Search the Community

Typically speaking you seem to be going through the official grieving process, maybe just a little more enhanced. Here's some thoughts or ideas to try; 1) ask your boyfriend for more support and not to eat Pizza Hut or trigger foods in front of you. 2) take a walk or plan an activity when he is having dinner. 3) seek counselling or look for local support groups (or just pretend your an alcoholic and go to an AA meeting for support- lol) joke 4) think of the reasons that you decided to do such a drastic change, health, think about your goals, personal and scale. 5) find some guided meditation on the Internet and listen to that. Ground yourself. Now I say this and I'm 2 days away from surgery so I can't fully relate. Perhaps next week I'll be posting the same but I know I'd love it if someone was telling me that it is normal. Tell that boyfriend of yours to be more supportive!! Lol Take it easy and keep me informed! Shelly

Being a diabetic, I start with the carbs, subtracts the fiber, AND subtract the sugar alcohols if there are any....

I feel you all...I was asked about what about me having a barbeque...I said--I think we had enough barbecues while I was young to cure me of wanting one. My birthday--BBQ, Mothers Day--BBQ, got a Job promotion-BBQ, Got Divorced--BBQ... Now that I am a single Parent with 2 kids of my own. I ask my boys each holiday--what can we do special. I have had many suggestions with my 11 and 9 year olds. But BBQ hardly comes up. I think the holiday should be festive--but not a day to eat 3500 to 5,000 calories. I remember I was there once. I now have a hard time getting 1000 to 1200 calories in a day. I am not a bad acting person--but I looked at my younger brother some time ago--he has gone to over 400 pounds at 5'8". I mean--when he comes in the house--the floor moves or creaks...When anyone says---Have you thought of losing weight--you could say it's WW3. I stayed away from my Families Barbeque this year. Jealousy comes in many different faces...I was told--I thought I was special. I ate very little at the family reunion--I don't drink alcohol or smoke...It was looking odd to them that I didn't have what they had--since every member of my family--to include my Mom--had a cigarette, a glass of vodka or Barcardi and even Gin with a big plate of food...Here I was with water and a small piece of fish and some rice...So I decided not to go on that trip to New York for the celebration. I called to say--I am going to pass on this year's BBQ

You know what Lee? You ARE VERY SPECIAL! Many, many people are not strong enough to overcome that kind of background of family eating. I know how it feels to be the smallest at one of those food fests. I used to be the little one and the one everyone thought that "she's too good" to enjoy the ribs, the steak, the burgers, the hot dogs, the potato salad, the baked Beans, the fluffy rolls, the mayonaise, the chips, several cakes, the many kinds of Cookies, the homemade ice cream. Did I mention salad? No... not unless it was surrounded by Jello or marshmallows, or heavy creamy dressing, but once in a while we had watermelon - but in massive quantities. I grew up thinking that I was the lucky one. I had been able to maintain my childhood weight at around 105 to 115 lbs. Even after I had my first child (I only gained 18 lbs. duing that pregnancy) Then I had my second child and gained 50 lbs. I finally got off all the weight and hovered around 110. Then I turned 40. And I found myself eating more and more at the family barbeques, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, etc. I was no longer uncomfortable eating and drinking at sophisticated social events either. I'd hit the canape tray with a vengence. And anticipated what was offered for dessert. The next time I realized what had happened, I weighed 150 lbs. Depression set in after I tried every diet in the book. I joined spas, bought exercise tapes and did them a couple of times before I lost interest or the will to move around. I took pills, I took shots, and I got fatter... I took more pills, more shots and although I'd lose weight from time to time, down to about 130, I'd regain the weight and I would gain even more before I'd settle in and be able to buy new clothes to fit the new set point weight. Then I'd get depressed and go on another diet binge, even doing the extreme Optifast diet for 6 weeks. But only to regain that lost weight and more... on and on until I was at an extremely uncomfortable, unhealthy and depressing 220 lbs. - and I'm 5'1.5" in height with a very small bone structure. Now I had become the mother who hosted the barbeques! I made the fabulous Desserts. I did the planning, shopping and preparing all the delicious foods for the rest of the family. I had become the ring leader, just like my mother before me. I over ate. I binge drank alcohol at parties and lost the day after to horrible hangovers and depression from knowing I'd probably made an ass of myself at the party. I knew I had become embarrassing for my children to present as their parent. I was more depressed than ever. Enter (trumpets) the BAND. The first 4 months were fantastic. I felt better than I had felt for many years. I wasn't hungry!!!! I didn't crave junk food!!!! I was so incredibly happy that I didn't go on the constant hunt for something yummy to eat. I was thrilled to have lost 40 lbs. so quickly. Then something happened. I started getting fills every 3 weeks. I couldn't seem to find the right "sweet spot" that I had enjoyed for the first 4 months. I've found myself slipping back into my old mindset of wondering what great tasting thing can I cook for dinner and when can we have a barbeque!!! I'd like to think that it's psychological and that I can get over it and get on with making myself healthy and fit. However I can't help but wonder if there is some physiological or genetic part of me that I need to break the code to. I know exercise helps with that, but I am just pretty sure that it is even more complicated than that. I'm not hopeless. I am still determined to get over this "hump" and break free of the family ties that tend to bind me. One of the things I didn't realize would be difficult is that the family is so used to me bringing all the "good" stuff home for dinner, I hate to let them down. But let's face it, our parents didn't do us any favors. And I'm not doing my family or me any favors either! I have to respect myself enough to give up that vicious cycle and think of my health first. I am sure that my family will respect me much more in the long run. Probably the smartest thing we can ever do is to steer clear of those family food fests!! You seem to have broken the code and you have my total and complete respect!

Remember that post-op care instructions vary from doctor to doctor, so different people will be told different things. From what I know, avoiding alcohol is important for two reasons. First and most important, your stomach is still healing for six months; the scar formation -- which is very important -- around your incision could be compromised if you constantly irritate the lining, and alcohol does exactly that. In fact excess alcohol can actually cause necrosis (tissue death) in the stomach lining. Is that what you want going on when your stomach is still trying to heal from a very traumatic surgery? Also, I've heard that rapid weight loss really taxes your liver, and alcohol can make that worse. Lots of obese people have a condition called hepatosteatosis -- fatty liver -- which is actually a very serious condition which can lead to cirrhosis (scarring) of the liver, or even -- in extreme cases -- death. If your liver is still recovering from this, are you sure that adding alcohol (another liver toxin) to the mix is a good idea? Bottom line, follow your doctor's orders to the letter if you're hoping for the best recovery and good weight loss results. They make those recommendations for a reason

Downing a whole bottle! BWHAAAAAA. . . that is funny. . . I had my first drink after 12 weeks (and with the blessing of the doctor) and let me tell you it was sooooo yum. . and since then have been having my good old rum and cokes regularly. . . hasn't hurt me any. . . doctor just said drink within moderation, so that is what i do. . . i don't see the harm in a sip or two of wine, but i would really ask the doctor and honey don't say it's because of the stress of this and that, just say you want a drink! If it was because of the stress, heavens 1 bottle wouldn't cover it and we'd all be alcoholics! hehehehe . . . good luck!

So, I was thinking today, about the conversations I've had with people about my decision to get the Lap Band surgery. And I'm really surprised at the responses I've gotten, even from some of my overweight friends. Several of them have said "oh no, don't get the surgery, let's go walking together". Which is what they all say but never stick to. I can't tell you how many times I have flat out begged my friends for help with motivation, admitting that I'm to the point where I can't do this alone. And several have agreed that they're in the same boat. But when I call to go walk, they don't answer, or when I stop by their desk and say "hey let's go" there's always a reason. Now don't get me wrong. I am well aware that the ONLY reason I am overweight is because I ate this far to get here. The only reason why I am at the weight I am is because somewhere along the line, I gave up believing in myself. I know this. And frankly, admitting that gives me the first measure of hope I've had in a long time. However, I also know that I have become addicted to food. Like a drug. Eating has taken over my body and my life. And it's hard to admit that, but even harder to hear my friends stiff objection to this surgery. How many other options are out there to help people face their addictions? There's the patch to quite smoking, the methadone clinic, and several hundred different alcoholic cessation programs. But when I feel like I've finally found some help, then people are all of a sudden "concerned". As if me being almost 300 pounds doesn't cause concern enough!! At any rate, if you're reading this, thanks for putting up with my rant. I have my first visit with the nurse scheduled on January 12th, 2008! I am really excited and relieved. Finally, I'm starting to DO something, instead of feeling trapped!

I'm also 8 days out and have been trying different things too. Protein shakes have been hard to choke down so I started trying some soft foods (before my NUT's time) just to get my protein in and I've tolerated almost everything (except chicken as well). I have yet to have a full feeling, not sure I can actually feel my stomach. I don't do anything SF because it has the sugar alcohol in it and it does cause me stomach pains. I quick smoking, gave up my "occasional" glass of wine (or two), and can't eat...yes I'm really pleasant these days...hardly.

Be sure your surgeon knows you smoke. The best would be to quit before your surgery, but if your surgeon is aware and willing, then take it from there. As for alcohol, it is empty calories. I choose to have a glass of wine every evening. It was the one treat I didn't want to give up. I count the calories and work it into my 1200 calorie diet. Some doctors say no alcohol, mine didn't so check with your doctor. As for your emotional eating, the band WILL NOT help you there! You will have to battle that demon yourself. I would recommend counselling to help address the emotional issues. When I got my band I decided my life had to change completely......and it did. Now my food choices are healthy, there is NO junk food in my house anymore, I exercise daily (wow, never thought I would say that) and most importantly food does not control me....I control it. Good luck on your journey.

The element of God within 12 step programs is referring to spiritual health and faith in God or a Higher Power. There are no references to any particular religion. or religious belief. God is referred to by many as their "higher power" implying an intelligent life force that embraces the totality of being. Most refer to "God" as their "higher power" some refer to God or their higher power as a "She". Here are excerpts quoted from the AA/Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book which is the origin of all 12 step recovery programs: Pg.47 WE AGNOSTICS "When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions...Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. ...We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. 'Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?'...upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built." Pg. 68 HOW IT WORKS "...We trust an infinite God rather than our finite selves...We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage...All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear."

I have my surgery scheduled for August 1st. July 10-15 we are going on a small vacation with friends and I'd like to enjoy a few drinks or shots. I'm not a beer drinker but asking if anyone had drinks this close to surgery? I will still be three weeks away and not in my two week liquid diet phase. I won't drink everyday but wondering what the thoughts were on occasional drinks while there?

I'm 2 weeks post op gastric sleeve and was excited to start my scrambled eggs today and something very weird happened 30 minutes after eating my 1 scrambled egg. I got this feeling of being drunk (I've been drunk before but haven't had alcohol in 45 days). I got a high feeling, I was slurring my speech,I tried to wake up to go the bathroom and damn near staggered all the way. My husband was really worried but also found it funny because he has seen me like that before but after a few.... so he found it funny that my 1st meal made me drunk. I've Googled and can't get any answers. Fast forward, this evening i had about 6 spoonfuls of plain ground beef and 30 minutes later my husband was waking me up telling me i passed out asleep while on my phone. The first thing I told him was that i felt buzzed like earlier and i slurred my words again. I'm wondering, has this happened to anyone here before? Am I having some weird complication? What am I doing wrong? I might end up calling my surgeon if this keeps happening..... Sent from my SM-G960U using BariatricPal mobile app

I have just got back from a months holiday overseas and am really pleased that in spite of not eating very healthily I still lost weight. Down approx. 1.8kg and almost at goal. The main reason for the not eating as healthily as I should have should have is that for most of the holiday we were staying with other people so restaurants were selected that suited the larger group. We started off in California where we ate mainly Mexican or burger/ribs. I have to say that I like the fact that your restaurants allow and encourage meal sharing as it meant I could have some of hubby's food instead of having to order a huge plate of my own. I know the US has a reputation for huge meals but some of them are so oversized its not surprising so many people struggle with their weight, 4 sliders is not a starter and a sandwich is supposed to be 2 slices of bread not 4 plus chips! It was great to be able to eat ribs without spending the rest of the night in the toilet throwing up which is something that happened to me on countless occasions when I had my band. Then it was onto the UK home of the pub and pub meals. They are fine the first or second time but pubs are like Mexican restaurants - all the same once you get to no 3! We also ate a lot of lunches at store and stately home canteen style cafes. So I was sharing sandwiches with hubby and also sharing cake! One place I loved in both the UK and Hong Kong was Pret a Manger - they had lovely quick easy healthy options like Bircher muesli, yogurt with fruit, sandwiches etc. Our final destination was Hong Kong. This was the only part of the holiday where hubby and I were on our own. We should have had lots of lovely Asian food but we were so busy we mainly ate on the run. The "pasteis de nata" in Macau probably weren't the healthiest breakfast choice but they were fabulous. So essentially I ate a small portion of whatever I wanted without worrying about weight gain. Poor hubby did have lots of leftovers to eat and his relatives in the UK kept commenting on how little I ate although I thought I was eating heaps! I drank alcohol but not in huge quantities. The serves of wine and cider in the UK are huge, they would never allow that much to be served in 1 glass in Aus. I ate cake and I ate chocolate and even had an icecream. I ate that very cautiously as I was terrified I would dump but luckily I didn't. I did have 1 or 2 minor episodes of dumping ( nausea, shakes and palpitations) but that was when I deserved it for doing something stupid like eating chocolate first thing in the morning! Prior to my op I was very concerned as I kept reading about people that had accidents post op.I had visions of having to always carry spare undies or wear adult diapers. Luckily that hasn't been an issue although when I need to go I need to go - sometimes I had to find a loo in a hurry and the hardest place to do that was Hong Kong. Travelling with the bypass has been so much easier than travelling with a band and the variety of food I eat is so much greater and healthier.

I really want a glass of wine. Not the whole bottle, just one glass. My husband and I typically go out to eat and/or meet with friends 2 or 3 times a week. I am tired of sitting there with a glass of Water. I could nurse a glass of Chardonnay or Merlot for at least an hour! I can understand the no beer thing, and also understand alcohol having empty calories. From the healing band standpoint wouldnt the wine just go straight through to my stomach? The only information I can find in my info packet is: "You must also avoid alcoholic drinks, not only are they very caloric but they irritate your stomach. In time you might be able to drink a glass of wine, but it should be done sparingly and with moderation" How much time is 'in time' lol?

I didn't binge but I did eat everything I wanted to before my diet started. I ate my husband's amazing homemade salsa with my favorite chips, had fried chicken, drank diet soda and had a couple of margaritas. I was allowed 1 glass of wine by the doctor at a holiday party and had no alcohol beyond that. I did cheat a little - I had a couple of pigs in a blanket at another holiday party, etc. I was terrified that my little cheats would show up but the doc said my liver looked great as I've never been a heavy drinker and they could see that I followed the diet. I remember seeing an interview with Rex Ryan of the Jets and he said he used to eat 12 tacos at once before his surgery and now he eats 1 to 2 at a time. I used to eat 1 - 2 myself so my husband said I'll probably eat 2 bites. my doctor said that eventually I can probably eat small amounts of what I like and this is sustaining me.

I actually was concerned I was developing alcoholic habits before surgery. I would drink 1-2 bottles of wine in an evening on weekends, and frequently have 2-3 glasses even on week nights. Post surgery I occasionally have a single 3-4 oz glass of wine (now I have to buy the little mini 4 packs!), but I'm pretty tipsy after that one glass. I might have a glass 1-2 x per month. I'm much less depressed than I used to be, and alcohol was a (very poor) coping mechanism. I don't like the feeling of being drunk, so for me, I think surgery improved my habits.

I am nearly 8 months out. I was nearly paranoid about drinking and decided to have a glass of wine at six months. Not sure what I thought would happen...spontaneously combust maybe. All went fine. I don't know about anyone else, but I can't hold enough alcohol to get tipsy, much less get drunk or become an alcoholic. I now enjoy a glass of wine about three evenings a week. I make sure to choose a wine low in calories and I measure out 1/2 cup before I drink. I like having my wine back. I now know I can enjoy my old pastime of visiting wineries.

There is a difference between having a glass of wine with dinner to compliment the meal and downing a whole bottle of 2 buck chuck from Trader Joes just so you can fall asleep at night. While I think mild alcoholism is a dumb term. The bar for what makes you an alcoholic from a medical standpoint is too low, too black and white and too linear. I would say the thing to be watch for especially if you are young, and even more if you are single is that once you start socializing and dating, it is easy for calories to creep in. This happened to me at the tail end of last year. Started dating, going out more and it was hard to track and estimate calories from restaurants without nutritional value. It is too easy to start enjoyying your weight loss and pick up bad habits you didn't have before.

I quit drinking before surgery long before, in an effort to lose weight on my own. I still have no interest. When I go out I drink Water with lime and tip very well. I only know one person personally that had WLS. They never drank before surgery. They were a homebody and felt unattractive. Fast forward to them being down 100lbs. They feel better, more confident, going out several times a week. Lots of drinking. I think that is how some people become alcoholics. Other people who have not done the emotional work, need alcohol as a replacement coping drug because they dont have food.

The first thing I would ask is why do you ask this question? Seriously, what information and/or statement were you hoping to make? I have been a 3-4 day a week social drinker for 40+ years. Since my VSG, I find that I drink less and enjoy it equally well. I discussed this with my surgical team and they agreed that the VSG would help me reduce my moderate alcohol consumption and it has!

I appreciate your story CowgirlJane. I went through a difficult time with my son and DIL yesterday related to my behavior with my grandson and not respecting my DIL as the boy's mother. I must admit I have issues with her and they do spill over. Suffice to say I was very upset yesterday and Mother's Day is in jeopardy. When I got off the phone with my son, the first thing I wanted to do was eat. Anything. Just stuff my face. I wanted to lash out and defend myself...and since I couldn't, I wanted to eat instead. I know that this is my pattern...and I have to learn how not to go that route. Just like a drug addict..or an alcoholic. I know this morning that while the issues with my son and DIL are still unresolved, I at least am not mired in guilt because I also fell off the wagon. As far as your party...you know that you cannot control everything that happens when people are together. Sometimes feelings will be hurt or bruised...things will happen...things will be said. Please don't be tempted to throw out the baby with the bathwater because it sounds like this party was a huge step for you and with all huge steps comes some missteps at times. Just remember to keep on keeping on. Oh...and one more thing...I'm also terrified of being hurt and vulnerable and that was alot of the reasons behind my gaining so much weight...and being so afraid of putting myself out there so just know that even virtually, I have your back and am hoping only the best for you.

Good advice from everyone. I dont know how I've done it but I've managed to lose over Christmas, wow. What I did - kept up, no, INCREASED my exercise. Doug and I have walked 10km (6miles) per day - even at 10pm at night if we had to. Ate the celebration meal, in moderation, and enjoyed it, plum pudding and all - kept the wine to a minimum. No seconds. No dinner Christmas night, strict diet the rest of the time, fruit for Breakfast, kind of thing. We've just been out for Doug's 40th birthday lunch, so no dinner again tonight and a big big long walk. Its doable, you just have to be mindful of what goes in your mouth. Its really not what you sit down at the table to eat that does the damage, its the nibbling and mindless eating, the excessive alcohol, all the little "extras".

You know I'm only 2 weeks and lost 25 lbs in a month and yesterday I felt great gettin back to cooking and I wanted to eat my pork and rice so bad which I'm not aloud to I'm still on the liquid thing but I know what I mean wanting to have a nice big meal **** I wish I I too can have a nice alcoholic drink lol the things we give up to live a healthier and sexier life style

Okay, so I'm getting banded June 6th! Oh I was so excited when I was scheduled! But here's the deal. It's like the closer I get to the surgery date the more scared I am! It's kinda like what I would imagine an alcoholic or drug addict might go through before being admitted to a rehabilitation center. Food has been my comfort now forever!!!! I eat when I'm sad, happy, celebrating, depressed, hungry, bored....the list goes on....I EAT!!! Now I'm scared about my life after surgery. I'm a lower BMI candidate but I'm also 45 and I am definitely headed to more and more weight gain. I'm a RN by trade and I know when people begin to talk about their experiences (i.e., surgeries, child birth etc) the vast majority tend to make them sound more and more horrible. As I'm reading this board I have to say MANY sound tremendously unhappy and miserable with the band and yet when there was a poll over 90% would do it again. SO QUESTION? If I give this my all.....exercising, chewing, chewing, chewing, small and wise portions, never eating in a hurry(barring complications of course....).....are chances being that I will be glad I got this band?

If your are still close to your surgery date, I think the repulsion response is probably pretty typical. Your body is still adjusting to the new smaller stomach and your hormones are adjusting too. I remember that sensation of watching others load a plate and thinking "wow! how on earth?". But then I recall that when I had the same response when I had the flu or a cold, the thought of eating anything major was sort of sickening. this thought reminded me that we just did major surgery and our body is healing. Our bodies natural signals to our brain will be "don't you dare feed me!" This can translate to how we view all food, even that which is consumed by others. I liked @@HopeandAgony 's response as well. When watching others it is good to remember that this was us only a short time ago. Something I noticed about myself was that I was a little too self-righteous about my ability to turn down food those first few months. Something I had always struggled to do now became soooo easy. "No, I am fine and don't want a cookie", "Thank you, but I am going to pass on the chips", "No alcohol for me, thanks anyway...." Mentally, I was saying to myself. "You go girl, you are rocking this!" Just be aware that the further out you get the more that turning food offers down and sitting there while everyone has cake and ice cream gets much harder. I have to remind myself that they don't mean to sabotage me, they are just being nice. Such a different perspective now. I think it was at about 4 months head hunger really kicked in for me. Thankfully I had read things on these forums that helped me be somewhat prepared, but my self-righteous attitude went out the door and now I find that I have to work at setting myself up for the tough moments when someone offers me something. I also learned not to beat myself up too badly when I give in and say yes. I just remind myself to be careful or only take a small portion. But that is my journey, each person can be different.