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How much support is your spouse giving you?
muddieguryl replied to spoiltmom's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I agree with poster above. While he will support you because it is what you want to do, surgery could be scary to him. It is drastic to have surgery to lose weight (not saying I don't believe in it). If he doesn't understand the procedure, he might be worried but not want to share it with you for fear of looking unsupportive. Remember in the late 90s there was a lot of news on the death rate of gastric bypasses (2.5%, and as high as 5%)....well, when I told my hubby that I was choosing this option, he responded the same way. He just thought all bariatric surgery was the same. Even with approval, he responded the same way. I couldn't get him to perk up. A friend of his had a sister who went though bariatric surgery and struggled to regain health. He choose not to educate himself and just had this horrible picture in his head that I was going to croak on the table. He even asked me for my life insurance information twice! I told him to stuff it, that the procedure was easier than a gall bladder removal and that knew because I work in the OR! He put on a strong face the day of surgery even though I could tell he was frightened. He perked up after surgery (when he saw that I didn't die) and has been supportive since. best of luck! I love my choice! -
Anyone have a Doctor who did not approve?
ChiGirl replied to momoftwo's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
Sorry for your unsupportive doctor experience. I would hope that instead of urging against surgery, she would try to help you get the surgery closer to home so that she could be involved in your care. You're doing the right thing -- surgery or not -- by taking control of your own health. If I were you I'd find a new doctor as soon as you get back from surgery. My experience is completely opposite. My doctor suggested surgery as an option almost two years ago and I've resisted it. It wasn't until I learned about the sleeve that I started thinking about it. Now I'm at the insurance approval stage. -
I'm sure your husband has one or 2 physical flaws that make him feel self-conscious; every time he mentions your hair, just casually ask him when he's going to address that unibrow, nose hair, love handles, grey pubes- whatever! Stare at his gut (or whatever) for a moment with one eyebrow lifted, silently shake your head before going back to your book... Be consistant- he'll get the message! :thumbup1: Another suggestion is just laying down the law. Tell him that you don't want to hear ONE MORE WORD about your hair- that you consider his hounding comments to be unsupportive, disloyal, and destructive. Tell him that for EACH and EVERY single future comment from this point on, you will go to the hair salon and have one inch cut off. Make sure that you follow through immediately. Go and DO IT. It should only take one trim for him to get the message that you are serious, and that you've had it with his unsupportive immature bullsh*t. He's supposed to be in your corner- not making you feel worse about something you already feel bad about and cannot control. Good luck!
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So Totally Frustrated with everything.....
2beskinny replied to ruslgrl2's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
So sorry that you are having a tough time right now. Your families determination to de-rail you is especially upsetting! Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to "make" them be supportive. You decided that this was the best choice for you. You have your husband's support and that is what matters the most. Move forward with confidence and grace throughout the rest of the process...let your unsupportive family members think what they want. In the end, they will either be proud or jealous of you. You can't control their feelings, only yours! I use these forums for support and advice as I have only told my husband and my sister. I'm not talking "daily" about this surgery to anyone. Reading the postings helps me to contemplate all the situations that I may be faced with by choosing this path. I would recommend only using your own scale and weigh yourself naked in the am...then, that's it! No more stepping on! And please - stay off other's scales...yikes...nothing good has ever come from that Best of luck to you!!! -
What surgery can i tell people i've had instead of telling them about the sleeve?
delawaregal replied to jemmacahill's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I only told a few people pre-op because I did not want their opinions. Post-op, I say I had weight loss surgery. No one has been unsupportive. At 59 I just don't care what other people think very much anymore. I did not want people to think I had cancer if I lost a lot weight quickly. I also thought that maybe if someone else was thinking about it or obese they might want to talk to me about it. I just saw no reason to make up a story, but that is my personal preference. I would not be able to keep track of who knew and who did not. It's just easier I don't have to make up reasons for my eating habits and I didn't have any good reason not to tell the truth. -
Hello, my name is possumtrot
possumtrot replied to possumtrot's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
Can't help but think this is "meant to be". I had been dreading telling my dr. and he was enthusiastic. Just got off the phone to tell my mom about the surgery date. She is uber supportive and wants to go with to take care of me. Makes me wonder why I feel such dread telling folks...guess I'm just afraid someone important to me and this journey will be unsupportive and I don't want to hear it? I feel so much better after telling Mom. I'd rather have her with me than my son (sorry boy) so we'll see how this works out. I'm having a major cleaning frenzy digging deep into the corners and am sure I'll be exhausted by this evening. But it will be nice to have a spick and span house! All we'll have to do is maintain it for the next couple of weeks so I can come back to a relatively clean house. Yay! -
Grl! I'm so so sorry to hear about your going through this delicate time. I was married 12 years and now divorced for 10 years. When I got my band though I was living with a man that was very unsupportive. Therefore, I can relate to some of your heartache. But know that there's a light and it's within YOU! You can do this. Take time out to take care of YOU so that you can take care of your kids. Anything I can do to help encourage you along the way just let me know. Hang in there!!
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very disappointed in this site
wannalise replied to mp8btpc's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
I am so sorry that you left feeling unsupported, I didn't read your post but will head there now. Please know that the intent of everyone on this board is to support and be supported. Hopefully we can give you what you need next time. Anna -
Losing...or not...as the case may be
lat1nacurv3s commented on grlwunderkas's blog entry in Blog 41238
Hi Grl!! I can totally relate to your story and if you need encouragement we can encourage one another. I was banded 11/07. Up until just 1/10 I had only lost 30lbs! My plateau was due to stress. I was told even by my doctor that stress can hinder weight loss. I was living with a man that was totally against my having surgery to begin with. And was very unsupportive of my efforts to losing weight and getting healthy. Thankfully I'm out of that relationship and he is not longer a part of my life. Since 1/10 I've lost 26lbs!! I had to really look within myself and decide that this is what I was going to do and recommit to my band. I set mini goals for myself, started working out and preparing my meals for work. Weekends I usually eat whatever but still being mindful to get my 60+ grms of protein in. I on the other hand I have stretched my pouch too! Therefore, I'm able to consume more food than before. I'm not suggesting that this might be what's going on with you, not even implying that you may be under stress. But if you've not lost any weight in a significant amount of time then sOmethings going on. Weather it be your diet or lack of exercise, stress, I don't know? But that doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you either. Just means you need to set some boundaries for yourself to follow. And get back the mind set you had when you first went into this. When's the last time you visited your doctor? I try to go every 6 months for a check up. Good luck and hope to read from you soon! -
So I was thinking back to when I first got my band (11/2007). WOW, that was almost 3 years ago. At that time I was living with a man that was very unsupportive. From the day of surgery he argued with me about having it done. But I was determined because it is what I wanted. And heck who was he to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body!! He made it very difficult for me to stay on track. Always offering me fattening sugary foods... "slider" foods that were easy for me to get down. Ice cream, chocolate bars and even cookies. WTH? I don't know how I managed to not gain any of my weight back? I guess subconsciously I knew I had to stop and not ever over indulge myself. 2 years after I finally got rid of him and for good!! That was last summer (6/09). It took me the rest of the year to get back on my feet. A lot of great things happened during this process, I bought a home for me and my kids, I bought a new car. The one thing I hadn't done yet was drop weight still at a plateau but hey I'm not complaining! Finally in January of this year (1/10) I decided that I was ready to do ME! Here I go minding my own business and BAM I meet the man of my dreams, the love of my life! And he's been so amazing to me and supports me, encourages me, and accepts me just as I am. Weight is still slow in coming off, 26lbs since January. But it's 26lbs on top of what I had already lost putting me at 56lbs LOST FOR GOOD! Being back in the forums has also been great motivation for me. I love reading all the blogs and testimonials from everyone. It's also supportive and encouraging. THANK YOU for sharing your success and even your not so success. We need to hear from you no matter what so we can help lift you when you don't feel like getting up. I can't imagine being without my band. I LOVE IT! And I wouldn't trade it for the world! S240/C184/SG170 by Aug 3rd)/LG140 by Nov 14th Height 5' 2.5" Banded 11/14/07
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Did you tell anyone you were having surgery?
Blaze21 replied to losethemess's topic in General Weight Loss Surgery Discussions
I told my mother and my younger sister. And two of my friends I regret telling my family as they were very unsupportive and are now jealous of my weight loss. My two friends don't even mention it, which is good for me. -
I am sorry that you have such an unsupportive husband!! It is awful that he is sabotaging your goals in this way!!!! I cannot believe he called you "dammaged goods" That comment alone made me very angry! There is no reason for him to say something so hurtful. That comment doesn't show that he loves you and is worried about you. That comment was said to undermine your desire to change your life. If it helps any remember that he is a grown man. He will not wither and cease to exist because you are making a change. If he wants to eat bad foods you are not his mother and nothing you can do will make him change. He will have to come to that place on his own. My thoughts are with you. No one deserves to live in an environment where they are under appreciated and held down. Do not let him squish you!...
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Unsupportive Partner?
kimkbaker replied to BigLoser's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I am glad to hear that I am not the only one that has an unsupportive family. Both my parents and brother all think that I am stupid for having this surgery. I have tried for years to loose weight and keep it off with no success. It is very hurtful to have the people that are supposed to support you unconditionally not be on your side. I know that my decision to have the sleeve is the right one for me that will help me not only loose the weight but also medically help me to reduce my medical issues that I have as well. -
Any July Bandsters.....
Nicole74 replied to glamgyrl76's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Im scheduled july 30th!!To the ladies who have the unsupportive friends--these people are just ignorant and do not understand this process and what all it takes and the hard work involved. It takes really learning and educating yourself in order to understand how it all works. surround yourself with positive and supportive people because these are the people that will make a difference in your success!! Im really excited about having the surgery but scared as well. I dont trust myself with food so I have doubts too..but you have to find it in yourself to make it happen....and make it work. -
Struggling with making changes...
deletedsally replied to Jenn100's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Hi Jenn, It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with the responsibilities of taking care of children and having a busy lifestyle. It's almost always hard to find the time to take good care of yourself when you are busy taking care of everyone else in the family--and it becomes even more complicated when your partner is sabotaging your success by bringing unhealthy foods into the home. My children are older, but I babysit for my grandchildren (2 & 4), and it seems like the things that I need to do for myself always get put aside on the days that I have them...Maybe I don't have time to take a shower until bedtime...or there's no time to exercise...or I forget to drink my fluids because I'm so busy chasing them and cleaning up messes...I definitely can't take the time to record my food... My experience is that everything that you can do to simplify your life will help. You can't change your husband...but sometimes talking to a counselor can help when our spouse are unsupportive. It might not change your circumstances, but it might help you get to the root causes of feeling unhappy, and begin to make changes that you would feel good about! Hope you start feeling better soon! -
I have been so completely hyped up about the LAP-BAND®® that I cant stop thinking about it. There are several people that I am not sure whether I will be telling them about it or not, but there is one friend I have at school that I decided to tell. Her reaction totally bummed me. I was chatting with her and she basically kept asking me questions like "Well, if you have to exercise and eat healthy anyways.. why do you need the band, cant you just save the money?" :biggrin: I tried to answer the question but she really caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting a negative response from her so my answer probably came out sounding dumb. She kept saying "i totally support you, but.." followed with something totally unsupportive. Mentioning how she knows so many people including herself that have lost 60 lbs or more the natural way or something about "saving the money". I told her that the money is not my concern and I tried to tell her that the LAP-BAND®® will be a great motivation and help me eat less, but I just feel like I didn't have the right words to explain to her why the LAP-BAND®® is different than just a regular diet. Anyone been though this and have some advice?? I plan to tell her that its my money and my decision and I appreciate her concern but I would also like to either have her support or if thats not possible, to just not make it a topic of conversation, but I know these questions will arise again with other people. I want to plan a good response so I dont look like a fool
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New - researching sleeve as a possible revision
Lynn B replied to Lynn B's topic in Revision Weight Loss Surgery Forums (NEW!)
Being reversible was not one of the reasons I picked the band - I didn't want my stomach cut and I certainly didn't want to dump or end up with vit/mineral deficiencies. Now I know I don't want to be fat again and I also know that left with no tool that is exactly what would happen. I really don't want another surgery but I also don't want to go through this again in 1, 2, or 5 years down the road. If not caught in time dilation can lead to strangulation of part of the stomach and it can die and need to be removed. I would rather control what part of my stomach is removed. So even if my dilation resolves I'm leaning toward going for the revision. I am surprised to find that of the very few people I've told (who were all supportive of my original choice) they seem a bit unsupportive now?? I'm getting comments like "Oh you know how to eat now so you don't need that" WTH, People that I thought understood that without help I will not keep this weight off - or finally get to goal are no longer people that I can talk to. I'm confused again....grrrrrr. I'm glad there are people here that have been where I am now. -
What have you gotten rid of since surgery?
bella71 replied to Astrasmom's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I have gotten rid of: *Clothes that were 3 sizes larger; *The feeling that trying to lose weight was futile; *Several hundred pounds of "friends" who were unsupportive; *The thought that running a 5K race was impossible (I'm running several this summer); *The fear that getting Type 2 Diabetes was inevitable for me. -
My best friend of 13yrs has been so unsupportive of me, I was banded 3 1/2 weeks ago and she did not call or text message me for the first 4 days to even see how I was feeling. Now all that comes out of her mouth is you can just watch your calories and lose it and I say yeah we see how well that was working for me. Now I feel as if I don't even want to be around her at all anymore. She is overweight as well so I think it may be a little bit of jealousy that she's I am losing some weight and working out everyday and eating healthy!!!! I feel like I am losing the best friend that I have, is there anyway to over come this?
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Band slipped, but it's OK!
Catherine55 replied to meandtheboys's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I want to comment on two points that Spartan made. First . . Based on my own reading and research, I do not believe that this is accurate, and a significant percentage of the bandsters who I know have either met and surpassed their goals or are well on their way to doing so. I'm willing to bet that, of people who actually work with their bands, more than 90% are able to get to their goals. As reliable as that . . unnamed study . . by an unspecified group in Europe . . that hasn't been published yet. . and where you didn't have the underlying data. . sounds, I'm calling BS on this. The reason the band works so well is that it makes it physically impossible (well, difficult) to overeat. I just do not believe that any significant percentage of the non-banded people were able to avoid overeating for the year + that would have been required for them to actually enjoy the full benefits of being banded. I am not trying to be inflamatory here, but when I see posts like this that seem to misstate statistics or make vague, unsupported references to unnamed studies, it makes me mad. It seems irresponsible and I don't like that it might discourage bandsters or prospective bandsters from believing that they can get to goal. I have my own statistics and 18-month long personal scientific study on life with the band. That's all the proof I need that this process absolutely works when you follow the rules more often than not. And, if I can do it, so can anyone else who is willing to put in the effort. Catherine -
My husband isn't being supportive
BetsyB replied to Kristy29's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
This may chafe to hear (from him and from me), but it's a very valid concern. You say that you haven't started eating in the way that will foster this loss--that you're "trying a little." His concern is based on reality. It is going to be difficult to lose 15 pounds in 3 months--and it will likely require a lot more effort than you are making. That said, I realize it's not helpful for him to comment in the way he's commenting. It seems as though you have a real miscommunication going on. I am sure, if we were to ask him, he'd say he WAS being supportive. Guys are often "fixers." You say, "I need support," and what he hears is, "Fix this for me." And his way of fixing? Annoyingly pointing out that you're eating a pickle between meals. Not cheering you for choosing a pickle instead of chocolate---but noting that you are, in fact, deviating from what he thinks you should be doing. I think it would be a very, very good idea for him to attend your appointment with the doctor. (Ask him to lay off the weight comments before that meeting; if your doctor is like most, your starting weight will be recorded at this appointment, and you will need to lose 15 pounds from that point forward. If you've already lost a lot, then it may be more difficult to maintain a good rate of loss.) He will get a better idea of what is really expected of you--and what support will be available---so that he can "retire" from this self-appointed job of monitoring what you eat. It's not his job. It's your job. (If you've asked him to help, you'll need to UN-ask him. Fire him! Let him be your partner, not your probation officer.) He's NOT the one to turn to for guidance. He's not the one to whom you should report your eating transgressions. He's not your eating accountability partner. Those things are your responsibility. You can't complain about his input if you're putting him in an impossible-to-win situation. There are hundreds of people here who can give you good feedback on your eating. Let him be your husband--let him love you and support you in other ways. (And I'd work hard to cultivate some real, deeper friendships. I moved far away from my family, too--and I know how difficult it is, and how alone you can feel. But you have it 100 percent in YOUR control to forge deeper connections with people in your life so that you do not feel alone and isolated and unsupported. You may want your husband to be all things to you--but he can't be. He just can't.) -
Not in that he doesn't want me to have the surgery, but in that he thinks I will fail or quit. He keeps saying, oh you won't do it, you won't go through with it, you can't lose the 5%. :mad2: It's weird because he has been begging me to do surgery to lose weight for years, and now that I want to do it and am excited about it, he all of a sudden is being unsupportive. I have said straight to his face that I want him to encourage me but he won't do it. All he does is point out that I haven't started losing weight yet and I had pizza for dinner, and blah blah blah. Funny thing is that he decided we would have pizza for dinner tonight, but then made sure to bring it up while we were fighting. It almost seems like he did it on purpose. ' I just wish he could say things like I am proud of you for making this decision, for going to your appointments, for trying to change your life, for trying to get healthy so we can have a baby. It hurts inside every time I think about his comments. Also, my surgeon is very very big on making sure we have a support system. I don't have any friends where I live, my parents are 1000 miles away in Florida and my sister is in Japan. Here where I live, he is all I have. So now I have to go into my psych eval and my support group and lie, or else I'm afraid they won't do the surgery. :cursing:
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BCBS = 1 ; Patient (me) = 0
2beskinny replied to 2beskinny's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
Yes - I read all that language in the contract as well. I was a little surpised that the staff person at doc's said they have been seeing approval on ww and jenny craig alone. But I think the pendulum is swinging in the insurance world towards favoring this surgery. The approval guidelines have already softened. I figured the doc's office was ahead of the curve with their knowledge of what bcbs was doing. I still think they are, however, just not in my case. I'm sure it's very dependent on the team that is reviewing your case, etc. Not to worry...like I said, I'm not viewing this as a set-back, but a chance to lose some additional weight before surgery. My husband was a little relieved that I am not heading to surgery in a couple of weeks. I know he's not totally enthusiastic about this. Not to say that he is unsupportive, but he's nervous about it no matter how many times I repeat the statistics to him. He is a worrier and he loves me, so I guess I can understand. It's just that he cannot understand the struggle with food. He has one of those metabolisms that we all envy. He can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. I think he might weigh 10 pounds more than when I met him 25 years ago. However, he does work out alot - always has. I think it's a combination of the two :thumbup: More time for him to get used to the idea, too, I guess! -
You all are right and I think in a way I am in pre mourning for the food, although I have been telling my mom for years that i wish I just didnt have to eat to live. I would always say that with addiction to drugs or alcohol atleast you didnt need it to survive where if you have a food addiction its always around and you have to eat to live. I think once the surgery is done I will feel mentally better but there is so much junk going on right now. I am 33 in school, a so so crappy unsupportive relationship (while feeling like I cant do better), Im still married to my ex because he wants me back. **long story.. I do not have a regular sleep schedule and am sort of an insomniac who sits around to much and well I could go on and on. I want to thank you all for replying. I know that my relationship is super toxic but I do not have enough strength right now to leave. My body woes at this weight are temporary I know but are just contributing to my crummy self esteem and I think I need to get in and talk to a professional about the crud that is clogging up my brain. My mom told me today that I just need to do the best i can with my food and go for a walk everyday to get the blood flowing and I know she is absolutely right. THANK YOU ALL. YOUR POSTS REALLY CHEERED ME UP AND GOT ME FEELING A BIT BETTER TODAY. I have the feeling this might be a bumpy road.
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Carla, My PCP was the same. She lectured me about how I've obviously never been successful at diets before so why do I think this would be different? I saw her last August when I was getting all my pre-op testing done, then had surgery beginning of January, and will have to see her this coming August for my lady appointment. I too kind of want to show her that she was wrong about me. If it weren't for that, I think I would switch gynos too! What I find incredibly frustrating about it (at least in my case) is that they are so closed-minded about it. They don't want you to give them more information or statistics, they just want to tell you you're going to fail. WTH is up with that? I want a doctor who is going to cheer me on from the sidelines and support my informed medical decisions, and maybe even ask me questions. I was so worried when I needed the recommendation for my PCP to submit to insurance that she would sabotage me. She came through in the end, but it only took her a MONTH to write the darn thing. This is the same doctor that when I told her the bariatric clinic nurse suggested an EKG, she administered it and then freaked out (also freaking me out), and said to me "There is no way you're having this surgery!" I went to the cardiologist for extensive testing and guess what? She was wrong about that too! :thumbup: Best of luck with your unsupportive doc! You know we have your back! :001_tongue:
