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I'm in puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Hopefully, and if everything goes well, in less that 12 hours I will have the VSG. I'm very nervous. It is a huge change. I'm afraid of dying, not for me, but for those I love. I would never want to make my mom or sister suffer, but I have deprived them of a life with me because I'm always depress in my house, or of feeling ashamed of my weight. I know recovery will be painful, but I hope and pray to God this goes well and I can handle everything with strength and peace. I know once I'm awake from surgery, it won't mean everything is perfect. I already had a few surgeries in the past and complications happened about 2 weeks after. So whomever is reading this and believe in the power of prayer, please send some this way. I will forever thank you. I'm having this surgery because I'm tired of seeing the best years of my life go by, and I don't do nothing about it. I'm tired of all the struggles, I'm afraid of my diabetics getting worse, I'm tired of being tired, feeling hopeless in a room isolating myself. I've suffer several emotional disorders due to my obesity and my fear of being seen like this. But is time to change my life and embrace this new opportunity. I've decided to do this journal to keep track of all the changes. I want this to be about me. I'm doing this for me but also for my family because I want to give them the best of me, and I never want to forget that they were my most important motivation. This is one of the hardes decisions I have made in my life, there is nothing easy about this surgery. I will have to find the strength to say goodbye forever to many foods that were nothing but addictive and unhealthy. I have to to this the right time this time.

June 14, 2008 Down 4 pounds in 24 hours is quite amazing to me, however, I realize that the pounds are going to just drop off here at first. Yesterday was my first day on a Pre-Op two week diet. I had 1 Slim Fast Optima, 1 Weight Control Quaker Oatmeal, a serving of grapes, 1/2 an apple, 1 can of vegetarian vegetable soup, one 8 oz glass of skim milk with a packet of Carnation Instant Breakfast (no sugar added) mixed in, and 1 cup of no-fat cottage cheese. Oh and of course plenty of water, which I love. Actually, it wasn't so bad. I kept myself busy with reading, computer work, laundry. That's the key. I need to redirect my life. I'm looking into starting my own web site so that will take some time. This morning I got up at 7:00 and took a walk with the dogs. We walked down to the pond, which is a little ways away, downhill. The dogs loved the water and romped and played. So they got their exercise too. The trudge back up the hill was a killer, but I know it will get easier with time. If I consider my alternatives, (heart attack, stroke, diabetes, death), I rather like this hiking up and down hills. The Slim Fast tasted better this morning: Strawberry Cream, which I thought would be delicious, turns out NOT to be. Plus I had a yogurt, Activia, which I didn't get in yesterday. All the foods I mentioned are all that I will eat for the next two weeks. This was given to me by the dietitian. Why, I bet I lose 20 pounds even before surgery! The dietitian explained to me that the reason for this diet is to help the liver to lose weight. Fatty tissue built up around the liver is not good and hinders absorption of proper nutrients. I know there is more to it than that. I will need to research that again. So, I'm off and running. Well, actually, not running yet. That will come later, I hope.

What is it that makes us view our bodies in such a distortion. Everytime I have lost significant weight I have always considered myself still fat. And when I was at my highest weight I didn't realize I looked so bloated and large. I mean, it is stupid things. Like before I lost I would only look at myself from the chest up, like my huge butt and stomache wasn't really there. I actually thought those long loose tops hid the bulk of my body. Swollen legs and ankles, only look at your feet in the mornings and then they didn't exist. Health concerns, no problem, they have a pill for that. High blood pressure, they have a pill for that. Except for me it was three pills. Diabetis, they have a pill for that too. Except the pills were not working and my sugar kept creaping up. Cholestrol, no big deal, I am still young and THEY HAVE A PILL FOR THAT. Heart Attack, they do bypass for that. Fatty Liver - okay now that made me stop and think. Liver transplants. Maybe I need to rethink. No one tells you or maybe they did and I didn't listen, okay I know they did and I didn't listen, about what is going to happen a few years down the road if you continue at that weight. I thought I was young and I still had plently of time. Plenty of time to loose weight, plenty of time to start walking. Plenty of time left to get healthy. Bad things only happened to other people, I was fine. Now what was it that ex husband said, repulsed, disgusting. New Hubby, accepted me fat, kind of like it was okay to be me. Okay to be fat, okay to be thin, okay to eat, okay to over eat or under eat. Never belittled me, sneak eating was a thing of the past. If I wanted it, I could finally sit in front of someone and enjoy it. Sneak eating lost it's hold. So maybe it would be okay, okay to change, okay to discover a new way. And now, here I am. I have worked my butt off to loose what I have and I still have more to loose. How did it get this far? How heavy was heavy enough? How much time did I loose? I try to look at myself different now. Try to acknowledge my progress and accept my body as it is. I know I can't go back in time, tell that stupid person that they would end up with saggy hanging skin. But this time I can be different. I can look, really look at me and see progress. Any progress is better than before. Now, if I sit just right and look down at my thighs I see slimness. I cannot believe how much thinner they look. But then if I look at them from another angle I see all the hanging skin and they look quite large. I can look in the mirror and see the difference in my waist, in my arms, are there less dimples in my elbows? Where I end up I don't know, but I'm in it for the long run. I know I will have hanging skin. But, at least there is less. Less stomach, less face, less neck and arms and don't forget the tush. But also, most important, I mean the MOST IMPORTANT, my health is better. When I think that I could have died from a heart attack or complications of diabetis. The band gave me time. And since I will be around longer I think I will accept my body this time, for the first time in my entire life. I may have a hanging stomach and varicose veins, but I now have a strong heart and liver. I think I will dance at my Grandson's wedding in twenty years.

Howdy, I just thought I'd make a "hello" post and see who I can meet here. I'm just starting this lap-band journey, made the appointment for the consult today. My current BMI is 38, so I'm not really sure if they'll consider me. The main reason I'm thinking of doing this is that I've struggled with my weight since age 15 and diets (Weight watchers mostly) have maxed out at 20 pounds lost every time. I like all the healthy food, but I just eat too much and I'm always hungry. Was this anyone else's reasoning? My mother died at age 41 of diabetes complications and weight 350 pounds. What really scares me is that I'm spot on track of her weight at my age. My concerns though mainly have to do with the fact that I'm so young. What kind of changes has everyone experienced after the surgery? Is there anything you can't do anymore? I guess it just freaks me out that I'll have this for the rest of my life (even though I know that it can be removed if something really bad happens). Who here has had a baby after the surgery? How did that go? If anyone has anything they think every "newbie" should know, I'd love to hear it. I guess I'll update after my consult, which is at the end of Nov. because the doc is out of town. Jennifer in Texas

Yep, unfill. You will become seriously depleted on such an inadequate intake and it will probably affect your weight loss too. You wont recover properly after exercise, meaning you wont build and maintain muscle.

Hi Everyone I'm Ashley I have lots of questions. I have been wanted to get the Lap band but just dont know where to start everyone keeps telling me to go to a sminar so I did at manatee memorial in bradenton that didnt get me anywhere but still looking for the right doctor to perform the surgury. I live in North Port FL and wanted to get the surgury some where near by do any of you know of any great lap band surgons in sarasota or bradent fl? how does this work after I do find a doctor is there weight that has to come off before I get the surgury?? my bmi is 54 and i weight 334 lbs

It is time to refocus! I am happy to have lost 52.6 pounds, I am happy to not have gained anything back, but I am not happy that I have become complacent. I have not lost a pound in months and I know I am not working my band properly. It is a wonder I have not gained anything back. I have let my busy, hectic life get in the way and I have lost control. I know that chips, ice cream, and those dreadful york peppermint patties go down easily and have no place in my diet. Especially when I may eat them in lieu of a healthy, balanced meal. This is something that has been nagging me for weeks and I am doing that before bed mental crap that I used to do back when I was 270+ pounds. Just as I am falling asleep I get that feeling of dread that I am still obese. I am ready to get this weight loss rolling again or in the very least start feeling like I ma working it properly and being more healthy. I have opted to try to incorporate South Beach principles into my diet because I truly believe this is a healthy way to live. I am doing Phase 1 as of yesterday to try to detox me from all the crap I was eating. I swear that helps with the craving and I hope it helps again.... Yesterday's Meal Plan B: 1 quiche cup 1 turkey sausage *I cooked 2 sausages and quiche cups but was full after 1. L: low sodium V8 3 slices ham rolled with cheese mustard coffee with 1/2&1/2 D: romaine lettuce (about 1 cup) 3oz chicken parmesan cheese light caeser dressing dessert: SF jello with cool whip snack later 2 Polly-O string cheese I figured out the calories to be 932 with 52grams fat and 82 grams protein. Per fitday. I also managed to drink more water than I have in months. I would estimate that I had 10 glasses! That was why I didn't really snack until later...no time with all that drinking and waiting after meals. I really wasn't ever hungry today though either. Yesterday was my busy day though so we will see how I do when I have more down time.

Hi everyone, I hope im doing this right. I've decided to join and get some support. I had lapband surgery on 4-18,and I have lost 11 pounds since the surgery. I started with a physician (not the surgeon) weight loss program for three months as directed by my insurance company. I lost about 10 pounds on it. After the three months, I went to see the surgeon, Dr. John Baker, prior to my surgery date. He put me on protein shakes for two weeks prior to the surgery and I lost 15 pounds. The day befor surgery, I did clear liquids and lost a few more pounds, so i'm looking at about a 30 lb loss since February. It was recommended that I have gastric bypass for the amount of weight I have to lose, but I was totally against it. These past 12 days have been interesting. My core has been especially tender, but im walking 40 minutes per day as the doctor instructed. I am on sugar free, fat free full liquids. On Thursday I can advance to soft diet and I am excited. I am almost ready to come off of my BP meds ALREADY!!!!!!

Just wanted to share the following article I found on SparkPeople today; thought it might be helpful to others. I have all my usual t-shirts and workout capris that I'm most comfortable in, but like to change up my tops from time to time. One thing I learned about -- adjustable bras (and not just the shoulder straps) that will take you through weight/size changes. http://www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?post=12_affordable_athleisure_brands_that_look_great_as_you_lose_weight

Hi there, I am so close to goal, that I can smell it, but I haven't actually reached it. I set a goal of 137 for myself, but remain at 141-143. I have not been working at getting there, so that is to blame. I am not excercising and eat cake and pie quite often. So here is my story, Around Christmas time I was around 151, then I went for a fill, cause I was headed on vacation and wanted to lose another 10 lbs, well on vacation I got down to about 141 and let me tell you I looked really good. That is when I finally realized that I wasn't fat anymore, yep everyone had been telling me but it had not clicked yet. I saw a picture of me on my sil digital camera and I saw the new me.. a thinner me, not a fat me. Well, we went dancing on vacation and my husband looked at me and said, I really don't think you need to lose anymore weight, you look perfectly fine at this weight and thats enough. I was going to get another fill on the way back from Mexico, but he didn't let me. He said I look perfect at this weight, so you see, even though I am practically at goal, I am so happy with the way I look that I haven't worked hard at reaching my goal. I have a wedding to attend on April 29 and I am hoping to lose the last 5 lbs to get to goal by then. I have bought the dress I'm wearing and it looks fabulous, so the 5 lbs lost will let me look Oscar worthy... he, heee... I am not gaining which is good, so I haven't gotten any fills since the last one about 4 mo ago. So there that is my story, sorry if I ramble on and on. If you want to see some pictures of me go to photoreflect.com and in the events name enter Hernandez, Estella and then the password is Bianca

Hi There.. I saw the commercial too..and think it was done very well... I have been contemplating getting the band done at TLBC. I went for a consultation but Im still not sure. I don't have too much weight to lose, about 40 lbs, but I have been struggling with it for years now, yo-yo'ing back and forth...Nisrine, the pre-op coordinator, was very kind and told me that I don't really need it and to take my time to really consider doing it. I think I may go ahead with it though...To lose and keep off 40 lbs for life is worth the 16 grand! Take care, Sandy

Yes, I am a very Happy Girl today! You see I have been extremely sick for the last 4 days with a severe sinus infection. :redface: I finally was able to get myself to my regular Dr for diagnosis and meds. Anyway while there they asked how the Lap banding was going... and when I said it had not been done yet, they kinda looked at me funny. Well, anyway I went to the drug store and then came home and in my mailbox was a letter from the insurance company telling me that I was APPROVED!!!:tt2: I was so excited... can I just tell you that the first thing I did was call my surgeon and say "what do we do now". :confused: And when they told me that all I needed to do was wait for the scheduling call! Well I got it last night at about 4:45. Due to my trips out of town that have been planned, one being next week... I could not take the first option of next Friday... 11/13/09 :eek: UGH! I was kinda happy that I couldn't do that on a Friday the 13th, I'm not superstitious but still... Then the second option was 12/15/2009. And again... Just as I figured :confused: I will be out of town on the 18th - 27th for the holiday. UGH #2. HOWEVER, Option #3 was January 15th 2010. :thumbup: BINGO!!! Scheduled... It is a Friday and it it 2 months away but I AM SCHEDULED!!!! Can I just say I am a happy, happy girl right now! My New Year's resolution to lose weight and live a healthy happy life as a smaller person will finally come true. Hooray for me!!! :thumbup:

Christmas was wonderful....but I'm kind of glad that the temptation is OVER and done with.... whew! There was an abundance of chocolate candy, cookies and other treats where we spent Christmas!!! I had my first fill 5 days ago, 12-30-2009. It really wasn't too bad. It didn't hurt any more than any other shot... (and not NEARLY as bad as my recent flu and tetanus shots!!) The appointment took less than 15 minutes and I was on my way. The nurse completely obstructed me (via saline) at first. She said this was to help me understand how the process of swallowing will be changing a little...and to get an idea of the feelings I may experience. (She had me sip water until I was "tipped off" and then she released the saline, so I could feel the water drain through... it was a little strange, but not distressing. She again encouraged little tiny bites, eating slowly, eating protein first, no drinking with meals -- all of which I've been practicing for the past 6 weeks! I'm glad I've had some time to build up my new habits. My hunger level has been fine over the past 6 weeks. even without a fill. I can easily go 4-6 hours between meals. It's actually kind of cool to hear my stomach growl... and to realize... oh, I need to eat something! I haven't been able to eat much at a time. Certainly not more than 1/4-1/2 a sandwich, hamburger, etc...depending on its size and the type of bread involved. (I oinch off a lot of the bread instead of eating it.) Mostly, I eat grilled chicken or baked turkey breast and soft veggies. I did have some wonderful roast this weekend that melted in my mouth! Swallowing has not been a problem. I do take little bites -- and I try to quit eating before I start to feel too full. The whole process is still amazing to me! Now that I'm home, I'm exercising again. (There was WAY too much snow and ice where we were visiting over Christmas... and the temp was in the single digits! TOO cold for this southern girl!!) But now, I'm back to doing either 30 minutes on the treadmill or on the bike. Also doing a little bit with free weights and lunges. Just easing into it and trying to make exercise a daily habit. Still AMAZED by the whole thing.... very happy and thankful that God provided this opportunity for me. :smile2: I hope anyone reading this is also experiencing positive results. HINT== Check out the thread that is all before-after pictures and you'll feel really motivated!!

Christmas was wonderful....but I'm kind of glad that the temptation is OVER and done with.... whew! There was an abundance of chocolate candy, cookies and other treats where we spent Christmas!!! I had my first fill 5 days ago, 12-30-2009. It really wasn't too bad. It didn't hurt any more than any other shot... (and not NEARLY as bad as my recent flu and tetanus shots!!) The appointment took less than 15 minutes and I was on my way. The nurse completely obstructed me (via saline) at first. She said this was to help me understand how the process of swallowing will be changing a little...and to get an idea of the feelings I may experience. (She had me sip water until I was "tipped off" and then she released the saline, so I could feel the water drain through... it was a little strange, but not distressing. She again encouraged little tiny bites, eating slowly, eating protein first, no drinking with meals -- all of which I've been practicing for the past 6 weeks! I'm glad I've had some time to build up my new habits. My hunger level has been fine over the past 6 weeks. even without a fill. I can easily go 4-6 hours between meals. It's actually kind of cool to hear my stomach growl... and to realize... oh, I need to eat something! I haven't been able to eat much at a time. Certainly not more than 1/4-1/2 a sandwich, hamburger, etc...depending on its size and the type of bread involved. (I oinch off a lot of the bread instead of eating it.) Mostly, I eat grilled chicken or baked turkey breast and soft veggies. I did have some wonderful roast this weekend that melted in my mouth! Swallowing has not been a problem. I do take little bites -- and I try to quit eating before I start to feel too full. The whole process is still amazing to me! Now that I'm home, I'm exercising again. (There was WAY too much snow and ice where we were visiting over Christmas... and the temp was in the single digits! TOO cold for this southern girl!!) But now, I'm back to doing either 30 minutes on the treadmill or on the bike. Also doing a little bit with free weights and lunges. Just easing into it and trying to make exercise a daily habit. Still AMAZED by the whole thing.... very happy and thankful that God provided this opportunity for me. I hope anyone reading this is also experiencing positive results. HINT== Check out the thread that is all before-after pictures and you'll feel really motivated!!

First off congrats on your weight loss!!! I have the same worries your not alone, I never knew how much I have relied on food, when I was mad I ate when I was happy I ate when I was sad I ate. The worst part of it all is that I am trying to deal with not having that anymore in my life. I am trying to find something I really enjoy doing or something around the house that I could do instead of always looking for something to eat to comfort me. I am scared too when I get the go ahead to eat whatever I want , I just hope that I am strong to pick the right foods to eat and with the band as a tool to eat right portions. I am so glad we have this site to beable to get the support we need and let our fustration out.

Congrats on your approval and best wishes on your weight loss journey. I will be looking forward to seeing your success

Wow! After days of freaking out..... nothing! I love my doctor. I asked my husband to leave work early and a friend to baby sit. Got to the doc's office, he congratulated me on my weight lost ( eventhough I put on 2 kilos last night celebrating my birthday which is tomorrow and I thought I should get the eating part out of the way while I could still eat - I know.... i'm bad! but the lemon tart was excellent!) Ok... ahem, sorry, got off track, I'm like hyper with excitement and relief. So I jumped on the table, lift my shirt, he asked me to put my arms behing my head, and do a semi situp. I was looking away with the fear of needles and all, 2 seconds, he told me to relax, i thought he was going to start but he said I was ready!!!!! He only put a tiny amount in .5 ml, and Im going back next month for the next and every month until I am where I am supposed to be. Completely painless! no anesthesia btw, no machine. Thank you all for your patience! tellie

yea but i actually gained wieght eating it because of the sodium ..... but while on liquids it really satisfied my cravings..... or hot and sour soup......

1-16-08 I have hit some of my Non-Scale Goals. My goals include being comfortable sitting in a chair without having a table to hide me. Being able to cross my legs and be comfortable. (especially in an airplane) My kids being able to hug me and put their arms all the way around me I realized after my son’s game last night that I was comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching him play. I wasn’t completely self conscious like I used to be. I can cross my legs. I’m not completely comfortable doing it yet, but I’m getting there. Tonight after school when each of my boys gave me a hug they were able to lock their hands together behind me. WOW! Three months after surgery. Who would have thought! My next goals are to · Weigh less than my husband · Be able to use a regular size towel and rap around me and have it stay. · Still working on crossing my legs comfortably. · I will be flying in April. I want to be more comfortable on an airplane and not wonder if the person next to me is wondering how they got stuck next to the fat chick. · I am planning to go parasailing! I wouldn’t go last year when I was at the beach in April because of my weight. I plan on being in onderland this year so I can’t wait to go!!! Whew! That is a lot! Here I go……

1-16-08 I have hit some of my Non-Scale Goals. My goals include being comfortable sitting in a chair without having a table to hide me. Being able to cross my legs and be comfortable. (especially in an airplane) My kids being able to hug me and put their arms all the way around me I realized after my son’s game last night that I was comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching him play. I wasn’t completely self conscious like I used to be. I can cross my legs. I’m not completely comfortable doing it yet, but I’m getting there. Tonight after school when each of my boys gave me a hug they were able to lock their hands together behind me. WOW! Three months after surgery. Who would have thought! My next goals are to · Weigh less than my husband · Be able to use a regular size towel and rap around me and have it stay. · Still working on crossing my legs comfortably. · I will be flying in April. I want to be more comfortable on an airplane and not wonder if the person next to me is wondering how they got stuck next to the fat chick. · I am planning to go parasailing! I wouldn’t go last year when I was at the beach in April because of my weight. I plan on being in onderland this year so I can’t wait to go!!! Whew! That is a lot! Here I go……

Hello, My name is JJ. This week I have taken the first step in getting my health together. My insurance covers weight loss surgery after 6 months of supervised dieting. Today I saw my GP and she is completely supportive of this journey, and was genuinely honest about it being a tool, not a cure all. I appreciate the honesty. I have chosen a Dr. and will attend his seminar in a few days. At that point I will fill out the paperwork and go from there. About a year ago I had a major surgery that improved my health by 75%. Since then I realize how great I can feel, and the immense pleasure of being a part of life without pain. My BMI is 41. I am 5'1" and 219lbs @ 39 yrs of age. I have thyroid disease (hypo), high triglycerides, mild sleep apnea, depression (after losing a child) and am pre-diabetic. Around 10 years ago all self-esteem issues vanished for me after the birth of our child. I finally started living life as much as possible, only being held back by pain. I buy clothes that fit, and look nice, and never agonize about what I am wearing or how it fits. I take care to look up to date, and presentable for me. I like looking nice and feeling good. My husband is FABULOUS. When we met I was around 150 and as I grew through the years his devotion and commitment to me grew even deeper. He's not a chubby chaser, but loves me and respects me. He looks like a male model still, and I have grown obese. I know I have a good, good man. My goal is to feel as great as I can, be 100% a part of life, and come off of all my meds. I am ready for this change. Thank you to everyone that is so forthcoming on this site. Just what I have read in the last few days has helped with questions and curiousness!

The whole experimental/investigational category is a bit of a catch-all for anything the insurance company doesn't want to cover. Some procedures are genuinely investigational in that they are new or novel approaches that aren't well vetted yet (which would include the SIPS/SADI, though that is getting more borderline these days) while others are ones that have been around but never gained traction or acceptance within the US medical community (such as the mini-bypass or the Scopinaro/BPD precursor to the DS, though that one was fairly well accepted in Europe.) Some companies are slower to accept newer procedures than others, even when they have been accepted or vetted by the relevant medical organization such as the ASMBS. 11-12 years ago we fought hard to get coverage from Aetna for my wife's DS with no luck while others got insurance approval for it with no problem. A couple of years later, Medicare started covering the DS, so the experimental/investigational dodge no longer worked for them. OTOH, Aetna started covering the VSG well before Medicare and other insurance companies started covering it. Go figure. Those I know who have gotten reversals on insurance decisions in this direction did so with appeals (usually several, and often to the state regulatory level) and usually had some compelling reason why their preferred procedure (typically the DS in those days) was more appropriate medically for them than the standard offered procedures. Hopefully, your surgeon can convince them with the peer-to-peer review and you can get on with life. Good luck!

Well, it was my four month anniversary two days ago. As of today, I have lost 41 pounds. I had a VERY slow beginning, but the weight is coming off steadily (usually) now. Last week, my weight went up three/four pounds, but it is back down today. Thank God for that! My goal has always been to lose about ten pounds per month. If I do that, then I should reach my goal weight right about the time I want to get pregnant! Funny! Social eating is a problem for me. Not many people know about my surgery, so I always feel I have to eat a "normal" amount of food so that I don't look like an idiot. With the band, this is impossible so I thow up. That cannot be good for my esophogus--or the band. I've noticed that all of my old habits have not gone away either...not that I expected them to just disappear. I still try to eat constantly when I'm home (on vacation). Except, now with the band, I can't eat as much and, when I do overeat (notice I said when, not if), I throw up. It mystifies me that I would rather have the horrible throwing up feeling than just eat what I'm supposed to. I know I will fail if I continue these horrible habits. On the up side, I am FINALLY seeing some results with regard to clothes. I can't believe how much better I look. Without clothes, I don't see a difference at all. WITH clothes, I'm looking almost normal!!! Well, still very large, but not "OH MY GOD" large. Yeah!!!!! I'm having fun clothes shopping, but spending WAY too much money!!!! My husband is enjoying the new me though! The lowest I've EVERY weighed in my adult life is 240. I can't even imagine what it will be like below that. I feel like my weight loss doesn't even start until then, because I've been there before and gained it all back. In my head, it seems like 240 is my starting point. I'm 9 pounds away, and I can't wait to get into the new weights!!! Well, here's to a great week and to meeting my goal of 235 by Valentine's Day!!! Jennie

Beginning Weight: 263 Weight to Date: 243 June 23, 2008. 11am. I walked into the OR which felt like the opening credits to Six Feet Under. Light aqua colored lights that should remind me of the ocean but just borderline sterile. Thank god the people in the OR were funny because that is the last thing I remember. Waking from the anesthesia went smoothly. I thought I would have a bad reaction since I am (was?) a smoker. From recovery I was moved to my private room on the third floor. Drugs are nice. Flowers. Daytime TV. The hospital stay was more pleasant than I thought it would be. Time to go home. I just put a fucking plastic band around my stomach! Am I fucking nutzo!? Quietly freaking myself out, my mother and I make a pit stop at Wild By Nature to get the Whey Protein shake that would take over my diet for the next two weeks. People speaking to me at check out. Cell phone ringing. My mother gossiping about my Aunt. It all sounded like Charlie Brown’s Teacher. My Bed. New Sheets. New Duvet. New Curtains. New Life. My body was at rest and comfy in my new digs, but my brain had completely vacated my comfort zone. The next week was like no other. Bloat. Passing gas was now a luxury. Drinking a sip of water was like drinking a gallon. To top it off the family was in town. It’s a blessing I live with roommates. But perseverance reared its head, and with all of my supports around me, I did what I needed to do to make myself well. I walked. 20 minutes: Three times a day. I focused on my goal and why I did this, trying to block the depressive thoughts and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that I have been looking for the past 27 years. But that dark tunnel was so comfortable. My tunnel. It was a Night Club of fun. Smoking. Drinking. A few hits of pot. Indulging in great food. Man its fun. But that was the only fun I knew, or at least wanted to keep around. So the light of new fun is a bit frightening. I am starting school in the fall for a profession completely different than my previous career. Most people don’t know who, what or where they will be in two years. But as of right now I can see and know that mine will be completely different in that time. I have never met that person before. Thin. Healthy. Social Worker. That’s going to be me. See ya later Fat, unhealthy, smoking, Graphic Designer. God, you were so cool :wink: I can only hope Thin Healthy Social Worker will inherit your coolness. I am sure she will. Hey, at least you’ll still have cool glasses

April 12, 2009 188 lbs. Everything that I have tried to eat has gotten stuck the past few days. I have tried to search the forum that discussed the TOM, but I have been unsuccessful. I just hope this tightness ends when my TOM ends. I am losing weight because I cannot eat. I have tried to increase my intake of fluids to compensate for my lack of nourishment.