to my memory problems. I am working week day mornings right now and I NEVER take it before or at work. I do not want to be driving while I take tramadol. I am very strict about that. I also think that by now I am pretty mal nourished. Blood tests done on March 22 in the ER (thats another story about the rotten doctor I have) seemed to show nothing that concerned them. I'm not sure how they diagnose mal nutrition. But I think it may be what causes the memory and foggy head thing also. I also should point out that I smoke. I know! Strike me dead! Please no lectures. I have heard them all many times. In March after the flu episode I started on a drug called Chantix to quit smoking it was working fantastically but it caused horrible gas. I lasted almost 3 weeks and had to quit it because I was suffering so badly on top of what was already going on. Immediately I felt a difference in the gas I had but my other symptoms continued to worsen and within a couple of weeks I was smoking again. Try to understand that stress is a trigger for addicted smokers. I just hate admitting that I smoke. But I owe you that addmission in case it could be a contributing factor. As soon as I get better I will quit once and for all with Chantix. Try not to blast me for smoking. That is for another board. I know I should quit especially after having a band. I quit before I had the band placed and started back up several months later and quit since then about 4 times. And if you are still reading this ( I don't blame you if you aren't because it is so long again.)......... But when I read what I posted early today I was embarrassed. I am not going to read this one. Believe it or not I am usually a very shy and private person. I am not usually so vocal but this situation I have found myself in seems to have alienated me from not only doctors but friends and family at one time or another. I often feel no one is listening to me. They are as sick of me being sick as I am. Don't blame them. I don't know why I am blabbing so much today except that I woke up this morning and went right to the computer and started writing. Something I never do on a Saturday. I must be going crazy.

Terry You hit the nail on the head, you are wonderful and being one of the originals on this thread for april 07, I am so excited for you this week, I feel that We have been doing this together. This is the greatest group of people and it is so nice to be able to put your thought, fears, or just silly stories out there and have people relate and really understand. To all you with unsupportive DH, I am so very sorry. My DBF is not going with me but he has to work and is going to try to do his best, but I just don't understand why you ladies are not getting support. Are they afraid of you all being stronger, healthier and life changes? I said last month that I know this surgery is going to make or break us and I don't want it to break us, but if it does, I will be healthier and more confident, but it is an emotional trip no matter how you look at it! HUGS TO YOU ALL

In certain cases, yes, I do. I don't look healthy, and to me, the fact that they've noticed it and care to mention it to me means that they do care about me. Is it supportive if they are constantly harping about it? No. But I do think that telling someone in a kind way that they don't look healthy (when they really don't) isn't unsupportive. I never said she looked "bad". I said she looked better with a few more pounds on her. Even looking skeletal (to me, anyway), she looks better than when she looked completely swollen right before she had surgery.

Please God let a bunch of people be talking about how I have gotten too thin a couple years from now I think she looked better a little chunkier - that is my opinion. She however has the right to do whatever she wants - it is her life and she needs to feel comfortable in her skin. I don't think stating the opinion that she looked better with about 20 more pounds on her is somehow being unsupportive of weight loss surgery or weight loss in general.

The "service" is to be private ...closed casket and no graveside service at all. Mr P has only told about a dozen people of his wife's death. He says he will notify others after she is buried. No obit in the paper...nothing. Mrs P was a practicing Catholic, as am I, so of course I am horrified that there will be no Rosary and no funeral Mass. He says he is trying to keep the whole thing very "simple", but I call it secretive. The girlfriend, he says, is "upset" and "worried" about people's reactions, so he doesn't want anyone to attend who is unsupportive (like me). I think it's VERY bad form to take your mistress to your wife's funeral, but that's just stodgy old me.

My mother used to say "Actions speak louder than words." So many times in my life I've had to fall back on that. My husband SAYS he supports me in this. But the truth of his actions say otherwise. He never went to any support group/informational seminars with me. The only doctor's appointment he went to was the one where I met the surgeon 3 days before surgery. He did take a week off of work to care for the house and kids post op, but I had to hear him grunt and groan about how frustrated he was. This week he brought a bag of chocolate bars in the house. Last week it was tubs of ice cream. He tells our mutual friends he's afraid I'll leave him after I lose weight. A couple of days ago he complained that my surgery is so inconvenient for him because I'm "5x more tired and 5x more b*tchy" plus he can't pick which restaurant we go eat at since I have had certain eating restrictions. I knew going into this I would be without a cheerleader, but now that I'm here post-op I could cry sometimes. I'm willing to rely on myself, but times like these, when he actually makes things more difficult I could just cry and cry. Worst thing is crying usually triggers bad headaches in me so I avoid it usually. I don't know why I'm confessing all this. Maybe because I just find out that a HUGE percentage of lap banders end up getting divorced. I don't know what anyone out there can do. Our marriage has never been a love story written in fairy tales. What we have works, but it's nothing inspirational. The "silver lining" in our marriage is that we have 2 wonderful and happy children and we are very solid parents. As parents we are a perfect match...as a couple...not so much. I've always believed strongly that marriage is like child rearing, it goes through stages and right about the time you figure something out the problems change. LOL That attitude has worked well for the 10 years we've been together. I don't want to end up a statistic. I read someone say that this experience like any other major life change can make strong marriages stronger, and weak ones weaker. But I've never classified myself as having either a strong or a weak marriage. Can anyone relate? Banded 2/23/07, 332 highest weight, 305 at surgery, 285 currently.

Well, DH is telling NO ONE...the only people that know he's having it are the people that I have told, because we're both doing it. I haven't told too many people. The ones I have told have been fairly supportive. My mother on the other hand...feels I just lack discipline and that if I just really "surrendered this problem to God" (NO religious debate here please) I could do it "naturally". I finally just had to tell her to trust me to make the right decision for me and she has since backed off. One person that surprised me, was my medifast health advisor. When I told her I was opting for lap band because I couldn't live on Meal Replacements for years on end, she was quite indignant (sp?) and pulled a superiority complex out on me! I have known this woman for YEARS and never dreamed she would be so unsupportive! But hey...I'm not doing this for "them" I am doing this for my health. I am doing this so I can be the best me, the best wife, mom and future grandma I can possibly be.

Removing my former message, because I don't want to be accused of being "unsupportive". But really, this is getting funny.

Actually Tommy, I hate no one, including Muslims, Catholics and Gays. I hate lies and deception and twisted logic and people making up their own "facts". I am not proud that I lose my cool occasionally what I am confronting and debating several people at once, and listening to unsupported arguments and false truths, but I am still human. When you're confromted by a mod, you tend to get defensive and maybe even a bit offensive. I don't get, as you say "undone", I get fustrated at the blindness and heardened hearts I find here. The sarcasm of you post is just another example. Apparently no one here cares to have a serious discussion about theology or the scriptures so we become a circus. I keep telling myself to just walk away, but I keep allowing myself to get sucked back in. I am open to serious discussion, but I am through arguing with those who don't have eares to hear.

COMMUNICATION boards and the Internet and very much like communication in real life. Some people get along, some don't, some people are attention seekers, some are lurkers. The point is NO ONE is going to get along ALL the time with ALL the people. It doesn't happen in real life and it doesn't happen in cyberlife either. Often, people who feel the need to post dramatic good-byes and publically group "the board" as uncaring and unsupportive have personal issues that they hope "the Board" will resolve. When the advice or opinions are at odds with the person WANTS to hear, the nasty posts begin. I think it's silly to beg a person to stay when SHE/HE is the one who publically announce her/his DESIRE to leave. It's a free country. If you find another place that is supportive of you, by all means GO! To beg or encourage a person to stay only serves to feed the behavior and that's exactly what the person wants... attention. Good luck and best wishes to you on the new board.

I read this today and thought it was helpful, so I thought I would share it with you. Hope you all are having a fabulous day! De-Stress in 3 Minutes or Less Stop Emotional Eating Before It Starts -- By Dean Anderson, Behavioral Psychology Expert What is the single, most common problem that most dieters face when trying to lose weight? Will power? Nah. Temptation? Sometimes. Emotional eating? Bingo! That’s why it takes so much more than good intentions and information about nutrition and exercise to be successful. The ability to manage difficult situations and feelings effectively—without turning to food and eating—is a necessary foundation for a successful weight loss plan and healthy lifestyle. Fortunately, there are many proactive steps you can take to keep functioning on all your mental cylinders during tough times. These steps range widely from basic relaxation techniques to the development of a reliable support network. Other options include: Keeping a food journal to help you identify your emotional eating triggers Cultivating mental and emotional well-being through practices like meditation, mindfulness, massage, and yoga Developing good problem solving skills Turning to the Message Boards for help and support when you need it; offering help to others as a way to get your mind off your own troubles and gain a little perspective on things But all of these things take time, and there are many instances when you need something you can do right now, to keep yourself grounded, focused and able to make good decisions. After all, you don’t always have time to take a walk, relax in a hot bath or call a friend to talk things over. That’s what we’ll be talking about here—a 3-minute trick for handling stressful situations in the moment. Minute 1: Stay Grounded Emotional eating happens when you lose your connection to your grounded self. Stress itself is not what makes you reach for something to eat. In fact, stress is often a good thing and your grounded self knows this! We need the physical stress of exercise to keep our bodies in good shape just as we need the stress of intellectual and emotional challenges to keep our minds healthy. Nine times out of ten, what really leads to emotional eating is getting caught in a "mind storm" of worst-case scenarios, projections, misinterpretations, and all the emotional overreactions that come with these thoughts. This "storm" turns a manageable challenge into something that makes you feel helpless, overwhelmed, ashamed or afraid—and sends you to the kitchen to find something to stuff those extreme feelings. When you can stay grounded in the moment of stress, you have many more options. Here are some simple ideas to keep you grounded when something (or someone) pushes your buttons and your feelings start to spiral out of control: Take a few deep breaths. (You can also count to 10, if that helps.) If the stressful situation involves someone else, take a timeout and agree to continue the discussion in a few minutes. Remind yourself where you are. Take a look around, noticing and naming the colors and shapes in the space around you. Notice the physical sensations you are experiencing. Whether it's a sinking feeling, turmoil in your stomach, tension in your hands or jaw, restricted breathing, or heat on the back of your neck, try to name the feelings that go with the sensation. Is that sinking feeling fear, or dread? Is the heat a symptom of anger? The idea here is to stay in your body and in the moment—with what’s real—instead of going inside your mind where all those unreal scenarios are just waiting to get spun out-of-control. Minute 2: Reality Check Once you’re calm enough to start thinking productively, put all those thoughts that are clamoring for attention inside your head through a quick reality check. Here are several very common thought patterns that have no place in reality. Do any of these apply to you? All or nothing thinking Example: You go over your calorie limit or eat something on your “forbidden” list, and then decide to keep eating because you’ve already “blown it” for today. Reality: Weight loss is not a one-day event. If you stop overeating now, you’ll gain less and have less to re-lose later. That’s something to feel good about! Reading your own thoughts into someone else’s words Example: Someone made a mildly critical or unsupportive remark to you, and you feel completely devastated. Reality: The more bothered you are by such remarks, the more likely it is that you are being overly critical of yourself. When you treat yourself with respect, what others say won’t matter nearly so much. Either-Or thinking Example: You make a mistake or have a bad day and feel like a complete and hopeless failure. Reality: No one does well all the time. Mistakes are a necessary and valuable opportunity to learn—if you don’t waste them by getting down on yourself. Taking care of other people’s business Example: Something is going badly for someone you care about, and you feel responsible, or pressured to fix it. Reality: People need to learn from their own problems. You aren’t doing anyone a favor by trying to fix things just to make yourself feel better. Minute 3: Putting Things in Perspective Most common problems that you face in everyday life are much easier to handle when you keep them in perspective and avoid making mountains out of molehills. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to make sure you aren’t in the mountain-making business: How big a deal is this, anyway? If I knew I was going to die in a week, would this be something I would want to spend this minute of my remaining time on? Will any bad things happen if I postpone thinking about this until I have more time to figure things out? Do I have all the information I need to decide how to respond to this? Do I really know what’s going on here, or am I making assumptions? Am I worrying about things that might not even happen? What do I need to check out before taking action? Is there anything I can do right now that will change or help this situation? Am I trying to control something I can't, like what other people think, say, or do? Have I really thought through this problem, and broken it down into manageable pieces I can handle one-at-a-time? Use this approach whenever your thoughts or situations begin to feel overwhelming, and you'll quickly find that the mountains that seem impossible at first can quickly morph into what they really are—manageable hills that you DO have the ability to climb. All it takes is three little minutes of your time. Article created on: 6/21/2006

And this coming from a man who doesn't have to sincerity to even explain what he believes, while tearing apart others beliefs. You know, I debate, argue and disagree with a lot of people on this thread, but I respect them because that at least have the guts to say what they believe and why they believe it. You have a lot of unsupported opinion and blow a lot of hot air, but don't the the guts to put yourself out there with your beliefs. You are so transparent. Why then should I or anyone take anything you have to say seriously?? Just for the record, I do KNOW that without Jesus you will go to Hell, because Jesus said so, the Bible said so, and I believe it. Now why don't you tell us why you disagree and on what basis, and what you believe!! Do you have the guts???

De-Stress in 3 Minutes or Less Stop Emotional Eating Before It Starts -- By Dean Anderson, Behavioral Psychology Expert What is the single, most common problem that most dieters face when trying to lose weight? Will power? Nah. Temptation? Sometimes. Emotional eating? Bingo! That’s why it takes so much more than good intentions and information about nutrition and exercise to be successful. The ability to manage difficult situations and feelings effectively—without turning to food and eating—is a necessary foundation for a successful weight loss plan and healthy lifestyle. Fortunately, there are many proactive steps you can take to keep functioning on all your mental cylinders during tough times. These steps range widely from basic relaxation techniques to the development of a reliable support network. Other options include: Keeping a food journal to help you identify your emotional eating triggers Cultivating mental and emotional well-being through practices like meditation, mindfulness, massage, and yoga Developing good problem solving skills Turning to the Message Boards for help and support when you need it; offering help to others as a way to get your mind off your own troubles and gain a little perspective on things But all of these things take time, and there are many instances when you need something you can do right now, to keep yourself grounded, focused and able to make good decisions. After all, you don’t always have time to take a walk, relax in a hot bath or call a friend to talk things over. That’s what we’ll be talking about here—a 3-minute trick for handling stressful situations in the moment. Minute 1: Stay Grounded Emotional eating happens when you lose your connection to your grounded self. Stress itself is not what makes you reach for something to eat. In fact, stress is often a good thing and your grounded self knows this! We need the physical stress of exercise to keep our bodies in good shape just as we need the stress of intellectual and emotional challenges to keep our minds healthy. Nine times out of ten, what really leads to emotional eating is getting caught in a "mind storm" of worst-case scenarios, projections, misinterpretations, and all the emotional overreactions that come with these thoughts. This "storm" turns a manageable challenge into something that makes you feel helpless, overwhelmed, ashamed or afraid—and sends you to the kitchen to find something to stuff those extreme feelings. When you can stay grounded in the moment of stress, you have many more options. Here are some simple ideas to keep you grounded when something (or someone) pushes your buttons and your feelings start to spiral out of control: Take a few deep breaths. (You can also count to 10, if that helps.) If the stressful situation involves someone else, take a timeout and agree to continue the discussion in a few minutes. Remind yourself where you are. Take a look around, noticing and naming the colors and shapes in the space around you. Notice the physical sensations you are experiencing. Whether it's a sinking feeling, turmoil in your stomach, tension in your hands or jaw, restricted breathing, or heat on the back of your neck, try to name the feelings that go with the sensation. Is that sinking feeling fear, or dread? Is the heat a symptom of anger? The idea here is to stay in your body and in the moment—with what’s real—instead of going inside your mind where all those unreal scenarios are just waiting to get spun out-of-control. Minute 2: Reality Check Once you’re calm enough to start thinking productively, put all those thoughts that are clamoring for attention inside your head through a quick reality check. Here are several very common thought patterns that have no place in reality. Do any of these apply to you? All or nothing thinking Example: You go over your calorie limit or eat something on your “forbidden” list, and then decide to keep eating because you’ve already “blown it” for today. Reality: Weight loss is not a one-day event. If you stop overeating now, you’ll gain less and have less to re-lose later. That’s something to feel good about! Reading your own thoughts into someone else’s words Example: Someone made a mildly critical or unsupportive remark to you, and you feel completely devastated. Reality: The more bothered you are by such remarks, the more likely it is that you are being overly critical of yourself. When you treat yourself with respect, what others say won’t matter nearly so much. Either-Or thinking Example: You make a mistake or have a bad day and feel like a complete and hopeless failure. Reality: No one does well all the time. Mistakes are a necessary and valuable opportunity to learn—if you don’t waste them by getting down on yourself. Taking care of other people’s business Example: Something is going badly for someone you care about, and you feel responsible, or pressured to fix it. Reality: People need to learn from their own problems. You aren’t doing anyone a favor by trying to fix things just to make yourself feel better. Minute 3: Putting Things in Perspective Most common problems that you face in everyday life are much easier to handle when you keep them in perspective and avoid making mountains out of molehills. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to make sure you aren’t in the mountain-making business: How big a deal is this, anyway? If I knew I was going to die in a week, would this be something I would want to spend this minute of my remaining time on? Will any bad things happen if I postpone thinking about this until I have more time to figure things out? Do I have all the information I need to decide how to respond to this? Do I really know what’s going on here, or am I making assumptions? Am I worrying about things that might not even happen? What do I need to check out before taking action? Is there anything I can do right now that will change or help this situation? Am I trying to control something I can't, like what other people think, say, or do? Have I really thought through this problem, and broken it down into manageable pieces I can handle one-at-a-time? Use this approach whenever your thoughts or situations begin to feel overwhelming, and you'll quickly find that the mountains that seem impossible at first can quickly morph into what they really are—manageable hills that you DO have the ability to climb. All it takes is three little minutes of your time.

For all of you that think im "Unsupportive" you're wrong. I think whats being said is a little hazed. As you probably dont know, me and my girlfriend live about 4 hours apart, i live with my dad, and her with her parents. I've been trying to be as supportive as a person can while being 4 hours the person they're trying to support. I've joined this board to learn all i can about the procedure, and what happens next. I've been making sure that she's been preparing for her surgery, eating the right kinds of foods, has a good exercise plan for after she starts feeling up to being able to exercise. I know im not the greatest guy in the world, i have my defects. But im not some guy that just doesnt care either. I try to be supportave and attentive. I like to talk to her about her surgery, to make sure everything is ok, and that she feels ok about it. I dont want her to feel pressured into it because she might think i'll love her more as a skinnier person. But i've said it before, and i'll say it again, i'll love her in and shape or form. She's super hot, why would i want her to change? The only reason i want her to have the surgery is so she can live a fuller, healthier life. I'm not saying that i brought up the issue of getting a lapband, i just read up on it so i knew if it was a heavy risk. If it was i wouldnt have wanted her to do it. But it seemed pretty straight forward of how it went so i didnt see anything wrong with getting it, if it would make her happy. I try to make her happy everyday, i know that im not happy happy all the time, and i can get down sometimes because of all the stuff that happens with me. Like work, school, bills, and stuff like that. but i try to never take it out on her. The way that this conversation got started is that we were talking about me coming up there for her surgery. Well it turns out that her family is going down to her aunts (which is where her family picks me up from be cause her aunts house is halfway from my house to her house) and then go to her house. But the thing was that her mom and dad were coming down there on a friday, and i wasnt going to be able to take off of work until the following sunday. Then we talked for a little bit, and she was worried that i might not be able to come there. And she said i could just go all the way there instead of going to her aunts house, which was fine by me, but i still had to ask my dad. The thing that threw me off was when she said "i cant, and i wont let you getting here or not getting here stress me out before im about to go into surgery" And i didnt mean to get her stressed about that. I told her that i've been stressed, and she asked me what about, and i listed the problems that i was having, with work and everything else which was listed above. Thats how the conversation got started. Its not that i was unsupportive it was that the comment made me think that she didnt care if i was there or not. which made me feel bad, but now i know thats not the case. We've since then made up, or so i think lol. I love her more then anything, and i'll support her through anything, and i'll be there by her side through anything. She is the beautifulest girl i've ever known, inside and out, and it would be an act of blasphemy to let such and angel out of my life.