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I didn't mean to step on any toes. I know everyone is different and everyone deals differently. Personally, for me, I'm following what my doctor says because I trusted him enough to operate on me so I'm going to trust him enough to follow his guidelines. I was not trying to be unsupportive. I was actually saying that eating throughout the day makes sense in the clear liquid and full liquid stages, and even after that depending on your guidelines. I'm sorry if I came off differently.

Being reversible was not one of the reasons I picked the band - I didn't want my stomach cut and I certainly didn't want to dump or end up with vit/mineral deficiencies. Now I know I don't want to be fat again and I also know that left with no tool that is exactly what would happen. I really don't want another surgery but I also don't want to go through this again in 1, 2, or 5 years down the road. If not caught in time dilation can lead to strangulation of part of the stomach and it can die and need to be removed. I would rather control what part of my stomach is removed. So even if my dilation resolves I'm leaning toward going for the revision. I am surprised to find that of the very few people I've told (who were all supportive of my original choice) they seem a bit unsupportive now?? I'm getting comments like "Oh you know how to eat now so you don't need that" WTH, People that I thought understood that without help I will not keep this weight off - or finally get to goal are no longer people that I can talk to. I'm confused again....grrrrrr. I'm glad there are people here that have been where I am now.

I was really unsupportive of moms RNY surgery 2 years ago. I told her she was taking the easy way out... Fast forward to present time I have repeatedly apologized for not being there 110% for her, this is by no way the easy way out. I was uneducated and jealous. People don't understand.... Its the hardest and best decision of my life. Surgery 7/25/12

I mostly just want to rant... I'm less than 3 weeks post op and my wife has already stopped being supportive. The kids call my meals dog food. Wife has gone through the McDonald's drive through 3 times with me in the car since surgery, she breaks out bags of chips and other Snacks for movie nights, and has little regard for my new diet. She doesn't seem to understand why this would upset me. The kids are pretty young still, so I'll give them a pass. Wife is scheduled for surgery on August 1st, so I would think she would be more supportive...

Hey. I am no friend of an unsupportive/abusive partner but let's give the guy a little break. It can be scary to see big changes in the one's we love. Perhaps he is scared of losing the version of you he fell in love with as you lose your weight. Try to get to the bottom of this with him. If he is just a jerk you may need to give him the boot. If he is scared and inarticulate, he may need your help. It doesn't seem fair that you need to do so much of this work (go through surgery, lose the weight, hold his hand) but you can do it! Good luck.

We've talked about her negative reaction as much as either of us are willing to, sometimes it's better to take a breath and move forward. I can talk about getting the surgery etc booked now without her getting angry and bitchy and that's more than I expected after our first two attempts at talking about it. Her fears, she claims, we're about the dangers of surgery. But I think there was a lot more going on internally for her than she was willing to admit to herself, with her food is love mentality and the fact that she is big herself so I belive she's feeling... judged? Kind of? Even though that's not the case. I also think that it makes her have to take a long hard look at her own weight and is just easier to get angry and be unsupportive than deal with that you know? I will not be staying with her when I get home (I'll be in my father's house and she lives 2.5 hrs away) so I'm just not going to see her until I feel more settled into post-op life as I don't want her opinions to affect me mentally if her attitude gets the better of her. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

While most of us will think of your roommate as bitchy, jealous, and unsupportive, she is correct. It depends on how she said it I guess. But at any rate, it is a good idea to look into therapy, a support group, or just some soul searching and self realization if you can't do therapy for insurance or $ reasons. Do some reading on self esteem and self worth. You can find a lot online. But this journey is definitely an emotional, mental, and physical one. I am hoping by working on all of it, that it will decrease my chances of weight regain later.

You all are right and I think in a way I am in pre mourning for the food, although I have been telling my mom for years that i wish I just didnt have to eat to live. I would always say that with addiction to drugs or alcohol atleast you didnt need it to survive where if you have a food addiction its always around and you have to eat to live. I think once the surgery is done I will feel mentally better but there is so much junk going on right now. I am 33 in school, a so so crappy unsupportive relationship (while feeling like I cant do better), Im still married to my ex because he wants me back. **long story.. I do not have a regular sleep schedule and am sort of an insomniac who sits around to much and well I could go on and on. I want to thank you all for replying. I know that my relationship is super toxic but I do not have enough strength right now to leave. My body woes at this weight are temporary I know but are just contributing to my crummy self esteem and I think I need to get in and talk to a professional about the crud that is clogging up my brain. My mom told me today that I just need to do the best i can with my food and go for a walk everyday to get the blood flowing and I know she is absolutely right. THANK YOU ALL. YOUR POSTS REALLY CHEERED ME UP AND GOT ME FEELING A BIT BETTER TODAY. I have the feeling this might be a bumpy road.

My only close family member (my sister) was completely unsupportive, and it actually seemed that she hoped I would fail. (I haven't.) I did have a spouse and a couple of close friends who were quite supportive, and I could rely on them when things got tough. However, they didn't really understand what I was going through (or even why I wanted surgery in the first place). I can tell you that this forum was an incredibly valuable source of support for me, both before and after my surgery. If you post here often, you will find a number of people who reply regularly and whose advice you can trust. As BetterMe said, don't worry about what others think. You know that you are doing this for yourself so that you can be healthy and not burdened by obesity in your daily life. Keep your eyes on the prize!

It's all about her and not about you and your health. My husband is extremely unsupportive. I didn't even tell him about the surgery as he had previous from for trying to cancel my much needed breast reduction behind my back 5 years ago. I texted him after the surgery and had left a whole folder of useful info and a letter explaining why I hadn't told him waiting on the kitchen countertop. I leaned on my very supportive friends who helped me with all travel especially. He now says it was the best decision I could have made, and that I was smart not to tell him as he wouldn't have understood and would have tried to stop it. You do you - it's your health and no one else's. She wouldn't like you telling her what to do with her body.

Well attended a seminar yesterday and today went to my pcp for a referral to get the ball rolling. Thing is, she seemed hell bent on scaring me off of the idea of WLS. She lectured me for 5 min on how it is horrible and how two of her other patients have had terrible side effects and brain damage and how it has ruined their lives. Then she went on to say all I needed to do was eat a bunch of salads and that she was 100% without a doubt correct and that I should just do it without surgery. I'm not really sure what to think, but I still requested the referral so I can speak to the doc myself. She also said that the surgeons view WLS as a means to profit and as soon as the deal is done that they ignore you and don't want to deal with you if you have complications. Anyone else have a PCP with a similar attitude?

*Caution, Kind of a long read* Hi everyone, I had a my surgery in December 2019 and even before surgery my boyfriend of almost 5 years was very against me having surgery. His question is always "what am I going to gain from you having this surgery?" and he doesn't seem to care at all that losing weight is what is best for me. At my highest weight I was about 10 pounds shy of reaching 300 pounds and he always was very against me getting over 300 pounds and he constantly told me that if I worked out and ate right I could easily lose the weight I wanted to lose on my own (though it is very hard to lose almost 100 pounds on your own with support, i couldn't imagine doing it with the little to no support he was offering). He has horrible eating habits himself, soda, fast food 3-5 times weekly, and no exercise but lucky for him he has always been skinny and has a fairly good metabolism and never has to worry about his weight. I went back and forth for years over having surgery and my mom had gastric bypass in 2016 and lost about 200 pounds and is doing amazing and he swears up and down that I did this surgery just because she kept telling me to (which is entirely untrue) and that if I didn't listen to everything my mom said then I would have been able to lose the weight on my own and now he just thinks I took the easy way out. Which, a bit of back story, I was very very sick after my surgery and in a lot of pain and I could not get fluids or food down well for the first 2 months post op and I was so weak I could hardly get out of bed and if I did I would feel faint and practically pass out in the shower, on the toilet, etc. He saw me go through all of this until they found out I had a stricture and they had to go in and dilate it and now I feel amazing, but still after watching me go through all of this he still thinks that I was weak and took the easy way out. Now he thinks that at 3 months post op and 65 pounds down from my highest weight and still another 60 pounds away from my goal that I am getting far too skinny and that I need to stop right now at the weight that I am at or else he will no longer find me attractive. I don't think he seems to understand that I can not simply just stop losing weight and that I had this surgery in the first place to lose a significant amount of weight because I was morbidly obese. I have been overweight almost my whole life and all I have ever wanted was just to be a normal goal, have boys like me, make friends, have confidence, and be able to shop in a normal store and not have to desperately search for cute clothes which rarely existed in the plus sized section. Now I have a boy that I love and would hate to lose but he is making it seem like I made this super selfish decision to change MY BODY without his consent and that now I should feel guilty for potentially flushing out 4 year long relationship down the drain and wasting his time. I just don't know what to do now, he said not to call him until I can explain to him how me losing weight and getting "skinny" is going to benefit him in any way. I'm just saying, I did this surgery for me, I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself too. I don't give a single damn about being skinny, I just want to be happy and healthy and at almost 300 pounds I was so far from that that it's not even funny. I just need his support and I don't think i'll ever get it.

React as if they are acting appropriately. Keep repeating it until they get the point. "I appreciate that you are willing to take an interest in my health. Your support means a lot to me." Eventually they will get the idea that you are not interested in debating with them, that they are, in fact, acting like unsupportive jerks; and that their continued hurtful comments and questions are not going to get them the result or debate that they want. And they'll either shut up or decide that they really *should* be supportive.

He's half way supportive. He still asks me if I'm sure, if he buys me a treadmill for the living room will that be better etc... He's naturally skinny and there isn't an ounce of fat or fat related disease in his family so I understand why he doesn't get it. That said, he's not unsupportive, just kind of "oh ok if you want to do this ok"... I'm not thinking he "gets" how major this really is, but I guess we'll find out. He's also never lived on his own so never had to really do much of anything house or cooking related when I went in for my first c section, my son was 3 and we still lived near the in laws and they helped him out with DS. When I went in for my second c section the in laws moved up here to our basement for a week to help out (mind you I was only out of commission for not even a week) Now my FIL is dead, MIL doesn't drive and I am not even telling that side of the family about surgery so we have no outside help. Not that he should need it my kids are pretty self sufficient (12,8&3) only the youngest needs help with most everything. I'm just freaking because I am a control freak and do it ALL from a-z taking care of them since im a SAHM its my job (agreed upon and enjoy 100%, it works for us ) Anyway, I am going to work on jobs for the kids, that's a good idea! They have regular chores but I can definitely have them help more too!

I recently learned from my bestie that my husband...who was the most supportive person possible (and still is)....was a wreck during my surgery and didn't sleep the night before. So often I think unsupportive people, particularly those who love us....are just incredibly scared. Especially people who are fearful of medical procedures themselves. It might come out as nay-saying and nastiness....but I think the root is fear.

I'd like to mention that if the Dr. puts you on a liquid diet and you follow it/lose weight, the weight you were previous will not count as starting BMI for insurance. I don't know if you are self-pay or not, but I would be worried that I may lose weight in an unsustainable way and then end up gaining it all back again. I would find out the absolute specifics on your insurance policy and then call around to center of excellence bariatric practices and get scheduled. Also, I did decide to switch my primary care Dr when I decided on WLS because the one I had been seeing had always seemed so unsupportive and BORED when I talked to her about my weight problems. If you feel you need to switch Dr's, do it! I actually found my new Dr by asking the receptionist at the weight loss practice if there was someone she could recommend.

I've only told my hubby and my mom. My hubby's family is gossip central and incredibly opinionated. It is awful. The whole town would know if we told them. I've been a stay at home mom for almost 10 years and have had my own business for 3 years. I chose to keep my decision private for now. My fear was the endless opinions and gossip. I made this choice for myself about 5 years ago. Now I am completely ready. When the time comes, due to rapid weight loss, I will probably have to say something. I'll deal with it then. At that point it will be a little late for opinions and unsupportive comments. But, until then, I really like the positive support I have from my hubby & mom. I've made it through my 6 month diet, just got approved a few days ago by ins and now waiting to get it all scheduled. I am so excited!!!!

I'm glad I found this site. It's nice to find support, help, and read everyone's stories. It helps to read other experiences. My surgery is May 24- just got the date last Friday. Tomorrow is my pre-op,and I meet my surgeon next Thursday. It seems like most people here have a liquid diet for at least two weeks, but my doctor's office has me doing it for 7 days before surgery. I'm both excited and nervous. I've overheard people at work talking and saying that I've been on so many diets and always gained it back, and that I'm just too lazy to lose the weight "the right way" (as they put it). I also have a lot of supportive family and friends. I was wondering how many of you have encountered negativity and unsupportive people, and how you handled it. I can understand now why people are hesitant to tell people they are having surgery and talk about it with others. We all have to make the best decision for ourselves. So many things I am looking forward to doing again... playing sports, walking up stairs without pain, hiking more easily, riding horses again, being able to fit in an airplane seat and not have to use an extension, and just plain feeling good about myself again.

kimberlee venting is always allowed here, important to get stuff off your chest not to be rude or unsupportive.............. IMO you should have been the one to leave. Is it fair to ask maybe 6 other girls to move because you are having a problem with what they are eating. so IMO you (one person) should be the one to change rooms.- not 6 others in a group, my thoughts only, sorry - still luv ya

Sorry but this is very unsupportive of your Fiance. I'm sorry he said that to you.

It is sad to know their are physicians out there that continue to be unsupportive when it comes to weight loss surgery. Thankfully I have had nothing but a supportive team when it came to making my my decision. I am so sorry to hear that others continue to get such poor advice . Please make sure you take the time to go to a reputable center of excellence class and learn about your options before letting someone scare you into making the wrong decision for you personally. I did a lot of research before making my decision to have gastric bypass surgery and I am only 3 weeks post op, and already I know that it is the best decision I could have made for myself. Educate yourself, gift yourself that gift.

if your doctor has approved you for the process, then HE does not think you are too young. I have been on a diet since 1978 and joined a gym twice, and am still 100 pounds overweight. Like the others here are saying, overweight issues tend to perpetuate themselves, and all of a sudden you are in your forties or fifties or sixties, and still overweight with arthritis and multiple joint replacements. I wish this process would have been available when I was younger. If someone is being unsupportive of your decision to manage your own health your own way, then put your hands over your ears and hum Yankey Doodle. You do you.

Your husband is (excuse my profanity) a complete asshat. I know I've lost lots of weight over the years using all manner of diets. And I've regained every damned bit of weight after as well. This surgery is a tool to help you get control of your eating habits, allowing you to relearn how to eat healthy and create an entirely new lifestyle if done properly. It is not a fad or a diet - it is a total life change. Your relationship with food is forever altered. So if you weren't already aware of that, then I guess it might be something to think about. But the fact is, no one exercises every day. No one eats perfectly every single day. This isn't a sign of lack of commitment; it's a sign of being human. But using the sleeve, you'll lose the gnawing hunger, and the ability to eat large quantities and also for about a year's time, you'll lose the overwhelming desire to eat really bad stuff. This gives you a chance to change up everything. You should become better at making healthy choices overall, so that the indulgence of a small slice of cake or a few Cookies every once in a while don't do anything to your weight. Or feel well enough to get out there and walk or ride a bike or go play a sport several times a week. You might even get to enjoy certain activities to the point where they don't even feel like you're exercising. That's the goal - and with this surgery, it is achievable. He is a jerk for being so unsupportive. He is a jerk for not understanding that carrying large amounts of weight around is only going to increase your health issues as you get older, and he is a total jerk for trying to make you feel like a failure before you've even tried. Just because you've lost some weight now doesn't mean you will be able to keep it off long term, and you are giving up on yourself because he's basically put you down enough to where you feel like it is a given that you will fail at this too. And that is the biggest jerk move of all. Even if you do give up on this surgery, you need to sit down and really examine the relationship where your husband is so unsupportive of something that is meant to improve your health and well being. It might be that he is scared something bad might happen, or it might be that he is upset that you might get better to the point where you might leave him or some other insecurity he has that makes him project his fears and anger at you. Because that sounds like a really crappy relationship to have, and I would be super pissed off at my spouse if he acted that way. All of this should have all be discussed and worked out months ago - when you first started this whole weight loss journey. He should not be freaking out and making you feel awful just days before your surgery. And that is why I say he's being a complete asshat - because he is so small and petty as to basically tear you down right when you need him to be there for you - no matter what his reasoning is for doing so. Big hugs, and I hope you can have a real conversation with him regarding his attitude and what you need from him and he actually hears what you're saying. And good luck with whatever you decide... but I do hope you are able to move forward.

I had an unsupportive spouse, but he has changed his mind. Like yours, he believes it's all just a matter of 'calories in, calories out'. He just doesn't get the idea of food addiction or emotional eating. He lived five years as an elite athlete playing professional sport and has never had a weight problem. And he hasn't had two 11 pound babies like I have. I took him to the seminars, got him to read a couple of books and even showed him this site. He wouldn't budge. 'If you just ate less and exercised more, you'd be right'. Sigh, and if I could follow that simple formula, I wouldn't be fat, right? Finally, it was a neighbour who saved the day. My husband asked him for his opinion and the neighbour said 'I hear it's great, works for alot of people'. Now, my husband is supportive, even though he still doesn't get it. My point being, is there someone whose opinion your husband totally respects, independent of you? Sometimes it takes 'social proof' for an idea to sink in as being worthy.

@@judanna77 response makes complete sense. Don't pay mind to responses saying that 'if you can't do the pre-op diet you shouldn't be doing the surgery'. That's unnecessarily unsupportive and not true. I had my own fears (see my own post in one of the Beginner's forums where I was given wonderful advice by @@MissMay and @provenzee). And even though my plan allowed more than others' seem to have, I still had slip ups here and there pre-op. After surgery the whole thing changes - I was only done a couple of days ago and you realize how little you want or crave food. You're justified in being nervous about pre-op - after all, right now you're functioning with the mindset and stomach that led to obesity. If pre-op diets were easy to do, none of us would even need the surgery! But look at your surgery as resetting your mind and body. Once you're over that hump, you'll listen to your body and be great. Do the best you can during pre-op. If you have a slip up or two, don't be too hard on yourself. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App