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So I decided to drop a friend who literally told me I was "taking the easy way out" if I got this surgery and all the months leading up to it would say I was "pathetic" and "lazy" just threw a slew of disgusting insults my way which made me feel shitty Little back story: I'm 22 and struggled with my weight my whole life (due to PCOS and other medical things) from 13-19 years old I suffered anorexia and got down to 80 something pounds (I was literally on my death bed)so right when I graduated high school for an entire year after I was inpatient in the hospital and recovering from the anorexia when I got out I guess I just couldn't stop gaining weight? (PCOS, hereditary etc)It started triggering me a lot and I would try everything to lose weight! I'm a vegetarian I work with dogs running around all day with them constantly moving very active job so you can imagine my frustration so I decided to go this route and I'm 3 weeks out and 25 pounds down and I'm doing very well this is kinda going all over the place lol sorry to whoever reads this Anywhoooo my "friend" would just put me down constantly and they knew me during my anorexic days they knew me during the recovery days they saw how much I struggled with weight gain and loss and still had the audacity to say if I went through with this procedure I was taking the "easy way out" and they'd "never be able to look at me the same" so a couple days before my surgery I dropped them and I gotta say I don't miss them at all if anything this surgery is HARDER than doing it on your own it's a fucking surgery for fucks sake #1 and #2 there is no going back you gotta learn new ways to eat you gotta take vitamins and minerals you gotta make sure you get a certain amount of protein everyday this is by no means "easy" and it still fuckin annoys me that people have the audacity to say some dumb shit like that Sorry this went like all over the place I'm just annoyed at the moment and I had to vent about it

Hi Denise, Im not banded yet but expecting to be here soon. I just wanted to jump in and comment on the hormone replacement - that is one of the side effects of HRT or BCP's (birth control pills), weight gain that is. That's one reason why I stopped them (among many others). You can look into natural methods for replacing hormones that dont have side effects just in case that's the issue. Dr John Lee has some great books on the subject. Hang in there

Published by Jampolis (2004). A 51 year old patient complained of a 15 lb weight gain over the last year despite beginning a strenuous triathlon and marathon training program (2 hours per day, 5-6 days per week). A 3 day diet analysis estimated a daily intake of only 1000-1200 Calories. An indirect calorimetry revealed a resting metabolic rate of 950 Calories (28% below predicted for age, height, weight, and gender). After medications and medical conditions such as hypothyroidism and diabetes where ruled out, the final diagnosis was over-training and undereating. The following treatment was recommended: Increase daily dietary intake by approximately 100 Calories per week to a goal of 1500 calories 32% protein; 35% carbohydrates; 33% fat Consume 5-6 small meals per day Small amounts of Protein with each meal or snack Choose high Fiber starches Select mono- and poly- unsaturated fats Restrict consumption of starch with evening meals unless focused around training Take daily multi-Vitamin and mineral supplement Perform whole body isometric resistance training 2 times per week After 6 weeks the patient's resting metabolism increased 35% to 1282 Calories per day (only 2% below predicted). The patient also decreases percent fat from 37% to 34%, a loss of 5 lbs of body fat. Jampolis MB (2004) Weight Gain - Marathon Runner / Triathlete. Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, 36(5) S148 the adrenal glands secrete the hormone cortisol as a reaction to stress, and excess cortisol leads to weight gain, especially in the abdomen area, along with sleep disturbances, mood swings, irritability, loss of memory and poor digestion. Elevated cortisol also aggravates sugar distribution, which contributes to development of high insulin levels and ultimately diabetes. When the adrenal glands pass the point of stress they go into exhaustion, which creates physically damaging conditions like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, arthritis, hormonal problems, inflammation and heart attack, just to mention a few. Estrogen dominance is another fairly common factor that contributes to inability to lose weight; we eat meats, eggs and dairy products that have been treated with synthetic hormones. Estrogens create Water retention and fat deposits; in time of pregnancy, estrogens are vital in protecting the fetus, but elevated estrogens otherwise create havoc for our endocrine and digestive systems. Weight Control Most athletes are concerned about their body weight. Many sports place heavy emphasis on maintaining specific body weights for competition. It is important to understand that weight control is influenced by more than just calories in verses calories out. When setting a healthy target weight, one needs to consider many factors, including; height, activity level, diet, sex, genetics, and daily energy needs. There is no specific “ideal weight” that can be assigned to one individual. The goal weight should be realistic and healthy for the athlete. Factors that influence calorie-burning rate Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR): Level of energy needed to keep involuntary body processes: pumping heart, breathing, generating body heat, perspiring. The higher this rate, the more likely one is to lose or maintain a healthy body weight. Age: BMR declines with age. Changes in hormones and body composition slow down the BMR. In fact, the BMR declines 2% per decade after age 20. NOTE: physical activity can help keep BMR high. Genetics: Genetics also influence differences in BMR. Some individuals genetically inherit higher metabolisms then others. Body Composition: Muscular, lean bodies have higher BMR’s than soft, rounded bodies with fat tissue. Ounce for ounce, muscle burns more energy than body fat. Therefore, the greater proportion muscle to fat, the more calories needed to maintain weight. Height: A tall, thin body has more surface area than a short body. Therefore, the taller individual will have a higher BMR in order to maintain normal body temperatures. Gender: Males typically have less fat and 10-20% more muscle than women, and therefore typically have higher BMR’s than women. Temperature: Extreme hot or cold temperatures also raise the BMR. The body has increased energy needs for regulation of body temperature. Physical Activity: Depending on length and intensity of workout, physical activity can increase BMR for several hours afterward. Caloric Intake: Severe caloric restrictions can slow down the rate in which the body burns energy from food. The body’s metabolism slows down to accommodate for lower caloric intake. This is the reason why one can actually gain body fat on a diet of 1200 calories per day. NOTE: When cutting back calories, never go below 1200 calories for women or below 1600 calories for men. Digestion: Digestion and absorption of nutrients uses approximately 10% of daily energy expenditures. Figuring Your Energy Needs 1. Figure your basic energy needs (BMR). Multiply your healthy weight (in pounds) by 10 for women and by 11 for men. Weight x ___(either 10 or 11) = _______calories for basic needs. 2. Figure your energy needs for physical activity. Check the activity that matches your lifestyle for most days of the week: ____Sedentary: mainly sitting, driving a car, lying down, sleeping, standing, reading, typing, or other low-intensity activities ____Light Activity: (for no more than 2 hours daily): light exercise such as light housework, grocery shopping, walking leisurely ____Moderate Activity: moderate exercise such as brisk walking (and very little sitting), heavy housework, gardening, dancing ____Very Active: active physical sports, or in a labor intensive job such as construction work or ditch digging Multiply your basic needs by the percent that matches your activity level: sedentary: 20%, light activity: 30%, moderate activity: 40%, and very active: 50%. ______ calories for basic needs x _____% for activity level = _______ calories for physical activity 3. Figure energy for digestion and absorbing nutrients. Add your calories for basic needs and calories for physical activity, then multiply the total by 10%. (______calories for basic needs + ______calories for physical activity) x 10% = ________ calories for your total energy needs Example: A football player is figuring his energy needs. He currently weighs 350 lbs, however determined that 325 is his “healthy weight”. He calculates his estimated daily energy need to reach this weight: Basic energy needs: 325 lbs x 11 = 3575 calories Energy for physical activity: 3575 calories x .50 = 1788 calories Energy for digestion and absorption: (3575 + 1788) x .10 = 316 calories Total energy needs: 3575 + 1788 + 316 = 5679 calories 4. Figure appropriate carbohydrate, protein, and fat ratio. Remember for athletes; 60% of calories should come from carbohydrates, 20-25% from fat and 15-18% from protein. Example: Using the football player example from #3, we will breakdown the 5679 calories by: CARBOHYDRATES: 5679 calories x 60% = 3407 calories ¸4 calories per gm = 852 gm Carbohydrates per day PROTEIN: 5679 x 15-18% = 852-1022 calories ¸ 4 calories per gm = 213 – 256 gm Protein per day FAT: 5679 x 20-25% = 1136-1419 calories ¸ 9 calories per gm = 126 – 158 gm Fat per day SOURCE: Duyff, Roberta, MS, RD, FADA, CFCS. ADA Complete Food and Nutrition Guide 2<SUP>nd</SUP> Edition. Last August there was an article in the NY Times called Fat Factors that illuminated past and current research investigating the possible correlation between microorganisms and obesity. I was so thrilled, that I immediately e-mailed it to my doctor friends who love to reduce weight loss to simplistic math: calories in - calories out. Fat Factors tells the story of a research patient, Janet, who agreed to 3 months of hospitalization (in exchange for free gastric bypass surgery at the end) to allow her weight to be closely monitored and regulated. The researchers calculated the precise amount of calories Janet needed to maintain her weight, and prepared each of her meals. In two weeks, Janet gained 12 pounds. A next logical train of thought might be that Janet is genetically pre-disposed for obesity, that her fat is in her genes. The first obesity gene was discovered in 1994, and about 50 more, with regulatory effects ranging from fat metabolism to knowing how much to eat, have been identified since. And the genetics theory encounters practical challenges of its own, such as identical twins with similar eating habits and extremely dissimilar weights. Enter “infectobesity,” a term coined by a physician at the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Louisiana who studies the relationship between excess weight and a common virus. Other microbiologists at Washington University in St. Louis are studying the trillions of gut microbes to see if any of them may play a role in making bodies fat, and more researchers at Virgina Commonwealth University, having “successfully” created obesity in chickens, rats and marmosets by infecting them with microbes. Now they are retrospectively surveying humans to evaluate correlation between body weight and antibodies that indicate past microbial infection. Our inner community of gut microflora plays a wide variety of metabolic roles in the human body. And to quote the article’s author, Robin Marantz Henig, about one in particular, “It helps extract calories from the food we eat and helps store those calories in fat cells for later use – which gives [it], in effect, a role in determining whether our diets will make us fat or thin.” Fat Factors is a long article with wonderful stories about researchers and research subjects alike. The short of it is that evidence is accumulating to support some sort of relationship between microbes and obesity, at least in some cases, and that, sadly, the clinical application of this knowledge is still many years away. Most of all, it’s a wonderful reflection on the traps of over-simplified thinking (such as our cultural view of fat = lazy or the standard math of calories in – calories out) and a reminder that we are never alone, that wellness is a team effort – you and your microbes, working symbiotically to create a body of health. Here are just a few research articles (not written by me) that show they are many factors involved the body is sooo complex and metabolism, cardometabolic sydrome, hormones, body flora etc all play a big roll in weight loss. If it was as simple as cal in vs cal out I would have been thin LONG ago!

Thanks for the words of encouragement all.. No kidding about the what seems to be an automatic weight gain. It seems I've put on about 5 pounds too. I was really, really dehyrdrated too. It's funny (not really) how fast that sneaks up on you. Good luck with the fills & I hope all stays well!

So does anyone out there suffer from the inevitable ending of the day glass of wine.?! I'm sure alcohol has attributed to some of my weight gain and I'm scared of it continuing to be a problem going forward after surgery because it's a liquid. I know I'll have to scale back but I have a very stressful job and family life and long for that evening relaxing glass of wine. How do I cope? Thoughts??

Tonight was the 2nd night for dance lessons. I was feeling kind of puny today. I considered staying home because we can do makeup practice on Thursdays if we miss. I talked myself into just going and not wimping out and I'm really glad. This time we worked on learning the Waltz, which I've done since I was a kid, so I didn't have to work as hard mentally as the Progressive 2 Step. It was fun! There are some guys there that really have a tough time. They've never danced at all. Trying to get a rhythm and this teacher is telling them to count (which I hate). Those of us who are single switch partners a couple of times, so at least we get to dance with different levels of leaders. Some have better rhythm than others. But, it is neat to see them learning and seeing that they can do it. What's neater is that as you look around the room, EVERYONE has a smile on their face or they're laughing. That feels good. I've always loved dancing. It just makes you feel alive all over. When you leave, your body knows it's had a workout, your hair is wet, your makeup is gone, but you just feel invigorated in every cell of your body (except your feet). This Saturday is a dance seminar at Gilley's. It lasts from 12pm til 6:30, then most everyone stays for the regular dance til 2am. Wow! Do you know how long it's been since I spent a whole day doing anything social? much less dancing and laughing and smiling til my face feels like it might crack? Actually, it brings tears to my eyes when I think of all that I have given up with my weight gain. All that I have been missing because of my lack of self-esteem and because my body simply hurt too bad to move it. :mad: This disease is so much more about depression and self-loathing than we give it credit for. What in us gets to that place that gives in and lets it take over our very existence? What hidden strength in us fights our way to the surface to reclaim all that we have given away? I wonder.. It has been a good week simply because I took this one step. My body felt better, my outlook was brighter, I smiled more, I talked more. I bought myself shoes that I never in a million years thought I could wear ever again this week. I was even able to wear them to work the whole day! It's baby steps, but it feels like giant leaps to me!

It is a myth that medication causes weight gain and I know I will get flack from this but I do know what I am talking about. pills have no calories. Your eating habits make you gain weight not birth control. You have to stay in check. It's always easier to blame it on medication. But that one pill can not make you gain weight.

I have been doing Curves workouts from 5 weeks after my surgery to present....and I attempt to get in 5 hours a week. I'm really working hard to tone up and regain my center/core. Well, I was on the stretch out machine and this average weight women - started chatting up that the circuit really does not "do" anything for weightloss but that doing cardio makes the biggest difference. Well, I cannot completely deny that but I made the comment that I was attempting to build back my core and muscle structure. She asked why....well, I have not been shy about sharing that I had Lapband....so I said, well, I've recently lost 85 lbs due to lapband, nutrition changes, and working out. The woman started sniffling CRYING and asked if I just hated myself to get that big. I was dumbfounded - I've never been asked that, nor seen that reaction! I said that I did not hate myself but that the gain happened slowly over many years due to illness and it just got to a breaking point to want to do the surgery. She said that she could not understand how ANYONE could ever get to that point of weight gain. Has anyone else had this reaction from people?

So I was banded on 5/23/08 and in November of that same year I found my sweet spot after three or four fills. Since being banded I have lost 135lbs but have still not made it to my goal weight (at my lowest weight I was about 20lbs shy). Recently I have been able to eat a lot and even wake up hungry in the morning which I havent felt since before surgery. I even have gained about 15lbs in the last two months. I have had acid reflux and heartburn since banding and my doc did find a very slight slip in my band at my last visit but nothing enough to remove fill for or need to worry about at that moment. My question is- does my sudden change and weight gain mean my band has really slipped or is it possible to need a fill even after I was at my sweet spot for so long? I know the obvoius answer is to have testing to see the placement of my band but since surgery my ins has changed and it currently does not cover any band related expense. So I would have to self pay and money has been tight lately. I am so scared that some sort of revision will be needed and I literally will not be able to have it done because of cost....

I'm 42 days out and had lost 15 lbs in 3weeks but am loosing and gaining the same 5 lbs since...no change in calories and maintaining exercise...what is this about? I've read many opinions about weight gain but if one is eating less than 1200 calories and exercising then one should lose wt. banded or not?!!! hope the fills make things more consistent and clear..puzzled right now..i am moving foward and just keeping with the program....come this far. Want to love the band:redface:

Don't give up. You do not need to go on a liquid diet. Have you had any adjustments? I know how you feel I had done great for over a year and now I have been bouncing with my weight gaining andf loosing 5 or 6 pounds. You can do it!!! As you get adjustments there yo will see that your body will not let you eat but so much. When you feel you are full STOP AND WALK AWAY!!! I have been doing this on my own since the start. I had to tell my family that I can not go out with you to eat or when I do I woi=uld only order an appetiser. It is difficult but you m ust take small steeps t change what you have been doing all of your life!!! Hang in there. :D :D :D

I remember my second month with VSG, and I had lost only 4 lbs. I remember feeling disheartened as well but the weight loss continued steadily every month. Unfortunately, a person's body mass is the main determinant of one's metabolic rate. The heavier you are, the higher your metabolism, more calories you will burn. Although lower carbs and protein are important, the fact is If you eat fewer calories than you burn, you will lose weight. People on keto, for example, won't lose weight if they are eating too many calories. I would talk to your team and surgeon about your concerns as well. Perhaps they need to rule out other reasons, like water weight gain (I'm familiar with that one hehe). The weight will come off. It just may not be as quick as someone who is 600 lbs. Hang in there. Things will improve.

I am 17lbs short of the needed BMI for lapband, I am a type 2 diabetic, and I'm starting on the insulin pump this week. I already take metformin and lantus, as the dr has increased my lantus I've started gaining, now the pump comes. I was wondering if anyone who is on a pump or was on a pump can tell me if gaining weight on the pump is more rapid that shots? I've heard it can be. I'm honestly not hoping for weight gain, but I'm so OVER diabetes and all that comes with it, I really wish I could have the surgery, I see so many on the boards talking about getting off most or all their meds and I would love to have that happen! Thanks Ren

From what I remember, the cortisol that stress releases causes the body to do a little more "fight or flight" stuff. One of the fight or flight reactions is a shift in metabolism away from fat storage towards calorie burning; the rationale that I remember is that during times of stress we were more likely to need the energy boost RIGHT NOW than to save it for later. Of course, the interesting thing is that PROLONGED stress can lead to weight gain. I don't think that researchers fully understand that yet; it may be a homeostatic mechanism. Regardless of the physiological causes, it's very normal. Do some meditation or deep breathing exercises to lower your stress level, make sure you're treating your body right (good Vitamins, nutrition, hydration), and it should normalize.

Wow, yeah there's no way you're eating too little. Especially considering your work outs, you must have a huge calorie deficit. I'd very strongly suggest going to your primary care doctor and making sure there's no medical issue causing the weight gain. Thyroid, blood sugar, hormones, or many other imbalances in the body can cause weight gain. If I were you, I'd get a full blood work up to make sure there isn't an underlying problem.

Anyone take nardil after being sleeved? Nardil is an maoi that is known to cause weight gain. Wondering if the craving for carbs would be tamed with the sleeve?

Isn't it funny how things have changed since being banded?? Instead of worrying about weight gain, we can now worry how we going to deal with all the old clothes, when to start buying new clothes and in Alex case, if the port will start sticking out

awe, don't get discouraged.... i went through the same thing & ended up gaining 11 lbs more because i got so discouraged, then i felt worse when i got approval cuz of the weight gain. then everything went so quickly i couldn't even wrap my mind around the whole thing! lol, I'm 10 days post-op & feeling pretty good now.... good luck to you & keep your head up....

You know how sometimes the answers come to you right when you need them? This article did that for me...and there are many messages in it that we discuss here. I couldn't find a link to it, so I typed it up because I thought it was so important for everyone here to read. It's long, so grab a bottle of Water and settle in. Size and Sensibility Losing half her body weight was no picnic. But living thin—and expanding her sense of self—nearly made Frances Kuffle’s world blow up I had been summoned to The Show, the Holy Grail for authors and the fulfillment of all my mother’s dreams. In a harried day of phone calls from Chicago, at the tail end of a snowstorm, the producers of Oprah decided, with 90 minutes to catch the last shuttle out of LaGuardia, that they might want me. You’d think, on the eve of what could catapult my book to national attention, that I would be too nervous to eat. I am never too nervous to eat. As I grazed the basket of goodies in my expensive suite, I had two questions. First: Would Harpo Productions’ bean counters go over my hotel tab and ask, “Isn’t that the woman who lost all that weight? What are these charges for chocolate-covered almonds and honey peanuts doing here?” Second: Why am I eating all this stuff? I might be on TV tomorrow! What with Oprah replaying 24/7, everyone in America could count the bread crumbs on my velvet dress. So much for the can-do kid, who, after 42 years of obesity and missed opportunities, had lost 188 pounds and written a book about it. Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight And Finding My Self is an account of how I used my radical change in weight to turn a small, private worlds of eating and surviving into one as big as my former size 32 dresses. I climbed mountains! I swaddled myself in cashmere and had lovers; I went to Italy. I floated out of the gym after lifting weights, I sat in restaurant booths, wore bracelets, and crossed my legs and took the middle seat in airplanes. Then I used my weight loss to do the next impossible thing: I became and author. Being thin opened the doors to experience and intimacy. National exposure, however, was an intrusion I hadn’t considered. I am not a pundit or a role model. You’re going to be pilloried, Frances, I thought with the vehemence of a Sicilian curse. And yet, there I was gobbling Oprah’s $12 Cookies. I put on my pajamas and pulled back the comforter on the king-size bed. It was littered with wrappers. My cheeks were burning with shame and calories. Tomorrow, I promised myself solemnly. And when tomorrow came, I smiled and joked, and I was gracious when I wasn’t, after all, needed for the show. I ached not from disappointment but with the hangover of sugar in my muscles, the sour gas in my gut and the heartbreak of being a liar. After a failed romance and a change of jobs, I drifted into relapse in March 2003, a year before Oprah, I had time on my hands—and time, in my case, is the enemy. I filled it by studying where and how I went wrong, at the office, in the bedroom. Intellectually, I knew that the boyfriend was emotionally frozen and that my former employer was abusive and infantilizing, but I couldn’t shake my ingrained conviction that I was responsible for everything that went wrong. I stopped going to the gym: I started eating peanuts or rice cakes between meals. A little of this, a little of that, and one morning I announced to a friend that I saw no reason why I couldn’t eat blackberry pie and ice cream, get the craving out of my system and return to my abstinence by noon. I wasn’t talking about a slice of pie a la mode. I was talking about a whole pie and a pint of ice cream. A whole pie? That summer I was reminded at every turn that I needed to be thin to promote my book. “You don’t want those cookies, honey”, my mom said as I carried off a stack I’d grabbed from the cooling rack. “Remember: You’re going to be in Oprah’s Magazine.” She was wrong. I did want those cookies, and I didn’t need reminding about Oprah. I sighed and took two more. When I asked myself what I needed, I was met with an unconsoling barrage of hungers. I needed to know I was not disposable. I needed a resting place. I needed to know I had enough stuff to carry off the rest of my life—enough talent, discipline, and intelligence—and enough sufficiency to protect myself from more heartbreak. I needed enough hope to find the friends and man I mourned the lack of. From August 1999 to August 2003, I’d gambled that losing weight would get me closer to all that, and I was told what to eat in those years. Now, after three years of maintaining my weight loss, I needed to be told what to feel when everyone but me has an opinion of who I am. I knew I—not just my body but my very self—was in trouble when I brushed aside a fleeting thought about how fat I looked with the answer “Never mind. You’ll like yourself when you get thin.” How does one live with self acceptance as a future and an always-conditional state of mind? More pragmatically, in lieu of my size 8 clothes, my career depended on self assurance. When asked, I admitted that I’d gained weight, adding that I never presented myself as the poster girl of thin. I said this with poise, which is not the same thing as confidence. Poise is teachable; confidence is one of the elements missing from the periodic table, three parts self respect to two parts experience. To get to confidence, I was going to have to listen to my self-accusations and sit with the rejections. Maybe shame had something to teach me. My next recovery period from food addiction would be based on therapy, heretofore more a matter of coaching than peeling back the layers of self. My psychiatrist’s and therapist’s offices became the places I could air my feelings about myself and the hopes I could change my self-perception. “There’s no point in getting depressed just because I’m depressed” I told my psychiatrist, who increased my morning meds anyway. That October, on a blue-and-gold afternoon, I had Indian food with Lanie, a friend visiting from my hometown, Missoula, Montana. I described how depressed I was by my weight gain until she preempted me. “You’ve been very fat, Frances, and you’ve been very thin. Welcome to where the rest of us live.” I twiddled my fork in my plate of saag panir. I think of Lanie as being very tall and very thin, but a few months earlier I’d helped her pick out a dress. Her dress size was similar to what I was wearing that day. The event we shopped for had been a gathering of Montana writers, many of them old friends, all middle-aged. One had a rounder face than I remembered; another wore layers of a truly terrible print in the style that catalogs and store clerks describe as “flattering”. Someone else was still very thin but looked drawn and brittle as age caught up with her bone structure. These were woman I’d long envied for their pretty thinness, and yet I’d been less like them when I was a size 8 than I was now. At size 8, I had to admit, I was so self-conscious (and secretly, overweening proud of it) that often that was all I was. I could have programmed my answering machine to announce, “Hi, you’ve reached a size 8. Please leave a message and either the size 8 or Frances will get back to you.” None of the women at that party, or Lanie savoring her lamb jurma across from me, claimed their identities from their weights that night. They wanted to gossip, compare stories of their kids and discuss what they were writing, tell old jokes more cleverly than thy had at the last party, and sample the Desserts weighing down the potluck buffet. I was not unlike them. Smaller by a size than Lanie, larger by a size than Laura, a little fresher looking than Diane. Of the Americans who lose weight, 95 percent gain it back within five years. I had gained a third of it back. Not all of it. To some extent, I had beaten the odds. I was stronger than the echoes of the boyfriend and boss allowed me to hear. I was determined not to repeat the mistake of being, rather than having, a thin body. I’d lived through my size all of my life, so acutely aware and ashamed of my obesity that the likable things about me—my sense of humor, my intelligence, talent, friendliness, kindness—were as illusory to me as a magician’s stacked card deck. As long as I defined myself by my body size, I would not experience those qualities for myself. As fall turned to a snowy winter, I picked through the spiral of relationships that had unglued me the year before. I didn’t blame the boyfriend or my boss for my relapse. I had been half of the problem; healthier self esteem would not have collapsed under their judgments of me. In obesity, I had clamped my arms to my sides to keep from swinging as I walked. I craned my body over armrests in theaters and airplanes, stood in the back of group photos to minimize the space I took up. I got thin and continued to hide. Whatever reasons the boyfriend had come up with for not seeing me, I met with amicability and sympathy. Had I reacted honestly, even to myself, I might have ended the relationship. Instead I’d gambled all my sweetness only to find out I was disposable. Likewise, I had not pressed my boss for an agenda of responsibilities from the start, nor had I clarified with her that her work and recreation styles frustrated and frightened me. Slowly I began to find toeholds in the avalanche of food and doubt. I worried about how fat I looked to potential readers and what I could possible wear to flatter or disguise the 40 pounds I’d gained. At the same time, however, I had become the canvas of makeup artists, stylists, photographers and publicists. They weren’t looking at my stomach. “Give me a hundred-watt smile,” commanded a photographer whose censure I thought I’d seen when I walked in. I licked my teeth and flashed a grin only somewhat longer than her camera flare. “Wow.” She straightened up at the tripod. “That really is a hundred watts. These are gonna be great.”. When I saw myself in the magazine, my smile was, in fact, the focal point. When I began dating, at the age of 45, my smile was an attribute men commented on, but I hadn’t really seen it until it was emblazoned on glossy paper. It was bigger, it seemed, than my face itself. I’d been a size 8 in my author photo, taken as my food plan was wobbling but not yet in smithereens, in June 2003. I was surprised to see I still looked like….myself, apparently. The power of my smile fueled me through more publicity, giving me a sense of authentic attractiveness that allowed me to enjoy the process. When I had a couple of days in Santa Monica between readings, I had a chance to assess and absorb at my own pace. Walking along the Palisades, I admired the sea-twisted pines and pearly mist funneling out of Malibu Canyon. I felt as lucky as I had once felt by being hired, by being loved, and I felt worthy of my luck because I appreciated the prettiness of the place, the serendipity that brought me there and my particular grateful awareness that knitted the moment together. I’d tried to rob myself of that by punishing myself for the boss and the boyfriend. You should not have treated me that way, I thought. The emphasis was on “me”, and just then I knew who that was. I looked around carefully. There was a family reunion going on, or so I assumed until I got closer and realized it was cookout hosted for the park’s lost and unfound citizens. I smiled to myself. How…California. No gritty, iron-shuttered Salvation Army outposts here, no Soup and Jell-O punishment for being a bum. No siree Bob. In California, the homeless are just one more variant on the Beach Boys. I laughed out load. I’m here, I gloated. I like my own company. I was tired of the games—with food, with hiding what I looked like under big clothes and my big smile, with waiting until I was a size 8 again to like myself. I recommitted to chipping at my food addiction, but I let go of some of the rigidity I’d had in the first years of losing and maintaining my weight loss. “I want to be praised when I do things right, and I want to be forgiven when I mess up.” I told people closest to me. “And I want milk in my coffee.” It was a small list, but significant because it allowed me to fumble as I gained my momentum of eating sanely. Esteem, kindness, patience, forgiveness: By cloaking myself in these qualities, I could build a self that was not afraid of authority figures and charming men who have one eye on the door. Maybe these attributes will curb the millions of things that make me want to eat, starting with seeing my parents or returning to Montana. I turn into the kid whose mother had to make her school uniform, whose big tummy stretched the plaid into an Etcher cartoon; I became the sad, joking fat college student who was reading The Fairy Queene while her girlfriends were soaking up the half-naked wonder of being 20 years old. I think of my parents’ kitchens, and my mouth waters for gingerbread and well-buttered toast. I regress when I let people like Lanie, whose struggle is different, comment or take chare of what I eat. “That’s two Entrees, Francis,” Lanie pointed out when I said I wanted goat cheese salad and roast chicken for our first lunch together in Paris. “Oh, Well, then, I’ll have the salad I guess,” I settled, grumpily. That’s the way I eat, that’s how I lost 188 pounds; vegetables and Protein. I was allowing her to limit me to a smidgen of cheese, or insufficient vegetables, and allowing her supervision is how I got so mad--the fatal elixir of anger and crazed desire—that I bought all the chocolate in Charles De Gaulle for my untasting delectation. I am the kid who, when told not to put Beans up her nose, heads directly to the pantry. “I have got to learn to tell people to stay out of my food,” I reported to my therapist back in new York. Then again, perhaps this is an evolutionary process rather than a one-time miracle cure. In 2003, I denned up for two months in Montana and ate. In 2004, I struggled again in Montana but I also did a lot of hiking, alone with my dog and with my niece. My slow pace didn’t frustrate either of them. I went horseback riding and got a terrific tan while swimming every afternoon. My thighs did not chafe in the August heat along the Seine, and I was thrilled to cross the Appalachian Trail later that autumn. I had spells of disappointment and fear from the way I ate, but I was living in my body, on my body’s terms. It’s a small world I’ve pulled from the wrappers, boxes and crumbs in the past two years, but a very human one. I’ve seen my family, close friends and therapists hold on to the stubborn believe that I would come through this. They loved me enough to countenance my mistakes and let me start over. Each day, I venture a little farther from the safety of food, and my courage comes from understanding that I am a lot like a lot of people—a family member, a friend, a dog owner, a recidivist, a middle aged woman, a writer who got a good rhythm going and forgot to brush her hair. There is safety in numbers. Depression and relapse would have to wait for a different excuse than my size. I am ready to hope again. Frances Kuffel is the author of Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight And Finding My Self (Broadway books, 2004). Her website is www.franceskuffel.net

Sorry it took me so long to respond. My symptoms were weight gain and after having four fills in a short period of time not having any restriction still. No pain at all.

Strength training is awesome! I was told I may gain some weight once I started, but I didn't. I think it really just depends. And even if you do, just know that it's temporary. The benefits are totally worth a temporary weight gain! I believe strength training is necessary because although you would lose weight with just cardio, your body will look odd. Oh and definitely ask the doc before starting on the weights. I had to wait 2 months I think. Good luck!

I would have asked the granny,well what did you get banded for,I thought the cut-off age was limited....I think that would have closed her mouth...I am so glad to hear that you are doing so well,I havn't had my surgery yet but from what I have read that the weight the first week was water weight gain from the liquid diet that you guys are on so don't let that bother you,It will leave and you will be shocked as to how the weight will come off,,,,you take care....and have much luck with your band

Hi there, my name is Jenn. I've always had a problem with my weight. I have only been small for very short periods of time, and never skinny. My family is riddled with diabetes and strokes. I desided to face the fact that diets really do fail over 90% of the time and they hadn't been the solution for me. I was banded in June. So far I've lost about 20lbs and have adjusted my diet many times. Even if this is all I ever lose, I have no regrets. It stopped a steady weight gain. Diets have never worked for me. I'm also a diabetic PCOS'er. So weightloss is slow, but I expected that. I am a semi-low carb eater and always looking for new recipes. I'll be posting here as much as possible to workout diet kinks. Also to get and give support. Take Care, Jenn