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Ronnie I'm sorry about that...but really you don't need any negative/unsupportive people in ur life right now. Ita all about you sister!!

If I asked "I am going on vacation and will keep my band filled, is that the right thing to do?" would there be any discussion or comments? Of course not. I posed the appropriate question necessary to generate information and thoughts on the issue that I am trying to work through and about which I have not made a decision. As people challenge my question and assumptions and I challenge theirs in return, we all learn more about both positions and their validity or invalidity. That is the nature of a didactic dialogue. If the only thing you can draw from that is that it looks like rationalization then so be it. Obviously other posters are willing to accept this issue as undecided for me, as I have stated repeatedly. You have not explained why this is a "bad, bad decision" without relying on unsupported pat statements. We can disagree as to whether or not the eating issue is a big deal and whether it is a useful for me to spend my time in Europe talking about my surgery over dinner, but that's not the issue. I already stated that if I can avoid the rudeness problems and not get the unfill, that is the solution I will choose and I am currently working on getting an answer on precisely that point. While I am working on that solution, there does not seem to be any reason not to have a discussion about whether a temporary unfill is something I can recover from in a reasonable amount of time. At the very least it will provide people researching whether to have the surgery some better understanding of what I suspect is an issue for people other than myself.

I felt so bad for Laura when her husband was being so unsupportive. I get that for so long he was her caretaker and that its hard for him to get used to the change. However he should be proud of his wife for the strength she has to change her life. Sent from my SM-G925T using the BariatricPal App

I felt so bad for Laura when her husband was being so unsupportive. I get that for so long he was her caretaker and that its hard for him to get used to the change. However he should be proud of his wife for the strength she has to change her life. Sent from my SM-G925T using the BariatricPal App Laura! Thanks. I felt bad that I couldn't remember her name. She seemed really grounded for someone who has gone through so much. I am so glad they started seeing a marriage counselor. Her husband is 180 degrees different from the horrible Gareth. He did seem really at sea about how his role was changing. The thing that annoyed me from both Marla and Laura was the obsession with getting skin surgery long before they had gotten to a stable weight. I wonder if the production put that in their heads? Adding: I think the theme for this episode was: protein, protein, protein and walk, walk, walk.

I have finally, FINALLY, also started to tell some select people again about the surgery, now that they have asked me if I am losing weight, etc., and have been surprised by their reactions! Some people I thought would be unsupportive have actually called me courageous! On the other hand, I also did tell my sister-in-law last week. I had been putting that one off for quite a while. She is always dieting off her extra thirty or so pounds with this fast or that gadget, but I think it has always comforted her that no matter what she weighs, I always weigh more. She's always all about what I am eating or not eating or why? am I not eating??? Her reaction was weird !!!! It was like I mentioned it, and then she turned on a dime and started immediately talking about something else! Like, 'I am having weight loss surgery' and she was like 'oh look, cows!' And then started babbling something about how she was at the car dealership with her Lexus and her boss gave her some assignment, blah blah blah. And not a word since! It's like radio silence! Wow, I expected lots of research on dead lap band patients and statistics, instead it's like I said something forbidden. Like if she ignores it, it won't be true. Like I said, weird !!! :tt1:

Hi everyone, In the past few months I have been reading a lot of message boards about lapband surgery (most are American) and I am starting to feel slightly worried that I am missing something big that I should be doing. It seems like so many people get refused surgery or are undergoing rigerous testing and diets before they can have the surgery. In comparison, this process has been very easy for me and I really haven't had any obstacles- other than dealing with unsupportive people! I went to the info seminar last year, then I got a referal from my doctor and then went to see a surgeon and I now have a surgery date- 22nd May! :eek::w00t: I have my insurance, I'll be going on Optifast for 4 weeks before surgery and I have another appointment with my surgeon 2 weeks before my surgery. Is there something else I should be doing or is it really this easy? :cool2: Thanks for your input. :tt2:

Sherri, ya know I've found that ppl who like to use put downs and slam ya, they only do it for as long as you let it get to you. Ya know what drives ppl nuts??? Just act like you could care less about what they have to say whenever its soemthing negetive. And then work on how you feel on the inside. You are going to be fabulous. Who cares how you get to being fabulous. Your band is your tool and it was YOUR money you bought it with. Will it feel any less great to wear a size 16, 12, 10, 8 or 6??? YOu gotta remember you did this for you, and the heck with anyone who has a problem with it. Your husband is probably just scared right now that you're going to get sexier than him, and not want him anymore. But he'll come around when he sees that you still love him even when you are sexy as hell lol. For now just keep plugging away and look towards the goal. Take no prisoners and don't look back. When someone says something unsupportive of you, try really really hard to not let it hurt you, feel sorry for them that they are the ones with the problem.

I'm guessing by now you have had your surgery. How are you doing? You don't need those unsupportive people in your life...you have us!

I'm glad you have all us "meanies" figured out in the short month you've been apart of this "unsupportive" community. Your post clearly shows you know NOTHING about the VSG family and the tremendous support (and sometimes tough to swallow truths) given here. And thanks for pointing Tamz to your "other" site where the people are more "informed" and "loving." That you care not to mention.

I'm assuming you're very young if your mother "feels like a failure" due to your weight. You might want to ask her why she feels this way. I would say get support where you need to get it from. I had wonderful support from one of my friends and I've had a few friends pretty much disown me because of it. I've had the "easy way out" comments, plastic surgery ones, pretty much everything under the sun. Just be ready for some off the wall comments and unsupportive things. I think one of the blessings from this surgery was to see who my real friends really are.

hello all!!! My surgery date is June 4th!! I am excited and very nervous. I have to loose 10 pounds before surgery or he said he will cancel. i am nervous I won't be able to do it and keep it off. I am good for loosing 10-15 pounds and I am great for gaining it all back plus another 5. He didn't give me a pre op diet but I think I should just do the post op diet. My only other problem with the post op diet is that I have a sales conference with my job for the first week in May and i don't want anyone to know and I don't want to be starving around all these people. Then mother's day weekend i am going out of town with my family who are so unsupportive. i think I just need words of encouragement. my hubby gives them to me, but I just don't know.

Sorry to hear about your unsupportive husband. It sounds like he is insecure about himself and wants company. I thank God everyday for giving me a spouse/partner that supports decision I make, especially about my health. As mentioned try to find some counseling to help him understand what you are going through. Sometimes guys are idiots and only think of their own feelings. Good Luck and don't give up!!

Hi, I am not sure how to digg or furl a post....no idea....I do know that I am hopefully going to be scheduled before the year end. My MD said there should be no problem. I have psych eval on 11.18.09 and he said he could submit to blue cross as soon as he got that report, he will write a letter to insurance which I guess is all they need. He said Blue Cross is fairly easy,just a letter of medical necessity. I am on a liver shrinking diet in the mean time and even though this hasn't been REAL hard, primarily cuz I have cheated a little, but I am really worried about my 7-10 day liquid pre-op diet. I am so on edge as it is with 2 kids, a very unsupportive husband and a very demanding job, and I smoke as well!!! Only 2 to 4 cigs a night to go with the wine I cannot drink anymore!!! I am just afraid that I will pop my cork!!! It would be great to be able to utilize this board and have some people to sound off to....can anyone give me a brief explanation on how to get back to this so I can follow everyone? Also, how do you make a weight loss ticker tape at the bottom of your entry? I am afraid I will not get back here, so I am going to leave my email address (is that allowed?) lwright22@verizon.net. Would appreciate all the help I can get! thanks! Leah

I use a treadmill and recumbent exercise bike due to a back injury. I had surgery on my lumbar spine and so I can't sit unsupported (like a regular exercise bike) and also mini tramps and walkers, ellipticals etc are totally out. Unfortunately I know this by experience :drool: I think I would be totally brain dead if I didn't have music dvd's on. It not only gives me beat to walk to but something to look at! Course a new murder (which I haven't seen before) is good for quieter sessions :tongue2:

Becoming diabetic along with HBP I wanted to be here a long time for my son.....on the negative side, eating dinner in the room because I had a verbally unsupportive husband who thought it was being "truthful" to call other people fat.

Didn't have surgery yet. I know some will b jealous, in other words there will b haters and unsupportive people. But it's ur health and ur life. Do u chose life or death. Wen u die they r gonna say the weight killed her she should have taken better care of herself. Now with that being said. U decide. Can't make everyone happy.

There will always be shades of gray!!!....however blatent lies for insurance purposes is not my cup of tea and not what I want to teach my children. I do feel that it is dangerous to view this surgery lightly and as a cosmetic procedure for the general public to just elect as with having botox or other cosmetic surgery. There are definate risks and post surgery behavior that must be adhered to. JQ Public is not always informed or ready to put in the full efforts required. My husband is a physician....and was totally unsupportive in my decision to have myself banded. He was thinking long term for my ultimate health and what complications could come from my decision. Of course.....I was doing all my research and speaking very candidly with the doctor/surgeon.....and only because the doctor believed that I would and could benefit greatly from the surgery and that I was a good candidate (no metabolic syndrome problems etc)...... that I continued to pursue the matter. My husband is slowly getting on board...as he can see that I am taking my health seriously and not expecting the band to do the work for me. I knew I had to intervene if I wanted to be around for the future.My BMI was 35...but with 2 co-morbidites (including a horrid sleep apnea that was ruining my health) I was lucky the insurance approved me...but if they had not....I probably would not have pursued the band...as we have too many financial burdens going on....but I would have continued to try to lose wt the "ol fashioned way......I had already lost 14 lbs from the time was measured with the bariatric program and was going through all the testing till the time I went in for surgery. Now, I have lost an additional 14 with the first month of my band....and hopefully many more to lose! There are many tests that are performed before you are accepted to have this surgery....they are all for your benefit and to reduce the risks of serious complications. The bariatric nurse......who had roux-en-y gastric bybass 8 yrs ago......had a massive heart attack one week post surgery.....and she could have died! Luckily, she recovered and was able to lose 160 pounds....and she has been an advocate for total awareness of the risks and benefits of bariatric surgery. She still says....it is a daily struggle and she must work at not slipping back into bad habits. For anyone who is stuck in a rut....and has tried and failed over and over....then it might be time for a life-preserver called Lapband Surgery. But that is a personal journey and must be an informed choice. We know ourselves and where our health is going or not going. We must take an active role if we are to succeed. I am glad that I pushed forward without the blessings of my husband....as I think this surgery will have saved my life and most definately have improved it's quality....let alone I feel I am already walking taller and seeing my confidence increase! But if people are still going to live at drive through....fast food chains and slouch in the sofa for hours on end......then ask for a surgery to right all the wrongs.....I think it would be unethical for the doctor to accept this type of person as a patient. An informed and motivated patient....that has been tested to rule out any other problems that could be harmful......should be able to have access to surgery....if a qualified doctor believes they will be able to improve their health...regardless of #'s called BMI or scales....if a doc feels the benefit outweighs the risk for you....then you should be able to follow through with surgery. If an insurance co doesn't want to pay....well.....hey....take a mortgage on your home......you might live longer to see it all paid off! Yes it is expensive....but it is the price of a quality car....and I think much more important in the long run. Smiles....diane : )

Hi Bmanns01, I've been there. You are NOT alone! We've been talking about this exact topic in the Unsupportive partners make me so angry! forum. I'm having surgery next Tuesday and I'm going alone BUT these forums have been so helpful. You are doing what you feel is best. We are all doing what we feel is best for our body, our health, and our mental state of mind. My parents, children, husband, siblings all think I am making a bad decision, but I'm not going to let their negative energy affect me. I started my pre-op diet yesterday and it was a struggle but when I weighed myself today and saw I lost 6 lbs, I knew I am on the right track. This just motivates me to keep going. I met with my PCP yesterday and she intimately knows my struggles and she was very happy for me for taking this step. This motivated me as well. So I will get on the plane on Monday, by myself, and do what I have to ensure my journey is successful. I am here for you too anytime you need to talk!

Wow what a dick. That made me so so so mad. No one can tell you you're eating the wrong thing except your surgeon, nut and yourself. Stuff him, the unsupportive git needs a good slapping. Angry on your behalf mommy

I told my parents, brother, and two closest friends. Everyone was supportive, though my mom had a few concerns. My dad has been pretty unsupportive and talking about it to lots of people even though I asked him to stop. Oh well, at least I learned not to tell him anything again lol. He is kind of resigned that I am not going to change my mind now I think, but we will see what drama the next few weeks hold. Sent from my SM-J737A using BariatricPal mobile app

I am 4'8.5" 179# getting sleeved in mexico next month. Desperately need buddy our mentor husband is totally unsupportive. Making me rethink doing this.

So I've lost 46 lbs and able to wear 13 - 14 clothes. I'm still struggling as I know I am not getting my protein in everyday like I should and haven't been able to exercise the way I should due to obligations and an unsupportive spouse. I am starting to get depressed because I am unhappy in my life. Not just the weight but life. I had just lost my job after being there 10 years when I had my surgery and now I am a different person living a different life. Is it wrong that I've changed and am no longer happy in my old life? My husband and I had problems before but now days all I think about how my life would be without him as my husband. You all probably think I'm a horrible person but I have no friends to talk to about this and cannot hold it in anymore.... Sorry.

After reading all of the post about unsupportive friends and family members, I have to say, I am so fortunate. I have many coworkers who have had this done and they are all extremely supportive. My family knows the struggles I have had over the past 25 years with my weight. They have seen me fighting and fighting and it has been a losing battle. LOL I am at other end of the spectrum. I have told everybody I am having it done! If has inspired so many people to start the process of research and looking into it for themselves. If anyone has not been supportive, they have kept it to themselves. Of course I have had concerns friends who although they don't want me to have the surgery, a very supportive of my decision. They understand my reasons for it. If there are haters they are flying under my radar and that's Judy fine with me

Thanks @allwet and @etc. etc. etc. In theory, I’m sure I can keep losing weight - even on steroids. It just means I have to work harder. I’m trying to get past the feeling that the universe is telling me that I don’t get to have this sucessful weight loss. That I got ahead of myself and I’m supposed to stay really morbidly obese. If I’m going to survive this then I need to be positive. We are have different difficulties - tough jobs, kids, unsupportive family, no time to exercise, whatever. Being sick and on these posionous drugs is just my little burden I suppose. I think I can still do this.

Hi Aviatrix, Wow -- I'm sorry that you had such a terrible experience! I read your first post in the General Support thread and my heart goes out to you -- sounds as if you've had a very, very difficult journey with your band all the way around for the last 3 years (dead surgeon, unsupportive PCP, little weight loss, overfills, reflux, nausea, sleep problems, etc.) Maybe it's time to ask for a referral to a GI specialist/radiologist to do a series of GI studies to determine exactly what's up with your band?? Maybe it is slipped (God forbid!) and a routine fill is just not going to be the answer? Bless your heart! If Dr. K isn't a good fit for you, I'd say try one of the other LB surgeons in the Denver area (I'm concluding you're local, sorry if your not), give them your history, and get a referral for some GI testing to see exactly what you're working with here. I hope this all gets worked out for you -- you've been through so much and you deserve to get healthy like everyone else on this journey. I'm a nurse and I had a very positive experience all around with Dr. K and would go back to him in a heart beat, but everyone has different needs, It sounds to me as if you need more than a fill. Hang in there and don't give up!