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This is truly me. Not the professional, mother, friend afraid of judgement or wife making light of her past - but really me. Feels good to just be that - me. I had an emotional childhood. The oldest of 5 kids and daughter to high functioning alcoholic and untreated bipolar disorder/clinical depression parents. Riddled with disabling eczema and asthma, I got to know hospitals very well. I would scratch, bleed into my bed covers and by morning they had become the scabs we could not rip off. The belt beatings from my mother in a blind rage were the worst. I can still hear myself screaming. I chose happiness any way I could. I started hoarding candy from birthday parties. I was a heavy teenager but excelled in high school. I was the smart overweight friend who would tutor the football team in basic math. I wasn't date able so the guys treated me with respect but not the same goofy behavior as when the liked a girl. I was relieved to stand behind them instead of being in their sights as a possible conquest. Then one day my junior year in high school, one of the most sought after and cutest boys "Victor" looked over the railing of our 2 story honors classes building and called my name. Me? Probably dropped something he wanted me to bring up? Then he ran down the stairs half way to meet me to talk about last nights reading assignment. All the saliva left my mouth from the stair climb but I managed the brief conversation. Next day he waited and we walked up together. We realized we lived on the same long curvy street but on opposite ends. That summer we did not see each other at all. We both had jobs. Determined, I started exercising. With all my job and academic involvement I walked to the school quite a bit and decided to run. Senior year was great until his mom said he could not go to prom if it was with me. So he went with another girl "for the pictures." Talk about a kick in the self esteem. But, I chose happiness any way I could. Depressed and choosing happiness/gaining weight, I graduated and as I threw my cap in the air I walked away. I knew I was going to college somehow and getting out of this small town where you grow up, marry some guy you never would have dated in school. Have kids and repeat cycle. Got a new job through a friend who said she would set fire to my bed if I did not get out of it! I discovered that I could starve myself and only ate every 4th day and workout 3x week. That's about as long as I could go without starting to fall down a lot. When I did eat, it was about 2tablespoons of whatever. I lost 80 lbs. Women would ask me how I did it. If I felt like being honest, I would tell them. No one believed me. Guess who called 1 year after high school? Yup, Victor. I was living on my own, with job and school and car but I still accepted his invitation to lunch. He had to be home before his mom got home from work so we could not have dinner. I know, cringe. I thought I was choosing happiness. We dated again, it ended when I started dating grown men. Still starving, I started eating every other day to control my weight. I dated a semi pro athlete and he would always call me fat. I has 5'1 and 115 lbs. So, more starvation. Eventually, I met a beautiful man who loved me thin and as the pounds creeped back on. We have been married 22 years. I had a wonderful 25 year career as an advertising director of an department. I worked hard to get to that position. Many 14 hour days and late night binge eating. After 10 years and several miscarriages, we finally had a baby. 6 months later we discovered I had breast cancer while pregnant. With a very young child, I opted for bilateral mastectomy. After extensive chemo and 11 surgeries, I made a full recovery. I tried every diet out there. I had the money so why not try? Then the company shut down as the economy tanked. I was now out of a job. I could never starve myself again. It was so painful. I tried more diets. Cheaper ones. Still, they only work as long as you stick to them. 1year into my new job I started feeling sick and very tired. I knew it had to be something deep. Colds or flu don't feel this way. I had a two week rule. If it hurts for two weeks, then I go in to doctor. Most everything passed before time was up. One day as I getting my son ready for school, I lost control of my bowels and soiled myself. I knew I was going to hospital. I took a shower, got my 1st grader into the car and drove him to school. Instead of walking him in as usual, I encouraged him out of the car and told him to walk in and tell the office his mom was going to hospital. I riddled off my medical history as I sat in the ER doubled over. Good thing most of that history occurred there. After some tests and pain meds they consoled me by letting me know how sooty they were to inform me that my appendices ruptured and they would have to perform surgery asap. I chose happiness. I laughed as I told them I thought it was cancer returned. And since people live through appendicitis, let's go!!! I met my surgeon after he performed appendectomy - maybe before...morphine. When I asked him how is it my body did not stop me sooner, he very gently stated that it was my nature... My nature to endure pain. So much for choosing happiness. He suggested some form of WLS but I snuffed it off telling him that I was way to strong, smart and happy to do it. I just had to get my butt in gear. But, 1.5 years later after having lost and regained 45 pounds plus some, I came back and asked for help. I had been so tired lately since regaining weight. I just couldn't choose what I thought was happiness anymore. I needed help. When I look back and think of all the pain I went through, I wrap my arms around myself and thank God I am still here. Now that I have had Sleeve surgery, I feel like I can step back from anxiety, emotion and that overwhelming urge to eat high calorie ice cream and truly chose happiness that in the end will result in happiness - a healthier me!

Can we talk about alcohol? Shhh! Don't tell my Dr. But I started drinking again. I'm still loosing, so I'm not concerned about the caloric part of it. I mainly feel guilty because he told me not to drink for a year. But I'm single, 30, loving myself and my new body and I've been a SHUT IN for the last 4 years! I want to go out and have fun! Don't judge. If i do drink it's a wine spritzer or beer. I find that I get tipsy, then sober up real quick. I guess it goes right through me faster now and doesn't absorb like it used to? Anyone else have similar stories to share?

So today has been a rough day and we haven't even hit 1 PM yet. This morning, instead of having my normal 3 turkey sausage links for Breakfast (100 cal, 13 gm protein) I decided to have a ham, egg and cheese croissant with only 1/2 the croissant from our local donut shop. I have done well lately and have been seeing the scale move which has made me really happy. I have been craving one of these croissants which I haven't had since before surgery so I figured this morning I would stop and get one and then do REALLY good for the rest of the day. I don't mean skipping meals, just getting the most out of what I would eat for the rest of the day. Anyway, things got hectic at work and I didn't get in a morning snack, by 11 I was so stinkin hungry and with no end in site for lunch I grabbed what was easiest and closest, 1/2 a donut... and then the other half. I haven't eaten a donut since well before surgery. Then the boss went out and bought hamburgers and fries from Burger King for lunch. I ate mine with only half the bun, and only one fry but still, not my good planned lunch that I was counting on. He also bought me a chocolate shake and I can't remember how long its been since I had one of those. One drink of it and I knew if I kept going I would feel bad because of all the sugar. It went down the drain. I haven't had a drink out of a straw since surgery and I even drank the drink of the chocolate shake through the stupid straw. I know better. I know better than all of it. I'm disappointed in myself that I let myself fall off the wagon like I did. I'm a food-a-holic, I have to watch myself just like an alcoholic does. I feel like I have failed miserably today. I also feel like I missed the good feeling of the "drunk" and went straight to the hungover feeling. None of what I ate made me feel better. In fact I kinda feel gross right now. I know it is a lesson in learning. I've been really proud of myself with how well I have done over the past 5 months. I thought I was getting to the point where battling these food demons was getting to be second nature and it wasn't so hard anymore. I don't want to do anything to screw this up. I don't want to start gaining back what I've lost... I've worked too hard. Nothing about this journey has been easy but I have been living it. I've been making it and making it work for me. I just feel really defeated. I told my sister about all of this (she is in the process of getting approval for the sleeve) and told her that tomorrow would be better. I can't wait until tomorrow, starting from this minute the rest of today has to be better. Sorry for the vent/whine. Praying for a better rest of today and for better decision making...

I got my sleeve almost a month ago, I've had one problem, nausea my big issue is drinking . My fiancé and I have had the week off , and been drinkingi like I use too . I was wondering if there's side affects and what could happen ? Thanx

I am a 3 yr vet of VSG and have recently begin experimenting with low calorie again (600cals) On my low cal days, it's not that I feel "hunger" per se, but I do feel empty and the desire to eat is overwhelming, especially as day turns into night. At night I think constantly about food and liken it to the obsessive need of a junkie or alcoholic . It is and is not, hunger. I can remember vividly what it felt like, physically and mentally, to be completely indifferent to food - how it was immediately after surgery. I wonder if naturally skinny people, the kind of people who take one or two bites of chocolate cake and actually wrap up THE LEFTOVERS (!!) and actually forget they are in the fridge until they go BAD (!!!) ... I wonder if it will be proven that those people have almost no ghrelin in their system. Has a ghrelin suppressor been invented yet?

I'm on a pre-op diet, prepping my liver for surgery. I've followed a very low carb program (20 grams or less) and huge amounts of protein since last Thursday. I've lost 10 lbs. in a week. I'm drinking Nectar shakes once a day, lot's of lean meats (salmon, shrimp, chicken, etc.), tons of water and really watching the carbs. NO sugar, alcohol, grains, pasta, rice, bread, etc. It's working. You can do it!

I am 13 month post op, close to you, I am not much of a drinker, 1 margarita every couple of months so I don't have advice on that side; however, I was warned from all sides (dr, psych, Nurse, surgeon) that alcohol addition was a common problem/transference after weight loss surgery. I was asked at every visit in the last year if I felt I was transferring addiction to drinking. I really recommend you see you DR and talk to them honestly. It makes sense, we can't eat in the volume we used to so we look for something else that we can do - and liquid funnels out rather rapidly - food does not. I urge you to see your dr:)

I have to tell you guys -- this is bizarre, but I'm actually doing ok all things considered. I'm feeling a little squirrley, but for the most part, I'm just excited it is almost here! For those of you who are behind me in terms of timing on this journey, here have been the most challenging parts of this process: 1. Making the decision. Until I literally put down money (I'm self pay), I was having a constant dialogue about "should I or shouldn't I." It was exhausting. 2. Mourning the food. I felt like a crazy woman for the 2 weeks leading up to my pre-op diet. I ate everything I could get my hands on. Seriously. I went to a different restaurant every night. I ate until I was sick. It was horrible. And it made me question EVERYTHING -- I kept saying to myself, "You are pathetic. If you cannot control yourself better than this, then surgery will never work for you." I now know that was just self-sabotage (as was the crazy behavior itself). 3. Giving up smoking and alcohol. These were a bit tough, but not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. I just feel like if my entire life is changing, my entire life might as well change (if that makes any sense). No use holding on to other unhealthy coping behaviors. And what's the point of getting my health risks down with the surgery if I were going to continue to smoke? 4. Thinking too much about what my life will be life after this surgery. I know this is an important part of the decision making process because this surgery is irreversible and life-changing. That said, I think I over-scared myself. I keep forgetting that the person I am today does not have the same perspective as the person I will be after surgery. For example, right now, food is the center of my world. I can't imagine life without big plates of pasta, and ice cream, and steak, (etc). But once I get used to eating with the sleeve, I am confident that other things will fill in that void. I have faith that there is life on the other side of food addiction. Okay -- off to eat my last popsickle before I make an effort at sleep. See you all on the other side!!!!

Good for you. As many opinions as there are out there on post op diets, such as caffeine or not, alcohol or not, carbonation or not, soft foods after a week or not...the list goes on. The only thing I have noticed that IS universal is the minimum amount of Water that should be consumed. I wish the best for you and hope you don't get dehydrated. From what I have heard, it's not pretty. I have been a 100 or so oz drinker for years and years as kidney stones run in my family and I am one of the few who has not experienced them. I have to think the water consumption has made somewhat of a difference.

FYE, you always find the most interesting stuff. I'd be interested to see how everybody else plays out according to the table (you can find the link for table inside the above link article) well, according to the table: I would put me in the "big losers" column I fit in the age pretty much and time use loss #s 59/8wks BMI - I think my BMI was around around 26.9 to start average weight loss - I'm off the charts! theirs 7.12 mine 21 lbs at 8 wks. avg lost week 1.07 theirs mine 3 Body shape apple frame medium TDEE (heres where it is way off!) theirs 2994 , mine 1875 Mobile Weight lost on previous diet - their avg 3.6 um 100 Medical condition affect weightloss - I'd say yes since I've had weight loss surgery but I guess no Range of calorie intake on feed days - Steady Change in feed day behaviour - less food, Snacks, sugary food, carbs, fat, more veggies, less dairy, fewer ready meals, i'd say less Protein for me. I don't drink so alcohol no factor Fast days per week - two Calories eaten on fast days - 401-500 Meals on fast days - here i was NOT average mostly Bfast plus dinner when first started, now mostly lunch, dinner Macronutrients on fast days - mostly lower carb Duration of total fast - 12-16 Binge behaviour - never Fast day exercise - light What was interesting to me was the average age (older) bigger losers, post menopausal bigger losers

My general rule of thumb these days is this: just because you can do something (according to your surgeon) doesn't mean you should. Though more often than not I think surgeons go way over the top alarmist about food, caffeine, alcohol, etc. For me, at one month post op I was not eating much carbs - only cooked veggies and some fruit. I am more than 2 months out now and I can tolerate protein-infused oatmeal okay but rice, Pasta and bread feel like bombs going off in my stomach. I avoid as much as possible.

Guys. I am very freaked out. The more i am reading about where you are and what is allowed in relation to me, man, it worries me. Like, i was allowed to take tablets a bit more than a month post op. i started drinking alcohol about 8 weeks post op (little, i might add. Only one glass of wine, and i take a long time to drink it). What else? Oh, i can eat a bit more than most it seems. Like a small steak. I've had no problems and doing ok. Although my weight loss have slowed down considerably, but perhaps it is just also the 4 month slump. I dunno. Feel weird. Totally off my anti-depressants since the op. Perhaps I should go back on. I do have to start gymming though!

It's a very short window where ur not urged to drink alcohol (cept beer, can't ever have that). I'm 5 weeks out and plan on enjoying a margarita now and then in the future. I'm not really into wine, but I'm sure it's fine, in moderation. You stomach is smaller now so be careful. You're liable to get tipsy faster!

I was told that someone died from drinking alcohol after wls. But I do have a drink every now and then and it does effect me a lot quicker than before. It also gives me a stomach ache after too. I find that after my wls, everything affects me different than it did before....Even pain medications too..........

I keep thinking that I don't dump but maybe it's just that I haven't eaten any of these foods. I don't think I've had rice pasta or bread... Well except I did have a sushi roll with light rice. I haven't tried orange juice or ice cream. I was worried when I ate a yogurt that had 13 grams of sugar. I have a think thin protein bar in my purse but I'm afraid to eat it. It says sugar free but there r 11 grams of sugar alcohol. I'm wondering if sugar alcohol will make me sick?

They didn't operate on your liver. Common sense says it shouldn't take any longer to heal then say, your kidneys unless you have an underlying liver condition. I would never recommend anyone to go against their surgeons orders but sounds like yours is very, very cautious. Every surgeon seems to have a different set of rules. Caffeine, no caffeine, carbonation, no carbonation, alcohol, no alcohol....the list goes on. My surgeon cleared me for anything except carbonation after 6 weeks. That said, I think we have to keep in mind that all the different surgeon's opinions come down to this: 1) Medical fact, 2) medical opinion, 3) serving the lowest common denominator and finally 4) covering their asses. I am of the opinion that we use our surgeon's orders along with our own common sense. We are the ones responsible for our success or lack there of at the end of the day.

Mine says no alcohol for 6 months and I think Swimmom has it right. You might have other conditions caused by obesity that negatively effects the liver (like fatty liver). These would require staying away from alcohol for longer.

I know they say no alcohol but I do have glass of red wine every once in a while.

Mine didn't forbid alcohol, but they do say to BE CAUTIOUS. I think there are two concerns: 1) totally empty calories, and you can drink a ton of them, and 2) fear of crossover addiction. WLS patients have an unusually high rate of alcoholism due to crossover addiction. It is also a good way to gain back weight fast.

My center has said no alcohol ever !

Has anyone else's doctor told them to stay away alcohol for 2 years? I haven't heard anyone else being told this. Something about giving the liver time to heal.

My NUT told me absolutely no alcohol for one year, but then I was talking to my surgeon and telling her about my upcoming vacation and that I would miss my tropical drink on the beach and she told me a few sips of whatever I wanted was fine. I haven't had any alcohol yet, but I would have a few sips if the situation presented itself. Just being honest.

Here's my dilemma: I am my sister's Maid Of Honor and I planned her bachelorette party- which is a weekend away on the East end of Long Island's Wine country. I will be one month post op at the time of the trip. I would hate to go on a vine tour and not be able to at least SIP a tiny bit of wine at the tastings. Unless its harmful to me. Any advice?

Great thread! I am a slow loser. I'm 13 weeks post op today and I've lost 35lbs. It's slow and I stall a lot. I have good restriction, my portion sizes are tiny and I've all but given up drinking alcohol which is a big deal for me. I could be disappointed with my weight loss but that would be stupid ad for the first time in my life I KNOW this is going to work and I will be slim! There are days when I fret and worry that I will be the one who fails or my next appointment with my surgeon will stress me out as I'm not on target but it's working, I am losing weight and I can see it now and feel so excited about the future! I do pleased that I don't obsess about food any more or over eat any more this is a freedom from an addiction that has ruined my life and for that we should be grateful. x

Telling a food addict to "just not eat" is about as dumb as telling an alcoholic "just don't drink." The dumbest advice I ever got was to moderate myself when it comes to sugar/sweets. I realize that many of you on this board can do that; I just can't. Once I start eating sweets/sugar, the cravings begin and I'm on a bender. So...for me "moderate" was the worst advice. I spent YEARS trying to moderate while I slowly put on 70 lbs!