Search the Community

But do you realize acid reflux and weight gain aren't normal? You're not supposed to be having either. Have you spoke to your surgeon recently about all this? I would even go so far as to request a barium swallow to make sure your band is still in the proper place.

Why do we eat? The most basic reason is hunger, however with the growing rate of obesity this shows us that people eat for more reasons than just hunger. People eat out of boredom, loneliness, hunger, or deprivation. All of which can lead to excessive overeating and added weight gain. By choosing the right foods to eat when you are actually hungry you can limit cravings to eat for these other reasons. Superfoods contain essential nutrients that the body needs to properly function. When the body is functioning optimally it will speed up your metabolism, boosting calorie burning, making it easier to lose weight. Superfoods contain Fiber, Protein, Vitamins, and minerals, which play a role in how your body responds to calorie absorption and fat cells. Superfoods tend to be lower in calories and take the body longer to digest. This leaves you feeling fuller for longer, giving you less reasons to eat unneeded calories. They also provide the body with a steady flow of energy, keeping the metabolism working to burn more calories. By adding these foods into your Breakfast, lunch, dinner and Snacks you can lose weight and feel great. -Apples- Apples are great for weight loss. They are loaded with vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. Apples are low in calories, low in sodium and high in fiber, which keeps the body feeling full while providing a stable source of energy. -Lentils- These small legumes pack a real big punch against weight gain. Lentils are high in folic acid, Iron, magnesium, fiber and protein. Lentils also contain resistant starch which shrinks fat cells; smaller fat cells means less fat. -Eggs- Although most people only eat them for breakfast, eggs are a great food for weight loss. High in vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and Proteins, eggs help to build muscle, which in turn helps to burn fat. -Yogurt- Yogurt is a healthy combination of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. This combination staves off hunger by keeping blood sugar levels steady. Yogurt also contains a healthy dose of Calcium. Calcium signals fat cells to stop pumping out cortisol. -Sweet Potatoes- Sweet potatoes unlike most other vegetables are higher in calorie content but are worth all of them. Sweet potatoes contain resistant starch, which produces compounds to signal to the brain to stop eating. The bulk in sweet potatoes fills the stomach so you feel full. Carotenoids in sweet potatoes stabilize blood sugar levels and lowers insulin resistance. Kiwi- Although peculiar in size, shape, color and taste, this small fruit is loaded with nutrients. Kiwis are high in fiber, both soluble and insoluble, low in calories and high in Vitamin C.

I was banded with plication on 7-26-11. While I was on all liquids I lost about 32 lbs. SInce I have been back on solid foods I feel like I have gained a few pounds back. I have not had my first fill yet so I am still a bit optimistic... but I expected more from the plication I guess. They claim that my stomach has been reduced by 70% and I would say that is accurate because I am only able to eat about 30% of what I did before. However, that 30% still seems to be enough to not allow weight loss and even allow a bit of weight gain. The doc said I should feel restriction from the swelling around the band site for 3-4 weeks, however, after about 10 days I felt no restriction what so ever in the band area. Has anyone else gained a bit of weight after transistioning to solid foods before first fill?!

Hey ladies, I'm 13 weeks pregnant and thankfully haven't gained anything but instead I have gained a umbilical hernia which totally sucks. Hopefully my weight gain will continue at a minimum. I know wishful thinking. Good luck everyone.

Had my 2nd post op appointment with the surgeon (and possible fill) scheduled for today - 4 weeks. They called yesterday and had to reschedule. Due to conflicts, I won't see him until Aug 8th - three more weeks!! At first, I was really bummed and worried about possible weight gain w/o that fill. Then I decided this is the perfect opportunity to get my head in the right place. Focus on my portions, menus, and exercise. This is the time I can perfect my habits without rushing into a fill. I am OKAY with this.

Hi everyone, This is going to be a long post, so apologies ahead of time! I'm new to VST and thought I'd introduce myself and tell a bit about how I've wound up here. I'm a 39yo (very soon to be 40!) married female, who is an American expat in Australia. I've been here nearly 10 years now. I'm a bandit who will be revising to the VSG. I got my band May 2008, in Perth, although lived remotely at the time. I really wanted to have the RNY but as I was desperate to get pregnant, I didn't want to "waste" 2 years, so I opted for the band. (it goes without saying that I am still childless and largely out of time now :-(, sad but nothing to be done about it but move on I guess). I didn't know about the sleeve. I think it might not have even been around at that time? Not sure. The surgeon didn't discuss any other options, pretty much just said "yeah sure we can band you". There was no pre-op counseling, no meeting with a dietician or a psychologist, nothing. Having read so many tales of having to jmp through hoop after flaming hoop, I thought, "wow this is great!" Of course that said, there was also no follow up care either, except for when I needed adjustments. I had the Internet for support. And of course my husband, who really wasn't all that keen on the idea but went along with it. That was pretty much it. Adjustments were a nightmare to organize. It was a 5+ hour drive one way to Karratha, or a 2 hour flight to Perth to get adjustments, so not only was it inconvenient, I also had to arrange time off work, plus it cost a fortune in travel. Until I learned the new GP could (begrudgingky) do adjustments. More convenient, but also belittling GP who apparently didn't mind letting all and sundry know what you were there for. Shed just announce it loudly so that everyone could hear (very tiny office & surgery). Anyway, I started at 131kg (by my scales, they didnt even weigh me before i went into surgery) and got down to 111kg, for about a minute. Then went zooming back up to 114. Stayed there for weeks, despite following my doctors advice to e letter. The only solution ever offered to help break the stall was "more fill,". It got to the point that I was so restricted often couldn't even get milk down. I would fluctuate between 114-116kg, and constantly told that I simply wasn't complying and that if i would just put as much effort into the weight loss as I did making excuses and lying to myself (word for word from that horrible GP, who took over for fills/removals and stats monitoring after the implant), that I'd have already been halfway to goal. I thought that was a little harsh considering that at that stage I was working my a** off. Not to mention that at that time I hadn't yet learned to eat around the band. She refused to look at my food diary, preferring to just make baseless assumptions about the fat woman sitting across from her (me). If she'd have looked she have seen that yes, I tested the waters and made mistakes, tried to learn from them, but mostly I was extremely compliant. As I said, my band fills got to the stage that even hot peppermint tea would sometimes not go through, nor would ice Water. So you can imagine how painful it was to eat solids and they'd get stuck. chicken, steak, pork, lamb, tuna, any kind of bread, fruit (especially those with skins or membranes), salad veggies (lettuce became an utter nightmare)....all items that would consistently get stuck or rise and fall in my esophagus. dairy products that wouldnt go through made me bring up these great huge globs of slime (honestly, it looks like a mucous plug! Gross!) when you cant get anything to go through, after a while, you get hungry! And being unable to get anything healthy down added to my frustration as well as well as the hunger. I was crazy with hunger some days. True hunger, stomach aching hunger, not just head hunger. Eventually I just got to the point that I let myself eat whatever I felt like, since it almost always all came back up anyway. Never a huge socialiser to begin with, I began to decline social invitations because invariably I'd wind up spending so much time in the ladies room that people would get put off by it. It was embarrassing and hard to explain. People just can't wrap their heads around it. The human auto response to issues, is to just stop doing whatever is causing the issue. Well, you can't just stop eating. Eventually the invitations just stopped. Partly blessing, partly lonely. In Dec 2011 I relocated back to Melbourne, and as such, I'd like to try to make some friends and get a social life back. Since a lot of social activities involve/revolve around food, and I wasn't getting anywhere with weight loss, I went to a doctor who agreed to take out half my fill. ahh, the relief! Oh, the weight gain! I'm back up to 120kg. :-( So 22 June, me and the husband are heading to our farm, and I'm talking about going back to Weight Watchers. AGAIN. I'm pretty sure I've trial tested every version they've run since 1981 (first formal diet, thanks mom! Not). My husband, my dear, sweet, long suffering husband says "Babe, why don't you just go and have the gastric bypass? Just end this battle so you can stop dieting and we enjoy our life together without you having to constantly be stressed.". Wha??? At first I was gobsmacked. Nearly offended. I mean, this is the guy who wasn't so keen on me getting the band. Then I realized what a gift he was giving me. (He didnt really know what bypass involves, that its not the easy way out he thought it would be). I thought about it for 2 weeks before I told him I was going to do it. But I didn't want the RNY anymore. Id been researching a different bypass, the Duodenal Switch. I know a few people with the RNY and they have all had problems with the anastamosis growing over, things getting stuck in the stoma, staple line leakage, and dumping syndrome just to name a few. DS doesn't have those issues, except for staple leakage if you're non-compliant in the first 3 months. Then I believe it just heals into a well formed scar? I'm not sure. Anyway, I started ringing around to Melbourne surgeons to find someone that did the DS. I found ONE. Dr Stephen Blaemy. Had my consult with him 19 July. Nice guy, a little more patronizing than Id like, but having always been a fat person I've grown accustomed to people being patronizing. He openly admitted that he'd not done a DS in the last 5 years, but that he would still do it. Some caveats first though. If I ended up with DS, it would be the last of a 3 stage process. First, lapriscopically removing my band. 10 weeks later, lapriscopically doing the VSG. One year from then, the DS, if it is necessary. He doesn't think it will be necessary. Naturally I was a little disheartened. I'd hoped to have the DS by end of October this year.....had envisioned Christmas photos with me actually IN them (I generally break my neck to get away from a camera). I must be honest here folks........I have a LOT of reservations and doubts about the effectiveness of the sleeve. I wasn't able to make the band (a solely restrictive process) work, and I don't have much faith that I will be able to make the sleeve (also a restrictive process) work either. I fully admit that I threw in the towel out of frustration and, well, hunger! I am really afraid that the same thing will happen with the sleeve. Although this time, I have access to more tools like: clean, nice smelling gyms (rather than a hole-of-a-building-gym stinking of BO so bad you can TASTE it) Therapists and nutrtionists that specialize in disordered eating Face to face support groups Safe places to walk and exercise (rather than the rocky, craggy snake and fly infested remote towns of the Pilbara) (the Pilbara is beautiful, just you must exercise extreme caution when leaving the confines of established areas :-D ) Complementary therapies like acupuncture, massage, and oddly enough, beauty treatments. I believe the Cancer Counsels Look better, feel better campaign can apply to even those of us not suffering cancer. If you look better, you feel better. Plus, it's good to just be back in "civilization"! So......dr Blamey gave me some info on the sleeve, told me to talk it over with the husband, and get back to him if I wanted to proceed. I did, and called the next day. Spoke with his secretary (who is a little lacking in friendliness....maybe she was having a bad week) and organized to have the band out 14 August 2012. If he's true to his word, and doesn't have a holiday planned, I should behaving the sleeve done around 22 October 2012. I am also really afraid that once I've got the band out, I'm going to lose my collective mind and have a stress binge, and balloon back up to 131 or higher. My plan is to go back to Weight Watchers (I do think it's a sensible approach) for the time being, then switch to Optifast for 2 weeks prior to sleeve surgery, and then go for the gold with the sleeve, following his advice. And I'm going to make the best of a less than ideal (in my mind) situation. If next year I havent been unsuccessful I can revise again to the DS. And that's my story in a (large) nutshell! Cheers!

Are you fed up with struggling with overeating, starting another d-i-e-t that you know will probably blow up on you, or wishing your pants were not so tight? Here are five simple things you can implement today to control your cravings, eat less, and thrive more. 1. Sleep. Don’t keep working harder and harder. Play it smart. Women who average five hours or less of sleep per night weigh more, gain weight more easily, and crave more carbohydrates and fattening foods—and it’s not in their heads! Sleep deprivation leads to chemical changes in your body that cause overeating and weight gain (even if you don’t overeat). Aim for at least seven and a half hours of sleep per night. Not only will you be less hungry, your productivity, focus, and creativity will probably improve. You may even find yourself accomplishing more than when you were burning the midnight oil. Additional bonus: you’re likely to feel a whole lot better. 2. Pay attention to your feelings. Emotional eating—eating as a response to feelings—is a major cause of overeating and packing on the pounds. Stress eating, comfort eating, eating out of frustration and even eating out of boredom or happiness can all sabotage your weight loss plans. Develop strategies to check in with yourself and with how you are feeling so that you can respond to your emotions in ways that don’t involve food. Added bonus: when you address your feelings instead of feeding them, you will be taking charge of your life and responding to what you really need. When you do this, life gets better. 3. Carve out time for you. Stress and overload can be a direct path to weight gain. If you’re feeling time crunched, you’re likely to make the all-too-common mistake of cutting out the activities that are actually the best for you. Me-time helps you relax and unwind. It also gives you an opportunity to pay attention to yourself and what you need to function and flourish. When you meet your needs and care for yourself in quality ways, you are less likely to find yourself using food as a “special treat” or a “band aid” to help you get through the day. Practice giving yourself a five or ten minute time out a few times a day. The bonus: these short breaks help you get perspective on your day. You’re likely to feel more organized and relaxed as a result. 4. Feed yourself quality food at regular intervals. If you are trying to eat less, it can be tempting to cut back too far and allow yourself to get too hungry. Big mistake. While depriving yourself with strict diets may initially seem to create results on the scale, in the long run, eating too little leads to stronger cravings (usually for foods that will spike your blood sugar levels quickly), overeating, and binge eating. Do you find that your healthy eating plan always gets blown in the afternoon or evening? Try eating smaller, more frequent meals during the day and make sure that you are including some protein each time you eat. Bonus: when you feed yourself well, both your energy levels and your mood are likely to improve. 5. Savor. You might be surprised to find how little of what you eat you actually allow yourself to savor and enjoy. Eating on the run and multitasking while you eat mean that your attention is divided between food and your hunger and whatever else you are doing. When you eat without giving it your full attention, you are likely to eat more and not feel as full. Impose a ban on multitasking when you eat. Take your time and practice eating mindfully—paying complete attention to your food—the taste, smell, even the texture. Notice how full or hungry you are and allow yourself to enjoy the act of eating. Bonus: savoring is a pleasant activity and it tends to be relaxing. Practicing enjoying your food in this way and getting in the habit of doing one thing at a time is a great strategy for reducing stress. If you apply the concept of not multitasking to other areas of your life, you’re also likely to see an improvement of the quality of your results.

It depends what is causing your depression? Some peoples weight gain causes their depression so weightloss helps. Some people weightloss makes no difference as their depression is not about that, perhaps an imbalance. The sleeve itself is an emotional rollercoaster, alot have mood swings. I have been down alot. But really happy with my sleeve ( I have been on and off meds since I was a teenager) I am not on meds now. The sleeve is something I am happy with. My health has improved. But it will not make my mental health issues go away.

Hi sleeved 2/3/14, dealing with reflux and regain of 20lbs (never got under 200 lbs with the sleeve) Surgeon predicted my goal weight as 222 SW: 297. I've never felt my sleeve was done correctly. Looking to revise due to reflux and regain. Being directed toward roux en y, but I do not have a gallbladder, so wouldn't it make more sense (since I'm already sleeved) to go with the DS? HELP, I need some input.

I was eating around 800 calories a day and I wasn't loosing much (about 1 pound a week), I was okay with that and went about 10 days w/o tracking my food on fitday but I was keeping a written journal. When I got home I had lost 5 pounds in 10 days. I went back and put my food into fitday because I want to always have the history so I can go back and look at the trends. When I did this I was a little surprised that my daily calories were averaging between 900 - 1100 which was more than I had been eating. It had a lot to do with eating out and eating sauces, that are higher in calories; not really eating more quantity. So, for the months of February and March I decided to try something and see what my weight loss would be if I average 1,000 calories a day. In February I lost 11 lbs. and in March I lost 17 lbs. I don't get exactly 1,000 calories in any given day I just try and keep that as an average over the course of the week. I have had a few days when I have gone as high as 1,400 calories. Because of my travel schedule I don't weigh weekly but I also don't weigh daily but since the day I was banded I haven't had a single weight gain; there has always been some loss. So I guess to answer the actual question, I was still loosing with 800 calories a day and I don't gain if I have days that I go over 1,000. For me the 1,000 calories a day average seems to be what works best. I know this will be different for everyone. I did find thst by using fitday to track my intake I was able to determine what worked best for me. In April my weight loss slowed down, I only lost 9lbs. but I am getting close to goal so I kinda expect it to continue to slow.

Thanks for the response. I'm on SSRI meds that I'm unable to do without and the only one that works well for me is prozac. Ive been on other meds with much higher weight gain. I'm just starting out into looking at this as an option. Ive never been able to maintain a diet of 1000 calories a day... Not even close. The meds make you both hungrier and slow you ability to lose weight. Do people on this forum have experience with doing or at least research doing sleeve in Mexico... Is that really crazy to think about? not because I'm cheap but rather it's because i don't have the money to do it here in the states.. But if Mexico is considered crazy if like to know. Thank you for your help

I have been stressing over the 6 month weight loss program requirement from my insurance and found this explination on the Cigna website. It does make it a little easier to consider why they require it. :biggrin: But I still hope I have already met the requirement! Here is the reference: http://www.cigna.com/customer_care/healthcare_professional/coverage_positions/medical/mm_0051_coveragepositioncriteria_bariatric_surgery.pdf The benefits of a preoperative weight-loss program include all of the following: • identification of those individuals who will be committed to and compliant with the short-term, long-term and lifelong medical management follow-up, behavioral changes, lifestyle changes, and diet and physical exercise regimen required to ensure the long-term success of this surgery • reduction of operative morbidity and surgical risk • improvement in surgical access with weight loss • reduction of the severity of obesity-associated risk factors, such as blood pressure, glucose intolerance, cardiorespiratory function and pulmonary function Access to a multidisciplinary team approach, involving a physician with a special interest in obesity; a dietitian or nutritionist; a psychologist, psychiatrist or licensed mental health care provider interested in behavior modification and eating disorders; and a surgeon with extensive experience in bariatric procedures, is optimal. Realistic expectations about the degree of weight loss, the compromises required by the patient and the positive effect on associated weight-related comorbidities and quality of life should be discussed and contrasted with the potential morbidity and operative mortality of bariatric surgery. With current state-of-the-art bariatric surgery procedures, patients lose an average of 50–60% of excess body weight and have a decrease in BMI of about 10kg/m2 during the first 12–24 postoperative months. Most long-term studies show a tendency for a modest weight gain (5–7 kg) after the initial postoperative years; long-term maintenance of an overall mean weight loss of about 50% of excess body weight can be expected

Does Gastric sleeve help weight gain thats due to meds that you must stay on long term? I'm on meds that made me gain 70 pounds in 2 years and i cant lose more than 10 before i hit a wall. Would the Sleeve help me?

I lost 42 lbs in the first week after my surgery. Due to internal swelling, I was completely dehydrated (well, ok, not completely, else I would have been a pile of dust) and had to have IV fluids a few times to keep going. Last week, I re-hit that 42 lb mark... 4 months post-op. I was depressed at first, but it's really nothing. I spent 15 years of my life steadily gaining weight. Then I spent 4 months losing it FAST FAST FAST (100 lbs). Then I gained 60 lbs back in one month, and 40 in the next month. With the band, I know that those kinds of weight gain are simply impossible. (Ok, I tend to use the extremes.... how about almost completely improbable?). Even weeks when I lose 1 lb, or stay the same, are weeks when I've done better, on average, than any other week in the past 15 years of my life. If you lose half a pound a week (a ridiculously conservitive rate), in 4 years, you will lose over 100 lbs. Where would you be in 4 years without the band? I know you're discouraged... I've been there -- we all have. You've done a wonderful thing for yourself, and all you need to do is keep your eye on the ball. Don't be fed up with yourself. You've turned the corner, reached the apex, made the change. Don't beat yourself up at all anymore -- I bet you did plenty of that (we all did, if you didn't, you'd be unique =) ) over your weight a lot in the past, and it didn't really get you anywhere, did it? =) Keep your eyes on the present, your heart on the future, and leave the past where it belongs. Gaining a few pounds of Water right now means *nothing* in the end. It's nothing you're doing wrong, it's nothing you *should* prevent. And best of all, it's a short term problem. =) I'm not trying to lecture you at all -- I hope it didn't come across that way. I just know, personally, the frustration you're feeling and know that it will pass. Peace to you, Jonathan

Hello All! I have been looking into getting surgery for years now. I have a job that covers the surgery so long as I meet the requirements. I have Cigna and one of the requirement is that I follow a weight management program for >89 consecutive days or 4 visits. I have my last visit on March 13th and I am nervous because my surgeon advised not to gain weight. I gained 2 lbs my last visit so now I'm working towards losing those 2 lbs I gained plus an extra pound or two. My question is did anyone go through the weight program with Cigna and gain and still got approved? They don't specify whether you need to lose during this time or you will be denied so I just wanted to ask others on here to see what your experience was.

I am 2 months out......down 36 lbs and about 3 to 4 pants sizes. I am getting the compliments and people notice my loss, however........I have not taken any post op pics! I look in the mirror ( with clothes off) and don't see that big of a difference, and I know that I am overly critical of myself and I still feel as though the camera is going to tell a story that I don't want to hear! LOL. When were you all able to look in the mirror and see the changes for yourself? I notice some of our fellow sleevers are in love with the camera. Due to my weight gain I have resulted to saying I am not photogenic! I have been with my husband for six years, we have four children and have never taken family photos.....This is crazy and my weight has controlled so many aspects of my life! I am taking a stand!!!!! My 29th birthday is in August and since I no longer face going into my 30's fat, my family will take pics this August! YAY. I have a goal in mind of where I would like to be but hey I am just thankful that I am almost 40 lbs lighter than I was just 2 months ago........this post was random, but you guy's before and after photos inspire me and I realized I have none. Going to start tracking my journey.....and actually posting pics. Now the larger challenge........finding a BEFORE pic..LOL

I can't speak to whether you've stretched your sleeve, as I'm only a couple of weeks out myself. But as someone who had a complete thyroidectomy earlier in the year, and has had several periods of time where I was hyperthyroid while they try to get my synthroid straightened out, I can promise you that not everyone who is hyperthyroid loses weight. In fact, each time I was hyperthyroid, I gained a lot of weight (7-10 lbs) within a few days. Totally unfair, considering that losing weight is the ONLY benefit of being hyperthyroid, right? I know of others who've had weight gain as a result of being hyperthyroid as well, and it certainly makes you crazy hungry (mentally, not so much physiclally. I'd bet once you get that under control, all will return to normal.

Sounds to me like you may be too tight also Here is an excerpt from the Inamed handbook that is valuable to your situation With the Lap Band system in place, you should be able to eat only small ammount so the food you eat should be as healthy as possible. Do not fill your stomach pouch with :junk: food that lacks Vitamins and other important nutrients. Your meals should be high in Protein and vitamins and low in carbs. solid food is more important then liquid food or soft food. The lap Band system will have little or no effect if you only eat liquid or soft food. It passes through the stomach outlet very quickly and does not make you feel full. Here is another excerpt form the book If the adjustment (fill) results in too tight of a stomach opening you could have a hard time eating most foods, sometimes this causes people to avoid solid foods. They may drink liquid meals or soft food meals and this may result in weight gain. A band that is too tight may cause reflux symptoms and can also cause frequent vomiting. I hope this info helps you

Went to an amusement park for the first time since I gained all my weight (5'4 250lbs) and it was awful. My feet ached horribly from walking and standing. I had several rides I barely fit in. I wanted to have a full on meltdown. My four yr old daughter had a blast. I was miserable. I NEED to get this weight off. Just another experience to remind me, despite all my fears, that I need this surgery. I'm currently waiting on approval. We're supposed to go to Disney before I get my surgery and I am so stressed about it. I seriously don't want to go. My mom planned the vacation and I don't want to let my little girl down by not going. What if I don't fit on the rides? God how humiliating, I just want to cry. I got heavy quickly from pregnancy then post partum depression which turned out to be bipolar and the meds made me gain soooo much weight. I just don't want to wait any longer. It's been 5 years I've been struggling with illness and weight gain, I want it to be over or I don't want to go on.

So I'm 2 months out and was at 265, with a total of 59 lbs lost since surgery and 107 total. This was my weight on Sunday. Today I weighed myself because I've been feeling a little swollen and was up 3.5lbs. I'm eating like I have been and drinking lots of water. I haven't worked out in a week. Is this a cause for concern? Is it normal? Should I call my Dr? I can't possibly be eating enough to gain real weight, I'm at about 550,600 calories a day.

I have seen several people mention gaining weight after 5yrs post-op. I too am starting to experience weight gain and no longer feel the restriction like I use to when I eat. Had anyone had the revision to help get back on track?

Hi Bandpal! Hope you had a safe trip back to Israel. I'm working on my Masters in mental health counseling. I enjoy working with children and am now interning at a special school for emotionally disturbed children. The children have disorders such as ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, BiPolar, Aspergers, etc. I plan on obtaining my license and would like to someday open up a counseling center for children and their parents. For now, I'd like to work in a school until I can receive my license. I have to work for 3000 hours after graduation and take the NY licensing exam before I'm licensed. I'm graduating this May, four days after my son's Bar Mitzvah. Can't wait! I know that many sleepless nights studying and writing papers contributed to my weight gain.

I'm only 5 weeks post op but was told the IVs and hydration after surgery could cause a temporary weight gain. It's probably just Fluid so don't be discouraged................

It is 1:30 in the morning and I decided to reflect a bit on why WLS? Why now? My first memory of being over weight was around 10. Mind you, I was not very obese but my brother thought I was so I spent the summer running around my grandmother's house. After a year I grew into my body and kept active. I remember squeezing into jeans by laying on the bed. It was the 80's and even though I was not large, I always had "junk in my trunk" that made me self- conscious. Fast forward to the 90's. When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled.....and scared. I no longer had my mom around to ask advice. I thought I was being healthy. After all, I was eating for 2 right? Wrong! My insecurities about being a good mom and wife fed into that lie and I ended up gaining almost 80 pounds. I never thought really bad about myself being a larger person.....sort of. I used to joke about being the healthiest large person I knew. I still did a lot at 230 pounds. Skating, running(sporadically), etc. and I kept up with my family for a while. I went on diets. I went on exercise programs and gym memberships. I did not keep any of it off. I sabatoged my own weight loss while blaming it on my husband's little Debbie habit. I remember one time he said that he couldn't see why I didn't lose weight because I ate much less than he did and less than most of my friends. I did not understand I was constantly in a cycle of tanking my metabolism. Fast forward to 2011. When I move back to America after 7 years in Germany, my life spins out of control for a while. No job, teenager issues, money "adjustments", depression, and you guessed it .......weight gain. I went from 230-258 faster than the service at McD's. I finally got my head on straight. I remembered that whatever path my college age child took, it was not my path. I had no control over that. I was still a good mom. My other children needed me to remember that. I remembered also that my identity was not in my job. I am important even without a job. (I got a job shortly after that) I am remembering that one again.......no job again. Even with an eight month supervised diet with phentermine, I "lost" 25 pounds only to find it again within 3 months. (frustration....) Here I am today. My knee is keeping me awake because my weight has wreaked havoc on my cartilage over the years. (currently in PT). I have had to take 3tums in addition to the Prevacid for my GERD since lying down. Why do I want the lap band? I am tired of abusing my body. I want to hurt less. I want to be looked at seriously when I apply for a job. I want to be a good example for my 10 year old daughter who is already overweight and self-conscious. I want to cook healthier for my family. I want to live to see my daughter have children. My mom died at 43 of a heart attack. I want to go on a cruise and dance all night and lay on the deck all day. Yes, I know I want a lot. I want my life!!!

This morning has been an interesting one for me. I have talked on my blog about how emotional I am and how I have been working on keeping things in perspective. I think in day to day activity, I'm doing a good job, but I still have a way to go. Let me give you some history: I have been overweight all my life. I remember thinking I was fat as early as first and second grade. My nickmame in fourth grade was Buffalo Butt. Nice, huh? My first weightloss memory (real or manufactured...) was going to a Weight Watchers meeting with my mom in fourth grade and weighing 144 lbs. I feel like I've been on a diet ever since. I love my mom. In fact, there is no one on earth I love more than I love my mom. My mom was always "normal" sized, but was almost consistently on a diet while I was growing up. My mom grew up in a household where her father expected perfection from her. She & Dad truly strived not to be that way with my brother and me. They just wanted what was best for us. They wanted me to be healthy and happy, so they helped me try and lose weight. They took me to Weight Watchers which helped when I was actually doing it. They took me to Nutri System in high school and after a week or two I was sneaking food on the side. They found out and were really mad at me. In retrospect, I understand that they spent a lot of money (that we didn't really have) to do this for me. At the time, I felt I let them down because I stayed fat. I was a food hoarder. I would eat normally in front of people then binge when I was by myself. I remember when I was young (maybe third grade?) I dipped a big tablespoon of peanut butter in sugar and started eating it. I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was tasty! I was in the living room and I heard my parents coming so I hid it under a piece of furniture. They found it and yelled at me. I feel quite sure that they were yelling at me because it is disgusting and gross to leave food around and it would attract mice and pests (which we had issues with anyway in our pre-1900 house.) I just heard them yelling at me becaue I was a disgusting fat pig. Every time my mom tells me I look thin or that I have lost weight, I soar! When my mom mentions that I look like I have gained weight (or she asks if I have gained weight), I get physically sick to my stomach. It has always been that way, but I'm just now starting to tell her when that happens. She thinks I'm being silly, and objectively, I probably am. I talk to my mom every morning during my commute. Every morning, I cheerfully tell her how much weight I have lost. I'm typically up a little on Mondays, but not much. Yesterday, I knew I was going to eat popcorn and I told my mom. She gets a little hitch in her voice when she says "okay" that makes me feel guilty. I was up today and I kid you not when I tell you I was in the shower this morning rehearsing what I was going to tell my mom. Sigh. I'm 36 and sometimes I'm 12. According to rehearsals, I was supposed to cheerily say that I was up a pound that I felt confident would be gone tomorrow. Instead, I told her that I don't share gains with her, only losses. She started laughing and said that I must have gained a lot because I tell her when it is a pound. (I want to step in a second and say that I truly do not believe that she was laughing AT me or trying to be insenstive. My mom loves me ridiculously so and would never intentionally hurt me under any circumstance.) My face and body started to get hot and I could feel myself tense up. I told her that it hurt me that she was laughing at my weight gain. She tried to explain that she laughs at herself all the time. I was so wrapped up in my anger that I almost hung up with her. Crazy! But I was able to change the subject and we moved on. When I got to work, my friend Liz approached me and said that she messed up. I had set up a birthday party for my friend Cori and had invited Liz, but not another work friend. Liz had mentioned the party to our other friend and other friend was hurt. To be truthful, it really wasn't something that was done intentionally. Neither Liz nor other friend has ever been invited to Cori's birthday party, but right at the time I was doing the invitation, I think Liz was on her mind so she said to invite her. It certainly wasn't an act of meaning to NOT invite other friend. In my mind, other friend is in a bad place right now and she is interpreting everyone's actions as something AGAINST her when in reality, that's not the case. I was actually that way last year, before I got my life on track. I realized that NOTHING anybody else said or did truly made a difference to me inside. If I loved myself, everything else would work itself out. That brings me back to my mom. I am so unbelievably fortunate to have my mom. I can't even list off all of the wonderful things she has done and continues to do for me. Nothing she does or says is meant to hurt me. If fact, I have no doubt that my mom would lay down her life for me. I have 35 years of demons to work through. I feel like I have gotten through a lot in 6 months, but it is still going to take some time to get through the rest. Occassionally, my feelings are going to get hurt through no fault of anyone's. But as long as I realize that I control the situation and it is I who decides my emotions, I will be able to move forward. I have have nightmares on occassion of a 5th grade me on a bus where kids are chanting BUFFALO BUTT! I have dreams all the time where people make comments that I'm fat. It is my achilles heel. But I'm doing something about it! At 60 pounds lost, which I should hit sometime this week, I will be halfway to my goal. Take that Amber Melvin from 4th grade! Take that mean, mean Debbie on the school bus! But most of all, TAKE THAT BETH! I am my own worst enemy, but this time is different. This time there is no self sabotage. This time there is no letting myself get caught up in the enormity (pardon the pun) of it all. This time, I'm not just losing weight...this time, I'm changing my life. Mom, I thank God for you and dad everyday. I love you.