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I don’t have anywhere/anyone else to vent about this weird behavior to so I’m putting it here so anyone else with weird/unsupportive people in their lives can commiserate. I had surgery in May, after beginning the process in December. Things are going great, I’m losing weight slowly but surely, feeling great, and beginning to love my new appearance. You all know how it goes. Anyway, my mother was unsupportive surgery, didn’t think I should do it, tried to make me second guess myself, told me how she would NEVER do something so drastic, that she and I just needed to get on a diet together and lose our weight the “right way.” I got surgery anyway, and now I’m nearly 60 pounds down and over half way to my goal weight. I weigh less than my mom and now she is telling me that she has only been eating 800 calories a day and she’s going to lose weight without surgery and every time we are together and she is eating, she makes a point to eat a few bites and tell everyone how full she is, how she simply cannot eat that much food! It’s bizarre and annoying. I hope she does diet and lose weight, and if she wants to eat 800 calories, that’s up to her, but it’s just obnoxious and silly the way she is carrying on when we are together. Can anyone relate? Has anyone been weird about their own diets/weight with you since surgery?

Told my husband and two teen girls (we all live in the same house.) Told two good friends. Did not tell mother or sister. Sister still doesn't know. Mom died without ever knowing. I knew my mother would be unsupportive and nasty about it. My sister wouldn't understand (she's never had a weight problem.) Told them at work I was having a procedure and would be out a few days. Whenever anyone asks, I say I track everything I eat, am following a physician led high protein diet, exercise 5-7 days a week and eliminated almost all sugar and flour from my diet. All of that is true. Do not let the negative Nellies get in your head.

well then Tricia... you go ahead and take down the post and remove your account if you so choose... this is a free country and you have every right to do so. I for sure and i'm going to speak for Mis too.. (hope that's ok) didn't mean to insult you only to correct mis-given information. YOU wrote: Pancreatitis caused by gallstones, which were a result of my band. If someone else comes on here and sees what you wrote they are getting uneducated and misinformed information. Simply, the band does not cause gallbladder disease. Your weightloss was the cause... not the band. And unless there were OTHER things wrong with your band, there are no medically necessary reasons why a LB has to be removed to preform a gallbladder removal surgery. ​I wish you all the success in your future endeavors.. MsMaui are you saying that when someone comes on this forum and gives incorrect information, we should all sit silently as to not hurt or seem "unsupportive"? That just won't happen. I have been here for over three years and have been and still are very supportive to all, but i won't sit by and have people give out uneducated and miss-guided information. If the post would have read that she had gallbladder disease and "choose" to have her band out... that would be a different story. But to say that the Band cause it is just completely false.... I challenge you and any other to find any where proof that the LB causes Gallbladder disease ... If you can i will issues an apology..

It can be tough at first when folks start grilling you about being off work and the reason for it. So many folks instantly assume that we all have wls simply to look better when in most cases it's about feeling better and getting healthy. Never ceases to amaze me at how folks scoff at getting healthy. You are early in this deal. It does get much easier later on. I can assure you of that. As the weight comes off and you feel better each day your concern over other's unsupportive comments will diminish just like your belt size. Stay the course and get the results you want. It'll get easier in all aspects.

Hey everyone on the loser's bench. my name is Amy. I started my Journey in Feb when I got a call from a local Bariatric doctor wanting to see me after recieving a heart wrenching letter from my sister. :wub: So my sister and I went in and he was on board to help even though I was uninsured. He said I was too big to safely perform the procedure here so I needed to lose 75-100 lbs and once I did that we could move forward. He told me to call him and keep him posted to my progress that way he wouldn't have to charge me for an office visit. He hoped to meet with me again in 6 months to maybe have a better idea of when we might be able to schedule a surgery. In the meantime he set me up with the Bariatric coordinator and nutritionist at the hospital to meet with regularly. Well this past year I jumped on the HCG band wagin and had already lost 40lbs gaining 20 back once I stopped. But I learned alot while on the diet and now that I have something so big to look forward to ( a new life) I figured maybe this would give me what I needed to kick it into high gear and lose the weight as soon as possible no matter how drastic it may look to others. Also I am nothig but agrgumentative, andI set my goal forApril and no one was going to tell me different. So with a cal count of 500 cals or less a day and 2hrs 5 days a week in the pool I went from 550 the first of feb to 480 mid apr. When I made the appointment with the dr and he saw my progress he was astonished and shock my hand that day saying he was on board and we were doing this. My surgery was scheduled for the first wednesday in May. I went in for preop the went prior to that and the day before the surgery I get the call saying my ekg came back bad and I would need to cardio. So the next day I was there and was given a all clear by him right away after he gave me an echo, and blood work that came back fine. So my new date was set for May 16th two weeks ago today. Sofar so good. I had no complications in surgeryand have had no set backs since I got home. I am trying to just learn my new tummy. I have just started the soft food stage which from my dr includes (eggs, tuna, deli meats, refried beans) I am excited for this because I was having an awful time wanting the protein shakes so now I feel I have better variety. Everything I have tried so far has gone well. I did have an egg white and cheese omelet (part of one anyway) last night that made my tummy get after me a little bit, but I think it was more the speed I was eating no what I was eating. So again just learning my tummy and how to really eat right will be the key I think. Refried beans and mashed taters do real well I have not been getting out and walking as much as I should (let the verbal assult commence) I know I need to, again this is something I need to just get use to. My start weight was 570 a year ago and well at 570 there is not much activity so I have become use to a seditary lifestyle and it is hard to come to terms that already that is not me. Since as of this morning I weigh in at 450 a full 120lbs since last year. Only 24 of that is post wls. So another thing I need to learn is how to get out and live. I am so use to keeping super busy with as little physical activity as possible because it hurts! Well now it doesn't so I need to just get going! Right now my only concerns are leaks I am so afraid I will do something that will cause me to hurt my new tummy and cause a leak, more time in the hosp, and more $$$ added to my bill. I am also afraid of eating too much or too little, but that where learning my tummy comes in. The first week and half I was scared to drink too much at a time because people kept saying sip sip sip so I did and I NEVER got all my fluids in. So what is a sip what is a gulp??? I discovered that I can drink normally I just can not drink like I am quenching a thirst (cup tilted back sucking down the fluid) that ladies and gentlemen is gulping (atleast in my case). As far as healing goes, I feel good. I have no real pain except muscle soreness, sometimes a sharp pain when I do stupid things like trying to stand unsupported using my tummy muscles or rolling over in bed, but I believe that is muscle too, I hope My incesions have healed except the spot my drain came out, but Dr just took that out last Thursday. It looks good, but not healed yet. I am super excited about this journey and excited to have a chance in my life to know what normal feels like because never in my whole life (since I was 2 anyway) have I been a "normal" size. But as my fav Author Dr Suess say " Why fit in when you were born to stand out" I don't think I will have any problem standing out no matter what size I am !!!!!

Guess ill get flamed for this, but don't really care. B52 this is supposed to be a support forum and right now you're being pretty unsupportive and sounding very critical and judgmental to those who aren't where you are. have recently hit green and thanks to my plication have never had to experience bandster hell per say. But lots of folks are not in the green and lots of them are still in bandster hell and are looking for encouragement, not to be told they are naive or scowled upon. I'm not getting the reason for your posts. I don't believe you are looking down you nose on folks, but it could be perceived by some that way.

I haven't told many people and I don't intend too. My husband is being an unsupportive piece of **** despite already having my surgery set for July 31st.

Thank you all on your responses regarding my anxiety. I am in Dr. GARTH Davis' office right now. This is the last time I'll see him until surgery February 2nd. I am still very anxious but I have an appointment with the hospital the 29th to register and I'll have to talk to them about it then. I start my liquid prep tomorrow which I'm nervous about...it's going to be difficult...but it needs to be done. Also, has anyone had experience with a significant other being unsupportive? My bf scared something bad is going to happen to me and that I shouldnt risk my life when I can just stop bring "lazy". He says he believes I can do it on my own. But he doesn't get it... I can lose weight. I have a million times but I gain it back twice as much. It's always one step forward and 2 steps back. I'm tired of the circle. I need this tool to help me be successful

Very few people know about my surgery. This was a hard enough thing to do without the possibility of unsupportive people and negative comments

I have about had it with my in-laws. I am so unsure of what to do with them right now. I am hoping someone here can help me put this all together & figure out where I should go from here. Here's the short version of the story: I had my surgery in Mexico. I chose to tell everyone about getting Lapband surgery upfront, but my husband & I decided not to tell everyone about Mexico until AFTER the surgery. We told everyone that we were traveling to San Diego for the surgery. (Which really is the truth, we just crossed the border!!) 6-weeks AFTER the surgery, we felt it was time to tell everyone about Mexico. (I just believe in being honest & didn't want any secrets!) My family & friends had no problems! My in-laws flipped out!! They told us they were coming over for a meeting & then for 2 hrs. went on & on about my deceitfulness & how my bad example was rubbing off on my kids. (Please note that at NO TIME have I ever in the past or present lied to my in-laws. This one incident is what the only basis of their judgment.) I was very hurt by this & could not sleep that night. Since I couldn't sleep, I got up & wrote them a letter through e-mail & sent it. I simply shared my feelings. My in-laws did not speak to me for 6-months over this letter!! Last week they called my husband & said they wanted to meet. So, we hooked up at a restaurant & were there for 3 hrs. while they finished off what they started 6 months ago. I thought they were wanting to meet to apologize to me. :straight I left feeling worse!!! They feel that I LIED to them & led them to believe something that wasn't the truth. They felt that I didn't trust them by telling them up front. They said they were very concerned for my safety & the safety of my children - that I was thoughtless & selfish to do something like this. My husband really layed in on them that night!! He did most of the talking & I was proud of him. I've never seen him so rude to his parents before!!!!!! He's usually a kind-hearted easy going man. However, he regrets getting mad & now their relationship is worse. I have lost 50 lbs. since they've seen me. My MIL kept staring at me when I got up to get a drink or go to the restroom. She was eyeing me in a weird way. It's almost as if she's jealous!! (She is VERY overweight herself!) I have felt miserable for the past few days & don't know what to do. I am actually coming to the conclusion that perhaps I was wrong? (ME?! WRONG?!?!) UP to this point, I truly felt that what I did was okay. Is there some law that says I'm required to tell my in-laws that I am having surgery in Mexico? It's MY LIFE for goodness sake. I didn't tell them about Mexico upfront because I knew they would FREAK OUT!! They're just that way. It would have ruined our whole trip. I would appreciate ALL OPINIONS!! If you really think that what I did was deceitful, please share your feelings. I am hoping to get some insight that maybe I just don't see. I just want this craziness to be over!! My kids miss seeing Grandma & Grandpa!!!!!!!

I’m sorry your dad is being unsupportive. It’s always hardest to block out hurtful comments by those we love. Did you point out how much you’ve actually lost? It was early in the second month post surgery I think when a friend commented. I was wearing a more fitted dress that used to pull across my butt & tummy a bit in the past & now skimmed. I’d lost about 12kg ( 26lbs) in total. I was still wearing mostly the same clothes but they fit better. The only pieces that were verging on too big were those with proper waist bands everything else had elastic bands or drawstrings so could fit multi sizes. However, importantly, my staring weight was less than yours (based on what you want to lose) so it took less weight loss to see any difference. You’re losing weight from all over your body not just your torso. Try taking photos & body measurements - thighs, calves, upper & lower arms, waist, hips, breast & compare those too not just the scales & the size on your clothing tags. Remember the difference between one size & the next is usually 2 inches so, for e.g., your waist would have to be a good 2 inches smaller for you to need to drop a size (in a fitted waist outfit). General advice is if you lose about 10lbs you’ll drop a size but that really only applies to those in the healthy weight range & dropping say from a US size 12 - 10. If you’re smaller it takes less weight loss & vice versa. Your dad will be changing his thinking in another month or so. Keep up your great work.

My husband was super supportive before surgery, helooked up the surgery on-line and learned about it. He and I both agreed that it would be best for me. I have to say that now that it is done, things are different. I don't want to say that he is unsupportive necessarily but he just doesn't realize a lot of my restrictions. He bought me a bottle yesterday (super nice) but it's a straw one and I can't drink out of a straw. He said oh I'll make rice for us the other day...I can't eat rice. I guess he just forgets a lot but sometimes it drives me crazy!? It makes me feel like he doesn't really care.

Mine was very opposed but mostly out of fear and concern for me. He was unsupportive until we had a very frank conversation a few days before my surgery. I told him what an asshat he was being and so while he didn't agree with my decision, he drove me to the hospital and took time off to be with me afterward. Two things that he wasn't going to do prior to my confronting him. Now that I'm on the other side, he sees that I am ok and hasn't continued with the negativity. He still doesn't really understand it all and wants to know when I'm going to eat a sandwich and some chips but that's ok. Lol!

Ah, I totally get where you are coming from. It reminds me of this habit my mom has. If you call her on bad behavior, she'll deny it, and argue with you. But then she goes home and thinks about it. If she discovers you are right, she will change the behavior, but it is never brought up again. If you do bring something like this up, you have somehow remembered it wrong and it was never like that. My mom was always supportive of me being banded, but as an example, if she hadn't been, but then became supportive, she would deny ever having been unsupportive, you know? It sounds kind of like the same thing. If I was in your situation, and called my mom on your mom's behavior, she'd say things like "I just didn't know how it worked" or "I thought it was like the bypass" or even "I didn't say that". I wonder if anyone every truly understand their parents, lol

Is he threatening you somehow - "you'll make horrible fatty dinners or else!" Make what you feel comfortable making for your family. If they want something else, then he is a grown adult (I'm assuming) that knows how to read the back of a package or find a restaurant on his own, right? But the big picture is that he is being extremely unsupportive and selfish, and undermining you - saying if you can't do this, you should get out if you can't provide him what he wants... if he's husband/relative/significant other, maybe you need to assess just what you're getting out of this relationship if he can't be happy and supportive of you having this surgery? And it is VERY telling that you yourself are unclear about your relationship with this partner - you call him "the guy that I am with" which is distant and cold - and a weird way to define a relationship that you're happy with. Do some deep thinking and try to talk to this guy and see if you're both really, truly happy and supportive of each other, or maybe it's time to go your separate ways if this is the level of intimacy that you currently have. Maybe you should leave and go stay with relatives... and then make the leaving permanent and go find a nice place for yourself and your kid(s) without this guy.

What an ass you’re surgeon is! They’re being incredibly unsupportive. How much weight was your surgeon expecting you to lose? 21lbs in 4 weeks is a great loss. Everyone loses at their own rate. Your gender, age, staring weight, activity level, metabolic rate, etc. all impact the rate at which you lose. That’s why comparisons with others are not the best way to judge your progress. Have you ever lost that much weight in a month before? I bet you haven’t - I certainly had never lost at my rate ever before. Celebrate every pound you lose.

It's important to remember that just because someone is in a medical profession it doesn't mean that they have been educated about bariatic surgery. Some still see it as a last-resort or as 'copping out'. My PCP is totally stoked about my choice to pursue gastric bypass but two family members in medical professions (nurse and general practitioner irrespective) have been distinctly unsupportive. Ultimately I choose to side with those who have all the information available. Good luck! Sent from my SM-G920W8 using BariatricPal mobile app

Hi Lady & Welcome! I didn't tell anyone in my family but my husband! He was and continues to be a supportive light in my life. I didn't tell my mom or dad or any family member until I was approved for surgery. some family...I waited until after.. None of my family knew I was pre-diabetic, hypertensive, and have high cholesterol. I am 38 years old and I am considerd morbidly obese...sounds so grotesque when you see it on paper...or electronically in this case! So when I finally told them that I was approved to have the surgery I got an ok from my brother.. Silence from my dad..then an ok.. And a ok from my mom with and are you sure??? This was the very reason I didn't tell anyone! I think that sometimes family fear the unknown which is why I asked my hubby to come to every appt. with me to become educated with me on the process and he did which is why I think he is supportive. Perhaps your family has this same fear..are there required seminars you can attend? Ask your mom to come to a support group and let her see the people who have succeeded. In fact, if she refuses, challenge her to come and face that fear. Let her hear those who had complications but overcame them and have gone on to succeed. Tell your mom to ask questions.. Those people are the ones who can educated her. Bring her to the seminar when you first started...let her look around the room and show her you aren't alone. Let her hear the doctors, the dietitians, the nurses and what they have to say about the process..because they are the "medical experts". Let her hear from people who have already walked the path because they are the "ultimate expert". I feel you are saddened because they aren't supportive. I would then ask them to come and see...and remind the gently that comments can be hurtful if one is commenting without being educated on the process first. And in the end..if they still are unsupportive...you will always have us here. U are one of us now! You are part of a special sorority/ fraternity of men and women who are so full of life that all we want is for our bodies to feel and be better so we can embrace that life we have been given! Good luck on your journey! I look forward to reading about your many success stories to come!!!

Hi- I'm new to this forum. I was banded in February 2004. For the longest time, the band was my miracle. I released sixty pounds and maintained my weight around 200 pounds. While this wasn't "skinny" it felt very healthy to me. In December 2006, I slowly began gaining weight. Over time, I've found that I can eat more and more. When I had a test under floro done last March, they said that the band was still tight, but my esophogas had stretched. I went on liquids for a few weeks. It's now almost eighteen months later and I've slowly found my way back to 229 pounds. I've found ways to eat around the band. This was not purposeful, it's just that now I'm noticing that I've become more of a grazer and the band is no longer my sentry or my signal to stop. I can eat sandwiches, burgers, an entire lean cuisine... none of these things are bad on their own, but the band used to help me with portion control. Now I'm able to eat more "normally" and on top of that, I'm eating things like chocolate and Cookies. It feels like all my old unsupportive habits are back in play again. This makes me so sad... In addition, I've started to experience acid reflux in the night while I'm sleeping... all of a sudden I wake up coughing with acid in my mouth. I'm going to see the doctor this week and have scheduled another floro. I suspect that I'm going to need to have the Fluid removed from my band so that I can "rest" everything for awhile and let the esophogus calm down so that I cannot eat so much at once. Truth is I'm rather sad about all of this. For a few years I experienced total freedom from compulsive eating. I lived with tremendous trust that my band and I were trusty partners and that I could release myself from having to worry and not have to monitor what I was eating all the time. But old habits are back now, and I'm able to eat in ways that aren't supporting maintaining a lower weight. My dream is to feel the exquisite freedom of not having to monitor my eating all the time. I would love to be in total sync with my body, my appetite and food. A long time ago when I was on Phen/Fen, I experienced what this was like. Within an hour of taking my first dose, I didn't care about food... and I craved things like carrots and apples. It was a miracle and I remember thinking, "so this is what it is like to experience food like a normal person." The band gave me that sense of freedom for a long time. But now I feel like I'm back and square one... Please send prayers and light that I gracefully find my way in healing this experience for the last time and that I begin eating in a way that honors and supports my vibrant radiant health! Thank you for listening... I just needed somewhere to share this morning. Starrgirrl

Both my mom and sister have each had WLS. Neither of them made the necessary changes and both lost a very minimal amount of weight. They were the only two people I told besides my husband. They were unsupportive. Both said it was a waste of my time and money and that I should just do it on my own. I figured that if 2 people who have been through it wouldn't support me, I didn't need to waste my time convincing anyone else. I live my life for me, my husband, and our kids: as long as we are in agreement, no other opinions matter. After surgery, when my weight loss is showing, I will proudly tell people.,

Hi there, chin up, I think you will be fine. Congrats on the weight loss it is great and will only keep going. You do not need unsupportive people in your life, medical or otherwise. All they check up now is that you do not develop defficiencies and your GP can do that for you.Wish I was as far out as you but will only be 1 month on the 23rd but 30 lb down.

You will do great! Choose a friend who you know will be supportive. I have a gal who had the LBS a few yrs back and she is going to be my rock, I also have my 2 besties that are super supportive, and I own my own business and my customers are my support even though they don't have a clue they are. One man came in and told me the other day (in front of my husband) "wow, did you do something different with your hair?" I of course said nope been the same for year...just needs a dye job He said "I almost didn't come in cuz it didn't look like you...something is different maybe your face is thinner....'ARE YOU LOSING WEIGHT?' he says....you look great! so the public even though they may not know you had WLS will be complimentive....I'm pretty straight up with most people about WLS but there is that line of personal/business.... I had my surgery in Mexico...My husband had many opportunities to say his peace but chose the morning I was to fly out...he said "Do you have your last will and testiment made out? Going to a 3rd world country for surgery' not sure how much stupider you could be" He left and went to work. I stopped by his work to tell him goodbye I also wrote him a love letter before I left and left it for him to have when I was gone. "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health"....Remember your vows. I have known for yrs...he is just like his father who after 50 yrs of marriage to his mother decided he did not want her to live with him anymore....HA not here he better straighten up and fly right.....And I think there is alot of insecurity going on in my man...as he tends to spend xtra time in my office but still manages to say and do things that are rude and unsupportive. I hope once I start losing more, he will continue to take notice that my activities are increasing and my energy is increasing, and my whole livleyhood is increasing...I am also reading a book how a woman should pray for her husband...It guides you thru how we should pray for our husbands and different things we can do to make them feel special and well loved. My book should be here tomorrow I think. I'm ready to put into action any idea that will show him my love and help reform his behavior and feelings toward me, fat or thin.

Hello-- I, too was just banded and pretty young. :tt1: Sounds like you have kind of an unsupportive social network, which makes me sad. I know how hard it must've been growing up around all "twigs." The shoulder pain gets much better, just keep moving. My doctor has me on Clear liquids until the 15th (Thursday). Not too much fun, but I'm hoping it gives my body plenty of time to heal. The clear liquids aren't too bad. KEEP WALKING, it eases that shoulder pain. Also, if it gets bad, use a heating bad and GAS-X helps me a lot. Good luck and you are in my prayers.

Darling, you are not defined by your weight, how quickly you lose, or even if you lose. But I can promise you this, the people around you will be scared of the change in you. They will be scared for you too and it will come out in awful ways that they don't really mean. Or it will be an issue that they're dealing with and the way they deal with it is in ways that make you feel bad. My advice to you is to own this. Whether you lose or not, whether you lose fast or slow or not at all, make this all about YOU. I say this out of experience. My family were and still are incredibly unsupportive of the lapband. Despite the fact that it probably saved my life. They didn't like me no longer fitting into the role of the 'fat daughter/sister' and I've lived with jibes and little passive aggressive comments for years. But I understand that I forced a change on them that they found difficult to cope with. They saw me transform right in front of their eyes, changing a lifetime of behaviours, concentrating on myself more (where I used to be the one everyone depended on to 'be there' and drop everything for everyone else) and it changed the dymanics of the family. So yes he is an ass to have done that to you, but I reckon you need to see it for what it is - he's scared and this is the way he's showing it. I feel sorry for my family more than anything. My life changed for the better, and their's didn't seem to.

Is making this choice even more difficult for me to make. He's not fat and has never been so I feel like he will never understand me. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has or had a similar problem and how where you able to over come it.