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Hey Suzi! Sorry for your lack of support. I was afraid to tell my mom too. I knew she'd be freaked out and find every unsupportive thing to say to me. And of course I was right for a while, then she decided it was okay and she came to support my decision. She's tried to be supportive by asking how much I've lost and wanted to know about my progress; however, she keeps saying things like, "that's all you've lost so far?" and "you have to loose weight because you're not eating much right?". Which tells me she doesn't understand it at all. She's talked about wanting the band, but I think she'll have an unrealistic view of what it can do for her. She's asked me a time or two if I am "cheating". Now I feel like I have to defend myself and my eating to her all the time. It would have been too hard to keep something like this from her, but there are times when I wish she didn't know. Anyway, we're all here for you. Just keep plugging along and do what is right for you. Good luck! :behindsofa:

I will definitely bring that up to him. The hard part is actually getting him to go with me. :cool2: It's just hard that the one person that I count on the most is being so unsupportive at the moment. He told me initially that he would support me because I thought this what I needed to do. I still believe that this is the best for me but I know that he has concerns also. Tonight we are going to have a long talk about our conversation yesterday and lay everything out on the table. I want to know what's on his mind and he can know what's on mine. That way there can be no misconceptions.

Hi- I'm new to this forum. I was banded in February 2004. For the longest time, the band was my miracle. I released sixty pounds and maintained my weight around 200 pounds. While this wasn't "skinny" it felt very healthy to me. In December 2006, I slowly began gaining weight. Over time, I've found that I can eat more and more. When I had a test under floro done last March, they said that the band was still tight, but my esophogas had stretched. I went on liquids for a few weeks. It's now almost eighteen months later and I've slowly found my way back to 229 pounds. I've found ways to eat around the band. This was not purposeful, it's just that now I'm noticing that I've become more of a grazer and the band is no longer my sentry or my signal to stop. I can eat sandwiches, burgers, an entire lean cuisine... none of these things are bad on their own, but the band used to help me with portion control. Now I'm able to eat more "normally" and on top of that, I'm eating things like chocolate and Cookies. It feels like all my old unsupportive habits are back in play again. This makes me so sad... In addition, I've started to experience acid reflux in the night while I'm sleeping... all of a sudden I wake up coughing with acid in my mouth. I'm going to see the doctor this week and have scheduled another floro. I suspect that I'm going to need to have the Fluid removed from my band so that I can "rest" everything for awhile and let the esophogus calm down so that I cannot eat so much at once. Truth is I'm rather sad about all of this. For a few years I experienced total freedom from compulsive eating. I lived with tremendous trust that my band and I were trusty partners and that I could release myself from having to worry and not have to monitor what I was eating all the time. But old habits are back now, and I'm able to eat in ways that aren't supporting maintaining a lower weight. My dream is to feel the exquisite freedom of not having to monitor my eating all the time. I would love to be in total sync with my body, my appetite and food. A long time ago when I was on Phen/Fen, I experienced what this was like. Within an hour of taking my first dose, I didn't care about food... and I craved things like carrots and apples. It was a miracle and I remember thinking, "so this is what it is like to experience food like a normal person." The band gave me that sense of freedom for a long time. But now I feel like I'm back and square one... Please send prayers and light that I gracefully find my way in healing this experience for the last time and that I begin eating in a way that honors and supports my vibrant radiant health! Thank you for listening... I just needed somewhere to share this morning. Starrgirrl

Hello-- I, too was just banded and pretty young. :tt1: Sounds like you have kind of an unsupportive social network, which makes me sad. I know how hard it must've been growing up around all "twigs." The shoulder pain gets much better, just keep moving. My doctor has me on Clear liquids until the 15th (Thursday). Not too much fun, but I'm hoping it gives my body plenty of time to heal. The clear liquids aren't too bad. KEEP WALKING, it eases that shoulder pain. Also, if it gets bad, use a heating bad and GAS-X helps me a lot. Good luck and you are in my prayers.

Brandy, you have to examine what you just said to me though. Exercise is a vital part of making the band work for most people. It doesnt have to be running and it doesnt have to be swimming, but before you can say that the band isnt working for you, you do have to be able to say you've given it 100% - and exercise is at least half of that equation. Weight loss takes lots of hard exercise, big commitment to lots of hard exercise. And that's not my personal opinion, or my judgement or my view on what you should do or any sort of evaluation of you personally at all. Its just fact. If you cant/wont do the exercise then chances are the band is not going to work terribly well. Some people wing it, and are lucky but I can tell you I wouldnt have been one of them because I like my food. This is the type of thing where I tend to get into trouble and be seen as argumentative, because now I'm breaking from support and sympathy into a bit of tough love. But it is just plain truth, and if you want I can phrase it another way. If you can put your hand on your heart and say that you CANT do the exercise and WONT do the exercise then you're probably right, the band is not the *best* choice for you personally. I really dont mean that to be unsupportive, its just the way it is. Healthy weight loss takes exercise. Would you truly rather have another surgery than to do it? Believe me, I'm not a good runner either. I suck at it. My times are prehistoric, I battle through a chronic back condition and run with some degree of pain at all times. I hate swimming, it wrecks my hair so I wont do that. I dont have time for the gym, I know I'd find too many excuses there. So running was what I chose for conveniece, but its not the only choice. Really think about it, please. It could be the part of the equation that you're missing. How simple would that be, if it worked?

So far I've only told my husband, my mother and 1 close friend from work. My mom told the preacher and a close family friend. I've decided at least for now not to tell any other co-workers. I've heard a lot of them make comments that tell me they have unsupportive attitudes towards weight loss surgery - they seem to believe people should be able to do it on their own. I don't feel like having to defend my decision to people who have never had a weight problem and are pretty close-minded in general. As for friends and family, I imagine as time goes on I will tell more people especially as I see some success. I'm going to the beach with about 10 close friends only 2 weeks after surgery, so I'm sure it will come up when they see me not eating anything but thinned down grits and cream of wheat.

Hi Aviatrix, Wow -- I'm sorry that you had such a terrible experience! I read your first post in the General Support thread and my heart goes out to you -- sounds as if you've had a very, very difficult journey with your band all the way around for the last 3 years (dead surgeon, unsupportive PCP, little weight loss, overfills, reflux, nausea, sleep problems, etc.) Maybe it's time to ask for a referral to a GI specialist/radiologist to do a series of GI studies to determine exactly what's up with your band?? Maybe it is slipped (God forbid!) and a routine fill is just not going to be the answer? Bless your heart! If Dr. K isn't a good fit for you, I'd say try one of the other LB surgeons in the Denver area (I'm concluding you're local, sorry if your not), give them your history, and get a referral for some GI testing to see exactly what you're working with here. I hope this all gets worked out for you -- you've been through so much and you deserve to get healthy like everyone else on this journey. I'm a nurse and I had a very positive experience all around with Dr. K and would go back to him in a heart beat, but everyone has different needs, It sounds to me as if you need more than a fill. Hang in there and don't give up!

Yesterday I had the first visit with my doc to discuss the LapBand... much to my surprise, she seemed very unenthused about the whole thing. She said she has had a few patients with the lapband and they are doing very well, but was very... I don't know, unsupportive I guess, though she said "yes, I think the time is coming that you need to do something" I'm wondering if that is because of the whole 6 months supervised diet thing that my insurance requires, she was sorta "well... we've never run into an insurance company that requires that before, most doctors are too busy for that". So now what? She gave me the number for the hospital near here (still an hour and a half away) that does the surgery so that I can attend a seminiar, but what good is it going to do me if my doctor doesn't have the time? I'm in a very rural area and doctors here are pretty few and far between... so I don't know what to do...

I was completely inspired by your post in the scar sticky and bought the Kelo-Cote on eBay (way cheaper than Skinstore!). I've been doing the Arnica, but didn't start it until the day before the surgery. How many times a day were you applying it? I'm doing it twice right now, because it tends to rub off under my shirt. I can't do the underwire bra thing; in fact, I've not even attempted it. So, for now, I'm doing wildly unsupportive jogbras. Better than nothing and they will at least keep me from being arrested whenever I leave the house. :biggrin: -m

blund, when she starts up with her negative comments, call her on it, say "why are you being so negative and unsupportive about my band?" If that does not work then tell her until you can keep your negative comments to yourself about my band, we will not be discussing my choice anymore. hope that helps!!

Look I get it, pro-lifers want to press their unsupported theories on everyone. Look I get it, pro-lifers want to call what amounts to same as living tissue in a jar a separate human being. I get that pro-lifers don't want the woman to have rights to there own bodies. See, I can also throw out irrelevant talking points to make a point. Yay, go go insensibilities! As of right now, yes that is how I define it. Because in reality land noone knows when life starts and what constitutes as life. I don't want to pass laws on what I believe but rather what I know. And I know there is plenty of reasons to have an abortion and little other then damage to the woman to be against it. Have a nice day in Theoryville. Hopefully your plane lands in Constitution Town soon.

I have my very supportive husband and my supportive younger brother. My middle brother is not supportive at all. You just need to go on a diet and not eat so much he says. Like he really knows. Not! I have read a lot of posts about of the subject of who to tell. Many people including myself are telling very few people. Some tell none. On these boards you can tell all what is in your heart of hearts and what is on your mind. Everyone is so great here. It's amazing how many unsupportive people are out their. I mean family and friends etc. I do hope you have at least one supportive person. But in the end remember we are doing this for ourselves. I have my surgical consult and my psych eval today and I'm looking forward to having that behind me. I will post tonight and let eveyone know how it went. Good luck in your journey. Remember here you are amoung friends.

yesterday we had a 4-h meeting. my sil who had the tummy tuck was there as well. after each of these meeting we have an assortment of Cookies and juices and fruits for everyone to enjoy. my niece brought some oreo's over for my sil. she offered me one, i declined. my sil started giving me a super hard time about not eating cookies anymore. she was licking it and oohhhing and aahhing, just being dumb! but she would not let up. on and on, waving the cookie in my face, saying how great they tasted. so, knowing that i weigh less then her, like by 20lbs now (insert me doing a little "go me" dance), i come back w/ "guess how much i weighed this morning?" enough said. didnt ask her how much she weighs or anything. just left it at that. to which she of course started in about me weighing myself and bla bla bla.... made me feel better just throwing that out there. how bad is that? but i felt better, and i walked the 2 miles home! made me feel even better! how do you guys handle people like that? oh, and she doesnt know i had this surgery! as far as she knows, i am just making better healthier choices for MY life! which i am, but why does that bother her so?

Hi Donna, I'm Gill and live in Cheltenham, I'm 27 and have just had the band put in on friday 11th April. I was sooo excited about getting the band that that feeling is still there. I'm only in a little discomfort with a bit of gas (wanting to burp but can't) and am not feeling hungry at all (I'm having to force myself to eat teeny amounts) I've stopped taking my painkillers so am seeing if I can last a day without but it's fine at the moment. This for me is the best thing I've done so far. In the past 3 years I've lost weight and gained more, so I paid £6400 private but was quoted £7270 but had to have it done in a different hospital due to the dates I wanted the surgery. I'm a teacher so needed it done in the Spring holidays. Do it whilst you're young! Do it Do it Do it! Don't tell anyone you're doing it as you'll quickly learn that many people are against it (even closest friends and family- as you've already encountered!) You need to remember one thing- YOU DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY YOUR CHOICES TO ANYONE ELSE AS YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOU- AND ONLY YOU. I can't stress this enough. Tell your very closed family that you are doing this anyway no matter what they say and ASK for their support. Explain to them that they are not helping you by giving their 'advice'. My mum was shocked to start with but after a tearful phonecall to her explaining how very unhappy I was with my weight she was on my side. I went to a different doctor than my normal one encase he was going to be unsupportive but these days, they are alot more open minded to 'cosmetic procedures'. Then after your family and Doctor, Don't tell a soul! I told my best friends 4 days before I was due to go in to have the op so they couldn't talk me out of it. You must stay strong while the rest of the world will try to sabotage things for you. You're welcome to have my direct email address if you'd like to talk more. Read this forum and let the other ladies be your inspiration. I'll keep you posted as to how I'm getting on :-) Gill x x x

My husband used to be in the marine corp. and my weight was never a sore spot and he was in great shape. I think it is more your husband's personality then being a marine/navy guy. I would let him know how much you sacrificed your body to give him four beautiful children and it's just not that easy to always workout and lose weight, otherwise, the whole world would be thin. I'm sorry he is so unsupportive, maybe if you let him know you would be watching what you ate and working out but the band is a tool that would help you actually lose more and keep it off this time. Good luck, I hope he comes around, if not you still need to do what's best for you!

I thought it might happen. I've been going to my pcp for 6 years now went in with headaches and diagnosed with HTN and I was 318lbs @ the time. 2 years aago after telling me again that I needed to control my weight and changing me to stronger meds she said "and don't think you going to do it the "cheating way" with a bypass". ok no problem by that time I was 322. I'm doing my research and I'm hoping the lap band is the thing for me, I'm certainly ready to give it my all and I just did 1 year of nutrisystem losing 30 lbs and gaining 35lbs. I go in yesterday (my birthday) for my annual. I mention that my knee is killing me I aviod stairs, and lo and behold 1 weigh 328 (lovely). She proceeds to tell me that "all i have to do is lose weight" - Ya think? -Didn't I feel better when I lost the 30 lbs. -My hormone levels are fine so there's no medical reason that I can't lose weight. -Maybe I should do like her (maybe 5 lbs over her ideal weight mind you) and get on the scale everyday and if i find I'm a pound or two over cut back on my intake. I mean shes a cardiologist/internist does she really think it's that easy, has she lost her mind? If I could lose weight and keep it off - DONT YOU THINK I WOULD!!! Jesus Mary and Joseph give me a break. Needless to say she doesn't "approve" of WLS. so i'll be looking for a new pcp to do the supervised weight loss and referral for me. What a day - Happy Birthday to me- sorry really needed to vent

I chose TLBC and am happy for the choice. Dr. Yau is great and if you need to speak to him you can get him. I have had some concerns with Nancy's tone but to be honest it seems more like her phone manner than anything. On the phone I 've found she can be abrupt and seem unsupportive (at times beyond unsupportive) but in person she has been different. She's calmed any concerns I've had andswered any questions and is extremely efficient with fills. I think it could just be a phone thing... so far.

My doctor is completely unsupportive. She says both my BMI (42) and age (22) is too low for the surgery and that I am just not trying enough and it can be done without surgery. Whatever her reasonings, I want a more supportive doctor, because without the doctor's supprt I'm not getting banded anytime soon. Please tell me who your doctor was in the Kaiser network in Colorado?

Hi there. I was banded on March 18, and just started the "soft foods". Things are going great so far, but I was dismayed to find out that I don't get "adjusted" for 4 weeks. Bummer. I want to get this show on the road! I have a good 100# to drop, and about 10 medications that I hope to shed in the next year or two. I'm hoping the forum can keep me informed about personal experiences you have had along the way. I don't have any family support - I have family unsupport - so I am glad this forum is available. Thank you for being there. Mamamia

Hey folks-- I finally will have a surgery date by the end of the week for sometime in April. Here is my honest to God, unbias opinion of the Doctors and Specialists I have seen. First up, Bariatric Surgeon #1.... Dr. Moran. http://www.alasurgery.com/ The Short: $250 "administrative fee." Unsupportive Staff. Reputable and experienced Surgeon. Bad Bed side manner. Very much to the point. The Long: His office staff was rude, unhelpful, and unsupportive to my needs. They gave me a hassle about faxing my documentating to another doctor when I decided to change. I was denied by insurance because my BMI was > 50. They knew this on the first visit/consultation. Dr. Moran told me all he would have to do is call the insurance company and the denial would be overturned. After I plunked down the cash, the copays, etc, I was told by his office staff that Dr. Moran was far too busy to call me or my insurance company. They referred me to a financing company to pay for my surgery, even though I am fully 100% insured. They offered no assistance in the way of the appeals. Pharrah (office manager), Iris(receptionist), and Ann(bariatric coordinator) are the office staff that I had the displeasure of dealing with. I had to call their office constantly to receive updates on my case. It seemed as if without me calling and asking constantly, nothing got done. Dr. Moran himself was alright, though a bit cold and curt. The office staff motivated me to move to a new Doctor and never look back. Tammi Moore-- Psychiatrist: She is a wonderful woman and knows all about the bariatric surgeries. I really enjoyed working with her and talking with her. I am considering seeing her again after my surgery. Dr. Earnhardt - Cardiologist: This man was probably my favorite of all the specialists I have seen. So kind, attentive, and informative. Loved this visit. Ashley Miles - Nutritionist at Rex Wellness SHe was a total sweetheart as well. It was a joy to see her. Highly recommended. Baratric Surgeon #2.... Dr. Enochs. http://www.surgerync.com/ Angelica at Dr. Enochs is my angel. She was VERY helpful over the phone far before I paid them a single dime. She is the bariatric coordinator over there. She talked me through my issues and got me in to see Dr. Enochs as soon as possible. Luckily, in between visits, I lost the weight I needed for the BMI factor, so that will no longer be an issue. Dr. Enochs himself is a sweetheart and took the time to answer all of my questions. However, there is a $500 administrative fee here. BUT, since I had already paid Dr. Moran $250 and was so frustrated by the process, Dr. Enochs only charged me $250. Yay! It was somewhat of a lengthy wait once I got to the office (30 minutes after my scheduled appointment) and his office in Cary is a bit of a haul from my home in NorthWest Raleigh, but I think it was well worth it. Dr. Enochs also has a FANTASTIC support staff who saw me and spent time with me. I met with 5 employees while there, all guiding me through their area of expertise. Highly recommended. Please PM or reply with any questions at all.

I might email my friend an informative link. We've been friends since 3rd grade when I was a stick & she was chubby. Both of our weights have gone up and down over the years, and now we're both overweight again, and have been for a while. I'm going to keep doing my research (mostly on the "head hunger" issue) and not bring it up to her again unless I have to. Like I said, she's not UNsupportive, just worried, I think.

Thanks Kat. I think your idea of 3 months of dieting may help as well as meeting with the doctor (but not sure yet if he would attend with me) We have not had too much conversation as it ends quickly with his lack of support comments. I could also deal with trepidicious but unsupportive it tough. I do not want him to think that I am lazy or taking the easy way out. I wish I had a surefire way to have him see it my way.

Hi, I am also having the same problem as you, except my husband is not overweight at all, he can eat all he wants and not gain a pound. So he has no idea what it is like to be overweight. I have filed all of the paperwork and I am just waiting to hear back from the insurance company. I wanted to have the surgery a long time ago, but he was so unsupportive that I just let it go. But I couldn't let it go any longer. I have a BMI of 41 and I feel like I will die if I don't do something. So I finally decided to do it, with or without his support. He thinks that I can do it on my own as well. He will not talk to me about it at all, and I think he is secretly hoping insurance won't pay. I have decided not to bring it up again until I hear back from the insurance company. I think you should go ahead and get started. Hopefully both of our husbands will come around. Good luck.

Hey Nicole! Bravo on taking charge of your own health. I felt a little of what you're talking about when i first decided to get the band. In fact, before i even told friends and family, i went to all the seminars and had had most of my exams and tests. The most important person in your life is supportive (the hubby) and that's all that matters. Our friends and family love us as we are, but you know what? They don't walk in our shoes. They may not even really understand all the chronic health problems associated with being MORBIDLY obese. (god, i hate that freaking word) Since i had the surgery on 1/10/08 most of my friends and family are super happy for me. I have one friend who is still unsupportive--in fact, i haven't seen her since New Year's. ::shrugs:: I understand that she has her own weight issues to deal with, and is probably a little jealous. I just leave the door open for her, and let her know i care about what's going on in her life. You have to do what's right for you, and i dare say that the people who are TRULY your friends and who's love for you is unconditional will be around post-op! I wish you all the luck and health! Angela p.s.- i'm about 33lbs down in 2.5months....the more i lose and the better i feel, the more i know in my heart that i made the right decision for my health and wellbeing.

Certainly. In fact I am hoping to keep my WLS a secret from some family members who are unsupportive and judgemental. I feel it is your business and your business alone. You should not have to feel olbligated to share any information you don't want to. Also for work it is completely none of their business and against the law to ask you about what type of surgery you are having. I am a teacher and I work in a team of all women and talk about catty and conniving. I have made the decision that I am not going to share my surgery with anyone. To protect against this or set the stage I guess you can say. I have been working on my weightloss with eating healthy and being active for some time now but I made sure to just add the little whisper about me working out at the gym, meeting with my doctor and nutritionist to make healthy eating plans so that way when I get cornered aboout my WL and believe me it always happens. I can say "Thank you for noticing I have been working out really hard and are meeting with a nutritionist" Case closed.... Because the one thing I can't stand to hear is someone saying about someone who has had WLS "Oh you took the easy way huh" There is nothing easy about it. You have to work just that hard or harder to make sure you keep yourself healthy and balanced... Chin Up Take Care, Jessica