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To Tell or Not To Telll....That is The Question
TheRealSouthernBelle posted a topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Just a little background on me first. I got the band in Dec. 2010 and so far have lost 100 lbs. since my first consult. I told NO ONE about getting Lap Band except my boyfriend (who went to all my appointments and was there at the surgery) and the lady who I first talked to about it (she had it over 2 years). It has become noticeable that I have lost a ton of weight and I often get compliments and friends want weight loss advice. I was talking to one of my friends (we've been friends since elementary and her idea of over weight is the 160 she now weighs instead of the 120 she did in high school) on the phone and she was like you have lost a lot of weight, how much more do you planning on losing (as if I had already lost enough). I said well, my ultimate goal is 160 and she asked how far I was away from that (basically just a nice way to find out how much I weighed). So, I was like let me tell back up and tell you my whole story. Then she interrupted me (I was going to tell her about my lowest weight my freshman year in college and how I'm getting close to that) and said, "Oh Lord, don't tell me you had Lap Band"! I was taken aback and said, "No, I wasn't going to tell you that, I was going to tell you about my weight loss since freshman year in college" and she was like "Oh". And that moment I realized why I hadn't told anyone about MY surgery. It is just that, my surgery! I do not need anyone's negativity, sideways comments, or unsupportiveness. If you are contemplating on telling people or not, just think before you act. In my case it was best that I didn't! -
Angry at Unsupportive SO! Get a backbone women and men!
Pescador posted a topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
So many posts here, about unsupportive significant others. Just watched My 600 lb. life. Zsalynn is doing great. She went for weight training with a trainer. Her SO said if you want to break a sweat grab the vacuum cleaner. I wanted to go through the tv. She is trying so hard, and her young child (and his), yells why did you marry him mommy!? Zsalynn said because I wouldn't have you. I have made terrible choices in my life, I guess this is why it bothers me so. Sort of like the first husband of 20 years dropping me at the hospital to have two different surgeries. He is history but I still wonder why I settled for such crap. The first surgery was a kidney stone when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, and nearly died. Please, strong women, never ever let a man treat you like this.- 28 replies
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Congrats Ellen ! Glad everything went well and you're home. I was lucky enough not to have a roommate but I've had them before so I do feel your pain. So happy your hubby is being so supportive. This is hard to do alone or with unsupportive families.
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Messed up at New Years, paying the consequences
Brent701 replied to cajunredpanda's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
This is awful to read. I agree they are not just being unsupportive they are trying to sabatage. I prepared mentally for much worse than what I ever experienced. I never did have that "what have I done moment". I feel blessed for that. On the plus side you are 3 weeks out and everything is downhill from here. Without prying too much is your disability weight related? Just seeing the health benefits in the coming month your entire outlook on life is going to improve. -
Well, if you go by the actual description of this website: Not a support site, but rather a site for discussion. Or if you prefer the official app description: Again, not merely for support. So why am I here? For information. Whether it be gathering or disseminating. Now, as a Type 2 diabetic myself and someone who has insulin dependent family members who I have seen with glucose levels in the 600's, the very first question any doctor will ask is, "What are you eating?" It doesn't have to be because of sweets; simple cabs like bread, potatoes, and fruit can drive glucose levels into dangerous territory. Just because I don't come across all warm and fluffy doesn't mean I am being a jerk nor does it make me unsupportive. But you talking to someone that you have no direct interaction with in the way that you did makes you appear self righteous. If you don't like my posts, put me on ignore. It makes no difference to me.
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3 Days Post Op- So Painful
Kerrie-Ann replied to mizzlaw's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Oh no Mizzlaw! First of all, BREATH! Let me start by saying unsupportive husband = asshole!! Sorry but that's the truth. So now that we know your own you own, let's take a step back and reassess. I had my surgery whilst going through a divorce, thankfully my soon to be x husband is still my BFF!! As of right now, how are you? How is your pain level? Did you get some gas-x or gas relief at all?? Please feel free to PM me for a private conversation. You will get through this....just go slow and take one baby step at a time. Please message me and I'll help on any way I can. Ok. It's ok, you can do this, there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others, this was a new experience for every one of us. It's totally ok to feel out of sorts. -
Please I need no judgement or I told you so or anything that comes off as a micro-aggressive. Hello I’m Halle I’m 22 HW: 381 CW:358 GW: Healthy - Sleeved: June 15, 2020 TX I have depression, anxiety, 420 friendly, anime lover, etc wanna know not up here you can ask! I feel like I’m in crisis, for one I know that this is not a easy fix, takes times etc. I don’t need a lecture I just need someone to vent or ask questions. I have been doing ok at first but I’ve hit a painful stop the gas pains are debilitating and nausea has me throwing the towel I have a phobia of vomiting just pretty much a hypochondriac when it comes to health. I am on the full liquid diet but all forms of protein won’t settle and lactose feels like land mines as soon as they are in my stomach. My question is does it get better? Did you bend the rules and do what your gut says? My surgeon and nurses have been dismissive and lack of emotional it’s like as soon as they got paid I’m my own problem no access to immediate help, support or nothing. My family and friends had made it hard these first week by being unsupportive and insensitive but that’s another story. I would love to have some people to chat with and get real with. Thanks for reading and sorry for coming off rude but after reading a ton of post it’s been a headache.
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Hi All: Three nights in hospital, when I expected one or two. Lots of pain in stomach after swallowing. It is better now, and I am finally home! I am stressed out because work is being unsupportive, wondering why I didn't get this and that done before I left on leave. I am in the "what the hell have I done?" phase. Luanne Carlsbad, CA
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My husband used to be in the marine corp. and my weight was never a sore spot and he was in great shape. I think it is more your husband's personality then being a marine/navy guy. I would let him know how much you sacrificed your body to give him four beautiful children and it's just not that easy to always workout and lose weight, otherwise, the whole world would be thin. I'm sorry he is so unsupportive, maybe if you let him know you would be watching what you ate and working out but the band is a tool that would help you actually lose more and keep it off this time. Good luck, I hope he comes around, if not you still need to do what's best for you!
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So Depressed!! Family trying to prevent my banding!
jenncore replied to LynneB's topic in LAP-BAND Surgery Forums
Your post really touched me. I'm sorry that your family isn't supportive. I come from a very large family and have chosen not to tell any of them except for my twin sister who has been amazing. My husband and 12 year old son have also been incredible so I'm very fortunate. A few things came to mind while reading your post. I noticed that you're hoping to be banded by March 2008? So the good news it that you still have time. Are there any local colleges? You could check into having a college student (of course after you interview them) help out. You would have to pay but I bet you could get a really good deal. Check to see if the college has an early childhood ed. dept. I was banded on the 26th and stayed overnight. You can ask the surgeon what his/her policy is on that. My recovery was a little rough but not because of pain, mostly from being exhausted. It sounds like your children are old enough to be okay if you have to rest from time to time. Please don't let your unsupportive family get in your way, You deserve this and nothing should stop you! I hope I was helpful! You're in my thoughts and I wish you the very best! Jenn -
I'm unsupportive, but I want to be....
Nichole Edwards posted a topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
I'm at a total loss. I don't even know if I'm posting this to the right place, but I'm hoping some of you might be able to help. I've been researching non-stop for the last 3 days, I haven't eaten, and I have barely gotten any decent sleep. My fiancé wants to get the gastric sleeve WLS. I'm literally sick with worry about it. I don't do well with change at all and that's the main problem. My fiancé isn't hideously overweight but he is enough to qualify for this surgery. For a long time he pursued it with only rejection. So to be honest I never actually thought we would get the call from the VA saying they'd cover it, but we did. He just had his pre-op appointment where he met with the surgeon, and we are supposed to get a call tomorrow to schedule the surgery and another meeting with the doctor because he wants to see why I'm not on board with this surgery. I love my fiancé and I care about him very much, but No matter how hard I try, I can't get myself to cope with this. I'm scared he will change and I won't like the new him. A lot of this stems from a childhood trauma I had as well. I know once he gets prepped for surgery, rolled back, and even in recovery I will not be able to handle it. I'm going to be a total wreck. I don't want to see him in pain when there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to see him struggle to keep a cup of Soup down in the weeks to follow. I'm really at my wits end with this. He won't get the surgery if I'm not on board, which isn't fair to him, but at the same time I know I'm far from okay with it. We are literally at a stalemate, if he doesn't get it because I can't handle it then we are both unhappy because he's wanted this so long and I'd hate myself for ruining it for him and I know he'd resent me as well. But if he does get it then I'm afraid I won't be able to even bear to look at him, it'd be too painful to watch him be so vulnerable. I just can't do this. And I feel absolutely awful. If he does end up getting the surgery I'm convinced I won't see him as the happy healthy guy he'll be in a year, but I'll see him as the pained sedated patient lying in return hospital bed. -
Introducing myself. Two weeks till surgery.
wannaBthinsoon replied to Eli Alexander's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
morning! (It's 7:30am Sunday morning in KCK!!) as far as no support from the hubs...I was there. My hubs was NOT supportive at all.......until it gets closer to being a reality. He kept telling me..."just quit eating, and go to the gym". DUH!! As we all know, our issues are a little deeper than something as simple as that, and this tool can help us lengthen our lifespan, as well as improve our mobility. Some people just don't realize how difficult it can be to not be able to clip your own toenails, or tie your shoes, or (other things I won't bring up) Anyway........my hubs is now my BIGGEST cheerleader! He is researching recipes and trying them out (he recently retired, and has some time on is hands). He got rid of all the breads, white flour, sugary items. He is making plans for after my surgery. He's helping me find yummy Protein powders, he got me Popsicle molds so we can make protein Popsicles once I am home from surgery. He will be waiting for me everyday after work so we can go directly to the gym (or the park if the weather is nice) and walk or ride bikes. He did the research on his own once he determined I wasn't going to change my mind and quit. So, my advice to anyone who's significant other is unsupportive.......ignore them. Continue on your path to good health, and if they truly love you, they'll hop on your bandwagon. (Those are just my thoughts this early Sunday morning). Take care everyone. Sherrie -
How And When Did You...
Izuri replied to Queen In Me's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I'm 25 and told my immediate family and told them it was okay to tell people. My mom is very close with my grandmother, and my grandmother is a chatterbox. As soon as my mom told her, my entire family knew. Like one day after she told her, I was getting messages from my cousins about it. Everyone has been really supportive. I haven't heard/seen everyone in my extended family yet, but I have a feeling they will all be happy for me. The classmates I have told in school all seem really happy for me. I just told another one of them the other day and he said that he knew I had lost a lot but wasn't sure if he should say anything - but that he was really happy for me. That was nice to hear. The only person that hasn't seemed as supportive is one teacher. I hadn't originally planned on telling her, just wanted to make her aware that I am 7 weeks post op from a GI surgery and she asked what and I told her and it was hard to gauge her reaction since I don't really know her. Either way, now she knows in case of emergency, so whatever. Oh, now that I think about it one of my friends was very unsupportive pre-op. I told him that I was doing it for my health and I appreciated his input, but that I would still be going through with it. And post-op I can tell you for sure anyone who says it's the easy way out (I got that a couple times) has NO clue what it's like =p I think it's easier to let it get through the grapevine than tell everyone up front - that way they know and if it comes up it does and if not then it doesn't really matter. I'm glad I told people, because eventually they will notice anyway and this way I've already dealt with the question of how I lost it. If they don't like it or disagree, that's fine, -
Surgery postponed, new date July 12
TippyToesX replied to Krista143's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
Congratulations!! I just started my pre-op diet today!! I was in the same boat regarding second thoughts because of unsupportive people in my life. But, like you, I had to remind myself that this was for *me* and *my* future! Regarding the unflavored protein, I plan on adding it to unsweetened jello for non-alcoholic jello shots. I'm also going to be making bone broth this weekend, so I'll add some to that as well. Or store bought veggie organic broth? -
Surgery scheduled but family unsupportive need help
Heatherbordelon01311991 posted a topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Hello everyone! I have struggled with weight my entire life........well a girl I know got the sleeve about a month ago and she has seen so much progress......soooo I went visit a surgeon in my area.....I LOVE HIM!!!!!.......he feels that the sleeve is a good fit for me.......but I mentioned it to my family and they are so against it.......they fill my head with horror stories......like u will experience malnutrition, it will make you so sick, it ages you, your hair falls out, you throw up everyday, your bones get brittle and will break, and you will die! It scares me so much and I hate that they don't support me........my family is my everything .......I really need help! Should I get the surgery? Are all of these things true that my family is telling me about? I'm 23 healthy besides my weight but I am so sick and tired of being obesed .......please help -
Problem with health care costs in US
jenbaby75 replied to nprcowboy's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Thanks, that wasn't opinion, it's a fact. I personally know of a well respected pharm that was closed due largely in part to the effects of Obamacare, but good for you for defending it. I am not one to spew unsupported opinions. I also know several people who have to use Obamacare due to employers not offering insurance, and ALL of them (even the obama supporters) say it is crap insurance. Maybe it needs time to iron out the defects. Personally, I wouldn't purchase it, defects or no defects. I am blessed with amazing insurance. Healthcare cost is ridiculous in and of itself. -
Thank you both SO much for your responses. It helps me feel more settled about waiting to tell people. I can so relate to the " I have tried everything and if this fails ..." . I think there are so many of us who have failed repeatedly and even though there are tons of sucessed here I think I am going to be that ONE. I have a Mom who is very unsupportive in a supportive way. You know the type who sounds like she wants you to succeed but is really glad when you don't and can tell you so. I think I am going to be sticking around here where I get REAL support. THANKS A TON!!
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why such secrecy?
jukebox81782 replied to jukebox81782's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I guess I never stopped to think about those people out there with unsupportive (i.e. downright mean and terrible) family members. I've been fat since childhood, but I've NEVER had an issue w/an unsupportive family. I've also never had a hard time socializing and making friends since I entered junior high. The only aspect of my life that my weight caused issues for was my romantic life, and most of the time it was because I wouldn't accept male advances out of embarrassment. Wow...confession session...I guess the long story short is that my heart goes out to those who feel the need to go through this in secrecy because their family and friends and the people in their life suck!! On a funnier note, I was sure to make it VERY known at work because I work as a government contractor, and I didn't need my co-workers, boss, or customer thinking I'd developed a drug habit to lose weight...hAhA!! -
to tell or not to tell ????? yes or no
Calgarygirl replied to sel1944's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
So at 2:30 in the morning, while in Tijuana Im lying wide awake and all I can think of is how can I not tell my parents and sister. Im good wheather that take it or leave it as Im doing it for me. Its basically my mother who drives me nuts when it comes to food.... for years I have asked can we please do other stuff then eating all the time, and she agrees, but nothing ever changes.... so last week when she invited me to go for a buffet and insisted I cant say no because dad is paying.... so I say no, can we please just not do something that doesnt involve food (not to mention my surgery was less then a week away too lol,,,, and she said that sounds wonderful, lets go bowling or to a movie soon then.... but while I have been in Mexico my bf writes my mom to tell her he has a dvd for her computer so my mom says thanks and insists that we need to start coming over for supper more.... that was it!! lol she seriously just doesnt know when to stop.... I wasnt going to tell my parents or sister, but I figure why live a lie, this is something HUGE and exciting for me, and people who are unsupportive of it, I dont want in my life. So wow I wrote a big long letter, and now Im waiting to hear back, but honestly Im relieved and feel the stress off my shoulder, and I cant believe I just let it all out lol (it was liberating).... but this has been ever since Ive known the rollercoaster of ups and downs with weight and Im done being in the Obese category. My doctor was 100% behind me and supported me all the way which meant alot to me, Im just hoping my family is the same!! eeekkSsss!! lol I figure if I dont tell people I can possibly just put the weight back on by streching my stomach and lying just to aplease people, no more, this is my year, my new me, the skinny new me!!! I wish everyone lots of luck in their decisions in telling people, but why not just tell everyone, youre not doing it for them, youve made this decision with a lot of care, thought and ups and downs. It took me over a year to think about it and the last 6 months to really be serious about it,,,, and to be honest it has been the best present I have ever given myself and no one is going to burst my buttons lol -
Hi Jenny, Welcome! You sound like you have a great mind set and support system in place and that is priceless. I think some people's concern comes off as unsupportive and it is really just based on a lack of knowledge. Your grandparents love you and don't want anything to happen to you, which is understandable. Best of luck throughout your pre-op. I also took the time before surgery to prepare myself and I feel I went in knowing what I needed to and being as prepared as I could. I found the boards to be of the utmost help. So many wonderful people here. Nice to have you!!
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I had the same issue unsupportive friend my coworkers have been great. U_ r doing this to better ur self. I think once they see the change in u they will be happy
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You're getting good advice in this thread. In addition, you sound extremely well informed about the surgery, grounded in your expectations as well as attuned to your own body. Recipes for success in my mind. Dont tell your parents if you think that will cause an undue amount of stress for both you and them. You're still a few months out from surgery, so you can reevaluate this strategy at various points in your journey. My advice to you at this early pre-operative stage would be to focus on your own needs. I posed the same question to this board when I was pre-op and it was recommended to me that I re-evaluate telling my parent (who I knew would freak out and be unsupportive) once I had a surgery date. Ultimately I chose not to tell and I'm pleased with that decision. I'm 10 months post op now. My chosen field (journalism) is also intellectually demanding with longgggg hours, many spent sitting and writing. But it's also personally fulfilling, I know I'm serving the greater good and not many people are cut out for performing the job at the level I've attained. What's amazing is that I made it as far as I did while morbidly obese, which I fully know was holding me back. Not only do employers inherently trust and respect me more now that I'm thinner (not saying this is right, it isn't) but I simply have more intellectual and physical energy since regaining my health. It feels like my synapses are properly firing for the first time in years. I honestly think I had fat brain in retrospect, that sometimes my thoughts were sluggish. That said, I also have experience with depression. There were times pre-op when I would cry everyday. I struggled to get out of bed and go to work in the morning. As a psychologist yourself, I don't have to tell you the importance of discussing this with your physician. What I can say is that for me the increased energy and activity levels have helped improve my mental health across the board. I went through some really difficult personal stuff over the last few months, unrelated to surgery, and the newfound mental acuity combined with therapy and medication helped keep me from slipping into a deeper state of sadness. I honestly felt better equipped to handle life's obstacles and the reason for that, I think, is the confidence that comes from knowing I have taken charge of my health in a way most people never do in heir lifetime.
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What are your "getting back on track" basics?
*Lexie* replied to jordantaylor's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Those unsupportive people will come around. The good news is, it's much easier to get back on track now. Not like you can go eat a whole pizza or anything. Go back to the list of foods your doctor gave you to eat at this stage along with the frequency in which they told you to eat. I believe you can eat out at this stage with a little planning. Most places have Soup. One yummy item I would have was Taco Bell pinto's and cheese with a scoop of ground beef. That was 2 or 3 meals for me but it tasted like Taco Bell goodness and it was high in Protein. For me, I'm trying to teach myself that I'm no longer "on a diet" or "off a diet". I'm changing the way I eat. And the way I eat now is structured meals, protein first, healthy 90% of the time. But I do allow for the occasional treat. That's part of life, not realistic to think you'll never go out and order something at a restaurant that you love. -
How SAD is this?
bellabloom replied to magicalwoman's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
"We are so appauled when girls are anorexic or bulimic, yet instead of encouraging good eating, healthy eating and good exercise, we still promote the STUPID BMI which turns us into twigs." The part that bothered me was this: equating being a twig with being anorexic or bulimic. And I just HAVE To disagree with you. The BMI, at the higher ranges for ones height, does not twig status make! At 145 for my height, I would not be a twig!! Far from it. I would, on the other hand, be healthy. I think the BMI serves it purpose of giving people a goal for health. It's been backed up by medical science and while there are exceptions (rare) we as weight loss patients got into this for our health and should abide by our doctors orders and strive to be within a healthy weight range, looks aside. Now, I'm not trying to be mean or unsupportive. I hear your feelings on the subject and I respect your wanting to look fuller figured than the BMI range would allow. Ultimately of course it's your decision for yourself. I don't think you were trying to be offensive- but I hope you can see how your tone in the post could hurt little twig me. "In our world today we put way too much emphasis on being a size and not enough on being a happy person." I just find this to be a difficult statement for this forum. After all, we are all here because we let our weight get out of control and that stole some if not all of our happiness! Most of us could not live healthy, happy, full lives with our weight out of hand. Being within a healthy weight range is part of achieving more happiness through our health. So yes- being a size matters. A healthy size! Within a range our doctors recommend. -
Anyone have a husband who is nonsupportive?
steph_co replied to munchkin392's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I'm sorry, but alcoholism is nothing like being obese. Yes, food can be an addiction, but like you said - you HAVE to eat to survive. You could go your whole life and never have a drink and be just fine. The biggest thing I heard from my surgeon at the patient seminar that really pushed me in the direction of getting the band was that something like 98% of people over a certain weight that try diet and exercise will gain the weight back and then some. One thing I've noticed about A LOT of people that are unsupportive about this kind of thing is that they are actually afraid. Afraid of whatever their biggest problem may be with it. For some, it might be that their spouse could die or get sick from the procedure. He might be afraid that you'll change...like maybe you won't love him as much once you get skinny. He might be afraid if he has heard all the stats on divorce rates amongst patients after bariatric surgery. Has he done any research on the procedure himself? Have him watch one of the live procedures in the FAQ section on here. Show him some of the literature. If necessary, have him talk to your surgeon's office with any questions he might have. He might just be embarrassed to admit he's afraid. If it's the other stuff, then maybe spend more time with him. Plan a date night. Write him a letter letting him know how much you love him (like maybe a list of the reasons you fell in love with him). Seriously - people are unsupportive because they're afraid. I wouldn't say that he's doing it because he doesn't care - it's probably because he DOES care, he just doesn't understand some part of the equation. I hope things can get worked out.
