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Sleeveme, I think I know where you are coming from. Once you lose the weight, you will start thinking, now why couldn't he treat me this well when I was overweight? Why would the pounds make such a big difference? I feel this way. My husband has always been naturally thin and I gained most of my weight while undergoing multiple surgeries that caused me to be incapacitated. I couldn't move and I ate. My husband never completely understood the weight gain and the pain I was in. When I told him in January that I was ready for this surgery, he was so utterly excited that I was ready to have this surgery that it made me mad that it was so important to him. Yes, I weighed 105 pounds when I met him 35 years ago but still! I never got the I love you know matter how you look talk... Even after 31 years of marriage, it's important to hear things like this.

Well, I'm sorry that you've noticed a change since your weight gain. I think you will definitely notice a difference in how he treats you after surgery, not just in public, but I'm not sure you will resent it--especially if you can think of it as a celebration time--you're feeling better, looking great, enjoying your life more, and you're probably going to be sending out a lot more positive energy in general. It would be really odd if your life partner didn't notice that and treat you a bit differently (not because you're "not fat" any more, but because you're feeling and looking and acting so much more energetically, if that makes sense). Long story short, of course it would be amazing if people didn't treat us differently when we were heavy--my DH loves me no matter what, no matter what size--but I can tell you that our relationship is stronger, better, hotter, closer in every way since the surgery--and this was a guy who loved me like crazy before.

I am worried I will resent my husband for treating me differently after losing weight. When we met I was much thinner and I definately notice a difference after the weight gain. I am worried that when I lose the weight he will start treating me differently and pay more attention to me especially when we are out in public. Anyone have that issue? Can anyone offer some insight?

I had a reduction from a DDD to a small C (my choice) 15 years ago. Upon weight gain, they are back to a DDD, just looking straight instead of at my toes, now. VSG wls scheduled for 8/23. I have a feeling my post reduction small C is gonna be even smaller when all Is said and done. Curious to see what the boob future holds, as well!

I was banded on 6/11/12, I immediately started seeing results and lost 13 in the first 3 weeks, but over the course of the last week I have very slowly started to gain some lbs back, its only 3 or 4, but I am now paranoid that I am doing something wrong. Is it normal to go up and down like this?

This is my first blog on here so I'll start with an intro - I can't guarantee it will be quick but wth - it's my blog so who cares, right? I'm 30 - yep pretty young... I'm a mom of two girls who exude awesomeness and I'm married to my own prince charming (who is supportive of my weight loss efforts but is sad to see my chunkiness go) :wub: ... and I LOVE smileys LOL. I used to be "normal" weight of 125lbs at 5'1... up until I was about 23/24 and then my thyroid broke... one doctor found a nodule in it and I started having a bunch of funky symptoms (you know the usual - tired, fast weight gain, depression, cold all the time, hair falling out, etc...), well that doctor left the practice and the new doctor did blood work and told me I was fine - I just needed to eat less and walk more and after all I was "getting older" (yeah I was 24 when she said this - I still hate her )... I listened and I dieted - I did a boot camp class, Weight Watchers, and a bunch of other crap... and I just kept gaining... I kept going in and complaining and she kept saying the same thing so finally I just gave up... Fast foward to age 28 and I was somewhere over 200 lbs (I stopped getting on the scale at 200 because I couldn't handle seeing the number anymore) and I went to the doctor because I was sick... saw a new doctor at the practice because mine was on vacation and as she reviewed my chart first thing she wanted to know was why my thyroid had been untreated for the last 4+ years... apparently I was hypothyroid the whole time and I'd gained at least 80 lbs to show for it ... Long story short... It's been two years since I've been diagnosed - I've done Weight Watchers two more times, low calorie diets, the 17 day diet, simply starved myself, and Phentermine. Today I weigh 175 lbs, my thyroid is now regulated but I still can't lose weight without starving and as soon as I return to normal portions I gain the weight I lost back. Now here's where the insanity begins... I have incredible health insurance but of course bariatric surgery is one of the five exclusions on my policy - so I decided to pick up my husband's insurance as secondary coverage to get it paid for since here in the DC Metro area we're talking out of pocket costs of $50K without insurance... Well after I joined his insurance I found out that while my current BMI of 33 qualifies medically for Lap Band, the insurance will not pay for it unless my BMI is 35 which is a difference of 10 pounds! Yes, 10 d@mn pounds!!! So... since my doctor has told me to have surgery or have diabetes and I don't have $50K, I'm on what I'm calling my "fat girl swag" and trying to gain 10 pounds as fast as possible... yep its crazy but in my opinion, so is being 50 lbs overweight because your doctor screwed up for 4 years! In my weight gain journey (which is about a week old), I've quickly learned one thing... I'm not overweight because of how I eat - I'm truly overweight because of my thyroid and it sucks royally! I'm actually having to work at eating more than 2K calories a day and it's almost amusing! I'm meeting with the surgeon on Monday for my initial consult to start the process since there's about a 3-4 month process with my secondary insurance and I'm anxious to see how weigh in goes with him... I'm not sure if I'll weigh with clothes on or in a gown and what his scale will say... I know my primary care doctor's scale seems to always be about 4lbs higher than mine so if that's the case I'm really only about 6lbs away... Despite being nervous I can't weight to begin starting over and returning to who I used to be...

Hi, If you're reading this, you're probably considering sleeve surgery. I will share a shorten version of "my long story." I am 51 yrs old. and have not been obese all my life. Three years ago i quit smoking (30 yr bad habit) and my small 5'2" frame went from 120 lbs. to 195 lbs. I know, it was bad. But that's not the worse part - apparently the rapid weight gain had decided to reek havoc on my liver. Having some routine blood work done was showing my liver enzymes beginning to sky rocket. I was trying weight watchers, Atkins, starving myself, etc. and like everyone else, I would gain everything back again. I used to be semi-active but with the added pounds on my small frame, my knees, back and joints were killing me. There was no way I could exercise - Not to mention, I was out of breath soo quickly. I was so depressed. My extremely high liver enzymes forced me to see a specialist. I went to Temple University in Philadelphia, PA and he told me that if I did not lose this excess weight rapidly, I would be needed a liver transplant in the future. Please note my liver enzymes were over 10X the normal high. On the way home from Philadelphia that day, I called a friend who went to Lehigh Valley Hospital in Allentown, PA for lapband surgery. She told me that she had Dr. Harrison and for me.... this was the beginning of changing my life. My insurance company required me to go thru a 3 month program which included weight loss meetings, meeting a psychiatrist for an evaluation, dietitian counseling, nutrition counseling, group meetings, etc. I was traveilng down to Allentown almost once a week for 3 months. After I completed the entire program, I had a problem with my insurance company. They initially denied my claim and my original January 2012 surgery date had to be cancelled. I was "crushed" but my surgeon appealed their denial and I was back on the schedule for April 24th. : ) I did not have a pre-surgical diet to follow, except to do High Protein or Atkins Diet to help to "firm up" and shrink the size of the liver for surgery. The surgeon must actually lift up the liver to move it out of the way for the surgery. I did Atkins for 2 weeks prior to surgery and then 3 days before surgery, I did a Atkins shake Fast - no food and lost 8 lbs in 3 days. Current weight was 188 lbs. on day of surgery. As far as the sleeve surgery is concerned, well... it was bad for me. They also removed my gall bladder. I never imagined to be in such pain since I am usually a quick healer. One of the hardest parts for me was getting out of bed after surgery. I was not able to use my stomach muscles without a lot of pain. Probably the fact that my stomach was sooo out of shape at that point, there was no muscles. I was lucky enough to borrow a reclining lift chair from a friend and I actually slept in this chair for probably 2-3 weeks. Eating the first 6 weeks was just to survive - I did not enjoy eating at all and I never got physically hungry but there is a mental hunger. I accidently ate a little too much and TRUST ME - you won't let that happen very often. You feel like you must throw up to get this excess out of your stomach. It's not a fun feeling and it lasts about 2 hrs for me. I am now 2 1/2 months post op and I feel great. I am down to 150 lbs. which is a loss of 38 lbs. since surgery. I was wearing a sz. 18 pants and am wearing between 12 and 14 now. I feel like my self confidence is finally coming back and I look forward to a future. And by the way... I went to get my bloodwork done a few days ago and my liver enzymes have almost gotten back to a normal range. This was the whole purpose of my surgery - to SAVE MY LIVER - the other benefits are an extra perk. : ) If you have any questions, Or I can help you with anything, please let me know. And lastly, GOOD LUCK to you. PJones

I never felt it was even in the realm of possibility before surgery. But like tonight, I am sitting here, already had dinner PLANNED, feeling like I don't even want to bother with it. I am not hungry, it doesn't sound good (nothing does) but my head knows I need the nutrition. So I will go in the next 15 min or so and get my dinner, and push it down. I wonder if I need to be more creative in what I am eating? (who can complain? This seems to be my biggest issue) well, this and how much I HATE tom, and the weight gain. Sucks being a woman sometimes :-)

I say GO FOR IT !!!!!! im not even close to the point where i might be thinking of your type of surgery, but the part that got me was that you and i are the same age and both married , but you didnt think you should be even concerned with doing something like a body lift ,etc. Um........... well, why not ??? If you think you need it i dont think age or marital status should have any thing to do with it. How you feel about your body is very personal and if you're not comfy with it , well thats whats most important ! Your self esteem ! After my weight loss is done i will probably see a Dr to get rid of the spider veins etc that came with the weight gain. Do i think its neccesary ?? Damn right i do ! I want to look nice in a pair of just above the knees shorts and not have to hide my legs because of ugly veins . So i think you should do it ! Good luck and congrats on your weight loss !

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/23110-weight-gained-since-having-gastric-sleeve-surgery/page__pid__375054__st__240#entry375054 Here is another thread besides the one you are on...

My name is Sakoia I am 28 years old, I weigh 262 pounds and I live in the Milwaukee,WI area. On June 30th at an office vist with my pcp I decided to move forward to have LapBand surgery. By having this surgery I know I no longer have to deal with low self-esteem, high blood pressure, depression/anxiety, and other health complications i've faced over time. My weight gain started in 2005 after being in an abusive relationship and being a single mother. But I am now have three beautiful girls and a loving, supportive husband of three years. I now want to move forward in my life by dropping the baggage/weight and be the Sakoia thats trapped inside. I found this community after searching for info on the procedure and I know I will meet postive supporters and find motivition on this journey. I have so many questions about the rules, excerise, excessive skin, the mental change, and much more. I hope to soon find a mentor/buddie that could help me along the way too. Thanks Sakoia

Weight gain immediately following surgery is quite common and absolutely nothing to worry about. It can and does happen but it won't last. Focus all of your attention on following the protocol to the letter and stay away from the scales for at least a week, two would be even better. You're gonna love the new you!!

I knew I didn't want gastric bypass as well. The whole idea of it frightened me. I know 2 people with Lap Bands, neither one has had complications from it. However, 1 has lost a lot of weight 100+ pounds, and the other hasn't been very successful. My hubby and I have a 10 year old son, and we have been trying for baby #2 for 8 years. We believe that part of the reason we have been so unsuccessful the second time is because of how much weight I have gained since having our son. We got pregnant on the first try with him! Although, the MAIN reason I want to have weight loss surgery is for my health. I have been having problems with my CSF pressure. Which has been causing me to have headaches, non-stop, since March. The doctors think that part of the reason I am having headaches is because of recent weight gain. I have never been very successful at weight loss, and now with headaches holding me back, some days I can't even get out of bed. How am I supposed to get up and exercise like that!?! I am getting all of my testing taken care of and so far everything is looking good for me to go ahead with the surgery. Just waiting on paperwork and a few more lab results now (I HOPE)!

Hi! In my opinion, binging doesn't mean that you're not ready. I binged quite a few times before surgery, too. But it is important to wean yourself off of the binging behavior as much as you can (I know, it's hard!). One important reason is that you really do need to lose some weight before surgery and exercise to make your surgery recovery easier. Also, most doctors tell you to lose weight before surgery, and I've even heard of surgeries being canceled because of weight gain. One bit of advice I would give is to not try to make all the changes all at once...do one at a time until you're comfortable with the change, then move on to the next. Especially since you have six months to do it in. This is the absolute best thing I've ever done for myself, and I was a binge eater...it's really a good thing that you have the time to make sure this is the right decision for you. Good luck!!!!

absolutely not. My LBL was the WORST decision I have EVER made. I have said so many times that I wish I could go back in time. I am seven years out. The scar is horrifying. All weight gain went to upper body and I feel like a linebacker.

most approvals are based on the STRUGGLE of losing and keeping the weight off...so if you've gained weight BEFORE you've started the approval process is should not be a problem. again i would be more concerned with not gaining during the approval process because i have heard of surgeries being postponed due to weight gain = liver not shrinking. yes WW should have your weigh ins and payment history. if i read correctly you have not been enrolled in a couple of months....RE-ENROLL IMMEDIATELY! i had stopped my WW membership in December 2011 and decided to have wls in March 2012...as soon as my coordinator found out she told me to re-enroll before my first visit with their office. I re-enrolled the that very day...i'm due to have my surgery this month!

Just do it. Accept and practice the affirmation that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. From what you have written in your post, it would seem that wine is the trigger for the eating behaviors which have caused your weight gain. And, not to seem harsh, but from the perspective of an addictions counselor, if you are drinking enough wine to "lower your inhibitions", and thereby cloud your judgement, you are drinking way too much wine. Wine is empty calories...which obese people need to avoid. You are misinformed if you believe that initially the band will assist with controlling one's appetite. Just ask any bandster who is or has experienced "bandster hell", which really means just about everyone who is active on this forum. It is a tool to assist with portion control. But the journey with your band has a long way to go before you get some restriction in the band and get to the "green zone". Having a band, to be successful with achieving weight loss, you will have to change your relationship with food. You will have to change the things which are allowed on your diet, most likely for life. The foods which contributed you your weight gain will need to be restricted to the smallest of portions, or in some cases, given up entirely. These behavioral modifications are difficult under the best of circumstances...but have to happen to be successful. I seems to me that it would be helpful for you to do some additional research into the band, how it works, and the diet you need to agree to adhere to for life if you want to have a lasting success with it. Best wishes...

@teoboysandagirl- it is very scary don't get me wrong. Yes I am happy I will have this bundle of joy and yes I still worry about weight gain and what I will look like afterwards. I don't care what people say, you will always think about what will I look like after the baby and how much will I have to work to lose what I gain. I say just stay healthy while pregnant, if you can do activities do them, don't get lazy, etc. everyone feels different about weight gain some people worry more than others and some are terrified to go back to the way they use to look. So just know that your feelings are normal, in my book at least.

Thanks for the support. Today I am 7months pregnant and she is doing well. She is over 2.5lbs and kicking lol. When I went to take my glucose test today they say I lost 7lbs since a month ago. I continue to eat but not as much especially with the heart burn. I take in small portions and sometimes I don't even have a appetite but I force myself to eat to get nutrition. I must admit I do look in the mirror at times and am thankful to be able to have a child but also in the back of my mind I worry about my weight gain. To date I have gained about 18lbs which is probably all baby. I do plan on working hard to get back down after the baby is born because I have many clothing to get back into and I enjoy not being so winded when walking and I want to be able to play with my daughter without feeling sluggish. Blood pressure has been good as well as the remainder of the pregnancy. I look forward to one day lying on my stomach Lol. Thanks again

I am SO glad to hear from some of the nymphs! Wow, it's been so long! I have wondered how everyone has been as well. I had been doing well. I didn't get to goal, but was okay with the weight I had lost, and then I got pregnant (3 years ago), had a complete unfill. I did okay and didn't gain too much during the pregnancy, then lost a lot of the weight again a few months after the baby was born, but THEN I started to put the weight back on. I have always been grateful I got the band because I know I would have gained and kept gaining without stop. The band stopped the weight gain and helped me get my normal body back (for a little while at least). I do have concerns about some foreign object in my body and what exactly is going on in there. I hope it doesn't give me cancer or something. I know, sounds weird, but I am a bit of a worrywart with things. I've gotten a few fills since the baby was born but honestly I have just been so tired with two kids that I haven't wanted to deal with getting stuck all the time. The band did get me to lose weight but not the way it should have - the way I lost weight was when I was so tight that I couldn't eat anything. I would get stuck, throw up, get an unfill, heal for a month, get a fill, get stuck, throw up, and the cycle would repeat. That is how I lost the weight. I guess bulemia would have been cheaper! lol! (just kidding of course) I just don't want to go through that again, although right now I don't know the alternative because I am back to my overeating ways where I can't seem to stop myself. Every day I start out like I should on "program" but by noon I'm throwing back the junk food. Once I get on program for a good week, I am always okay and do really well. It's just the starting I can't seem to get past. We are in the process of selling our house and moving to a new city which is extremely stressful on me because I love where we live right now. So just lately it has been hard. I wish I could hear from more of the November Nymphs!

What should you eat to lose weight? How much energy have you devoted to this question? Low carb? Raw food? Jenny Craig? Have you ever considered that it might not be "the diet" that is the solution? Read more to find out! What should you eat to lose weight? How much energy have you devoted to this question? Low carb? Raw food? Jenny Craig? Women spend billions of dollars on weight loss, and create a lot of stress making decisions about which diet or weight loss plan to try this time. It’s ironic, because deep down, we know that diets don’t work. And in fact, many of us have lived out the lesson that diets can lead to binge eating and weight gain and bigger problems with food than we started with. It’s not hopeless. Healthy weight loss and what I call peace with food are possible, but they don’t begin with a diet. Here’s the important truth: The battle with overeating isn’t going to be solved by a diet because the root battle with most overeating isn’t about the food. If you want to break free from overeating cycles and weight loss battles, the critical question you need to be asking is this: What are you using the food for? What’s triggering you to overeat? What propels you towards the vending machine or sends you straight for the comfort food? What role does food play in your life? How does your current way of eating serve you? THESE are the million dollar questions. The truth is, you are smart and resourceful and you better believe that you are turning to food for a reason. The way you are currently eating does something important for you. Maybe your eating distracts you or comforts you. Food might momentarily boost your mood or your energy. Maybe you use it to procrastinate or hide out or reward yourself. Are you eating to cope with stress or frustration or exhaustion? Be curious about your hunger and the reasons that you eat. Understanding the meaning of your overeating changes everything. Understanding the purpose of your overeating helps you move beyond unhelpful self-blame and shame and guilt and into a place of compassionate understanding. From this place it’s possible to start addressing the real root causes. Because it’s probably not about the food. If you are a stress eater, you’ll want some more effective tools for addressing the stress in your life. Comfort eater? With the right tools, you can definitely find a better way. Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Nervous? Upset? There are better tools and strategies to address these feelings. And the truth is, once you have the tools and strategies to feel effective, food just doesn’t have the same appeal. Really. Effective weight loss doesn’t start with the food—and—when you address the root cause of your overeating, you don’t just change your weight. You change your life.

Is maladaptive eating slowing or sabotaging your weight loss? Let's take a look at how that happens and what we can do to change it. WHAT IS MALADAPTIVE BEHAVIOR? The term “adaptation” brings Charles Darwin to my mind. His theory of evolution is considered heresy where I live, but whatever your personal belief about the origin of the human species, you’ve probably observed many times that humans and other living things have an amazing ability to adapt their behavior, and even their forms, to better survive and thrive in its environment, and that as the environment changes, so do the creatures living in it. Here in Tennessee, the weather is getting hot enough to send us into our closets to bring out the shorts and sandals and bathing suits we need to comfortably survive the summer. At the same time, our dogs and cats are shedding the extra fur they’d acquired to keep them warm during the winter. The humans are adapting their dressing behavior and the cats are adapting their forms to adjust to hot weather. This is adaptation in its positive sense, but adaptation also has a dark side. Defining “maladaptation” requires us to assume that certain behaviors are normal, while others are abnormal. That does not necessarily mean that normal is healthy and abnormal is unhealthy. Someone (or something) is considered “normal” if they conform to a widely accepted standard or practice, and abnormal if they deviate from the norm. A behavior can be identified as maladaptive or abnormal only in the context of an environment. It is not intrinsically wrong or evil, and its degree of deviance or abnormality depends on things like cultural and social rules and norms (cannibalism may be a normal behavior in one society, but not in another), systems of psychological and medical thought (a mentally ill person may be “abnormal”, but able to function despite that); as well as political beliefs and ideals (in a democracy, the practice of communist principles is considered “wrong”). I’m going to try to bypass all those interesting but knotty aspects and give you definitions and examples that don’t require a PhD in sociology or psychology to decipher them. Some maladaptive behavior is disruptive to society because it interferes with group functioning. A child “acting out” at school in reaction to the stresses he experiences at home is an example of this. His frustration with his home life turns into anger that fuels temper tantrums in the classroom. His behavior is maladaptive because it doesn’t eliminate the stresses at home and creates a whole new spectrum of stresses and problems at school as his teachers and fellow students react to his aggression. He can’t learn lessons in school that he needs to learn because his “bad” behavior gets in the way. Other maladaptive behavior is expressed in an inward fashion. A shy, anxious art student is horrified when her painting teacher publically critiques her painting and tells her and the rest of the students that her artwork is exactly what they should not be doing. The art student loses confidence in her talent and changes her major to another subject. Her behavior is maladaptive because it makes it much harder for her to achieve her original goal of becoming an art teacher. My own definition of maladaptive behavior is this. It’s a nonproductive behavior that prevents you from adapting to situations, or changes in yourself or your environment, in a healthy way. It can begin as an attempt to deal with or avoid an unpleasant experience but it does not solve the original problem and eventually becomes dysfunctional. You adjust to a situation in a way that makes sense at the time but that eventually misdirects your energy and focus, and interferes with your personal and interpersonal functioning, your health, and your ability to achieve your goals. At the start, the behavior feels like a helpful, even positive response to abnormal, difficult, or negative circumstances. As a bandster, I used both old and new maladaptive eating behaviors. My decades-old behaviors, like eating to deal with stress, did not disappear on the morning of my band surgery, and 5 years later, I’m still working on changing that. I also developed new behaviors in response to the experience of having an adjustable gastric band. The long-term result of these maladaptive behaviors is unintended and undesirable. The maladaptive eating tactic may seem to solve a current problem while it's actually creating future problems: slowed or stopped weight loss, weight gain, band slippage, band erosion, and so on. SOFT CALORIE SYNDROME & OTHER DANGERS A classic example of bandster maladaptive eating behavior is known as Soft Calorie Syndrome. I discovered the perils of this syndrome for myself when I traveled to New York City to attend a trade show when I was about 8 months post-op. I had gotten a fill the day before I left, and by the time I got to New York I had realized that my band was too tight for me to tolerate. I couldn’t eat any solid food, so I spent the next 3 days eating soft, high-calorie, low-satiety foods like soup, milkshakes, and ice cream. I was just trying to survive long enough to go home and get an unfill. My eating behavior achieved a temporary goal (comfortable survival) while sabotaging my long term goal of losing weight. In fact, I gained weight during that trip and ended up feeling disappointed in myself. A frustrating aspect of maladaptive behavior is that it’s often easier to see in others than it is in yourself, but even someone who’s fully aware that her or his behavior is counterproductive may feel helpless to change it. If I had a dollar for every time a bandster has confessed to eating to relieve stress or boredom, I’d be a wealthy woman now. Emotional eating tends to be so longstanding and deep-rooted that it takes on a life of its town, like a devil lurking inside us who seductively whispers, “Chocolate! Chocolate will make you feel soooo much better!” when you’re too vulnerable, tired, or upset to make a different or healthier choice. When I was being treated for PTSD years ago, a counselor asked me to make a list of behaviors and activities that I could choose to do instead of engaging in self-destructive ones. At first the exercise seemed contrived and silly, but eventually I realized its usefulness. I was not able to think clearly and make good choices when in severe emotional distress. All I could think of was razor blades. My index card of alternate behaviors reminded me that I could telephone a friend, go for a walk, take a bath, listen to music, pet a dog, and the like instead of playing with sharp objects. Now, I very much hope that you’re not dealing with severe emotional distress (which I would wish only on my worst enemy), but I do believe you can benefit by making your own list of alternatives to emotional eating. Carry a copy of that list with you everywhere you go and keep a copy in an easily-accessible spot at home (I tacked mine to my bulletin board). TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES In the 1960’s and 70’s, contestants on the “Truth or Consequences” game show would try to answer ridiculously obscure trivia questions and be forced to perform silly stunts in punishment for getting the answers wrong. The host ended each episode by saying, “Bob Barker saying goodbye, and hoping all your consequences are happy ones!" The relief or pleasure or other immediate consequences of a maladaptive behavior may seem like happy ones, but they generally short-lived, so the behavior must be repeated over and over for the benefit to be felt. As with an addiction, it takes more and more of the behavior or substance to cause relief or pleasure. An anxious person, whose mother lost a leg to gangrene (death of flesh) from bacterial infection in an untreated injury, naturally fears germs. She washes her hands thoroughly and often, especially after touching anything that might harbor germs. At the start, her own home is clean and safe, but because her hand washing doesn’t remove her basic fear, eventually she must practice it all day, every day, over and over, even in her own home, until her skin is scrubbed raw. She sees the abrasions her scrubbing has caused as more vulnerable to germs and increases the hand washing. Soon the hand washing excludes all other activities and she dares not leave her home. The salutary practice of hand washing has become a maladaptive and destructive behavior. Unlike the hand washing or other compulsive, fear-based, abnormal and ritualistic behavior, maladaptive eating is rarely perceived as strange. Eating is socially acceptable as long as the meat on your plate belongs to a different species. It’s also something that’s easy to do in secret, while you’re alone in your car or your bathroom or wherever you go to escape other people. But when you do it over and over again, your repetition of the behavior cements it into a wall around you, keeping you locked inside instead venturing forth to find relief elsewhere. And should you confess to this maladaptive eating behavior, people who don’t use food in this way simply cannot fathom why you would do it. They say impatiently, “Put the fork down! Step away from the table! Just say no to chocolate!” Ah, if only it were that simple, that easy… SMALL-TIME CRIMINALS Some maladaptive behavior arises from ignorance, misconceptions or misunderstanding. Take the case of Martin. He received minimal pre-op education, so when he found himself PB’ing (regurgitating) on a daily basis after his 3rd fill, he assumed that this was simply a fact of life for bandsters. His problem is ignorance. The same thing happened to Annie, who assumed she was doing something wrong but was too shy, ashamed and embarrassed to ask her surgeon about it. Her problem is misconception. And when PB’ing intruded into Carol’s daily life, she believed it was like vomiting, caused by “a stomach bug”, so it never even occurred to her that her eating behavior might be causing it. Her problem is misunderstanding. All too often, a maladaptive behavior seems like such a small “crime” – it was just one ice cream cone – that the bandster minimizes its importance without realizing that the cumulative effect of a series of small crimes can be just as destructive as a single big one. It’s kind of like ignoring the posted speed limit when you’re driving your car. You shudder at the news of a fatal car accident when an acquaintance driving at 70 mph in a 35 mph zone loses control of his vehicle and crashes into a telephone pole. In that instance, ignoring the speed limit is clearly a bad choice. But when you’re late for work (again), run a few yellow or even red lights (again), and drive at 70 mph in a 35 mph zone (again) in your eagerness to get to work on time, and nothing bad happens, speeding doesn’t seem like such a terrible crime…until the day you can’t stop in time to avoid the car turning into your path and end up as a bleeding mess choking on dust from your car’s air bag while an ambulance carries off the person you killed because of your maladaptive behavior. IS THIS BEHAVIOR GETTING YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO? A bandster once confessed, “I eat pretty good all week and then I allow myself a junk food day...a bad mistake on the weekend since that usually means a junk food weekend...once I start, it’s so hard to stop and of course weight gain is the result and I end up beating myself up. I'm never going to be where I want to be if I continue this behavior.” I want to repeat that all-important last sentence: “I'm never going to be where I want to be if I continue this behavior.” That, my friends, is the take-home message of this article. Take it to heart, take it home, and take it out and study it often. Ask for help in identifying and dealing with your maladaptive eating behaviors. Take them seriously, but don’t build them into mountains right in the middle of your path to success. Sometimes the solution or treatment for a big maladaptive behavior can be a small piece of common sense. One of my favorites is: Don’t keep trigger foods in the house. If chocolate is your bête-noir (the black beast that’s the bane of your existence), you’re not going to be able to gorge yourself with it the next time you’re feeling weak if there is no chocolate in your house. Yes, I know you can hop in your car, ignore the posted speed limits, and pull up in front of the Chocoholic Market in a matter of minutes. That’s why we have to be vigilant, honest and aware. And remember this, from page 299 of Bandwagon: It takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days of daily repetition to make a new behavior automatic….so, practice, practice, practice!

We need a scale with a mood-sensing self-preservation chip. When it senses anger at a weight gain it lowers the reading by 4 pounds.

I'm sorry Ashlee you are going through so much, For 2.5 seconds I almost regretted mine to but then quickly found the bright side of things. No more weight gain for a while & I started looking at the long term, I pray you feel better quick & the negative aspect of your surgery ends quick & like Katie said ignore those comments. Sometimes grandparents can take things to far & you find yourself wanting to choke them. I have a grandma & I just smh @ her lol. I think we are very brave for taking a stand. It will get better. I'm 5 wks out now & I was having issues too. neek41

The key difference between the two situations are vast, one can be avoided the other could not. Does my husband love me unconditionally, absolutely, is it right for me to sit around and let life happen to me or get up out of my pity party and do something about it. Now out of my hubbys own mouth he has said if I had a medical condition that prevented me from losing weight it'd be an entirely different story. Don't both parties deserve to be happy in a marriage? Imo extreme weight gain prevents couples from doing a lot, is the other person required to stop living because of the others negligence of their bodies. Negligence and tragedy are two totally different things. This is a reality I had to face myself, if I had taken care of my business as soon as I saw things going on a way I didn't like I would have never ballooned up to this weight. If you have a person who wants to obtain a law degree, but doesn't put nearly the amount of work into their studies to be successful, and they come crying to you about their failure, what will be your response to them. Even after being sleeved one must exercise their will to "not be obese" through their lifestyle point blank or all this will have been for naught. This is my reality which fuels my change.