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So here I am. I have decided to take a step towards the final frontier of my personal happiness. My health. I have been through a hell of a ride on my journey to today. I have struggled through a dysfunctional marriage to an abusive alcoholic, stood witness to the attack on New York City first hand, narrowly escaped death from sepsis blood poisoning, fought a ten year fertility battle, and buried a friend/lover taken far too young from brain cancer. Life as a human being is hard enough, no wonder I was unable to keep my weight under control – there was too much else to focus on. Today, I am the proud mother of a beautiful two year old boy, I am fulfilled in my 10+ year career with a fantastic company who value my efforts, I own my own home, have a functional car, and am in a relationship with a man whom I have known almost all my life in some capacity… its new… its fresh, but its good. He is kind, and patient and wonderful with my son. The song Good Mother by Jan Arden goes through my head on a daily basis these days – if you don’t know it, check it out on YouTube. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to truly believe that I am finally happy and at peace. There is only one concern left… and that is my weight and my health. I have tried over the years to lose weight and on a couple of occasions have been somewhat successful, most notably loosing 70ish lbs in 2001 on the Dr. Bernstein Diet. But, being predisposed to easily gain, it keeps coming back. Last year I topped my scales (having left my husband 3x in the same year my child was born) at 296! I knew I had to do something and quick. I started an exercise regiment and eating well, and managed to lose 26 lbs in about 4 months. 270 felt pretty good and I started to gain back some confidence in myself and hope for my future. Then suddenly, my guy (who was not my guy at the time) broke up with his girlfriend and landed on my couch!! We were not an item but decided to try and live as roommates until he either found something more permanent or the arrangement was too awkward. Riiiiiiiight. That clearly didn’t and wasn’t going to work. He came with a WHOLE lot of baggage and there were some serious growing pains – the to point where I threw him out of my house in January. That’s what we needed I guess to determine that our friendship (and the stuff that blossomed along with it) was in fact a love neither of us were looking for. But, all that confusion and activity made me put my weight loss on the back burner, yet again. So here I go again, at the start of this year, new diet, new exercise regiment –this is going to be it! I rejoined Weight Watchers (probably for the 18-20th time) and bought myself a treadmill. Starting the year off at 278 I went gang busters being perfectly well behaved with my eating and working out on my treadmill approx 5 times a week at 40 minutes a pop. I was on the move again and dropped to 265. Then suddenly I started suffering from sciatica. So, thinking that the exercise would sort it out, I pushed harder – increasing my efforts to every day and included some workouts on my vibration platform. By the end of February I could no longer sleep or stand for long periods of time without pain. Turns out I have something called Piriformis Syndrome. Apparently what is happening is a muscle that attaches somewhere in my butt and hip is clenching up when I exercise and pinching my sciatic nerve. Are you KIDDING ME? So through acupuncture, deep massage therapy and chiropractic, they are still trying to make the muscle ease up… and I have not been able to work out. I continued my diet plan for a while but then threw my hands in the air out of frustration and so here I am - and back up to 277.8. So much effort to lose it, so easily regained. What I do I know is that I have the will and determination to make this work… all I need is the rewarding results for my efforts. One thing that my fella said to me shortly after we started to cohabitate was, "I dont understand with all that you do, and how you eat, how you weight more than 98 pounds!" That sort of outside review is the justification I needed! :wub: This is a big step... and a bit scary... but I am worth this effort, and there is simply put, nothing I wouldn't do for my boy. He deserves a healthy mommy who will be with him a long long time. Let’s do this thing. May 10, 2013. Dr. Rodrigues at Star Medica in Juarez. I’m ready.

My philosophy from the beginning of my journey has been, train like an athlete for the rest of my life. I have food cravings, mostly protein. My thinking revolves around feeding my muscles, having enough carbs for energy and vitamin nutrition and fiber for health. The garbage food that is presented to me gets little more than a taste. I am building something here, I have sworn off tearing myself down. The sleeve was a gift given to me. It cost me $1000. out of pocket and nearly $40,000 was paid by insurance. It was like I was walking to a goal that was impossible to reach and someone came along and gave me the keys to a Rolls Royce. I would be an idiot to not make the most of this. An alcoholic once told me he used to detox just so alcohol would have a greater effect on him, not to change his life. Get clean, get dirty again. You might hate being fat but that is not enough. You have to hate living and thinking like a fat person. You must hate the process of getting fat. Stay off that train, find the right one!

"Hello! I am 20 months post-op. I have been maintaining for a 13 months. I can drink fluids just as I did pre-op. I get grief from other sleevers cause I drink sparkling Water all day long. It has not and will not stretch my sleeve" Sleeve of steel may be the exception- - surgeons and bariatric professionals have seen more failures than one individual who is able to break the rules and be successful. For the general population it is NOT recommended to push the limits and the rules . Even gastric bypasses are seen DAILY stretched by such behavior. No one is saying dont do it-- don't let it become a habit. Studies show that obesity is easily replaced with alcoholism or other addictive behavior- shopping and gambling as examples. Life is about moderation- obesity isn't because any of us practiced that very well--- the rules are like AA 12 step to keep you on track and not testing your limits.

Hello! I am 20 months post-op. I have been maintaining for a 13 months. I can drink fluids just as I did pre-op. I get grief from other sleevers cause I drink sparkling Water all day long. It has not and will not stretch my sleeve!! But to answer your question about alcohol-- I had my first beer 4-5 months post op. And have had 2-3 beers per week regularly since the 9 month mark. On my Birthday last year I may have had 6 beers over the course of 4 hours hehehe... So once in a while you can splurge, and I have maybe 2-3 beers on Fridays with my fiance and we share an appetizer. I am normal, and that's what I love about the sleeve. I do make good choices mostly throughout the week and I work out. Just wait until your healed, and if you can do it in moderation, and maintain your weight loss.... why not?

I asked my surgeon this very thing because I LOVE beer and a Rum and Coke. He told me to give up the carbonated drinks, he said it can make the new stomach feel really uncomfortable, and to be ware that alcohol will greatly slow down the body's burning of fat. He recommended that I wait until I am at, or very near, my goal weight before I reintroduce alcohol. Good luck to you!

I'm planning on having a drink, or at least 4 sips of one, real soon. It is worthy of mention however, that a lot of people have lowered tolerance for alcohol after the sleeve. My husband knows a man from work that had the sleeve about a year ago. This guy started having a few drinks on occasion, progressed to having drinks frequently to combat the frustration he felt over not being able to eat normally anymore, then ended up in rehab. Such a shame. The only good part is that he's lost a ton of weight and looks great. I've never been a big drinker so over doing it won't be a problem, but for some it could cause big problems.

I am three months out and have not had any carbonation.....doesn't bother me at all to not have it. I have had alcohol a few times....wine, cosmo, margarita. My tolerance is much lower but when I have to enter the calories into "myfitnesspal.com" it is not worth it.

Broke my halo is spot on !! You won't need/ want or desire it. Initally it BURNED my new stomach- your tolerance will be a 1/4 of now, you can't eat to off set the alcohol-- I can eat OR drink not both. Until your at goal- give it up-- the carbonation will stretch your pouch, cause pain and delay you, the alcohol burns and increases calories. Your new sight post sleeve is to get to a healthier weight, smaller pant size, learn a new lifestyle--- refocus and good luck !

I hate to be the buzz kill but I would be super careful with alcohol. I would kick soda and avoid alcohol until you have reached your goal. I know, I know. No fun. When I had my lapband, I was drinking a month after. Totally sabotaged my weight loss and honestly replaced food for a while. Now with my revision I plan on avoiding alcohol, if I go out I plan on ordering Water with lemon- or a virgin drink. A few sips can turn into a whole drink, then 2 drinks... Sounds boring and will be boring, but let me tell you NOTHING sucks more than letting alcohol slow your weight loss. Take advantage of this stage of your surgery, in the start is when you can really drop some serious weight. I have worked in Bariatrics for over 6 years, I've seen hundreds of patients ruin their surgery because of alcohol choices. The last thing you want to do is make alcohol apart of your journey and make it seem "normal", get use to your new life alcohol free, after 9+months (or reaching your goal) of KNOWING how your new stomach works start introducing alcohol. /endbuzzkill.

I drink anything that isn't mixed with soda - wine, Margaritas, vodka cran. I am restricted mostly by lowered tolerance. Tread carefully when you reintroduce alcohol. Where it may used to take you four drinks to get drunk, it might now be one. I had my first drink (few sips of wine) about 30 days out, but it was New Years Eve. I'd wait as long as you can, but a minimum of that. For instance, I did NOT drink on Christmas because it was an uncomfortably "too soon" risk I wouldn't take. I now regularly enjoy a drink when I want one, which is really only about once every week or two for me. Not much. I'm about 4.5 months out, but its been that way for me since right around the 3 mo post-op point.

I'm scheduled for the VGS on the 7th May. I'm really looking forward to my life changes ahead. I know it will be hard but one of my biggest concerns is not being able to drink the alcohol of my choice (Jim Beam with Coke Zero) anymore as ill feel full. I socialize every weekend and I will be impacted by this change and wanted your thoughts and views on this subject. What do people drink when socializing? Are you restricted? How long did you have to wait before having a drink?

Momto6ix, I just had my sleeve done on March 20th and believe me if there were any other way for me to successfully lose weight - I would have never put myself through this pain. (I am alergic to the majority of pain meds so pain management is not fun for me). There have been a few items pointed out to you in some other posts that I will repeat, that I hope may help you understand a bit better. This is a tool, and it is a tool only as good as it is used, and if used properly helps in these ways a conventional diet does not. 1.) The stomach size is reduced by aprox 85% depending on the surgeon and the size of stomach that is left. Leaving only 2 to 6 once of space for both food and drink. So overeating in the early stages in not an option - you can't choose to ignore this diet. 2.) The hormone ghrelin is what causes up to feel hunger - this surgery removes the part of the stomach that produces this hormone so hunger is elimanted. If you are not phyiscally hungry all the time - you don't feel like you need to eat all the time. Early on after this surgery there is still some actual hunger especially when you are still on the liquid phase of the diet, this is normal. Combining both 1 and 2 causes you not to be able to quit. Since you can only eat a few onces at a time, you are forced to make better food choices. If you make the wrong choices your body lets you know. Either you are sick to your stomach or worse, you can become protien deficiant and very ill. All of us who go through this surgery know we must eat a certain amount of Protein each day to avoid this, so we are forced to chose our foods more carefully. On a regular diet you can cheat, binge eat, or just stop if you like with no consequences other than not losing weigth. If you cheat on the surgery (and we will all be tempted or think ahhh just one bite of this won't hurt) you will pay for it in a real way. Because you are forced to comply you will lose weight, and will be more confident as you lose the weight that you will lose more. And as you lose weight you feel better, as you feel better you are more inclinded to exercise. It is that simple. Now as far as your husband being able to walk but not use an exercise bike - it is to soon for the bike, think of the motion your legs take as you bike how they press upon your stomach, this will cause pain for many this soon out. And my doctor personally told me not to use a bike for at least 6 weeks or until I was cleared for this type of exercise. To only walk as much as I can - not to overdoe, to much exercise to soon can cause injury to the insicions and the internal incisions and cause a tear or leak which will only send you packing back to the hospital. Slow but sure is best. As far as his "stall" this too is normal at this stage "A "stall" a few weeks out is inevitable, and here's why. Our bodies use glycogen for short term energy storage. Glycogen is not very soluble, but it is stored in our muscles for quick energy -- one pound of glycogen requires 4 lbs of Water to keep it soluble, and the average glycogen storage capacity is about 2 lbs. So, when you are not getting in enough food, your body turns first to stored glycogen, which is easy to break down for energy. And when you use up 2 lbs of glycogen, you also lose 8 lbs of water that was used to store it -- voila -- the "easy" 10 lbs that most people lose in the first week of a diet. As you stay in caloric deficit, however, your body starts to realize that this is not a short term problem. You start mobilizing fat from your adipose tissue and burning fat for energy. But your body also realizes that fat can't be used for short bursts of energy -- like, to outrun a saber tooth tiger. So, it starts converting some of the fat into glycogen, and rebuilding the glycogen stores. And as it puts back the 2 lbs of glycogen into the muscle, 8 lbs of water has to be stored with it to keep it soluble. So, even though you might still be LOSING energy content to your body, your weight will not go down or you might even GAIN for a while as you retain water to dissolve the glycogen that is being reformed and stored." from www.dcfacts.com. Also you may not get weight loss if you do not get enough protein (60g-80g) every day. If you do not eat at regular intervals every day or if you do not drink enough fluids (64oz) daily. And finally it takes time for your brain to catch up to your body. Those of us who have taken this extreem route of surgery know that it was our last choice and last chance, it is not taken lightly. Since eat is a very social event for many of us it will take each of us a different amount of time to adjust to being around large groups, resteraunts, or events. And Alcohol is not really reccomended for at least 6 months to a year after surgery and even then only in very small amounts and not on a regular basis. So there will be adjustment to make. Personally being very close to the same time out as your husband I can identify with his feelings. For me if you are not going to save positive things to me, then say nothing. This is an extreem strugle whether you believe it or understand it or not. And most of us here know 100% that without this tool we could never lose weight and keep it off. So it is not just one thing that makes this tool effective, it is many. And the choice to quit- has been taken away from us all, so this is why this is so much different from any diet you do by choice.

It will be great. Today is 2-weeks post-op for me. Other than serious nausea when I eat one bite too many, everything has been great! I went back to work at 8 days, and I am a pretty active teacher. I took it easy last week and this week is LEAP testing, so I don't know how I would have done if I had to be super active, but I feel perfectly normal and have since about day 5. My incisions are healed perfectly, no drain (thank God), and I am down 20 pounds in 2 weeks. I did not do so well with Easter chocolates around, or I probably would have lost more. I live and learn and work on doing better and making positive choices each day. My emotions have been all over the place, and I just started my first period in about 2 years (I have an IUD, which I will check religiously to make sure it is in place...no babies for this girl!). That, honestly, has been the hardest thing--the emotional roller coaster. I read about people with food addictions and think that's not me, but I think it really is/was. I'm working on that, though. My relationship is not as good as it was, and I don't know if I am being a picky b***h or if he really is driving me crazy and that maybe I was settling. I'll wait til after the period to see how that works out, but I'll have to be honest with myself (easiest person to lie to is self) and be prayerful about it. Today I threw up twice. That's not normal, but it's not so bad. I guess because I don't have mass quantities of food (or alcohol) to get out. Still feel funky from the last time, so took a phenergan and will pass out soon. I have a post-op nutritionist meeting tomorrow, but was moved to puréed foods Saturday. I tolerate it well, but I see how little I can actually eat right now. Hopefully in a week I can have normal food (I did once and just chewed the hell out of it because I really had no other options, which was stupid of me to not think and plan ahead. Like I said, live and learn.) I will pray for you guys. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I'm not on as much since going back to work, so you might have to remind me to respond, even though I read daily. Geaux Tigers and have a ball, y'all! ~Jolie

After reading her story, how can society not consider food an addiction? All you have to do is substitute drugs or alcohol for her issues with eating and you have an addict same as an alcoholic or drug addict.

Per-sleeve here, but very aware of what these ingredients do to me. Check for sugar alcohols, sucrolose, and aspartame....will cause diarrhea... I will have to be very careful choosing my protein shakes

Momto6ix, why don't you leave it up to your husband about the bday party, including the menu and alcohol that he wants to serve? That's what I would want in his place. If I were him, I would definitely want to still have the party and I would enjoy my time with family and friends and I would make sure there were a couple of sleeve-friendly things that I could eat. You really have an enriched experience focusing very little on the food at these gatherings when you are post-VSG. It sounds like you might miss the routine with your husband of having a buddy who likes to go out to eat with you or doing food-centric things with family. I wondered about this with my husband bc we have only gone out to eat twice since I had surgery 8 weeks ago. But he has not complained at all and we have actually saved some money, too.

Oh, and more then a year out I do enjoy the occasional cocktail -especially "skinny" ones. I don't drink beer because it is heavy and carby and carbonated, but i am guessing that every once in awhile it will be just fine. IT would be better if you all waited till you get to goal though because those kind of "treats" add empty calories. Do watch alcohol in the early months though. I had a few sips of wine about 4 months out at a big celebration and that sucker burned. I can have a little red now with no problem... but it was not pleasant early on and i don't recommend it. The big risk with alcohol, even once you are at maintenance is that your body handles it differently. Be very very careful with it. I made a mistake of having a drink on an empty stomach (big mistake - I hadn't eaten in like 7 hours). I had to go to bed and sleep it off - luckily i was home - and i learned my lesson. I was shocked - I have never had that kind of thing happen to me before.

I'm right in your boat Patriotsfan. I had been doing really well but really messed up this wknd. Went to a birthday party and another get together and ate everything I shouldn't. The only thing I stayed away from was alcohol. I'm back to my French vanilla protein shake this morning.

Your stomach is just another muscle that is susceptible to swelling just like the rest of your body. Think about the lapband as if it were a ring around your finger? If your body(finger) swells due to TOM, sodium, alcohol, carbs(complex and simple), stress and anxiety, so can the gastric lining of your stomach. This can be the perfect time of year for most all of the swelling reasons previously mentioned. The lining of your stomach can swell making the stoma a very small opening for solids to pass through.

The first week in April is always cause for celebration as I celebrate my birthday! This year, I celebrate a little lighter than last year. Last year, 300 lbs was the number that I stepped on the scale to find along with turning 40. Wasn't real happy with that but figured, I could lose the weight if I wanted to. As the months went by, I wasn't gaining or losing....at least not pounds. I was losing though. I was losing my sense of self. Last August, while attending a funeral service, I sat down on a folding chair during a very quiet and sober moment, and BLAM!!! The chair collapsed right under me. It scared the whole room who thought there were spirits in the room! No. Just an obese lady who was so embarrassed and crying inside. This all happened in front of my 9 year old son too. To reward my embarrassment, I went to Friendly's after that ceremony and drowned my sorrows in a Reese's Pieces 5 scoop sundae which by the way is over 1,000 calories. I promised myself with the last lick of the spoon that "tomorrow, I will begin to lose weight so this never happens again." I actually went to my doctor to get a Lap band Surgeon’s name in August so I could get some control of my world. With the referral in my hand, I was ready. Now here comes October. How much weight have I lost since that embarrassing day in August you may ask? Zero. Did I go to the doctor with the referral? No. Life is busy. I didn’t have time as the school year began and time went by quickly. While attending a Halloween gathering, I sit down on chair that has arm rests. It is a squeeze but I can do it and I certainly don’t want to sit on the white folding chairs! As I sit there, laughing along to conversations and getting ready to grab a plate to eat, CRACK!!! BANG!!! The right armrest on chair I am sitting in is now on the floor. I am MORTIFIED!!! My son, being 9, states in a matter of fact tone, “Again!? That’s the 2nd chair you broke!” I felt like the world stopped, the pumpkins turned, and the ghosts and goblins turned red with embarrassment for me. I didn’t know what to say, where to go, or how to feel. I left the house as quickly as I could. I walked up the street, out of sight from anyone who could see, and cried so hard and with such heartache in my soul wishing I could just be like a ghost and disappear. My husband found me. Didn’t say a word for a while and tried to coax me back into the house as dinner was being served. Dinner? Really? Food? Never again, I thought! I am not touching it! And I didn’t for the rest of the evening. Despite my stomach growling like crazy, I didn’t touch a thing. I just wanted to go home, but I knew I couldn’t as the Halloween activities were just getting underway. Where was that Ghost costume for me to put on so I could vanish was all I kept thinking. As I returned to the dreadful sight of the broken chair, I was comforted with comments like “they are old chairs” and “that has happened before.” Perhaps, but it happened to me. The 300 lb mom. Not the 140 lb mom over there. Or the toddler who is jumping off of it. Come Christmas time 2012 and now it’s time for the family photos to be sent out to family and friends. Needless to say, I hated all of the pictures I took as my face looked like the Kool-Aid man! BIG! I can only crop a photo so much before I have literally cropped my face in ½! I ended up using a photo that wasn’t flattering at all and just thought, deal with it and mailed out the holiday cards. January 1, 2013, my insurance changes and along with that is coverage for Lap Band surgery. New year! New Opportunities! I got an updated referral, went to the doctor on January 11, and decided this was it! Just get it done and make changes! I did what I had to do with lab work and pre-surgery evaluations. I received a surgery date of March 4, 2013. In February about 2 weeks before surgery, my family and I went on our Family trip to Florida and naturally went to DisneyWorld. As I stood in line for Space Mountain, I had that horrible pit feeling in my stomach as I watched people get into the seats, pull their lap bar towards them, and smile with delight for the ride. Those were the “thin” people. What about me? Am I going to fit? When I sit down, will the lap bar pull towards me? Will the ride controls say to me in front of others, “I am sorry, ma’am, but you can’t ride this attraction.” Will I be able to get out of the seat? Will I get stuck and someone will have to pull me out? Such horrible things think about as you go back and forth through the line waiting your turn. I had one little thought in my head that gave me hope: This will be the LAST time you will ever have to worry about this again as you have surgery in 2 weeks! Still, I was worried about the here and now. I couldn’t imagine embarrassing my son for a 3rd time, nor could I imagine what he would say although he apologized a thousand times over the October candidness. I did fit in the ride at Space Mountain (Thank you Walt Disney!) and went 5 times after that which made me feel “normal.” So March 4, 2013 arrives, surgery is successful, and a month later, I am down 23 pounds. This birthday, there was no chocolate cake or mom’s homemade lasagna or alcoholic drinks to raise my glass to another year. Instead, it was a Tilapia fish dinner and one Milano chocolate cookie. Mom gave me a gift card to buy new clothes as my pants look quite “dumpy” right now. No one except my immediate family knew I had surgery so the three comments this past week from co-workers such as “Are you losing weight?”, “You are looking good”, and “Keep up the good work” couldn’t have been wrapped up into a better birthday box. I have a long way to go. 130 lbs still to be exact but it will happen as this past year was turning point for me. I read recently “Do something your future self with thank you for.” I just know that when my next birthday rolls around in 2014, I will reread this blog and smile knowing that I took care of my future me. No more broken chairs, no more worries of fitting in rides, and no more “I will diet tomorrow.” Today is the day. Every day I am dieting and eating healthier. There are no breaks with a Lap Band. It is a commitment to a better me and I have to make it happen………To Future self: We got this girl! :wub:

All addicts do it for the pleasure it gives them. Gambling, smoking, eating, drugs alcohol etc.

I really need advice, I'm being sleeved on May 21st and I'm a singer in a hard working rock covers band. When we gig I'm normally on stage for around 2.5 hours belting out pretty heavy rock and punk covers. I need to know when I can safely resume this job after surgery? My surgeon told me to take 4 weeks off afterwards but someone from another forum implied that would not be long enough. I realise that unless you sing, this will be hard to quantify but to help, it's a bit like going to the gym for a medium workout (cross trainer / bike / rower) for about 2 hours (but with alcohol ) So realistically for those who've been sleeved, when do you think I will safely be able to resume my gigging schedule as I was only going to cancel 4 weeks worth of gigs? I have a band that rely on me to get paid so there is quite a bit of pressure on me to resume my normal life pretty quick but I don't know if I'll have the energy from what I've been reading? Thanks if you can help me out?

Wow....I'm so sorry to hear about your brother Laura. This scares me because I have a brother who is an alcoholic. Actually his drug of choice is robitussin. He's been on that and alcohol for years. Since high school I believe. He's had numerous DUIs and accidents. He's been in rehab many times. I can totally relate when you say how critical your brother was while in recovery as mine becomes the same way. He starts something and becomes obsessed, things like smoking or chewing tobacco etc. I worry for him all the time, were pretty close and he is my only sibling. I'm like you in that this surgery is my last resort and I have to make it work. I let myself get to 427lbs and I never want to be there again! I try to stay positive and realistic also. I don't want to throw in another thing in place of food to be addicted to. I just want to be normal! I don't know what else to say except that what you shared touched me. Addiction scares me because I can see what it does to loved ones. I only hope and pray that this works for me and I can finally find peace within myself.

I just want to say upon reading the new posts this morning. That i really appreciate everyone's thoughtful responses... I'm finding this thread to be very eye opening in many ways, Not just because we have different views on why we personally over eat. but because it has really made me think more deeply this week about my own battle.. Today at this moment I feel a bit stronger than I have all week. I had now idea when I started this thread that it would impact me in this way... It was made out of curiosity about differences! So addiction... It is a scary thing and for me it is an addiction. This passage from the post I made above, is me; Their obsession is demonstrated in that they spend excessive amounts of time and thought devoted to food, and secretly plan or fantasize about eating alone. Addiction runs in my family.. My mother has been an alcoholic my entire life, she was a single mom. She was all we had. My brother was an alcoholic and a functioning drug addict he held a high powered job and was a much respected person in his industry. But he was a drug addict... He was just as addicted to his AA program and exercise when he quit.. and that is what scared me it was the same all consuming obsession but put into something healthy. But I found it fanatical. When he fell of the wagon it was gradual with "well when I entertain clients I'm ok to have a social drink" "I can handle a little now" Then he would fall... The last time he went back to AA it was with a vengeance and it worked for him. Side note he was always very judgmental of me and others when he was working his program, I think it was because he was desperately holding on to his recovery (program) for dear life. He fell of the wagon one last time five years ago, And killed himself with an overdose, the day after spending the day with his best friend (sponsor) training for a road biking event. I will never know if it was suicide or accidental. But it impacts me on a daily basis, in to many ways to explain here. He was my only sibling and I was his. we knew each others demons intimately... My mother quit drinking 4 years ago, she called last week and she fell of the wagon for the first time two weeks ago. She's back in her program now though.... When I write on this forum that this surgery is my last hope, it is! I operate daily coming from a place of thankfulness (for this surgery, my husband and children) but I also operate from a place of fear.. My name is Laura. I am a flawed human being.

I'm 5yrs out and I am brutally honest about this surgery. I am the type I'd rather you tell me like it is instead of sugar coating it. I've lied to myself almost my whole life with the "I don't eat that much.." excuse. I am where I am today because I did it to myself. The obesity I did myself and the surgery I did to myself. I accept my actions and trust me its a dark life when ur in a hospital and all u have is urself and ur thoughts. I do not intend to terrify ppl to have the surgery but I can say this I care enough for my fellow bari patients to tell yall the truth and what can happen. Bariatric surgery has became so mainstream now I fear a lot don't take this seriously hence why suicide, sex addictio. Or alcoholism rates are so high for us. The reason you will probably hear about my story in every post is bc I would have truly appreciated someone in my pre-op post-op days coming to me with the truth. Instead I felt dooped. Out of all the reading on forums etc not once were there a person openly honest about how it truly affected them. Do you know how hard it is to be deathly sick and you hear rude comments from nurses such as "bet ya wished u had just got a gym membership huh?!" Or to have your family just get tired of listening or you lose relationships bc of your condition? It really hurts to come to a site and literally pour your heart out only to be berated by somebody you look to for support. We may weave our story in all the time but we do so bc we know or HOPE fellow bari pt will listen and not mind to do so bc unlike everyone else we r all supposed to be on the same road. Accept us all no matter what bc haven't we lived a life of hell prior to surgery due to the constant degeading conments and stares...let this be the one place u can trust to come to and know ur not going to be hurt..we r all entitled to that. =)