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I don't really know what to tell you about getting the fat person out of your head, but I do know what you mean. In the past three weeks I've put five pounds back on and I feel HORRIBLE. It's literally the first time in the two years since I've been banded that I've gained weight. I need a fill, for sure. I can eat bread (which I've never been able to do before no matter where my restriction level has been), which is not good. Anyway. Once you get used to your body being a certain place, it feels bad when it goes back (especially when you know how that weight gain felt before). I get that on a 225 pound girl like myself, 5 pounds isn't a ton. But it sure feels like it. I hate getting dressed for work because everything feels tight again. Dig in and get yourself back where you want to be. The whole weight loss thing takes longer as you get smaller. So that 15 pounds is just about the same as dropping 90 when you were bigger. Good luck and don't lose hope!

Well I had major side effects I gained 100lbs in 9 months with Depo that is what started my weight gain for me and I have never been able to loose more that 50-60lbs since. I am praying that with lapband I will get below 200 agian! The other problem is that my Blood pressure shot out of control and since depo have not been able to use any other birth conrol because my BP shoots up. I had been on BC for 5 years before depo an never had a problem. I think people on Depo should really read the research and see all the problems it has caused for many people!

Dawn: It's funny how you and I were sleeved nearly the same day, and go through so many similar things at the same time. I'm about 9 days into a stall where I fluctuate losing and gaining the same pound. I weigh myself daily, religiously, at the same time. I disagree with not weighing daily. I wrestled in college, and if I didn't weigh daily, I would have never made weight. My weight-gains always coincided with a lack of wanting to see the proof on the scale. The scale provides accountability. I think its more how you react to the information, then the fact that you gather the information. About the stall, I feel great too, and I've STILL (sadly) have not started a regular work out routine. And I must admit that this week I had a LOT of work, so it was more hours with my butt in the chair, than other weeks where I've been traveling, having to walk a lot in the field, etc. So perhaps behavior (i.e. diet and [lack of] exercise) have something to do with the stall, but alternatively, it might be a bit of our bodies playing catchup. I know that relative to 3 weeks ago, I'm thinner, because I can only wear a pair of 35 inch pants that were a bit tight just 3 weeks ago. So, I have to cut myself some slack. At the same time, I'm about 25 pounds from being somewhere where I'd be comfortable stopping and maintaining. So, let's hope that we break out of this rut soon. I'm starting a gym tomorrow, so we'll see if that helps! Matt

Hi there.... we share a banding birthday and my experience is very similar to yours. I also have had 4 fills and the restriction is ever so slight but mostly not enough. I also eat far more that the recommended palm size/half a cup. I followed a thread on this site called 'starting over' and those ladies have been so humble, so helpful and so honest about how tough it really is for a lot of us bandsters. They have lost loads of weight, gained weight but still are winning - suggest you read their posts. Most of them had the banding done over 2 years ago. I haven't lost more than a kilo since December so was feeling totally discouraged and wanting to give up. They have inspired me and i'm feeling more positive and ready to try another fill.... always dread them as I arrive feeling guilty! I'm going to book for my next fill in the new week so will be holding thumbs for both of us. :thumbup:

Thanks so much Diane - I so enjoyed reading your post and how honest and open you were. I related on all sorts of levels and your child picture hit a cord for me too.... so right! Sometimes I;ve felt like just ripping the thing out and saying 'I'm over this!!!" The hard thing is I have a dear friend who had this done a year ago and seemed to cruise through it losing most of her weight in 9 months. Seeing her success helped me make my decision but our journeys couldn't have been more different. Also she was afraid of putting me off so never shared any of her struggles. I had a totally over optimistic outlook despite masses of research on the web prior to the decision. It never really prepared me for the uncertainty, bewilderment, confusion and utter frustration of not feeling what my friend told me to feel for.... She kept on saying 'Listen to your body and it will tell you when to stop" :sigh: - my body is mostly silent = the rebellious pizza incident of last week. My attempt and seeing if anything would happen ... still waiting. Only thing that happened was a weight gain. Haven't done that again though as I'm aware of band erosion and slippage. Do you have support groups there and if so did you use them and did they help?.... Bunny / Des

Weight gain is normal after most any operation from the bloating and fluids. I had an out-patient band procedure, and upon returning home I was 12lbs heavier than when I left. It's been a week and I'm "technically" down two pounds from my pre-surgery weight. I know I still have plenty of Fluid left to lose before things balance out.

Ok, I just read something.... I am Day 11 pre-op diet and yes I am loosing weight. I read that some people gain weight from the actual Lap Band at time of surgery. It seems to be significant. I am wondering if this mainly extra "gas" weight or bloating from surgery and/or the band. Does anyone know something about post-op weight. I know we shouldn't jump on the scale right away. I am just curious as to what to expect.

Like many of you, I haven't checked in in a while myself. So HI again everyone! Congratulations to those who are doing soo great! Thats really awesome! keep it up! Those who are struggling, don't give up! It may be slow, but at least you are not gaining! Think about if you did not have the band, would you have lost any weight, gained any or stayed the same. I know I would have gained more. Personally, I am down 29 lbs. Of course it could be better but I am certainly not complaining. Its 29 lbs less then I would have been if I didn't get banded! Im finally seeing a difference too, in the mirror and in my cloths. And other people are noticing now too. It seems like up to 25 lbs, no one noticed, but now people are commenting. 29 down, 35 more to go! Oh and yeah... its been a with a lot of work to lose just this amount. Im not at full restriction either. I think I have 3 or 4 or 10cc. I go back to the doctor, after 2 months, on March 22. So I will request another fill and that should work better. And yes, exercise is included! But I do admit, I am not perfect, I do eat junk food sometimes, thats why I know I can't blame anything but myself and just be satisfied with what I allow for myself. Keep it up people! Don't give up! WE ARE WORTH IT!!

Okay, now I have some questions and some concerns. I know very little about weight watchers. You mentioned being on a new programm that is carb based. Already that seems like a problem. I am not a carb hater and there are people on this forum who would faint at the idea of having yoghurt for Breakfast like I do. If WW is truely carb based then it needs to go. I find it odd that it is however; unless you are confusing their theory that veggies are almost a non food and are'nt considered calories at all (I'm simplifying I know) with being carb based. You mentioned having frozen diet meals. Again, not intrinsicly bad but yes they are high in carbs usually potato, Pasta, rice. You must focus on 3-4 Oz of Protein and then eat have say 3/4 cup of veggies. You mentioned meat being trigger for weight gain for you. Meat is not a intrinsically bad either (not looking to discuss the ethics of eating meat). 3 oz of grilled chicken no skin is a world away from boneless Buffalo chicken wings (fried, and the sauce's main ingredient is butter). It also sounds like you need to stop the 100 pack stuff. It's called the halo effect "It's only 100 calories so I can have dessert", or "It's 100 calories so I can have 2". If you have 1 a day for 35 days and don't burn off those calories it's still a 1 pound gain.

Well I was banded Dec 16th and my weight loss was gong fine until my 2nd fill I have lost nothing! Well okay 2lbs in 3 weeks. But it seems like nohing! I had lost 36lbs up to that point! My Physician Assistant warned me this would happen and that weight gain could happen to but dang is it hard to deal with! I get so aggravated because it has slowed and non I am fighting the good old demons to stay strong and not slip into old habits! And not getting full really sucks!!! Glad to see others in the same boat! I hope by may we are all out of this.....

I can say that the removal of my ravenous hunger, and ability to gorge myself with copious amounts of food and beverages has been the key to my success. However, this is a reply to another topic I posted a couple of days ago. This pretty much sums up my experience, and my mindset on long term success with VSG. I have been maintaining my weight loss VERY EFFORTLESSLY at the age of 34 for almost a year. I have a 5lb bounce around on the scale any given week. I can tie it to my indulgences of high sodium foods, and my "girls nights out" with copious amounts of alcohol. I do not ever get in any formal exercise and have NOT for a solid year. I've had spurts here and there of working out at home for a week to 10 days, but nothing consistent at all. I honestly I do eat anything and everything I want. Here's the kicker, I don't want to eat a lot of junk food. Why? Because my body runs best, I feel best physically when I feed my body a nutrient dense, Protein full diet, BUT I eat Cookies, chips, pretzels, rice, bread, Pasta all in moderation. Of course, about 85% of the time, I eat protein first, but sometimes all I want is some veggies. I do not count anything other than protein and calories now. I keep white carbs in moderation to some degree, but if I want mashed potatoes and gravy, guess what 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes and a little gravy didn't make me FAT, 4 cups of mashed potatoes with gravy on top of a 12oz ribeye with mac-n-cheese, 3 dinner rolls, and 3 glasses of sweet ice tea made me fat. Moderation is the key. I will add that I have zero metabolic issues, nor is my body sensitive to carbs. I do not get the "eat a carb, crave a carb" nor am I an emotional eater. Therefore, going into this, I feel I beat the curve quite a bit. I was a volume eater. The sleeve will work just like any other weight loss surgery works. RNY and DS can be considered failures as well. Not one single weight loss surgery is bullet proof. So, a tool working long term is only as successful as the person using the tool. Just like a hammer to a nail. You can choose to keep your eyes open, steady your arm, and aim with precision as you go to drive that nail in with just a couple of dings, or you can wield that hammer blindfolded, with a swagger in your swing, and you'll more than likely miss the nail, hit your finger or dent the wood. Make sense? ? ? I will add that I am eating the same amounts currently that I was eating a year ago, but that quantity is double what I could at 2-3 months. The sleeve matures over time. There is minimal stretching. When I say double amounts, I was able to eat 2oz dense protein at 2-3 months out, today I can get in about 4-5oz of dense protein with a couple bites of veggies. You can cheat any of the surgeries, and the sleeve can be eaten around. I know the tricks, I employ them on occasion. Drinking warm fluids or having a glass of wine with my meal relaxes my stomach, therefore I can fit a bit more in, a bit more = 1-2 ounces of mashed potatoes, or mac-n-cheese on top of my chicken. To this day, I can NOT eat an entire chicken breast without stretching my meal out over 40 minutes. I can barely eat 1.5-2 poached eggs. What I'm saying is that there is a max capacity to the sleeve, but the restriction you have the first 6 months will change, ENJOY that time, maximize your weight loss, and become diligent with changing your lifestyle. Any weight loss surgery success is defined by either compliancy or complacency and with some mechanical failures on the other surgery types you can find that a specific tool "didn't work properly". It's a choice you make. No one else, the surgery doesn't fail UNLESS it's not performed properly because there is nothing mechanical to fail with the sleeve like there is with the band or RNY. The other issues can be metabolic issues, or carb sensitivity, or some people lose differently. Stoma and pouches stretch, malabsorption of calories, fats and carbs stop after the adaptation process occurs in the intestines, and then RNY patients are having to rely on restriction only with a stretchy pouch, a blind stomach left behind making ghrelin at a higher level vs. Sleeve patients. With the band, the list of issues with it are long, detailed, but the reasons the band can and does fail are numerous. Pouch stretching, not being able to get a decent fill, then there's the physical issues with the band itself. I can go on and on. But, I know plenty of VSG'ers that are 2-4 years out (mainly on obesityhelp.com) that share my opinion on weight regain with VSG, their experiences are pretty similar to mine. There are several out there maintaining fairly effortlessly as well, and live a life of moderation. I've seen 20-40lb weight regain on a couple of patients that are 3-4 years out, and every time, they admit, I quit eating the proper foods, life happened and I turned to my old friend for comfort, or they just gave up and expected to eat ding dongs and hos hos without consequence. Most naturally thin women I know don't eat packages of hos hos on a regular basis. Most naturally thin women do watch what they eat, and do not shovel shitpots of craptastic food into their body without consequence. At least none of my naturally thin friends can eat like I did pre-op and not see weight gain.

April 11th with Dr Almanza. I'll start my preop diet on March 30th just because I want to give my body the BEST possible chance for a great surgery and recovery. I am also looking forward to the "clean' feeling you get from high Protein liquid diets. I've been on the lose weight gain weight diets pills fads extremes roller coaster for 16 years and I'm ready to cross the bridge to FREEDOM!!! I wish you the very best and look forward to hearing your results!! Christal

I was banded on April 7, 2008 -- almost three years ago -- and went from around 250+ pounds to around 190. That in itself isn't exactly an entirely successful weight loss story, largely because I've never quite learned to eat slowly as I should, nor have I been able to keep away from sweets entirely (although lately I've been better). In the past several year or so, my weight has creeped up to around 201. I haven't been back to see my surgeon in more than a year and a half; I've been too ashamed, and frankly am afraid I will be a disappointment to her. I now have a visit scheduled for next week -- along with an esophogram, for which I am also long overdue. The reason I finally called for an appointment and esophogram is that I'm afraid my band may have slipped. Although it doesn't happen every night, some nights I cough constantly, spitting up Fluid onto my pillow. Other nights, I seem to "foam" constantly, requiring that I run to the bathroom to spit. Other nights -- like last night -- I've had no problem whatsoever. I was given a gift -- a new start that so many people would give anything to have -- and didn't make full use of it as I should have. If it turns out the band hasn't slipped, can I still lose weight if I try, even at this stage of the game (three years later)? If it has, does it have to be removed? Even though I have not lost all the weight I had intended, I can't say that I'm entirely unhappy; after all, I'm still considerably thinner than I was three years ago, even with the recent weight gain (which seems to have leveled off). I feel like such a failure, because I am.

I can answer these questions with my experience. I just passed the 21 months out point. I'll be completely brutally honest with you and anyone that asks me. I have been maintaining my weight loss VERY EFFORTLESSLY at the age of 34 for almost a year. I have a 5lb bounce around on the scale any given week. I can tie it to my indulgences of high sodium foods, and my "girls nights out" with copious amounts of alcohol. I do not ever get in any formal exercise and have NOT for a solid year. I've had spurts here and there of working out at home for a week to 10 days, but nothing consistent at all. I honestly I do eat anything and everything I want. Here's the kicker, I don't want to eat a lot of junk food. Why? Because my body runs best, I feel best physically when I feed my body a nutrient dense, Protein full diet, BUT I eat Cookies, chips, pretzels, rice, bread, Pasta all in moderation. Of course, about 85% of the time, I eat protein first, but sometimes all I want is some veggies. I do not count anything other than protein and calories now. I keep white carbs in moderation to some degree, but if I want mashed potatoes and gravy, guess what 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes and a little gravy didn't make me FAT, 4 cups of mashed potatoes with gravy on top of a 12oz ribeye with mac-n-cheese, 3 dinner rolls, and 3 glasses of sweet ice tea made me fat. Moderation is the key. I will add that I have zero metabolic issues, nor is my body sensitive to carbs. I do not get the "eat a carb, crave a carb" nor am I an emotional eater. Therefore, going into this, I feel I beat the curve quite a bit. I was a volume eater. The sleeve will work just like any other weight loss surgery works. RNY and DS can be considered failures as well. Not one single weight loss surgery is bullet proof. So, a tool working long term is only as successful as the person using the tool. Just like a hammer to a nail. You can choose to keep your eyes open, steady your arm, and aim with precision as you go to drive that nail in with just a couple of dings, or you can wield that hammer blindfolded, with a swagger in your swing, and you'll more than likely miss the nail, hit your finger or dent the wood. Make sense? ? ? I will add that I am eating the same amounts currently that I was eating a year ago, but that quantity is double what I could at 2-3 months. The sleeve matures over time. There is minimal stretching. When I say double amounts, I was able to eat 2oz dense protein at 2-3 months out, today I can get in about 4-5oz of dense protein with a couple bites of veggies. You can cheat any of the surgeries, and the sleeve can be eaten around. I know the tricks, I employ them on occasion. Drinking warm fluids or having a glass of wine with my meal relaxes my stomach, therefore I can fit a bit more in, a bit more = 1-2 ounces of mashed potatoes, or mac-n-cheese on top of my chicken. To this day, I can NOT eat an entire chicken breast without stretching my meal out over 40 minutes. I can barely eat 1.5-2 poached eggs. What I'm saying is that there is a max capacity to the sleeve, but the restriction you have the first 6 months will change, ENJOY that time, maximize your weight loss, and become diligent with changing your lifestyle. Any weight loss surgery success is defined by either compliancy or complacency and with some mechanical failures on the other surgery types you can find that a specific tool "didn't work properly". It's a choice you make. No one else, the surgery doesn't fail UNLESS it's not performed properly because there is nothing mechanical to fail with the sleeve like there is with the band or RNY. The other issues can be metabolic issues, or carb sensitivity, or some people lose differently. Stoma and pouches stretch, malabsorption of calories, fats and carbs stop after the adaptation process occurs in the intestines, and then RNY patients are having to rely on restriction only with a stretchy pouch, a blind stomach left behind making ghrelin at a higher level vs. Sleeve patients. With the band, the list of issues with it are long, detailed, but the reasons the band can and does fail are numerous. Pouch stretching, not being able to get a decent fill, then there's the physical issues with the band itself. I can go on and on. But, I know plenty of VSG'ers that are 2-4 years out (mainly on obesityhelp.com) that share my opinion on weight regain with VSG, their experiences are pretty similar to mine. There are several out there maintaining fairly effortlessly as well, and live a life of moderation. I've seen 20-40lb weight regain on a couple of patients that are 3-4 years out, and every time, they admit, I quit eating the proper foods, life happened and I turned to my old friend for comfort, or they just gave up and expected to eat ding dongs and hos hos without consequence. Most naturally thin women I know don't eat packages of hos hos on a regular basis. Most naturally thin women do watch what they eat, and do not shovel shitpots of craptastic food into their body without consequence. At least none of my naturally thin friends can eat like I did pre-op and not see weight gain. If you have any other specific questions, please feel free to contact me. I'm extremely open and honest.

I was once 575 lbs as the name states, my wife too had a problem with the surgery and many others did as I was able to lose 200 lbs on my own presurgery but what they didn't know that I did was I could easily gain back all that weight plus some without a surgical intervention. I had lost 115 lbs in 2007 only to gain it back plus 50... before that I had lost 80, 85, 60, etc etc etc... Now that I have gone through the surgery she couldn't be happier, she still thinks I could have done without the surgery but I know the surgery was the cement I needed to keep the weight off. Now down 317 lbs in less then 2 years I couldn't be happier, without the surgery I wouldn't be as healthy at some point my yoyo would've snapped me back into a weight gaining binge. The surgery breaks the yoyo, I can still gain weight if I eat wrong but can not gain it nearly as fast and i've learned enough new GOOD habits during the process never to get anywhere close to where I was before. Ask a simple question.... How many 50, 60, 70 year olds weighing as much as you do you see walking around happy and healthy... I knew for me my weight was a death sentence and i'm so glad that over 300 lbs of me is gone!!!

Thank you- and everyone who posted here. Yes, I had back surgery also in 2004- which started my bigger weight gain. I will have my shot on Thursday and I am determined that it work

Don't know what to say really. I had my band in November of 2007. I went from 400 pre-surgery to 272 at my lowest. Since Sx I have been in 3 different jobs in 2 different states. My wife and I have had 2 more children... moved 4 times... I am still below 300... currently sitting at about 290. I blame my 15-20 pound weight gain on the 6 months my family lived with my parents. I was laid off and had to move back across the country to Texas to survive the situation. I then found out that I could "stomach" beer again. Hmmmmm lots of empty calories i guess. I have been off the beer for a month now and low-and-behold... i think I have lost a few pounds! I am somewhat annoyed with my band. I have NO insurance and have been experiencing a lot of "first bite syndrome" I am beginning to think I am either too full or my band has slipped. SUX. I miss the community I once had here on LBT. Seems as though most of the other Nov07 bandsters have drifted away as I did. Thanks for the email and piquing my curiosity to return to the site.

I could stand to be involved again. I had surgery in 2007. Doing well but need to knock off some weight gain that I put on in the last year. I've had a crazy work-stress year. How is everyone?

When I was your age, I was a labor-delivery nurse. I was only 150lbs.{6ft tall}. I think the profession contributed to the weight gain! I discovered on this forum,that many lapbanders are nurses & teachers! Something in our "make-up", too busy taking care of others, often neglecting our own needs.

Thank you for your comments...I also had my fill on February 28, 2011 and was VERY disappointed with this weight gain, I'm hoping it only has to do with a bowel movement, what can I drink to help with my bowel. Does it really take 2 weeks for the fill to kick in?

Good morning everyone, I am VERY upset at myself, I had a fill on February 28, 2011 I believe I am at 5cc in a 10cc band. This morning I weighed myself and gained 3 pounds!!! YES 3 pounds how is that possible. I am so MAD at myself, can this really happen?

I am a Physician Assistant with over 12 years of experience in internal medicine and gastric band management . I am a certified provider in band management and have done thousands of fills. I believe in the band because I have seen, first hand, how well it works.....if the patient has been taught how to use it!!! Too often, the patient is rushed in and out of the office for a fill and the provider doesn't address what the patient is doing right or wrong. The weight log does not tell the whole story, far from it. Unfortunately, most providers put far too much "weight" in the weight log. For instance, the patient comes in for a 2 week follow up and has lost 3 lbs, great right? Not quite, If the provider doesn't ask the appropriate questions he/she may not know that the patient is too tight and vomiting daily, surprisingly, many patients won't offer this info up to the provider because they are losing weight. The provider MUST spend time withe the patient to determine if the band is too tight or is the patient making mistakes that cause vomiting. This vomiting is risky for band patients because it may cause a slip or erode the mucosa of the esophogus as well as many other potential problems. Believe it or not, there are plenty of "band bulemics" out there and most aren't identified because the provider doesn't spend enough time with the patient. On the flip side, some patients come in with a weight gain, yet their band is very tight. This is actually a common dilema and again if the provider doesn't ask the right questions, the patient will end up getting a fill when in reality, they need a small defill. Most patients want their band as tight as possible because that equates to more weight loss, right? When the band is too tight, the patient knows that most foods will cause vomiting. Ironically, its the food that they shouldn't eat, that they end up eating, thus weight gain. In this patient, with a small defill, the vomiting will resolve and their weight will drop. I am available to answer any questions this community has via this forum or email at jvmed@me.com.

I have the hardest time making blog posts. So bear with me. I am undecided about having this surgery. On the one hand, this is a MAJOR surgery. It means cutting away a big part of one of my major organs and altering everything I do. Not only the way I eat and drink, but my activity level, my hobbies (as in getting new ones that aren't eating related), my lifestyle as a whole. On the other hand it means everything will be perfect, right. My dad will finally love me, I'll finally get that promotion I've been wanting... Ha. Kidding. I know those things won't happen just from losing weight. My dad will always be an asshole. I know I can look forward to more energy, more confidence, being able to do my job with less pain, no more size or weight restrictions on the things I want to do. Those things. Being able to fit on rides, for example; the potential for my back and feet not to hurt at work, to be able to play with my nephew who's on the way, or even play with my own kids if I ever have them; to be able to sit on the floor and not be in pain, then to be able to get up after without a surface to help me up and a bit of straining... I think that would be worth it. But the thought of major surgery is still effin (normally I would swear, but I don't know about that on here) scary. I know losing weight won't make my dad love me, my sister accept my lifestyle (she's religious, I'm not), get me the promotion I'm hoping for (hopefully I'll get it within the next few weeks anyway), magically make me better at my job so I can make the big bucks (gotta take classes and a different workplace for that). Even though I know weight loss won't cause these things to magically happen, I still hope from time to time. I do however, feel that losing weight will open opportunities that are either closed or that I think are closed to me. For example, becoming more confident will allow me to feel able to get another job. I know this process won't be easy. Drinking 64 oz (I'm good on 32) of water a day, only eating 2 oz of mostly protein per meal. Timing when I can drink, taking vitamins, all this stuff is not easy. Not being able to drink coke ever again. Or those frozen caramel coffee drinks from Panera that I love so much. (I hate Starbucks and am not a coffee drinker except for my bimonthly frozen caramels). Or Thai Iced Tea. OMG, if you haven't had one, they are amazing. Very high in caffeine though. You have been warned. So the real question is... Can I live without these things? Probably. I can live without the can's of Thai iced tea form the Asian market down the street. The best ones are made an hour away from me anyway at the best Thai place in the bay area; so lack of access helps. Coke? Well, I haven't had a more than a couple sips in at least a week if not longer. The entire month of August 2010 was soda free for me except for 3 Icees which my bf says count as sodas, but I say they don't. Sweet coffee drinks? Yes. I don't like coffee to begin with unless it's in sweet blended high calorie form. I do have a free frozen caramel at Panera from being a card member, so I'll have that, but I've been very good about not going crazy. Slurpees? My Slurpee and Icee consumption has gone down considerably. I don't get the Icees from the corner store anymore because they taste bad to me. Like they're made with tap water (I don't like our tap water), or like they don't clean the nozzles daily like they should. (BTW, this is why soda at some gas station marts doesn't taste good. They're supposed to clean the nozzles daily. BF worked at a gas station for a little while.) Sweet things? I am convinced that the occasional sweet thing won't hurt my weight loss. (I'm fat because I eat too much, not because I eat nothing but sweets. But they don't help things, obviously.) Sobe? Oh I love those. But I also don't have them very often. Maybe 3x a month. More if I'm on a kick, less if I'm not. Milk? I don't care what they say, I'm going to drink milk if I want to drink milk. I don't drink it every day. Soft serve? Most likely. There have been so many times I've wanted it lately but not gotten it and the cravings have been less and less and easier and easier to deal with. I don't want to never eat soft serve again in my life. I just want to get to the point where I can have a little bit, be satisfied, and move on with my life. I feel like I'm jabbering on and on. I have noticed that my tastes have changed a little. I can't finish a whole can of coke anymore. As I said, Icee's taste bad to me now, or at least the ones at the corner store do. The last slurpee I had was a little underwhelming. I haven't mentioned alcohol. I don't drink. My biggest fear right now, besides not wanting to die from surgery, is that I won't be able to eat anymore. What I mean, is really eat. Eat large portions of food. Eat whatever I want. Being satisfied that I've eaten too much, but it was so good. Isn't that the whole point of having surgery? To not be able to eat crap? YES. But this just seems scary to me. Like, oh no, what will I do now. And that's what I mean by needing to get new hobbies. Which brings me to exercise. You know, I actually used to like going to the gym. It's like, even though I know things, they don't compute in my brain now. Somewhere between beauty school, my first bf, and my current bf, I had lost like 50 to 70 pounds (IDK my highest weight back then, so this is my best guess based on what pant size I wore). I lost weight because of my DDR obsession, then I lost more weight from being dumped, then I met my current bf and put the weight back on and then some. And so did he. If you don't know what DDR is, you don't know what you're missing. Wait, you mean being good at DDR doesn't make you cool? Aw *frownie face*. DDR is Dance Dance Revolution. If you still don't know what it is, Google it. Being good at DDR is like this secret fantasy of mine. I feel like being good at DDR is so cool and make me cool. Not in real life, but I will be so cool in my own head. And that makes me happy. I used to be so much better at it than I am now. I could do a couple standard songs. I haven't played in a while, but the last time I did it was like, "I used to be able to do this." The first guy I ever dated introduced me to DDR. For about 2 years after that I became obsessed. There's this website that has DDR machine locations and I would go to places just to play. I think that's why I lost weight. I didn't think of it as exercise. After my first bf (different guy) dumped me I became very anxious. I had a hard time eating, but I still managed to eat crap. But I think even though I was eating badly, I was eating less? Maybe. I can't remember. Anyway, me and my mom started going to the gym regularly. We'd go at night when there was hardly anyone there. I got my routine down to doing 40 minutes or 400 calories burned (according to the display) on the elliptical, whichever came first, but it ended up being about the same. Then I would do weights. Usually arms more than legs. I was up to 50lbs on most of the arm machines. Now I can barely do 20. I want to get back to that. I got down to about 209/215. A size 20 is skinny for me. When bf and I got together I stopped going to the gym, started eating badly, and now 7 years later I'm up about 64lbs. I ended up being a bad influence on him as well b/c he had just lost weight on weight watchers and was drinking diet soda, and I thought diet soda was gross so he switched to regular and ate badly along with me. I want to get back into going to the gym again. But it's just so hard. Somebody call the wambulance! I know the more I go the better it will get and it will get easier as I lose weight, but right now that isn't connecting in my head. Like right now we're training for Bay to Breakers. We're behind on training due to the rain and general laziness. I walk very slow. I mean 30 minute mile slow. Right now I can't imagine walking faster. Of course this will change if/when the weight comes off, but right now it feels hopeless. It's hard for me to imagine myself smaller. In the past I didn't feel any different when I lost weight. I just felt like me. My clothes would just magically expand or shrink. So I'm having a hard time seeing myself loosing weight. I mean, so far I've lost about... 7 or 8 lbs, but my clothing doesn't fit any different yet, so it hasn't sunk in that this effort of eating better is working. A couple nights ago I made tacos (I'm not the cook, he is, and this is one of the few things I make). I fixed 2 for myself and a ramekin of re-fried beans with cheese. I could only eat one taco and half the beans. I did put some effort toward eating more beans and seriously considered trying to eat my other taco but I knew I couldn't. I literally could not have stuffed it down if I wanted to. And then something clicked. This is what you're supposed to do. You eat, you get full, you stop. Like some magical realization. Like, this is how it's going to be. This is how it works. Since then I've been making an honest effort to follow plan and write down what I eat. I have gone off plan a few times, and over eaten about 3 times, but I feel different about it now. I am having a problem though. When I follow plan I feel empty inside. Like I know I'm full but I still feel empty. I thought it was a physical emptiness, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was an emotional emptiness. And I've been having this weird pain in my chest/throat. I think it may be heartburn. It's like an uncomfortable feeling. Heartburn is the only way I can think to describe it. Oh, the water. So the plan I'm following calls for 64oz of water/fluid to be drunk per day. This includes crystal light, decaf teas, dunno if non fat milk counts (we drink whole in this house). 64 ounces is just too much for me. I'm good on 32 to maybe 50ish. 2 to 3 water bottles. When I try to drink all 64, and I'm rarely able to drink that much, I feel like I'm peeing all the time. And I'll wake up and have to pee anywhere from 2 to 5 times in the night. So for me personally, 64oz is too much. Plus my sister in law once told me that her doctor told her that she should not be drinking that much because some people don't need that much. I'm not saying that I know more than a doctor does, I'm saying I know certain aspects of my body better because it's me. Besides the fact that my job doesn't allow me to drink that much. I love what I do. I like where I do it, I have great coworkers, but it's becoming time to move on. As stated in my profile, I am a hair stylist. I have been at my current salon almost 6.5 years. I work in a select service salon. I know I am bordering on becoming stuck there. I want to move on and branch out to full service, or maybe even makeup and/or nails. I know I have more potential, I just haven't harnessed it yet. And part of that is I feel my weight is holding me back. I have 3 herniated disks in my back (not weight caused, but the weight isn't helping), so doing shampoos and bending isn't something I would be able to do on a regular basis. So I'm really hoping that I can lose the weight, gain confidence, and then move on. And in losing weight I hope to gain strength in my back and over all so I will be able to work. I actually found out about the surgery from a former coworker who got it done (she had r&y), lost weight, then moved on. I'd like to be able to do that as well. I'm almost 28. Ideally I want to be pregnant with our first child by 30. So I kinda feel like if I'm going to do this, I need to do it now and stop dragging my feet. I don't want to be fat and pregnant. I have this fear that if I were to get pregnant now (among a whole slew of other issues) that people wouldn't be able to tell and they'd just think I'm fat. Another fear is that what if I got pregnant and didn't know and couldn't tell b/c I'm fat and then suddenly had a baby. How embarrassing would that be. I'd just die. I know this probably isn't very realistic, but who ever said fears were rational? I have major daddy issues, which I may or may not get into in another entry. Basically he made my life a living hell growing up. Very emotionally abusive. Needless to say, I don't want to tell him if I get it done. Believe me, I want a relationship with him so badly, I really wish I had a dad, but he's an unmediated bipolar; it's not happening. It makes me so sad. And it makes me mad that I still love him even though I hate him so much. And it hurts so much knowing losing the weight won't make him love me. ;_; I don't feel comfortable telling my sister. She's the good one, the favorite. I love her dearly, but we just don't have an open relationship and I am very afraid of being judged. Plus given the comments she makes about fat people, being fat is probably the worst thing a person can be, to her. I wouldn't be comfortable with my grandma knowing. My dad has fed her lies about me, she's never approved of my weight, telling my parents to do something about it instead of being a grandma. And she doesn't approve of my living situation (unmarried & living together; I think if it bothers her that much she should pay for my wedding). As far as work and clients go, the girls at work would know, and clients don't need to know anything other than I'm following a meal plan, making lifestyle chances, exercising, ect. It's none of their business anyway. My bf supports me whatever I do. Whether I don't lose another pound or I get surgery and lose 100+. At first he was against it, but I think he knows what it means to me, so he's supportive. I told my mom. That was hard. But she was ok. I know she's not a fan of the idea, but she wouldn't give me a straight answer why. My sister in law doesn't want me to die. She's actually the only one who said that I'm fine the way I am. Idk if my brother knows. Idk if my nephew knows, or if he'd have much of an opinion since he's 16. My in-laws: mom is against it because she knows 2 people who had it done, one is gaining the weight back and the other almost died. She feels that I should stay the same or lose weight non surgically. Haven't gotten an opinion from dad yet. (Yes, I do call my bfs parents mom and dad, just not to their faces.) I have one aunt and uncle who I can see being supportive. My cousins I'm iffy about. One of my best friends hasn't said any opinion either way (so I think she'd be supportive either way, we've been friends for over 20 years), and my other best friend seems against it. I know I need therapy or something when it comes to food and all the feelings I have associated with it and my family, but I don't know where to get it. I can't afford a private therapist, and Kaiser sucks in that department. Ok. So now that you think I'm crazy.... On to what I'm sure you're probably more interested in: Highest weight: 281 Kaiser's starting weight for me: 278 Current weight (as of last weigh in): 273 Goal weight: 255 I'm 5'5.5", pear shaped, so if you saw a head shot, you'd probably think I'm much smaller than I am. Assuming I do get surgery, it will be at Kaiser Richmond. Right now I'm in the process of re-enrolling in the program. I should get a call from Robin in 7 to 10 days from Friday. Not sure if those are business days or not. From there I'll have to take a class or two. Past that I assume the process resumes as it was before with reaching goal, appointments, tests, and then surgery... to simplify it. Even if I don't get surgery, I feel that this group is the right place for me to be right now as far as my weight loss goes. Back in 2008 I got like 3lbs from goal then I gained all the weight I lost back plus 3lbs (I think I just wasn't ready). I stopped going, then I decided to go again after talking to a client who had it done. Now I'm down about 5lbs from my starting weight, and 8lbs from my highest (starting over) weight. I need to loose 18 more pounds. My personal goal is to loose 23 more. Once I meet that, I will begin saving for and planning a trip to Disneyland (that will be the weight I was the last time I went so I'll know for sure that I'll be able to fit on the rides). At first I wanted the LapBand. It still sounds like the best choice for me, but with all my concerns, ultimately, I feel that the sleeve is a better choice. In group (the support group at Kaiser Richmond) they said that if you set a goal for when you want to have surgery, it helps you get to goal and a lot of people who did this have had their surgery near the date they picked. I would prefer to have it done in the Spring, maybe Summer (with my luck it'd be a 100+ degree summer =/ ). Just not Winter. I know myself; I won't want to get up and walk if it's cold outside. So I think May through September would be good. I don't want to get it done right before the holidays because I just don't see it ending well. Either way, my first holidays post op should be with my in-laws. I think Valentines Day would be a really cool day to have it, but when I really think about it, it's still too cold then. I feel like May is too soon, as in I doubt I'll be at goal and have all the other things taken care of by then, plus Idk if I'll be mentally ready by then. But I don't want to wait till next Spring either. My current goal is to reach my goal weight by summer. So basically that means before September. My work doesn't want me to take December off, but I'm so tempted to... assuming that it worked out that way. This has been a slow process for me. As far as the meal plan goes, I started cutting back on soda, for example. Then I was loosely following the meal plan. And now I have about 1 meal a day that's plan, and the others are plan-ish, but not dead on. I have to work up to it. I can't just jump right in. And that's ok. Because I want to be sure. I want to be sure I can do this.

Margarine is NOT made out of chemicals.Butter is full of saturated fat on one hand and full of vitamins A,B,K on the other.Margarine is made from seeds oils so it is full of polyunsaturated fats and omega3 and 6 but on the other hand it is full of trans fats.American Heart Association (AHA), National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute (NJLBI) and National Cholesterol Education Program (NCEP) prefer " trans free" margarine. But imho .. fat is fat.Period.When consumed in excess amount fats contribute to weight gain and heart disease.You should eat it but you have to wisely choose your fat (from fish,nuts,olive oil,etc etc) and not to overdo it.Everything in moderation (something i never did as a fat person )

Well, my birthday was 2/28/11 and let me tel ya, Of course I had to have some cake and ice-cream and whatever else. I can say I've gain 6lbs in a week (187). But I'm not going to let that discourage me. I'm back to my gain plan. I couldn't let that day go by without celebrating. I can reframe from cake from my children's and anybody else birthday except my own. That''s the day GOD brought me into this world. So my size 14's are tight but not to worry, I am definately working out it.... GOOD LUCK EVERYONE, I KNOW I CAN USE.