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I am two years out and don't follow the rules, but like Queen of Crop, I eat sensibly. I no longer track Protein and carbs, but I remain aware of the general balance that I should maintain. I do eat sweets daily, and have a couple of alcoholic drinks on Saturday evening. I never eat a big meal, but have several small meals each day. I have never had the soda habit. If I tracked I think I would find that I eat more carbs than I think. Fortunately, I have no desire for rich fatty foods such as cheeseburgers, fries, milkshakes. I'll take a baked sweet potato, please. I have no trouble at this point maintaining my desired weight, which is a few pounds over the recommended BMI. I have a ridiculously high metabolism, and I've said here before how embarrassing that is because it means I really had to work hard to get so heavy! Unfortunately, I have yet to hit the first lick of exercise (hangs head in shame...).

Let’s say it’s true that some obese people spend a great deal of time “doing” things for other people. Why do obese people do that? Is it because they truly care only for others? Or perhaps they feel “obligated” (lest people think badly of them or less of them)? Maybe they do so much for others for fear they won’t be included by others if they don’t? Maybe they do so much for others because it makes them feel better about themselves? Here’s another question: What, exactly, does that “caring for others” look like? In a lot of “obese homes,” the obese parent(s) feed their children junk food because they don’t want to “deprive them” of “fun foods” that “other kids get to eat…” In other words, they “selflessly” take care of their kids by feeding them junk. How, exactly is poor nutrition caring for a child? Could it be that the obese parent(s) feels guilty about their own, poor eating behaviors? Maybe they don’t want to have to explain why they are “allowed” to eat one way, but the kids are expected to eat another? Could it be that the obese parent(s) really want the junk food at home for themselves and use the kids as an excuse for having it there? “I wouldn’t want them to have to be deprived because I can’t have it.” Makes you think. Doesn’t it? Obese people are definitely going to find ways to take care of (feed) their obesity – with frequent trips to the fast food drive-thru, late night runs to the market to pick up ice cream, or having dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet (because it’s a “good value” for the money). Obese people create ways to take care of their own “needs” very well. They take great pains to ensure there are always emergency treats squirreled away in the pantry or bottom drawer at the office, just in case. They’ve always got some cookies, chips or candy in the car (so they won’t starve.) Does this make them selfish? Not in and of itself… What makes the behaviors of the obese person selfish are the consequences to other people… Read on. Let’s talk for a minute about the many obese people who have co-morbid diseases including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and diabetes (to name a few). Diabetes and each one of these diseases individually kill people every day. The combination of obesity with any of them (and obese people usually have several co-morbid diseases, especially as they get older), increases the likelihood of a premature death. Ah – but, “I can always take medicine” and “more medicine” and “more medicine” to treat those other diseases. The reality? In effect, many obese people are saying, “I’d rather take more and more and more medications, all of which have side effects, than to change my eating and eliminate the need for the medications. By changing my eating behaviors… I could eliminate the diseases. But I’d rather eat.” Right now, you might be thinking: Obese people like to eat – everyone needs to eat – how is that selfish? Easy: It’s not just about the food. Let’s talk about the effects on others of the above-mentioned behaviors. What happens when an obese person’s health declines to the point that he/she isn’t able to walk easily? Perhaps they eventually need a scooter to get around? And maybe they become couch-bound or bed-bound? The ability of the obese person to get around on their own affects everyone involved in their lives – especially if the non-obese members want to engage in outside family activities. Spouses and kids often forego sporting activities, extra-curricular events, and social gatherings because it creates too many problems for the obese parent, who is unable or unwilling to drive the kids to events, is too embarrassed to attend events, or is unable to get around once they get to an event. Kids and spouses often have to cater to the obese parent at home by fetching them food, books and TV remotes. Family members have to help with activities of daily living such as bathing and dressing the obese family member. Many a teenager has dedicated considerable time to care-taking for obese parents and in the process, misses out on an important developmental stage of life. The obese person needs help attending numerous doctors’, wound care and physical therapy appointments. Ultimately, the obese person’s needs dictate what others can and cannot do. That doesn’t sound all that “selfless,” especially when an obese adult, like an adult alcoholic or adult compulsive shopper or adult cigarette smoker has options for seeking treatment and therapy. Yes, there are many contributing factors to obesity, many that a person has no influence over (genetics, diseases). There are even more contributing factors to obesity that one can influence (environment, food choices, exercise). On the contrary, the above examples sound like the actions of a person who is looking out for “number one” – not someone more concerned with the needs of others…which sounds suspiciously like the definition of selfish, don’t you think? Now, don’t get us wrong, being selfish isn’t necessarily a negative thing…there are healthy ways to be selfish, including: Going to the gym regularly to take care of your health, even if it means you’ll miss some television time with the family. Not bringing junk food into the home – even if the kids might like it – because it’s not good for your health, or theirs. Spending money on vitamins and supplements each month, even if it means you’ll have less money for “entertainment” or “dining out.” Basically, healthy selfishness means that you take care of yourself in healthy ways. You take care of yourself AND keep in mind the important people in your life and how your actions will affect their lives as well. It’s important to note that being selfless is not necessarily better than being selfish, because selfless people often ignore their own needs and wants, resulting in their feeling unworthy, unvalued or unimportant. And most of the time, also leads to their feeling resentful (being the “victim” of always doing for others … although it’s really being the victim of their unconscious neediness). That’s not a good thing, either! In other words, both extremes – being selfish and being selfless - are equally unhealthy. Of course, this couldn’t be an article by A Post Op & A Doc without noting that seemingly “selfish” or “selfless” people (whether obese or not) are not “bad,” which the words (selfish especially) connotes. Like anyone whose lives on the continuum of dysfunction (which means all of us), obese people have learned to use food for what is referred to in the world of psychology as “experiential avoidance.” This means food and the obsession on food, weight, scales, recipes, food shows, etc. keeps them from dealing with “unacceptable” thoughts, feelings, memories, and/or physical sensations (such as anxiety, sadness, etc.). Don’t believe us? That’s okay. Getting to that awareness is a process. What’s important is to understand that we are not “dissing” anyone for being “selfish.” Ultimately, it’s important to be grateful for eating and food that was, at one point in time, for most obese people, a way to cope with situations or people that caused emotional distress. The “selfish” or “selfless” behaviors we are talking about are the long-term result of not dealing with life by numbing with food because one didn’t have the skills. In life today, as an adult, you can learn (and, we believe, have the ability to respond = responsibility,) to learn to deal with life stressors in healthy ways … without “using” food or other numbing agents (shopping, alcohol, other drugs, gambling, etc.). Hopefully, you’ll read this as an invitation to dig deep into your issues, learn healthy responses to life, and be a healthy “selfish” or “selfless” person. Ultimately, a healthy, balanced person understands and meets their physical, emotional and spiritual needs while keeping in mind the needs of others. Does this sound like something many obese people practice? We would argue that it doesn’t. Adults who haven’t known how to meet their needs in balanced ways, can now take the opportunity to learn healthy “selfish” and “selfless” ways of behaving. (Note: it usually requires therapy in addition to changing behaviors). Wait… this is getting deep! Why is this article called “Me, My Selfie & I”? In this fast-paced, Facebook world, where everyone has a camera phone, people spend all day connecting with other people through status updates and tweets about what they’re doing, where they’re going, what they’re eating, how they’re dressed, and who they’re dating. And, it often doesn’t seem to matter how mundane it is. Apparently everyone thinks their “friends” need to know, “Hey! I’m at Starbucks, drinking a sugar-filled Frappuccino with whipped cream and criticizing that guy at the next table. And, just to convince you I’m actually there, here’s a picture of ME and my drink (but not the annoying guy at the next table.)” “Hey! Guess where I am now? I’m in the try-on room in the junior department of that cool clothing store and I can’t believe I fit into a size medium. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture of my butt in some teeny jeans. Don’t think that’s my butt? Here’s a picture of me in front of the mirror, holding my phone towards the mirror so you can see me… with my real butt in my teeny jeans. Whoo-hoo! I rock!” “Now I’m at the gym, sweating a lot. See? Here I am with sweat running down my face. Phew!” “After that workout, I’m hungry, so here I am at the restaurant eating this amazing food. (See the food? See me with the food? Oh, I had to have the person at the next table take my picture so you could see me and the food at the same time.)” “Man, it’s been a long, hard day…so now it’s time for some ‘me time’ at the nail salon. I’m having a pedicure (here’s a picture of my feet – I had them put little diamonds on my big toes. I really love my toes…) Here’s a picture of me wearing new shoes so you can see my painted toenails.” And that was just today. Maybe you think that sounds nasty or sarcastic or absurd, but we ask you: how many of your Facebook friends fit that description? Maybe YOU fit that description…? Okay, it’s true that when people lose a lot of weight, they feel good about themselves and are no longer afraid to have their picture taken. This is a sign of increasing confidence (you say). It’s evidence that the person finally cares about him or herself (you contend). There is nothing wrong with having a lot of pictures of you (you believe) – after all, you spent a lot of years on the other side of the camera. You’re making up for lost time. Well, we won’t argue about someone’s self-confidence, self-worth or belief about their appearance, but will say that, at some point, 4,000 pictures of you on your Facebook wall can give others the impression that you don’t have any friends or family in your life – or, at least none that you care enough about to include in your photos. It can seem pretty selfish…which makes us wonder why they don’t call Selfies, “Selfy-ishes.” Maybe you see yourself in this article. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you can understand how selfish obesity really is…and maybe you recognize that you need to work on achieving a balance of “healthy selfishness” in your own life. Whatever the case, next time you think you need to post a selfie…why not invite someone to join you in the shot? You can still hold the camera, if it makes you feel better. Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. The Post Op and The Doc info@apostopandadoc.com

Congratulations on your decision to move forward, and welcome to the forum! I can't speak to everyone's psych exam, but mine was very easy and not nearly as scary as I was worried it would be. I answered a few pages of questions and then spoke to the doctor for a little bit. He was looking for what my expectations were, and see if i was prepared to make the long term changes for success. He also focused on if I had a tendency toward addiction. Some people who have food addictions, turn to to other things .. alcohol or drugs, when food can't be consumed in the quantities as before. I went in thinking that if a medical professional felt I wasn't ready, then maybe I wasn't. Thankfully that was not the case, I'm sure you'll be fine. Good luck!!!

I'm curious to know if veterans still follow the "rules". Like a certain amount of Protein per day, no soda, no alcohol, no rice/pasta or heavy carbs in general, etc.... ? I spent last weekend with a cousin who had the surgery a year ago. I was shocked when I saw him eat a burger and had a sprite, later on, he had a rich haggendaz milkshake, then at dinner, a cheese and bacon sandwich with the thickest bread there was in the house, and he ate it all. He does exercise. But it seem to be the only rule he still follows. I couldn't believe everything he ate. So how about everyone else? Veterans? What's life like now?

Anyone can go to a party. Its whether you go to a party and can stay strong. Rule of thumb so early out? If it is nutritionally bad for you? Don't eat it - it'll make you feel awful. Try and identify the 'better' options around the table. Or better still, eat before you go to avoid having to eat whilst you're there, drink something with no carbonation, avoid alcohol and enjoy the company and surroundings. Doesn't always have to be about the food, so make the company, surroundings and music your focus instead. If it gets tough? Leave early. Your friend will be happy that you showed and you'll be happy that you socialised but managed to stay strong. A party is not an interview with the firing squad! Well, it shouldn't be! Best of luck

Hi there! I didn't have a preop diet. Just the day before was an all liquid diet. The handbook and doctor said no smoking or drinking alcohol six weeks before surgery. I know my friend had to do a fasting but she also needed to shrink down her liver and she went somewhere else. Who is your doctor, if you don't mind me asking.

I'm headed toward sun and sand tomorrow, but I'm worried that also includes more alcohol and good food! Good luck to us both!

I had my first glass of wine at 6 weeks out and was completely fine! I've read a lot of people that talk about one glass making them drunk, but that hasn't been the case for me at all! I'm almost 3 months out now and have probably had 6 glasses of wine total and have not been even close to being drunk after 2 glasses! I haven't drank any hard liquor or beer though, so that might be a different story. I'm not sure if I'm just at a stall or if there is a correlation with me having a glass of wine every now and again, but the scale has not been moving much these past few weeks so I'm going back to ZERO alcohol for the next few months!

Honest answer- if I want a cocktail with friends , I have one. One is the key . I can't afford to waste my precious calories on alcohol , and since surgery, one drink goes a long way! My first drink was 8 weeks post op. I think one of the biggest reasons for caution (bedsides the empty calories) is the possibility of cross addiction from food to booze. That's another reason for my " one and done" style.

I had a sip of red wine at about six weeks out and it did not sit well. I waited another month before trying again. It went okay, but I consume alcohol very cautiously now simply because of the empty calories. They really add up!

I'm now almost 16 months out. I had my first alcoholic drink after 3 1/2 months. I do still drink on occasion, however I'm an incredible lightweight now. I used to be able to have an entire bottle of wine by myself and still barely feel drunk. Now, less than one glass and I'm practically trashed! Talk about a cheap date! Also, Alcohol has taken on a much stronger taste to me. Even mixed drinks with the slightest amount of booze is much more pungent. I stil rarely do champagne, and I never drank beer before, but mainly with champagne it's because of the carbonation. Carbonation makes my tummy feel terrible, like it's going to explode. Not everyone has the same experiences. These are mine. Hope it helps

I had my sleeve mid January. I waited a month before having any alcohol and only had a glass of wine. At 6 weeks, I had a martini. I drank both the wine and martini slowly over an hour or so. I didn't notice any difference than before my surgery.

WHen did you (after surgery) drink any alcoholic beverage?? Wine, or hard liquor whatever, this is just informational for me, and also how did you feel? And did you do it again? Thanks

I would define a 'healthy' bar as one that has less than 10g sugar, low sugar alcohol (sugar alcohol can cause dumping also according to my nut, and it definitely gives you gas), low fat (less than 3g), high protein, and low sodium. It's hard to find all that in one bar, something must be sacrificed. For me, I'll choose a low sugar, high Protein Bar even if the fat content is more than I'd like. :-)

If you go to the search bar and type in "alcohol after the sleeve", and click the "down arrow" under topic and choose forum, a bunch of forums show up. Some of them are very informative. I hope this helps.

Great question, I'm inly a week out so I wouldn't know yet but I am curious of the answers though. I was told the same thing about the alcohol hitting hard.

So Happy that my surgery is only 2-1/2 weeks away!!! I have been working on getting my house clean this week and today and man till today I didn't realize how much my weight holds me back. I did most of the cleaning this week and today I just swept the rug up in my hallway upstairs cause it's a low pile rug and I wanted to get all the fuzzy's up and my vacuum is a POS, so I did that and it's only about 15 feet long then swept it down the stairs which there is only 10 stairs with a little landing in the middle and I am sweating like no other and now I just want to take a shower cause I feel like crap? So I don't think I am getting much more done today. I can't believe just how far I let myself get, and how much it holds me back. I am lucky I have a wonderful boyfriend that will help me out with the house cleaning and keeping it up, and my kids well they will when they realize what I just went through after the surgery. They don't know yet, cause I don't want them telling their father or mostly their fathers girlfriend, she thinks I take drugs to loose weight, but i am the biggest anti drug person I know. I don't drink alcohol, and I definitely don't do drugs. So I have decided that I won't tell them till the day before. I just got my paperwork in from the doctor yesterday confirming my date and time for my appointments coming up and I am super excited for all this to begin. I have to go to the hospital where I am having the procedure done on the 4th at 9:30 and then to my doctors right after I am done there, then start my 2 week diet the 5th, and then on the 19th I need to be at the hospital at 6 am for a 9 am surgery. I am going to have to figure out what I will do with my kids that morning so that I can get them off to school, but I am sure my mom will help me out. So I am ready and nothing is stopping me now. I hope that everyone that has their surgeries coming up in march and in the future good luck!!! I know much this means to me, so I know how much this must mean to you too!!

I had to do the two week liver shrink diet, which is basically Atkins. I decided to cut out all caffeine, carbonation and alcohol then since I couldn't have it after surgery anyways, it just made it easier for there to be three less things I usually had but could no longer have. Going sugar free was hard enough at first anyways lol.

Absolutely not. Have at it. As long as you're not getting smashed out of your mind (because alcohol dehydrates and can take a while to work out of your system) and its just a feed of mexican food (hopefully the balanced good stuff), it will not throw your pre-op diet off. I was reliably informed by my bariatric nurse, the pre-op diet is to stop those who are chuffing down multiple bottles of booze and eating fried everything daily. A week before surgery I went out on the lash (drinking) with some gusto about 7 days before surgery. The night before surgery I had pizza, chicken tenders and a coke. I was given permission to do so.. That being said, however, i was a relatively low BMI starter, so the liver shrinking wasn't such a pressing issue for me. Whats your BMI right now? If my BMI was very high, I might not consider having the alcohol and just have the dinner. If you moderate your intake, so you're not a total glutton (maybe max 4 drinks, with Water in between and some food), it should be all good by Monday. Just be mindful as previously stated; it might mess with your head a bit after you get sleeved. I definitely mourned what I could no longer have in the short term. But then in saying that, this could be seen as a little food funeral (and EVERYONE, has had some form of that). I say go for it. In three days your world is going to change. Dramatically. Enjoy

I am so excited that everyone responded - perhaps we can get some sort of support group together at some point in the future. So here is my story in a nutshell - can't believe I'm still hanging in, without alcohol or drugs:-) I was supposed to have the surgery on Jan 15 - I’m in Princeton Medical Center, hooked up to IV, 45 minutes before surgery and my surgeon enters the room (in street clothes) to discuss biopsy results from my endoscopy indicating I may have Barrett's Esophagus and therefore sleeve would make it worse. Surgery was cancelled, I go on meds and last week I had another endoscopy and results were good – no problem. My surgeon wanted to be sure. So now we are all set for March 4th and…………………………………..SNOW???? I already booked a room at the Crowne Plaza down the block from the hospital because if the janitor has to perform the surgery, it’s happening! Hopefully my significant other will be able to get home on Monday to go with me - otherwise I will drive there and leave my car in hospital parking lot. Now I am on liquid Proteins for the 2nd time – today is day 11 and I want to kill people. It gets better – Dr. calls me Wednesday night – I had blood test done for pre-admissions and guess what………………………….electrolytes are raised – so now have to drink coconut Water and Gatorade to get levels up, have another blood test on Monday and hope it’s up otherwise anesthesiologist may cancel the surgery!

Hi everyone. Sounds like everyone is doing pretty good post-op and that we all share the same issue with frustration of the scale, head hunger, etc. I think those things will continue to battle us throughout this journey and we need to learn how to deal with them successfully. I was in a deep funk for about a week (this past week). Finally coming out of it I think. I was just having a hard time with the scale not moving, but more about not being able to enjoy social events. I went to a friends house for a girls night out and sat there with all the other women eating and drinking and there was me with nothing but a glass of water. It was embarrassing. I've since been invited out again another 2 times, but decline as I can't eat or drink (alcohol) and don't want to stand out. I don't want to have to decline! But I know in time I won't have to. I just have to keep telling myself that. The scale has started to move again so that is encouraging. I really need to start doing regular exercise! I can't believe Monday will be 4 weeks since surgery! Have a good weekend everyone.

I would limit myself a bit, at least... like only one alcoholic beverage (wasted calories and carbs!!!) and then switch to Water... and no chips with salsa ... just the meal... you want to celebrate, but don't think this is your last hurrah, you just have to be careful and consider what you are putting in to your mouth... if you had a pre-op diet and your liver is not small enough, the Dr will not operate, or will give you a full gastric instead of just a sleeve... so you want to be careful. Mexican food has a lot of salt, so that can also bloat you...and we all know alcohol goes right to the liver...you may want to check with your doctor, they may have menu selections for you... or steer you in the right direction... remember we can have fun without stuffing our faces That being said...enjoy

I am there sister well but backward I had surgery 2002 and was a normal drinker and after surgery my drinking became unmanageable. But going to the 12 steps is not really that we learned that our life was unmanageable with or without the addiction. And isn't the answer still the 12 steps I am powerless over food instead of alcohol . I came to believe in a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I am willing to turn my will and my life over the care of God as I understood him . I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself . I shared it with God another person ... You know the rest . So I'm not apply the steps to food why not make food your diction why not rework the steps with food and understand that your body will be different but your mind will not Always be an addict you will have to find another solution for me I lost the hundred and 50 pounds in all the time that I've been postsurgical and now I'm in the place where games 50 of the back and miserable but I didn't do that for at least 10 years and so now I'm playing sets to the principles of my life with all of my addictions . The only differences with her other addictions we have to remain abstinent with food we have to use it in moderation we have to eat to live not live to eat and with your new stomach the desire to live to eat will diminish on it's own I found for myself but slowly just as the up session for alcohol is removed if session to eat was removed.. But for the grace of God go I . You can't but he can so let him . Ask God to come into your head every morning before you do thank you every night .

No judgement here. You have the instructions from your surgeon but, if you go out and have drinks (I'm guessing alcohol) and Mexican food will that throw you off track mentally?

Amy surgery in 4 days???? its perfectly normal to be dealing with different emotions post op........ you just had major surgery - take it slow!!!!! if you have gas, walk and walk some more in the hospitaal sip Water sllllowly at home, rest as much as you can if you have kids, tell them to go run around the block for one week going to stand up in a wedding a few days post op some people feel fine in a few days, even go back to work hopefully you will be feeling ok drink only liquids no champagne though docs usually tell you to wait "at least" a few weeks - or maybe up to 6 months before alcohol is allowed the one thing we have in common is that we're/docs-NUTS are all different always listen to YOUR doc/NUT good luck speedy recovery kathy