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You look great congratulations! And girl, be glad the unsupportive partner is gone! Time for a whole new life and getting out to meet new people! Just means that person was not the one for you....????

The ASMBS put out a position statement in 2011 that there are no Level 1 studies or evidence based reports that documented any benefit or need for a 3-18 month insurance mandated preoperative dietary weight loss program before bariatric surgery. Insurance mandated preoperative weight loss was found to be unsupported by any medical evidence and therefore inappropriate, counterproductive and potentially harmful as it resulted in unnecessary delay and interference with potentially life-saving treatment.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice! I'm trying to distance my self a little bit from her until after my surgery. This is hard because I am an only child and my husband and I only live 3 miles away. My only problem is who do I bring to my pre-surgery support seminar next week? I was planning on bringing my mom, but since she has been so unsupportive I don't think that's a good idea. My husband just might have to take a day off work!

Hiiiii everyone :thumbup:.... soooo, I told my husband 10 days ago that I wanted to have LAP-BAND® surgery in Mexico...he said NO WAY...so...I took my savings (it's ok, I'm the breadwinner around here), and went ALONE...was banded 5 days ago. I'm only about 40-50 pounds overweight so I'm sure nobody will question my weight loss...besides my unsupportive husband, only my BFF knows, and she's far far away...I am pretty isolated and have so many fears and concerns, so I thought I would reach out to you all...since I've been reading this board all day obsessively. 1. Please don't tell me you feel sorry for me that I can't tell anyone...I don't feel that way, I could tell people and I'm sure I would find some support but I have chosen to keep this to myself. My family members are all total health nuts and would disapprove and I really don't feel like being subjected to their judgement. 2. I've been really good about clear liquids, juices, broth...all week and I am starting to go crazy and crave real food again...did anyone else feel this way and did anyone CHEAT? Cuz I just ate a nacho and a bite of a cookie...I KNOW...BAD...somebody keep me on track! 3. The gas and shoulder pain are starting to go away, but I have no energy and I am really just wanting to take a nap. ??? Does this get better? 4. I can REALLY feel my port, it's still pretty swollen and bruised in that area, but I'm afraid it will stick out...doctor told me post surgery that it would...yikes! I didn't know that...I'm into surfing so that's really going to BLOW if it hurts to paddle out on my board :eek: Is there anyone out there who surfs?? :tt1: I mean :tt2: :smile2: I really hope I didn't make a big mistake. 5. I AM HUNGRY!!!! Ok, that's all for now...please write back!!! Storm PS- Due to the SECRET nature of my little escapade across the border, I probably won't be posting any pics but by private email if I happen to make some friends.

I'm saddened to hear that unsupportive communication is going on anywhere in this forum. I haven't been part of it but I'm sure that it happens from time to time. I've been a member of countless numbers of online communities over the last 15 years or so and I've seen all sorts of behavior. I agree that sometimes it can get really mean and cruel. Personally I've only encountered positive warmth here at this forum, but italianlady13 gives us a good reminder that there's a human behind every screen name here, and we're all struggling with our own weight loss challenges.

His insecurities are louding his judgement. Simply say to him " When you are ready to express your insecurities in a healthy and mature fashion then i will be will to sit and listen". he is having a tantrum and you are not his mother, You are his wife and his job as your husband is to protect you and comfort you. Say this "As my husband, I know that you want to protect me and be my support from the evils and pains of this world but did you ever consider that the person that hurts me the most is in fact the person that wants to protect me the most" That should make him think before he puts his foot in his mouth again. if that doesnt work then you just explain to him that the decision has been made and if he wants to play the role of the unsupportive husband then you will find a group in your area that will be your security. Im here for you.

You do have to do what you feel is best for you. I tell everyone and anyone I see, that I know of course. If you have negative comments, you know where they go, in 1 ear and out the other. I usually care about what people say, but it is easier to tell then not. If you have never had a weight issue, or eating disorder, then you have no idea, so if you have negative things to say, then who cares. So far not 1 person has been negative or unsupportive.

So I'm 4 months post sleeve surgery and down 40lbs. My unsupportive husband decided he wasn't in love with me and we are in the process of divorcing. The divorce was no surprise. Unfortunately he didn't want the marriage or work for it like I tried. Anyway I'm looking forward to dating later this year and meeting new people. I'm 30 yo. But food and alcohol are often part of the dating process. Luckily I never was much of a drinker. I can only imagine going out and eating 4 bites and being full. How do you deal with this? What about the scars? When do you tell your sleeve story? I'm excited but scared of dating. Any advice from fellow sleevers is appreciated.

Well something to consider, There is the huge amount of support that is available on this site.. The op herself came here and started a thread about her personal life and tragedies and how people in her personal life were tired of it and unsupportive.. I, along with a LOT of others took the time to write thoughtful responses and a continuing dialogue with her. At some point the op decided to start posting combative type posts. Not sure why? But a combative post will 9 times out of 10 get combative posts back. Oh! And good luck on starting back to work.

Better to do it at 21 than put it off and be older and regret not doing it when you were young. Trust me, I'm edging close to 27 and wish I had done it a few years ago, but at the time I only knew about the bypass and lapband and both of those horrified me. Your family is scared and uneducated (I'm assuming) about the procedure, so it's normal. There is almost always one or a few who seem horrified and unsupportive. Either they'll come around, or they'll be grumpy until they see you succeeding and pretend like they were supportive all along. You may even encounter some who are jealous (even some of your 'normal' sized friends/family). The main thing is that YOU know you've put your heart and soul into it, and your surgeons and pre-op tests will put you through a lot. Most people who don't know a thing about it and aren't supportive think it's some sort of lazy fix to being overweight--which obviously it isn't. It's just another tool in the arsenal, and all about how well you utilize it. Keep your boyfriend and sister close, and just remember you're doing it for you and your health!

Congratulations!! I just started my pre-op diet today!! I was in the same boat regarding second thoughts because of unsupportive people in my life. But, like you, I had to remind myself that this was for *me* and *my* future! Regarding the unflavored protein, I plan on adding it to unsweetened jello for non-alcoholic jello shots. I'm also going to be making bone broth this weekend, so I'll add some to that as well. Or store bought veggie organic broth?

Yup this is it right here...my dad was very worried, and for good reason. I haven't had any of the 'regret' because I had two years of hard thinking and working before I had the sleeve done. My dad is very supportive now, he's just being a concerned dad. I've not had anyone unsupportive post the surgery, and those that were worried are not any longer. They see that 'Hannah is still Hannah' The hardest part has been my meds post-op, harder than the physical healing aspect. But I'd do it all again because, on the whole, I feel so much better with 60 plus pounds off my frame. Even more so to come, it's been a gradual loss and I've liked that.

Beset of luck to you Ben.... it sounds like you will be a great role model for your son, and that is something he will definetly need!! It's sad to say, but some people are better apart then togeather, this is a hard journey to make, but I think it would be even harder with an unsupportive spouse. Now you have time to focus on becoming healthy and being the best dad you can be!

@@janedoe92 I'm so sorry My mom (and I'm 52 years old!) was VERY unsupportive initially, but once I put my foot down and told her that I care too much about myself to NOT have this surgery, she came around. People oppose what they don't understand, you know? And when they're afraid it may hurt you more than help you, they oppose it even more. Reassure them, tell them about your surgeon and your program and tell them how important it is to your success and future health to have their support. I laid it on my mom so thick that she would have had to say "I don't want you to be healthy" to continue to argue against my WLS. Good luck, and you'll get lots of info and support here that you can share with your family to help get them on board.

I had a similar problem to this. Initially when I decided to go down the path of getting a gastric sleeve, I decided to hide it from my husband because I knew that he would be unsupportive. I was going to take my mother to my first consult with the doctor instead. But, my mother was just as unsupportive. I was so saddened that I had no support that I went and cried to my best friend... Who also happens to be my husband. After many long talks and boarder line arguments, he said that he didn't approve or agree with what I wanted to do, but that he would support me. He put in place one clause, he asked me to hold off on my first consult until February. If he could show the leadership I needed him to show in regards to losing weight and exercising, then I had to agree to give him one final shot at losing weight "naturally". If he couldn't, then I could do what I want. Mid Jan this year, his best friend (a doctor) came over and my husband bought up my decision to have surgery in hopes of getting ammo to use against me in arguments. My husbands main arguments were that it was weak minded and a quick fix. His doctor friend looked at him and told him that actually what I was doing was a good thing. It wasn't weak minded at all. In fact it's strength of mind to be able to admit to your short comings and take action to fix them. Rather than doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result, it was time to try something different. In the morning on the way to work my husband told me about the conversation he had with his doctor friend and, long story short, we are both going to the consult together on Feb 20th so we can both have the surgery. I think sometimes men need a mans perspective. Get one of his friends on side if you can, then get his friend to talk him into supporting you. Also, remind him that he doesn't have to agree with what you're doing, but if he loves you and wants you to be happy, then he needs to support you regardless. Good luck, love. Xx

I don't know the answers to your questions as I haven't been sleeved yet. But I'm so sorry your hubby is being so unsupportive. This group has been a huge source of support for me so far. We're all here if you need us.

I've only told my hubby and my mom. My hubby's family is gossip central and incredibly opinionated. It is awful. The whole town would know if we told them. I've been a stay at home mom for almost 10 years and have had my own business for 3 years. I chose to keep my decision private for now. My fear was the endless opinions and gossip. I made this choice for myself about 5 years ago. Now I am completely ready. When the time comes, due to rapid weight loss, I will probably have to say something. I'll deal with it then. At that point it will be a little late for opinions and unsupportive comments. But, until then, I really like the positive support I have from my hubby & mom. I've made it through my 6 month diet, just got approved a few days ago by ins and now waiting to get it all scheduled. I am so excited!!!!

are u sure she was not a christin scientist? jw's are not against surgery, they believe in drs, some even are drs. i know this cuz my mom is one & has been my whole life. it is strange that she asked u any of those questions, she was being a bit nosy & forward! i can see if u were @ an abortion clinic or something her suggestive remark but otherwise i agree that she was out of line. ignore the remarks of naysayers, unsupportive people, & ESPECIALLY people who know NOTHING about you or your situation!!! ---for the record, even if you were @ an abortion clinic or some place like that NO ONE has the right to force thier own opinion on you & i do not want you to thinjk in any way that i am defending the actions of this lady!

My dear sweet boyfriend and I (both in our 60's now) met online and have been together eight years and sharing a home for the last 4 1/2. I was new to the area and had been looking at Craigslist.com for a job. One day I realized that there are other catagories too, including personal ads. So, as a twisted social experiment, I laid out the unvarnished truth, baggage and all. I got 93 responses! After sorting out all the ones that were inappropriate or did not hold my interest, I picked out six that I though might be worth a first date. I dated a couple of frogs, and then came across the kindest, gentlest man I have ever met. Second date was all day for lunch, a White Sox game, and dinner. We have been together ever since. Never did check out the other three. I said all of that to say this: Just tell the truth and run. If he has an objection to your method of obtaining health and happiness, then you are wasting your time and his. You don't want to be a human bait and switch. At this point, you are hoping he is not holding back any deal breakers from you, either. Get the truth out there. Why start out with a unsupportive mate? Don't settle. You know what you want now. Go for that.

Time to get new friends and move on! There really are good people out there that deserve your time and effort to be friends with. I am shocked every time I read about someone getting negative feedback from unsupportive friends and family. I truly don't get it. I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by "good" people. I have had unconditional support from all of my friends and family and even acquaintances. I had just one "friend" who was very negative when she found out but she's terrified of surgery in general. She won't even have the hysterectomy she needs because of bleeding, precancerous tumors in her uterus. So for me, I only have one negative loony bin in my life. Just yesterday I ran into a client I hadn't seen for awhile and they gushed over how great I looked and wanted to know what I was doing. I told her I had had surgery and she exclaimed "that's great! I have several friends that have had weight loss surgery and have not lost much weight. I know it still takes a lot of work, so good for you." THESE are the people I chose to have in my life.

So I went back to find this post I made YEARSSSSSSS AGO and a reply i made a couple of years later. This is when i still had my Lapband (didn't come out till March 2017). Since then I got divorced and remarried.... Band removal and Sleeve revision (aug. 28, 2019). Posted April 25, 2013 I have not always needed you.... and one time in my life.. i was a "normal" person. Size 0-3... weigh a whopping 100lbs. Back in my single day... then one day you meet a wonderful guy and you fall in love... ahhh things are great. You get married and have a beautiful son. and life is good.... but then you notice that you’re not happy as you use to be. some days are worse than others... you find the strength to get up every day and go to work and live a "normal" life. Things are good at home... but something is missing... that spark, that feeling you use to get when you and your spouse were together intimately .. and you notice that those time has gotten further and further apart. and you think, what is going on? and one day the reason is staring you right in the face... the mirror... but in that mirror is someone else... surely, it's not me... I don't look like that... that's a ugly fat girl... i'm not ugly and i for damn sure am not fat. Can't be... i told my self-years ago i would NEVER like myself look like... those people... but then you look closer... and closer and there. i know those eyes.... those are my eyes... but why do they look so sad. I have happy eyes. and i see, i see the real me. the one others have been seeing for years.... how did i not see this... how did i let myself get like this ... how did i become that girl that now had to shop at the plus-size store... when just yesterday i was a size 3... How did i become the girl the skinny girls are not looking at and saying... i'll never let myself look like HER... and i'm the HER. this feeling takes the very last shred of self-confidence and stomps it into the dirt and spits on it. and you think...i am ugly i am fat i am unworthy of love.... unworthy of feeling good. and you start to eat... more and more and everything keeps getting worse. you stop taking care of yourself, stop dressing up stop wearing make-up and fixing your hair.... stop putting forth the effort at all... You are now sitting in a deep dark cave, alone and no one or nothing can show you the light.... But one day... you open your eyes expecting to see nothing... complete darkness and there it is... a speck of light.... it's tiny, but just right there in front of you. and you squint to see it.... making sure it's really there. that speck was my friend Paula... she had lb surgery and every day we talked and every day my light grow brighter.... I went to the doctor and did all the tests... did it all and the news that i was approved... OH ... JOy. I looked in the mirror and saw a glimmer of hope. But as the days grew closer... I started to think... WHAT IF... what if i die on the table, what if i fail at this too, what if i stayed fat forever... Then i saw this site...trolled for a long while. I didn't want to sign because, well what if someone knew me... the horror... Then i saw all the successive people... the beautiful woman and handsome men that in their before pictures looked so sad... sad like me. Then i saw the after pictures. and all the happy smiling faces... people who were bigger than me... now wearing size 6 jeans (lellow)... and i thought, i can do this i can get my life back.... I will be happy again. so on November 10, 2009... i awoke... was re-born. and i did do it... i lost 80lbs... it took me longer than most, but i don't care. I have donated all the 12-14-16 & 18 and moved into my own size 6... On Feb 15, 2012.... after a long hard fight.... i won and awarded myself a tummy tuck... i deserved it. I earned it.... so to my band... thank you... for sticking with me and always keeping me on track. and too all you out there thinking about doing this.....search within yourself and be happy again... whichever way you choose..... blessings..... Posted March 31, 2015 Ak.... congrats on deciding to make a change in your life. I re-read my post and im terrible in grammar... lol.... but it made me cry a little... to think back at how sad i really was. And to admit, i have started feeling that way again.... Not that i am "fat" by normal standards, im still a size 8. But i have put back 20 and feel defeated somewhat. Scared... too. Scared of the unknown, of the what if's.... What if i can't get my ass back in gear and do what i know i can. Depressed because i have no support at home with my husband. Who just yesterday said that my LB was a "hobby"... can you believe that... A Hobby... He hates that im no longer "fat"... he said.... your not fat, you're thick.... where other men will tell me im Hot, beautiful, sexy... not him... im thick. We went through a time where sex was great... 2-3 times a week... which was a vast improvement from 1-2 a YEAR... We are now back at 1-2 a month.... if im lucky. February 14, 2020 Well, I did lose that 20 i put back and in fact did lose another 10... I soon after i decided that there was a lot more to the reason i was so unhappy. My ex was still very verbally abusive and very unsupportive. He still hated my weight loss. Still was not being intimate with me... and it got back down to 1-2 a year. Found out that he was in fact sleeping with another woman (he never admitted it). I talked with him and begged him to do counseling... he said no, that there was nothing wrong with him. So I sat down on the couch and said, if things don't change, i'm filing for divorce. Of course, he didn't believe me... but i pulled up my big girl "thongs" (hehe) and filed.... After he realized i was standing my ground, now he wanted counseling.... NOPE.. too late i was done and completly checked out. The marriage ended after 26 years. The day i said i was filing... it was like a thousand tons had been lifted. I started dating and found that men (and women) wanted me. I felt so good about myself. I even posted a profile on Match... and yes that is where i found Tim. I sware he is the last of a dying breed..... perfect gentleman, so kind and loving and giving.... has excepted me for me... He loves me thin, thick (gained 30lbs after band removal) and loves me now.... Thin again. He tells and shows me every day how much he appreciates me.... and it's such a wonderful feeling. So as of today, i'm 51 years old, still 5'2", CW 133.4, Current size 4.... Sleeve done Aug 28, 2019. So im 25 weeks PO. Got married on September 26, 2019..... I am the happiest i have ever been..... Loving me

[Hugs] Welcome to the board! You will find there are a ton of people here with unsupportive families. Mostly I think it's fear for your safety that causes family members to act that way. When YOU get to the point of saying, hey, my quality of life is gone, and I'm willing to take a risk at the chance of being better... Then you're home free. Friends and family look for chinks in your armor of resolve.. and if they find one? They'll pry at it mercilessly! Make sure they won't find one. This is YOUR journey, not theirs.. so they don't get a say. One thing that was helpful to me preop was to write down all my thoughts and feelings and reasons about and for the surgery. That way I could refresh my memory if the going got tough. You are gonna do great!

I totally agree. Just because some of us may not choose to tell everyone what we did doesn't mean we are being liars or being ashamed of what we did. I am pretty private anyways and dont like people knowing my all my personal business. If someone asked if I got surgery, I would probably tell them, especially if it is someone else that is overweight. I actually had a friend that got RNY and was preaching to me that i just need to diet and exercise because thats how she lost all her weight and that sort of bugged me that she did that but she usually always has a holier than thou demeanor anyways. I wont pretend I found the magical cure all fatness diet but I am not going to make a point to bring it up either. When it comes down to the heart of it its my own personal decision. Just like the fact that I dont normally tell anyone that I am bisexual and in a polyamorous relationship. Some people may be supportive, a lot definitely wont but either way what I do with my life (as long as I am not hurting anyone!!!) is my own damn decision. I had a few family members and friends that I told that were VERY unsupportive so I decided not to tell them that I am going through with it until asked later and have made it a point not to talk to co-workers etc about it either.

You all are right and I think in a way I am in pre mourning for the food, although I have been telling my mom for years that i wish I just didnt have to eat to live. I would always say that with addiction to drugs or alcohol atleast you didnt need it to survive where if you have a food addiction its always around and you have to eat to live. I think once the surgery is done I will feel mentally better but there is so much junk going on right now. I am 33 in school, a so so crappy unsupportive relationship (while feeling like I cant do better), Im still married to my ex because he wants me back. **long story.. I do not have a regular sleep schedule and am sort of an insomniac who sits around to much and well I could go on and on. I want to thank you all for replying. I know that my relationship is super toxic but I do not have enough strength right now to leave. My body woes at this weight are temporary I know but are just contributing to my crummy self esteem and I think I need to get in and talk to a professional about the crud that is clogging up my brain. My mom told me today that I just need to do the best i can with my food and go for a walk everyday to get the blood flowing and I know she is absolutely right. THANK YOU ALL. YOUR POSTS REALLY CHEERED ME UP AND GOT ME FEELING A BIT BETTER TODAY. I have the feeling this might be a bumpy road.

So at 2:30 in the morning, while in Tijuana Im lying wide awake and all I can think of is how can I not tell my parents and sister. Im good wheather that take it or leave it as Im doing it for me. Its basically my mother who drives me nuts when it comes to food.... for years I have asked can we please do other stuff then eating all the time, and she agrees, but nothing ever changes.... so last week when she invited me to go for a buffet and insisted I cant say no because dad is paying.... so I say no, can we please just not do something that doesnt involve food (not to mention my surgery was less then a week away too lol,,,, and she said that sounds wonderful, lets go bowling or to a movie soon then.... but while I have been in Mexico my bf writes my mom to tell her he has a dvd for her computer so my mom says thanks and insists that we need to start coming over for supper more.... that was it!! lol she seriously just doesnt know when to stop.... I wasnt going to tell my parents or sister, but I figure why live a lie, this is something HUGE and exciting for me, and people who are unsupportive of it, I dont want in my life. So wow I wrote a big long letter, and now Im waiting to hear back, but honestly Im relieved and feel the stress off my shoulder, and I cant believe I just let it all out lol (it was liberating).... but this has been ever since Ive known the rollercoaster of ups and downs with weight and Im done being in the Obese category. My doctor was 100% behind me and supported me all the way which meant alot to me, Im just hoping my family is the same!! eeekkSsss!! lol I figure if I dont tell people I can possibly just put the weight back on by streching my stomach and lying just to aplease people, no more, this is my year, my new me, the skinny new me!!! I wish everyone lots of luck in their decisions in telling people, but why not just tell everyone, youre not doing it for them, youve made this decision with a lot of care, thought and ups and downs. It took me over a year to think about it and the last 6 months to really be serious about it,,,, and to be honest it has been the best present I have ever given myself and no one is going to burst my buttons lol