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if your doctor has approved you for the process, then HE does not think you are too young. I have been on a diet since 1978 and joined a gym twice, and am still 100 pounds overweight. Like the others here are saying, overweight issues tend to perpetuate themselves, and all of a sudden you are in your forties or fifties or sixties, and still overweight with arthritis and multiple joint replacements. I wish this process would have been available when I was younger. If someone is being unsupportive of your decision to manage your own health your own way, then put your hands over your ears and hum Yankey Doodle. You do you.

I chose not to keep it a secret. My reason was that so many people that I work with struggle with their weight, even those who are"skinny" work to maintain it. So I thought I would be open and answer all of the questions, figuring that not only was I widening my support system, but maybe help someone along the way. I have been very fortunate, I work with four different schools and have not had one negative or unsupportive comment during this whole experience. It actually has been the opposite, I have gotten many supportive cheers for my accomplishments so far. Even a few of my "skinnier" friends, have started exercising again with me. I went so far as to post a monthly update with comparison photos on my Facebook account. I think each person has to know what they are comfortable dealing with and how much information you are willing to share about the journey.

@@Long2BFree, you may be feeling extra-sensitive around the edges now that your band was removed. The unsupportive tone you detect from nutritionist and your mother wouldn't help either. I certainly don't know the placement of furniture in your office, but, if there's no table equidistant from all staff, someone will be closer to the treats. It can happen, bit it's hard to imagine someone in a supervisory position intending to leave some people out. Is this something to consider?

As we start out on our Weight Loss Journey it is always nice to have someone share the trek. Often,we talk about this or that person being unsupportive. Who is your main support person? Is it your husband,your wife, your mother or father, your significant other, your partner, a good friend or your children. Who do feel has "your back" no matter what? Or is the friends you have made on Bariatric Pal? I'll start with me since I brought the subject up. My main one is my son, he is super supportive, is happy with my weight victories, understands when my weight stalls and I get cranky. I have 2 friends who have gone through WLS and all my new friends on Bariatric Pal who have taught me so much. So okay, who do you have whose help you know you can rely on?

they may seem like they don't care and honestly, some of them might not but it is probably more a case of them not knowing what to say. Most of the general public have zero understanding of weight loss surgery and what a major life change it is - not just the surgery itself, but all the mental aspects that go along with it. So don't expect everyone to get it. Remember, they haven't been living in your body so they have no idea what your personal struggles with being overweight are and therefore don't understand how important this is for you. You are getting the surgery FOR YOU, at the end of the day - it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have a support system here and it sounds like your family is supporting you as well. I would suggest now before your surgery, make a list of all the reasons why are you getting the surgery and another list of all the things you are looking forward to being able to do. Whenever you have a down moment or feel alone and unsupported - look at those lists. It's the emotional support you give to yourself that is going to be most important on this journey.

I agree with all the great posters, and the cute reference to Kat Williams, a hysterical comedian, and his 'haters' advice! It seriously made me feel better when I heard him joke that it was a good thing to have haters. For me, the people who have been the most unsupportive were the people who were weight-conscious, but never over-weight. Does that make sense? I.E. my half-sister who exercises every once and a while but feels she a guru because she stays in good shape, or my ex-roommate who was a nursing student who was on a strict diet of fat free butter and daily Chipotle (because THAT'S healthy??) and would give me lectures about eating burritos from local taco joints, but she's never been 10 lbs or more overweight. She admitted her father had a heart-attack and that's why her family started being a little more 'conscious' of food. When I first signed up for Lapbandtalk.com back in March, she looked on my Laptop and came into my rooms saying, "I need to talk to you." She treated it as some intervention, sat on my bed and told me YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT!! Like I was literally giving up on myself by looking into surgery. I took her whacked advice with a grain of salt, but started to notice a pattern iin who was supportive and who was not. Another big critic was my then best-friend, a girl who had lost 40 pounds on weight watchers with me a few years before. She maintained her loss, which I did not. But she had never been overweight before, and I had struggled my whole life. She admittedly had an eating disorder and had a binge purge type of diet. Anyway, the people that have bothered me about it have never truly had a problem or if they did, were unable to sustain it in a healthy way, and I do think it stems from jealousy. She still send me forwards to this day about failed BYPASS patients she read about in biology or nutrition class. So don't feel alone that you have haters. There's my story! I used to think exactly like you did about taking the easy way out, infact, that's what I thought it was when I started researching it (kind of...I mean..I thought I could get away with more than you actually can) II have done WW a million times and gained and lost the same 30 pounds, then self-sabotaged myself when I gained...I looked as the band to me an addition to a healthy lifestyle that I was allowed to slip on, but not allowed to self-sabotage anymore. Good luck.

Your post really touched me. I'm sorry that your family isn't supportive. I come from a very large family and have chosen not to tell any of them except for my twin sister who has been amazing. My husband and 12 year old son have also been incredible so I'm very fortunate. A few things came to mind while reading your post. I noticed that you're hoping to be banded by March 2008? So the good news it that you still have time. Are there any local colleges? You could check into having a college student (of course after you interview them) help out. You would have to pay but I bet you could get a really good deal. Check to see if the college has an early childhood ed. dept. I was banded on the 26th and stayed overnight. You can ask the surgeon what his/her policy is on that. My recovery was a little rough but not because of pain, mostly from being exhausted. It sounds like your children are old enough to be okay if you have to rest from time to time. Please don't let your unsupportive family get in your way, You deserve this and nothing should stop you! I hope I was helpful! You're in my thoughts and I wish you the very best! Jenn

I think you just described exactly what I am going thru today. I haven't been handed yet. The whole "deciding" to have surgery instead of "having to" have surgery (like for my cesearean when there was no advance notice). I think that is what I am struggling with, even though I've been fighting my weight for 9 years and over the years I've had chest pains, back pain, etc not to mention a family history with everything you can imagine that obesity can contribute to. I know I need to do something about my weight and what I've done in the past hasn't lasted longer than a few months at a time. But still, I am having the cold feet thing today although I'm 3 weeks out - probably due to talking to an unsupportive friend just a few minutes ago!

We've talked about her negative reaction as much as either of us are willing to, sometimes it's better to take a breath and move forward. I can talk about getting the surgery etc booked now without her getting angry and bitchy and that's more than I expected after our first two attempts at talking about it. Her fears, she claims, we're about the dangers of surgery. But I think there was a lot more going on internally for her than she was willing to admit to herself, with her food is love mentality and the fact that she is big herself so I belive she's feeling... judged? Kind of? Even though that's not the case. I also think that it makes her have to take a long hard look at her own weight and is just easier to get angry and be unsupportive than deal with that you know? I will not be staying with her when I get home (I'll be in my father's house and she lives 2.5 hrs away) so I'm just not going to see her until I feel more settled into post-op life as I don't want her opinions to affect me mentally if her attitude gets the better of her. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

He is overweight, but not obese....maybe that is why, then...insecurity. I did tell him today that I wanted him to show me how to lift light weights after surgery and asked him if we could start exercising together. He was totally against that and said if he wanted to lose weight, he would just watch what he ate until he lost a few pounds...I dunno...Maybe we are hitting a fork in the road. The only thing that worries me, is that if he is this unsupportive now, what is he going to be like after I have it?

My hubby was incredibly supportive when I was banded back in 2001. Heck, he even pureed food for me to eat...lol. He went with me to my appointments, really, everything you could ask. I distinctly remember how concerned he was over everything but then also celebrated in successes and complimented me on my looks. Well, after a couple of years I had regained everything lost plus some and had lots of problems etc etc. He never said a negative word. Fast forward nearly a decade and after trying everything AGAIN and i still weighed 300# I decide to revise - originally thinking of the RNY but wound up with the sleeve. He told me basically that he wouldn't oppose it but he was not thrilled. He wouldn't talk about it. He never went to a single doctors appointment except for the actual surgery since he had to drive me. Well, also the band removal surgery - so twice. He and my son came and visited me (I stayed one night) and they did make sure I wasn't left alone during the first 24 hours home (doctors orders). So, fast forward to almost 11 months later and nearly 120# lost - he has still not gone to a single doctors appointment. He has never complimented me on how I look, how hard I have worked, how much I have lost etc. He never asks anything about my progress and is indifferent to what or how I eat. He often brings junky food in the house and it is my problem to deal with. I finally said to to him the other day that he has never complimented me and that I don't feel very attractive to him. His answer "I have always found you attractive". End of conversation. So, here is my perspective on this whole deal. I WISH he was showering me in compliments and joy but the truth of the matter is this is my journey, not his. The band promised all this great success too and all it really brought me was hell. I am thinking he is thinking that the jury is still out on this sleeve thing. It does kind of hurt me that he doesn't tell me I look great, but in the big picture I need to find the motivation from within. The junk food in the house is an issue so I have him put it in a cabinet that I just don't open on a routine basis. That helps. I would caution anyone, especially with small children to NOT make any big decisions about your relationship during this time. The surgery and losing weight can cause alot of turmoil, emotional ups and downs etc. In the end, it might be that the spouse has his own reasons for why he is being "Unsupportive" and at least for me, it is not a reason to end a relationship. I know he wants me to be successful and happy, I think he is just afraid to get invested in it as of course I have failed over and over again. I want him to believe along with me that I can keep this weight off, but I can hardly blame him for being a skeptic. For some spouses, it could be insecurity, but put yourself in his shoes and I guess you can understand where some of that might come from. Give it time and do remember that this is your journey and in the end you make it what it is; our spouses are pretty much just along for the ride anyway.

Get a new husband. Its 2019, no time for unsupportive and disrespectful spouses. Sent from my SM-G960U using BariatricPal mobile app

My husband actually said that I need to stop losing weight because I'm starting to look like a "Crack Head". 😢 yes my feelings are crushed 💔

Please I need no judgement or I told you so or anything that comes off as a micro-aggressive. Hello I’m Halle I’m 22 HW: 381 CW:358 GW: Healthy - Sleeved: June 15, 2020 TX I have depression, anxiety, 420 friendly, anime lover, etc wanna know not up here you can ask! I feel like I’m in crisis, for one I know that this is not a easy fix, takes times etc. I don’t need a lecture I just need someone to vent or ask questions. I have been doing ok at first but I’ve hit a painful stop the gas pains are debilitating and nausea has me throwing the towel I have a phobia of vomiting just pretty much a hypochondriac when it comes to health. I am on the full liquid diet but all forms of protein won’t settle and lactose feels like land mines as soon as they are in my stomach. My question is does it get better? Did you bend the rules and do what your gut says? My surgeon and nurses have been dismissive and lack of emotional it’s like as soon as they got paid I’m my own problem no access to immediate help, support or nothing. My family and friends had made it hard these first week by being unsupportive and insensitive but that’s another story. I would love to have some people to chat with and get real with. Thanks for reading and sorry for coming off rude but after reading a ton of post it’s been a headache.

Congrats Ellen ! Glad everything went well and you're home. I was lucky enough not to have a roommate but I've had them before so I do feel your pain. So happy your hubby is being so supportive. This is hard to do alone or with unsupportive families.

I also work in a hospital...the hospital i will be having my surgery in. This means that there is no way around my coworkers knowing. So I have decided that if they know, they know but I personally don't want to offer it up. Most would be overly supportive, I just don't want judgements to be passed that don't need to be. The only people that know are my very supportive mother, unsupportive father, and my bestfriend. I'm contemplating telling my boyfriend of 5 years but even though I trust him, I live in a small town and am afraid everyone would soon know. So i agree-it is a personal decision and neither is wrong. Its whatever works for you. Just know, there is nothing better you can do for yourself then improve your health...and when it comes down to it, who really cares what others think!! Goodluck everyone

Wow, sorry to be harsh but your husband sucks and not only is he an unsupported d**k he sounds like a bully. He is obviously uneducated on what the band does and how it works. Good luck to you. You have a long journey ahead of you with that kind of support system.

Your husband is (excuse my profanity) a complete asshat. I know I've lost lots of weight over the years using all manner of diets. And I've regained every damned bit of weight after as well. This surgery is a tool to help you get control of your eating habits, allowing you to relearn how to eat healthy and create an entirely new lifestyle if done properly. It is not a fad or a diet - it is a total life change. Your relationship with food is forever altered. So if you weren't already aware of that, then I guess it might be something to think about. But the fact is, no one exercises every day. No one eats perfectly every single day. This isn't a sign of lack of commitment; it's a sign of being human. But using the sleeve, you'll lose the gnawing hunger, and the ability to eat large quantities and also for about a year's time, you'll lose the overwhelming desire to eat really bad stuff. This gives you a chance to change up everything. You should become better at making healthy choices overall, so that the indulgence of a small slice of cake or a few Cookies every once in a while don't do anything to your weight. Or feel well enough to get out there and walk or ride a bike or go play a sport several times a week. You might even get to enjoy certain activities to the point where they don't even feel like you're exercising. That's the goal - and with this surgery, it is achievable. He is a jerk for being so unsupportive. He is a jerk for not understanding that carrying large amounts of weight around is only going to increase your health issues as you get older, and he is a total jerk for trying to make you feel like a failure before you've even tried. Just because you've lost some weight now doesn't mean you will be able to keep it off long term, and you are giving up on yourself because he's basically put you down enough to where you feel like it is a given that you will fail at this too. And that is the biggest jerk move of all. Even if you do give up on this surgery, you need to sit down and really examine the relationship where your husband is so unsupportive of something that is meant to improve your health and well being. It might be that he is scared something bad might happen, or it might be that he is upset that you might get better to the point where you might leave him or some other insecurity he has that makes him project his fears and anger at you. Because that sounds like a really crappy relationship to have, and I would be super pissed off at my spouse if he acted that way. All of this should have all be discussed and worked out months ago - when you first started this whole weight loss journey. He should not be freaking out and making you feel awful just days before your surgery. And that is why I say he's being a complete asshat - because he is so small and petty as to basically tear you down right when you need him to be there for you - no matter what his reasoning is for doing so. Big hugs, and I hope you can have a real conversation with him regarding his attitude and what you need from him and he actually hears what you're saying. And good luck with whatever you decide... but I do hope you are able to move forward.

Think less about comebacks, and more about his comments. Is he afraid of having you do the surgery? Is he anxious you're going to lose a lot of weight and leave him? Is he worried that you won't be able to do the same things together? But honestly, if he has always been unsupportive as it seems, just keep yourself focused on the prize. Either he will get in line eventually, or he won't. This is about YOU, and YOUR decision. GOOD LUCK, you will do well!

Tomorrow I meet with my family practicioner to talk about a 3 month weight loss plan that will make my health insurance happy so I can have the surgery. I'm kinda scared that the dr will just say to me "well have you thought about diet and exercise?" I'm kind of expecting that answer from him because he seems the type. The problem is that I need his recommendation for my insurance to approve the surgery. Has anyone else had a problem with their doctor being less than supportive about WLS? What have you done about it? Has anyone had to switch doctors because of this problem?

I recently learned from my bestie that my husband...who was the most supportive person possible (and still is)....was a wreck during my surgery and didn't sleep the night before. So often I think unsupportive people, particularly those who love us....are just incredibly scared. Especially people who are fearful of medical procedures themselves. It might come out as nay-saying and nastiness....but I think the root is fear.

I was really unsupportive of moms RNY surgery 2 years ago. I told her she was taking the easy way out... Fast forward to present time I have repeatedly apologized for not being there 110% for her, this is by no way the easy way out. I was uneducated and jealous. People don't understand.... Its the hardest and best decision of my life. Surgery 7/25/12

Below is just a snippet of some of our conversations about my journey. She is very unsupportive and it's hard to ignore. She is my best friend. I share everything with her and it's hard to not share this with her but when I do share she is beyond unsupportive. ☹️ Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I guess I have to respectfully disagree. I see the advantage of both positive and negative information. But I believe the quality of the reviews speak for themselves. I give about as much credence to unsupported positive reviews as negative ones. And to be honest? Lap band really has been a terrible choice for some people. It's good for me to hear about these stories so that I can think about the way I live, my risk factors, and make a judgment about likely I am to suffer a similar fate. Something that's a little related... has anyone noticed that bariatric surgeons, in general, seem a little less candid and neutral than a lot of other doctors? I spoke with five different doctors in considering gastric procedures, and all of them were frankly, a little too optimistic. Not one told me I should reconsider surgery or highlighted any possible complications or negatives unless I directly asked about them first. And even then, they glossed over them, dismissing them fairly quickly, often intimating that they were the result of patient non-compliance or true flukes. They weren't as able to give me dispassionate clinical statistics regarding how many of their patients had kept off a significant amount of weight for five years, how many needed revisions, etc. I guess they're selling the dream. The before and after pic. But again, I feel like many bariatric surgeons walk too fine a line between plastic surgeons and other surgeons who offer mainly non-elective procedures and have no problems discussing potential risks in a very candid and thorough way. I probably wouldn't have done lap band if it wasn't for these forums, and the ability to do my own, independent medical research so that I felt like I knew what I was getting, warts and all.

Hi everyone I am 3 weeks post-op and would love to talk to others who are starting off new like me or people who has been through what I am experiencing with a stall and unsupportive people or just anyone who can share what I have to look for.