Search the Community

I am literally at the end of my rope here and don't know what to do. I've gone to the seminars and scheduled my consultation appt in 2 weeks for sleeve surgery. I've not told anyone about this because "my weight" has become such a huge issue within my marriage and family. My husband views weight gain as a result of being weak and "giving up fighting for life". I've been my heaviest the past 2 years and they have been absolute misery. I've tried every diet known to man, only to plateau or loose so slowly that I end up giving up. I don't work outside the home so hubby thinks I should be "fighting for my family" everyday by going to the gym for 6 hours. Every morning I'm met with the "so whats your plan for exercise today?" instead of good morning or i love you. His nagging and negative comments about my weight have led to most of my unhappiness, which I counter balance by eating. I've tried and tried to talk to him about how he makes me feel, but he feels this is a black and white situation....I either want to loose the weight and will go full force with an exercise plan or I don't. Simple as that. If only, right? So secretly I've been going through the steps and researching the sleeve surgery, getting my thoughts together on when and how I can make it work and as usual, he asks me first thing this morning what my plan of attack was with exercise today. I reply "eliptical" to which he starts the normal lecture about how that's not enough, its not gonna give me the results I need, I've gotta go hard, he thinks I would've had more results by now......so I decide to broach the subject of "getting some drastic done" to which he boldly tells me gastric bypass is nothing but giving up, taking the easy way out, how will the kids react knowing their mother wouldn't fight for her family, fight for her marriage. I said I wasn't doing bypass and he asks "what then"? and I refused to tell him. I said I didn't trust him, obviously I don't have his support, and there was no reason for him to know. He asks "well than why are we together" and I'm left thinking I really don't know. I refuse to let him see me naked, we haven't made love in over a year because he makes me feel like a fat slob, so theres no way I'm down for giving myself to him in that way. I don't work, so I have no income of my own. Insurance won't pay for this, so I'm left wondering how I will pay for this without having to go to him and ask for the money. I was finally proud of myself for being selfish for once and I do view this as a total fight for my family and children. Im trying to think big picture and make a true lifestyle change and because it's not a "6hr in the gym" change HE wants, it's not worthwhile..... what to do? What to do?

Post-op weight gain is very common. Congratulations on your surgery!:clap2:

I have had my band for exactly 9 years as of yesterday and I had an upper gi done yesterday due to issues with dysphagia, severe acid reflux and weight gain. Four weeks ago my surgeon removed 1cc of fluid and that has helped with the acid reflux severity at night but hasn't gotten rid of it entirely. I had no restriction and gained 15 pounds in 4 weeks ???????? However yesterday at my appointment after my upper gi, my doctor told me my band looks good but I have a small flap that could be considered a small slip but it's not too much to worry about yet and that my pouch is asymmetrical and bigger than it should be. He said that we are going to keep an eye on it and if it gets worse or I don't lose any weight more weight that we may look into a revision. He suggested a sleeve since my bmi is "low" (my bmi is 40). Wouldn't I qualify for bypass since I have co-morbidalities? (Sp) I'm so afraid of surgery now that I'm older but I'm also afraid of gaining all this weight back. I lost 80 pounds but I've gained 35 back just in the past few months

I've been suffering from complications with my band for years. I finally got the nerve to go back and see my doc (after long term vomiting, reflux, pain, weight gain), and she and my surgeon suggested a revision to bypass. Has anyone done this? What have your results been like? How does eating differ? Worried that I may fail with bypass the same way as I did with the band. I have so many questions, and while the forums I've seen have been very helpful I'm seeking more specifics! Thank you : )

I'm there with you Teachamy -- I'm right around the 210 mark at 36 BMI. I just don't want to hear that "but you're not that big" comment so I'm not telling a lot of people before surgery. It's my decision to stop this weight gain cycle and improve my health before it gets so bad it makes the surgery more risky. I do have to admit, when I told my 20 yo son I was having the surgery, he did say "You're not as big as you think you are..." and it made me smile. He loves me a lot and thinks I'm too hard on myself. Of course, it doesn't sway my decision because he's my kid and doesn't get a vote, but, it still felt nice that he could express he cares.

I was at the doctors today talking about JUST this topic... There are some definite pors and cons to this. Pros: higher chance of fertility at a lower weight healthier pregnancy, lower risk of pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, etc Less chance of depression and weight gain issues/self-esteem etc-it is tough enough being pregnant and carrying extra weight, imagine carrying another 30-50 pounds and how you will feel? You can easily drop 30 pounds to get in a healthier weight range INSTEAD of the sleeve by joining a bootcamp/doing Jillian Michaels and following a strict diet regimen. You will have to follow a strict diet after the sleeve anyway, so it is NOT easier...you could probably do this in about 3-4 months. In reality, you will most likely lose 30-40 pounds in the same 3 months, only your TTC has to be pushed back CONS: You MUST wait 12-18 months as if you are in rapid weight loss phase, you can and will risk your health and the baby's health as you cannot take in enough calories a day and you are burning. Also, there could be issues with leaks, etc. You are at a high risk to gain the weight lost back and it would have been a waste of your time and money You do not know if you can concieve on your own and if you wait another 1-1.5 years to find out, you are then 32,33...you need to try for at least 6 months or a year Ithink (not sure) to go to a specialist, which puts you at 33-34...to have your FIRST baby. Having babies are tough on your body, and weight gain happens! My doctor said that it is riskier to have a baby overweight than to have the sleeve and get pregnant a year later> Of course, I have three little ones already and want to have my fourth...in a year If I were in your shoes, I would probably just do the diet and exercize thing, and try to make that work. Fitness is so important while you are pregnant anyway, so you are giving your body a head start, without the 6-8 week down time you will have if you get sleeved. Then, after the baby making is complete, go get your sleeve if you still need it, or maybe a mommy makeover....they offer those in Mexico for about 7K and will do up to 5 areas of your body....wooot!! Good luck with whatever you decide, it is such a personal decision and I am sending lots of baby dust your way!!!

I am 17lbs short of the needed BMI for lapband, I am a type 2 diabetic, and I'm starting on the insulin pump this week. I already take metformin and lantus, as the dr has increased my lantus I've started gaining, now the pump comes. I was wondering if anyone who is on a pump or was on a pump can tell me if gaining weight on the pump is more rapid that shots? I've heard it can be. I'm honestly not hoping for weight gain, but I'm so OVER diabetes and all that comes with it, I really wish I could have the surgery, I see so many on the boards talking about getting off most or all their meds and I would love to have that happen! Thanks Ren

That's why I don't understand why any tiny deviation either an extra 100 or so calories or missing a workout causes weight gain. Its such a fine line,.............. My energy is great, too. Can't stay busy and moving enough, lol. And I detest sitting still

I have an IUD (Copper). I had normal cycles, and I have had my IUD so long that my periods are light again after initially being heavy. I have always had regular periods my entire life, no lady issues, no PCOS anything like that. At first I still has normal periods, then once I dropped a lot of weight (over 100 pounds at about 9 months) I started having periods every 2 weeks almost. It seems to finally being almost normalizing, but my body is still trying to adjust to the weight I am at now. My periods are light so it doesn't bother me that they are every 2 weeks, except for the weight gain or stall that comes with them. It makes it hard to see progress on the scale, even though I can see and feel the inch loss.

I am at the very beginning of approval process. Attended orientation and waiting for initial appointment in January. I am age 66 and have Medicare & Supplement Policy. BMI=45, 245 lbs. 5'1" tall. Have a number of obesity-related comorbidities which my primary reason for looking at bariatric surgery. Most health insurance companies require 3-6 month medically supervised weight loss program showing some successful weight loss on own for approval. Medicare is totally weird. They require 3 months medically supervised weight loss program with full participation and you must demonstrate FAILURE to qualify. If you can lose 10% of your weight in 3 months, you won't qualify. For me, that is less than 24 pounds in about 90 days to be FAILURE. Pretty ridiculous to not qualify because first 10 pounds will only be water loss. I don't have initial appointment until sometime in January (I guess docs want us to get through holiday season for first weigh without worrying about weight gain/loss). Anyone here had WLS under Medicare?

People gain because of a calorie surplus. How they're creating a calorie surplus, there is more than one reason. Exercising less than they're used to (injuries can happen any time), changing to a physically less demanding job, eating more food or eating more calorie dense food, getting older, having to take meds that promote weight gain etc. Some people simply engaged in a gung-ho lifestyle after surgery that was unsustainable in the first place. They burn out and start to eat more and all the beloved foods they restricted for so long. The usual gut reaction to this is to be even more stricter for some time with an even worse backlash. You need to find a lifestyle that you can keep up with even in times of personal crisis. This might be a very vague thing to say but this sustainable lifestyle is highly individual - you have to find your own way to manage your long term weight loss. Sure, you can look for tips & tricks but in the end it's more trial & error than anything else. You will be able to eat more with time before reaching your point of "maximal possible portion" so to say at maybe about 1.5 years after surgery. So the restriction is one effect that will wear off at least up to some point. I can only speak for myself but it's still way less than I could eat before WLS. Your metabolism will slow down up to a certain point. "Slowing down" in this case means that you need less energy to sustain a lighter body. There is less tissue that needs warmth, blood supply etc. So far not. But I don't take it as guaranteed that it will never change. I'm just hoping for the best so to say.

Hey ya'll. I have a question. First, some background... My whole life I was very small. 115 lbs was my heaviest (I'm 5' 3.5") and I always thought I was too small. But that's who I was. When I was 19 I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder, and put on Seroquel. Anyone who knows that drug knows that it's known for weight gain. WELL, I gained 100 lbs in just over a year. At first I was excited at the weight gain because I finally had some curves. But then it got out of control. I ate healthy and weight just poured on. I didn't (and still don't) recognize myself in the mirror. I guess my question is, do you think when I go down I'll recognize myself again? Or will the body dysmorphia stay the same and I won't feel like my old self. I'm not planning on going down that far... I'd like to be around 145 or whatever I think looks good. Any insight would be appreciated.

Angie congrats on your IVF cycle. My husband and I did 3 cycles prior to my band, all we're a fail for us. After being banded for over 2 years I got pregnant. My daughter, Isabella, is 5 days old. She was born May 29 and prefect. I had a great pregnancy and my only complaint is that as I got to those last 6 weeks my port hurt tremendously. Soon as I gave birth the pain was gone!! I was a freak about my weight gain (35 pounds) but I've already lost 20 and planning a fill for 6 weeks. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy the experience!! Can't wait to hear your betas!!

Some random thoughts... I desperately want to go to the gym. I was always athletic until injury and weight gain sidelined me. I'm soooo ready! I have several brands/flavors of Protein powder and ready made shakes I no longer like. They are downright disgusting now even though I loved them before. Going to try layering them for new flavors. I was a little down today over liquid Protein only though it was better in the afternoon. Working out would help that but that's still a no no. It snowed here today on the first full day of spring. Couldn't even go for a walk. This hellish winter needs to end NOW! I'm more than bored with the shakes although they are filling. The satiety just isn't there and I miss texture and chewing. My husband has been great but he keeps saying he doesn't understand why people feel I'm fat. He never thought I needed the sleeve but supports me. I love this and hate it at the same time. Why do both the pre-op and post-op diets for docs differ so much? I'm all about letting my sleeve heal and will follow the post-op diet to a t but some are allowed a lot of diversity after one week. I haven't had a full nights sleep since two nights before surgery. Going to try lukewarm chamomile tea tonight. Ok that's it. Just needed to get these thoughts down somewhere. Hope you all have had good days. Tomorrow is the start of a new week and I plan to make the most of it!

If you read the long term studies by O'Brien weight loss is virtually the same when comparing bypass vs band. But, the band is minor surgery, totally reversible and carries few if any complications. Furthermore, if you look at weight loss for bypass vs band charted out on a line graph you'll see a slight weight gain for bypass pts in the long term...kind of like a rebound. You don't see this same curve for band patients b/c in bypass the pouch can stretch with the band it can continue to be adjusted. For me its a no brainer. My surgeon has ceased bypass altogether considering it somewhat barbaric considering the strong results of the band.

I am so down. I weighed myself on my friend's scale at home and according to it, I have gained 4 lbs! I was doing so great and yes I did stop going to the gym because I am going through menopause and I had a really bad period that lasted 2 weeks. Now I am very down. I can't say depressed because that would be too "drama Queenish" for me. But yeah, down is the word. I am trying but need a good kick in the butt. Any good suggestions? Oh I was banded on Nov 4th 2011 and lost 40, now gained 4. UGH!

Sugars in excessive amounts are definitely not good for anyone; however, when it comes to artificial sweetners - studies are starting to come out that perhaps they may be even worse for us, but it does also include an industry response which disputes the claim, regardless, I found it interesting ... see article below from Lab study ties artificial sweetener to weight gain - Diet and nutrition - MSNBC.com "Artificial sweetener linked to weight gain<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p> Rats fed food with saccharin added more body fat, researchers found<o:p></o:p> Sun., Feb. 10, 2008 WASHINGTON - Using an artificial, no-calorie sweetener rather than sugar may make it tougher, not easier, to lose weight, U.S. researchers said Sunday. Scientists at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, studied rats that were fed food with the artificial sweetener saccharin and rats fed food with glucose, a natural sugar. In comparison to rats given yogurt sweetened with glucose, those that ate yogurt sweetened with saccharin went on to consume more calories and put on more weight and body fat. The researchers said sweet foods may prompt the body to get ready to take in a lot of calories, but when sweetness in the form of artificial sweeteners is not followed by a large amount of calories, the body gets confused, which may lead to eating more or expending less energy than normal. <o:p></o:p> "The data clearly indicate that consuming a food sweetened with no-calorie saccharin can lead to greater body-weight gain and adiposity than would consuming the same food sweetened with high-calorie sugar," Purdue researchers Susan Swithers and Terry Davidson wrote in the journal Behavioral Neuroscience, published by the American Psychological Association. <o:p></o:p> "Such an outcome may seem counterintuitive, if not an anathema, to human clinical researchers and health care practitioners who have long recommended the use of low- and no-calorie sweeteners as a means of weight control." <o:p></o:p> Other artificial sweeteners such as aspartame that also taste sweet but do not lead to the delivery of calories may have similar effects, the researchers said. <o:p></o:p> "Animals may use sweet taste to predict the caloric contents of food. Eating sweet noncaloric substances may degrade this predictive relationship," the researchers wrote.<o:p></o:p> "With the growing use of noncaloric sweeteners in the current food environment, millions of people are being exposed to sweet tastes that are not associated with caloric or nutritive consequences," the researchers added. <o:p></o:p> The research was the latest to examine the question of whether artificial sweeteners -- used in many soft drinks and other foods — help or thwart those trying to lose weight. Various studies have offered mixed results. <o:p></o:p> Industry responds The new research drew criticism from the food industry. <o:p></o:p> "This study oversimplifies the causes of obesity," Beth Hubrich, a dietitian with the Calorie Control Council, an industry association representing companies that make low- and reduced-calorie foods and beverages, said in a statement. <o:p></o:p> "The causes of obesity are multi-factorial. Although surveys have shown that there has been an increase in the use of 'sugar-free' foods over the years, portion sizes of foods have also increased, physical activity has decreased and overall calorie intake has increased," Hubrich added. <o:p></o:p> The council also said findings in animal studies may not be applicable to people, which the researchers acknowledged. Davidson said by e-mail that the implication of the council's statement "that they, too, are interested in the health of the public seems insincere." "If they were sincere, one might expect that they would be alarmed by findings from animal or human models suggesting that their products might be contributing to the obesity epidemic that continues to expand and do its damage," Davidson said. Copyright 2008 Reuters." <o:p></o:p>

Bodybuilders are in a different class of their own. As mentioned before, pre-competition is a lot of calories (4,000+ a day) and a ton of Protein (I have seen as high as 1 gram per pound of bodyweight). A lot of the heavyweights go over 300 pounds during the training cycle, then compete/show at around 260. Unless you are working out every day, it'll be impossible to reach close to what they are doing to their bodies. Typical adults would be hard pressed to add 20 pounds of lean muscle mass in a year, so don't fall into the trap of "Oh, I gained 10 pounds this month, but that's ok because muscle weighs more than fat." It's true it does, but 99.9% of people out there would not be able to gain that much in lean muscle in such a short time frame. Short term weight gain for those of us who lift weights is typically Water retention. Oh, and those bodybuilders use diuretics to lose those last few pounds prior to shows too. They don't look like they do in pictures as soon as the next day, and a few have died from dehydration complications.

No, I always recommend the bypass over the sleeve because there is less gastric reflux. Also, if you follow the surgeons/dietitians instructions you will do great. I get nauseous if I eat meat without chewing thoroughly or eat too much. Or if I eat too much sugar/fat I’ll get an upset tummy. But the meat thing goes away the longer you are post surgery. I had a revision (weight gain totally my fault) and I am 5 months post op and can eat tender chicken, steak, and feel great. Just even as you can eat more don’t try to eat past being full and comfortable :)

You have been through a lot! And we all go for comfort when that happens.... now you are "coming too" and starting back on the right trail. Just think about it, before the sleeve, those 53 days of staying the same would have been 20 pounds of weight gain! At least it would have been for me.... so back on the horse, and head in the right direction... its NOT too late. Stock up on treats you CAN have, sf pudding, cheese sticks... or whatever you like in that department. You can still enjoy life without sabotaging your progress. Good luck!

Hi Jason, welcome to the nursing profession. You are so right to want to get control of things now...I love my patients and I know how hard it is for them, thus my decision to get the lapband since nothing else was working, and my weight continued to creep up with every new diet. You bring up an interesting point that some prebanders need to know. The lap band isn't only a tool to help you lose weight, but it also helps prevent or reverse some of the comorbidities that come with the weight gain. I have had my lap band now for 3 and 1/2 weeks, so am still new at this...but I am happy with my decision. I have healed quickly and am getting ready to take a long walk in the park...I think this will be a good tool for you to help you take back control of your life.

Don't be scared of a small unfill...right now, you're eating the wrong foods...which won't help your weight loss or your health. By being slightly unfilled, you'll be able to eat the right foods in the right amounts AND lose weight AND be healthier. Too many people think tighter is better, but it often leads to bad food choices and weight gain. Plus, do you really want to be miserable all the time? The green zone chart in my doctor's office says, "Patient Satisfaction" under the green zone...are you satisified?

Skin texture changes and irregularity are the most common cosmetic complication of lipo, and weight loss patients will be at higher risk as their skin has been stretched and damaged by the obesity and weight gain-loss cycles. Plusa there is just a whole lot more of the skin ! Not to sound crass or disrespectful but just doesn't sound right. But if you have seen before and after photos of other patients who look like you do, and you like the results then go for it. My recommendation has always been to seek out a board-certified PS for a PS procedure as that is the only way you can be sure your doc has had formal training on the technique.

Admit this may be a long one so I apologize upfront for that! I was ridiculously out of control in my eating habits therefore I was also crazy worried about my ability to make the change. I did begin changing my habits before surgery. I began walking short distances as the 8 stairs up from my basement had me huffing and puffing. Initially I dreaded having to walk the 3 blocks to pick up my children from school. For almost 2 decades I never really dealt with hunger because I often ate so consistently I don't think I ever allowed myself to get hungry. I woke up and thought about what I would eat for Breakfast, after breakfast i focused on lunch but had Snacks, etc... I literally ate from wakeup, to my head hitting the pillow and often got up to eat more before I actually fell asleep. I remember eating 2 footlong subway subs in a sitting, and this wasn't a one time marathon thing; driving to 7-11 at midnight for junk food and then eating most of what I thought I would eat over 2-3 days. So I get it completely. Frankly I was scared sh**less that I would fail, or sabatoge myself along the way. Shortly before my first meeting with my center I had gestational diabetes but it went away immediately after my pregnancy. I admit when I am pregnant I am completely in control and anal about what I put in my mouth so lose weight throughout them. Of course post nursing forget about it! So after finding out I had no choice but to switch to formula I actually managed to become a full blown diabetic in about 5 months. It was a flurry of chocolate, fries and slurpees! My point being you and I are very much alike in being obsessed with food 24/7. So if I can do it anyone can do it! I found out I had become a diabetic at my first appointment at my bariatric center, March 12, 2013. That was the day the light went on for me, even if it was dim when it started. I walked 15 minutes that first day and I hated it lol. That night I completely lost all control of my sanity as every emotion under the sun came out over every little thing. For a second I thought OMG I am pregnant!! But no, apparently I am an emotional eater so now instead of eating, all of a sudden I was feeling everything and it was completely overwhelming. For this reason I strongly recommend trying to get at least 2-3 days of healthier eating out of the way prior to your liquid pre-op. The mental part of this is by far the hardest, so getting a small advantage before really does help. So expect to be very hormonal when you start out. Tricks of the trade pre-op.. I chewed a lot of stride gum especially during my liquid diet (3 weeks), lifesaver, that is my biggest thing to this day, although no I don't promote it post op as we all know it is a no no and I was 6 months out before I tried it. I drank a lot of low calorie fluids and I planned ahead for meals (before liquid pre-op). For the first little while I kept junk out of the house. I have kids so that's hard, so I chose to buy things they like but I don't, like all dressed chips, or cotton candy ice cream.. My fave thing being a large cup of lite hot chocolate with fat free hazelnut creamer in the evening as a treat and it kept me pretty full.. so I would do it at my peak struggle time. I started keeping fruit that I really liked around, cherries and raspberries and I would go to town. Not ideal but it was certainly better than the alternatives.. smart pop was another fave pre-op. No I was not perfect I had bad days, still do, but I started to convince myself that it didn't have to be a bad day.. instead it was a bad couple hours and then I let it go, guilt has no place on the road to success. It will not motivate you, it will only make you feel worse!! I made a list of all those things i wanted to be able to do post op... and a list of all those things I never wanted to feel or have happen to me again. That was emotional, then I put them up in a cpl places around the house where I thought they would most benefit me. I also included a list of the consequences of failing to follow my liquid diet. Number one of course being a cancelled surgery! So I actually made it through all 3 weeks or 22 days as my nutritionist miscalculated lol. A ton of gum, broth to break up the sweetness, I was allowed 2 cups of raw green veggies/day added garlic salt or seasoning salt.. no dressing allowed! It makes you an idiot about a week in, prepare to write things down as you won't remember them. Drink tons of fluids as the day 3 headache is a nightmare and will likely last a cpl days and nothing will touch it but hydration so stay on top of that. Post-op hunger concerns... I have hunger, boy do I experience real hunger. Now I am not trying to scare you, I didn't experience hunger like this until about 7 months out. So I have had a lot of time to work through better choices and options when I am hungry, the nice thing about being early out is that it won't take much to reel in said hunger if you are one who feels it. Have a cup of broth, some greek yogurt and boom it's gone for another couple hours. Also remember that your intake is soo limited that it is okay to feed it. Sometime just choose to feed it with fluids. That is the biggie, learning to decipher head hunger from actual hunger from thirst!! Once you get that straight your life will quickly become much easier. So pay attention to what each of them feel like, not as hard as it sounds I promise. Further out you can eat more, and I fall off the wagon the last time I was off for almost 4 weeks, stopped exercising too. I gained 5 pounds. The difference is that this time the weight gain actually scared me, having been a 'normal' size for a bit now I got comfortable and this was a well needed reality check. Now considering how much I was eating 5 pounds was kind, so the surgery really is just a tool. You still need to fight those demons for life but when I think about how much weight I could have gained in that same time period preop.. no comparison. I also dropped those 5 pounds during my 'taking back control' week. But what I didn't do is beat myself up for it, I went on a fabulous food vacation and when I landed back in reality I dealt with it. No guilt, just moved on and smartened up. So being kind to yourself is something that gets easier as you go through this process. It's also one of my favourite NSV's.. Sorry so long I admit I am horribly wordy... hope that helps alleviate some of your fears

This story has a beginning, but the end is still nowhere in sight. I am the oldest of three kids. My mother is one of those breathtaking, exotic beauties that you just can't help but admire. My father was a handsome man—full of life. We were adorable children—happy and content. I looked like my Dad, but was starting to look like Mom every day. The happiness didn't last. When Dad left, depression took over and I had no one to talk to besides my siblings, who were too young to confide in. That's when my brother and sister and I discovered how comforting food was. Through the years my body grew out as well as up, and I noticed something. My brother and sister where growing up to be beautiful, slender people, and I got fat. Really fat. To this day I still don't understand how genetics can bless two siblings and curse the other, but that is my lot in life. I hated my body and as the years extended into adolescence and adulthood, the hatred toward my excess fat turned into self-loathing, which led to more weight gain and more fat, more tears, and more heartbreak. I couldn't stand the person I had become, but through years of dieting and killing myself trying to do extreme workouts and diets, I decided to just accept the perceived fact that I would always be fat, sad, and alone. It seemed the only person who truly understood my heartache was my cousin, sister, and EC (Eternal Companion,) MexicanGirl. She was going through the same thing. We loved each other, supported each other, confided in each other, and yes, ate together and got fatter together. Then it came. The worst day of my life.The day Dad died, my heart failed. The wind was taken out of my lungs and with it, my will to live. I sunk into the deepest, blackest despair. I cried every night and prayed to God that he would take me home to be with my Dad before I woke up in the morning. If it weren't for MexicanGirl, I don't think I would be alive right now writing this. When I woke up, I was bursting out of all of my clothes and I didn't recognize myself in pictures. I thought back to when I lost Dad. More than anything, I want to be a wife and a mother. I didn't see myself getting there, and even if that miracle did happen, I couldn't bear the thought of my own daughter holding my hand as I die too young and not having the heart to let go until rigor mortis set in and she has to pry her hand out of mine like I did with Dad. I knew I needed to break the cycle. I knew that if I kept going down this path, I would become a diabetic like Dad and die too early. I had to stop it. I researched more diets and exercise programs. Nothing felt right. I knew I would fail them all. Then one day at church, I heard this new girl in the pew in front of me talking to my other cousin about her upcoming marriage. I didn't know here, but I felt very strongly that I needed to introduce myself and offer to design her wedding invitations. Her name is Katie, and we quickly became friends. She told me that she was getting weight loss surgery in a few days. I was intrigued. I stewed over this new thought for a while—even did a little research and dreamed about someday being able to afford something like that. I was impressed with how quickly she was losing weight. One night, MexicanGirl and I were at Walmart and Katie called wanting to hang out. She came to Walmart. They where introduced and we stood right there in the plus-size clothing section talking about her experiences with the Gastric Sleeve. I felt something. I didn't know what, but now I know it was a glimmer of hope. I thought about it over and over. I was a woman obsesed. Finally I turned to my EC about my feelings and to my pleasant surprise, she felt the same way. We decided we were going to take serious measures to research the sleeve to see if it was right for us. We spent hours reading and watching other people's stories on YouTube. We invited Katie out for Breakfast. She brought us her Kaiser Bariatric Surgery program binder and ansered all our questions. That day, we knew. We had to do this! MexicanGirl called her doctor that day and scheduled her intro class. I was still waiting to get approved for medical insurance, but I went with her to her intro class. She was referred into the Kaiser South Sacramento Bariatric program and we went to her orientation together. We decided not to undergo the sleeve and opted for the RNY Gastric Bypass instead. Shortly after I was able to get into Kaiser and on March 26th, 2014, We met our Surgeons! MexicanGirl got Dr. Neuhouse and I got Dr. Grinberg. At my orientation, I clocked in at my highest weight ever, 287! I lost 5 pounds right away which gave me a start weight of 283. Dr. Grinberg congratulated me on my loss and told me I needed to lose 15 more pounds and get down to 268 before I could schedule a surgery date. We were given a 1200 calorie diet to follow and that day we went to Ihop for a meal of pancakes and got started. The first ten pounds came off pretty easily. We ate right, we walked, we did Turbo Jam, we attempted yoga (owie!) and tried Zumba. I moved in with MexicanGirl so we could support each other, as neither of our families understood our struggles. MexicanGirl's weight melted right off and before we knew it, she was below her pre-op goal weight. The last five pounds were murder for me. It was going so slow! One day, I gained .8 pounds on the doctor scale. I was so upset! I cried and felt like a failure, but MexicanGirl gave me the kick in the pants I needed. I called my nutritionist who told me that I was doing e everything right and to stop kicking myself over less than a pound. Two days later I was 267! As MexicanGirl was already below her goal weight, we were both able to get our surgery dates. One June 16th, 2014, we are BOTH getting the Gastric Bypass surgeries that we so desperately need! For the first time in my life, my future looks bright. I am looking forward to getting healthy. I want to run, jump, and dance. I want to go on hikes without feeling like I'm going to drop dead. I am going to meet my future husband and my body won't make me feel unworthy of him. I will have children, and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. When i am old, and wise, I will greet death like and old friend, because it will be my time. My children will not bury me prematurely. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for making this available to us. I know my Daddy is looking down and me and is rooting me on! June 16th, here I come!