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No carbonated drinks, no alcohol. Limit carbs pretty strictly.

It’s been 18 months since my surgery, and I am a work in progress. I recently posted about the decision to have the sleeve. See, “Down Over 140…The Decision: Fears and Tears” Now I want to write a bit about the emotional changes that I personally had to go through. Maybe some of this will ring true for you, too. As I contemplated this entry, I struggled with what to tell you, a complete stranger, about my process. Finally, I decided to be honest, so that you could know in your heart that if it’s possible for me to change, it is also possible for you. I still think about food all day, every day. I so wish I didn’t, but I have come to know that I am a food addict, and I have to treat it like an addiction. I grew up the oldest of 6 in a poor family. When I was 12, my dad left and my childhood instantly ended. Alcoholism, mental illness, chaos. That was to become my family life. At 18, my stepdad committed suicide. When I was 20 I was raped. When I was 21, I joined the Army. When I was 22, my brother committed suicide. When I was 28, my two-month old baby girl died. I struggled with anxiety attacks. I developed a life-altering auto-immune disease. There were good things, too. Love. My other beautiful daughter. My sister—who was my best friend, my soul mate, my rock--we went through everything together. Getting my college degree over a period of 20 years! Getting promoted. Writing. Photography. My home. Friends. But always, there was food…my constant companion. It never failed to nicely anesthetize me. One night, just before my surgery, I was watching a weight loss show where they were talking about how you MUST deal with the issues from your past if you are going to succeed. I don’t know why this struck such a chord this time, but I really began to think about the girl I used to be and all the fear I still carried inside me. It hit me like a tidal wave! I cried for the girl whose childhood abruptly ended at the age of 12. I cried for all that had been done to me. I cried because I had been so powerless. But then I realized with real clarity that I am no longer that powerless child! I had succeeded at everything I had truly worked for! I had a great job, and would never be dependent on anyone financially again! I had even learned to be assertive. That night, I spoke to that little girl inside me. I made a promise to her. I told her that she would never be a victim again. That she was no longer powerless. That I was going to take care of her forever. But could I do it without food? One of the best things I did for myself was to line up an appointment with a therapist for one month after my surgery. Although that person did not work out and I ultimately found a therapist who specializes in addiction, it was such a comfort to me to have a support system in place. I haven’t gone to her more than a few times, but she is an anchor for me, and I know she’s there. As I said in my previous post, my beloved sister died in my arms on December 28th. I had postponed having my knee replaced to take care of her, and I foolishly thought I’d be doing well enough by the end of February to get through it ok. Well, I wasn’t. March was one of the bleakest months of my entire life between the physical pain, drugs, bad weather, isolation, and grief. So how did I get through it? How else? I ate. Ice cream. Candy. Cookies. Let me tell you right now, you can put down a lot of calories every day in 100-calorie increments. That is why you need to know beyond a doubt that what they say is true: They operate on your stomach, not your brain. So I spent March crying and eating. And then one day, as I was sobbing to my husband about my out-of-control eating, I wailed, “The worst part is, I’m letting myself down!” “I’m letting myself down.” I could not back away from this statement. I called my therapist to discuss the grief/eating cycle. She let me off the hook, saying, “Sometimes you just have to be in survival mode.” I got off the phone and thought about that a lot and realized even though I had been given permission to eat badly, eating badly no longer felt like my authentic self. For the first time, I knew that I had truly changed. The old me believed that self care meant whatever felt good. The new me knows that self care can never equate to self destruction. The next day, all the junk food left the house. I’m still sad. But I am empowered. I am not a victim, even of myself. If you've hung in there through this long post I hope you'll leave me feedback and share your own story. In posting this, I sort of feel like I'm running down the street naked! Soon, I plan to post on some of the logistical things I've found to work for me since my surgery. More practical! Less emotional!!

Kate you are my hero. Congratulations!! Before committing to this surgery, I was a daily drinker. A relaxing cocktail after work was just part of my routine. I had to come to terms with letting go of that lifestyle. I am feeling much better for it, not to mention a little richer:) Also, my mother is a recovering alcoholic 29 years sober. Keep putting you first, one day at a time!

Jaime, Sorry if it bugged you, but a big difficulty of addictive behaviour is being honest with ourselves. Whether it's food or alcohol and food (in my case) addicts tend to torture themselves and put themselves in unpleasant situations for other peoples pleasures. Everything I said to you applies to me. I've had the surgery, I've had to let family know, I've had to explain why I do and don't do things. You're right, I don't know your in-laws. All I know is you're scared to death of them. I think that's the problem, because you're willing to knock yourself out cooking dinner and then try to hide your surgery by eating a Thanksgiving dinner in front of them. Just curious, why do you want to wait until the results show before telling them? Are you afraid the lapband surgery won't be successful? There's tons of folks here who'll hold your hand and tell you to submit to other people's demands, be timid, be afraid to confront a problem. I'm from the other school. Stand up, be honest and I think a lot of those projected future worries you have will go away. Cal

Well said Kat, its all about reaching the point where NOT doing it is scarier, until then you're not ready. And its hard to have someone else suggest it to you when you've not considered it yourself. However, even pizza and McDonalds can fit into a healthy diet when you learn what reasonable portion size is and if you dont eat it every day. I have not eliminated one single food. Reading this board frightened the sh*t out of me because of all the high Protein diets everyone does, and all the shakes! I dont think that's a healthy diet and I dont want to eat that way, so much so that I decided not to have surgery. Till I joined an Australian board and realised that that was not the only way to work a lapband. I dont do ANY of that stuff. I dont have shakes, I dont measure, count calories or fat or protein. I eat whatever I want but I've learned to eat small quantities and not eat all day. My diet is more *normal* than it was before I was banded. I occasionally eat take away food, I occasionally have a piece of cake, I drink small amounts of alcohol quite regularly and bread, cereals and Pasta are regular items in my diet. Its really not hard or weird or different. Its how you should be eating anyway, for the sake of your health.

So the alcohol and fatty meats aren't a great thing if you've got a fatty liver, but, more than likely you didn't cause enough damage/increase in those 2 occasions to cause any real issues with surgery. Most certainly stick to your liquids for the next 3 days and I'm sure things will be just fine. Just remember, afterwards for the best outcome, you should try to find other, non-food/alcohol methods for stress relief. Just stay focused, You got this!

I also a brother who is an alcoholic and my poor mother has been throught he** with him. She has been to al-anon and says it is wonderful. She says they taught her to love the person, but hate the disease.They also teach you that you cannot change the person's actions, only your REACTIONS.I believe going to meetings will give you the help and support you need. **hugs** and best of luck to you.

Alcoholism is such a difficult thing to deal with. As well as divorcing an alcoholic, my brother drank terribly for many years. He has now been sober for close to 10 years. We still seem to walk on eggshells around him, like he will start drinking again if we do or say the wrong thing. When that is their life style it is VERY hard, there are so many fears, and angers festering inside. Have you ever attended Al Anon meetings? They were of great help to my Mom. Her biggest fears were that my brother would feel we abandoned him, or that he would drink himself to death, or have an accident and die, and she would have been mad and not speaking to him...so she always tried to talk to him. She got great support and guidance from the Al Anon group---plus a lot of people who understood the emotions she was going through. It was full of people who knew she was not a failure as a Mother, who understood how she could love and hate him all in the same breath. Please look into it, if just to have someone to relate to. I understand some of the fear, but to have the fears with your brother is nothing like it would be with your child---I cannot even imagine. Just know you are NOT alone. Hopefully as she gains momentum behind her with this push for sobriety she will begin to see you full of the love you have for her. Hang in there, and try to get some help for YOU as you deal with her---it will help her in turn. I am sorry I have no words of wisdom, I just wanted you to know someone was out here listening, and feeling full of compassion for you. I am going to say a prayer for you and your family tonight, and hope you all can find a way to work through this together!! Good Luck on your fill tomorrow, it really wasn't a big deal at all!!! The needle is a simple poke---same as any other shot or blood draw, nothing to panic over!!! (((hugs))) Kat

I, like most of you, have been over weight my whole life. I battled with weight right next to a thin younger sister. She is now a stuck, materialistic kind of person who doesn’t care about other people. To tell you the truth, I hate being fat and hated the years I had to grow up fat but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I not been. I feel I have confidence in my personality, my brain, and my work ethic. I strive so hard to be what people wish they could be or just be someone people want to be around. This could have something to do with having a father who was a productive alcoholic. He liked to work more than he liked being with his family. At a younger age, I prided myself off the fact that no one hated me. This, I feel, has caused me a lot of emotional and mental damage. I know I did things out of lack of self worth and as ashamed as I am to say it, lack of self respect. I mean I slept with people so they would like me more. I have matured since than, so I can see the errors in my ways. I just find it’s difficult for people to understand why I did it. All I can say was I wanted people to like me, I wanted to be that girl and if I gave people what they wanted, I thought I would be. You know it turns out life isn't that way. AAHH! I just blamed so many things on being fat. I mean I had girls be so mean to me in middle school who said they were my friends and had been for previous years. A girl who said she was my best friend dared her neighbor to see how far he could get with me. He did, but I was innocent than. He had me backed in a corner... I'm sure you can imagine the rest. My own friends. How sick. I never thought what crazy people. I thought wow something must be wrong with me. Honestly even today, telling that story out loud brings me to tears. I lived with my Grandparents at the age of 7 while my parents were building the house they live in today. My Grandpa was a heavy machinery mechanic so he worked nights. He taught me to read and watched me everyday after school. He was like my father since my real one was never home. We eventually moved out and had been over at their house visiting. My cousins were there and my mom said we had to go home. I threw a baby fit and went to sit in the car. My Grandpa was standing outside and lipped Olive juice to me (cause it looks like I love you). I just gave him a dirty look because I was so mad and than we left. My grandpa died that Friday; Father’s day weekend. I have never felt so guilty about anything in my life. My Grandpa’s death has haunted me since the day he died. Even typing this right now is making me sick to my stomach. Since I had been so confident to go to middle school, and the girls were so mean, I was dreading high school. I started smoking pot over the summer. I just had such a big fear of saying something wrong that I wanted to make sure I could have an excuse. Saying oh because I was high gave me the illusion of being cool. I started getting into heavier drugs and hanging out with people who only wanted to take advantage of me. I let them. Knowingly. I just wanted so bad to be a part of a group, I was dumb. Eventually I transferred schools and started living better and made real friends. One day I had missed the bus and my mom was really mad that she had to take me to school. We had been talking about a family friend of ours that my mom had always kept on a Pedi stool even though she’s stupid as shit. She had always compared my sister and me to her and her brother. My mom than started talking about me losing weight and here are her exact words, “I just don’t think you are the kind of girl that guys look at.” Today I know my mom didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I just felt like mentally I had grown up a lot and no longer had a surface hate for myself, had good grades and was off drugs. It just felt like it was never enough. It was never going to be enough. Let’s just say my high school cycle repeated itself with the self hate and the drugs. Today, my mom is so proud of me. My whole family is. My mom had called me one day and said you need to take a new picture because when you call I see one of this fat girl. I know it was supposed to be a compliment but it hurt. I felt like if I ever gained the weight back she wouldn’t love me as much. I mean I know it’s because she wants me to be all I can but my mind just won’t take it that way. I know I still have self hate in my body. It’s deep in there but I can feel it. When I have time to think, I don’t have very happy thoughts. After losing 90 pounds I should but just don’t. I go in for a screening for counseling on September 3rd but have nothing in the meantime. I have a guy who’s like my brother to confide in, but he has been away for the past year and doesn’t have much time to talk. Oh and I do have a boyfriend but don’t tell him anything about this because he takes it personally. Stupid I know but he’s been here since before I had the surgery and is now more insecure now that I am thin. I just wish I didn’t care about what other people think.

underage drinking is bad ..y0our parents will be upset and alcohol has lots of calories...bad bad bad but do go out and hang with friends and have a great time....

Find a good support system. I couldn't have ever given up my own drug and alcohol addictions without my wife's strong influence. That also means not hiding your issue. That is exactly what your addiction wants you to do, hide it. That way no one can say "HEY STOP" because they don't know. Talk to people about it, tell everyone that you know is a safe and supportive person about your problem and enlist them to help you with it. This is a very real fight and you team an army not just yourself. Good luck it can be fixed.

Good Morning! Im in for the challenge!! Name, real or screen~Michelle Age~35 Weight on January 31st~198 Goal Weight for February 28th~188 Exercise Goal for February~To exercise atleast 4 times a week and stick with it!!! Dietary Goal for February~Less carbs Personal Goal for February~Less alcohol Date Banded~2.22.10 Total Weight Loss Since Banding~ 40lbs

I start my pre-op on the 26th. I haven't seen the menu yet. I hope I can still drink beer. Stopping alcohol will be harder then food I think.

Like people keep saying ... this surgery is not on your head. We all have problems we deal with. Now that you don't have food to fall back on, you are focusing on something else. Now is the time to get some help to work thru why you have turned to alcohol. Sure, everyone here can offer advice, but what you need to do is put in the work and go get the help you need. I pray that you look for and find help. Get to the root of the problem.

I'm 3 weeks out..have lost so far 11 lbs..I noticed in my arms and face a lil..I know I'm not yet losing as fast as I want.. but God willing im heading towards my goal weight..180.. I'm happy everyone here decided to go along with surgery. .I don't feel so left out... what I think I will miss out on is my get togethers..margaritas! !.. does anyone drink alcohol after surgery? ? If so how much can you drink? Does it burn?

Definitely talk to an addiction counselor. I delayed my surgery for 10 months because less than 2 weeks before first scheduling, I had people begging me not to go thru with it. A relative of a close family friend was in the hospital dying of liver failure because she had cross addicted to alcohol because she could no longer eat to deal with her problems. She died at 32 years old leaving 3 kids behind. Obesity is an addiction just as serious as any other. If you don't deal with the problems that caused you to gain weight, you can transfer it very easily. Please, please don't wait to get some professional help. We don't want you to die.

This is the best thing you will ever do for yourself, and you won't regret it. Do everything your dr. tells you to, and take advantage of the opportunity to truly change your way of life. Don't go back to old habits of eating unhealthy food. You will lose hair, but it passes and you won't be bald, though it will feel like you are losing an insane amount of hair. You won't ever feel hungry the same way again, and there is no reason to be an alcoholic. Start working on those triggers that make you turn to food now, and find new ways to cope. Some people will comment on your loss, and some won't. I just told people I changed the priorities in my life, limit my food portions and exercise more: all true. I occasionally tell people I had surgery, especially if they are struggling with weight, just because I don't want to lead them on, but it really isn't an issue. My health is improved beyond expectations, I have a ton of energy, shopping is a delight, and although my husband has always been a true friend and partner, our relationship is like new after 25 years of marriage. You are doing a good thing for yourself, this is exciting! Good luck.

Autumn, I agree with you. I have lost weight in the past, however gained it back due to behavior and emotion. I think the Band is only a tool, that will hopefully provide me with the awareness to deal with the real issues. I know I have to change choices of food etc. However, for some even surgery can not change their ability to change, but we all know how hard this is. I am praying that the surgery provides me with the finality of the decision. It is like an alcoholic who loses their job, family, home, etc and still drinks. You wonder what their cut off point is, what has to happen. It is the same with eating. For some it is more difficult to fight the desease. I also think this doctor is capitalizing to make money on these woman! Sad, Janine

If you need sleep aid, see your doctor for a prescription and don't rely upon Benedryl for long term use. Commonly prescribed drugs are Trazadone and Lunesta. I've been using Lunesta for over 10 years and have never required an increased dosage. I sleep for eight hours and wake up refreshed. It's better than anything else I've tried. Ambien is often a GP's first choice, but IMHO it is a nasty drug. After one try I will never use it again. It puts one to sleep but may not keep one asleep. It may leave a hung-over effect. People have been known to sleep-walk and sleep-eat and have no memory of it afterwards. One must go to bed immediately upon taking it and must NEVER mix it with alcohol or operate equipment or vehicles.

I'm very open about having WLS, and don't hesitate to share my story. I think dispelling the myths and the shame that surrounds surgery can't help but allow others to seek help. Not everyone feels they can share but since I can I feel it's my responsibility to help spread the message. It's gratifying how open and supportive people can be when I tell them, and it makes me more determined than ever to keep the weight off. Obesity is seen as a self-control problem and so much shame has been attached, it makes me angry since the food industry is very much part of the problem. Conditioned hypereating is a social issue not a personal one and every bit as damaging as alcoholism. No one can heal alone. We all need help to move forward to happy healthier lives. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I had a glass after 2 months, which was the minimum my surgeon's office said to wait. They encouraged no alcohol until after 6 months, but it wasn't harped on. I made myself a goal before surgery (because I too very much enjoy wine!) that I could have a glass when I lost 50lbs. I probably have 2 glasses a week now, my tolerance levels are waaaaay lower and I'm not complaining.

Let me start off by saying I'm totally against hard and fast rules, and nevers and can'ts. Everyone has to find what works for them. If you can manage the calories into your diet and still lose, then good for you. But I'm swearing off alcohol while I'm in my weight loss stage. At 3 week post op I went on a business trip that was a very social, cocktails and dinner every night event, and then stayed the weekend with a friend and did the lay by the pool thing. I had a beer or cocktail each day, rarely finishing it. I was more active than I had been since surgery. I got my protein in, tracked calories, and averaged 700/day for the week (including the alcohol). I got home, jumped on the scale, anticipating a big loss. Nope, up two pounds! So that did it for me. Also, your tastes may change post surgery. I was a big social drinker. I never drink alone at home, but put me out at a bar, I really like to have a drink, or two, or ten. But since surgery, I don't have that desire. I'm fine being out w friends, coworkers, clients and having water while everyone else is drinking, don't feel any need to join at all. The week I did drink, it wasn't out of desire, it was out of habit and not trying to attract any more attention than necessary to my changed diet and eating habits. So you may not even want that wine after surgery. Or if you do, your desire to lose weight might outweigh it.

Thanks Sandi for the words of encouragement. I am right there with Poodles. Trying very, very hard to adhere to the pre-op diet and have made a few slips. I am scheduled to be banded on the 31st, 6 days away and I to am worried about postponement. My starting weight is 235 and I hope my liver will not be bothersome. I will be totally DEVASTATED if after all this time, dr. appoints., money, stress, and worry if I will not be banded. I also do not find comfort in those who say "you can do it for your life" or "make the sacrifice for the two weeks". To me, to be on a total liquid diet over the Holidays is like putting an alcoholic in a liquor store and asking him not to touch. If my will power to turn away food was strong, I wouldn't be 85 pounds overweight in the first place. I think to be on the pre-op diet over the holidays is the worse possible, imaginable time and I don't wish it on anyone. Believe me, I tried everything short of begging to change my surgery date to no avail.

Staples take 4-6 weeks to heal. Until then you should be on a restricted diet of puree foods. If you eat solid foods within this timeframe, you risk "pushing" a staple out of place, which will eventually cause leakage Also, no fruit or acid products, bc it deteriorate the stsples before it heals. Same with alcohol.

I am 4 years banded. I am down 102 lbs. I started at over 385, lost 20 before surgery and now weigh 283. My goal is somewhere below 240. My BMI now is only obese, not morbid obese. After surgery I went from 365 to 290 then back to 353. This year, I committed to following the rules and lost 70 lbs. My secret, eat real food. I usually start my day with Unjury protein shake with a banana in it and Chocolate Silk soy milk. Lunch is usually what my wife makes. Salads, meat and cheese, sometimes leftovers. We do Water Zumba at the gym. Dinner is meat, vegetables, salad, sometimes potatoes or bread. All made from the outside aisles of the grocery store. Way off the carbs. Way off the sweets. When we eat out (we travel a lot) we ALWAYS split everything. Never order 2 entrees. Little soda, never diet soda. Alcohol is allowed. This is how normal people live. I now feel normal. I spent the last 6 weeks in Hawaii, Atlanta and Florida and most days in swimsuits. This is how normal people live. Really, while I still want to loose 40 or so pounds, I feel normal. It has taken 56 years, but I am Happy!