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I had a hysterectomy (uterus only) one year ago. Although I still have my ovaries, I think menopause has finally set in. Hot flashes every evening and at night. (Anyone else have a partner who is overly amorous when s/he wakes up and finds you nude and panting in bed? I don't have the heart to tell my husband he's not a rock star.) I am suddenly far less interested in that arena of late too. I am only 42, so I am hoping for a few more years before my hormones go completely out of whack, because I have heard that menopause does cause weight gain. Good luck!

Thank you for this post. I am nearly 3 years post-op and have experienced weight gain (just posted myself about it!) and didn't really consider the menopause aspect. Funny enough, it turned out one of my last regular periods was the day of my sleeve surgery. I was told to expect irregular periods post-op, so I didn't really think much of it until I was over two years out and had only had a handful of periods. I haven't had the blood tests to confirm it, but I'm guessing that I am well into it at this point. I have noticed that the weight gain has not been in the areas that have histocially been my problem areas--thighs and butt. I have always been an hourglass, but the new weight seems to be all in the belly and love handles, never something I had before. Thank you nature!

Hi, I just found this site because I am considering lap band surgery and have been diagnosed as PCOS. I hear your story and sounds too much like mine. I battled weight problems as a child and around age 18 I became very athletic and muscular- weight was 140 for a little while. After college the ability to exercise 2 hours a day slowly diminished and the weight crept back up. After a rough time with work and a feeling of depression I settled on taking an antidepressant. Within 4 months I gained 40 lbs and the weight has slowly crept higher and higher to my current 235 lbs. It took only about 2 years or less to make it to 220 and then the 235 in the last couple years. I have been off the medication a few years now- fearing it caused the weight gains. But haven't lost any weight since being off it. I was diagnosed last year with PCOS only after bringing it to my OBGYN's attention because I could not understand why- no matter what I tried- I could not lose weight. I knew there was a problem when I trained for (5 months) and completed a century ride in 2000 - among several bike rides that were 50+ miles. Then in 2007 I trained (5 months) for and completed a 1/2 marathon (walking). My clothes actually felt tighter! I was going out of my mind!!! Why didn't I lose ANY weight?? I think we have all felt the devastation of saying "this is the last time I am trying another new thing to try to lose the weight." And if you're like me you keep doing more and different things just to see if it will change life because you really can't give up. I still haven't given up exercising because that is the one thing that keeps me from laying in my bed and feeling sad. Not that I don't feel it some days. It's also hard because alot of friends and family really just want to believe "if only you ate this way" or "you just have to keep up with the exercise." They don't understand and I've worked harder than they have- only to feel like I achieved nothing in batttling the weight problem. Alot of people see it as willpower- I only can smile at them and say "thanks for your advice." I still have a hard time believing that all my efforts resulted in almost zero weight loss. Today is a good day for me and I feel okay about my weight- tomorrow might not be so happy- but I at least hope you see that you are not alone. There are a generous number of women out there battling the same problem- It sounds like you will find a good handful of them- with support- if you need it on this site. I'm hoping I can get alot of support as well because I have tons of questions!!! I do hope you feel better- sorry for the long post, I just didn't want you to feel alone in this battle- I'm right next to ya! :ohmy:

Went from a 36DD pre weight gain to 44F at my heaviest and now a 34C and still shrinking 😭. All that’s left is pretty much sagged skin with very little breast tissue. I’m only 5’1 and small framed so I’m not looking for breast implants but a lift is in my future once I hit goal. 🤦🏽‍♀️

She wrote an article for Glamour. She definitely had bypass, not the band. But she had heart surgery in 2010 and her weight gain has been since that surgery. Maybe she's on steroids or other meds affecting her weight regain.

Hi guys! SO HAPPY to hear that all of you are doing so well! Keep the posts coming - including the good, bad, and the ugly - let's be in this together! My surgery is one month away. I'm anxious and excited to get it done, but the extra time is giving me more time to get prepared. I've been having some serious freak outs lately. The most recent and probably biggest freak out came after hearing about two people who gained most, if not all, of their weight back after surgery. This scared the you know what out of me. You know why these stories are so scary for us.. Because we've already failed every single other time we've tried to lose weight. Gaining back at least some of the weight is a realistic fear. So I've been thinking about it a lot. Here's what I've realized. I will, for certain, lose weight and keep it off for at least a few years because I'm committed to working hard and making this surgery work for me. If I gain some of it back over the years, let's say 50% of it over 5-8 years, I will still be much lighter than I currently am. Also, without the surgery, I would probably be gaining over the next few years rather than losing, so by having the surgery, I believe that even if the worst happens and I end up gaining, I will still be less than I would have been - hopefully by a significant amount. I just had to work through all of this. Of course my commitment is to a life change, but I'm dealing with a 40 year old addiction and that still scares me. After the freak out subsided, I once again realized how grateful I am for this opportunity. This is going to help me change my life in such a positive and significant way. I know I will do the hard work because that's what I do - now, though, I will have a super tool to help support me with my efforts.

honey everyone has that feeling of "what did I do" after surgery. I spent about 2 weeks feeling like I had made a huge mistake. After that I realized it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. initially your eating while healing is definitely different from your normal. The new normal starts to give you more choices and you will start seeing the results of your better choices which will give you a good mental attitude and motivation. I was 66 years old when I made the leap to surgery, I was banded in January 2013. When I had my surgery I had diabetes, which was getting increasingly worse with my weight gain and lack of mobility, I was on the verge of starting insulin and my cholesterol and blood pressure were getting higher. Since surgery I am normal and do not take any medications . You will be able to eat normally, but it will be a new normal, you can eat real food and enjoy eating out but your outlook will change. Hang in there and remember to focus on why you had your surgery. We are all here and there are so many here who have had all of the same feelings as you just ask questions and make sure you listen to your body and ask your Dr. for anything medical.

Hi... i know this has possibly already been covered... but i suppose this is my story... I had lapband surgery in July 2007.... lost 20 kg... and my band erroded on 12 months resulting in m having it removed in July 2008.... Now 12 months on and having kept my weioght off for 9 months... and now having had a weight gain of 8 kg... approx 16 lb in the last three... it is time for me to rethink my surgical options... I alternate between rebanding or sleeve.... my against banding is that it may erode as quickly again... My against sleeve is that there is metal staples .... I would be interested in others thoughts and stories as to what decisions they made....and would appreciate the help My surgeon is open to doing both surgeries, and he wants me to make the decision to what is best for me.... Heather....

Hi All It has been a long time since I have been here. I have lost a lot of weight and now I'm trying to keep it off. my band was to tight my doc took out 2cc and I started to eat like I didn't have a band gained 10lbs in one month trying to get back on track. When the band was to tight I couldn't eat hard foods and eat a lot of soft or ice cream and this went on for 5 months before I told the doc because I didn't want to be unfilled I lost 40lbs doing this it was not good weight lost and now for the first time since getting the band I have weight gain I'm trying not to think about it just get back on track but it is hard to stop eating the way I was when I was tight. The doc will only put back a little at a time so now I can eat and not feel full. I should have good eating habits after 2 years but I don't I now must write down what I eat and no more sweets. Thanks for listening I'm still down 150lbs and I want to keep it off. I was banded 01/07/08

Cindi - So happy you popped in! You hit the nail on the head, the band is the one that continues to work, its "ME" that quits working with the band. I find that I eat more junk when I get comfortable and the weight creeps back on! I am the one that causes the weight gain, not the band. So good that you are still exercising. I'm become lazy lately at that. I know I need to get back into the groove, I set my alarm this morning to get up, but just couldn't do it. I will be going tonite! Keep posting, we miss u!

The Beginning Growing up I use to tell everyone I was born fat so I am going to die fat! My story starts on July 28th 1983 my wonderful mother gave birth to a beautiful 10 pound baby girl…. Me! My parents told me I was the biggest baby in the hospital and I was proud of that. Who ever thought that this was the beginning of my obesity life. I am not going to sit here and writing about how I was teased when I was growing up and how I eat everything is sight because I will be lying to you guys and I am many things but I lair I am not. I was never tease about my weight growing up. So what cause me to become plus size diva? One word boredom. I was never athletic in school but I was involved in a lot of different activities like girls scouts, drama clubs and etc. Majority of the time all I did was eating junk food and when I was at home I was eating junk food either because I was bored. Fast forward to my high school life preferably my Senior year. Me and my best friend (Note: Just in case you are wondering we are still best friends!) were going to join the Air Force together but I had to lose 40 pounds in order to join. Guess what? I did as a matter of fact and I lost about 60 pounds. Impressive Right? Too bad I inherited my dad’s feet and could not join because I have no arch in my feet. True Story! I was devastated but life goes on and so did my weight. Life in my 20’s the yo-yo dieting years! Who wants to play I’ve been on that diet game? Since I couldn’t join the armed forces I decided to work for the government and started going to college. I always struggle with my weight and I spent most of my twenties trying out different diets. I gain back 50 pounds that I lost before with a new set of boobs. No I didn’t get a boob job I think 20% of my weight gain went to my boobs. For the longest time I have maintained my weight from 225 to 235. Then all of a sudden I was either losing a friend and a relative every year. I took my frustrations out by eating food. I am an emotional eater and I can admit that. My last diet that I was on was Weight Watchers I actually did pretty well on it until I hit a plateau then I never got back on track. I learned how to accept weighing at 250 or 255 and maintaining that. Until August of last year… For the past 4 years I’ve been maintaining my weight 250 to 255 but this time around my Wii fit (my scale) Said 267! I swear I thought my Wii fit was lying. Until I weighted myself on several scales at work and I found out the harsh reality. Why I chose to have the lap band….. A Quarter life mid crisis! After many bottles of beer and soul searching, I told myself “I gave obesity my 20’s I refuse to give obesity my 30’s!” I decided to start working on a better me. I watch a Weight Management seminar online to get a better understanding on my surgical weight lost options. I immediately knew if I was going to pick a WLS it was going to be the Lap band. Why, because I didn’t want my stomach to be cut in half, my inside to be rerouted and etc. Sorry but that does not sound healthy to me. I didn’t wake up and said I was going to get the lap band this was a 7 month process. I wanted to try to lose weight on my own first but at the same time I went to a local support group to help me with my final decision. I am glad I went to a local support group because some of the YouTube videos I found scared the crap out of me. October I made my decision to get the lap band. On February 9th I got my approval letter from my insurance company and 2 months later (April 9th) I got my surgery date May 1st 2013! I am looking for to my healthier lifestyle and a new me! My goal is to be 20 pounds lighter on my 30th birthday! Wish me luck! Thank you for reading

As most of you know, the love of my life passed away at the age of 48 on June 8. He was really my world but I know I have to move on. I'm up 23 pounds since his diagnosis and death in the past 6 months. The last 10 pounds came on quick. I've actually put off my blood work for 6 months and am having this done on Wed. I do not have a thyroid so if my levels are off it could cause some of the gain. I honestly do not eat. I know that is part of the problem. I don't eat food much and when I do I get nauseous. I drink lattes and frappes and eat fudge sickles and just sugar liquid that just goes right on down and gives me the a good feeling of comfort for awhile. Caffeine and sugar. Sugar the devil! I'm so disappointed in myself. I know that my husband wouldn't want me to do this. I try every day to do better but to no avail. I've tried sugar free crap. I hate it. Unfortunately, the sugar is my comfort and my demise. I am 2 years and 2 months out and I kept off my weight until his diagnosis in January. I know that people say that a 20 lb weight gain is pretty normal this far out but I never made it to goal. I feel so fat and terrible. I can't wear my size 10 or 12's and now its back to a 14/16. I just hate it. Lord, I need help. I'm attaching a poem I wrote called "Heaven On A Sunday". This is exactly how the last day of my husbands life really was. I know I'm traumatized because taking care of him for the last 6 months and losing him is just so much to handle. Seeing cancer eat up the person you love so very much. Seeing him go from 48 to looking 90 is beyond what I can comprehend. I miss him very much. Thanks for reading and I appreciate all of you. Heaven On A Sunday You left me on a Sunday. My life will never be the same. Such a day of suffering for you and me; But yours was so much more to be. You tried to talk but could not. Still things you and I needed to say. You tried to grab my hand to say good bye, But you had no strength left inside. You turned to look at me with those once beautiful eyes. Now showing stress of your long journey of this terrible thing inside. You seem to say to me everything would be okay. You were on your way to Heaven on this Sunday. As I watched your breath so labored and hard, Your chest rises and falls. My heart breaks into pieces to never be whole again. I see the pain you have endured and the scars on your body of a battle you fought so very hard. Tears rolled down my cheeks for the last time your name I call. I kiss your lips and tell you to go with our Savior. I watch you with my heart overflowing with love, As life leaves your face and you look at me for the very last time. I know you have gone above. Your body relaxes and my heart is crushed. I know my life will never be the same. God took you home at seven on a Sunday. I can’t seem to get away from the pain. I live with the pain of losing you everyday. I relive each and every heartbreaking moment of that Sunday. I pray for strength, Grace, and Mercy. God please take my pain away. I pray the pain will lessen and my heart won’t break as much next Sunday as today. God took you home on a Sunday. I miss you more than I can say. If I had a choice of what day our Lord would come for me, I have to say, I would choose to go to Heaven on a Sunday. Just like the Lord took you that day. Written by Lisa Beckermann for her Love Barry Bear.

that's great ur doing good after breast reduction. I agree with u on the HCG diet, I don't think anyone should do it unless they are totally commited, it's very strict and any wavering from the diet can cause weight gain. It took me a lot of research and an article I read is what convinced me to try it. It wasn't the article itself, it was a negative article but it was all th comments after the article. Hundreds and hundreds of comments disputing the article. It convinced me to just try it. The first 10 days were he'll, lots of carb withdrawals, but then it got so easy. There us no way I can do it over the next few months because of all the traveling we are doing, so I have ended it and now on a maintenance phase. I am really restricted now too, I am finally to a sweet spot - I love it! Tonight we went out for Mexican and I could only eat about 1/3 or less of my meal. I got very full fast. My band will keep me from over eating during the next few months while I'm doing the maintenance phase. Now I must get back to my exercise routine and hit it hard!

You make adjustments with your calorie intake and exercise when you reach your goal. It becomes math in the maintainence phase. You do increase your calories but not with junk food, you still eat nutritional fuel. I have talked in depth with my NUT about this and my question was since my restriction is still about 4 oz of food, how do I get more calories. It is very easy to increase calories, too easy sometimes that is why you need to have a food journal such as myfitnesspal.com . I have noticed that if you add a Protein shake, a piece of fruit and some beef jerkey, that can easily add a few hundred calories. Even though they are healthy calories, they are calories. Adding those extra items daily might help you maintain your weight, gain weight or lose weight. If you keep losing and you want to stop, add more healthy calories. It is constant adjustments you will be making once you reach goal. I am about 10 lbs from goal right now, I probably could have reached my goal last month but I need the added calories and carbs for exercise so I could have the energy for my workouts. It had slowed my weight loss some but in exchange, it gave me the added energy to build muscle and tone up. Once I reach goal, I will always continue to exercise so I will have to find that magic number of calories where I do not gain or lose weight.

Almost 50. Heavy since 2003. Obese since 2003. Mixed with periods of overweight, weight loss with Atkins diet, weight gain to morbidly obese, weight loss again to overweight with b-12 shots and appetite suppressants to once again, obese. Obesity is in my family as well as diabetes & heart disease. I have high blood pressure & i am borderline diabetic, now i have new severe back pain and ailments coming out of seemingly nowhere. But, the "where" is bad health and it finally got my attention. Researched options including lap-bands in 2012 Sleeved 2/25/2013 The rest of the story...great success through the support of my family, and consideration of my clients I LOVE what I do. I am ready to give more to my community and really live life to the fullest. I am very grateful for this opportunity and do not intend to squander it My life goals To Breathe life where ever I go. To Give the gift of encouragement. To live with incredible passion so that "Life itself" continues to be THE most amazing lover I've ever had ! (Copyright)

I am really glad to hear you're going to be able to do this. Good luck to you. :cool: I've heard from people who had tummy tucks that generally even if they had more weight gain/loss after the tuck that their tummy still looked better than it did before the plastic surgery...so I think it's probably well worth it even if you need touch up work later. A tummy tuck is the one plastic surgery procedure I would dearly love to have. I haven't had any kids (or any other abdominal procedures) but my panniculus is about a "grade 2" also. Everyone thought my skin would snap back from the weight loss because I'm relatively young (I'm 21) but I have a lot of stretch marks on my tummy and I think it was just stretched beyond the point of return at my highest weight. It's bad enough that I had a lady I was helping at work ask me if I was pregnant! Agh! (By the way, for those who don't already realize it, it's NEVER a good idea to ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you already know the answer - both of us felt bad after I had to tell her, no, I'm not pregnant :cool: ) I would LOVE to be able to get a tummy tuck right now but haven't really pursued it because I thought that the surgeons would surely decline to do it until I'm at goal. It gives me hope that you have found surgeons who are willing to do it.

I had a revision front band to gastric sleeve.......I never "ate around my band" and it was highly effective for 8 years until I began having reflux during the night and aspirating. Aspiration pneumonia can kill you!! I was unable to have enough fill in my band for it to be effective, so without my "tool"......my weight began creeping back up. I developed pre-diabetes at end began having joint problems due to the weight gain. So glad you surgeon recommended the sleeve. He said it was a restrictive procedure like the band, and since I did so well with the band that it should work for me. Band failure can be completely unrelated to the direct actions of an individual. Sent from my SM-G930V using the BariatricPal App

Hello all and Happy Surgiversary. I have made it down to 189 without gaining weight. That is good but I have been stalling ..that would be because I have not been as Not that I have lied but have not told everything. to make an appointment with the psychologist as food has been the culprit of weight gain when making healthy choices. I will keep you all informed of this outcome.

@@lisacaron research shows that many processed foods are engineered to make us crave more. that food scientists actually sat in a lab to figure out the precise levels of salt and fats and sugars to make our bodies addicted to processed foods and eat more. Processed Foods and Obesity - My Bariatric Life In fact, here is a 10-part series on weight gain and food addiction The Great Weight Gain Addiction Game, Part 1 then of course there are fast foods! Fast Food and Obesity: The Super-Sizing of America research also shows that aspartame and other chemical low calorie sweeteners cause our bodies to eat more (and thus gain weight, the exact opposite of what we believe "sugar free" means). Aspartame: Sweet or Misery add to that our extremely sedentary and stressful lifestyles. most people sit behind a computer screen at a desk for their jobs. then they come home and play on their computers, or gaming consoles, or watch TV. Internet Use, Obesity, and Poor Health - America's New "Sitting Disease" - My Bariatric Life Stress Linked to Obesity You mention the gut. There is some evidence that gut bacteria is linked to weight gain. The Influence of Gut Bacteria on Weight Gain and Obesity Intestinal Bacteria May be Causing Your Weight Gain There is a diet called the GAPS diet which is said to heal the gut. Perhaps you would benefit to check it out. What is the GAPS Diet – Gut and Psychology Syndrome? OMG, I can go on and on... I hope that I did not overload you! AND I hope this information is helpful!

I had my band for almost 11 months. I had peritonitis, undiagnoised for almost too long. In hospital for a week after removal, and in bed at home for 4 weeks after. It took me 4 more weeks to regain strength and return to somewhat normal for me. I have so many mixed emotions now, mourning my band, mad at my Doc, emotional eating and rebound weight gain. Emotionally out of control with food. I don't feel I fit in in any weight loss group. Because no one understand the mourning part. I had gotten acustom to its presents and was losing slowly but steady. Now since its removal I have gained 20 lbs in 4 months. Any support out there? Linda Tennessee

@@Keeper I remember the pamphlet from Lean Line when I was in the 7th grade. It read that first place a diet starts is in your head. For me, overcoming the bulimia was really very difficult. What truly helped my BED was the generic version of wellbutrin. i did some research on it and asked my doctor to prescribe that for me rather than the Prozac that I was on, which caused weight gain and did not reduce BED or bulimia. I do recall having the urge to eat and vomit after my gastric bypass, and contacting my bariatric surgeon and getting a reply back from his office, "I eat 6 grapes at night." My reaction was WTF!!!! I am talking about eating pizza and making myself vomit and you think the solution is simply to eat 6 grapes?!?!?! This is why we have to be our own best advocates when it comes to our health.

I was always "chubby" and overweight enough to be teased. I remember my first diet. I was about age 12 and I decided to lose some weight. I did manage to lose 20 pounds. But it came right back on. I think I was 120 pounds when I started and 100 when I finished. But like I said, it came right back on. I started high school at 150 pounds. That was heavier than my friends, and I was embarrassed. I joined Weight Watchers during high school, and lost, again, the same 30 pounds over and over again. I started college at approximately 200 pounds and gained about 15 or 20 my first semester. I went on a high Protein no carb diet, and by my sophomore year had managed to get down to about 160 pounds. During my early 20s, I went up to about 220. Then I became a caretaker for my grandmother. After she died, I began eating uncontrollably. I ended up at around 305. Through OA, I got my weight down to 156 pounds. I met my husband, and got married. I gained 11 pounds on my honeymoon. Over the next several years I had two children and two more pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. My weight went up with each child and pregnancy. My weight was around 220-250 pounds for most of this time. I tried Weight Watchers again, and again, the same 30 pounds were lost and regained. A couple of years ago, my marriage started to go downhill very quickly. My eating was my comfort and my weight climbed. I topped out at 302. I made the decision to have WLS in September 2013. I was banded in March 2014. Life is getting better now, and I hope to achieve my goal weight by next summer. I am in the early stages of divorce after moving out of my home this summer. Reading this to myself, I can see that grief and stress were definite triggers for me during my highest weight gains. When I look back at pictures of me as a child, I was chubby, but certainly not obese. It is so sad how we see ourselves. And the judgments that we place on ourselves. I remember reading in Reader's Digest magazine, when I was 8 years old, an article about weight. It said that statistically, if a child is overweight at age 10, she will be overweight her entire life. That scared me. I was already 8. Sure enough, at age 10, I was still overweight. It almost seemed like my destiny. I feel sad for that child now. I lived in anxiety about my weight my whole life.

Thanks for your response everyone, I think i'll enjoy being pregnant and try and maintain a normal weight gain and I'll see how early I can get it after having my baby. Thanks again :thumbup:

Hey guys, sorry I havent been on to respond to the comments.. I've had this nasty cold from the weather going from hot to cold and back.. I've been trying to heal myself b4 the surgery in 7 days... WOW the time has past quickly since I made the date.. I cant believe it is around the corner.. I dont feel like I have lost any pre op weight and feeling sad about it.. I think my body realizes that I am stressed and needs that extra comfort to hold on to any fat I wanna lose..lol.. but i can rest assure that after the surgery I will lose.. it is just a matter of when and how much.. Ok getting back to why I am here...lol.. I just wanna say again how much your comments and support have lifted my spirits and confirmed what I knew a long time ago.. that this behavior isnt right and I deserve better.. but b4 I look for better I need to work on myself and that means changing who I am as a person.. inside and out.. once I get there I can then decide what is best for me.. I wanna give a little background on who I am.. My whole life has been about mental abuse.. my father was the sherriff of our small town and a law enforcement guy b4 then.. my mother was a very kind and forgiving woman but most importantly a very strong christain..she did anything and everything to find ways of help other ppl.. she worked as a special needs teacher and had a heart of gold.. I learned through my childhood that life is rough and we need to work on what God gives us.. I saw my mother abused many times in my life and always felt that wasnt right that she needed to get out.. but she never did.. her motto was that when we marry that was it.. in our family she believed that divorce isnt an option and that you work on things when it wasnt right... She past away when I was 18yrs old with a long battle of breast cancer.. it started when I was 10 and didnt get any better.. even in her time of sickness she always thought of others, was always willing to help or give tons of support.. she never gave up and I find that was a great quality that I learned from her.. they always say that when a daughter takes a husband that they will find a guy like their dad.. well in my case it was very true.. I just didnt realize it until yrs after my marriage and tons of conuseling that I was back in my childhood and didnt know what to do.. all I do know is the voice of my mother reaching out and saying that divorce wasnt an option that I needed to work on it.. I have worked many yrs on my marriage but it gets to the point when the one working on it gets tired and gives up... hence all the weight gain from many yrs of food abusing myself... that was the only place I could find comfort and feel satisfied... I hear all the ladies that say they would never take this kind of abuse and that they would leave but no one will ever know how to react until they are faced with it.. this is all I know.. the counselors have told me that I cant recongize what true love is because I have never seen it myself.. all I know is abuse and it is hard to accept anything else.. I am a very strong christain woman and know that if I keep praying that one day god will set me free from these strongholds.. it may not be now but I know one day I will... whether it is here on earth or up in heaven... all I do know is that I am trying to be a great wife and mother and do what is right in the eyes of the lord... at the end of my journey i can say I did my best... I do wanna say that I Do hear everyone and DO appreciate all the feedback you have shared.. it means a lot to me and trust me I have been thinking a lot about this since I have posted it.. it does open my eyes to the things that arent right and that needs to be changed.. I feel like all of you have empowered me to step up to have a voice again and tell him when things arent right.. so thank you all and sorry this letter was all over the place.. writing letters wasnt a strong point in my schooling.. so please forgive me on that.. oh and the lady that said it was good to have some education.. I wanna say that I do have a degree in radiology and worked many years in my profession b4 having kids.. so I do have something to fall back on.. it is another thing my mother taught me b4 dying.. to always have something to fall back on.. she also taught me to save for a rainy day.. you never know when you might need it to run away.. lol.. but right now my rainy day money is going for my surgery since he is making me pay for it.. it is self pay in Mexico but I look at it as a very good investment that I could give myself... plus if I ever leave him he couldnt say he gave me the body i will earn.. I would never give him that satisfation... Dont worry guys.. I am a tough and strong woman with a basket of lots of emotions.. it is just a matter of when I have had enough that I will finally figure out what to do... thanks again guys and please dont think i am knocking anything that anyone has said because it has all helped in my spirits... I ask one more thing of all of you.. could you please pray for me on the 21st.. I need all the prayers that day so i can get through this and return home to my kids and husband.. yes I said husband.. he isnt going with me and made me find a friend to take.. that choice wasnt his fault but his mothers that chose not to help watch my kids,, I know the whole family is screwed up and trust me I am mad about it... but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.. have a wonderful weekend...

I am on Wellbutrin, Sertraline, Clonazepam, and Rexulti. I have always dealt with depression and anxiety. I have be prescribed so many meds, and most of them caused a lot of weight gain. These seem to be doing OK now, but is I begin gaining weight after losing it, my first call will be to my psychiatrist.