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I also did not mean to sound unsupportive. We all have our food deamons. I'm was simply trying to explain to you what it's like being on the other side. You then have to decide if hunger and cravings might drive you to eat the wrong things, then purge to then be able to eat the correct things your body needs. Because this is not a cure all. As a matter of fact, I feel hunger far more now then I did when I could eat a large quantity of food. It's just that a couple of bites sedates that hunger. So I think that what I'm asking is: for whatever reason you eat/purge now, can you see yourself hungry and craving something and being able to accept 4 bites as the solution? If you can, then you may be right and this might be your answer. But if you think you would eat 4 bites of that food, become frustrated, purge, eat 4 more bites, then it's going to be the same vicious cycle if you have the same results of this surgery as I have. There are people here who say they have zero hunger and zero cravings. I'm not one of those people and I think I am in the majority. So I just want you to understand this is not a cure all but a tool.. Then, with the explanations of how others feel and how they have reacted, you can decide if you think it's fit for you. It was just my concern that it might not be single solution and that you might want to get counciling to go along with this step.

I am probably one of the "over sharers " but it has been part of my internal transformation to let down walls... This has nothing to do with the OP question. I think you do need to protect yourself from the unsupportive people that first year or two....

I guess what my original post should have said was "my family will be unsupportive and I'm disappointed that they won't be there for me." Because everything you ladies have said hits home for me. I guess I just needed someone else to tell me that it's ok to not want to include them in this.

I haven't heard yet who I see next. I was told 2 days and it's been 4--but who's counting. I I'm struggling more the longer I go without seeing someone there. I better email the dietician to keep in touch, it really helps. I really identify with your "can I really do it?" I've been trying to do weight watchers for a couple of years, but how many people at those meetings have lost 150 pounds--and kept it off. The answer is NO ONE! The few lifetime members I would meet were often over 200 pounds, meaning they had it off and did NOT keep it off. They have a saying on the wall "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got". Well, as far as Weight Watchers is concerned, all I get is temporary weight loss and then rebound, so it's time for something else. I, too, thought I could not eat the way the lapband requires, but I kept reading these postings and thinking about how badly I want to lose the weight, and decided I was willing to make big changes--to get big changes. Yes, even giving up bread. I'm in somewhat of a hurry. I have 2 insurance companies covering me. One is good, and one is the worst they've ever dealt with (my primary, of course) The biggest problem they have is if there is too much time between starting this process and actually having the surgery they try to deny the original claims saying they can't be related because they are too far apart. I thought if I hussle I might keep that from happening. And at my first nurse visit she said "8-12 weeks". That was about 3 weeks ago, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. There are so many things that can cause a delay. I really do expect the psychologist to want to see me again. One concern she had was lack of my husband's support. He's not unsupportive exactly, just sort of neutral. We haven't even talked much about it. I'm sure it all sounded very strange to her for a married couple to not communicate. But we get along better that way. So I'm thinking she might want to see us together. I finally asked him if he would be willing to do that, and he said yes. So while it might take more time, I'm sure I'll get there.

I cannot believe how negative and unsupporting people can be at times, I just read a very dissapointing message on the forum and it annoyed the hell out of me! I've taken the id name out cos I don't wanna cause trouble but here is the exact quote that a future bandster wrote to a bandster. [b]*******....A year has passed and all you lost is 32 pounds? that doesn't seem like asuccess rate to me....Sounds like .5 pounds a week.[/b] How awful? Turns out this person had got dates wrong and the bandster in question had only been banded last month. I imagine how he/shewould have felt if he/she was a slow loser and had taken a year to lose 32lbs, not very encouraging is it?

"Way out." Who cares what KIND of way out it is, it's a way out! I'm 23, and I can honestly say I probably have done 'every diet known to man' like so many of the other people on the boards, but if I know in my heart that the diets I DID try didn't work, and most diets are pretty close to the same anyway, why would any of the other ones work for me when they failed so many others? This surgery was an option for me to do SOMETHING when I was doing NOTHING. I'm going to be blunt and say that if your husband says he's going to leave you for this, and he's not bluffing, he was going to leave you for something anyway. I'm not trying to say that your marriage is over by anymeans, the only details of it know are what you've written here, but I'm sure you get the jest of what I'm saying. Someone can be not-supportive, kind of neutral, without being unsupportive... if that makes any kind of sense. I'm glad you made your appointment. Maybe when he really sees that you are REALLY serious, he'll listen to you a little more?

Oh my gosh, that story truly horrifies me. My DH would have been in the OR with me if he could have, (bless his silly little heart) So its unthinkable for me to hear of a husband that is so unsupportive. I give that woman tons of credit for going through with the surgery to possibly save her health and posssibly her life alone.

I thought about this a while. It reminds me a lot of my ten year struggle with infertility, the terrible times I had with side effects to fertility drugs, pregnancy losses, ectopic pregancies, an adoption from foster care and an adoption from an overseas orphanage. People are so incredibly stupid with what they think is well-meaning advice which turns out being well, Mean Advice. ( The advice about changing doctors is well-taken, there are some battles not worth fighting, and I still consider it a good option). I would seldom tell people my infertility woes who were considering treatment because I would never take away their hope at treatment and their only chance to have a child. There are risks to treatments and there are risks to adoption. I think it's important to tell people risks but let up on all the horror stories. THe same thing with lap band. I know there are risks but spare me the horror stories. It probably won't happen to me and it may be my only option at a healthier life. IF something goes wrong, I'll deal with. I'm a survivor and I certainly know how to evaluate the risks and make my own decisions. I don't want to be treated like a child or stupid person. I've heard so many stupid tips on getting pregnant and losing weight. Really dumb stuff. People who have it easy seldom understand us who don't. It wasn't easy raising my children, but my husband and I did it. Our son is attending college (the orphan baby people warned us not to adopt), and our daughter from foster care is raising her red-headed twins. Things turned out successfully. I am a competent person so why wouldn't the lap band turn out favorably? I'm successful, I just happen to be too fat. Being overweight can be solved, but maybe stupidity and ignorance can't. I called my surgeon's office and after talking to his staff, I decided I can face the family doctor's staff. I will educate the ill-informed dietician and social worker at the family doctor's clinic. I am tough and I can do this. Life is always stranger than fiction. Due to budget cuts, some of the doctor's staff has been cut. Guess who got laid off? The unsupportive staff. Ha! Ha! The roadblocks are out of my way and I believe I can work directly with the doctor. He's pretty reasonable. I'm going to a fitness center today and start a new program with a different dietician and personal trainer. I got a lucky break! Wish me luck!

No one knows about my band 'cept my bandster support buddies and my hubby...My nosey mother is starting to be a pain in the ass, so I have told her basically portion control and exercise...I told her I literally let myself have two bites of anything I want - which is true. She is toxic and would have been unsupportive if I told her I had the band - and if she found out Mexico, she'd lose her miind!!! My relationship with her and the boundaries we've gotten comfortable with are too important to lose or screw up over the surgery...

Don't lose faith in this. Keep it to yourself and a close friend, husband, or other confidant. I have not told anyone either just for the reasons you stated. I have never understood, when it comes to weight, how unsupportive people can be. Discuss everything with your Dr. and make your decisions from there

Oh, sweetie, no. This is a big change in more ways than one. It is ok for him to be a little frightened and uncertain of how things will be now that you have had this procedure. People are scared of change and things they don't know or understand on a very basic level. But what's not ok is for him to make you cry or to make you feel like you have done something wrong and regret your decision. This was YOUR decision. It is YOUR body you have to deal with everyday, YOUR mental health and the things that go along with it. I'm sure he is scared that he has lost his eating partner, and you're going to be all thin and hot, and maybe he's afraid of where that will leave him. It also sounds like he's scared for your health, complications that may arise, and the big step you took. It's true, if he had found out some information beforehand, maybe he wouldn't be so emotionally unsupportive. Because right now, what he's thinking about is himself. How your surgery is affecting HIM. And while we all have the tendency to do that, that's not what he needs to be doing right now. As the person who is supposed to honor and cherish you, he needs to be your partner and offer you some support, because this is hard on you, too. This is a lifestyle change of great proportions. Maybe he resents you a little for making that change, for making him change as a byproduct, but the bottom line is you need your husband. Your friend. I think maybe you should try and talk to him calmly about what is bothering him, or why he's acting the way he is. If you don't think that will work, I always find it useful to write a letter because I can get out all my thoughts and emotions better, and they can read it and take the time to absorb the content. The truth is, you are not going to be the same person you were before surgery. It really is a whole new life. Sometimes the people we love can't make that leap to a new life with us, and it sucks. A lot of people on this site have had marital problems, separation, and even divorce after their surgery. I am sure there were already underlying factors, but that is the reality. And still, many people have wonderful and supportive spouses that may have balked a little in the beginning, but came around in the end. I'm sure your husband will come around, this is just a little new and scary for both of you. I hope things get better, let me know....but for now, hugs & kisses,

COMMUNICATION boards and the Internet and very much like communication in real life. Some people get along, some don't, some people are attention seekers, some are lurkers. The point is NO ONE is going to get along ALL the time with ALL the people. It doesn't happen in real life and it doesn't happen in cyberlife either. Often, people who feel the need to post dramatic good-byes and publically group "the board" as uncaring and unsupportive have personal issues that they hope "the Board" will resolve. When the advice or opinions are at odds with the person WANTS to hear, the nasty posts begin. I think it's silly to beg a person to stay when SHE/HE is the one who publically announce her/his DESIRE to leave. It's a free country. If you find another place that is supportive of you, by all means GO! To beg or encourage a person to stay only serves to feed the behavior and that's exactly what the person wants... attention. Good luck and best wishes to you on the new board.

Hi, I had the Realize Band surgery in late May 2008. I have lost 66 lbs to date and I am feeling terrific about my progress. However, my current beau sees fit to comment on my weight all the time. It almost seems he is purposely trying to take the wind out of my sails. Despite several attempts at explaining that his comments seem unsupportive and are hurtful, he continues. Has anyone else encounter this difficulty? Any advice you can give?

Hi Lulu, Thanks for sharing your struggles... I was fat, then thin (HOT & SINGLE), and then after keeping it off for 6 years, got fat again... My real friends have loved me fat or thin and are supporting me on the road to being thin again... I do know the type of people you are describing & generally find them to be too self involved to ever be a good friend to anyone..... My advice (feel free not to take it, as each of us has our own happiness & truth); but, my unsolicited advice is to try to make some meaningful friends ones that you could be yourself with and call in your darkest moment. It isn't easy and usually takes time & a lot of effort, but if you become the type of friend you want in a friend you will be succesful over time. Good luck, my advice is to stay away from critical unsupporting environments during the holidays which can be challenging on their own... Tiffany

Ditto on the tests. They are a major pain, but I know my surgeon and I know more about my health and mental state than my PCP ever did! I had a very unsupportive PCP...in fact he told me 2 yrs ago that he would NEVER OK surgery! (Like being 100+ lbs. overweight is soooooo good for me!) He kept saying that I should go to Weight Watchers (as if I never heard or tried them!) At that point I mentally said "adios" and took it upon myself to start the ball rolling. I had to jump through hoops w/BCBS but it was worth it. Surgery is scheduled for May 16. Getting the testing done meant taking a lot of half days off for dr. appointments. I didn't tell anyone at work (and don't plan to). All my boss knows is I'm having surgery. I'm sure he thinks I have some dread disease like cancer, but too bad, I'm not telling him anything. (And I do have a dread disease-fat-which will kill me if it continues.) As far as any questions afterward, I still won't tell anyone because the company I work for is gossip heaven, and I refuse to have my life picked apart by everyone else. Sorry for the rant, but just keep telling the company that you have doctors appointments and let it go at that. By law they can't get info on your medical condition, so if you have the time off available, go to your appts. and don't worry about it.

I handled the haters by not telling anyone about my surgery. It was a personal decision for my own health and I didn't want to hear their negative unsupportive comments and be under their constant observation about what I'm eating and how much weight I've lost.

I hate the way a lot of people are so supportive of drug addicts and alchoholics yet can't find any support for obese people. Although, if you have never had to deal with a weight problem, why would they ever understand?? food addiction is very real and a constant battle, thing is, I can watch some of my skinny friends eat and eat and eat way more then me and sit around like slugs yet not gain a pound. Obesity is not about being lazy or eating too much, sometimes it is genetics, I don't care what anyone says. I mean why is it a lot of people can drink alchohol normally and in moderation while others turn into alchoholics? There is something a lot deeper here than just over eating or over drinking. My mom's whole side of the family were/are obese, all of us have battled diet after diet after diet, for some it just doesn't work, that is where WLS comes in. I feel no shame in getting it if it is going to give me what I want! In fact, you can poo poo me all you want, I will be the one laughing all the way when I am wearing a bikini next year on the beach living life to it's fullest for the first time in years. People are mean, some do it just because they are hard hearted, some do it because they are jealous. Oh well, that's their problem not yours. In fact, let's be honest, by us getting weight loss surgery, it def opens up the gates for other overweight people who may be contimplating WLS. I know for me, I only knew one person who had it done, and I really didn't talk to her at the time. When I started a new job at a hospital, I was suprised by how many nurses and techs and secretaries had it done. Then you start to think, hey that could be me, and hence my journey into WLS/. I would never force WLS on anyone, but I will freely talk about and advocate for it from now on. I have my surgery tomorrow, so I am a little premature lol, but if I can help just one person who is too scared or too shy to check into it then it will all be worth it. I don't care what anyone else thinks, asking for help or looking to interventions to give you what you want in life should not be something that is looked down at. I guess all those skinny people who get a kick out of picking on the obese will have to go turn their attentions somewhere else, I feel they do it to build up their pathetic lives and you know the old saying that misery loves company. I really wish my BFF would get it. She was always overweight, always. When I told her I was getting it done she wasn't really supportive, but she knows I wouldn't care anyway. She said she could do it on her own, she just has to get back to the gym. I of course keep my mouth shut, no offense to her, but she has never been able to lose more than 30 pounds and she probably has a good 80 or 90 to lose and she is one of those people that is not happy with herself and constantly wants to be skinny. I am hoping to be an inspiration to her too. Good luck to all of us and let's not try to let our haters and unsupporters get us down!

I told my mother and my younger sister. And two of my friends I regret telling my family as they were very unsupportive and are now jealous of my weight loss. My two friends don't even mention it, which is good for me.

I'm one of those keeping it to myself.....it's none of their business--I saw how unsupportive and down right unkind some folks were to my sister....some are still making remarks........I just didn't want to deal with it. BUT I would not tell people you're having your gallbladder out...........there are some patients who need gallbladder surgery after weight loss surgery, then what do you say? I took vacation time for surgery, so I didn't have to explain myself to my employer (it's a small office).

When she advised me I just needed better cookbooks, instead of weight loss surgery (seriously, I was TWICE a normal weight/size) I decided my primary care doc no longer met my needs. This was not the first time she was incredibly unhelpful and unsupportive but it was the last.... changed and never looked back.

My husband never EVER would have hurt me with the words your husband uses, maybe you need to drop 180 pounds of unsupportive man. My husband loved me thin, FAT, OBESE and will love me thin again, because it is me he loves not my weight, I hope he comes around but I also hope you make the right choice for you and what will make YOU happy, lots of love and I I pray for you to make the right decision for yourself, support is a big deal because this surgery is a very big deal. Good luck.

Nice letter. How did they receive this news? Were they supportive or have you told the unsupportive ones to kick rocks? I have only told a few and this is a method I may want to use for my circle.

Also, because of the (yet again) unsupportive and negative feedback I've gotten on this Bari board, I will be removing the app from my phone. If any TRUE single and supportive people come across this post and want to chat, kik me at: samanthajo200070 Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Hello all! I am brand new to the boards and wanted to ask a few questions... 1. Has anyone had surgery w/Dr. Atkinson? If so tell me about him/it! 2. My insurance is being wonky and now telling me I have to have a second psych consult even though they passed me on the first one, has anyone dealt with something like this? 3. I have a desk job, how many days of recovery from the actual surgery will I need? (we were trying to get everything done so I could have the surgery on my vacation but b/c the insurance is being wonky that won't happen...) 4. Has anyone ever had a family member be super unsupportive? to the point where she won't even speak to me because I'm taking the "easy way out".... Thanks in advance! I hope to get a lot of answers/experience from this community and look forward to sharing my successes and struggles! "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." ~Winston S. Churchill

A lot of people won't ask as they are afraid that you are ill and they want to respect your privacy. If they ask I tell so they won't think I'm sick if they are friends of mine, the others I tell them I'm watching what I'm eating. My sister who had this surgery 9 years ago and has gained back some of her weight is very unsupportive. She also admitted she ate what she wanted and told me that you are supposed to eat a special way, but she wanted to eat what she wanted. I am hoping that I can be an example for my good friend who has experienced weight gain due to knees and knee surgery. She has problems with walking. I've been down this road before with the lap band and found most folks to be supportive if they are your friends. My husband and son are and that is all I really care about.