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Becoming diabetic along with HBP I wanted to be here a long time for my son.....on the negative side, eating dinner in the room because I had a verbally unsupportive husband who thought it was being "truthful" to call other people fat.

Didn't have surgery yet. I know some will b jealous, in other words there will b haters and unsupportive people. But it's ur health and ur life. Do u chose life or death. Wen u die they r gonna say the weight killed her she should have taken better care of herself. Now with that being said. U decide. Can't make everyone happy.

There will always be shades of gray!!!....however blatent lies for insurance purposes is not my cup of tea and not what I want to teach my children. I do feel that it is dangerous to view this surgery lightly and as a cosmetic procedure for the general public to just elect as with having botox or other cosmetic surgery. There are definate risks and post surgery behavior that must be adhered to. JQ Public is not always informed or ready to put in the full efforts required. My husband is a physician....and was totally unsupportive in my decision to have myself banded. He was thinking long term for my ultimate health and what complications could come from my decision. Of course.....I was doing all my research and speaking very candidly with the doctor/surgeon.....and only because the doctor believed that I would and could benefit greatly from the surgery and that I was a good candidate (no metabolic syndrome problems etc)...... that I continued to pursue the matter. My husband is slowly getting on board...as he can see that I am taking my health seriously and not expecting the band to do the work for me. I knew I had to intervene if I wanted to be around for the future.My BMI was 35...but with 2 co-morbidites (including a horrid sleep apnea that was ruining my health) I was lucky the insurance approved me...but if they had not....I probably would not have pursued the band...as we have too many financial burdens going on....but I would have continued to try to lose wt the "ol fashioned way......I had already lost 14 lbs from the time was measured with the bariatric program and was going through all the testing till the time I went in for surgery. Now, I have lost an additional 14 with the first month of my band....and hopefully many more to lose! There are many tests that are performed before you are accepted to have this surgery....they are all for your benefit and to reduce the risks of serious complications. The bariatric nurse......who had roux-en-y gastric bybass 8 yrs ago......had a massive heart attack one week post surgery.....and she could have died! Luckily, she recovered and was able to lose 160 pounds....and she has been an advocate for total awareness of the risks and benefits of bariatric surgery. She still says....it is a daily struggle and she must work at not slipping back into bad habits. For anyone who is stuck in a rut....and has tried and failed over and over....then it might be time for a life-preserver called Lapband Surgery. But that is a personal journey and must be an informed choice. We know ourselves and where our health is going or not going. We must take an active role if we are to succeed. I am glad that I pushed forward without the blessings of my husband....as I think this surgery will have saved my life and most definately have improved it's quality....let alone I feel I am already walking taller and seeing my confidence increase! But if people are still going to live at drive through....fast food chains and slouch in the sofa for hours on end......then ask for a surgery to right all the wrongs.....I think it would be unethical for the doctor to accept this type of person as a patient. An informed and motivated patient....that has been tested to rule out any other problems that could be harmful......should be able to have access to surgery....if a qualified doctor believes they will be able to improve their health...regardless of #'s called BMI or scales....if a doc feels the benefit outweighs the risk for you....then you should be able to follow through with surgery. If an insurance co doesn't want to pay....well.....hey....take a mortgage on your home......you might live longer to see it all paid off! Yes it is expensive....but it is the price of a quality car....and I think much more important in the long run. Smiles....diane : )

Hi Bmanns01, I've been there. You are NOT alone! We've been talking about this exact topic in the Unsupportive partners make me so angry! forum. I'm having surgery next Tuesday and I'm going alone BUT these forums have been so helpful. You are doing what you feel is best. We are all doing what we feel is best for our body, our health, and our mental state of mind. My parents, children, husband, siblings all think I am making a bad decision, but I'm not going to let their negative energy affect me. I started my pre-op diet yesterday and it was a struggle but when I weighed myself today and saw I lost 6 lbs, I knew I am on the right track. This just motivates me to keep going. I met with my PCP yesterday and she intimately knows my struggles and she was very happy for me for taking this step. This motivated me as well. So I will get on the plane on Monday, by myself, and do what I have to ensure my journey is successful. I am here for you too anytime you need to talk!

Wow what a dick. That made me so so so mad. No one can tell you you're eating the wrong thing except your surgeon, nut and yourself. Stuff him, the unsupportive git needs a good slapping. Angry on your behalf mommy

I told my parents, brother, and two closest friends. Everyone was supportive, though my mom had a few concerns. My dad has been pretty unsupportive and talking about it to lots of people even though I asked him to stop. Oh well, at least I learned not to tell him anything again lol. He is kind of resigned that I am not going to change my mind now I think, but we will see what drama the next few weeks hold. Sent from my SM-J737A using BariatricPal mobile app

So I've lost 46 lbs and able to wear 13 - 14 clothes. I'm still struggling as I know I am not getting my protein in everyday like I should and haven't been able to exercise the way I should due to obligations and an unsupportive spouse. I am starting to get depressed because I am unhappy in my life. Not just the weight but life. I had just lost my job after being there 10 years when I had my surgery and now I am a different person living a different life. Is it wrong that I've changed and am no longer happy in my old life? My husband and I had problems before but now days all I think about how my life would be without him as my husband. You all probably think I'm a horrible person but I have no friends to talk to about this and cannot hold it in anymore.... Sorry.

After reading all of the post about unsupportive friends and family members, I have to say, I am so fortunate. I have many coworkers who have had this done and they are all extremely supportive. My family knows the struggles I have had over the past 25 years with my weight. They have seen me fighting and fighting and it has been a losing battle. LOL I am at other end of the spectrum. I have told everybody I am having it done! If has inspired so many people to start the process of research and looking into it for themselves. If anyone has not been supportive, they have kept it to themselves. Of course I have had concerns friends who although they don't want me to have the surgery, a very supportive of my decision. They understand my reasons for it. If there are haters they are flying under my radar and that's Judy fine with me

I agree with poster above. While he will support you because it is what you want to do, surgery could be scary to him. It is drastic to have surgery to lose weight (not saying I don't believe in it). If he doesn't understand the procedure, he might be worried but not want to share it with you for fear of looking unsupportive. Remember in the late 90s there was a lot of news on the death rate of gastric bypasses (2.5%, and as high as 5%)....well, when I told my hubby that I was choosing this option, he responded the same way. He just thought all bariatric surgery was the same. Even with approval, he responded the same way. I couldn't get him to perk up. A friend of his had a sister who went though bariatric surgery and struggled to regain health. He choose not to educate himself and just had this horrible picture in his head that I was going to croak on the table. He even asked me for my life insurance information twice! I told him to stuff it, that the procedure was easier than a gall bladder removal and that knew because I work in the OR! He put on a strong face the day of surgery even though I could tell he was frightened. He perked up after surgery (when he saw that I didn't die) and has been supportive since. best of luck! I love my choice!

I have been so completely hyped up about the LAP-BAND®® that I cant stop thinking about it. There are several people that I am not sure whether I will be telling them about it or not, but there is one friend I have at school that I decided to tell. Her reaction totally bummed me. I was chatting with her and she basically kept asking me questions like "Well, if you have to exercise and eat healthy anyways.. why do you need the band, cant you just save the money?" :biggrin: I tried to answer the question but she really caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting a negative response from her so my answer probably came out sounding dumb. She kept saying "i totally support you, but.." followed with something totally unsupportive. Mentioning how she knows so many people including herself that have lost 60 lbs or more the natural way or something about "saving the money". I told her that the money is not my concern and I tried to tell her that the LAP-BAND®® will be a great motivation and help me eat less, but I just feel like I didn't have the right words to explain to her why the LAP-BAND®® is different than just a regular diet. Anyone been though this and have some advice?? I plan to tell her that its my money and my decision and I appreciate her concern but I would also like to either have her support or if thats not possible, to just not make it a topic of conversation, but I know these questions will arise again with other people. I want to plan a good response so I dont look like a fool

Cali...I agree regarding the chiro, but the comment about not wanting to tell anyone makes you worry that people are afraid they will fail...well that's just not fair. I don't tell, not because I'm ashamed, but I just don't want to hear anyone else's opinion on it and risk peope who would either be verbally unsupportive or try to sabotage me.

Oh yeah, we're going to succeed! (yes, we will indeed, 98 3/4 percent guaranteed) I think we're the best month, don't ya'll? Yesterday... that was hard. My boyfriend got my daughter her easter basket stuff and I specifically said "don't get a lot of candy, I want to get her more exciting stuff - a book, a movie, some jewelry or something"... so what does he get her? Gummy worms, a huge bag of reese's Peanut Butter cups, cadbury eggs, and a HUGE foot tall chocolate BUNNY. (And some non-candy stuff, but not much) So they were all walking around the house eating candy and then talking to me with their chocolate peanut butter breath, and my boyfriend said "can't you just have ONE?". I said "sure, I can have ONE. Then tomorrow what, will I have ONE again? Then the next day it'll 'just be one'"??? I think he felt bad then. He just wants me to be happy with myself, I know. This makes him look unsupportive and he isn't, but I think he had a weak moment. Blah. I am glad I didn't give into that. I was thinking about every day going into the bag and getting about 5 of the Reese's and bringing them to work for the people here at work. Then slowly they will all be gone, and between the two of them they will think the other is eating them. Hahahahaha. :smile:

WOW, thank god for your post! I was going to the website thinnertimes.com. I posted something similar to yurs and the response was so unsupportive. I guess people forgot about their first few weeks. I have been able to eat what I want also and was scared. My surgery was December 17th and I am supposed to be on pureed but feel like I screwed up by eating. I put myself back on liquids and boy is it hard. I am eating less then i was before but am starving! I am trying though and after this post, feel i am doing ok! I guess it is bandster hell. Thank you, this really helps you get through it. My first fill is Jan 20th and i cannot wait! Hang in there! One day at a time! Thank you again!

I wish this was uncommon, but I really don't think it is. I'm sorry you have to go through it, and although this makes her appear to be a self centered judgmental jerk, I would bet she's also jealous. I was banded 8 years ago and my dearest friend in the world was totally against it. She could not believe I would do something so "drastic". She stated her opinions and concerns often but once it was done, there wasn't much left to say. She didn't immediately drop me as a friend, it took about 6 months. I no longer wanted to go eat at Denny's at 2am, instead I wanted her to go to the gym with me or walks at night. I didn't want to have movie and cookie night, I wanted to skip the cookie part. The things that we did together often revolved around food. As my relationship with food changed, ours did too. When she decided I had changed and we couldn't be friends anymore, I was devastated. We had been besties since college and it was a tough loss. Time went on, I missed her but I didn't dwell on it. Fast forward 3 years, one day out of the blue I got an email from her. It was very long and heartfelt, I cried reading it. She apologized for being unsupportive, admitted she had been jealous that I had the guts to make the changes she wished she could. She had missed me as much as I missed her and wanted to try to mend the relationship Today, she is my bestie, I love her to death. I just had band to bypass conversion and she's been by my side. Her opinion has changed about wls and is starting her supervised 6 month diet. What your friend has done is awful, the blog hurts, my friend wrote one too and it sucked. But know this has nothing to do with you, these are her own demons. If she is truly a friend, she will eventually come around and then it is for you to decide if the friendship is worth pursuing. Right now is your time to be selfish, you are taking control of you life. Let her figure out her own, alone.

I agree, find a new doctor! Don't let yourself be miserable just because your doctor was an unsupportive jerk. I drive almost 2 hours each way to see a good doctor and I can tell you, it makes all the difference in the world. A good doctor is concerned about his/her outcomes and wants to see the patients succeed and will work with you to help you through any issues you have. Good luck to you!

I am so sorry that you left feeling unsupported, I didn't read your post but will head there now. Please know that the intent of everyone on this board is to support and be supported. Hopefully we can give you what you need next time. Anna

I'm not so sure but I'm begining to think that the majority of the "men" that don't have a problem with weight are unsupportive & smartass's when it comes to us. B'cuz my man although we aren't married he is the same way I cook for him everyday although most the time I don't eat because he is a beef eater and I can't eat beef....BUT never-the-less he knows that i've been trying really hard to meet my goal weight and lastnight he really up-set me....maybe I'm too sensitive but he's all the time telling me "you don't need to lose anymore weight, your fine how u are if i didn't like u big then I wouldn't be with u" well he knew that I had my surgery when we first got together to be smaller I didn't do this for him I did it for myself but lastnight we was talking about my doctor's appt. Monday I'm hoping I've lost atleast 20lbs when i go back but he just comes out of no-where and says "no I don't believe u've lost anything b'cuz if u had I would be able to pick u up and carry you"........that hurt my feelings because he knows I'm senstive ....and he's skinny so it doesn't matter what he eats or how much he eats......I just think that all men are unsensitive and smartass's to a certain extent....i'll get over this eventually....lol but I think that maybe we should be like them in certain cases....something that's really special or important to them that they are sensitive about just bash it like they do us at times......LOL i don't know I'm ramblin'.....but you wasn't at all hard on him he deserves for u to be angry with him...

I have gotten rid of: *Clothes that were 3 sizes larger; *The feeling that trying to lose weight was futile; *Several hundred pounds of "friends" who were unsupportive; *The thought that running a 5K race was impossible (I'm running several this summer); *The fear that getting Type 2 Diabetes was inevitable for me.

My dry cleaners closed while I was away for plastics! 😭 I have a totally unproven and unsupported theory. I think I may have protected my metabolism by being very flexible during my WL mode. I would eat mostly strictly when I was at home. But was a lot looser when I was traveling. I think maybe I kept my body guessing by not getting into a routine or predictable macro or calorie level. I have nothing to back this up though ...

In my experience, the materials given to bariatric patients and "support" from paraprofessionals and insurance company nursing consultants have not caught up to the science. (The welcome brochure from the hospital has a scale indicating "calories in / calories out." Bogus!) They are still talking about emotional eating and obesity as a failure of self-control. This is not only dated but cruel, and counterproductive. My surgeon is the only one among her staff that is apparently willing/able to discuss the complex mix of genetics, gut microbes, hormones, and obesogenic factors that may underly my BMI. Imagine a breast cancer patient being forced to walk a gauntlet of people who assumed her morally culpable for her DNA, toxic mattress, drinking Water, medications, stress levels, etc, and asked her on every form, in every conversation, "what have you done?" and "what are you doing?" to prevent these cells from invading your body. This is not trivial, as our ideas about our own obesity appear to be critical to success after surgery: http://esciencenews.com/articles/2014/10/23/how.people.view.their.own.weight.influences.bariatric.surgery.success I view my excess weight like it's a cancer, a growth I do not want, did not ask for, and YES, may have encouraged through any number of life choices. (For starters, I should have refused all those antibiotics. I should have been eating anti-inflammatory foods, not low fat, in my crazy youth. I should have married someone who cooked, and moved to a bike-friendly city. So many wrong choices!) If some day, in spite of our efforts to protect them from cancer and obesity, my children end up seeking treatment, I hope they get it from professionals whose prejudices do not infect their care. Who give them facts, not unsupported ideas, about the best route to health. Oh, and about all those inflammatory processed bariatric "foods" my clinic is pushing? Don't get me started. /endrant

I had a similar experience with a close friend who tried to talk me out of it. I explained in doing this for my health, that they don't understand the struggle I have with the desire to want to consume more than what is a healthy portion of food, and yes I can lose the weight without surgery, but the band is going to help me keep it off, which the dozen other diets I've been have shown that yes I can lose it, but keeping it off is the issue. In the end, I just had to block out those unsupportive comments and focus on the supportive comments and behaviors from other friends, all with the mindset that the lap band surgery is something I'm going for myself so my opinion is the most important.

Do whats comfortable for you. You may find afterwards, when you start getting nice comments, it's easier to tell. But there's nothing wrong with "keeping it in the family", if thats what you are comfortable with. I am finding I would gladly shout it from the top of the highest skyscraper! I have surprised my self with how many people I have lifted my shirt for and shown them my stitches, and now healing scars. I haven't had one unsupportive thing said to me. Family, friends, other parents in Boy Scouts, neighbors, etc. And to think, it used to irritate me when people would put their hands on my belly during my pregnancies to feel the baby kick without asking first. Now I'm walking around in public being an exhibitionist!!!:smile2:

Look I get it, pro-lifers want to press their unsupported theories on everyone. Look I get it, pro-lifers want to call what amounts to same as living tissue in a jar a separate human being. I get that pro-lifers don't want the woman to have rights to there own bodies. See, I can also throw out irrelevant talking points to make a point. Yay, go go insensibilities! As of right now, yes that is how I define it. Because in reality land noone knows when life starts and what constitutes as life. I don't want to pass laws on what I believe but rather what I know. And I know there is plenty of reasons to have an abortion and little other then damage to the woman to be against it. Have a nice day in Theoryville. Hopefully your plane lands in Constitution Town soon.

I hope this is the right thread.. my husband doesn't support my decision to have vsg.. thinks its unnatural.. not a good idea.. of course he's found someone with complications and further States his case.. he's very controlling and always doesn't understand y I can't "just go on a diet..exercise more".. I really wanna go this and I think its right for me.. but I don't think my marriage would make it.. should I not do it cause he's insecure and afraid I'm gonna leave once I start loosing the weight? Thanks for listening..

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded to this. But because of all of the helpful and incredibly kind comments I felt the need to update. I haven’t logged in in a while, I actually deleted myself off of all social media. I have an app that I take pictures every 3 days and I measure/weigh myself, and that is the only documentation that I need. At the advice of my Therapist (whom I’ve moved to seeing twice a week in these last 3 weeks) I did this to focus on me and my journey and not to let unsupportive people even enter my thought process. I can honestly say I’ve lost all of my people but my mom, dad and brother. One of the “friends” came around when she came to my house last week to pick up some tickets because I’ve been extremely ill the last 2 weeks (I’ve kept about 750 total calories down in 11 days and have had to get IV fluids twice, have to go back to the surgeon Monday 😕 I’ve gained 6 lbs back and have been so upset because NUT said my body is actually going into like “caveman mode”) When I walked out of the house she said “Holy sh!t, G you look absolutely amazing, I’m so proud of you.” And I’m not gonna lie, I busted into tears on my front porch. She then told me that I had inspired her to get back in the gym and she bought a digital food scale with the app like mine and same for the digital body scale. She actually looks really good as well. I’m really glad she came around. We’ve been supporting eachother now, in different ways (I’m not cleared to do anything but walk still— 47 days out) but keeping eachother accountable. The other 3, I don’t speak to anymore and the negativity that has left my life has been amazing. I don’t allow my family to post photos of me or anything anywhere so only the people that I have chosen (my family essentially) have been who have known so far. And that’ll be it. As you all know, this is hard. It’s SO hard. I was run over by a 1 ton vehicle and had 8 operations and had to learn to walk again 3 different times and that was a county fair cake walk compared to this. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. I know you’re strangers on a message board, but you guys have been better “friends” and support system than I could ever imagine and I’m so so grateful for each and every one of you.