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my mother is kind of the same way, she was an alcoholic and was one of the people that as a kid was always giving me food when i was sad or upset. I think she has guilt some over the things that happened in the past. She still has a tendency to push food at me. I hope things can be worked out but sometimes i think we cant change peoples minds. Best of luck and dont give up on your journey. There is def. alot of support here.

My suggestion is not to label your friend as horrible, evil, etc... compassion can remove the hurt and feelings of betrayal. There are a lot of people in the world who bite and lash out due to their own fears. I think of alcoholics and other addicts that lash out, but that is because it is an internal process they haven't yet to come to understand/learn about themselves. Your friend may be one of those people who have some internal issues that they do not understand just yet. Like the aforementioned groups, they can alienate themselves and others in the process of meeting their own fears. Just suggesting that compassion and letting go might be something to consider as you move forward.

I work in an office that definitely likes its alcohol. We even have a conference room with a liquor cabinet. But, I decided that I would avoid alcohol until I get to goal. In addition to the calories in the alcohol, after a drink or two, I like to eat junk-- more calories. I don't miss the drinking nearly as much as I thought I would. When people ask what I am doing to lose weight (I kept my surgery private), I tell them that cutting out alcohol is part of my program. Nobody has batted an eye. My surgeon said no alcohol for 3 months post-op, and I do plan to starting drinking once in a while after I get to goal. I'll figure out my 'rules' for that when I get there.

Exactly 6 weeks post-op I will get on a plane and fly back east to the wedding of two of my best friends. I have not seen this group since last Thanksgiving and I'm totally nervous about this trip. My weight loss isn't dramatic, but we are a party group and my non-partying ways will be noted. I admit to testing my limits with alcohol with this new stomach which I know is a no-no but I made sure to be super active for two days to combat the calories. I knew I would never go back to my partying ways and as 30 looms another year away I made my peace with that. But now... knowing what I'm heading back into.... I wonder how I pull this off. I am not telling anyone about my surgery. My body is my business and they love me regardless so I feel no need. I just worry about how to combine two lifestyles that do not go together at all. Oh and also about making a fool of myself if I have three glasses of wine. The best part is... I have another wedding to go to at the end of August and I get to do this all over again.

I say the same thing!! So many skinny people pick and barely eat now I am with em...I think it makes some feel uneasy but I just have to keep it moving and keep my eye on the prize! Not having alcohol has been so hard but I just keep saying it's not forever just for a year! Small sacrifice for a new and improved me!

I am in the same boat. Three days until surgery. My surgeon’s record is almost perfect. Only one leak in many year doing about 500 per year, never killed anyone. The pre-op liquid diet has made me drop many pounds fast, which makes me think I could do this on my own, but then reality sets in and I know I will over eat. Its just a matter of time. Then I start thinking about all the life style changes I will be committing too. How will I spend my now idle time when food isn’t part of the equation? How do I deal with social interactions without food and beverage? No more alcohol. Ouch On the bright side getting my health back will be great. Everyone in my support group says you get more energy and feel much better fast. As you said a few weeks of struggle and everything should be better. I have to say everyone I have met that has had this surgery has enjoyed the benefits. Each one seems to have their own set of struggles, but they are content with their decision. It comes down to taking a leap of faith. If I make it though the surgery centers doors on Wednesday I will be asking for some pre-op drugs so that I dont turn and run. This is tough and I am scared. .

Welcome Paige - congratulations on your surgery and your decision to take control of your life. I'm a firm believer that a lot of success stories are more about your overall outlook on life and your attitude. I am and always have been a very positive person and that's what I contribute my success to. Every morning when I look in the mirror I congratulate myself for doing the right thing yesterday, I tell myself it wasn't so awful and remind myself I can do it again today. Yesterday morning I had a little head conversation with myself, it was my sons high school graduation and I knew it was going to be an emotional day for me filled with family, friends, food and alcohol. The family and food wasn't the problem, it was going to be the last two items which were my go to things when my emotions were running high. I told myself that if I wanted to see him graduate college I needed to keep to the plan and not give in. I reminded myself that if the emotions got to me I needed to talk with family and friends instead of reaching for a chip, cocktail or sweet. I made sure that I had my water/crystal light cup in my hand at all times so I remembered to get my fluids in. And you know what? Because of all the activity and my "pre-game" talk with myself, I actually woke up today, stepped on the scale and discovered I LOST 2 lbs. So my talk this morning with myself was a big "congrats" and a pat on the back. I'm going to relax today, no exercise (except some yard work) and give myself a break as a reward for my success. If you keep your head straight you'll do fine. Keep busy, talk to your support group/friends/family if you need to and follow your plan you'll do great. Don't ever allow for exceptions because if you do it once, your brain will tell you it's okay to do it again. Before you know it you'll be doing so good you won't want to fail or mess up. Best wishes for a great success and if you need more advise, check in.

Jersey, you gotta be up front with your friends! There is nothing wrong with your procedure and to know is to better understand! I had to tell my friend yesterday at a cook out, I'm not pouring you a alcoholic beverage and you should not ask me to do that knowing I can't drink! You know I would want one! She understood!

My Doctor told me no alcohol/beer till 9 months after :(

Hello, sorry I haven't checked in for ages. Life has got in the way. We moved from Brisbane to the Gold Coast last November and I started a new job. I've been travelling interstate and to NZ regularly and entertaining almost daily. I am very pleased to report that I have not put on any weight and am still down 38kgs. I still want to lose another 3 kilos and know that if I cut out the treats such as alcohol and desserts it would probably come off. I will focus on this at some point, but for now I am enjoying life and still loving shopping for new clothes. I hope everyone is doing well and would appreciate hearing how you are going if you are already at maintenance phase.

I haven't been on here in way too long. I guess a lot of it has to do with shame and guilt with not changing my eating habits over the last year & 8months and drinking WAY too much alcohol after my surgery. My food demons are still very present unfortunately. Surgery weight was 335 & current weight is 220. surgery date was september 27th 2012. I logged in here to ask two questions: 1. In the last 4 days I have lost 9 pounds. the last two days I have had terrible "runs". I cant remember if rapid weight loss caused this? Anyone know? 2. My surgeon strongly discouraged me against the sleeve because all the patient's he had performed the sleeve on, didn't reach their goals. He said I will lose around One Hundred pounds and there it usually ends. He firmly recommended I get the RNY/Gastric Bypass. I started out thinking I wouldn't be one of his statistics but that wasn't the case... On an interesting side note my surgeon continued to do the vertical sleeve for a little over 6 months after I had surgery but then discontinued it and now only performs duodenal switch and RNY. Recently I started on phentermine to get back on track and start over with this never ending food addiction. In addition I made an appointment with a therapist and scheduled an appointment with a hypnotherapist also. Cant hurt right? Back to my point though. Have the majority of you only lost 80 to 120 pounds and still have OVER 30 pounds till you reach the ideal weight on the weight chart?

Danila I'm sorry you have to do all liquid. My surgeon has done over 3000 sleeves and I don't have to do all liquids until after surgery. I'm on low carb (Atkins style - just had an omelet and bacon yumm). I heard from some you tube videos of people that went to this surgeon we actually get a last supper the night before surgery! Anything we want including alcohol. Yea!! Anyone else get a last supper?

170 days after starting my preop diet I am down 78 pounds and officially at my surgeon's goal weight. There really are no words to express what I am feeling. It's a wonderful thing, but also kind of a weird let down. Maybe because I don't know how to celebrate. Celebration always meant food and alcohol. Now what do I do? ( And don't say excercise or go for a walk....or I might have to cyber slap you). I guess what I'm gonna do is go for a couple great horseback rides this weekend, wearing my brand new boots I just got yesterday. I'm sure no one (besides me) is happier and appreciates my weight loss more than my horse!

t's been a long time since you had surgery, so maybe a review of the rules would help. Here's my version of them: Consume 60-80 gm Protein per day and 60-80 oz of Clear liquids per day. Every day. Do not drink anything for at least 30 minutes before a meal or snack. If you forget and do drink, re-set the timer and wait another 30 minutes before you eat. Eat dense protein first at every meal. Eat a very few bites of non-starchy veggie in addition if you have room. Decide how many meals and/or protein Snacks you're going to have per day, and stick to it. Do not eat between meals. Wait at least 30 minutes after every meal or snack before drinking anything. If your mouth gets really dry you could rinse after eating or brush your teeth. I avoid alcohol because I'm concerned it would decrease my ability to resist bad food choices. I follow a very low carb plan rather than counting calories, but that's a personal choice for each of us. Follow the numbered rules at least 90% of the time, and you will succeed. For the other 10%, do not beat yourself up - just get back on the wagon immediately and Sleeve On! Best wishes.

Sweetie I just had surgery with Dr. Alvarez May 12. I totally understand the freak out thing. I cancelled my surgery once, lost $$$ in airfare, then rescheduled 2 months later! I was a nervous mess. I mean nightmares, couldn't eat, freaking out mess!!! I promise you he is an awesome surgeon. I'm a Registered Nurse so I know what can happen, and yes it's terrifying. But the benefits outweigh the risks IF you follow his instructions. You will read horror stories about people with major complications and it will mess up your head believe me. When a person walks out of that hospital, the decision is theirs as to how compliant they want to be. You would be surprised at the stupid people who do not comply with post op instructions. They try to eat a pizza week one, they drink alcohol, take harmful medications, smoke...IF you follow his instructions you will live a healthier happy life, many sizes smaller than you are. The choice is yours really. The outcome is in your control, not Dr. Alvarez's control. I think you should do it. I also think you should stop researching it and stop looking for the bad things. You looked into this for a reason. If you believe in God, then pray about it, make your decision, and have peace. I am so glad I did this surgery with Dr. Alvarez. He is the very best doctor you could choose.

Too early I think! I was allowed a little at 1mo., and he is more relaxed about alcohol than a lot of surgeons.

Most surgeons will say absolutely not. The way alcohol behaves in our system, its often worse than sweets. Making healthy choices is imperative while using the WLS tool. I've nothing against alcohol, except that everyone I know personally from work who have had this surgery, have regained their weight from testing their balance on that slippery slope. They all admit to starting with just a glass here and there. Not saying it cant be done. Just suggesting its not worth playing with fire, if one takes WLS seriously.. in my humble opinion. No disrepect intended for folks with differing opinions.

I was told absolutely not for several reasons. Beer is not good because of the carbonation. Wine and hard liquor can easily irritate the staple line. Also it is very common to replace eating with alcohol consumption post op. It's a dangerous slippery slope.

Is it ok to have a small glass of wine a week post op?

The broth at hotel is very bland. Take some powder mix with you. The hospital cafe broth is delicious. I took several bowls back to hotel. TAKE band aids with you & medical tape for changing your dressings. The tape mi doctor hospital uses is HORRIBLE. Alcohol wipes too are handy.

Just my humble opinion - as someone who was a social drinker for years: Best advice I have seen with regard to this question: 1) Do what your doctor says, and 2) always consider how we phrase things, as it will help how we learn to re-relate to food and our process of reinvention. Whether foods/snacks/treats, alchohol, or anything else, its best to phrase someting along the lines of "want to" verses "half to". Our taste for things (sugar, alchohol, etc.) often changes. Whether or not that holds true, our choices MUST change, else we wouldn't be here. Sometimes personal sacrifice of these things is worth everything, and the difference between absolute and mediocre success, or outright failure. I'm not suggesting someone cant have an occasional drink. I am only suggesting that the success stories I have read and discussed with others, were with people who decided that an overhaul in both food and social choices, and how they related to them, was absolutely necessary. Alcohol, even socially, still has its price. At 20 grand for this surgery, most choose to give up a few social habbits that were not really important anyway. I mean, why not jump into the pool all the way, rather than just wade up to our necks. Just my two cents.

@@Mary Jo Rapini very well said! As a food addict myself I actually now fear family functions because I know that everyone works hard to provide the delicious foods served and even home made from scratch sugary delicacies. I am 41 days sugar free (yes I count them like an alcoholic does, it works for me) but I will have something tomorrow which is when the family is doing the get-together. But I have already planned ahead and told my husband that all I'm allowed to have is anything I want but only about 1" x 1" which equates to probably 3 or so bites. NO MORE! I will also make sure my meal consists of very high Protein so the sugar won't spike in my blood causing the addictive chain reaction. I love this article, I completely understand.

Hi, I'm new to this site an I am scheduled for VGS on June 30th. I am a social drinker and many times attend social events with coworkers after work. How has everyone adjusted to drinking alcohol after surgery? Is it something I will have to completely give up?

The holidays remind us of family get-togethers sharing food, laughter and bonding. If you are a food addict, the holidays may be one big guilt ridden binge. Food addicts think about food and have memories of food too, but they will most likely be linked with memories of hiding food, being punished by withdrawal of food, or being abandoned from loving relationships and using food for comfort. This is one reason the holidays are so stressful for people who struggle with food addictions. The frenzy and excitement brings stress, and food addicts comfort and calm their stress with food. Many people don’t understand the obese person’s journey with food. Nor can they relate to actually being under the influence of the intense food cravings, but ask any alcoholic or drug addict what these cravings feel like, and a food addict will be able to recount a very similar craving. The substance most craved with food addicts is sugar, and anyone who has tried to remove sugar from their diet knows how incredibly difficult that can be. The majority of food addicts have been brought up with another addiction. Maybe their parents were alcoholics, abusive, gamblers, smokers or hoarders. The child learned it was safer to turn to food or some other substance for comfort, because turning to a human for a hug or soothing words was impossible. Many food addicts lose weight to get married, only to find that they don’t have the skills to communicate loneliness, boredom, or anxiety to their partner. They slowly begin to turn to what has helped soothe them in the past, which is food. Before long, communication is compromised in the relationship. There is severe weight gain, which begins a disastrous cycle of withdrawing from sex, and turning to food. Soon the partner isn’t happy and the food addict feels shameful and guilty. These feelings of guilt and shame lock the cycle of turning to food even more securely. Weight loss surgery can help minimize disease and help people become more confident and mobile, but if there is an underlying sugar or food addiction, the weight will be re-gained. Sometimes that is in excess of eighty pounds. How can you help if you are addicted, married or know a food addict during the holidays? The key is to plan now. Realize that your partner or friend has a bigger problem than just eating too much. They need professional help, and they need it now. Find out who is on your plan for insurance and what it allows for help with eating disorders. Begin journaling your intake and talk to your partner about journaling theirs as well. This helps you become a team and to feel supported. Encourage your partner to begin turning to you for comfort or if you are alone, have someone who can accompany you to the party. Stay close to them, and when you feel alone turn to them for conversation or hold their hand. This helps delay your sense of needing food. Help them join a food addiction group, and if they are your partner, go with them if they need your support. There are several in Houston, and “Over Eaters Anonymous” offers a 12-step program for food addicts. Your partner suffers shame and guilt every day. Try to remember this, and be gentle. There is a lot of secrecy in this disorder. If they let you in, respect that. Food addicts are hurt, and we as a society can become part of the problem or part of the solution. Most addicts of food (and other addictions) have an enabler. The enabler complains about the behavior, but also supplies the fix. People who are co-dependent or have a low self-esteem may derive their security from enabling an addict. If you live with a food addict, or you suffer a food addiction, the best thing you can do prior to going to the party or being with friends where a lot of food will be present is to have a plan. Set a time limit for yourself at the party and have someone you are accountable to who helps you stay on track. –Mary Jo Rapini *As with all addictions, interventions only work if the addict wants to heal. Harping, nagging and pleading will be met with resistance to change until the addict is ready to make the change.

Can't really vouch for post band, but I'm a long time low carber and my goal was always 20-30 after subtracting fiber/sugar alcohols (aka net carbs). that was being very strict, tho. Most of my carbs would come from vegetables or quest bars