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I have thought about WLS for several years, I have been overweight as far back as I can remember. The last time I saw a number on the scale under 200 was in 2001 or so, and even before that I was still overweight. I am now 260, and my bmi is 39.5. I have tried it all, Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, Eat to Live, vegan eating... nothing works long term and I just can't keep the weight off at all. I just have no real stop mechanism and overeat constantly. :shades_smile: I kept hearing about the lapband a lot recently (someone my mom knows had it done and we ran into her a week or two ago, heard about it on Dr. Radio, etc) and it made me again look into info on the web. I realized I am obese, almost in the morbid category and it terrifies me. I also went on CPAP in Oct 2007 and I am sure Wed when I see the sleep dr I need another study due to putting on more weight (following another diet that failed, ugh). I feel like the band is so much safer than gastric bypass, and with two little girls (1.5 and 5) I definitely want to be careful and do what has the least risk. So I've thought aboiut it a lot. My mom went with me to a seminar last Thursday night. On the way she said she would support me either way I chose to go. My husband thinks I just need more willpower. He has only 50lbs to lose, I have like 90, so I just don't want to hear that at all LOL. He can excercise and eat well and it will fall off. I just can't get mine off. Anyway, he said he would keep the kids so I coiuld go (my mom could have but oh well... anyway). I came home from the seminar a bit scared and confused but as I've read through the information, and weighed pros and cons I really think the combination of the band plus us joining a gym will be the way I can finally do this. He doesn't agree. He thinks it's "the easy way" and that I just need to learn how to eat better and go excercise. :thumbs_up: I have arthritis, so excercise doesn't come easy, and losing the big amt of weight in the first month banded will go a long way to helping me be able to move more. I guess I am just wanting someone to understand and support me better as I go through this. My mom keeps saying "you know he said you can defeat the band or the bypass, he said how people get around it and then they don't lose" then she says "I think you need to do weight watchers before this, but that is just MY opinion" in a snotty tone. :thumbup::teeth_smile: I told her "so the last 4 times I already did WW really worked so I might as well try again, huh?" :biggrin: I cannot do the surgery if ins doesn'ty pay so there is still a chance I won't even do it... but I want to be evaluated... thing is I need THEIR support and help with my kids during recovery... ughhh... anyway, sorry for writing a book, I am just tired of it. My mom found the last pg of my dr forms that had my diet history and her comment was "see, this shows you CAN do it yourself" I said "oh really, look at me this is the biggest I have EVER been, so apparently not!!" :laugh::thumbs_up: ending this now... sorry again for the book!

LOL Suzie! I like that. I found this in the lounge area, in case you girls don't go there I had to repost it for you-- Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. ------------------------------- DEAR DESPERATE, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7 -Tech Support

INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. DEAR DESPERATE, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7 Good Luck Babe! Tech Support

I guess I can't say too much about keeping it quiet, I have told everyone I know that I am getting banded. I am so excited I can't help it! I noticed your sign on is 'M&NsMAMA', so I know you are a mom like me. Just let me say, you are doing this to get healthy for yourself, but you are probably doing it for your kids, too. You know it is important to lose the weight and like the rest of us have tried many other ways but need some help and the band is it. If these people truly care about you, they will support you and get over petty jealousy and selfishness. I don't know if I am just oblivious or else no one has been unsupportive to my face, but I don't care, I need to improve my health and I know that this is a tool to help me do that. So, stepping down from my soapbox, I will say: Your husband supports you and all of your online friends support you and I bet your best friend will wake up and support you too! Best wishes and keep in touch, CJ

It makes me very sad when I read that some of the most unsupportive and rudest comments have come from this site. I try to be very careful about how I word things so as not to offend anyone...sometimes the written word is hard to interpret. I think some of it (just like in the real world) is jealousy. I think other people just don't know how to say things in a constructive, tactful way. For others, I think it's just the fact that they have anonymity and feel bolder than they would if they were standing right in front of you.

In the beginning I had planned on only telling immediate family. But word got around and now my entire familyand my husbands family all know. I ended up telling people at work too. I have no regrets, there was a lot of curiosity in the beginning but once I explained it to everyone it wasn't so bad. I work with a pretty good group of people who are mature enough not to hound me or judge me. My advice would be to definitely tell your close family, they need to know that you are going to have surgery and it will be easier if they understand that you will be eating differently. If you have family, friends, co-workers that you feel would be judgemental or unsupportive, I would hold off on letting them in on it...you do not need any negativity.

My dad's side of the family knows NOTHING. They are the same ones that told me last year, "Your hair looks so good...you are so pretty...Just stop eating!" They are the horrible, nightmarishly unsupportive family you hear stories about! Yup, their mine! :thumbup: My dad is supportive, but his WIFE, his MOTHER and his other DAUGHTER think I've gotten this way by Sin and Sloth and will never let me forget that. I don't want to even imagine how they would deal with be getting the surgery....I am really, really, REALLY comfortable with just telling them I'm back on Weight Watchers again. It's not like the pay enough attention to know otherwise. As for the rest of my friends and family, I'm being selective with who I tell because I tend to attract really negative energies or something and have a lot of friends with hang ups. My mother, boyfriend and few good friends already know and are being updated all the time on my approval status. I hope anyone else with families like this feel better after reading this, learning there are other like you and your families - are you guys out there? Or am I the only one? LOL Thanks for listening

Glad to hear he will help you. My problem is unsupportive ( is that a word?) sons. But like you, one surprised me and will take me back and forth from surgery. Good luck and don't let anyone tell you you cant do this.

So, many of you know my dilemma with my unsupportive husband. Well, he told me last night that he took off work (gasp!) Monday and Tuesday to take me and pick me up from my surgery!! Miracles do happen!!! He is not happy about it and that is fine with me, it just shows that he does not want me to go it alone and I am shocked. Monday is 2 days away! Wish me luck, I'll keep you updated!

Congratulations August Bandsters I was banded August 2007, just want to say a huge WOOO HOOO to all the August 2008 bandsters. You are in for a wild and wonderful ride, you are going to do things you never thought possible, and you are going to feel so honoured to know the person you will become. Some of you will be saying goodbye to medications, some of you will be saying goodbye to unsupportive friends, most of you will come to embrace and yes even love exercise, all of you will get more renewed energy and hope with every pound and every inch that you lose. The first time someone says, "you need a small right" when you are in clothing store, you will be smiling so wide that you think your lips are ripping. Congratulations on having the courage to change your lives !

I know exactly how you feel!! I told my parents and sister. My sister did not say anything, so I know she didn't like it. My dad told me it didn't work for so and so and therefore it won't work for me. My mom at first was unsupportive and said that I haven't ever REALLY TRIED to lose the weight so how could this work. That was a few months ago when I was still thinking of it and researching it. I just told my mom I made my consult appt. and she was very supportive?! I haven't told my dad or sister or anyone else. I have my mind dead set on doing this and I'm at the point that if they want to be negative, I just simply don't want to hear it. They don't have to like it but they need to support me if they love me. I just remember that this is the first thing that I am doing for ME! I want this for ME, not for them and they need to respect this decision.

Curves: It's so good that your husband is so supportive. :biggrin: I told my husband only once I was approved and my first date was set. I can't say that he was unsupportive, but all he can talk about is how much money it will cost, and he wants to throw up to me about all the other times I have lost weight and gained it back. :scared2: My son has explained to him how it is for my health and for better quallity of life. DH does not like doctors or hospitals, so he can't understand me going for this elective surgery no matter what we say to him. I will not let him change my mind.

If I get approved for surgery (keep your fingers crossed), then my husband and my close friends will know. I will not tell my family as they are very unsupportive. They think all this is MY fault and that surgery is an easy way out because "If you really tried, you could do it yourself." Ugh! So, they won't know! We don't live in the same state so it makes it easier.

I would tell him now. You share your lives together and this is no small secret. You may really hurt his feelings and damage the trust factor in your relationship if you don't share such a life altering decision with him. It is also a stressful time for you as well. It would probably make it easier for you if you could share this with someone close to you. As far as the added drama and stress is concerned, do you think he would tell you not to go forward with the surgery? Are you afraid that he would be unsupportive? Maybe the key might be to find the best way to cover the subject with him in a way that he might be more open to. You could probably feel around for a good path that might minimize his discomfort with the situation.

While I think it is important to be open about the surgery to some, I think it is equally important for it to be a private journey. I have learned through my experience getting the band; its wonderful when your friends and family are supportive. But on the other hand---I told all of my extended family--and I have a big family--aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.--now when I go to see them I feel self-consciious bc everyone is looking me up and down to see how much weight I have lost. And sometimes I feel like if they do say soemthing--e.g., "you look great"--they are saying it only bc they feel obligated to SAY something!! It is a bit frustrating.... My advice to you is--if you get the idea that a friend or family member might be unsupportive---don't tell. And as for your unsupportive friends that you have already told, just stop discussing it with them. It is your decision. They most likely will NOT see your point of view---untill they see you after surgery when you have done well, of course :party:

It breaks my heart to read so many threads about the awful things people have said to so many fellow bandsters. There are so many unsupportive and misinformed people out there who are raining on people's parades. I was so fortunate to have super supportive people around me when I announced my desire for the surgery and later when I actually had it done. I thought this could be a place where we could share all of the wonderful and positive things that are happening in our lives. I'll start . . . but I'd love to hear yours . . . - I went on vacation and lost 3 pounds instead of gaining 10. - I'm down 2 whole pant sizes. - I have more energy. - I'm happier. - I'm not a slave to Diet Coke or the drive-thru anymore. - I exercise. - I went to lunch with a group of ladies and ate the least out of everyone (never would have happened before). - I am starting to like my body. Can I just say that I L-O-V-E my band???!!!!????!!!!!! If I can do this, so can ANYONE. What are your positives right now???

To Littlefroggy & all ~ I got my lapband last August (2007) & have lost almost 50 lbs although before the surgery the few people I told were sceptical & unsupportive -now the proof is in my figure!! It's a slow loss but a continuous loss and I am so grateful that I made the decision to get my band. It has really changed my life!! I tried every diet on earth & nothing worked plus maintaining even a 2 pound loss was utter hell!!! Now I simply loose without counting calories etc...Everything is portion controlled & I can enjoy life like I was always supposed to!!! Yes, there can be issues but you need to stay in contact with your doctor because everyone looses differently but ultimately you will loose & you will maintain & I can't stress how much happier you will be!!! You know when you have to make a decision for yourself for the positive & weather other peope agree is none of their business~ do this for yourself!!! Everyone wants to just take a magic pill & be skinny but in reality the first step is supporting your own decision and staying ture to your own goal by looking at your past & then getting all the facts to support a positive decsion for the future. You wont' be sorry believe me and a years from now I doubt any of those people will have anything but compliments to say to you..

Hey Jamie, I am so sorry you are having it rough. We were banded on the same day. I have gone through some rough Patches, but if you have a support group...go to it. I don't go to a support group, but I do use this website. I visit it daily. BTW, you are not rambling on...this is real...you are experiencing some real life issues and this is HARD! Yesterday, I had my worst lap-band experience...no nothing got stuck...I did not PB. Simply, I went to a party and stuffed myself slowly...cheetos, potato chips, almonds, crackers with spinach dip, a hotdog with its bun, I kept getting up and doing this...I knew exactly what I was doing...I was behaving like pre-lap band...I gorged and grazed. I felt so uncomfortable, and while I was doing it, I kept asking myself WTF...but I couldn't stop...but today is a new day, I would like to beat myself up over it, but I know it is counter-productive. Also, it really sucks to have an unsupportive roomie... Keep on fighting...my goal is to be a success...you read on here about the struggles...and I want to be one of those who makes it to goal or pretty damn close... Good Luck

hi, i'm usually an 'open book' so i've been telling anyone who asks and i did tell my immediate family members before hand so they knew why i was at the hospital. the only negative response i had was from my sister and i think that was more out of fear that something would happen to me during surgery. she felt bad that i thought this was the only option left for me - i really did feel that way and still do even post-banding. but she was supportive as heck thru my post surgery recovery (can always count on her!) but now she doesn't ask about it - at all. doesn't care if i've lost weight. i'm not sure why but i don't push it. other than that, i think it's been a positive experience talking with people about it! i think people with negative comments or reactions have their own issues they are dealing with and just can't be supportive for their own reasons. i would not try to justify myself, just let it drop and let them think what they will. i'm really sorry to hear about the unsupportive husband. i have been lucky - mine has been an ANGEL and incredibly supportive. this whole process would have been so much harder without his support - tho i would have done it anyway! it had to be done. i have to do this. it's a very personal decision 'to share or not to share' and whatever works for you is best.

i also wonder about who i will be after this. I have spent the past twenty years being a "big sexy" girl. i met a man who adores me as just that. i try every day to get past this and hope that he will love me when i am just "sexy" without that other word. i hate to admit it but there were times when i would get motivated, diet, workout and lose weight then he would sabotage me & tell me how beautiful i was as i am so i would stop and continue to jeapordize my health & life because HE loved it! i have stated MANY times that he is unsupportive of my decision & i know not whether he will be around when my transformation is complete. i suppose i need to make a MENTAL transformation first. at any rate, whatever happens, BOTH you & i will still be the same people---with better health & flatter bellies! good luck to you!

Just to be a little sympathetic for the guy. Please don't hate me for not getting your side, I get it, but look at things from his point of view. First, he loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. He's scared to death the the LOVE OF HIS LIFE might die having a surgery. He probably thinks you don't need it because you are beautiful and perfect just as you are. I doubt he has the words to tell you that with out sounding completely unsupportive so he's not saying anything at all. Or what he did say was "you're not going at this alone". So looking at that statement, do you think he's thinking about it? He thinking that by taking you to surgery, that by not presenting roadblocks that he is doing the best that he can do? I dare say even if I am off the mark, please allow him to take you to surgery. If, god forbid, something happens to you, you need to be together. He is your partner. He loves you.

i think its wonderful that the two of you are gonna do this together! i was banded & asked my unsupportive significant other to do so with me so that we can have a healthy future & a longer life together- he declined!!! enjoy your journey together. can't wait to see pics of that baby!!! good luck---

I thought about this a while. It reminds me a lot of my ten year struggle with infertility, the terrible times I had with side effects to fertility drugs, pregnancy losses, ectopic pregancies, an adoption from foster care and an adoption from an overseas orphanage. People are so incredibly stupid with what they think is well-meaning advice which turns out being well, Mean Advice. ( The advice about changing doctors is well-taken, there are some battles not worth fighting, and I still consider it a good option). I would seldom tell people my infertility woes who were considering treatment because I would never take away their hope at treatment and their only chance to have a child. There are risks to treatments and there are risks to adoption. I think it's important to tell people risks but let up on all the horror stories. THe same thing with lap band. I know there are risks but spare me the horror stories. It probably won't happen to me and it may be my only option at a healthier life. IF something goes wrong, I'll deal with. I'm a survivor and I certainly know how to evaluate the risks and make my own decisions. I don't want to be treated like a child or stupid person. I've heard so many stupid tips on getting pregnant and losing weight. Really dumb stuff. People who have it easy seldom understand us who don't. It wasn't easy raising my children, but my husband and I did it. Our son is attending college (the orphan baby people warned us not to adopt), and our daughter from foster care is raising her red-headed twins. Things turned out successfully. I am a competent person so why wouldn't the lap band turn out favorably? I'm successful, I just happen to be too fat. Being overweight can be solved, but maybe stupidity and ignorance can't. I called my surgeon's office and after talking to his staff, I decided I can face the family doctor's staff. I will educate the ill-informed dietician and social worker at the family doctor's clinic. I am tough and I can do this. Life is always stranger than fiction. Due to budget cuts, some of the doctor's staff has been cut. Guess who got laid off? The unsupportive staff. Ha! Ha! The roadblocks are out of my way and I believe I can work directly with the doctor. He's pretty reasonable. I'm going to a fitness center today and start a new program with a different dietician and personal trainer. I got a lucky break! Wish me luck!

My Dad doesnt know yet and my Mom is totally unsupportive. She says you lost 80 lbs on Nutrisystem last year and put it all back on. What about this?? 10 years from now you say the band will probably fail by then per stats, are you going to have to get these fills for the rest of your life? My mom has to force herself to eat and weighs less than 100 lbs. My Dad got down to 136 lbs, he couldnt force himself to eat and we had to put him on a feeding tube. Both have prided themselves on being so thin and make really awful comments about fat people. If I say anything she says "cant I have an opinion?" I have a slow sister I told her tonight was discussing someone at the Center and making comments about their weight (who weighed less than I do). I told my mom and instead of recognizing that this is wrong, she launched into how upset she is my sister put on 15 lbs. My 5 7 sister is all of 130 lbs or so. My support system is nil. I have no one to lean on who understands. My mom says why not just do nutrisystem again? Last time my Dad almost died twice and I had to feed my sister and was dropping in at fast food places and at the rehab where I couldnt eat right and then I broke my shoulder. She says today, well you just admitted you put on the weight when things got stressfull, Im just not convinced this is needed. Someone who doesnt care about food or like it cant understand someone like me who loves to eat and long term facing tempations. Iv yo yo'ed so many times my skin is all stretched out and I already know I will never look good again, even if I lose the weight and keep it off. But I still need to lose the weight or its going to kill me. I wouldnt know what to do with a supportive family.

are u sure she was not a christin scientist? jw's are not against surgery, they believe in drs, some even are drs. i know this cuz my mom is one & has been my whole life. it is strange that she asked u any of those questions, she was being a bit nosy & forward! i can see if u were @ an abortion clinic or something her suggestive remark but otherwise i agree that she was out of line. ignore the remarks of naysayers, unsupportive people, & ESPECIALLY people who know NOTHING about you or your situation!!! ---for the record, even if you were @ an abortion clinic or some place like that NO ONE has the right to force thier own opinion on you & i do not want you to thinjk in any way that i am defending the actions of this lady!