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I didn't mean to step on any toes. I know everyone is different and everyone deals differently. Personally, for me, I'm following what my doctor says because I trusted him enough to operate on me so I'm going to trust him enough to follow his guidelines. I was not trying to be unsupportive. I was actually saying that eating throughout the day makes sense in the clear liquid and full liquid stages, and even after that depending on your guidelines. I'm sorry if I came off differently.

Being reversible was not one of the reasons I picked the band - I didn't want my stomach cut and I certainly didn't want to dump or end up with vit/mineral deficiencies. Now I know I don't want to be fat again and I also know that left with no tool that is exactly what would happen. I really don't want another surgery but I also don't want to go through this again in 1, 2, or 5 years down the road. If not caught in time dilation can lead to strangulation of part of the stomach and it can die and need to be removed. I would rather control what part of my stomach is removed. So even if my dilation resolves I'm leaning toward going for the revision. I am surprised to find that of the very few people I've told (who were all supportive of my original choice) they seem a bit unsupportive now?? I'm getting comments like "Oh you know how to eat now so you don't need that" WTH, People that I thought understood that without help I will not keep this weight off - or finally get to goal are no longer people that I can talk to. I'm confused again....grrrrrr. I'm glad there are people here that have been where I am now.

I was really unsupportive of moms RNY surgery 2 years ago. I told her she was taking the easy way out... Fast forward to present time I have repeatedly apologized for not being there 110% for her, this is by no way the easy way out. I was uneducated and jealous. People don't understand.... Its the hardest and best decision of my life. Surgery 7/25/12

I mostly just want to rant... I'm less than 3 weeks post op and my wife has already stopped being supportive. The kids call my meals dog food. Wife has gone through the McDonald's drive through 3 times with me in the car since surgery, she breaks out bags of chips and other Snacks for movie nights, and has little regard for my new diet. She doesn't seem to understand why this would upset me. The kids are pretty young still, so I'll give them a pass. Wife is scheduled for surgery on August 1st, so I would think she would be more supportive...

Better to do it at 21 than put it off and be older and regret not doing it when you were young. Trust me, I'm edging close to 27 and wish I had done it a few years ago, but at the time I only knew about the bypass and lapband and both of those horrified me. Your family is scared and uneducated (I'm assuming) about the procedure, so it's normal. There is almost always one or a few who seem horrified and unsupportive. Either they'll come around, or they'll be grumpy until they see you succeeding and pretend like they were supportive all along. You may even encounter some who are jealous (even some of your 'normal' sized friends/family). The main thing is that YOU know you've put your heart and soul into it, and your surgeons and pre-op tests will put you through a lot. Most people who don't know a thing about it and aren't supportive think it's some sort of lazy fix to being overweight--which obviously it isn't. It's just another tool in the arsenal, and all about how well you utilize it. Keep your boyfriend and sister close, and just remember you're doing it for you and your health!

Hey. I am no friend of an unsupportive/abusive partner but let's give the guy a little break. It can be scary to see big changes in the one's we love. Perhaps he is scared of losing the version of you he fell in love with as you lose your weight. Try to get to the bottom of this with him. If he is just a jerk you may need to give him the boot. If he is scared and inarticulate, he may need your help. It doesn't seem fair that you need to do so much of this work (go through surgery, lose the weight, hold his hand) but you can do it! Good luck.

We've talked about her negative reaction as much as either of us are willing to, sometimes it's better to take a breath and move forward. I can talk about getting the surgery etc booked now without her getting angry and bitchy and that's more than I expected after our first two attempts at talking about it. Her fears, she claims, we're about the dangers of surgery. But I think there was a lot more going on internally for her than she was willing to admit to herself, with her food is love mentality and the fact that she is big herself so I belive she's feeling... judged? Kind of? Even though that's not the case. I also think that it makes her have to take a long hard look at her own weight and is just easier to get angry and be unsupportive than deal with that you know? I will not be staying with her when I get home (I'll be in my father's house and she lives 2.5 hrs away) so I'm just not going to see her until I feel more settled into post-op life as I don't want her opinions to affect me mentally if her attitude gets the better of her. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

I guess I have to respectfully disagree. I see the advantage of both positive and negative information. But I believe the quality of the reviews speak for themselves. I give about as much credence to unsupported positive reviews as negative ones. And to be honest? Lap band really has been a terrible choice for some people. It's good for me to hear about these stories so that I can think about the way I live, my risk factors, and make a judgment about likely I am to suffer a similar fate. Something that's a little related... has anyone noticed that bariatric surgeons, in general, seem a little less candid and neutral than a lot of other doctors? I spoke with five different doctors in considering gastric procedures, and all of them were frankly, a little too optimistic. Not one told me I should reconsider surgery or highlighted any possible complications or negatives unless I directly asked about them first. And even then, they glossed over them, dismissing them fairly quickly, often intimating that they were the result of patient non-compliance or true flukes. They weren't as able to give me dispassionate clinical statistics regarding how many of their patients had kept off a significant amount of weight for five years, how many needed revisions, etc. I guess they're selling the dream. The before and after pic. But again, I feel like many bariatric surgeons walk too fine a line between plastic surgeons and other surgeons who offer mainly non-elective procedures and have no problems discussing potential risks in a very candid and thorough way. I probably wouldn't have done lap band if it wasn't for these forums, and the ability to do my own, independent medical research so that I felt like I knew what I was getting, warts and all.

I need advice. My husband and my family are not exactly thrilled about me having this surgery. they say they are supportive...but... I hear CONSTANTLY: "well if you know you can do the post op eating regimine after surgery, just start that now and don't have the surgery" "you just have to be stronger willed and not eat as much" "just do the pre-op diet for longer. or do the post op diet now... why the rush..." "just....why cant you ..." anything they can think of to convince me that surgery is NOT the right choice. Honestly, the only 2 things that kept me from doing it earlier is the fear of family rejection and fear of post-op complications from surgery. Not the lifestyle, not the eating, not the change in everything I know. The fear of complications. And I know that's their fear too. so knowing that, how do I answer their questions? I know that logically that make sense and we should just do that. However, practically I know I cant do it, or I would have already done it. I tell them that and then I hear I just need to be better at being strong willed. I'm a week and a half away from my 6th month weight in. all my other tests and pre-op tests and evaluations will be done on the 23rd. then it gets submitted to insurance for approval. I've been doing this for 6 months with the doctors. But It took 2 years of going back and forth (in my mind) to make this decision. I am ready. more than ready, I'm excited!! Well, I WAS excited. Now I'm scared again and wondering if it worth the risk. ARG!!!

Before I began seriously researching WLS I believed the media stories about how unsafe it is and how people just regain the weight, etc. Even my PCP gave me the "weight regain" comment in trying to discourage me. But those stories are just the ones which make the news, b/c successes are not as interesting to read about somehow. Most non-obese people really think it's just a matter of willpower, and have no idea of the hormonal and genetic causes of obesity, so they think WLS is "the easy way out" as other threads have talked about, and why should we get to do it "the easy way" when they have to diet and exercise to lose their 10 extra holiday pounds? Out of all the diets I've tried, low carb worked the best for me and I stuck with it the longest and lost the most amount of weight, as well as physically felt the best on it, but I still fell off and regained it all plus 20 more. I think I will be able to use that in my post-op maintenance phase to prevent regain, but I need the feedback from the pouch and possible dumping to keep me from straying very far. I don't plan on telling very many people about the surgery. I'm separated from husband so that won't be a problem (he'd be entirely unsupportive, just as he was when I dieted) and I plan to tell my kids I'm having some stomach problems that need surgery (truth!) and they will not bother to inquire any further. At some point after losing a lot I'm sure I will let them know and others as well, but I can't deal with the comments early on and beforehand.

While most of us will think of your roommate as bitchy, jealous, and unsupportive, she is correct. It depends on how she said it I guess. But at any rate, it is a good idea to look into therapy, a support group, or just some soul searching and self realization if you can't do therapy for insurance or $ reasons. Do some reading on self esteem and self worth. You can find a lot online. But this journey is definitely an emotional, mental, and physical one. I am hoping by working on all of it, that it will decrease my chances of weight regain later.

You all are right and I think in a way I am in pre mourning for the food, although I have been telling my mom for years that i wish I just didnt have to eat to live. I would always say that with addiction to drugs or alcohol atleast you didnt need it to survive where if you have a food addiction its always around and you have to eat to live. I think once the surgery is done I will feel mentally better but there is so much junk going on right now. I am 33 in school, a so so crappy unsupportive relationship (while feeling like I cant do better), Im still married to my ex because he wants me back. **long story.. I do not have a regular sleep schedule and am sort of an insomniac who sits around to much and well I could go on and on. I want to thank you all for replying. I know that my relationship is super toxic but I do not have enough strength right now to leave. My body woes at this weight are temporary I know but are just contributing to my crummy self esteem and I think I need to get in and talk to a professional about the crud that is clogging up my brain. My mom told me today that I just need to do the best i can with my food and go for a walk everyday to get the blood flowing and I know she is absolutely right. THANK YOU ALL. YOUR POSTS REALLY CHEERED ME UP AND GOT ME FEELING A BIT BETTER TODAY. I have the feeling this might be a bumpy road.

Ah ok so yeah i see the difference in what you were initially intending to get across and my initial response. It is disappointing when your family is unsupportive and/or uncreative. Do they ever at least ask what you'd like to do? Do you have another support system around? They might just need a nudge. I typically spend my time with my friends over family, though my family is overall supportive, I am beyond the age of birthdays with them. Long before my surgery, my immediate family stopped with the typical cake celebration. Now it's usually a text or phone call and a card with some cash lol. I think in your case you'd have to guide your family to do something different if that's what you'd prefer. It's such an ingrained thing that celebrations equals food for a lot of us and they may need some help breaking that pattern at least every once in a while.

My only close family member (my sister) was completely unsupportive, and it actually seemed that she hoped I would fail. (I haven't.) I did have a spouse and a couple of close friends who were quite supportive, and I could rely on them when things got tough. However, they didn't really understand what I was going through (or even why I wanted surgery in the first place). I can tell you that this forum was an incredibly valuable source of support for me, both before and after my surgery. If you post here often, you will find a number of people who reply regularly and whose advice you can trust. As BetterMe said, don't worry about what others think. You know that you are doing this for yourself so that you can be healthy and not burdened by obesity in your daily life. Keep your eyes on the prize!

It's all about her and not about you and your health. My husband is extremely unsupportive. I didn't even tell him about the surgery as he had previous from for trying to cancel my much needed breast reduction behind my back 5 years ago. I texted him after the surgery and had left a whole folder of useful info and a letter explaining why I hadn't told him waiting on the kitchen countertop. I leaned on my very supportive friends who helped me with all travel especially. He now says it was the best decision I could have made, and that I was smart not to tell him as he wouldn't have understood and would have tried to stop it. You do you - it's your health and no one else's. She wouldn't like you telling her what to do with her body.

Well attended a seminar yesterday and today went to my pcp for a referral to get the ball rolling. Thing is, she seemed hell bent on scaring me off of the idea of WLS. She lectured me for 5 min on how it is horrible and how two of her other patients have had terrible side effects and brain damage and how it has ruined their lives. Then she went on to say all I needed to do was eat a bunch of salads and that she was 100% without a doubt correct and that I should just do it without surgery. I'm not really sure what to think, but I still requested the referral so I can speak to the doc myself. She also said that the surgeons view WLS as a means to profit and as soon as the deal is done that they ignore you and don't want to deal with you if you have complications. Anyone else have a PCP with a similar attitude?

blund, when she starts up with her negative comments, call her on it, say "why are you being so negative and unsupportive about my band?" If that does not work then tell her until you can keep your negative comments to yourself about my band, we will not be discussing my choice anymore. hope that helps!!

*Caution, Kind of a long read* Hi everyone, I had a my surgery in December 2019 and even before surgery my boyfriend of almost 5 years was very against me having surgery. His question is always "what am I going to gain from you having this surgery?" and he doesn't seem to care at all that losing weight is what is best for me. At my highest weight I was about 10 pounds shy of reaching 300 pounds and he always was very against me getting over 300 pounds and he constantly told me that if I worked out and ate right I could easily lose the weight I wanted to lose on my own (though it is very hard to lose almost 100 pounds on your own with support, i couldn't imagine doing it with the little to no support he was offering). He has horrible eating habits himself, soda, fast food 3-5 times weekly, and no exercise but lucky for him he has always been skinny and has a fairly good metabolism and never has to worry about his weight. I went back and forth for years over having surgery and my mom had gastric bypass in 2016 and lost about 200 pounds and is doing amazing and he swears up and down that I did this surgery just because she kept telling me to (which is entirely untrue) and that if I didn't listen to everything my mom said then I would have been able to lose the weight on my own and now he just thinks I took the easy way out. Which, a bit of back story, I was very very sick after my surgery and in a lot of pain and I could not get fluids or food down well for the first 2 months post op and I was so weak I could hardly get out of bed and if I did I would feel faint and practically pass out in the shower, on the toilet, etc. He saw me go through all of this until they found out I had a stricture and they had to go in and dilate it and now I feel amazing, but still after watching me go through all of this he still thinks that I was weak and took the easy way out. Now he thinks that at 3 months post op and 65 pounds down from my highest weight and still another 60 pounds away from my goal that I am getting far too skinny and that I need to stop right now at the weight that I am at or else he will no longer find me attractive. I don't think he seems to understand that I can not simply just stop losing weight and that I had this surgery in the first place to lose a significant amount of weight because I was morbidly obese. I have been overweight almost my whole life and all I have ever wanted was just to be a normal goal, have boys like me, make friends, have confidence, and be able to shop in a normal store and not have to desperately search for cute clothes which rarely existed in the plus sized section. Now I have a boy that I love and would hate to lose but he is making it seem like I made this super selfish decision to change MY BODY without his consent and that now I should feel guilty for potentially flushing out 4 year long relationship down the drain and wasting his time. I just don't know what to do now, he said not to call him until I can explain to him how me losing weight and getting "skinny" is going to benefit him in any way. I'm just saying, I did this surgery for me, I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself too. I don't give a single damn about being skinny, I just want to be happy and healthy and at almost 300 pounds I was so far from that that it's not even funny. I just need his support and I don't think i'll ever get it.

are u sure she was not a christin scientist? jw's are not against surgery, they believe in drs, some even are drs. i know this cuz my mom is one & has been my whole life. it is strange that she asked u any of those questions, she was being a bit nosy & forward! i can see if u were @ an abortion clinic or something her suggestive remark but otherwise i agree that she was out of line. ignore the remarks of naysayers, unsupportive people, & ESPECIALLY people who know NOTHING about you or your situation!!! ---for the record, even if you were @ an abortion clinic or some place like that NO ONE has the right to force thier own opinion on you & i do not want you to thinjk in any way that i am defending the actions of this lady!

React as if they are acting appropriately. Keep repeating it until they get the point. "I appreciate that you are willing to take an interest in my health. Your support means a lot to me." Eventually they will get the idea that you are not interested in debating with them, that they are, in fact, acting like unsupportive jerks; and that their continued hurtful comments and questions are not going to get them the result or debate that they want. And they'll either shut up or decide that they really *should* be supportive.

He's half way supportive. He still asks me if I'm sure, if he buys me a treadmill for the living room will that be better etc... He's naturally skinny and there isn't an ounce of fat or fat related disease in his family so I understand why he doesn't get it. That said, he's not unsupportive, just kind of "oh ok if you want to do this ok"... I'm not thinking he "gets" how major this really is, but I guess we'll find out. He's also never lived on his own so never had to really do much of anything house or cooking related when I went in for my first c section, my son was 3 and we still lived near the in laws and they helped him out with DS. When I went in for my second c section the in laws moved up here to our basement for a week to help out (mind you I was only out of commission for not even a week) Now my FIL is dead, MIL doesn't drive and I am not even telling that side of the family about surgery so we have no outside help. Not that he should need it my kids are pretty self sufficient (12,8&3) only the youngest needs help with most everything. I'm just freaking because I am a control freak and do it ALL from a-z taking care of them since im a SAHM its my job (agreed upon and enjoy 100%, it works for us ) Anyway, I am going to work on jobs for the kids, that's a good idea! They have regular chores but I can definitely have them help more too!

I recently learned from my bestie that my husband...who was the most supportive person possible (and still is)....was a wreck during my surgery and didn't sleep the night before. So often I think unsupportive people, particularly those who love us....are just incredibly scared. Especially people who are fearful of medical procedures themselves. It might come out as nay-saying and nastiness....but I think the root is fear.

I'd like to mention that if the Dr. puts you on a liquid diet and you follow it/lose weight, the weight you were previous will not count as starting BMI for insurance. I don't know if you are self-pay or not, but I would be worried that I may lose weight in an unsustainable way and then end up gaining it all back again. I would find out the absolute specifics on your insurance policy and then call around to center of excellence bariatric practices and get scheduled. Also, I did decide to switch my primary care Dr when I decided on WLS because the one I had been seeing had always seemed so unsupportive and BORED when I talked to her about my weight problems. If you feel you need to switch Dr's, do it! I actually found my new Dr by asking the receptionist at the weight loss practice if there was someone she could recommend.

I've only told my hubby and my mom. My hubby's family is gossip central and incredibly opinionated. It is awful. The whole town would know if we told them. I've been a stay at home mom for almost 10 years and have had my own business for 3 years. I chose to keep my decision private for now. My fear was the endless opinions and gossip. I made this choice for myself about 5 years ago. Now I am completely ready. When the time comes, due to rapid weight loss, I will probably have to say something. I'll deal with it then. At that point it will be a little late for opinions and unsupportive comments. But, until then, I really like the positive support I have from my hubby & mom. I've made it through my 6 month diet, just got approved a few days ago by ins and now waiting to get it all scheduled. I am so excited!!!!

Her comments are passive aggressively malicious and entirely inappropriate. This isn't your sister or your best friend since childhood, and even if she had that vital, intimate role, she still wouldn't be the one living in your body and leading your life. Only you know can fully understand your own experiences and your own reasons for having the surgery. Perhaps she would like to have the surgery but doesn't have the means for it, or has an unsupportive spouse or something of that nature, and her comments are fueled by jealousy she's trying to disguise as concern. I'm a very sensitive person and would have a hard time not being affected by comments like that, too, but do try to not let them steal your happiness. I would just very politely but firmly tell her that if you ever are needing her input or advice you will be sure to go to her and let her know, but while at work you really want to focus on work. If she ever tells you that others are talking about you, tell her that it reminds you of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." She also said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Do not give that consent to this woman or anyone else. You have every reason to be proud of your achievements.