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Oh if only that were true for all of us. I have a D cup, and they've gotten a bit smaller. I'm the kind of person whose weight gain/loss is spread pretty evenly all over my body. But I know that when I reach my goal weight, I will probably still be a D or a very full C. I would LOVE to be a B cup, but I think I'd have to get down around 115 for that to happen. I'm 5'7" so I don't know if that would even be possible.

Hi - my doctor requires a 10 day pre-op liquid diet. So I can have clear liquids, protein shakes, etc. Then the day before the surgery it is clear liquids only and nothing after midnight. I'm really surprised about the variation of diets for before the surgery. It never occurred to me that everyone wouldn't be on the same type of diet! Anyway, after the surgery is 1 week of clear liquids again, 3 days of full liquids (like yogurt, cream soups, etc.), 3 days of pureed foods, 1 week of mashed, 1 week of soft foods (like eggs, cottage cheese, etc) and then a normal band diet. But I am really lucky that there are no requirements as to weight gain or anything. So even if I happen to gain weight before the surgery, they aren't going to cancel it. YEAH!! :smile:

A question for the ladies who have had the sleeve. Do you experience weight gain with your TOM? If so, when does it usually happen - the week of, the week before or 2 weeks before? I'm just trying to figure out why I gained 4 pounds a week ago and have stayed at that level. At the support group meeting last night, the PA suggested it could be because of TOM. I'm inclined to think that is what caused it because I haven't really changed any of my other eating habits. However, having my surgery a month ago and it screwing with my TOM, I really don't know when I should be having it again so am a bit confused with this weight gain. I should have started my TOM last month on the day of my surgery, but it started a week later. So now I am thinking that I will start sometime next week (at least that is what I am hoping considering my normal migraines that come just before TOM started yesterday).

First of all, I just want to say that I am so proud of you for reaching out and getting the process started. Sometimes that very first action is the hardest but you did it and that's something to celebrate. I would say as you're working through the process of getting approved for surgery, it would be worthwhile to see a therapist. I also have abuse and trauma in my history which heavily contributed to my disordered eating and weight gain. Getting help for my mental well being was the single most important piece of my journey. The surgery is just a tool and it will only work as well as you learn to use it. Making sure that you work through trauma, learn new coping mechanisms, and have a solid support system in place will help ensure long term success. As for questions, I'd say keep a journal or notebook and write things down as they come to mind. Then, take that to your appts and ask them all as you're able to. Personally, I wanted to know all about my surgeons success/mortality/infection rates, the pre- and post-op diets, long term eating habits, vitamin and supplement requirements, and my personal health history and how it may impact surgery and success. Of course, other questions came up along the way, so I asked those too. Welcome to the WLS surgery club. We're glad you're here and we're cheering you on!

I am in my 9th month high weight 365 lost 83 lbs its truly a blessing from God. I have not had one stall or weight gain. WHY because I weigh at the end of each month ONLY on my surgery day, workout 6 days a week and drink 10 glasses of water per day and consume 1200 calories a day and eat something every 3 hrs to boost my matablism loving me and life. Keep up the good work

Most people's rate of loss is not constant so this could just be the normal thing. I know my weight loss stalled many times, heck I even gained weight here and there. I had to take steroids on more than one occasion and they are definitely known to cause weight gain. I broke my pelvis and femur and was hospitalized for weeks then disabled for several more months. I still didn't let any of that keep me from reaching and maintaining my goal weight. Just keep doing what you're doing. Don't get frustrated. Even if it is the medication, 3-6 months is a very short time compared to the rest of your life....and that's how long you will have your sleeve to help you. Good luck!

I did have a therapist throughout but not through my bariatric team and not in connection with being overweight. I don't have a food "addiction". I gained weight during a long term illness that left me bed bound and taking medication that causes weight gain. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

How many times have I heard this. Everyone with the band is not going to lose weight at a high rate of speed. To me a loss is a loss whether it be a pound or an ounce. Many factors play in to weight loss and they are consuming less calories then you burn, getting 8 or more hours of sleep, moving your bowels regularly, eating high protein meals with good carbs such as vegetables and fruit and moving. Actually wheat products such as wheat breads and pastas have been proven to be no better then white bread and pastas and may even cause more weight gain. Yes, gluten is a real problem. But the problem is not just gluten. In fact, there are three major hidden reasons that wheat products, not just gluten (along with sugar in all its forms) is a major contributor to obesity, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, dementia, depression and so many other modern ills. How Wheat -- and Gluten -- Trigger Weight Gain, Prediabetes, Diabetes and More This new modern wheat may look like wheat, but it is different in three important ways that all drive obesity, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, dementia and more. It contains a Super Starch -- amylopectin A that is super fattening. It contains a form of Super Gluten that is super-inflammatory. It contains forms of a Super Drug that is super-addictive and makes you crave and eat more. So if you have changed over to wheat products and are not losing this may be why. It really isn't wheat anymore but a bunch of fillers so that may impeade your weight loss. There are many reasons why you may not be losing as much as others, but I say keep doing what you are doing and eventually you will get to goal. It can take two years to lose 100lbs that is not uncommon. Yes you want it off now because you had surgery but the slower the better and if you lose weight slowly you will be more apt to keep it off long term.

Hey all, As you may or may not know, I'm going through a tough spot and my doctor prescribed Prozac. Has anyone been on this? I have a history of depression with possible Bi-Polar II and don't react well to anti-depressants at all, and heard this can cause weight gain. Not too good for a recent bariatric patient.

Well I am three years out 178lbs and I still feel fat. If my stomach would vanish mysteriously I would be happier. I think we will always feel we are fat. I dont agree you need therapy because really if we let go of the band the result would be weight gain again. I feel I am in control but I think I will always feel fat.

I wanted to throw in an update because just... WOW!!! For MONTHS I've been stressing due to all the swellings, weight gains and whatever else comes with plastic surgery... however - as always with time comes healing and RESULTS!!! Every single day now I'm seeing humungous differences!! I'm over the moon right now, and THANKING EVERYTHING GOOD that I chose the right surgeons. They performed literally miracles for me. I. AM. HAPPY. In the last 4 weeks alone I've dropped NEARLY 15 INCHES off my whole body!!!! YAYAYEEESSSSS!!!!! Picture Updates:

*UPDATE* For all who asked: I talked to a local malpractice attorney, he said no one legitimate would take my case. It seems if a doctor has been reckless, negligent and unprofessional, it would be best if they killed you. The problem it seems, I haven't died yet and it isn't "profitible" for them to file suit. He was really very nice and explained some of what I suspected- it would require hiring specialists to say what the doctors did was wrong which would be thousands of dollars on their end. Since I didn't lose my life, or at least a limb, the case is likely worth less than 50k and they would eat up most of it in expert testimony. How can that be? seriously? oh well, there has to be a dollar amount placed on everything and apparently this isn't worth a whole lot! His suggestion was to call the hospital and talk to their patient liason or the risk management department and complain about my stay. I replied it wasn't a hotel and I didn't need to complain, what they did was grossly negligent and almost cost me my life and my daughter her mother. I'm on the fence about trying another attorney, I don't want to hear the same thing but I also don't want a sleaze ball giving my high expectations and hopes that can't be realized. I AM pissed, I've been hurting, I DID suffer for way too long, NO ONE listened to me, I DESERVE compensation for the misery they put me through, I want them to pay for what they did, I want everyone to know what they did. I'm petty and childish and want retribution for the wrongdoing, to feel vindicated in a courtroom, in front of a judge and jury, to be able to look at them and tell them what they did came close to ruining my life and ask who would have mothered my child had I died? To remind them the hippocratic oath says to do no harm and they failed, they harmed me, left me in pain, didn't ease my suffering, blew me off as just another fatty who didn't care enough to take care of themselves and what were they supposed to do? fix all the damage I did to my body over 40 years? My biggest concern is for other patients seen both at the hospitals and by the doctors involved. I really don't want to ruin anyones career but I also don't want these doctors thinking that the bare minimum is good enough. We are patients, living, breathing human beings who are at the mercy of people who take one look at you or review your file and decide you're a complainer, you can't tolerate a small amount of pain, you're a drug seeker, you like the attention, you're a hypochondriac, you should just shut up and be quiet or better yet, just stay home. I'm still not able to eat and drink enough to sustain myself but found milk and bread settle my stomach so I don't feel like i'm constantly spinning from the nausea. The problem with that has been a temporary 5 lb weight gain- sooo scary, i've lost all but a pound, back up to 301, great! Having some temporary relief has made it worth it though, I honestly hoped I would die some days because the nausea and vomiting were so bad, feeling that vomit well up from your toes and the waiting, trying to stop it from happening, worrying about the pills you took earlier and whether they were in your intestines or stuck in your pouch and would come up with the vomit, being so tired you aren't sure you'll actually live through another stomach spasm because when they start they don't stop, even if you've vomited up everything and you just lie there, with your eyes bulging out and your mouth open with your tongue pushed out and you can't slow it enough to even catch your breath. So the good news is that my PCP referred me to not 1 but 2 departments at the University where I will see a gastroenterologist and another bariatric surgeon to get some insight into the complications and hopefully a long term fix. If anyone can help, it's the University hospita,l and I am so thankful that my PCP was able to get me in there! The blood clots in my arm have not subsided which is slightly unusual and makes me worry, alot. For anyone with hand or arm problems, it's similar to nerve issues like carpal tunnel or guyon canal compression etc.... i'm having pain, numbness and tingling just like I did before I had surgery on my hands. My arm is still swollen and i've woken up with my hand huge and cold several times this week. It feels like theres a rubber band at my anticubital that is tightening and irritating the nerves. The scary thing is that neuropathy and nerve issues can be the result of med toxicity and could be permanent. I don't believe that is the case, I think it's just from the vericose veins and the blood clots. I hope that's the scenario, but to find out either way and see if it requires surgery, I have been referred to a vascular surgeon. yay! I've gotten a reprieve from the terrible trips to the lab for blood draws! My insurance carrier has covered a home PT monitor to check my clotting times. It only takes a drop of blood and gives the score which I call in to the doctors office every day. It has been running high so they decreased my coumadin which means only3 pills instead of 6 every morning- I can't tell you what a relief it has been! I took some flowers to the lab tech who had been drawing my blood these last few weeks. She was my hero, she gave me tiny infant foot warmers that I would put on before I went every day so they could increase the blood flow and make it easier for them to get. She listened to everything I said about where to try a stick and avoided the veins I told her to, even though she could see them and really wanted to poke them, she believed me when I said they would blow if she got one or worse yet, roll and hide when she went to stick which causes them to poke you and then dig, dig, dig for the vein they know is there- they won't get it and you'll be miserable, eventually scar tissue forms and there won't be any more blood draws in that spot. The greatest things through all of this have been the support, compassion and sincerety i've been met with while sharing my story. My primary doc was so open, honest and apologetic for what I went through, not even my surgeon has admitted anything went wrong but my PCP knew something wasn't right, he listened to me and fought for me. When I said I couldn't go back to my surgeon's office he personally contacted specialists and got me in to the best ones he could find. I'm much more optimistic and hopeful that someone, somewhere will figure out my issues and help me. It has to keep going up from here right? :-)

We were about a year out -- might've been sooner, but it took me almost 9 months to get pregnant. My surgeon never mentioned a specific wait-time for pregnancy. In fact, I was told I could have the band even if I was planning on getting pregnant right away because it would help with weight gain during the pregnancy.

some people have called this band hell the time before your 1st fill. i go on monday and i'm goin to ask how long before the first fill:scared2: my doc is a stickler on weight gain from now and what could be 4 weeks. I keep the grumbles to a lul with sugar free jello or a tsp. of peanut butter since it's high in protein. i'm so scared for anything else.

Not everyone that has a low BMI gets WLS because of the laziness of putting a "little effort" I had wls at a BMI of 32, this was because i completely screwed up my metabolism from having the band. I was a BMI of 23 and jumped to 32 in less than 12 months since having the band removed. Basically i can not eat above 800 calories without gaining. My exercise and diet remained the same, i did NOT gain from lack of effort. Please do not generalise without knowing peoples history or story, a blanket statement like that isn't useful to anyone. And as you say, being 200lbs, you lose with very little effort, this may be the case for you, but you will find that weight loss is slower the lower BMI one is. Better to do something about it sooner than later right? That's like us (low BMI'ers) saying "we don't understand how you can gain so much weight & take so long to do something about it". To be honest there's no reason for anyone to be 600pds... Sorry. Heavier people lose weight faster than we do actually that why there's drastic weight loss for them, the weight moves slower for low BMI's so we actually HAVE to work super hard. I don't understand why anyone on this site would be harsh toward anyone. We are all here because we made bad choices & want to be healthier. I don't see a purpose for dissension on a "support group". Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App 600 lbs is a little excessive and i feel you were being mean spirited. Im not trying to be harsh im trying to understand. I understand if you have a health issue or rapid weight gain for no reason. But i do have an idea of the struggle because i have been that size most women in my family are that size and dont have trouble losing if and when they want to. I see that this is not the case for everyone and my apologies for generalizing. My concern is that surgery is becoming a go to option instead of a last option. But who am i?? This is just my opinion on an open forum you dont have to agree with me.And also ive been "doing something about it" since i was 13 im 30 now. I exhausted EVERY other option before i ended up hear. Every diet known to man trainers, nutritionist, tons of time in the gym. so it took so long because i busted my ass first landed on my face too many times. And here we are.

I am 7 years post VSG. I lost 145 pounds and kept it off 3-4 years, had plastics and looked and felt great, and then life happened. I cared for Sick parents, husband with early onset dementia and dearth subsequent death, a year of grieving....then one day I woke up and faced the truth of a 55 pound weight gain. September 2019 I began focusing on my health and goals again, and I’ve lost 22 pounds. I had a barium swallow which revealed I have a normal capacity stomach, so really, no restriction. I never had the restriction others describe. Anyway, as much as I hated to do it, I joined WW. I basically eat like a Bariatric patient, using WW as guardrails. I also have increased my exercise and am totally in the Peloton “cult”, which is great because I am loving exercise for the first time ever. I never thought I’d be here..yet here I am, living proof that stomachs DO stretch and even smart, determined people can end up with regain. I believe it will take me until June or July to get back to goal, but every pound lost is a great feeling of accomplishment.

This is pretty normal. Weight gain, weight loss and surgery are the ideal recipe for messing up our schedules. Throw in the onset of menopause and I never know when I am getting a period! pre-surgery I had nothing for 9 months, post-surgery it was every two weeks but now I haven't had a period for two months.

I haven't been eating the best foods for me which is how I got into the habit of eating less because I couldn't seem to stick with the good for me foods. I only want the surgery to loose the weight, its Hell having no appetite or desire for food and to continue to be this big for no reason. My weight gain is not from an overeating issue, emotional issues or binging. I have another debilitating condition and with weight loss, I will be able to workout minimally and eating less will be now good for me. Plus hoping to get pregnant and learning to eat better is another plus that had escaped me as a young adult. I'm learning more everyday from you all!!

No regrets. I've been dieting all my damn life. Lost the weight, gained it back...Ground Hog Day. As I got older it was harder to get it off, and when I crossed the 200lb threshold I developed sleep apnea and high blood pressure. I tried for another 5 yrs to get my weight under control. Sleep deprived and depressed, I weighed 220 when I finally made the decision for surgery. I'm down to 196lbs in since 1/8/13. I'm religious about following my doctors instructions and having good results. Not hungry AT ALL. It was the right choice me, you have to decide if it's the right thing for you. I did have a few fleeting moments of doubt, before the surgery - but not after.

I truly can’t pin point one thing, but growing up as a child, it was any & everything for me: sweets (ice cream/cake), carbs (bread/potatoes) & soda (the infamous Mountain Dew & root beer) my weight gain began as a very young child, my family didn’t have a lot, but we always had food. And cheap food was/is the worst food. Our Friday’s/Saturday’s were always for eating out for dinner & looked forward to my happy meal’s. I don’t blame my parents really because they did what they had to do. I blame myself as a young adult because I could have changed my mindset

I am hoping the band helps and so far so good. I physically cannot over eat like I did in the past. I have been diagnosed bi-polar but haven't touched my medication in a long time. I have too many health related prescriptions that are hard enough to keep track of. Depression makes it that much worse. It's like I have an excuse to say screw it. I refuse to let even the smallest weight gain get me depressed because that may trigger reverting back to emotional eating.

Hi All, Well, today I had my SIXTH fill, and I am now at 3.5--the most fill any of my Dr.'s patients has. I am 9 months out and have only lost 30 pounds. I asked Dr. K about the fact that most people lose the majority of their weight the first year, and didn't that make me a failure??? She was very kind and encouraging. I have to explain here that I am in the process of switching antidepressants (MENOPAUSE!!) because Prozac has a weight gain side effect. Right now I am weaned down to NONE for a week before I start the new ones, so I am sure that plays into this. At any rate, I then went with the dietician to have a resting metabolic rate test which was a whopping 1800+ (I have been hypothyroid since I was 19???) and in a very chastising way she said to me, "You know Sultana, most patients lose the majority of their weight the first year". Now I am crying and feeling like it is a lost cause and that I am a failure. I explained to her that I exercise, eat Protein first, don't drink until 2 hours after eating, never drink hi cal liquids, etc. All my previous fill was still there today, I just think I am a freak and need lots more fill than some others. Do you think this long fill process has made me miss my "window of opportunity"? I hated being so emotional today (I am really quite analytical by nature), but I am so frustrated and feel like such a .....NON loser. Thanks for reading this. I feel better just having typed it out.

Good evening all, im new here and not sure i posted in the right place but figured id give it a go, I really need some 'spousal support' here....im the fiance to be exact, however. I apOlogize in advance, as this will be long...My fiance had sleeve in November 2014, though I am extremely proud of him, as he is doing amazing and recovery went smoothly and all, despite him being down 92 pounds already, im having a lot of struggles and the pre and post-op stuff and its really effecting our relationship when it arises. When were good, were solid, when were bad, im more depressed than ever. To sum up the timeline; he struggled with the decision for surgery for about 2.5 yrs or so, basically since I had met him. Obviously his weight was no issue for me, ive struggled with my weight all of my life, as well. In fact, ive always been attracted to husky guys but he was the largest man i ever dated and i fell completely in love! I fell in love with him as a big man and love him regardless, its the changes and obsessions im concerned about (i'll get to that). Prior to his decision, we talked a lot about it and though i always told him if he chose to do so, id spport him, i was against it solely because in the time ive been with him, hes never seen anything through when it came to his weight, even though hed see great results! Prior to me meeting him, he did a medical weight loss program consisting mainly of shakes and lost about 110lbs, but gained it all back once he came off the shakes, coupled with some depression from a breakup and such. Post us meeting, i was about 25lbs smaller than i am now, which obviously bothers me, but again a struggle all my life...i was still however going to the gym, eating right, following tools from weight watchers etc. After some time of us being together, he would speak of wanting to lose weight, we talked about how having a buddy is helpful, etc, so id invite him to the gym with me, invite him to weight watcher meetings, etc. he would never come, so after a few weeks i figured he really wasnt into it and i stopped inviting. After some time, our relationship got more serious, i stopped getting to the gym as much bc wed want to spend more time togeher but that also equalled us going out to dinner more, staying in, being less active, etc. hence the start of my 25lb weight gain and him gaining more as well. With all of that being said.....he met with a surgeon in August/September and HE made a decision to have the surgery. He never spoke to me about it, as he had in the past, and when hed mention it wed fight bc id remind him that ill support it but i was worried he was having surgery and wished he would have at least talked to me before making the devision, and/or TRIED something first and seen it through;, tried the medical program again, a support type program like WW etc as he had previously done them and saw results but never saw them thru. I had reminded him i had gained weight since we met and i had begun working on that, maybe it was something we can try to do together before he decided on surgery. Initally he said no, then suddenly came home (he moved in with me in August, as well) one day and informed me he had joined weight watchers and was going to go to a group that week....i told him that was great and immediately took out all the materials i had previously gotten from family members that we could use (with the hope hed eventually want to try this route with me), picked up my food scale from my parents home, support guides, calculators, etc. and let him know i was all in for us to do it together. In addition, since we were now living together, i again began inviting him to the gym with me...nothing came of the gym or ww. After some time, little fights here and there about food, him effecting my eating habits, preventing me from going to the gym (id say i want to go after work, hed plan an activity or wanna go out to dinner, etc) and basically him binging all the time since he had made his decision, and my concerns for his health. Shortly thereafter again he returned home this time having went through with a new surgeon and now awaiting a surgery date. I was beyond devestated and angry! I felt he completely disregarded my concerns he knew of for him having this and even though i disagreed, its like he refused to even let me be part of his decision meanwhile i felt here i am trying to encourage you, in a different capacity, but encourage none the less BEFORE jumping to surgery. Not to mention, we now share bills but I was covering them all for about 4 months, as he is in debt and im not and i told him being i own my apartment and its my mortgage id carry that until were married and give him 3 mos before hed start paying his portion of monthly bills for the home,so he can try to pay off more debt first...he couldnt save money to pay help pay OUR bills but here he was setting up to have another bill for surgery, while were still paying off his eye surgery, student loan, car, etc in the midst of me carrying all of the household bills, saving for a wedding, etc and he makes significantly more money than me. Maybe financially this wasnt the time but we never even talked about it in definitive means, at all. Dont get me wrong, ive told him time and time agan, his weight was never an issue for me, but his health absolutely was! He is 30 yrs old with diabetes in his family and already on meds for high blood pressure. I digress....he chose the gastric sleeve and though i still disagreed with surgery, did feel it was his best option, which helped me a little...pre-op he was on a liquid diet for 2 weeks and lost 27lbs. I prepared everything for him, spent hours after work at night reading all of the materials from the doctors, etc. we'd fight, but moreover now bc i felt he didnt ask the doctor pertinent information, he rushed into a decision, hes gullable to begin with and i felt like he never told me anything unless i asked....i never even knew when his appointments were for all the pre testing! So, i joined an online forum and read endless at work, at home, when i couldnt sleep, etc. though i spoke to him about all of my concerns, he only seems to focus on my concern of him eventually no longer being attracted to me once hes skinny and feeling different about himself, since im not skinny and currently larger than when we met (minus 10lbs ive recently lost...im 5'0 170lbs, not huge but thick))...he doesnt seem to hear that one concern is more deep rooted and doesnt directly correlate to his surgery, but moreover some changes in him ive seen since he moved in with me and since he made a decision to have the surgery. Regardless, he believes what he will despite how i try to argue what my actual feeling/thought is. November came, i broke down the night before his surgery about not wanting him to go in, afraid he hasnt thought his through, wont wake up, wanted a quick fix, etc. His surgery thankfully went great, as did his recovery and he is now down 92lbs since November....i am extremely proud of him and think he looks great! Here are my concerns, one he has become obsessed with weighing himself daily. His attitude towards me has seemed to change completely as if i have no opinion on anything esp his new journey but it pours into household decisions, wedding plans, etc. he asks me my thoughts/feelings but then argues when im honest or he walks away. he cannot go a single day without mentioning how skinny he looks, his surgery, etc. im running out of responses wuthout being robotic or sarcastic. We walk in a store, he sees a mirror and stops or disengages bc hes looking at himself. we have countless convos about his food choices and when i try to make him realize portion control and helathier decisions is focus, not restriction he argues with me and we get in a huge fight, but when he eats something he considers bad or off diet (a food hes restricted or whatnot), he justifies it. He eats much of the same stuff and ive told him im concerned hell get bored and binge, hell argue me, then last week is complainiing hes bored of his food. He already obviously eats small portions and was up to about 6oz per sitting however went to the doctor today and because hes ahead of the game in his recovery, the doctor wants him to restrict more food and eat smaller portions yet intially told him kt was okay to increase if he felt hungry, but not if he felt satisfied. He is a big boned guy, built like a football player and very broad. I have grave conerns the his surgeon has convinced him to get to this magic number of 230lbs and not only do i think it is unhealthy but i also think hell be way too small. Not to mention, my fiances magic number went from 250 to now 220! I try to let him know theres no magic number, so long as he is happy, healthy and maintains his improvements in choices and such, its about him being comfortable, healthy and hapoy with himself, not a number on a chart! he argues me. Its like i cannot have an opinion on anything when it comes to this....every step of the way i feel he shuns me out, disregards my concerns etc. theres days i think he thinks i dont want him to be successful but its moreover i dont want him to be excessive and put weight back on, as he has time and time again, he has a trainer now, for 2 months after being cleared there was an issue with his training sessions, i told him lets still go to the gym together. He wouldnt, he relied on waiting on the trainer. He claimed hed go to the gym 6 days a week, i encourgaed him to start with 2-3 days and work to more or slowly Increase to keep himself with a goal thats attainable and maintable over time, fights break out. But yet he only goes to tge gym 2 maybe 3 times a week. Now, when we have days off together, we go to the gym together, he works with the trainer i dont, as we couldnt afford the trainer to begin with for one of us, let alone 2, so i told him he can do it. But i ask him to teach me things hes learning from the trainer or ask about stuff i can do (they know he comes to sessions with his fiance) and its like he purposely never wants to share with me. Many times, he makes comments like 'have that cookie for me', 'have some pizza for me'....its like he wants me to gain as he loses, sabotage me butne remains successful meanwhile he knows i struggle with weight loss to begin with, too. I tried to talk to him tonight, after he told me his doc wants him eating less and another fight broke out....he tells me 'its my freakin body' after i explained to him i was upset bc i feel like he asks why im upset but doesnt want to hear it and im upset bc im worried hes not necessarily being healthy if hes eating even less, considering he doesnt eat much because of the surgery. I tried telling bim that i understand its coming from a doctor but it also seems the doctor has an ideal weight for you that may not be individualized for you. He yelled at me and walked away. In the past ive tried explaining to him, at my smallest i was 19lbs above the american standard, but i looked sick and my family was ready to admit me for an eating disorder. Ive tried telling him that in my opinion, the standards do not take into consideration someones body type and how they carry their weight, its just a mathematical number. Ive told him that i really wish hed not focus on this magic number and focus on making healthy decisions and being active and how great i think he looks now, down almost 100lbs. He always starts a fight about it. Im beyond spent! I go to his support groups, when i can get there on time since its a 2-hour commute for me, from work....im one of the only people there as a support and they offer the support/spouses no support....so i go for him but i feel i have nowhere to take out my frustrations or talk about them. I truly believe in talking about things, or even fighting so long as theres resolution, being able to get things out rather than let things build up but he walks away from me.....when it comes to family and friends, i dont talk to them because i feel its 1- unfair to divulge his/our personal business and 2- unfair to let them know these struggles and how its effecting US because were engaged and i dont want anyone discouraging his weight loss or swaying us to rethink our marriage because of it. I absluetly feel we can work it out but im lost for what to do. I feel like i have nowhere to go, he wont talk to me or hear my concerns, he wont ask his doctors about my concerns just acts like their word is gold....so when he asks me why im upset and i try to tell him and it causes a fight, i later let him know you ask me but dont want to hear anything from me, you only seem truly concerned about what your doctor says and a degree doesnt make him anymore important than me. I tried telling him today, im not angry but what hurts and bothers me is he doesnt seem to care when he asks me, he asks to say he asked. Next to all of this, prior to him deciding on his surgery and having it, i began eating better and getting back to the gym. I suffer from a thyroid disease and ceased metabolism, and therfor struggle like crazy to lose weight and tone up. But of course, i easily gain. Regardless, i didnt have surgery so my weight loss will be muuuuuuch slower than his. He has never seemed to support me with losing weight and toning, but is quick to critisize my gym routine (i usually go 2-4 times a week...before he didnt care, now he contantly tells me i should go more), , i eat too little sometimes or no at all, etc. He knows ive been trying, making better decisions, encouraging him to stay on track etc, he will want to go get forzen yogurt, ill say no, hell convince me, then tell me im such a horrible support for him. He'll 'cheat' at home but in front of friends and family, eats like a bird, as if hes showing off but so far, will always eat later on when we get home! I have a feeling he told his doctor his eating has been worse than it actually has been bc some days hes very hard on himself and some days hes very reasonable and sees this is a process and journey and not every day will be great but it doesnt mean hes failing. I dont think his surgery entails him not eating. It entails him learning moderation and such, at least everything i read and have hard has said so. I shared with him one day MY excitement of how a coworker made a comment about me losing weight and looking 'brighter' and he got mad, telling me he tells me all the time....he has never once told me hes noticed ive lost weight, and ive now lost about 13lbs in total. In fact, its been quite some time since hes seemed to even notice me, period! I can walk past him naked and it doesnt phase him. I can tell him i lost another pound or 2, he barely responds to me. Ive explained these things to him, as well, as more examples of how things between US have changed since he moved in/made this decision and how the decision was going to effect us both but he never thought to include me in it. Our sex life is lacking completely, which again for me has been an issue that both coincide with, along with some 'personal' things i feel hed rather do than be intimate with me. He denies it all, tells me im crazy. Ive flat out asked him if hes cheated or is no longer interested in me or attracted to me, he denies it all and says its just natural changes bc were living together now. I dont disagree with that being partly the reason and i do not think hes cheating or trying to. I just am beyond broken lately and feel i have nowhere to go! I need help.....i dont know how to support something when 1- i disagreed with it being a first option, 2- i feel completly shut out and disregarded, 3- i feel it gets thrown in my face and only adds to criticism towards me, 4- seems to be consuming him and effecting our otherwise strong relationship, etc etc etc. I know this is a novel....i just dont know what to do anymore! Im a therapist and although ive got a lot of tools in my arsenol, i dont have the slightest clue what to do anymore when it comes to this....i feel ive tried everything! Ive been supportive, bitchy, ignored, etc. nothing seems to improve anything and im growing more and more angry, sad, etc Can anyone help, or recommend something? Ohhh and lastly, i dont feel comfortable inquiring about a spousal support group with the surgical team/office he used, since it turns out the PA who performed his surgery with the doctor, is his friends ex-girlfriend....i dont fear shed be unprofessional, as it seems she has been since day one, but i just dont feel 100% comfortable, not to mention its a 2-hour commute for me. Again, i apologize for the length....i hope someone can help or guide me! Thank you all for your time!

Also, my experience with steroids for sciatica were pretty significant weight gain. Did any of you experience that?

@@Proud2BMe No, there are scientific reasons for stalls and weight gain early out from these surgeries. And it's NOT because someone is eating too much or the wrong things, because it's physically impossible at that point. Further out when you can consume a little more? Of course! And no, I'm not the be all of bariatric advice. Not even close. Heck, i'm still a relative newbie. But experience and almost 2 years reading these forums and seeing HUNDREDS of posts about this very phenomenon of weight gain and stalling at the OP's time frame is enough evidence for me. It's okay. I remember thinking I knew it all at 6 months out, too. Just be careful giving advice when you clearly don't know what you're talking about.