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SOOO a while back I posted about my PCP being unsupportive. I have since found a new doctor and when making my appointment I asked the nurse about the PCP being supportive of WLS. She says that the office has patients that have had it. I met the new doc and LOVED her - however she wants me try a month on Adipex. My sister-in-law did Adipex and lost like 50 pounds - and now she gained it all back and then some. I know that I will too when I stop taking it. My VSG is scheduled for June 20th and I don't need a letter from my PCP - she just has to sign off on my surgery. SO I guess I'm just venting and asking your opinions. This forum has been great for info, reassurance and support.

Hey, that's great! It's always better when family is on board. Nobody needs the stress of unsupportive family/friends.

I completely agree with the comments of feedyoureve, but if for some reason conversation is unsuccessful and the hurtful words continue, remember you are doing this for your health. The family dynamics will change, and if it is not for the better, just continue to hold your head up high and not allow yourself to be browbeaten. My thin sister is also very unsupportive about my surgery and has said so, but I will not allow this to affect my decision. I plan to continue acting the same toward her and if she doesn't come around, then so be it.

I am new to this site - but thought I'd try a forum since I can't seem to find anything when I search for info. I am considering VSG. I have my seminar Thursday and an appointment to meet my surgeon later this month. My husband is very supportive of me having WLS. However, my sister, who is 3 years younger and has always been tall and thin is VERY AGAINST me having WLS. I have grown up being "the fat sister" and I don't want to feel that way anymore. HELP!!! Have any of you had experiences with unsupportive family members??? What did you do? How did you deal with this "judgement". I feel judges when I talk to her about this.

Hi Everyone! Eveeryone is from teh KC area right? Anyone else using Dr. Malley or New Hope Bariatrics? I was banded 12/29/2010. I have lost only a total of about 25 pounds I get my first fill today-I know, Valentine's Day, right? Something like poetic justice about that. Right now I don't feel like I have ANY restriction. I can eat almost normally. Almost. I struggle with stress eating. I am married with a stepdaughter (20) living with us and a daughter (17) who is a senior and we are trying to get her college stuff done. My husbnad DOES NOT COOK ANYTHING. We are at odds right now because I feel unsupported by him not stepping in at mealtime more-he doesn't have a weight problem. Not only a stress eater, a food addict. I will be the first to wave my hand in the air and say "My name is Bandcamp and I am addicted to food. I have a lot of people watching me. My Mom, who in love, paid for my surgery. My husband, who wants a healthy wife who is going to be around a few more years. Work, my boss had this done too, and is supportive and has done well. I am struggling with exercising. Why am I not more motivated? We got Wii so I would have it right there at the house. I try and walk at work, but some days end up with my butt in the seat at the computer too long. I have an online support group for stepmoms who have changed my life. I guess I am looking for something consistent here too. It seems like several of you come back quite often. This is really long-sorry! But count me in. I am a daily poster. As far as carbs-I am also seeing Dr. Mary Vernon-she wrote Atkins Diabetes Revolution. She has two offices-one in Shawnee and one in Lawrence. She is a low carb passionate preacher-she said good snacks are cheese, chunks of meat (small and chew well!), olives, almonds or macadamia nuts-just portion everything, Don't eat mindlessly. For breakfast or lunch she said eat an egg white omelette with cheese, spinach, feta cheese-chopped olives, chopped chives and tomoates-. All low carb. The egg whites are a great protein she said will keep me full and going going all day till next meal. So far I am still doing protein shakes. She referred my to www.leanerliving.com. They have recipes for pumpkin protein shakes :yum:

I only have my oldest sister here and the rest of the family is out of state. I told her when i was just thinking about it and she was not supportive at all. She thought I was crazy, especially for considering to MX and she flat out told me that she wouldn't go with me and that I was on my own. We had our annual Christmas get together with some of her work friends and one of them just happened to bring up her coworker who had WLS and looked terrible because her face was all wrinkled now. I have no doubt my sister was gossiping about me and I'm sure she had already told my nieces and other sisters so I just stopped talking about it. When I had the surgery, I just told her I was home with the flu and not feeling good for a few days. Then I told her about my recent blood work and the liver enzymes being high and that I decided against surgery but I'm going to do a 21 day liquid fast (which I've done a few times in the past) and totally change my eating habits because I'm scared about the sudden liver issues (which is totally true). And she knows I'm beginning an exercize plan and she also knows that I'm an 'all or nothing' kind of person. She witnessed me lose a lot of weight before so she might not suspect. She might catch on when I start to lose a lot but I don't think I will lie about it if she confronts me. I'll just tell her that she was totally unsupportive and I didn't want to be the subject of her gossip so I did it without telling her and I went alone. I would rather not tell my family and coworkers at this point. I'm looking for a new job anyway so hopefully the timing will work out to my advantage!

Oh goodness Ladies! I need a bunch like you in my life. I have beenfeeling so alone and so unsupported by my husband and family because they haven't much cared to learnhow to support me. Obviously if I am invited to my parents for dinner and they have forgotten I can't eat friend chicken, I have a problem. And my husband brings into the house half gallons of ice cream. Boy...everyday life can be harder when you are banded! Thank you for being the positive thread I needed to happen across. It was so nice to read about people just like me and know that we are here to support each other. Take care and God Bless! Kelley

I totally agree. Just because some of us may not choose to tell everyone what we did doesn't mean we are being liars or being ashamed of what we did. I am pretty private anyways and dont like people knowing my all my personal business. If someone asked if I got surgery, I would probably tell them, especially if it is someone else that is overweight. I actually had a friend that got RNY and was preaching to me that i just need to diet and exercise because thats how she lost all her weight and that sort of bugged me that she did that but she usually always has a holier than thou demeanor anyways. I wont pretend I found the magical cure all fatness diet but I am not going to make a point to bring it up either. When it comes down to the heart of it its my own personal decision. Just like the fact that I dont normally tell anyone that I am bisexual and in a polyamorous relationship. Some people may be supportive, a lot definitely wont but either way what I do with my life (as long as I am not hurting anyone!!!) is my own damn decision. I had a few family members and friends that I told that were VERY unsupportive so I decided not to tell them that I am going through with it until asked later and have made it a point not to talk to co-workers etc about it either.

Tiffy - thanks for your response. I talked to my PCM today and he straight up said not to TTC just yet. I am still having issues getting my food in, and he said I really ought to wait until at least next July. So for now, we're going to shelve the TTC. Not that there's much to "shelve" since our embryos are in a freezer in Ukraine! My labs are okay but not as great as they could be. I have a real problem eating enough calories - like I said I'm still dependent on one Protein shake a day to get calories and protein up. That said, I easily keep my calories around 1,000 a day while I'm on shakes and while my carbs aren't up to 100 yet I shuffle between 50-70 net carbs a day. I still lose at the same pokey rate as I did when I was eating only 20-30 a day and I feel better. I just wanted to reassure you. Trying to get pregnant and going through that disappointment every month sucks. There is nothing like that horrible feeling every time you get a little excited that it could be this month...and then your period starts. I used to get so hopeful that I'd actually cause my period to be late with the stress. I was a monster by the end of the third year we were TTC. My docs kept telling me it was my weight, though. "Just lose a little more weight and it'll happen." Nobody tested DH at all because he has other children from his first marriage. When we finally got a RE that tested him it turns out he has severe male factor infertility. I mean, we did ICSI and he had TEN normal, healthy swimmers in the sample. There was no way we were getting pregnant on our own. We had a better chance of winning the lotto! But I understand - we tried for SO stinking long - every month was this horrible disappointment replete with tears, yes, tantrums and then depression. I finally had to stop charting and try to adopt that "it'll happen when it happens" stance, too. But patience is NOT my strong suit, either. I saw no reason why I couldn't just get pregnant. I had friends bawling to me about not wanting to be pregnant with their third kid in four years...and I was the most unsupportive friend ever. I just wanted to tell them all to shut up! It all seemed so horribly unfair. I know a lot of women that went through secondary infertility. Hopefully the Clomid will do the trick and you won't have anything to worry about. You're still young so your eggs should be in great shape. You're right that you've been through a lot - it might just be your body saying "take it easy, we've been through a lot lately." Have you had a HSG yet to make sure you have no blockages? Tricare covers them, so see if you can get one done if you haven't yet. Bring it up to your fertility doc for sure. If you have a problem like a blockage, Clomid won't do the trick and you'll just waste time and energy. In any case, a close friend of mine had some luck with Clomid and had her daughter three years ago. Having her daughter resolved the issues and they had no trouble conceiving a second child a year and a half later. Hopefully you'll have a similar outcome and will only endure this one round of Clomid. We did two rounds of Clomid before they figured out my DH was the problem. It caused me a few side effects but wasn't bad at all. We moved right from Clomid to IVF with ICSI once we had his diagnosis. Take care and thanks for the information. I am not a patient woman and I might have charged ahead without consulting my PCM first. I think I'll need to get my eating in order and maybe even lose another 30 pounds before I go the TTC route again. I still want to see someone have a kid and then get back to goal and post here, though! ~Cheri

I totally apologize to whoever posted this in the active posts yesterday. I copied it and saved for myself for reference after my surgery. When I saw Lorraine's post today I thought it might be helpful for her too. From the LapSF newsletter. ******** Many people can't imagine becoming depressed AFTER losing weight. However, depression can occur after weight loss surgery or when undergoing any time of major lifestyle change. Possible causes of depression after WLS may include: - Mourning the loss of food for comfort. If food has always been your "friend" or something you depended on when feeling sad, stressed or lonely, saying "goodbye" can be difficult. - Mourning the loss of pre-operative lifestyle. For example, feeling left out while socializing, participating in holiday rituals, or when dining in restaurants. - Reactions from others. Relationships with loved ones can change or become strained. Reactions to weight loss may be negative or jealous, or otherwise unsupportive friends/family may resort to "sabotage." Positive reactions or increased attention from others can lead to feelings of discomfort, vulnerability, or resentment. - Having unrealistic expectations. For example, thinking that everything will get better after surgery or that your emotional eating or other disordered eating habits will simply disappear. - Hormonal changes. For some women, estrogen is released while fat is burned to make energy. This release of estrogen may cause mood swings. - Body image discrepancies. After rapid weight loss, you do not recognize yourself or lose a sense of self. You may experience a loss of identity between the inner and outer you. The postoperative blues typically occur during the first few weeks or months after surgery and subside over time. However, if you find that your symptoms are worsening or are beginning to interfere with your relationships, work, or daily functioning, it is time to seek help from a medical professional. Hope you find this helpful Lorraine! My surgery is 1/29/11, so I am preparing to be where you are soon! Take care, Sue

One of my best friends had DS and that was the absolute correct surgery for her. She likes to eat a lot of food and doesn't want to restrict her diet. I and another of her friends had the VSG and I am sure that it will be the best choice for us. We have less to loose than she. If she were to regain her weight in no way would I be unsupportive or say she should have done X. I would hope she would be the same way toward me. Maybe this surgery won't work for me maybe I will regain, there is no way to tell. I am a food addict and I'm of the opinion that I will take smaller steps to help with my addiction than to dive in head first and deal with DS complications. One of the clients I clean for, her daughter had a ds and lost down to 91lbs. She was a head secretary for Disney Studios and now she can't balance her check book. There are pluses and minuses to every surgery. I'm happy with my vsg even if I am a slow looser. Even in I never get to single digit pants numbers, even if I don't get to goal. I'm happy!

Hi, How has someone dealt with no support at home before, during and after their lap band?? I'm in a very unsupportive spot!! 2nd guessing my decision. Please shed some insight!! -Kim

I'm 3 weeks out and I absolutely love my sleeve. I continue to be excited of what is to come. I feel good, people around me are noticing my weightloss and I notice in my clothes. If your medication is the size of a plain M&M you will be able to continue to take your medication whole. Regarding the comment from your husband, no he is not the only man to make the comment because it is a real concern. It may be true that you would never leave your husband due to your weightloss, however there are cases of woman who have. It is natural to be afraid of the unknown. This is a big life change for him too, I don't think he's being unsupportive he's being honest. Good Luck

Since the holidays I have become increasingly noncompliant with the diet, I started sneaking in old bad food behaviors and because I didnt have any negative results I ate more. I have been eating more, more frequesntly and the wrong foods. I have gained 2 pounds, I am depressed, discouraged and have lost my focus. I wish I knew someone else who has had the band, I feel very isolated and unsupported. Has anyone else lost thier way? How do you get back on track? Everyday I say this is it, "Today I am eating right" etc and I "sneak" and eat wrong. I'ts my lifelong behavior pattern and I'm so disgusted with myself. I cant fail with the band like I failed my whole life.

Got banded on 12/28 after 20+ years of gaining and losing and gaining weight. Was 303 before my liquid diet started three weeks before surgery. I now weight 261 one week after surgery. Everything going fine, trying to buckle down to try to lose and keep off another 40 pounds. Has spouses or other significant folks in your life who know of your band adopted stances that with the band you ought to go back to weighing what you did when you were in college? My spouse feels I should be losing another 50 to 60 pounds with the band, which would make my BMI around 15%. Making me feel like anything less is failure. Has anyone else had this happen?

I am so sorry that your NUT was so unsupportive. I really don't get why people that don't understand obesity and/or the band, are allowed to work with lapband patients. Good for you that you will not see her again. No one is receptive to abuse, least of all people that are trying to lose weight. KUDOS to you for taking a stand! All the best to you on your journey! ~Fran

Kassie, Welcome! My husband and I both had asked our primary care dr. about WLS several times over the years and he would always tell us to "try South Beach" or another round of "WW" or one time gave us a brochure about a dr. who did liquid diets, etc. So when the time came and I was ready to pursue surgery, I had already picked my surgeon, met with a nutritionist (at the surgeon's office), gone to the WLS seminar, and set up an appt. with the surgeon. At that time, my insurance did require me to have written acknowledgement/approval from my PCP. I really like my PCP so I wasn't too keen on finding a new one that would recommend WLS. So I gathered up my courage, made an appointment with him and SURPRISE. He was awesomely supportive. I took him 12 years of dieting history (he has been my PCP for about 8 of those 12 years, so he definitely knew what I had tried in the past), he sat and listened to my story and how I was ready to change my life and we had a really good chat. I'm glad I didn't have to switch drs. and (this is just my personal opinion) that while he may not reccommend WLS to his patients, when he sees THEM make the decision, he is supportive (like in the end he will never have to say that it was HIS idea...KWIM?) About your parents. Here is what I personally did. I made all the arrangements, and was down to one month left to go (I had a insurance-required 6 month wait time) and I basically told my parents "this is what I'm doing with my life". My mom was scared that I was having elective surgery, while my dad was glad that I was doing something to ensure a healthy future. My mom eventually came around, felt much better after I was "ok" and out of surgery, but still makes comments like "Oh I could NEVER not eat and drink at the same time", etc. like what I'm doing is physically impossible. They are divorced and live about 4 hours away from me, so I could have probably hid this from them as well, but there is no need. I'm an adult, I didn't ask them for money to $$$pay$$$ for this, or ask that they do anything other than be supportive of my decision. And in that regard neither one of them has let me down. You gotta do what you gotta do, and everything from parents, to unsupportive drs. and the naysayers...bah, at the end of the day this is YOUR life that you are living and you need to live it the way you want to.

Cali...I agree regarding the chiro, but the comment about not wanting to tell anyone makes you worry that people are afraid they will fail...well that's just not fair. I don't tell, not because I'm ashamed, but I just don't want to hear anyone else's opinion on it and risk peope who would either be verbally unsupportive or try to sabotage me.

Okay, I am really struggling to come to terms that Sleeve surgery (that is the "one" she has picked so far) is right for my mom. She fits the requirements, but has lacked motivation to ever seriously complete a diet, and maintain. She gives up so quickly! She even said she has no motivation and feels this will motivate her. I apparently just look cold, mean, and unsupportive; although I am a person who plays devil's advocate with good intentions. Please help me convince my mom CAN do this? Sorry ahead of time if this is in the wrong spot, just joined today and a little overwhelmed.

Hi, VSG friends!! I know this question has been asked a million times but every one of us has different circumstances! So, here I go, and I apologize for this being kinda long to begin with! My name is Dana and I've been married 12 years to my wonderful hubby! We have 2 gorgeous girls (ages 9 & 6) who I homeschool! We've been trying to have one more baby over the last 5 years, but have been unsuccesful. I have PCOS and have been on fertility meds off and on and every time I take the meds, I gain 10 lbs. So, I started out 5 years ago weighing about 225 lbs and I now weigh 288 lbs. We've decided to leave the fertility drugs alone forever, choosing VSG instead and if we have another baby when I get healthy, we'll be overjoyed.....if I don't get pg, we'll count our blessings and move on! I had a friend ask me the other day if we were still trying to get pg. I paused before I answered her because I just didn't want to tell her about WLS!! So, I told her we weren't trying anymore, but I was going to see a dietician in January (not a lie, I am to meet my pre-op requirements!) and see if I can get some help losing weight. Ok, I don't mind telling people I'm having WLS AFTER I've already had it. It's the before part! My hubby is chairman of our church's deacon body and although our church is loving and supportive, I will be the FIRST person to have VSG or gastric bypass in our whole church, not to mention as a person who holds several leadership positions. I'm not at all sure of what reaction I'm going to get. I KNOW a few people would try to talk me out of it and tell me I just need to pray for more self-control....just a few, but I'd really rather avoid any negativity altogether! Do you agree?? If you were me, would you wait until after to tell? The other issue I have is when to tell our parents. With my in-laws, I'm not worried about them being unsupportive necessarily. They won't be thrilled, but I don't think they'd discourage me. It's more that my MIL worries and when she worries she gets horrible migraines! With my parents, it's a bit stickier. I don't have a good relationship with my parents right now. My mom tried to committ suicide for the second time a year ago and it was then that I finally realized that we've had a co-dependent relationship my whole life. I started setting healthy boundaries, my parents didn't like it, so we only see them on holidays/birthdays now. Their choice, not mine, but I decided a year ago that I would be healthy mentally and this year decided that my body needed to reflect the new health on my insides!! Anyway, what would you do? I was thinking about calling and telling both sets of parents the night before my surgery. I think they'd all be upset if we told them after the fact!! I'm having my sleep study done on January 5th, my diet consult and psych eval on January 12th, then we submit everything to my insurance company and I should have a surgery date in February! I'm so excited and feel so blessed that I have a hubby that is so incredibly supportive. I can't hardly wait to start my new life!!! Thank you to those of you who made it through all that!!

My husband let it slip to his mom that I was having surgery for weight loss. She totally flipped out on me telling me that I can loose the weight on my own, and I don't need surgery to achieve my goal. Then she asked what kind of surgery it was. When I told her the sleeve you would have thought I had told her I murdered someone. She can't understand why I have chosen to have surgery and why it has to be something so invasive. I told her I was considering the lapband, but after further research felt it would be more of a hassel and in the end may fail me or worse require surgery to fix damage it could possibly cause. I have done my research, I have asked every question in the book. I stuck to the 6 month diet which actually ended up being a 8 month diet. I may have lost weight while doing the supervised diet but the last couple of months the weight started coming back. She then went on to tell me I am addicted to surgery. WTH first of all c-section couldn't have been helped. My hysterectomy wasn't my decision it was something that had to happen. My other surgeries were to remove my ovaries because of tumors. I have been through hell and back and still can't seem to loose weight, and now she wants me to change my mind about surgery. It's not going to happen. I have worked to hard to get to where I am. My fear with it all is loosing my husbands support. He tells me he is there for me and is even starting his supervised diet in January for possible surgery this summer/fall. But if his mom is this unsupportive what is it going to do to him when I have the surgery on the 21st? I'm excited about my new journey I just wish everyone would keep opinions to themselves and try to be supportive as well. Will it ever happen though?

My husband (not being overweight himself) was not fully supportive of my surgery ("just eat less and exercise more!) but still hasn't been actively unsupportive as your husband seems to be. Your husbands behaviour says more about his own self-esteem and feelings concering his own weight than it does about his feelings about you! When I go through rough Patches in my relationship I try to remind myself that "ALL I can take responsibility for is my own life and my childrens life!" I.e. I'm the only one who can take responsibility of and be in charge of how I feel and how I react to situations. I cannot in any way or in any given situation be responsible for how my husband react or feel. Weight loss surgery is a lot of times called the "divorce-surgery", because it is quite common that relationships take a blow when one of the parties goes through such a big change, If the relationship isn't healthy and stable to start with there is a big chance it will end in such a process. I'm not saying yours will, but I would encourage you to focus on what is important right now: your own recovery and your own health! If your husband doesn't want to be part of that or doesn't have the ability to support you - then you are worth so much more! My very best wishes to you in your recovery and in your new life!

Ronnie I'm sorry about that...but really you don't need any negative/unsupportive people in ur life right now. Ita all about you sister!!

He is overweight, but not obese....maybe that is why, then...insecurity. I did tell him today that I wanted him to show me how to lift light weights after surgery and asked him if we could start exercising together. He was totally against that and said if he wanted to lose weight, he would just watch what he ate until he lost a few pounds...I dunno...Maybe we are hitting a fork in the road. The only thing that worries me, is that if he is this unsupportive now, what is he going to be like after I have it?