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Always remember the final decision is yours. Folks who think it's the "easy way out" or is unsupportive probably has more fear than knowledge about the surgery or the decision making we all have to do to even start this process. It's far from easy no matter where you are in the process. As much as we'd all love to have the love and support of everyone in our world it will never happen and there will always be nay sayers but, in the end.....when we wake up in the morning to the time we go to sleep, WE have to live with ourselves. We have to carry this shell, this burden we've been carrying for so long and the pain physically and mentally that comes with it. The decision is yours and as long as you've made it with lots of insight, research and as much knowledge as you can gain about it......then you're doing the right thing for you. You go girl and do what you know is right for you. Good luck!

I'm saddened to hear that unsupportive communication is going on anywhere in this forum. I haven't been part of it but I'm sure that it happens from time to time. I've been a member of countless numbers of online communities over the last 15 years or so and I've seen all sorts of behavior. I agree that sometimes it can get really mean and cruel. Personally I've only encountered positive warmth here at this forum, but italianlady13 gives us a good reminder that there's a human behind every screen name here, and we're all struggling with our own weight loss challenges.

Where does it say she was being unsupportive? She's frustrated by not being able to enjoy her social life because of the liquid requirements. I get it. That doesn't mean she's unsupportive. He's right it's a temporary family adjustment and she's having a bit of a hard time as he is. Don't be all Debbie downer on her Life was about going out and drinking and socializing over food. So was mine. I went out to dinner week 2 post op and been out every weekend since. I didn't stop pre op either. It's just all about the choices! I don't drink I ate Soups I ordered mashed potatoes at certain phases I ordered soft foods when needed And I even -- eegads --- went to a pizzeria several times ! I always order a side of meatballs - no pizza for me It helped that all our friends knew what I'd done so it made it really easy from that perspective. Choices folks! They're out there. Wrap your head around the choices. You don't have to give up being social. You make different choices. Now if wifey and friends push you into a beer or other bad choices. Go home.

Ok so here is my situation... I have a infection. I am 17days post op. When I went to my 1 wk apt I saw my doc partner. My incision was oozing a little at the time green and his partner who saw me said its normal and incsions can ooze for months after surgery. I told him I did not feel comfortable and maybe I should be on antibiotics,,and he told me not to worry about it. Since then its gotten much worst, I think its getting better and then its not. It is now still oozing green crap (non-smelly) and it looks like the stitches ( I was glued) I did not have (no stitches) opened up at the top. ITs about the size of a pinto bean. ITs about the width of a bean and I was telling my unsupportive (he thinks its fine) DH that i will have a crater scar when its healed. I did make another Doc apt last Wed but by then I had a scab and it seemed to be healing.. thurs the scab burst with Green puss... Thurs I called my friend who is a nurse said that Antio-biotics is a good idea and if I had any in my cabinet to take Keflex. I have done this since Thursday night and didn't see a huge difference Friday. Its now Sat and it looked ok, a scar was formed, it was wet in the middle... while dressing I lightly put a cloth over the incision so my clothing wouldn't run it and the scab got removed,,,, what do I do.,,, I feel like I cant win and I dont want my doctor to chastise me for wasting his time, or yell at me for coming sooner..., I feel as if Im not going to win no matter what I do,,, shouldnt I be improving being on antibiotics? :biggrin: thanks for your time,,,,

LOL, my DH is banded and darn if I dont have to manage HIS band as well as my own. I cannot understand how you can be banded without the history of a lifetime's dieting to inform you about what is healthy, how many calories every food in the modern world contains, as well as its fat grams, Protein etc. that is just basic knowledge to me, I've learned it over 40 years. So to decide I want to eat about 1200 calories, 30% protein today, I just do that, I dont have to follow a set of instructins. How do you do this without knowing what you're eating? He knows NOTHING. He just eats. He has no idea what he is putting in. He lost a bit, but not much, he's one of the ones who needs good restriction before losing. So does he make fill appointments? Never occurs to him. When I suggest it, he acts worried like he's too tight already and he wont be able to eat bread! I booked him in for his last one and he went and lo and behold the weight starts coming off. At the time I made him one for six weeks hence, and that's this Wednesday, but unfortunately he cant make that. I better make an alternative one or it'll be another six months before he thinks of it. He doesnt exercise at ALL either. He expects me to not go for my run, to wait for him to go for a long walk and then he gets home and says he's too tired, GRRRRR. So I've just stopped waiting for him, I've gone back to what suits me and suddenly I'm "unsupportive". Unsupportive? Where the F was HE when I was slogging my way through learning to run 10kms? sheesh.

Dealing with unsupportive family is really hard. 😢 The New Yorker in me always wants to use sarcasm but defensive tactics don't always work especially with people you love (sometimes it just alienates you further) You may have to win them over with patience & kindness. Perhaps let them express what they want to you (1 on 1 so you don't feel attacked and overwhelmed), present them with the research you've gathered, answer questions & even invite them to seminars or doctors appts. Or maybe don't address anything until after surgery when you are more confident in you decision. The choice is entirely yours. But please *try* to not let their opinions sway you in either direction. This life & body belongs to you alone and you have to make the right decisions for yourself. Good Luck and try to enjoy the (inquisition) event as much as possible❤

So far I haven't eaten a meal with someone who didn't know. An old friend came to town when I was about a month out, and prior to surgery, we would've had lunch at a wings-and-beer type of place, but I figured I needed to explain why I wasn't interested in that. Fortunately he'd gotten stinky-drunk the night before and was gonna get stinky-drunk that night too, so it was a moot point. I guess there's always the old "I'm not that hungry" if you absolutely can't tell them. I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I decided to tell people, and no one has been unsupportive.

Hello, I am scheduled for surgery 2/6/08. I am really kind of nervous/scared about afterwards. MY husband is sooo supportive of me and is going has gone to everything with me. I am not telling my family because they are very unsupportive of me. They are all fat too, but, I guess I am the best to make fun of.:think What do I tell them about my weight loss?? Should I tell them down the road?? My husbands family does not know either. I will tell them afterwords. ( my husband is 55 and his family is old school about things like this. but they will be supportive.) Is it hard to deal/accept all the changes?? I am so sorry about the long post. I just have alot of questions. Any and all insight would be swell. Thank you. :help:

Hi there, I'm new to this forum, and new to the entire lap band process I guess. I'm 23 years old, 5'5 1/2, and I weigh 261. I've always been a little "thick" but gained about 60 lbs in one year due to the Depo-Provera birth control shot. Being overweight is kind of accepted in African-American culture (as far as men go) , so at first I didn't mind, but my family is really unsupportive of my weight issue (name calling and nasty comments when I eat), and I recently found out that I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol so time for a change! I have my orientation tomorrow, and I'm really excited but a little nervous. Never had any kind of surgery before. Wish me luck!

His insecurities are louding his judgement. Simply say to him " When you are ready to express your insecurities in a healthy and mature fashion then i will be will to sit and listen". he is having a tantrum and you are not his mother, You are his wife and his job as your husband is to protect you and comfort you. Say this "As my husband, I know that you want to protect me and be my support from the evils and pains of this world but did you ever consider that the person that hurts me the most is in fact the person that wants to protect me the most" That should make him think before he puts his foot in his mouth again. if that doesnt work then you just explain to him that the decision has been made and if he wants to play the role of the unsupportive husband then you will find a group in your area that will be your security. Im here for you.

I came across this from Dave at Paleohacks.com It is good encouragement for when you are faced with negative and unsupportive people in your life. The story has some great analigies. Hey there! Today I want to share with you a fantastic story and some amazing life advice from a mentor of mine that's helped me in my journey to not only become a healthier person, but a happier & more successful one as well. And it comes in the form of a story of a trip to Alaska... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "How To Remove CRABS From Your Life" By Bedros Keuilian Several years ago while on an adventure trip to Alaska I experienced what I can only call one of life's greatest lessons. Like all great lessons in life, it came unexpected and it came to me exactly at the time when I needed it the most. While taking a walk along the shoreline in Ketchikan, Alaska I noticed several crab fisherman casting their nets, waiting a few moments, and the pulling in couple crabs at a time. One fisherman had a bucketful of five or six crabs in it. It was probably one of those five gallon paint buckets that you'd find at the local Home Depot. There was several inches of Water at the bottom of the bucket and these crabs - some the size of my palm, and others the size of Shaquille O'neal's. As I stood there watching how this crab fisherman went about his trade I noticed that one of his crabs from the bucket was climbing on top of the rest. I couldn't really make out exactly what the crab was up to just yet, but I could tell this one was the more ambitious crabs of the bunch. But I soon figured out exactly what he was up to. This little ambitious crab was attempting to make a getaway! He was climbing on top of the others to gain height, then he slowly extend him front legs upward toward the lip of the bucket to pull himself up. HOLY COW!... this little guy was trying to make a break for it. FREEDOM! More out of curiosity than anything else I asked the crab fisherman if he was aware that this crab was about to hoist himself up and over the edge of the bucket. He calmly said; "watch what happens." As this ambitious crab started pulling himself up to get over the edge of the bucket, all of the other crabs reached up, grabbed his hind legs and pulled him down to the bottom of the bucket. LIFE LESSON! I instantly realized that I had made one of the dumbest mistakes of my life. Earlier that year I had figured out that a few of the people in my life were negative minded individuals who always found a way to squash my dreams each time I'd share it with them. Yet I continued to hang out with them, I kept them in my circle of influence, and shared my most lofty goals with them - only to have my ambitions squashed by their negativity, doubt, and scarcity mindedness. I wanted so badly to soar with the eagles, yet I was hanging out with turkeys. I suppose it was just comfortable to be around the people I knew, even if they did stunt my personal and professional growth, rather than to find a new circle of influence who would support me, challenge me, and encourage me to achieve and surpass my goals. Fear of the unknown stopped me from achieving my dreams sooner. But things changed for me after that day in Ketchikan, Alaska. When I got back home I committed to creating my "bubble" and cutting out all of the crabs and turkeys in my life. I become the gatekeeper of my bubble. I chose who got in and who got kicked out. It wasn't easy to do, but I cut ties with the crabs in my life. No more crabs, no more turkeys... ONLY eagles are allowed into my bubble these days. We've all heard the saying... you are the average of the five people who you surround yourself with the most. But you can also say it this way; your head space, your personal development, your attitude, your contribution to society, your personal and spiritual growth in life are all an average of the five people that you surround yourself the most. If the people in your circle of influence are crabs, energy vampires, and low tone then that's the effect that they're going to have on your life. If the people in your circle are positive, encourage you, support you, inspire you, then there is absolutely no limits on what you can achieve - really. That's what I want for you. You're an eagle, but you'll never soar as high as you can if you hang around with turkeys and crabs. Put yourself around the people who will support, encourage and challenge you to get to your goals. ------------------------------------------------------------------ I NEVER had more opposition in my life than when I became an entrepreneur, switched to Paleo, and started taking care of my health. It quickly became very clear to me who were REALLY my friends and supporters, and who just wanted me to stay the same -- so that THEY could be comfortable with their own failings and insecurities. You better believe those people are no longer a part of my life. And I am a MUCH better, happier, less-stressed person for it. And if you have people like that in your life, that are draining you, holding you back, then one of the most important things you can do is remove them - immediately. This life is not a test run - there are no redos. Every second you spend wasted with negative people is one that you will NEVER get back. Remember that! And think about replacing those negative people with ones who actually inspire and support you -- starting TODAY. Talk soon, Dave

My friend was initially unsupportive and concerned that I chose to go to Mexico. I told him to be supportive or shut up (yes, I was that blunt). After that he was much better, and his support was important for me after surgery when I was in a lot of pain.

Just a little background on me first. I got the band in Dec. 2010 and so far have lost 100 lbs. since my first consult. I told NO ONE about getting Lap Band except my boyfriend (who went to all my appointments and was there at the surgery) and the lady who I first talked to about it (she had it over 2 years). It has become noticeable that I have lost a ton of weight and I often get compliments and friends want weight loss advice. I was talking to one of my friends (we've been friends since elementary and her idea of over weight is the 160 she now weighs instead of the 120 she did in high school) on the phone and she was like you have lost a lot of weight, how much more do you planning on losing (as if I had already lost enough). I said well, my ultimate goal is 160 and she asked how far I was away from that (basically just a nice way to find out how much I weighed). So, I was like let me tell back up and tell you my whole story. Then she interrupted me (I was going to tell her about my lowest weight my freshman year in college and how I'm getting close to that) and said, "Oh Lord, don't tell me you had Lap Band"! I was taken aback and said, "No, I wasn't going to tell you that, I was going to tell you about my weight loss since freshman year in college" and she was like "Oh". And that moment I realized why I hadn't told anyone about MY surgery. It is just that, my surgery! I do not need anyone's negativity, sideways comments, or unsupportiveness. If you are contemplating on telling people or not, just think before you act. In my case it was best that I didn't!

So many posts here, about unsupportive significant others. Just watched My 600 lb. life. Zsalynn is doing great. She went for weight training with a trainer. Her SO said if you want to break a sweat grab the vacuum cleaner. I wanted to go through the tv. She is trying so hard, and her young child (and his), yells why did you marry him mommy!? Zsalynn said because I wouldn't have you. I have made terrible choices in my life, I guess this is why it bothers me so. Sort of like the first husband of 20 years dropping me at the hospital to have two different surgeries. He is history but I still wonder why I settled for such crap. The first surgery was a kidney stone when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, and nearly died. Please, strong women, never ever let a man treat you like this.

This is awful to read. I agree they are not just being unsupportive they are trying to sabatage. I prepared mentally for much worse than what I ever experienced. I never did have that "what have I done moment". I feel blessed for that. On the plus side you are 3 weeks out and everything is downhill from here. Without prying too much is your disability weight related? Just seeing the health benefits in the coming month your entire outlook on life is going to improve.

Well, if you go by the actual description of this website: Not a support site, but rather a site for discussion. Or if you prefer the official app description: Again, not merely for support. So why am I here? For information. Whether it be gathering or disseminating. Now, as a Type 2 diabetic myself and someone who has insulin dependent family members who I have seen with glucose levels in the 600's, the very first question any doctor will ask is, "What are you eating?" It doesn't have to be because of sweets; simple cabs like bread, potatoes, and fruit can drive glucose levels into dangerous territory. Just because I don't come across all warm and fluffy doesn't mean I am being a jerk nor does it make me unsupportive. But you talking to someone that you have no direct interaction with in the way that you did makes you appear self righteous. If you don't like my posts, put me on ignore. It makes no difference to me.

Oh no Mizzlaw! First of all, BREATH! Let me start by saying unsupportive husband = asshole!! Sorry but that's the truth. So now that we know your own you own, let's take a step back and reassess. I had my surgery whilst going through a divorce, thankfully my soon to be x husband is still my BFF!! As of right now, how are you? How is your pain level? Did you get some gas-x or gas relief at all?? Please feel free to PM me for a private conversation. You will get through this....just go slow and take one baby step at a time. Please message me and I'll help on any way I can. Ok. It's ok, you can do this, there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others, this was a new experience for every one of us. It's totally ok to feel out of sorts.

Hi All: Three nights in hospital, when I expected one or two. Lots of pain in stomach after swallowing. It is better now, and I am finally home! I am stressed out because work is being unsupportive, wondering why I didn't get this and that done before I left on leave. I am in the "what the hell have I done?" phase. Luanne Carlsbad, CA

I'm at a total loss. I don't even know if I'm posting this to the right place, but I'm hoping some of you might be able to help. I've been researching non-stop for the last 3 days, I haven't eaten, and I have barely gotten any decent sleep. My fiancé wants to get the gastric sleeve WLS. I'm literally sick with worry about it. I don't do well with change at all and that's the main problem. My fiancé isn't hideously overweight but he is enough to qualify for this surgery. For a long time he pursued it with only rejection. So to be honest I never actually thought we would get the call from the VA saying they'd cover it, but we did. He just had his pre-op appointment where he met with the surgeon, and we are supposed to get a call tomorrow to schedule the surgery and another meeting with the doctor because he wants to see why I'm not on board with this surgery. I love my fiancé and I care about him very much, but No matter how hard I try, I can't get myself to cope with this. I'm scared he will change and I won't like the new him. A lot of this stems from a childhood trauma I had as well. I know once he gets prepped for surgery, rolled back, and even in recovery I will not be able to handle it. I'm going to be a total wreck. I don't want to see him in pain when there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to see him struggle to keep a cup of Soup down in the weeks to follow. I'm really at my wits end with this. He won't get the surgery if I'm not on board, which isn't fair to him, but at the same time I know I'm far from okay with it. We are literally at a stalemate, if he doesn't get it because I can't handle it then we are both unhappy because he's wanted this so long and I'd hate myself for ruining it for him and I know he'd resent me as well. But if he does get it then I'm afraid I won't be able to even bear to look at him, it'd be too painful to watch him be so vulnerable. I just can't do this. And I feel absolutely awful. If he does end up getting the surgery I'm convinced I won't see him as the happy healthy guy he'll be in a year, but I'll see him as the pained sedated patient lying in return hospital bed.

morning! (It's 7:30am Sunday morning in KCK!!) as far as no support from the hubs...I was there. My hubs was NOT supportive at all.......until it gets closer to being a reality. He kept telling me..."just quit eating, and go to the gym". DUH!! As we all know, our issues are a little deeper than something as simple as that, and this tool can help us lengthen our lifespan, as well as improve our mobility. Some people just don't realize how difficult it can be to not be able to clip your own toenails, or tie your shoes, or (other things I won't bring up) Anyway........my hubs is now my BIGGEST cheerleader! He is researching recipes and trying them out (he recently retired, and has some time on is hands). He got rid of all the breads, white flour, sugary items. He is making plans for after my surgery. He's helping me find yummy Protein powders, he got me Popsicle molds so we can make protein Popsicles once I am home from surgery. He will be waiting for me everyday after work so we can go directly to the gym (or the park if the weather is nice) and walk or ride bikes. He did the research on his own once he determined I wasn't going to change my mind and quit. So, my advice to anyone who's significant other is unsupportive.......ignore them. Continue on your path to good health, and if they truly love you, they'll hop on your bandwagon. (Those are just my thoughts this early Sunday morning). Take care everyone. Sherrie

I'm 25 and told my immediate family and told them it was okay to tell people. My mom is very close with my grandmother, and my grandmother is a chatterbox. As soon as my mom told her, my entire family knew. Like one day after she told her, I was getting messages from my cousins about it. Everyone has been really supportive. I haven't heard/seen everyone in my extended family yet, but I have a feeling they will all be happy for me. The classmates I have told in school all seem really happy for me. I just told another one of them the other day and he said that he knew I had lost a lot but wasn't sure if he should say anything - but that he was really happy for me. That was nice to hear. The only person that hasn't seemed as supportive is one teacher. I hadn't originally planned on telling her, just wanted to make her aware that I am 7 weeks post op from a GI surgery and she asked what and I told her and it was hard to gauge her reaction since I don't really know her. Either way, now she knows in case of emergency, so whatever. Oh, now that I think about it one of my friends was very unsupportive pre-op. I told him that I was doing it for my health and I appreciated his input, but that I would still be going through with it. And post-op I can tell you for sure anyone who says it's the easy way out (I got that a couple times) has NO clue what it's like =p I think it's easier to let it get through the grapevine than tell everyone up front - that way they know and if it comes up it does and if not then it doesn't really matter. I'm glad I told people, because eventually they will notice anyway and this way I've already dealt with the question of how I lost it. If they don't like it or disagree, that's fine,

Congratulations!! I just started my pre-op diet today!! I was in the same boat regarding second thoughts because of unsupportive people in my life. But, like you, I had to remind myself that this was for *me* and *my* future! Regarding the unflavored protein, I plan on adding it to unsweetened jello for non-alcoholic jello shots. I'm also going to be making bone broth this weekend, so I'll add some to that as well. Or store bought veggie organic broth?

Hello everyone! I have struggled with weight my entire life........well a girl I know got the sleeve about a month ago and she has seen so much progress......soooo I went visit a surgeon in my area.....I LOVE HIM!!!!!.......he feels that the sleeve is a good fit for me.......but I mentioned it to my family and they are so against it.......they fill my head with horror stories......like u will experience malnutrition, it will make you so sick, it ages you, your hair falls out, you throw up everyday, your bones get brittle and will break, and you will die! It scares me so much and I hate that they don't support me........my family is my everything .......I really need help! Should I get the surgery? Are all of these things true that my family is telling me about? I'm 23 healthy besides my weight but I am so sick and tired of being obesed .......please help

Thanks, that wasn't opinion, it's a fact. I personally know of a well respected pharm that was closed due largely in part to the effects of Obamacare, but good for you for defending it. I am not one to spew unsupported opinions. I also know several people who have to use Obamacare due to employers not offering insurance, and ALL of them (even the obama supporters) say it is crap insurance. Maybe it needs time to iron out the defects. Personally, I wouldn't purchase it, defects or no defects. I am blessed with amazing insurance. Healthcare cost is ridiculous in and of itself.

Thank you both SO much for your responses. It helps me feel more settled about waiting to tell people. I can so relate to the " I have tried everything and if this fails ..." . I think there are so many of us who have failed repeatedly and even though there are tons of sucessed here I think I am going to be that ONE. I have a Mom who is very unsupportive in a supportive way. You know the type who sounds like she wants you to succeed but is really glad when you don't and can tell you so. I think I am going to be sticking around here where I get REAL support. THANKS A TON!!