Folks, I cringe to read the title of my own post. I think it's every Baratric patients nightmare. The mix of embarrassment, guilt and resentment that I feel is horrid. Especially because my lapband failed and the Sleeve was supposed to work.
Now I'm not saying it did not work, I'm saying that I have seriously fallen from grace and need your help and compassion to get back up again I was doing great, working out North of an hour a day and loosing weight steady eddy! At my 4 month appointment my doc could not be prouder, he told me to keep doing what I'm doing and he'll see me in another six months...by month 6 I'd lost a total of 69lbs, and at 204lbs's I was just 1 lb shy of the big 70, and 4 lb's shy of the amazing Onederland that I have not seen in 16 years...life was good. And with my new found confidence, I finally made a move and took my dream job, that is a mix of stay at home and travel, and that was the tipping point...
Although the best career move ever, my new regimen of working from home (moving less), but even worse the travel, with the pitfalls of constant restaurant eating, company functions and buffets, I let my guard down! One carb led to another, and the travel accompanied by sedentary tiredness, socializing and pressures of breaking in and fitting into my new job left me with less focus on my bariatric journey and not much will power to dedicate.
In a short month (between month 6 and 7) I blinked and even though I maintained workouts (albiet no so intense), on sheer food alone, I gained back 10lbs!!!!!!!! Woa? How could this have happened? Surely it's Water or monthly hormonal gain, but who was I kidding...the weight stuck! In complete panic, I cut out the obvious crap that I know I was doing wrong in the carb department, and cut out the diet sodas that crept back in etc, and have lost 3 of the 10lbs in the last few weeks...but it's slow and painful and I'm so down trodden about it. How could I actually GAIN at a time when I should be in loosing honeymoon? I mean I expected this perhaps a couple years out, but the sheer ferociousness with which the lb's jumped back on is beyond scary!
So here's my problem...I've cut out the crap and I'm back to my old workout routine, BUT I'm constantly craving carbs and although I'm eating the right things...I know I'm eating too much of them and in the wrong quantities.., I get full on more than what should fill me...then 30mins latter I'm hungry again, so I pop another Protein bar, or bowl of cherries, or low at mozzarella cheese stick with a wassa cracker, or cup of lowfat yoghurt and fruit., or some nuts..you get the picture, and on some mornings I can do all of the above slowly via grazing. But I just get SOOO hungry. What happened to all the Grelin being gone?? I also eat late at night as it is when the kids go to bed, I hop on my laptop to catchup on work and I like to have a nice hot cup of tea and something to munch on.
Pals, Iike I said, I know I have only myself to blame and I feel horrid about it ...I've avoided even coming on Bariatric pal (did not want to move my ticker 6lb's UP, which I just made myself do!!!), I want to hide like an Ostrich and pretend this is not happening, I should be loosing, not regaining and trying to loose what I regained!!! ..but...I need you, and if I'm not accountable and if I don't plug into a source of help, well...I don't even want to think where I'm headed for. So any thoughts, encouragement, similar situations, advise...ANYTHING, would be so much appreciated in this time of disappointment in myself.
PS: I called my docs office after re-gaining the first 5lbs...I don't live very close to them. The nurse told me to track all I eat for 3 days and said I'll be fine "you know what to do! You got this!". But then I suddenly had to travel for work events involving TONS of the hardest to resist food, and the 5lb's became 10lbs (3 of which I have spent the last 2 weeks loosing). It's like my stomach can eat so much more now and it's constantly wanting more...I'm quite embarrassed to call my doc's office and tell them I'm further in the hole.