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I have only told 2 people other than my hubby (of course). The main reason I told these people about my plans is I will need someone to watch my boys when the time comes and I didn't want to throw this on them last minute. I told my sister in law and my mother (my mother told my grandmother, so technically 3 ppl other than hubby). My SIL has had some questions, mostly concerning the fact that I will be doing it in Mexico (she was afraid they would have dirt floors or something ) but once I explained it all (and assured her they had real floors) she has been supportive since. My grandmother hasn't weighed in one way or the other, but my mother is trying to talk me out of it. She seemed like she was going to be supportive at first but today at physical therapy (she had open heart surgery recently) she talked to a nurse who had nothing good to say about WLS and said she should "try to talk me out of it" (my moms words). Now my mom is not being supportive at all. I finally settled on Dr. Aceves and I was telling her about all the things I have read about him, about how everyone every where sings his praises and how I haven't really fond anything negative about him. I even mentioned what I read on here about him teaching American doctors how to do the surgery, and about him being accredited by american organizations. I thought doing so would ease her mind but she seems more unsupportive of the surgery in general not just about going to Mexico. I have given her all the information I have to give. I am going to need her help and support to get through this and if she doesn't come back around.... I don't know what I will do. I tried to explain it in a way I thought she would understand. She has diabetes, heart disease, high BP, sleep apnea, etc. I have borderline cholesterol and BP, the heavier I get the worse and more frequently I get palpitations and there is a possibility I may have sleep apnea but I have never been tested but I have alot of the symptoms. My father also has diabetes, high BP and sleep apnea. I explained that I am trying to prevent all the things she has gone through BEFORE they become very real and present dangers. I explained that I have done alot of research and feel that WLS is my way out of the life she has had to live. I reminded her of all the diets and pills and overkill workouts I have done only to lose a few pounds then turn around and gain it all back then some. She asked me why not try WW and I said "Why? It will only delay the inevitable! People lose weight from WW, yes, but you constantly hear about people who gained every bit of it back. Why put myself through the hell of yet another failed attempt then end up getting the surgery anyway?" None of the above made her anymore supportive She knows me! She KNOWS I don't dive into things head first without looking first. She KNOWS I do my homework on any big decision. Why can't she just trust that, trust ME, instead of some random nurse she came across. Because she is a nurse? HELLO!!?? Nursing student here!!! What can I do to bring her around? If I can't bring her around how do I deal with the fact that one of the most important people in my life is against this?

I told the people I work closely with as soon as I received a surgery date. I was out of work for 3 1/2 weeks and they needed to pick up the slack in my absense. I am an open person and it would have been very difficult to just tell them I was going out on medical leave. They would have assumed the absolute worst and I didn't want to cause them any concern. When I first came back after surgery I looked pretty haggard. I am sure that some people who didn't know I had WLS assumed the worst. I think the word spread and now everyone knows. I get a lot of comments and words of support. Some people ask questions because they are interested in the surgery either for themselves or for a family member. No one has said anything negative or unsupportive at all, at least not to my face! One interesting thing is that I did not tell my extended family I was having surgery (aunts, cousins, etc.). After surgery many of my work "friends" wrote messages of support to my Facebook page. It was pretty apparent that I had had surgery and was home recovering. My relatives all came out of the woodwork asking what was wrong and did I need help. I felt kinda bad that I hadn't told them before but I really had no opportunity to do so. I think the decision whether to tell your co-workers or not is an individual one. I work in an environment where we are generally pretty open with what is happening in our personal lives and it would have been more difficult not to tell than to tell.

Well, today I went for my pre-op testing and all is good to go. This is my first blog and I'm a little rusty. I'm scheduled to be banded on 7/26 and getting pretty excited. I just hope the insurance company doesn't hold it up for any reason. I have definitely been feeling stressed recently, not because of the surgery but more because of my family's reaction to the surgery. I expected them to be skeptical but my sister is being downright nasty and unsupportive and has basically told me never to bring it up again to her. So.... I wonder, do I tell anyone else or am I better off keeping it to myself? I'm afraid that if this is how my family is reacting how will my friends and co-workers act? I definitely need support but I don't want the added stress..

I'm glad you have all us "meanies" figured out in the short month you've been apart of this "unsupportive" community. Your post clearly shows you know NOTHING about the VSG family and the tremendous support (and sometimes tough to swallow truths) given here. And thanks for pointing Tamz to your "other" site where the people are more "informed" and "loving." That you care not to mention.

While most of us will think of your roommate as bitchy, jealous, and unsupportive, she is correct. It depends on how she said it I guess. But at any rate, it is a good idea to look into therapy, a support group, or just some soul searching and self realization if you can't do therapy for insurance or $ reasons. Do some reading on self esteem and self worth. You can find a lot online. But this journey is definitely an emotional, mental, and physical one. I am hoping by working on all of it, that it will decrease my chances of weight regain later.

the other day my dad called me skinny minnie! (me!!!! wow) it was nice to hear that from him and i've only lost 17 pounds so far. i wish my mom would take a hint from him and start to be supportive. it hurts to not have my mother NOT support me on this. i mean as a little girl you always want your mommies approval, but i guess i should put my big girl panties on and suck it up. i've decided not to even discuss my weight loss with her. i mean people at work who see me everyday have noticied and she sees me for the first time in 6 months(even though i was just banded a month ago) and says NOTHING!! when i tell her i've lost 17 pounds her response was well your dad has lost 20 pounds and you can really see his, but yours is gonna take a while!!!! WTH!! i just got off the phone with her. Anyone else dealing with an unsupportive loved one. UGH!

Ok, I have to vent a little then I am going to get over this. This weekend I went on a river float trip with two of my friends from work. One is a doc in the ER with me and another is a nurse, also from the ER. They both know about my surgery and since it has been almost a year since I had it done, it seems like it should be a non-issue. Maybe it was just me, but all weekend seemed to be full of these little comments from them...."is that all you are going to eat?" "oh, I suppose you are full already", "you pick where we are going to eat, you are the one with restrictions" Mostly, I tried to just ignore them, but it really SUCKED! On the way home, we were talking about where to stop for lunch. I asked if either of them had tried a place called Noodles & Co (new to our area) then I told them that my son and I had eaten there and it was really good. I also said that they had really big portions, meaning that you get alot for your money. My friend said "to you EVERYTHING is a big portion" I just stopped talking at that point and wanted to go home. They are my friends, and I know that they really don't want to hurt my feelings, but it makes me not want to go out to eat with anyone because I am worried about what they will say or think about what I am eating and THAT is where I was before I had my surgery. I am going on a 9 day vacation with both of them in September, I think I am going to have to have a frank discussion with them about this before then or it will be a miserable trip. Ok - enough of the pity party. When I look at the big picture, its all good. I am so happy with my sleeve and my new life. Just had to vent a little to people that I knew would understand - now I feel better lol

So I live with one of my coworkers - had reservations about it, but it was just the best option financially as we we're both mid-twenties and not "settled down." I didn't tell her or anyone else that I was planning to get surgery, just said I was going on vacation to Mexico. Explained away my pre-op diet by saying I wanted to lose some pounds before going. Unfortunately, there's a lot of crossover between my job and my social life, and it got really hard having to avoid situations with food and alcohol, worrying that everyone wondered what was wrong. Also I did have to tell my roommate after getting back, and I felt guilty thinking that she'd have to lie if anyone asked her what was up with me. It's a tiny office and yesterday our boss was out, so I decided to tell my supervisor. I say "supervisor" but she's only a few years older than me and we hang out socially, so it's really just a title. Anyway, I tried to bravely tell the story with a smile on my face, and was all ready to explain how I didn't mean to be secretive, just needed some time to get used to things before I started telling people. I never even got the chance - she blew through a few judgmental questions ("Did you go to a really reputable clinic or something?" Ummm, NO, I just had it done in a rusty van behind a 7-11! I mean what kind of question is that?!) and then insisted that the reason I was tired at the end of the day was not that I'm recovering from surgery but that I'm starving myself and not getting enough nutrients. When I tried to explain that I actually have seen a nutritionist and there are plenty of ways to make sure I stay healthy, she just ignored it. On top on it, my roommate starting piping in saying she'd "never seen me eat anything" since I got back. I've had Jell-o, Protein shakes, Soups, yogurt, etc. all in front of her!!!!! It was so unsupportive and just ended up feeling like a humiliating ambush. I didn't even get a chance to finish before they just changed the subject and I pretty much just slunk away. I already forgive them - they haven't done the research I have and I can't expect them to understand. It just made me feel awful, and now they will go and tell people what a "crazy" thing I did. I never should have said anything, it wasn't their business to begin with. It's just really hard to keep up a lie, and I thought I'd be saving myself trouble. Might I add that I got this lecture while they sat there drinking soda and stuffing their faces with brownies! Like that's so "healthy and nutritious"!!!!

Oh my goodness Valentina!! I am soooo sorry that you had that experience. I am not telling my extended family about the surgery at all. If they as when they visit a week later, I am telling them I had a hernia repair. They are the most unsupportive judgemental people I know

I agree with this 100%. It is not "unsupportive" for them to live as they have always lived. It is unsupportive/unfair for us to expect them to take on OUR issues and make them responsible somehow for our success. It is not only unfair to them but unfair to ourselves! The minute someone else's actions are given as a reason for our ability to be successful or not, we have taken away our own power and made ourselves a victim. It is a falsehood we have to learn to change our thinking on. You can talk to him about it and ask him not to eat in the car or whatever, but it needs to be done from a standpoint of a request rather than an accusation. And if they can't/won't accomodate you, then you do the driving from now on and you get up and leave the room or even the house. Don't give your power away. Take charge of your own destiny.

While husband didn't say anything negative about my surgery, he freaking buys fast food all the time and eats it right in front of me. He's NEVER been overweight (although I'd love to see what his LDL levels are). I think this is majorly unsupportive... Since the surgery he's been in the car with me and purchased fast food and eaten right in front o me. He could buy food, or I could cook something but he doesn't like what I like. So if I make something then he'll just complain. * sigh* Am I wrong to feel this way or am I just being a spoiled brat?

I'm really sorry you feel unsupported - is it possible he is just scared for you and doesn't know how to express that - i guess by now you have had your surgery - i hope it went well and you are recovering - i also hope that you and your husband have talked it all out and all its good - hang in there

I'm not a therapist, but I think that he's gone way beyond "subconscious". What the h*ll does he think he is doing???? Maybe it's time for some direct and honest questions and ANSWERS. My SO is clinically depressed, but even so that does not give him the right to be sooo unfeeling and unsupportive to the point of being cruel. We had a "lively" Q & A last night. That is the reason I didn't get back to you last night. The "air" is much clearer around here this morning I live way up here in upstate NY, but for whatever it's worth--you have MY support. Please, keep in touch. I care. Valentina ....

So many people have chimed in and I don't have much to add except I never considered bypass surgery. That was way beyond my comfort zone. VSG just seemed like the best available alternative from the get go (I did research lap band for a while but there were too many "band to sleeve" stories for me to think it was a good idea). But I had a funny exchange with a lady from work who's doesn't like my choice in surgery. "But Dawn", she said "the stomach is a vital organ!". And I just laughed and said "Actually you can live without your stomach entirely". She replied "Yes, but it's important to the digestive system" and I said "I agree, that's why I'm not doing a bypass". She was funny. Every point she came up with I was like "yes I know, that's the whole point". She's not unsupportive, she's just concerned. But I actually like having these discussions with people because it reinforces, in my mind, that I've thought of all the possibilites and weighed all the options and considered all the factors. because for a decision this important, you really do need to know what you're talking about.

it's amazing how people who are close to us can be the most unsupportive. i'm having the surgery.. i'm not planning on telling my parents. my sisters know i want surgery but won't tell them where i'm going (i'm heading across the border..lol). my best friend is very much against the surgery cause i'm taking "the easy way out".

like most obese people i have tried multiple diets and have lost weight (i lost 70 pounds doing calorie count and exercise). like everyone said i can lose the weight (miserable) but can't maintain it. i'm not telling my parents i'm having surgery (they would never understand it and i can't deal with that stress). since i only see them a few times a year it shouldn't be an issue (i need to find a way to not have to worry when they see how little i eat). my "best friend" is totally unsupportive of me having the surgery. she's not big. she saw me when i was doing the calorie count and felt that since i did it before i should do it again. the issue is: it's hard stayin hungry for months and months (especially when the skinny friends are eating anything and everything they want). i was also younger back then, different metabolism. i lost 25 pounds in a month (for insurance purposes) by doing adipex, very low carb, low calorie diet (again i was miserable but i had a goal) but once i stop the adipex and start eating "normal" again i remember why i want this surgery. it's not an easy way out. i need that extra support if i want a donut i can have one and be full/satisfy and not resort to eating 3 or 4 because i can.

I understand how hard it is to have an unsupportive spouse! I have one myself, except that mine had a gastric bypass 5 years ago and actually talked me into the surgery. I chose the sleeve over the gastric bypass and he thinks I made a huge mistake. So, I understand what you are going through, but on a different level. By far, this has been the best decision I have ever made and I stuck to it regardless of what my family thought or said. I had little support before and now, they are all amazed at my progress. I am only 7 weeks post-op, but I feel 100% better! Sometimes our loved ones fear change and don't want their simple lives to be affected. You need to do this for yourself because you are important and your health is important. Your wife will come around once she sees that you will be fine! Don't be afraid to make the journey alone, if you have to. There are so many people on here that will support you no matter what! Best wishes and keep your chin up! Your wife knows that you love her and hopefully, she will come around and become supportive of your decision!!

LESS THAN 12 Hours for my surgery! I cant think of any suitable words to say it or express it! But this boars should take an award soon!! and it will have to be the very first resort for anyone who is looking for real support! What I love about it here? Is people still comes back! even at their goal.. They update their status as if they are updating their fb! "Yeah I was a freak and watched it closely" I will be sure to recommend it to anyone who is considering the sleeve! It is really safe.. at OH I had to stop posting cause spam emails started stocking my inbox.. I NEVER found one rude/mean/unsupportive response here! It is crazy but it is absolutely perfect! I love u guys! you have done magical mental help for me.. u have no idea:) That being said:) I have stayed good with myself for the past weeks.. yeah I had 2 or 3 bad food.. but I didnt gain! I actually lost 2 pounds! which is really awesome with my band:) Today ofcourse "the inner devil inside of me" shouted .. u should have the infamous "Last supper" I dont wanna cause u any pain but I did have my cake and ate it too! but didnt go so far.. the band is still working:) My worst nightmare! I couldnt give up smoking.. " we dont have a policy of cancelling the surgery in case u smoked" and I wish we did... so hopefully I will stop abusing myself afterwards and give it up soon! after my surgery if I did make it :S Fear, anxiety and freaking out is still there.. but all I have to do is go back to my last topic and read ur relieving posts! I am not worrying about my food intae afterwards or that I Will deal with issues of not having so much food .. cause I had a well practice with my band... my ONLY fear is not losing. I am staying on and off the board until midnight .. and then I will try to get some sleep .. so my last request, PRAY FOR ME! and keep me in your good thoughts:) Thanks! and seeya on other section of this board! although I will still come to this section to contribute! but I guess no new topics for me here!! XOXOX

A friend of mine her husband was unsupportive he was so use to her being overweight he felt threatened that she would find someone else after weight loss. After her surgery they were just fine though she has shown him that she doesn't want anyone else and he is happy with her results. My husband has been supportive since I first discussed getting the band with him. I'm insecure about how I look and he's looking forward to the day were I feel happy and good about myself because for song long I've hate everything about the excess weight. GL with everything wish you and your husband all the best

I don't know the answers to your questions as I haven't been sleeved yet. But I'm so sorry your hubby is being so unsupportive. This group has been a huge source of support for me so far. We're all here if you need us.

If at all possible switch doctors, I would personally hate to do this but if my doc was unsupported it would be adios amigo, I'm outta here. If you could find a willing doctor and your insurance allows it try to get into another doctor just concerning this issue, get the approval and use your normal doc for everything else.

My doctor had said once a week.. I have a sublingual liquid... pretty sure, i'd have to dig up the book. Vicky aww I'm sorry that happened. I've told everyone. I mean I don't like broadcast it at every meal. But nobody has been unsupportive or anything, or made comments about what I eat... I think it's good, because they all know so they will be looking at me, and there for rooting for me to succeed. Also I have a lot of family members and friends that are overweight, and I know they all want to know how I'm doing, to inspire themselves to get on track.

I have kept it a secret that I am having surgery this Thurs. except for my DH and a very few friends (3). The rest of my family does not know, they would not be supportive at all. They do not know until now that is. One of my friends that knows it is a secret posted "sending you prayers and good wishes for your surg and a quick recovery" UUUUUUrrrgh. How have others delt with unsupportive family. Thanks

Well I have gone to my PCP all my life -well at least that office all my life...and he is very UNsupportive of any type of weight loss tools EXCEPT diet and exercise. About a month back when I went in to get a copy of some of my records I made an appointment to talk with him...and he told me instead of writing a letter in support of my VSG - he was going to give me a diet to try. I told him I had been given that diet twice before and it never worked. He said "Try AGAIN!" SO I found a new PCP!!!! She is great! Wants me to try a month of Adipex - but the greatest news is I just found out I DON'T NEED A LETTER from my PCP. My surgery is scheduled for June 20th and I think I may write a letter to my old PCP explaining why I left and that I just needed SUPPORT! I don't know...My point is: You will want your PCP "on-board" so in the future you have someone who respects and understands your decision. tell her! then see if you need to find a new PCP!

Janet, spring break is the Week of April 4th, but I am working full time at the nursery that week, so I may get a couple days off. Well I'm in deep doggy doo because of yesterday, here is the sad part, I don't care. I'm tired, I'm grouchy, and I'm feeling sorry for myself. So I'm sure that there was a hidden desire to make myself more miserable about myself so I did what I did. Oh well, it is done and over, and I will be silent from now on. Just frustrated, I would like to see the silver lining, but all I see are the clouds right now. Yes, I'm taking my meds, it is just that time of year. I'll get over it. I have a wedding to go to this weekend if I can get the day off. One of Alexa's classmates, and all I can think about is Elyse's situation. Why can't she get it together. Anyway I gave her a bit of an ultimatum, I told her that I can't be supportive of her when I see that she doesn't demand respect from the boyfriend. and that if she wants respect she will tell him to get a job and find a place for them to live that they can afford. AND she needed to move out by this weekend if she was going to stand up for herself. So since she hasn't done that I guess she is willing to be treated the way she is and I can't deal with it. So I am basically stepping out of her life. Her choice, but I can't watch her any more in this situation. It really isn't about her being pregnant. It is about expecting to be treated decently. She honestly couldn't say to me that she deserves to be treated right. So I am now a member of an unloving unsupportive family...if you read her facebook page.