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Unfortunately there are many unsupportive people out there- some because they are afraid, some because they don't like change, some because they are jealous. I created a small inner circle of support along with online support.and a support group. YOU have to be very confident in your decision. You can be strong for yourself- keep a journal so you can see how much you have changed and learned. But, there will be challenges. I am only 3 wks out- (I did a pre-op diet for over 5 mos) and I feel much better and I am much happier. I do not feel constantly hungry and I do not feel the compulsion to eat. Remember, the surgery does not solve any other problems other than your weight. However, if your weight is down, and you feel better, it is easier to deal with the other problems.(and people). Good Luck!

My husband was initially unsupportive as well. But, I persevered and went to the seminar, picked the sleeve surgery based on my research, was approved in 2 weeks. I prayed about it a lot and eventually my Husband came around. I know now that he was scared for me. He has become my biggest supporter and I can't imagine doing this without him. I had diabetes, high cholesterol, high tryglycerides and rheumatoid arthritis at 40 years old. In the 3months since my surgery, I have lost 45 pounds, my glucose is normal, my blood pressure is normal, my tryglycerides are normal and my cholesterol is within 3 points of being normal. I feel better than I have in a long time. I am so happy I had the surgery. I am losing a bit slower than some but I know that everyone's body is different. i am still adjusting to new eating habits, exercise and more. But, I know I am on the right path. I failed over & over on diets and my doctor said only 2% of dieters keep the weight off without surgery. Its a vicious yo yo syndrome. i am glad to be off of that.

I was a part of the forum in question. I know I sent some encouraging words and some straight advice "Just get thru the next 4 days, you really have no choice at this point. This journey will not be easy, but it will be worth it. This stage is only temporary. Short term scarifice, long term gain. " I think that the forum had some people that were concerned about the way trhe person that posted it came across. She was very upset that she was on liquids 10 days out and was saying to anyone that read her topic, that you should not do the surgery, its not worth it, she regrets it 100% etc. I think everyone wanted top give her some advice and do damage control at the same time. She was frustrated, and hit a brick wall in her recovery. I don't think anyone was "cutting her down", just giving tough LOVE. Sometimes we need a kick in the pants to get us up and going, instead of wallowing in our own pitty and misery. I LOVE VST. I am so grateful to everyone on here, giving me words of encouragement and advice. .....although NOONE has OFFICIALLY welcomed me to the looser's bench... Am I going to post a tpoic saying noone cares and noone should come to this site because its unsupportive..ABSOLUTLEY NOT! Everyone is here like a family and sometimes family does get on each other's nerves...but it's all in LOVE for each other.

I'm saddened to hear that unsupportive communication is going on anywhere in this forum. I haven't been part of it but I'm sure that it happens from time to time. I've been a member of countless numbers of online communities over the last 15 years or so and I've seen all sorts of behavior. I agree that sometimes it can get really mean and cruel. Personally I've only encountered positive warmth here at this forum, but italianlady13 gives us a good reminder that there's a human behind every screen name here, and we're all struggling with our own weight loss challenges.

Oh hell guys. My Mom bought these for me and they are unsupportive as a mofo. They are like a really flimsy sports bra. Stay away!

You just keep on trucking, LoserMama!! You're already losing and doing great! Sometimes our relatives don't mean to be unsupportive, in a weird way it might be their way of showing love. But I get it, I know what you mean. My mom has been my biggest cheerleader, but sometimes she says things I have to let roll down my back. And its not her being unsupportive, it's just that she simply does not know about living overweight, and not that informed about wls like we are. You just wait until your family sees all your progress post op. I bet they will be overjoyed to see how happy you are. Sounds like you are more than ready! Good luck and blessings to you!

Hey Rain... I'm also a teacher.. I hope to be sleeved during my Christmas break, but I won't be returning to school until Feb 1st.. I've told my admins and a few friends at work.. I was very reluctant to tell my Mom, who found out from one of my 6 sisters!!! So, I went home to MS for Thanksgiving and we all sat down after dinner and talked.. I decided to have surgery because I'm beginning to "feel" my weight and my body is letting me know that I'm over 350 lbs!!! I hurt my back some years ago and I've managed it well until recently when a bout of pneumonia forced me to be on bed rest for some weeks... The one person who had a major issue was an overweight friend of mine who ranted and raved about I just needed to work out and get a plan.. I was in tears because I felt that she of all people should understand how it is to be trapped in a body that seems like it doesn't belong to you.. It's like being in prison!!! But she was so unsupportive and rude!! Later I figured out why.. she doesn't want to be the lone "fat" girl in our group.. She feels that I will change and become a snob or something... Anyway, i told them I was looking for approval or validation of my decision.. I wanted them to know what was going on.. And if they don't agree, that's fine.. it's my body and my life.. They know me.. I'm analytical.. i don't do anything without researching and "counting the cost"... I believe we will be fine!!

Great topic! I struggled with this myself. I told a few people and stopped when I got the first very negative and very unsupportive comment. I don't need that negativity so close to surgery (1/3/12). After surgery I will let people know. I'm not going to perpetuate the beleif that diet and excercise is the simple answer for all people, because unfortunately it was not for me. I needed a special surgery in order to carry my daughter to term and I felt empowered to have the surgery because so many others were so open about it in person and on blogs over the net. As someone mentioned earlier in this thread...it is about paying forward for me. I know the joy that is to finally be a mother after losing 2 baby girls mid pregnancy. I have told so many people about the surgery I had in order to carry my daughter to term...and know of 2 people personally that had the surgery because I was open about it...and I know of many others that have told me online that they are looking into it or having it done because I was open about my expereince. I am looking forward to a positive outcome with my VSG and will pay the knowledge forward asap

I also did not mean to sound unsupportive. We all have our food deamons. I'm was simply trying to explain to you what it's like being on the other side. You then have to decide if hunger and cravings might drive you to eat the wrong things, then purge to then be able to eat the correct things your body needs. Because this is not a cure all. As a matter of fact, I feel hunger far more now then I did when I could eat a large quantity of food. It's just that a couple of bites sedates that hunger. So I think that what I'm asking is: for whatever reason you eat/purge now, can you see yourself hungry and craving something and being able to accept 4 bites as the solution? If you can, then you may be right and this might be your answer. But if you think you would eat 4 bites of that food, become frustrated, purge, eat 4 more bites, then it's going to be the same vicious cycle if you have the same results of this surgery as I have. There are people here who say they have zero hunger and zero cravings. I'm not one of those people and I think I am in the majority. So I just want you to understand this is not a cure all but a tool.. Then, with the explanations of how others feel and how they have reacted, you can decide if you think it's fit for you. It was just my concern that it might not be single solution and that you might want to get counciling to go along with this step.

December I think there was a big problem with your surgeon. I was a self pay as well. Banded in April 2009, list some then regained. In March 2010 my surgeon (who couldn't have been more unsupportive if he tried) told me the band was full and I had failed. He told me to consider bypass which I of course couldn't afford. I went to a new surgeon this month since my insurance now covers weight loss surgery. I was set on getting bypass. He checked Fluid in band and it was nowhere near full!! He added another cc to what was in there and it made all the difference. I actually have restriction now! I would strongly encourage you to get a second opinion. And you are not a failure! You're trying to get healthy. Don't give up please.

I can completely relate to you my best friend in the whole wide wide wide world trys to compete with me lol god bless her I love her to death so I refrain from telling her anything thank god my bf told me to take the high road he thinks my complaints about her are very highschoolish lol after I thought about it I laughed because even then she's tried competing with me copying me I like a bag she trys to get it first but little does she know I got it last month lol she went to a seminar for gastric bypass I went with her but she chickened out she said she'll wait a few yrs to get it since she's on her moms insurance till she's 26 so she's not focused on weight loss surgery mind you that's when I myself was continuously getting denied for my lap band (changed my mind to sleeve) so finally I tell her oh im getting the sleeve she tells me oh that's a little too drastic your doing too much completely unsupportive I didn't care so Oct 17 2011 I got my surgery now she's suddenly happy && proud of me oh && also she made a appointment to see her dr nov 15 to talk to her about getting the sleeve its so annoying to me like none of my other friends ever try to have this silent competition with me ugh im getting mad now thinking about it haha but what are you gonna do right atleast im inspiring her to get healthy one way or thee other sorry for the long post but this topic really hit home to me don't feel bad about your decisions that's so beneficial to aid you to a long healthy life<3

I am out of the 300's....no more 350+ either! I feel TWO-riffic!!! I have been battling a sinus cold...and my feet hurt soooo bad from the plantar Faciitis that I can barely move...but I keep walking the 1 1/2 miles per day and all the other stuff that I do on a daily bases. Timing was great on the sinus cold though...I would rather have it now..than to have it while I am recovering from surgery. Let's see what else am I doing... I have been on the liquid pre-op diet for 13 days now....it really hasn't been that difficult. Here is what I eat every day (or close to it). 4oz 1% milk with a scoop of IsoFlex Protein (Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner) Egg drop soup or other soup stocks Jello Decaf tea and coffee Over 80 oz of water per day That is my new diet! In those 12 days..I have lost 8.8lbs! That is good...but I was hoping for a bigger number! I excercise daily...most of the time it is me walking 1 1/2 miles per day. I can't do cardio because of my AFib..and bad knee. So walking is my friend. I bought the Zumba...but haven't been doing it...why you ask... I have no cordination ...and it frustates me. I will keep trying though. What else.. Surgery is in 10 days! Yes...10 days...next Wednesday! I am so excited for this..I have worked very hard to reach my goal..(being under 300 lbs before surgery) and now that I am there (298.2) I am ready! I don't have any major fears... surgery itself is scary but I have a great team of doctors and my surgeon is the BEST! If I have any concerns it is post-surgery with blood clots...I take coumidin and that is always scary! My pulmonologist is awesome and I know he will take great care of me. Family... oh how I love the support I am getting from everyone. NO ONE is unsupportive in my friends and family circle. I am truly blessed and I know this after ready the post on here. My family has prepared and is waiting patiently for the surgery day too. Well... that is it of now! God bless!

I actually just posted my own topic about this. Two days ago I broke it off with my Fiance because he is not supportive. Unfortunately, you can know your own feelings and motives but you can never really known someone else's. Please consider this situation very thoroughly before pushing it under the rug or pretending that it's not happening. You are looking into this surgery because it is a desire of your heart that probably touches you to the core like it does for the rest of us. IF SOMETHING IS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU IT SHOULD BE IMPORTANT TO HIM AND HE SHOULD BE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT HOW YOU FEEL. IF HE DOESN'T DO THAT OR CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THAT HE IS NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE. Unfortunately sabotage is very real and it usually comes from a significant other. For me, the choice was very obvious. I AM MORE IMPORTANT AND I AM MORE VALUABLE AND I LOVE MYSELF TOO MUCH TO CONTINUE TO BE IN AN UNSUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIP. I know that I may be a bit emotional and bias about this considering my circumstances but please please please think long and hard before letting him sabotage the rest of your life...

Texas Diva, You have just got me a whole lot more excited about my surgery Oct 4th 2011!!! You look AMAZING!!! I am sad to read that you have haters!!! What is wrong with people? I have had a bunch of people at the weight loss clinic tell me to only tell the closest people to me and only the one's I knew would be supportive. I have told my immediate family and my closest friends, as well as a couple other (over weight friends) who I have found out have also had weight loss surgery! I didn't think anyone would be unsupportive, but I also don't want people to associate me as the "weight loss surgery girl". I realized what they meant when I called and told my uncle who lives in CA (I'm in WA). He was very weird about it and made me feel very awkward. Then he started telling me how to diet and what I should be doing to lose weight (as if I haven't tried and am going to cancel the surgery and just do what he says). I realized really fast why they said you can't un-tell people!!! I wish I could take that phone call back and just allow him to be upset with me later for not telling him! I also wish he had asked me questions about the surgery rather than lecture me on diet! Now he knows nothing about whats going on, and is no doubt telling my other CA relatives. He must have had some pent up frustrations because he also lectured me on my mom's health, saying that she is unhealthy. Yeah, she has terminal cancer! I would say that's unhealthy!!! She was obese her adult life like me, but has now lost a lot of weight due to the cancer. I am hoping he will call me soon and at least talk to me about it (I don't want to call him!) I am hoping he told my aunt and she will talk sense into him. We are very close and I would hate for this to drive a wedge between us! WOW, thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing! I guess I really needed to get this off my chest! I look forward to hopefully start looking like a coke bottle soon!!!! I really don't think I will have any haters, but if I do.... They are not worth my time!

Doctors can be bummers My PCP was really unsupportive as well. I would just "smile and nod" and then roll my eyes behind their backs. Get your inspiration from the amazing people on this board who have made their goals and are on their way to meeting them! Prove them wrong! My STAT's aren't far off from yours, I am 5'2" and I was 222 on surgery day. There is no WAY i'm stopping at 190!! Chin up lady, you rock!

I hate the way a lot of people are so supportive of drug addicts and alchoholics yet can't find any support for obese people. Although, if you have never had to deal with a weight problem, why would they ever understand?? food addiction is very real and a constant battle, thing is, I can watch some of my skinny friends eat and eat and eat way more then me and sit around like slugs yet not gain a pound. Obesity is not about being lazy or eating too much, sometimes it is genetics, I don't care what anyone says. I mean why is it a lot of people can drink alchohol normally and in moderation while others turn into alchoholics? There is something a lot deeper here than just over eating or over drinking. My mom's whole side of the family were/are obese, all of us have battled diet after diet after diet, for some it just doesn't work, that is where WLS comes in. I feel no shame in getting it if it is going to give me what I want! In fact, you can poo poo me all you want, I will be the one laughing all the way when I am wearing a bikini next year on the beach living life to it's fullest for the first time in years. People are mean, some do it just because they are hard hearted, some do it because they are jealous. Oh well, that's their problem not yours. In fact, let's be honest, by us getting weight loss surgery, it def opens up the gates for other overweight people who may be contimplating WLS. I know for me, I only knew one person who had it done, and I really didn't talk to her at the time. When I started a new job at a hospital, I was suprised by how many nurses and techs and secretaries had it done. Then you start to think, hey that could be me, and hence my journey into WLS/. I would never force WLS on anyone, but I will freely talk about and advocate for it from now on. I have my surgery tomorrow, so I am a little premature lol, but if I can help just one person who is too scared or too shy to check into it then it will all be worth it. I don't care what anyone else thinks, asking for help or looking to interventions to give you what you want in life should not be something that is looked down at. I guess all those skinny people who get a kick out of picking on the obese will have to go turn their attentions somewhere else, I feel they do it to build up their pathetic lives and you know the old saying that misery loves company. I really wish my BFF would get it. She was always overweight, always. When I told her I was getting it done she wasn't really supportive, but she knows I wouldn't care anyway. She said she could do it on her own, she just has to get back to the gym. I of course keep my mouth shut, no offense to her, but she has never been able to lose more than 30 pounds and she probably has a good 80 or 90 to lose and she is one of those people that is not happy with herself and constantly wants to be skinny. I am hoping to be an inspiration to her too. Good luck to all of us and let's not try to let our haters and unsupporters get us down!

I never told my mom about my surgery till like five months post-op (or anyone in my family actually). I didn't have any reason to think she'd be negative or unsupportive, I just didn't want to get everyone's opinions about my body and my choices for that body. The God-made-it-that-way argument strikes me as absurd, so I would just ignore that one. Frankly, I would ignore her in general. Just nod and smile and agree with her that no one knows trouble and sorrow like she does and then...change the subject gracefully. Good luck!

Just a little background on me first. I got the band in Dec. 2010 and so far have lost 100 lbs. since my first consult. I told NO ONE about getting Lap Band except my boyfriend (who went to all my appointments and was there at the surgery) and the lady who I first talked to about it (she had it over 2 years). It has become noticeable that I have lost a ton of weight and I often get compliments and friends want weight loss advice. I was talking to one of my friends (we've been friends since elementary and her idea of over weight is the 160 she now weighs instead of the 120 she did in high school) on the phone and she was like you have lost a lot of weight, how much more do you planning on losing (as if I had already lost enough). I said well, my ultimate goal is 160 and she asked how far I was away from that (basically just a nice way to find out how much I weighed). So, I was like let me tell back up and tell you my whole story. Then she interrupted me (I was going to tell her about my lowest weight my freshman year in college and how I'm getting close to that) and said, "Oh Lord, don't tell me you had Lap Band"! I was taken aback and said, "No, I wasn't going to tell you that, I was going to tell you about my weight loss since freshman year in college" and she was like "Oh". And that moment I realized why I hadn't told anyone about MY surgery. It is just that, my surgery! I do not need anyone's negativity, sideways comments, or unsupportiveness. If you are contemplating on telling people or not, just think before you act. In my case it was best that I didn't!

What really matters in this scenario is what is right for you. You are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, and it is totally your choice to share or not to share such personal information. I am scheduled for VSG on 9/15 in TJ, and only my parents, my son, and my brother know about it. I have yet to tell any of my friends. I may or may not after the procedure, i just haven't decided what i want to do. It has nothing to do with feeling unsupported or being concerned about others reactions. It just a very personal decision that i made after a very long period of consideration, and i still have my own feelings to sort out. For me, right now, i need to look after my own emotions, deal with the major changes ahead for me, and even though i am very secure in my decision to do this, i am still feeling a little overwhelmed by all of it. I don't really want to add the extra emotional energy, good or bad, to my plate right now. You can be honest with your friend and tell her that you're worn out after your trip and would like to pick up the next week. The definition of friendship does not include a "share all" clause, and a true friend who really loves you would understand your need to do what is best for you. Good luck and i hope you are doing well!

I have decided to get the gastric sleeve done by Dr. Aceves. My husband is luckily supportive, but the rest of my family is very unsupportive. My mother literaly said why don't you just try Jenny Craig, and that I am taking the easy way out.. I am so hurt and upset, how did you guys convince your family it was the right thing. I need my dad to cosign on a loan for it, and he is willing but my mom will not let him.

The person I considered my best friend bailed on me. She was supportive of the surgery until the week before, I had a moment of weakness and said I might back out, at that moment she no longer supported it. She had started doing everything she could to lose weight, and she was a lot smaller than me to begin with anyways, but it seemed like she couldn't stand the idea of not being the skinny friend. She came to the hospital the day of my surgery and that was the last time I saw her. She would talk to me like normal on the phone for the first few weeks but as I lost weight she just took off. I called her a few times over one weekend, she didn't answer, she didn't answer texts. She called once on Monday and I decided to wait and see if she would call again as I was not about to fight for a friendship when clearly she had begun distancing herself. She never called again. I reached out to her on facebook a few times trying to find out what was going on, she never responded. She has since moved and I am sure I will never hear from her again. I have another friend that was very unsupportive of me, he said over and over I could do it on my own. I rarely hear from him anymore and it's usually only when he's upset about something. He's not even someone I would consider a friend anymore. I have dealt with a lot of snarky comments too, some just joking, many are just low blows. You would think my "friends" would be happy for me to get healthy and fit but jealousy can be a very ugly thing and girls apparently don't like becoming the "fat" friend. Ugh! This surgery really has shown me who my real friends are.

Here is your one word answer ................ NO!!!! Most people are unsupportive and jealous.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother Kristie. I can only imagine what it's like to have your own mom questioning you and being unsupportive about something so huge. So... let me give you the perspective of another nurse. (I'm still a student, but have seen enough...) I also got to take care of bariatric surgery patients on the unit I was doing my clinical rotations on. At the time I was considering revising my lap band to a sleeve. After seeing them during their hospital stays, then seeing them even a month later at support group meetings was enough to convince me that I needed this. I have talked with the other nurses on the floor about it and what complications they have seen with the VSG. The only negatives they have seen are people who have been readmitted after they did NOT follow what the surgeon tells them to do after surgery. For instance, one patient a nurse took care of had been readmitted because she decided two days out of the hospital that the diet was crap and she wanted her steak darn it. She had a little bit of red meat that night. The next night she had a shredded beef chimichanga, and the next day she had more grilled beef. She ended up overeating before her sutures had healed and caused herself to develop a leak. She was embarrassed to admit it, so when she developed a fever, she didn't call the surgeon. It was when one of her friends checked on her two weeks out and found her barely conscious that she was taken to the hospital and readmitted. This nurse said that the ONLY complications she has seen in her four years on this particular floor were because of the PATIENT not following the rules. All of the nurses I talked to said that the complications they see are from the bypass and the lap bands. Now, I don't mean to pooh-pooh the opinion of another nurse, but we don't all know what we're talking about when it comes to an area we're not familiar with. If this nurse works in a cardiac facility, or orthopaedics, or in PT- she doesn't know about bariatrics. It would be like my aunt who works in a neonatal intensive care unit telling me that I shouldn't have this surgery. Apples and oranges as far as the SPECIFIC knowledge base goes. Sure, we all know about anatomy and physiology, and drugs that are commonly used, but even then I'm not going to ask my aunt about MY medications, when her knowledge base is about babies. (In fact, since she knows I have recent experience with adult issues, she has called ME about advice on a few things. LOL.)

I am very sorry to hear about your unsupportive mother. Tell her that is only one opinion of one nurse. I am a Nurse and have worked with recovering patients after they come out of bariatric surgery. I am over weight and finally decided that is what I want to do and now I can't get it done fast enough. I have seen some not so good outcomes but really I have only seen those with the lap bands. The sleeve is an amazing procedure and I think that it is the best option. You have to do what's best for you and I know it's sad to not have your mother who is supportive. I am just like you that I don't dive right into things and I do my research. Heck, I was seeing WLS patients daily and I was not convinced it was the right thing to do. ONLY and only when I heard about the VSG was I sold. You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself and hopefully she will come around. Good luck!!

I think she's probably scared, and probably envious. I know this is me and not you, but here is what I went through. When I told me mother I was seriously considering getting my lap-band her first reaction was, "You don't want to just try another diet?" After she chewed it over for a bit, her second response was, "If you lose a bunch of weight I'm going to be really jealous." Then she proceeded to basically criticize all of my failed diet attempts and tell me, "I don't understand what's wrong with you. You have accomplished everything you have exer really applied yourself to, except your weight." Now my mom is normally very supportive. She's the, "I may disagree, but I will support you as a disgaree" type. She always has the best intentions, but typically has the worst execution. She told my father she thought I was making a mistake. I asked him what he thought and he said, "I think it might be what you need." He got in trouble for telling me that (in front of her) because she didn't think he should be encouraging me. She seemed to be trying to sabotage me for a while -- buying me ice cream or candy, cooking high fat meals... but who knows, it may have just been an over sensitivity on my behalf. About 2.5 years after I had my surgery, she tells me that she wants to have it done too. She tells me, "Since you've done so good, I figure I can too." This whole concept of -- ridicule me, but let me be your guinea pig and when you're envious of my results, decide it's suddenly an OK thing... and I told her that I resented her being so completely unsupportive of me, but then deciding it's OK for her.... and she apologized and said she was just terrified that something would go wrong. And jealous, which I think is to be expected whether she's my mom or not. Apparently she knew someone who had one of the earlier gastric bands; the ones that weren't adjustable, and that person got down to a near skeletal weight because of an erosion and failure to follow-up with her doctor. So anyway, that long story really to explain my rationale for asking the following... You didn't come out and say she was overweight (that I saw, anyway) but it is implied. Is she? You mention comorbidities she has and those tend to be found in obese people. Her reaction may be a bit of the green-eyed monster. Moms aren't above envy, they're still human. Is this perhaps your mom's response to her fear that something bad will happen to you? Is your mom associating your would-be procedure with any other events she's experienced or been exposed to? (e.g. did she have a bad surgery, did someone she know have a bad weightloss surgery experience...) Now for what you can do... Have you tried appealing to her logical side? If she is overweight, why hasn't she "Just tried WW"? And if she has tried it, why is she still overweight? What would losing the weight permanently mean to her, or be worth to her? Ask her why she is so against it. Ask her to be informed before jumping to a conclusion. Do you think it's the procedure, or "the procedure in Mexico?" A lot of people hear "Mexico" and think of Independence Ave Tijuana. They don't realize Mexico is a largely beautiful (and clean) country. My surgeries have been US, but I've heard so may times, "If I can't drink the Water there, why would I have surgery there?" (Sory this is so verbose, I have a bad habit of "typing out loud"...hopefully my points/questions are not too deeply buried...)