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Ive heard and read that sometimes after the sucessful weight loss marriages or relationships end...they blame the patient..maybe they should blame themselves for being unsupportive jacka**es......thankfully so far my hubby is supportive

My one daughter and her husband are very supportive, the rest of my immediate family is not supportive or unsupportive. I find my support in places like this, my bariatric team and at my Weight Watchers meeting. They all understand the journey of losing weight. The forums and the bariatric team have the added benefit of understanding my surgery, but I have taken time to also inform my Weight Watcher group to. I too only told those that needed to know. Letting too many people know before is hard because they do not understand and then they watch you with such a critical eye. When people notice and ask, I am always forward about it and provide them with good information. I do eat fruits and vegetables, but my diet is rich and Protein. I do eat some carbs, but they are harder for me to tolerate and overfill me very fast. I wish you luck and wonderful holiday season. Let me know if you have any other questoins.

Ok, so I go to my surgeon's support group and last night someone said something that struck me emotionally. A lady was talking about how she wants the sleeve and her husband, who was with her, was against it. After she was done talking another lady, who also didn't have the sleeve yet, said ".... but you're not that big". Seriously???? We're at a sleeve support group and you bring that out??? Yes, the lady who said that was larger than the one with the unsupportive husband, and I think that maybe this lady was just trying to make the other feel better (compliment??), but I got so emotional and had to call the lady out on what she said. I was told alot by friends and family that they didn't think I was big enough. I'm sure they thought of it as a compliment but really it hurt because I could never talk to them about the sleeve beyond their accusation of my size. I was 290 before I got sleeved and had tried and tried and tried and wanted to be able to diet and exercise SO BAD but I couldn't do it mentally. I came to the conclusion to do it for ME because I KNEW I needed a tool to help me, and asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness. Its a very personal decision that everyone makes to have it, and to hear someone say "you're not that big" now not only hurts but pisses me off. So I guess what I'm saying is for people who may not be 350+ or who wear it well, don't listen to the ignorance when people try to tell you you don't need the surgery when you know in your heart that it is the right decision for you.

I'm glad I found this site. It's nice to find support, help, and read everyone's stories. It helps to read other experiences. My surgery is May 24- just got the date last Friday. Tomorrow is my pre-op,and I meet my surgeon next Thursday. It seems like most people here have a liquid diet for at least two weeks, but my doctor's office has me doing it for 7 days before surgery. I'm both excited and nervous. I've overheard people at work talking and saying that I've been on so many diets and always gained it back, and that I'm just too lazy to lose the weight "the right way" (as they put it). I also have a lot of supportive family and friends. I was wondering how many of you have encountered negativity and unsupportive people, and how you handled it. I can understand now why people are hesitant to tell people they are having surgery and talk about it with others. We all have to make the best decision for ourselves. So many things I am looking forward to doing again... playing sports, walking up stairs without pain, hiking more easily, riding horses again, being able to fit in an airplane seat and not have to use an extension, and just plain feeling good about myself again.

Fortunately, I am enjoying a textbook recovery too. I had no trapped gas after surgery, and food is staying down. I am 3 weeks in and have my first follow-up with the surgeon on Thursday 1/16. My biggest "problem" is just orchestrating a schedule for meds, Proteins, measuring foods....that stuff. My heart goes out to those who have had difficulty or have to deal with children, work, or unsupportive families. It has definitely been to my advantage that I am retired and able to just recover and rest.

I came across this from Dave at Paleohacks.com It is good encouragement for when you are faced with negative and unsupportive people in your life. The story has some great analigies. Hey there! Today I want to share with you a fantastic story and some amazing life advice from a mentor of mine that's helped me in my journey to not only become a healthier person, but a happier & more successful one as well. And it comes in the form of a story of a trip to Alaska... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "How To Remove CRABS From Your Life" By Bedros Keuilian Several years ago while on an adventure trip to Alaska I experienced what I can only call one of life's greatest lessons. Like all great lessons in life, it came unexpected and it came to me exactly at the time when I needed it the most. While taking a walk along the shoreline in Ketchikan, Alaska I noticed several crab fisherman casting their nets, waiting a few moments, and the pulling in couple crabs at a time. One fisherman had a bucketful of five or six crabs in it. It was probably one of those five gallon paint buckets that you'd find at the local Home Depot. There was several inches of Water at the bottom of the bucket and these crabs - some the size of my palm, and others the size of Shaquille O'neal's. As I stood there watching how this crab fisherman went about his trade I noticed that one of his crabs from the bucket was climbing on top of the rest. I couldn't really make out exactly what the crab was up to just yet, but I could tell this one was the more ambitious crabs of the bunch. But I soon figured out exactly what he was up to. This little ambitious crab was attempting to make a getaway! He was climbing on top of the others to gain height, then he slowly extend him front legs upward toward the lip of the bucket to pull himself up. HOLY COW!... this little guy was trying to make a break for it. FREEDOM! More out of curiosity than anything else I asked the crab fisherman if he was aware that this crab was about to hoist himself up and over the edge of the bucket. He calmly said; "watch what happens." As this ambitious crab started pulling himself up to get over the edge of the bucket, all of the other crabs reached up, grabbed his hind legs and pulled him down to the bottom of the bucket. LIFE LESSON! I instantly realized that I had made one of the dumbest mistakes of my life. Earlier that year I had figured out that a few of the people in my life were negative minded individuals who always found a way to squash my dreams each time I'd share it with them. Yet I continued to hang out with them, I kept them in my circle of influence, and shared my most lofty goals with them - only to have my ambitions squashed by their negativity, doubt, and scarcity mindedness. I wanted so badly to soar with the eagles, yet I was hanging out with turkeys. I suppose it was just comfortable to be around the people I knew, even if they did stunt my personal and professional growth, rather than to find a new circle of influence who would support me, challenge me, and encourage me to achieve and surpass my goals. Fear of the unknown stopped me from achieving my dreams sooner. But things changed for me after that day in Ketchikan, Alaska. When I got back home I committed to creating my "bubble" and cutting out all of the crabs and turkeys in my life. I become the gatekeeper of my bubble. I chose who got in and who got kicked out. It wasn't easy to do, but I cut ties with the crabs in my life. No more crabs, no more turkeys... ONLY eagles are allowed into my bubble these days. We've all heard the saying... you are the average of the five people who you surround yourself with the most. But you can also say it this way; your head space, your personal development, your attitude, your contribution to society, your personal and spiritual growth in life are all an average of the five people that you surround yourself the most. If the people in your circle of influence are crabs, energy vampires, and low tone then that's the effect that they're going to have on your life. If the people in your circle are positive, encourage you, support you, inspire you, then there is absolutely no limits on what you can achieve - really. That's what I want for you. You're an eagle, but you'll never soar as high as you can if you hang around with turkeys and crabs. Put yourself around the people who will support, encourage and challenge you to get to your goals. ------------------------------------------------------------------ I NEVER had more opposition in my life than when I became an entrepreneur, switched to Paleo, and started taking care of my health. It quickly became very clear to me who were REALLY my friends and supporters, and who just wanted me to stay the same -- so that THEY could be comfortable with their own failings and insecurities. You better believe those people are no longer a part of my life. And I am a MUCH better, happier, less-stressed person for it. And if you have people like that in your life, that are draining you, holding you back, then one of the most important things you can do is remove them - immediately. This life is not a test run - there are no redos. Every second you spend wasted with negative people is one that you will NEVER get back. Remember that! And think about replacing those negative people with ones who actually inspire and support you -- starting TODAY. Talk soon, Dave

I get the are you sick/ do you have cancer comments all the time. Even after explaining how I lost weight (I tell most everyone I had surgery) they all want to make sure I feel OK. Once I reassure them I feel fabulous they all want to know more details about the experience and a few have even wanted my surgeons contact info to pass on to someone. They all congratulate me and recognize that even with surgery it is a lot of work and a big commitment on my part. ONE person mentioned this being the easy way out, but she was immediately chastised by everyone else in the room for being ignorant. I've never had to defend my decision. It's funny how different my feedback has been from so many others on here. I read about unsupportive friends and family and negative comments from coworkers. I have had none of that. Everyone from close friends, family members to my doctors to casual acquaintances and clients have been nothing but positive. I haven't had to hide my surgery or lie about my weight loss like a dirty secret. I guess good ol' redneck, small town, Republican eastern Idaho is a good place to live. We have better things to do than judge other people or put them down to make us feel better.

Hi Jenny, Welcome! You sound like you have a great mind set and support system in place and that is priceless. I think some people's concern comes off as unsupportive and it is really just based on a lack of knowledge. Your grandparents love you and don't want anything to happen to you, which is understandable. Best of luck throughout your pre-op. I also took the time before surgery to prepare myself and I feel I went in knowing what I needed to and being as prepared as I could. I found the boards to be of the utmost help. So many wonderful people here. Nice to have you!!

I need advice. My husband and my family are not exactly thrilled about me having this surgery. they say they are supportive...but... I hear CONSTANTLY: "well if you know you can do the post op eating regimine after surgery, just start that now and don't have the surgery" "you just have to be stronger willed and not eat as much" "just do the pre-op diet for longer. or do the post op diet now... why the rush..." "just....why cant you ..." anything they can think of to convince me that surgery is NOT the right choice. Honestly, the only 2 things that kept me from doing it earlier is the fear of family rejection and fear of post-op complications from surgery. Not the lifestyle, not the eating, not the change in everything I know. The fear of complications. And I know that's their fear too. so knowing that, how do I answer their questions? I know that logically that make sense and we should just do that. However, practically I know I cant do it, or I would have already done it. I tell them that and then I hear I just need to be better at being strong willed. I'm a week and a half away from my 6th month weight in. all my other tests and pre-op tests and evaluations will be done on the 23rd. then it gets submitted to insurance for approval. I've been doing this for 6 months with the doctors. But It took 2 years of going back and forth (in my mind) to make this decision. I am ready. more than ready, I'm excited!! Well, I WAS excited. Now I'm scared again and wondering if it worth the risk. ARG!!!

Before I began seriously researching WLS I believed the media stories about how unsafe it is and how people just regain the weight, etc. Even my PCP gave me the "weight regain" comment in trying to discourage me. But those stories are just the ones which make the news, b/c successes are not as interesting to read about somehow. Most non-obese people really think it's just a matter of willpower, and have no idea of the hormonal and genetic causes of obesity, so they think WLS is "the easy way out" as other threads have talked about, and why should we get to do it "the easy way" when they have to diet and exercise to lose their 10 extra holiday pounds? Out of all the diets I've tried, low carb worked the best for me and I stuck with it the longest and lost the most amount of weight, as well as physically felt the best on it, but I still fell off and regained it all plus 20 more. I think I will be able to use that in my post-op maintenance phase to prevent regain, but I need the feedback from the pouch and possible dumping to keep me from straying very far. I don't plan on telling very many people about the surgery. I'm separated from husband so that won't be a problem (he'd be entirely unsupportive, just as he was when I dieted) and I plan to tell my kids I'm having some stomach problems that need surgery (truth!) and they will not bother to inquire any further. At some point after losing a lot I'm sure I will let them know and others as well, but I can't deal with the comments early on and beforehand.

My mom was not in favor of me having weight loss surgery. She encouraged me to try Jenny Craig AGAIN or look at the serotonin plus diet (even offered to pay for them). Although she did not like my decision, she always supported ME 100%. She sat with my husband during surgery, came to see me each day in the hospital, and came by my house during my recovery to bring me whatever I wanted. Well, over the last few weeks, she has made some interesting comments regarding my clothing purchases. When we went shopping for my birthday I found a lot of clearance Lands End clothing at Sears that was 75-80%. I really wanted to buy some size 8's for next summer, but she said I'd never be that size, that I NEEDED to stop at 12 if I managed to get there. I was having such a pleasant day and was wearing 14-16 at the time, I just didn't want to make a big deal over it. Last weekend we went out together and I was talking about how I ordered a size 10 Lilly dress (since I now fit my size 14 one I've had for a couple of years) because it was such a great deal. She got really upset that I was continuing to spend money on clothes and said, "And how long do you think you'll be that size? Like 6 months?" insinuating that I couldn't possibly maintain a lower weight. I accused her of being unsupportive and left it at that. Yesterday I stopped by to pick something up and she decided she wanted to explain that she does support me, she's just worried that I will lose too much and start to look sickly like my anorexic aunt (one of her sisters). What?!? I weigh 174 lbs. I am at the top of the overweight bmi range. It was good we had the conversation. I think we both understand each better, but I am still just annoyed. I feel like part of her just doesn't want me to set my sights too high and fail (I've been through this before because I am so goal oriented and she worries). I just wish I could be at the end of this journey so that all of this was behind me. Oh, well...it will all be okay, just needed to get this off my chest.

He sounds like a great man and hubby It makes a huge difference having support at home. My heart breaks for those who struggle with establishing a solid support group, especially when spouses/SOs are the ones who are the unsupportive ones. I wish everyone had this!

HI, So I have been waiting 2 years for this surgery, and I keep hearing people saying having support is 1 of the most important things. But I am feeling very unsupported right now, Everyone keeps saying "why dont you try losing weight the "normal" way" ( as if I haven't been trying to lose weight every other way possible)". I dont know how I am going to do this without any help, am I going to be able to break my bad eating habits ? Am I going to be able to motivate myself? How am I going to feel when something goes wrong or I'm not feeling well, will anyone understand or try to blame the surgery.

You asked for it.... Do you know making your stomach churn to digest that food can make the stitches tear? You tear your stitches and the band can slip out of place. Your Dr gave you a diet to follow for a reason, not to punish you. No, you probably don't have any restriction. Right now it is just another diet. I'm 3mths out and do not have restriction either, so I do know what its like. But I want health right now, more than food. I work through being hungry by keeping myself occupied with other things. Today I put up a glass tile back splash in my bathroom, didn't get hungry. Most likely you haven't hurt anything yet, but to succeed, you have to follow the rules. Everyone remember, she asked for it. Not being rude or unsupportive, just telling it like it is.

Where does it say she was being unsupportive? She's frustrated by not being able to enjoy her social life because of the liquid requirements. I get it. That doesn't mean she's unsupportive. He's right it's a temporary family adjustment and she's having a bit of a hard time as he is. Don't be all Debbie downer on her Life was about going out and drinking and socializing over food. So was mine. I went out to dinner week 2 post op and been out every weekend since. I didn't stop pre op either. It's just all about the choices! I don't drink I ate Soups I ordered mashed potatoes at certain phases I ordered soft foods when needed And I even -- eegads --- went to a pizzeria several times ! I always order a side of meatballs - no pizza for me It helped that all our friends knew what I'd done so it made it really easy from that perspective. Choices folks! They're out there. Wrap your head around the choices. You don't have to give up being social. You make different choices. Now if wifey and friends push you into a beer or other bad choices. Go home.

Oh no Mizzlaw! First of all, BREATH! Let me start by saying unsupportive husband = asshole!! Sorry but that's the truth. So now that we know your own you own, let's take a step back and reassess. I had my surgery whilst going through a divorce, thankfully my soon to be x husband is still my BFF!! As of right now, how are you? How is your pain level? Did you get some gas-x or gas relief at all?? Please feel free to PM me for a private conversation. You will get through this....just go slow and take one baby step at a time. Please message me and I'll help on any way I can. Ok. It's ok, you can do this, there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others, this was a new experience for every one of us. It's totally ok to feel out of sorts.

My husband was and is still unsupportive. I had wanted WLS for years but he was very against it so I never went through with it. This time I went through all the appointments and got my surgery date before I even mentioned it to him. So instead of a discussion, I TOLD him I was having surgery on October 10th. Then we very rarely discussed it. He did not bring me to the hospital on the day of my surgery and originally was going to be out of town that day. Eventually he moved around his schedule and he was there after I got out of surgery. I knew I needed to do this for ME and I just wasn’t going to let him derail me once again! I’m only 3 weeks out (tomorrow) but I’m SO glad I did it! I wish you the best!!

I didn't mean to step on any toes. I know everyone is different and everyone deals differently. Personally, for me, I'm following what my doctor says because I trusted him enough to operate on me so I'm going to trust him enough to follow his guidelines. I was not trying to be unsupportive. I was actually saying that eating throughout the day makes sense in the clear liquid and full liquid stages, and even after that depending on your guidelines. I'm sorry if I came off differently.

I am not sure if you read this article (below) seems common to be depresses following surgery. I think is a great idea for you to follow up with your therapist. I just remember it will just get better. Many people can't imagine becoming depressed AFTER losing weight. However, depression can occur after weight loss surgery or when undergoing any time of major lifestyle change. Possible causes of depression after WLS may include: - Mourning the loss of food for comfort. If food has always been your "friend" or something you depended on when feeling sad, stressed or lonely, saying "goodbye" can be difficult. - Mourning the loss of pre-operative lifestyle. For example, feeling left out while socializing, participating in holiday rituals, or when dining in restaurants. - Reactions from others. Relationships with loved ones can change or become strained. Reactions to weight loss may be negative or jealous, or otherwise unsupportive friends/family may resort to "sabotage." Positive reactions or increased attention from others can lead to feelings of discomfort, vulnerability, or resentment. - Having unrealistic expectations. For example, thinking that everything will get better after surgery or that your emotional eating or other disordered eating habits will simply disappear. - Hormonal changes. For some women, estrogen is released while fat is burned to make energy. This release of estrogen may cause mood swings. - Body image discrepancies. After rapid weight loss, you do not recognize yourself or lose a sense of self. You may experience a loss of identity between the inner and outer you. The postoperative blues typically occur during the first few weeks or months after surgery and subside over time. However, if you find that your symptoms are worsening or are beginning to interfere with your relationships, work, or daily functioning, it is time to seek help from a medical professional. __________________

You're getting good advice in this thread. In addition, you sound extremely well informed about the surgery, grounded in your expectations as well as attuned to your own body. Recipes for success in my mind. Dont tell your parents if you think that will cause an undue amount of stress for both you and them. You're still a few months out from surgery, so you can reevaluate this strategy at various points in your journey. My advice to you at this early pre-operative stage would be to focus on your own needs. I posed the same question to this board when I was pre-op and it was recommended to me that I re-evaluate telling my parent (who I knew would freak out and be unsupportive) once I had a surgery date. Ultimately I chose not to tell and I'm pleased with that decision. I'm 10 months post op now. My chosen field (journalism) is also intellectually demanding with longgggg hours, many spent sitting and writing. But it's also personally fulfilling, I know I'm serving the greater good and not many people are cut out for performing the job at the level I've attained. What's amazing is that I made it as far as I did while morbidly obese, which I fully know was holding me back. Not only do employers inherently trust and respect me more now that I'm thinner (not saying this is right, it isn't) but I simply have more intellectual and physical energy since regaining my health. It feels like my synapses are properly firing for the first time in years. I honestly think I had fat brain in retrospect, that sometimes my thoughts were sluggish. That said, I also have experience with depression. There were times pre-op when I would cry everyday. I struggled to get out of bed and go to work in the morning. As a psychologist yourself, I don't have to tell you the importance of discussing this with your physician. What I can say is that for me the increased energy and activity levels have helped improve my mental health across the board. I went through some really difficult personal stuff over the last few months, unrelated to surgery, and the newfound mental acuity combined with therapy and medication helped keep me from slipping into a deeper state of sadness. I honestly felt better equipped to handle life's obstacles and the reason for that, I think, is the confidence that comes from knowing I have taken charge of my health in a way most people never do in heir lifetime.

Looks like it's time to find a new support system. Between this site and the support groups going on in your area... I'm sure you will have plenty. People who aren't going through this only have others pieces of info that they can relate it to. I don't think that everyone means to be unsupportive but you don't have to share your journey with anyone who is not making you feel great about making positive changes in your life. Don't forget that.

Just a little background on me first. I got the band in Dec. 2010 and so far have lost 100 lbs. since my first consult. I told NO ONE about getting Lap Band except my boyfriend (who went to all my appointments and was there at the surgery) and the lady who I first talked to about it (she had it over 2 years). It has become noticeable that I have lost a ton of weight and I often get compliments and friends want weight loss advice. I was talking to one of my friends (we've been friends since elementary and her idea of over weight is the 160 she now weighs instead of the 120 she did in high school) on the phone and she was like you have lost a lot of weight, how much more do you planning on losing (as if I had already lost enough). I said well, my ultimate goal is 160 and she asked how far I was away from that (basically just a nice way to find out how much I weighed). So, I was like let me tell back up and tell you my whole story. Then she interrupted me (I was going to tell her about my lowest weight my freshman year in college and how I'm getting close to that) and said, "Oh Lord, don't tell me you had Lap Band"! I was taken aback and said, "No, I wasn't going to tell you that, I was going to tell you about my weight loss since freshman year in college" and she was like "Oh". And that moment I realized why I hadn't told anyone about MY surgery. It is just that, my surgery! I do not need anyone's negativity, sideways comments, or unsupportiveness. If you are contemplating on telling people or not, just think before you act. In my case it was best that I didn't!

LOL, my DH is banded and darn if I dont have to manage HIS band as well as my own. I cannot understand how you can be banded without the history of a lifetime's dieting to inform you about what is healthy, how many calories every food in the modern world contains, as well as its fat grams, Protein etc. that is just basic knowledge to me, I've learned it over 40 years. So to decide I want to eat about 1200 calories, 30% protein today, I just do that, I dont have to follow a set of instructins. How do you do this without knowing what you're eating? He knows NOTHING. He just eats. He has no idea what he is putting in. He lost a bit, but not much, he's one of the ones who needs good restriction before losing. So does he make fill appointments? Never occurs to him. When I suggest it, he acts worried like he's too tight already and he wont be able to eat bread! I booked him in for his last one and he went and lo and behold the weight starts coming off. At the time I made him one for six weeks hence, and that's this Wednesday, but unfortunately he cant make that. I better make an alternative one or it'll be another six months before he thinks of it. He doesnt exercise at ALL either. He expects me to not go for my run, to wait for him to go for a long walk and then he gets home and says he's too tired, GRRRRR. So I've just stopped waiting for him, I've gone back to what suits me and suddenly I'm "unsupportive". Unsupportive? Where the F was HE when I was slogging my way through learning to run 10kms? sheesh.

You look great congratulations! And girl, be glad the unsupportive partner is gone! Time for a whole new life and getting out to meet new people! Just means that person was not the one for you....????

The ASMBS put out a position statement in 2011 that there are no Level 1 studies or evidence based reports that documented any benefit or need for a 3-18 month insurance mandated preoperative dietary weight loss program before bariatric surgery. Insurance mandated preoperative weight loss was found to be unsupported by any medical evidence and therefore inappropriate, counterproductive and potentially harmful as it resulted in unnecessary delay and interference with potentially life-saving treatment.