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5'6" and 254 starting. 4½ months out, now 196. I'd be happy if I only lost 84lbs or so. I have 100lbs as my goal but I'd be happy even if it was less than that. I did tell friends and family, pretty open about it as people are curious. It's amazing the range of responses. Some people (who have been battling weight themselves for almost their whole adult life) were very UNsupportive. Can't believe I'd do something so "unnatural". And when I told them I was going to Mexico? Wow, they flipped their lids! I did not tell the coworkers because of the societal stigma of losing weight "the easy way" even though all of us on here know the truth about that and having 75% of your stomach removed isn't "easy". Like Nadoue, I told them high protein, low carb, cut out Diet Pepsi, some exercise and none of it is a lie. Would I do it again? Yup. Been a while since I've lost 57.5 lbs any other way - and the difference? This time I'm keeping it off!!! Good luck with your surgery!

I was completely inspired by your post in the scar sticky and bought the Kelo-Cote on eBay (way cheaper than Skinstore!). I've been doing the Arnica, but didn't start it until the day before the surgery. How many times a day were you applying it? I'm doing it twice right now, because it tends to rub off under my shirt. I can't do the underwire bra thing; in fact, I've not even attempted it. So, for now, I'm doing wildly unsupportive jogbras. Better than nothing and they will at least keep me from being arrested whenever I leave the house. :biggrin: -m

This is crazy, I've had similar things happen to me. People are crazy and too opinionated. I had to "educate" a ton of people on the subject, it was annoying but it was the only way for people to understand me & what I was doing. The doctor who did my pshyc eval said to get those negative, unsupportive people out of your life. I'm glad your strong enough to over look them.

Ah, I totally get where you are coming from. It reminds me of this habit my mom has. If you call her on bad behavior, she'll deny it, and argue with you. But then she goes home and thinks about it. If she discovers you are right, she will change the behavior, but it is never brought up again. If you do bring something like this up, you have somehow remembered it wrong and it was never like that. My mom was always supportive of me being banded, but as an example, if she hadn't been, but then became supportive, she would deny ever having been unsupportive, you know? It sounds kind of like the same thing. If I was in your situation, and called my mom on your mom's behavior, she'd say things like "I just didn't know how it worked" or "I thought it was like the bypass" or even "I didn't say that". I wonder if anyone every truly understand their parents, lol

I handled the haters by not telling anyone about my surgery. It was a personal decision for my own health and I didn't want to hear their negative unsupportive comments and be under their constant observation about what I'm eating and how much weight I've lost.

I too encountered unsupportive people but my husband did finally come around after I scheduled my surgery. I realized after encountering unsupportive family that I was better off not telling them beforehand because I did not want to hear their negative opinions when they had not researched the band and had no clue what they were talking about. After it was all said and done I did tell all my relatives and got nothing but support from them. I feel it is best for your spouse to attend the consult appointment with you. After talking with my surgeon, my husband felt much better about my decision and gave me all his support. I hope everything turns out great for you. Donna

I have recently cut my sister adrift, more because I hated the way she treated our Dad in his final years, he died recently, although she has been pretty crappy and unsupportive of me throughout too. She never heped out dealing with our aging and ill Dad, and in fact then tried to blame me after he died!! I love some of my friends far more than I do my sister and I know I am better off without her in my life. I want to spend what time I have left on this planet caring for and being cared for and enjoying the company of the people who I really like and love. Now I am older I think I can treat myself a bit! Jane x

I have not had the surgery yet but boy am I excited and nervous all at the same time!! I'm hoping to have my surgery in early July ( fingers crossed)! Maybe this can give your mind a little ease- I've been researching WLS for a year now and I finally took the big leap and called my insurance company and attended my first seminar and what an eye opener. My surgeon told us from the time we left that day to the day I have my first consultation to make a list of pros and cons and to write a short paper describing my quality of life that I currently have now. I honestly have to say that I do have some things list on the cons side but there are so many pros I have!! As for my quality of life- i have an amazing and supportive husband and 3 beautiful kids that I love but im not active with them im a side line mom and i hate that. For once I can pictures myself as a healthy, active and maybe even a sexy person! As for people not being supportive I understand! It sucks but ultimately you have to do what makes you happy and a better wife and mom. There will always be unsupportive people but for everyone that's not supportive there are a handful that will be!! Good luck and hopefully you will find peace about whatever choice you make.

The 3 to 6 month waiting period is usually referred to as a "supervised diet". It's a time when the doctor can evaluate how well you do prior to being banded and ensure that you are a good candidate. I agree that if the doctor expects or requires the patient to lose weight during the supervised diet period then he should make this clear and not string somebody that can't or won't lose weight along. The decision to have lapband surgery is a big decision. You should be ready to alter your lifestyle prior to making the decision. As we've all read thousands of times, "the lapband is a tool" and you have to be willing to make some sacrifices if you expect it to work. Nobody said that these sacrifices don't start until after surgery or your first fill. The surgeons would be doing nobody a favor if they proceeded with the surgery on a patient they don't think will succeed. I may be being a little judgmental but I don't want to come across unsupportive. We can all empathize with somebody that has gained weight even during a diet but that doesn't mean we have to attack the doctor who is probably looking out for the patient's best interest.

I agree with poster above. While he will support you because it is what you want to do, surgery could be scary to him. It is drastic to have surgery to lose weight (not saying I don't believe in it). If he doesn't understand the procedure, he might be worried but not want to share it with you for fear of looking unsupportive. Remember in the late 90s there was a lot of news on the death rate of gastric bypasses (2.5%, and as high as 5%)....well, when I told my hubby that I was choosing this option, he responded the same way. He just thought all bariatric surgery was the same. Even with approval, he responded the same way. I couldn't get him to perk up. A friend of his had a sister who went though bariatric surgery and struggled to regain health. He choose not to educate himself and just had this horrible picture in his head that I was going to croak on the table. He even asked me for my life insurance information twice! I told him to stuff it, that the procedure was easier than a gall bladder removal and that knew because I work in the OR! He put on a strong face the day of surgery even though I could tell he was frightened. He perked up after surgery (when he saw that I didn't die) and has been supportive since. best of luck! I love my choice!

Im scheduled july 30th!!To the ladies who have the unsupportive friends--these people are just ignorant and do not understand this process and what all it takes and the hard work involved. It takes really learning and educating yourself in order to understand how it all works. surround yourself with positive and supportive people because these are the people that will make a difference in your success!! Im really excited about having the surgery but scared as well. I dont trust myself with food so I have doubts too..but you have to find it in yourself to make it happen....and make it work.

My mum was hugely unsupportive when I first broached the topic of surgery with her (and the fact that I was considering it), which actually really surprised me. I tried talking to her about it twice and each time she got very negative, so I just made the decision to move on without including her (my parents are divorced and I wasn't living with her, so it was doable). A couple of months ago I was making concrete plans about everything and out of the blue during a skype chat she mentioned that the husband of a work colleague had had it done and it was working well for him, and she was then totally fine talking about it. I don't know if it was that example that really changed her mind, or if she just realized she had the option of getting on the train or getting off the tracks, but I'm now able to talk to her about the prep and she doesn't react badly. I'm glad because I didn't like being at odds with her (or just having to refrain from talking about this huge part of my life) but only you can make the choice of what you class as the most important thing to you. In the end you're doing the surgery for yourself, not for those people, and you have the right to cut them out of this particular part of your life, even when they are close family.

Sorry to hear about her reaction. Sometimes people show they love you in hurtful ways. Odds, are though, she loves you a lot and when you are on your way to a healthier path after surgery, she will see that and turn around. My husband was similarly unsupportive but now, 6 months out he sees how happy I am with the help I get from the sleeve. It's helped me to make real changes in my health. Unfortunately, she is not going to a great support person until and unless she does some research and you know what they say about horses and water. Just know you have great spurt on this forum! Good luck in your journey.

I think you need to sit her down and ask her why she can't be supportive. I have found that when the people closest to us get scared for us, they can become unsupportive. I'm guessing she is worried and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. You can always share with her the really low mortality rate with the band and the fact that you already are having medical issues which can kill you if you don't get this disease under control. Is she a big girl? maybe she doesn't want to lose her eating partner....

I've found that people will fall into one of two groups: Those that get it and are supportive, and those that will never get it and are unsupportive. I was shocked at who of my friends ended up in which group. I mostly guessed wrong! And I consider unsupportive to include those that say ugly things without thinking. This is a hard enough process on its own, let alone adding ANY negativity onto it from others. I haven't had anyone so unsupportive that I've had to cut them out of my life, but there are those that say stupid unthinking things where I don't share my life with them very much. My favorite is those who tell me to not lose any more weight because my face is starting to look bad. Hellooo! I'm turning 50 this year. My face would look bad anyway! LOL (Yes, I can laugh about it.)

I am sorry to hear that you are having some trouble with support from your family and friends. That being said, having someone (even a paid for caregiver) will absolutely work for you. After the first day, I was home alone by myself. You might prepare yourself for larger changes with your hubby though. I am not sure I would have tolerated an unsupportive person in my household. You work way to hard to have someone undermine your progress. I wish you the best of luck with your surgery and am hoping you find someone that can help you through the first couple of days.

^^^This. Great post. Also you might mention that the surgery helps you lose and maintain weight loss easier (but it is NOT easy). And tell him that the sex will get better again with the surgery. That should shut him up...for a minute. (j/k guys! Only directing that rude sexist comment to dudes who are non-supportive of their wives. And I will come up with one for chix who are unsupportive of their hubs efforts in this as well if you want!)

I have about had it with my in-laws. I am so unsure of what to do with them right now. I am hoping someone here can help me put this all together & figure out where I should go from here. Here's the short version of the story: I had my surgery in Mexico. I chose to tell everyone about getting Lapband surgery upfront, but my husband & I decided not to tell everyone about Mexico until AFTER the surgery. We told everyone that we were traveling to San Diego for the surgery. (Which really is the truth, we just crossed the border!!) 6-weeks AFTER the surgery, we felt it was time to tell everyone about Mexico. (I just believe in being honest & didn't want any secrets!) My family & friends had no problems! My in-laws flipped out!! They told us they were coming over for a meeting & then for 2 hrs. went on & on about my deceitfulness & how my bad example was rubbing off on my kids. (Please note that at NO TIME have I ever in the past or present lied to my in-laws. This one incident is what the only basis of their judgment.) I was very hurt by this & could not sleep that night. Since I couldn't sleep, I got up & wrote them a letter through e-mail & sent it. I simply shared my feelings. My in-laws did not speak to me for 6-months over this letter!! Last week they called my husband & said they wanted to meet. So, we hooked up at a restaurant & were there for 3 hrs. while they finished off what they started 6 months ago. I thought they were wanting to meet to apologize to me. :straight I left feeling worse!!! They feel that I LIED to them & led them to believe something that wasn't the truth. They felt that I didn't trust them by telling them up front. They said they were very concerned for my safety & the safety of my children - that I was thoughtless & selfish to do something like this. My husband really layed in on them that night!! He did most of the talking & I was proud of him. I've never seen him so rude to his parents before!!!!!! He's usually a kind-hearted easy going man. However, he regrets getting mad & now their relationship is worse. I have lost 50 lbs. since they've seen me. My MIL kept staring at me when I got up to get a drink or go to the restroom. She was eyeing me in a weird way. It's almost as if she's jealous!! (She is VERY overweight herself!) I have felt miserable for the past few days & don't know what to do. I am actually coming to the conclusion that perhaps I was wrong? (ME?! WRONG?!?!) UP to this point, I truly felt that what I did was okay. Is there some law that says I'm required to tell my in-laws that I am having surgery in Mexico? It's MY LIFE for goodness sake. I didn't tell them about Mexico upfront because I knew they would FREAK OUT!! They're just that way. It would have ruined our whole trip. I would appreciate ALL OPINIONS!! If you really think that what I did was deceitful, please share your feelings. I am hoping to get some insight that maybe I just don't see. I just want this craziness to be over!! My kids miss seeing Grandma & Grandpa!!!!!!!

I also don't mind who knows my business.. I've told total strangers! I want and need wls so badly that if people want to judge me for "not doing it on my own" they can go eat shit! I've tried for many many years diets pills not eating and exercising and instead of the weight coming off i've seemed to pile it on. So i've told anyone and everyone. I'm not ashamed of this there is no reason. Sure people talk but does it really matter what they say? Hell no! Although I've not had really anyone be unsupportive but I have had a couple people who were retarded and jerk offs about it but just let it in one ear and out the other. Good luck and hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

I only have my oldest sister here and the rest of the family is out of state. I told her when i was just thinking about it and she was not supportive at all. She thought I was crazy, especially for considering to MX and she flat out told me that she wouldn't go with me and that I was on my own. We had our annual Christmas get together with some of her work friends and one of them just happened to bring up her coworker who had WLS and looked terrible because her face was all wrinkled now. I have no doubt my sister was gossiping about me and I'm sure she had already told my nieces and other sisters so I just stopped talking about it. When I had the surgery, I just told her I was home with the flu and not feeling good for a few days. Then I told her about my recent blood work and the liver enzymes being high and that I decided against surgery but I'm going to do a 21 day liquid fast (which I've done a few times in the past) and totally change my eating habits because I'm scared about the sudden liver issues (which is totally true). And she knows I'm beginning an exercize plan and she also knows that I'm an 'all or nothing' kind of person. She witnessed me lose a lot of weight before so she might not suspect. She might catch on when I start to lose a lot but I don't think I will lie about it if she confronts me. I'll just tell her that she was totally unsupportive and I didn't want to be the subject of her gossip so I did it without telling her and I went alone. I would rather not tell my family and coworkers at this point. I'm looking for a new job anyway so hopefully the timing will work out to my advantage!

COMMUNICATION boards and the Internet and very much like communication in real life. Some people get along, some don't, some people are attention seekers, some are lurkers. The point is NO ONE is going to get along ALL the time with ALL the people. It doesn't happen in real life and it doesn't happen in cyberlife either. Often, people who feel the need to post dramatic good-byes and publically group "the board" as uncaring and unsupportive have personal issues that they hope "the Board" will resolve. When the advice or opinions are at odds with the person WANTS to hear, the nasty posts begin. I think it's silly to beg a person to stay when SHE/HE is the one who publically announce her/his DESIRE to leave. It's a free country. If you find another place that is supportive of you, by all means GO! To beg or encourage a person to stay only serves to feed the behavior and that's exactly what the person wants... attention. Good luck and best wishes to you on the new board.

You know, after reading all of these posts, I think that "support," means different things to different people. For instance, I think my husband has been very supportive of my WLS. He was surprised when I first told him I was going to do it (I didn't tell him I had been researching it), but he told me that he was 100% behind me if I decided to go through with it. This said, he did not attend one appointment at the clinic with me (nor did I expect him to), nor did he take any time off from work to stay home to take care of me (nor did I expect him to). My husband is not the nurturing type when it comes to these things and I knew enough to ask my daughter (who is very nurturing), if she could come and take care of me upon my release from the hospital. She brought me my shakes/liquids, etc., knew what time I had to take my meds, etc. My husband knew nothing about what was due when, but when he asked me how I was feeling, it felt great to me. I don't wan to give the impression that my husband is a jerk, because he's certainly not -- in fact, I won the lottery in the husband department. It's just that he's not nurturing when it comes to sickness (his rule when the kids were growing up was if they weren't running at least 100 degree fever, they went to school). So, some of you reading this may think that I have the most unsupportive spouse in the world, while I think he's great. It's all a matter of opinion, which is what makes the world go 'round, really. Bunny

I use a treadmill and recumbent exercise bike due to a back injury. I had surgery on my lumbar spine and so I can't sit unsupported (like a regular exercise bike) and also mini tramps and walkers, ellipticals etc are totally out. Unfortunately I know this by experience :drool: I think I would be totally brain dead if I didn't have music dvd's on. It not only gives me beat to walk to but something to look at! Course a new murder (which I haven't seen before) is good for quieter sessions :tongue2:

Told my husband and two teen girls (we all live in the same house.) Told two good friends. Did not tell mother or sister. Sister still doesn't know. Mom died without ever knowing. I knew my mother would be unsupportive and nasty about it. My sister wouldn't understand (she's never had a weight problem.) Told them at work I was having a procedure and would be out a few days. Whenever anyone asks, I say I track everything I eat, am following a physician led high protein diet, exercise 5-7 days a week and eliminated almost all sugar and flour from my diet. All of that is true. Do not let the negative Nellies get in your head.

I have gotten rid of: *Clothes that were 3 sizes larger; *The feeling that trying to lose weight was futile; *Several hundred pounds of "friends" who were unsupportive; *The thought that running a 5K race was impossible (I'm running several this summer); *The fear that getting Type 2 Diabetes was inevitable for me.