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I really need some support right now. This is long, so I apologize in advance. This board was just the best place for me to turn to. I have 2 best friends - I've been friends with both of them for 26 years (since I was 5). One ® is obese, the other (K) has basically been a size 6 or 8 her whole life, and is just trying to lose the last 10 lbs from her pregnancy. My obese friend ® is the one who invited me to attend the lapband seminar with her. Afterwards, with the information, I was much at ease and begin considering it, especially since it was much less dangerous than gastric bypass, and I know at least 5 people who have successfully had gastric. It turned out R's insurance excluded the surgery, but I've been approved and am having it Dec 28th. So far, only my mom, dad, and my friend "R" who invited me to the seminar know that I'm having lapband surgery. Out of the blue today, my skinny friend "K" asked if I ever went to that seminar with "R" and what she thought of it. I told her it wasn't covered under her insurance, and she said "Good" and then started talking about how she didn't think people should have surgery just to lose weight, etc. So I'm sitting here, knowing I'm having it in 3 weeks listening to this (which reaffirmed my decision not to tell her because she obviously won't be supportive). I did make a comment to her that when people have 100-150 lbs to lose, its practically impossible to lose it on your own and keep it off. She said yeah, I've been trying to just lose 10 lbs. To make a long story short, now I am doubting myself. Wondering if I am putting myself at risk of dying "just to lose weight" when I could leave my 15 year old son without a mother. He will be out of town with my father when I have the surgery. He sees his dad, who doesn't even pay child support or attend his birthday parties or sports events, etc 2 days a month. His dad lives a totally different lifestyle - its always been just the two of us (me & my son). I couldn't forgive myself if I elected to do something that caused my son to lose me (even though I guess I would be dead I wouldn't even know). As you can see, my state of mind is not good right now...I don't know why I am letting my friend affect me like this. Now I'm thinking about death. Something that I hadn't really worried about after I saw the video of the actual surgery. I've always had a fear of dying and leaving my son to end up living with his father. It took a lot for me to be strong enough to undergo this surgery. Its not a decision I took lightly. I've had surgery before (cesearean when I had him) and that was much more invasive, and I was up taking care of him the next day, and obviously I lived. I don't know what I'm looking for in writing this post......maybe just letting my fears out, maybe asking if others had the same fear, or dealt with the same situation with a friend. I should be able to tell my best friend that I'm having surgery, but she has always been a very judgemental person. Thanks in advance for any wise words....

Let's see, I have suggested that most docs in Mexico are quality, skilled surgeons and as of late you posted that I am a coordinator for them ALL. I have responded to hundreds of people offering support, information, statistics, opinions, etc. You have done nothing but post nasty things about people here and in your personal life. You have posted in a manner that is unrealistic and also, flat out lies. You are anti-Mexico and that is fine, but you make it sound like it is impossible to have a safe surgery in Mexico and quite frankly, that's just not true. If you don't want to go to Mexico ... nobody is debating it with you. Whether you like it or not many of us have and had no problems. You make it sound as though the only way to have a safe surgery is to have it anywhere but Mexico and quite frankly, you are wrong. This speaks clearly about you, not your information or lack of. You slam me because I didn't post about researching Mexico. I didn't, I posted about Mexican DOCTORS. I also didn't post about starving children in Africa, your point? Since you have been here you have been snitty, deceitful, unsupportive, and dishonest. Such as a claim that I wrote a woman was dreaming during surgery. That is most certainly NOT what I wrote, that is just another attempt to twist words to suit your own needs. What I wrote was that it is common to have false memories during surgery and it is. Is honesty such a horror for you? Quite frankly, you are not cynical, you are simply nasty and from my POV, dishonest.

Hi Lulu, Thanks for sharing your struggles... I was fat, then thin (HOT & SINGLE), and then after keeping it off for 6 years, got fat again... My real friends have loved me fat or thin and are supporting me on the road to being thin again... I do know the type of people you are describing & generally find them to be too self involved to ever be a good friend to anyone..... My advice (feel free not to take it, as each of us has our own happiness & truth); but, my unsolicited advice is to try to make some meaningful friends ones that you could be yourself with and call in your darkest moment. It isn't easy and usually takes time & a lot of effort, but if you become the type of friend you want in a friend you will be succesful over time. Good luck, my advice is to stay away from critical unsupporting environments during the holidays which can be challenging on their own... Tiffany

I guess I'm an odd duck. I told all my friends and family and many people at work. I am in a cubicle, and I very quickly got sick of trying to find an empty office to make "secret" phone calls. Heck, at least 20 people have "felt my port" and oohed over my superglued incisions. ) I have yet to have anyone be unsupportive. Some are neutral, but that's okay. I am glad I did it, because at least three people in my company have contacted me and wanted to know more, because it was something they were considering and were scared to try. They see me as a role model - who knew? The one rule I have is that I try not to volunteer information. Nothing is more boring to most people than listening to someone give the details of their latest medical procedure. If asked, I am happy to tell them whatever they want to know. I can even send them links to surgeries and to this website! I'm happily letting my freak flag fly!!

I have to agree. Some people think that "support" is all about agreeing with whatever they are doing. It isn't. They want to hear "yes, what you are doing is just fine" and "you're right, that's the perfect plan, you'' be very successful." The plain fact is that there are certain things that bandsters shouldn't be doing, and it isn't "unsupportive" to point that out. People scream that they are being attacked when someone points out that they shouldn't be eating solids or an entire bag of candy or a quart of ice cream (when even they have said that they've jumped ahead in their diet). They scream attack when they ask people to give their input and someone gives input that they don't like. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Support isn't always about saying "yes, dear." It's about pointing out where people might be going wrong and trying to help them rectify the situation. And like it or not, the best people to do that are the "oldies" who have been around the block a time or two. Call them "know-it-alls" if you want. I personally call them inspiration. I sure as hell hope that if I suddenly start posting about how I eat nothing but junk food and don't exercise and that I'm wondering why I'm not losing weight, that they'll slap some sense into me. THAT is true support, not them telling me that I'm doing wonderfully and to keep doing what I'm doing.

I am getting my surgery on 11/27. The psychiatrist at the place I am getting my surgery done at suggested that I tell everyone that I confide in, and family unless I think they will be very negative and unsupportive about it. I am not telling accquaitances or distant family like cousins. So far I have told my mom, brother, dad, grandma and my three good girlfriends. I am not telling my grandpa because he is not supportive and a very negative person in general. Also not telling my nother in law for the same reason. They can find out later. I am not lieing about it either. If my grandpa or mother in law was to ask a direct question I would tell them, but it is unlikely that they will.:scared:

I think people just don't know what to say. I don't think they are trying to be stupid or unsupportive, I think sometimes when caught off guard there really is no right answer. Me: Hey, I got a lapband! Coworker: Great, you are really fat! I mean, if they are extra supportive in their mind isn't that the same as acknowledging we are fat? When caught off guard I can see how it would be an uncomfortable situation. Saying, "Oh, you don't need that!" I hear them saying, "You do need to lose weight but I'll be polite and say you don't need it." I mean, I don't think people are intentionally being rude but with everyone big on being PC I think some folks just don't know how to handle WLS. It's not one of those scenarios we typically practice going over in our minds so on the off chance it happens one day we'll be prepared. Another example, a couple of years ago one of the nurse managers was preggers. I mean, it was obvious. When I realized she was preggers I congratulated her. She looked like she was due to pop in a month. She didn't say anything, I wasn't even sure she heard me. My coworker got me off to the side and explained she wasn't preggers. The hell she wasn't, she was! Turns out I was right, she was preggers, she was due in two months, and she was annoyed that after all those months of being pregnant I was the only one that commented on it. Everyone else just thought she was gaining more weight and her feelings were hurt and by the time I came along and noticed, it was too late. She was angry that everyone was ignoring her pregnancy. Sometimes I don't know that there is a right answer. It's not like there is a script you can read. Kinda like how some people when they lose half their excess body weight a person might congratulate them on being "skinny" ... some fat folks will take offense to that and others will take it in the spirit intended. There IS no right answer. You can tell 10 fat people the SAME thing and get 10 different reactions. I think we need to give those around us a bit of a break.

Well I'm sure that I speak for the others when I say we think you're pretty great too! And I understand why you took it all down, it just makes me sad that people are going to so much effort to be so unsupportive....I mean isn't that what we are all here for, after all?

I've had very supportive family members and some not so supportive. But, then I realized, the family members that have been supportive are the ones who have always been there for me in the first place. The unsupportive ones who give me the third degree about the process and as a rule-- who are the most judgmental seem to be "see you at the next family gathering" types, who are never around-- and surprisingly, grossly overweight themselves. Misery loves company and family members can be toxic people, too. I've made the decision to surround myself with positive, supportive people and I choose to focus on me, my life, and my future for a change!

Hi, I'm new here!. I'm really considering having the procedure done, and was talking to my friends about it and I was really surprised by their reactions. Most, but not all, told me that I was crazy and ALL i needed to do was eat less and exercise more... have willpower. They told me that I was cheating and taking the easy way out. I was really hurt by these comments, because obviously if it were that easy for me I would have done it already. Did anyone else experience reaction like this from people? How did you handle it? Meghan

Munchkin, I will try and take a stab at this from a guy's point of view. I don't think he is trying to be unsupportive, but he feels he is trying to support you. When you say he is riding you what do you mean. Is he questioning your cheating on th preop diet, making comments yelling at you etc. If he is yelling at you I agree with everyone else tell him to shut up and he is not helping. All he sees is that you just started and you are already cheating. If the doc put you on a pre op liquid diet it is probably for a reason, so maybe he is concerned you are not following it. A slip up once in a while is no big deal but if you are not drinking your slim fast or following various other parts of the pre op diet you can't expect him to support that. Do you really want someone that is just going to agree with your cheating and tell you it's no big deal? I bet he has watched you struggle with your weight and wants to help you suceed. We as men are just not as subtle as women would like us to be. Good luck in your journey, Chris

I'm sorry, but alcoholism is nothing like being obese. Yes, food can be an addiction, but like you said - you HAVE to eat to survive. You could go your whole life and never have a drink and be just fine. The biggest thing I heard from my surgeon at the patient seminar that really pushed me in the direction of getting the band was that something like 98% of people over a certain weight that try diet and exercise will gain the weight back and then some. One thing I've noticed about A LOT of people that are unsupportive about this kind of thing is that they are actually afraid. Afraid of whatever their biggest problem may be with it. For some, it might be that their spouse could die or get sick from the procedure. He might be afraid that you'll change...like maybe you won't love him as much once you get skinny. He might be afraid if he has heard all the stats on divorce rates amongst patients after bariatric surgery. Has he done any research on the procedure himself? Have him watch one of the live procedures in the FAQ section on here. Show him some of the literature. If necessary, have him talk to your surgeon's office with any questions he might have. He might just be embarrassed to admit he's afraid. If it's the other stuff, then maybe spend more time with him. Plan a date night. Write him a letter letting him know how much you love him (like maybe a list of the reasons you fell in love with him). Seriously - people are unsupportive because they're afraid. I wouldn't say that he's doing it because he doesn't care - it's probably because he DOES care, he just doesn't understand some part of the equation. I hope things can get worked out.

Hello everyone, I really just need to vent. My husband is being so completely unsupportive about my preop liquid diet. I have been cheating by not drinking my Slimfast, but I have been following clear liquids for the most part and eating healthy foods when I don't eat clear liquids (yogurt,fruit,etc). My husband is completely riding me about cheating. He used to be an alcoholic and is comparing it to his drinking, which I think is completely unfair- yes, food is an addiction, but unlike alcohol, we need it to survive. It's not something you can just totally avoid. What does everyone else think? I need some words of wisdom. I am starting to doubt whether I should go through with this-he makes me feel as if I have no willpower and I am a failure. Please, someone help with my sanity and thanks for listening to me vent my frustrations! :help:

98% of the people I know, thin and overweight, have been supportive of my decision. My sister-in-law, who is much bigger than me, made a passing comment about it being the easy way out... now that peeved me because from what I've read here, it is not an easy way out, people have to work at it etc etc. I will be banded next week, 1 Nov, and I'm terrified... that alone does not make it the easy way out as far as I'm concerned !! Her husband, my brother, wants to do it and I think she's scared that she'll be left behind... I understand her fears but I'm thinking maybe many others, even the supportive ones, may think I am taking the "easy way out". I am doing this for my health and wellbeing and that alone is what is pushing me through my fears (and the support here of course). You have to do what you need to do to save your life and even though friendships are important, unsupportive ones are not. If they are not willing to stand by you, no doubt you will find new ones on your journey.

Well, I guess it's just semantics. Faith, to me, is completely unsupported by fact or evidence. Belief, on the other hand, can be supported, in certain circumstance, depending on what the belief is. For example, I don't have faith in science, but I do believe in it. Religious people have both faith and belief, but neither can be supported by actual fact or evidence.

I didn't really tell anyone either. Just my family knew. I did tell one girl at work AFTER the surgery. I knew from just being around people and hearing them talk crap about people who do wls, that most people wouldn't agree. Quite frankly, it's none of their business. It's sad that someone who you thought was your friend was so unsupportive. I have had the same kind of interaction with people over other things before. Screw her! You don't need a friend who is that unsupportive!!

throught this whole process my dh had not been supportive. he really isnt unsupportive either. he flat out told me he didnt want to hear anything about it. nothing, period. so i havent told him much. oh, of course, some of my excitement has spilled over and i have a said a few things here and there, only to be met w/ a plain, oh, or huh. even though i know better, it still stings when he is like this. or when he told me i should just get off my ass and workout. last night i mentioned that i needed to go to GNC (we live in a very small town w/ no where like this to shop, but are going to salt lake this weekend, so i thought i would go then). he asked why and i told him to look into some Protein powders and Vitamins. he was like, why, you wont do it, you wont take them. umm, excuse me, yes i will! i have to! he doesnt know anything about this or how involved i have been, doing research, finding out what i need to do. then he tells me, i didnt know you would have to stuff like this. NO SHIT! you didnt want to hear anything about it, so i havent said anything (minus those occasional slips of course). i dont know why it got me all upset, i am used to this attitude about it from him. part of my thinks he wants me to fail at this too, like i have w/ just about every other diet program i have tried. he doesnt understand that this is a life changing thing, forever. i will finally be that thin(ner) person i have never been! he told me he doesnt think i will do the 10 day liquid diet. like hell! last night i wanted to start it early, just to show him. but i didnt. i ate my salad and i was pissy and upset for a while. oh well. thanks for listening to me vent about it. i feel better just getting it typed out. and i know you all will be supportive of me. thanks.

Swimmer, your mother sounds unsupportive. A lot of us who post here have had similar experiences with their own families. Congratulations on getting the band.

Almost my entire family knows...because we have many get together's through the years...and eventually they'd find out. I'd rather they get it from the horses mouth, than people make up stories. Only had one cousin and his wife who were unsupportive....but I really don't need their support anyways. I've got support everywhere else! :car: At work (I'm a teacher), the kids know I had surgery, just don't know what kind of surgery. It's hard, because when I laugh, cough, or do something with my stomach...I automatically move my hand over my port. LOL That incision is what hurts the most. A few of my fellow teachers and administration know what happened....and that's because they are my friends

WASA: Yes Rumbaut and Aceves may be good, but not necessarily the BEST. Here is a little something Rumbaut published not long ago (please read below). If your "global statistics" are hovering around 1% for erosion (quoting you: “Sadly, erosion does happen in about 1.3% of patients.” ) thenwhere does that put Rumbaut? (he did the study, 2.9% erosion).... how about slippage? Also 2.9%, how does that compare? Erosion is almost three times as much(2.9 to 1) as your "global statistics"? Not so good? And Quoting you: “There are docs with a 0.00016%** erosion stat vs. others who are seriously dangerous with a 3-4% erosion stat”. … But yet in another post you say: and I quote: “Personal opinion but I think Rumbaut and Aceves are the two best surgeons in Mexico.” Which is it bubblebutt? You have to make up your mind! Rumbaut’s statistics on erosion are one tenth of a percent from “Seriously Dangerous” and yet in your personal opinion he is among the best????? The problem is not Rumbaut's statistics Wasa, the problem is YOUR "global statistics". Rumbaut’s statistics are average (port infection is high though). You have been using a broken measuring stick. The information you have been giving readers on this subject is way off, and you refuse to admit it. Please do some real research WASA, unsupported statements cause more harm than good. If you want to post as a reliable source of information for fellow members, don't go by what you hear, hearsay is cheap and easy to come by, not so with true data on paper. The comparison between Rumbaut's published statistics and your claims only casts a shadow over any other "statistics" you may have posted elsewhere on this forum. Not very reliable..... You need to offer real statistics, all with tangible, published backup, not "someone told me". **By the way, FYI: .ooo16% erosion translates to one erosion for every 625,000 procedures, even you can’t seriously consider that!!! Obesity Surgery, 13, 275-280 The Lap-Band® System in a North American Population S. Ross Fox, MD; Katherine M. Fox, RN, MPH; Myur S. Srikanth, MD; Roberto Rumbaut, MD* The Medical Services Organization, Surgical Weight Loss Clinic, Tacoma, Washington, USA and *Hospital San Jose - ITESN, Monterrey, Mexico European and Australian results with laparoscopic adjustable gastric banding (LAGB) using the Lap-Band® (Inamed Health, Santa Barbara, CA) have been impressive, with over 100,000 procedures completed at this writing. However, prior to U.S. FDA approval in June 2001, U.S. patients had to travel out of the U.S. for this procedure. This study reports on a series of U.S. patients who requested off-shore referral for LAGB placement. Table 5. Complications Complications n (%) Dilatation/band slippage 2.9 Erosion 2.9 Port tubing leakage (disconnection) 2.9 Port infection 3.8 Band removed without revision 2.9 Revision to gastric bypass 1.9

*bows* My happiest duty is to provide laughter during such solemn times such as these. Once you reach goal, take a photo of yourself and send it to her with "I went to a filthy mexican doctor for a botched procedure and complications, and all I got was this lousy weight loss" captioned on the front. I haven't had an unsupportive relative yet because the only one I've told is me Mum. Who got quiet, acted rather distracted, and then hurried to get off the phone. She has since avoided my phone calls. :rolleyes

<p><p>Hi folks</p> <p>Just figuring out how to use the site so bear with me! Am having a consultation at ACS on Saturday with Dr Manuceau. Bit concerned to hear some people's experiences of not feeling as restricted as they'd thought. Its a whole lot of cash for it not to feel like its working isn't it? Anyway, I think this is it for me, have done all the diets in the world and can't exercise easily anymore cos of the pain in my back. Hope this works! Am scared but also determined. Not telling too many people cos some of the reactions I've got are unsupportive to say the least!</p></p>

Aug 8th here! soooooo excited! 2 weeks on nothing but sugar free Jello, popsickles, and yogurt. and cottage cheese. im 16 with a very unsupporting father... good thing he doesnt live with me!

NewCC~ I am so sorry your husband isn't being more supportive. Like you said he has little emotion and honestly a lot of men don't show as much emotion as we would like. I know for a week before my surgery my husband seemed to be acting weird to me. If you feel you need to, call your very best friend and talk to them and tell then what is going on. Maybe that will help you feel better and a bit more supported. As for your parents, you have to do what feels best for you. The last thing you need is for them to be unsupportive or against this so if you feel that is the response you'll get, then as hard as it might be, I'd wait to tell them. Easier said than done, but try not have any fears of not waking up. You will be fine! I know it seems so scary going into it, but really it isn't. You'll go in, they'll give you the IV and put some anasthesia in it and the next thing you know, you'll be waking up. That is all I remember. I don't even remember being wheeled away. Just relax and remember you are doing this for you. This will be your new birthday. You have a whole family here on Lapbandtalk who are here to support you! :car: YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! [/url] Banded July 18, 2007 Dr. Louis Fox, Richardson, TX 6/1/07 350 6/27/07 339 7/18/07 331 7/25/07 322.8

Dmtjet, I am right here, back from Curves. It was so sweet, my friend who has been unsupportive brought me flowers and a nightgown for me to wear to the hospital. I was touched. Cynical DH says it's her way of apologizing for being mean earlier. Either way, I am grateful we are patching things up.