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Showing results for 'unsupportive'.
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If your Dr is already so unsupportive, then I would consider finding a new one. Be aware that if you have insurance, you may be limited to who you can see. As for the fills, some Dr's do wait 6-8 weeks to do the first fill, so it's not uncommon. I would be more concerned that they pointed the finger at you- 18 pounds is great!
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New Here - Surgery Date July 2Nd
Piplula replied to ladyarwenrose's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Hi Lady & Welcome! I didn't tell anyone in my family but my husband! He was and continues to be a supportive light in my life. I didn't tell my mom or dad or any family member until I was approved for surgery. some family...I waited until after.. None of my family knew I was pre-diabetic, hypertensive, and have high cholesterol. I am 38 years old and I am considerd morbidly obese...sounds so grotesque when you see it on paper...or electronically in this case! So when I finally told them that I was approved to have the surgery I got an ok from my brother.. Silence from my dad..then an ok.. And a ok from my mom with and are you sure??? This was the very reason I didn't tell anyone! I think that sometimes family fear the unknown which is why I asked my hubby to come to every appt. with me to become educated with me on the process and he did which is why I think he is supportive. Perhaps your family has this same fear..are there required seminars you can attend? Ask your mom to come to a support group and let her see the people who have succeeded. In fact, if she refuses, challenge her to come and face that fear. Let her hear those who had complications but overcame them and have gone on to succeed. Tell your mom to ask questions.. Those people are the ones who can educated her. Bring her to the seminar when you first started...let her look around the room and show her you aren't alone. Let her hear the doctors, the dietitians, the nurses and what they have to say about the process..because they are the "medical experts". Let her hear from people who have already walked the path because they are the "ultimate expert". I feel you are saddened because they aren't supportive. I would then ask them to come and see...and remind the gently that comments can be hurtful if one is commenting without being educated on the process first. And in the end..if they still are unsupportive...you will always have us here. U are one of us now! You are part of a special sorority/ fraternity of men and women who are so full of life that all we want is for our bodies to feel and be better so we can embrace that life we have been given! Good luck on your journey! I look forward to reading about your many success stories to come!!! -
Telling Ur Fb Friends And Family
DogMom3 replied to lake_gurl2012's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
I say GO FOR IT!!! Who cares if there are people out there that aren't supportive....one click of the "delete friend" will take care of that. I have absolutely no space in my life for unsupportive judgemental people. You did this to give yourself a new life....this was not an easy way out and you should be very proud of yourself. Tell the world girl and best of luck to you!!! -
Who To Tell And Not Tell....
iwannabslim replied to kmoore's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I currently have the lapband and planned on telling only a select few. I told one good friend at work who let it slip. I was upset because it started questions from food police. Now that I have gained some of my weight back, it makes it even more embarrassing. I don't plan to tell anyone but my husband this time around. If I have to say anything, it will be hernia repair (which is actually true). I don't want or need the snide remarks from the unsupportive people that I work with. My cousin has the sleeve and the family makes snide remarks about how thin and sickly she looks. Mind you, most of my family have BMIs WAY over 40. My husband knows, but HE doesn't get it. He thinks this is a device that can be removed like my lapband. Um, nope. I won't even explain it to him later... -
So he apologized to me last night. He told me not to read into what he said and to totally ignore it. He was hungry and pissed and spoke without using his brain to filter his mouth. Last night we sat down and discussed finances and he explained what was going on in the world of finances this summer. He told me that if I want this surgery he understands and he's not telling me that I cannot get it done. He did ask me if I could put if off until after August, which is fine with me. I am willing to do that. I don't want to screw us financially, especially during the summer when the we all have time off. Next month my car license fee is due, I have 100$ just in doctor visits, not including the gas to get to them twice. Unfortunately my insurance dictates that I cannot go to the doctor for more than one in thing in a day. So that means that I cannot have a nutrition appointment the same day as a pre-op. I was planning on going down there for my psych eval but decided against it because I would have had to make 3 more trips down there. My husband is a good man, he helps out a lot with laundry, dishes and the kids. He just gets burned out, like we all do. Some days he snaps, like we all do. He's supportive of my decision though he wishes I could do this without surgery, but so do I. I just needed to vent the other day. I was hurt and he knew it. He didn't say anything else cruel. I love my husband and my kids, that's why I want this surgery. I want to be around for them. I want to feel healthier and I believe that comes with weightloss, not just a little weightloss but a lot of weightloss. I'm sorry for everyone dealing with dificult situaltions. I know that we all have financial trouble and we all probably have to deal with unsupportive people. Thank you all for your support and kindness. I really enjoy this forum and the people on it.
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My kaiser PCP wont refer me because i have No comorbidities and my bmi is 38.5 I want to change PCPs now. I go to kaiser vallejo. But doesnt kaiser make u do a 6 mo program or something as well? Honestly im thinking about going to mexico with dr. Ortiz (been on oprah, and the doctors, and facility is a center of excellence)... But everyone (friends and family are still scared bc its mexico. I dont want to have to go alone. I dont want to have to try and gain 10 lbs (im a bridesmaid for my cousins wedding in june) so that i can have a BMI of 40 AND THEN still have to do a 6 mo program. Even my therapist is being unsupportive. I already have a surgery date on 8/1... Ill pay outta pocket but its faster and i dont want to waste another minute being this size. *sigh*
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1 Wk Post Op Eating Every 2.5 Hrs...
MyGastricSleeveLife replied to cupcake10's topic in Post-op Diets and Questions
I didn't mean to step on any toes. I know everyone is different and everyone deals differently. Personally, for me, I'm following what my doctor says because I trusted him enough to operate on me so I'm going to trust him enough to follow his guidelines. I was not trying to be unsupportive. I was actually saying that eating throughout the day makes sense in the clear liquid and full liquid stages, and even after that depending on your guidelines. I'm sorry if I came off differently. -
Who Are You Telling
shangefan replied to Look@meitsEmily's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Iegal, I agree with you. I am not necessarily worried about negative comments or unsupportive folks. I simply don't wish for my health issues to be a topic of conversation. What people say when I am not around is up to them; I am sure some folks talk about me already. But just as I wouldn't be inclinded to talk about other medical procedures, neither am I inclined to do so with this. Might that change at some point? Perhaps. But until then, I am completly satisfied to tape my mouth shut (tee hee) as it relates to this. -
Tests Complete-Upper Endo Woes And I Wait....and Wait
TinyMamiOf3kids replied to lessofme's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I did the endoscopy today. No pain. I was fine. Got up wasn't dizzy & got my results & left with my unsupportive hubby. Now if you would ask me 2 years ago. My throat was hurting. It hurt to swallow but this time it was perfect! -
When were you banded? I was having similar frustrations last month because I went in and complained how I was able to eat like I did before surgery, and I had even gained some weight back. The PAC told me she wanted me to learn to eat properly, and that she would only give me .5cc. I was floored! I had a follow up with a NP from the weight management center (the same center we have to go to for our pre-surgical education), and I told her how I felt very unsupported, and that it was as if I was being punished. She said that at the end of the day, we are just as much a consumer as we are a patient, and that if the band is not working, we need to speak up and ask to either have another fill, or if the doctor is not agreeable, to ask to see if the band has slipped or has a leak that is causing us not to feel anything. Hope this helps!
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I completely understand the choices made... such a personal thing. I have chosen to tell all of my people, as we connect. One of my core values is honesty and being authentic. When someone asks me what is new in my life, it seems weird to me to withold the fact that I am preparing to change my life in a very big way. If someone asked me how I suddenly was able to drop 50-100 lbs after carrying this weight for 20 years and doing WW, Jenny Craig, FatSmash, etc., I prefer to speak my truth than to say that I am doing the same thing I've always done with a different result. Also, I wanted to hear the horror stories, so that I could make an informed decision. I have not yet heard a sleeve horror story, actually. When I met with my nutritionist, and asked why I can't lose weight while consuming 1600 calories a day... and she said that with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), I would never lose weight without surgery. I will offer this to anyone who seems to be unsupportive of my choice (along with a description of how I used to suffocate when I slept, and now sleep with a machine), but frankly... I am surrounded by loving, supportive, remarkable people... and I have been overwhelmed by love, enthusiasm, and complete support from doctors, boss, co-workers, family, friends, and the WLS support group I've already joined... including a list of people who want to care for me after surgery (I am single and childless, and live alone with my 19 year old cat). I can't imagine denying them the opportunity to be my heroes. If people really care about you, they will want you to be happy, healthy, and whole. If they share horror stories, it is because they care about you, and fear the risks of surgery. If you take the time to help them understand your struggle and inner turmoil... they will come to support your choice. If they don't... they are confused and probably not worthy of you.
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Wow, you are amazing! I can't even imagine. You mentioned that you found out who were your real friends; could you please expand on that a little? Were people unsupportive? Jealous? I have a few friendships that seen to revolve around food and bingeing. I wonder what we will have in common after the sleeve. Also, you said that you are an emotional eater, I am too. What do you do now when you get the urge to binge?
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Sorry but this is very unsupportive of your Fiance. I'm sorry he said that to you.
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hello all!!! My surgery date is June 4th!! I am excited and very nervous. I have to loose 10 pounds before surgery or he said he will cancel. i am nervous I won't be able to do it and keep it off. I am good for loosing 10-15 pounds and I am great for gaining it all back plus another 5. He didn't give me a pre op diet but I think I should just do the post op diet. My only other problem with the post op diet is that I have a sales conference with my job for the first week in May and i don't want anyone to know and I don't want to be starving around all these people. Then mother's day weekend i am going out of town with my family who are so unsupportive. i think I just need words of encouragement. my hubby gives them to me, but I just don't know.
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Funny How Those Who Should Be Supportive Are Not Just Gotta Be Strong
gramaof4 replied to kansasgirl's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Girls girls girls~~~ wow I live this everyday!!! my husband is extremely unsupportive, in fact he is sabbatagical (if that's a word) he told my 12 yr. old son there was no way I could lose the weight and further more "mom will ALWAYS be fat" hello!!! I am 8 weeks out on Monday and I have lost 55 pounds and for the first time in 12 yrs....I am under 300 pounds. I come home and there will be twinkies, ding dongs, chocolate pies, cracker jacks and candy bars (my former favorites), will be piled in my fruit bowl.....ugg now It took me 3 yrs to save enough money for the surgery and I'll tell you all...I AM GONNA DO IT FOR ME!!! I want to be here to watch my grandchildren grow up...the 4 of them deserve that...and the many more to come deserve to know and love and be loved by their gma... So good for you for taking the initiative to fund the surgery on your own...you will not regret it, I would do it 10000 X over again. I went to Mexicall and Dr. Aceves did my surgery $8750 and I was treated like royalty....was the best surgery experiment I have ever had and no pain...Zip ZERO none! Good Luck and welcome to the losers bench! -
Funny How Those Who Should Be Supportive Are Not Just Gotta Be Strong
clk replied to kansasgirl's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
I'm sorry that it's your father being unsupportive. It's hard when our families aren't behind us. But the reality is that you aren't doing this for anyone but yourself so you don't need anyone's approval, even though it feels nice to have it. Do what you need to do and be thankful for the people that are on your side right now. Your dad might come around later as he sees you succeed, and maybe not. I'm proud of you for finding a way to fund this yourself and do it yourself. You're doing the greatest thing you can to change your life and if people that you love don't see it that way you have to just let it go and keep on trying to better yourself. Though I would say that you might consider venting about post surgery difficulties to someone that won't relay them to your dad - just because I'm the type that would hate to hear a single "I told you so." Good luck! ~Cheri -
Good for you!...I love this forum for the simple fact I can say what is on my mind and heart, and no one judges... This is one of the best support groups we have, and it happens throughout the day...so many answers to many questions and things come up we don't even think to ask about. The vetran sleevers are awsome. I too am only 7 weeks out was sleeved on 2-27-12 in Mexico by the best surgeon Dr. Aceves...I experienced NO>>>YES ZERO pain during my surgery and afterwards...wow was I lucky. I have only lost 52 lbs to date but I am swimming 3x a week and counting calories/protein/carbs and attempting to get in the liquids...very hard for me...And I work full time, and have 2 kids still at home and an unsupportive husband
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What Do You Tell The Nosey Peopke At Work?
raven8888 replied to Gettinhealthy's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
This has been hard for me too. I am not telling all of my family. My mother and my sister know. My entire family is obese. I see all of them on this lifelong yoyo diet. Losing . Gaining, losing, gaining more. My brother land himself in er with throughthe roof high blood pressure and heart problems, my dad diabetic with lung disease and on o2. He doesn't have a lot of time left. However, I know my family very well and they all like to talk behind each others back. I already know they will dissaprove and criticize me for taking the "easy" way out. Well, I have doing it the hard way for 20 years and I can barely walk every morning, my blood pressure averages 180/120 when miss a pill, I can tell I'm only a few years from being diabetic, I have ovarian cysts, and problems with my periods. I have 4 children ranging in ages 16 months to 20 years old. I don't want to die in my 60's like my dad is doing. I only told my mother because I knew she wouldn't say anything and as my mom she needs to know, but just today she said... You will probably feel so much better after you lose the weight, but I think you can do it on your own without this surgery, but you are already going through with it anyway. So it was a half supportive half unsupportive comment. Made me wonder if I should have just kept it to myself. It's har because this is the reaction from my obese family members, it would be 10 times worse if they all knew. My sister and I discussed it and we both feel they would resent me on many levels. So, I live out of state and all I have told them is I am having stomach troubles and seeing doctors for severe reflux and health conditions, my knees, etc and that I am going to a nut and a medical weight loss program. So that when they all see me in 6 months it won't be a huge shock. It's not that I'm hiding it, it's just I know why I am doing this. This is for me, and my children. I know I am making the best choice for myself. I am a nurse, and I did work in a nursing home, they are right not many 80 year old obese people there, sadly the ones I took care of morbidly obese were only in there 50 s and 60's and not doing well and needed help just to do activities of daily living and self care. That is not going to be me. So that is my reason for only including the people in my life I know support me. I don't feel the need to justify my choice to anyone else. -
Negative People Around Me...
LosingItForMe2011 replied to Jessica89's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
Always remember the final decision is yours. Folks who think it's the "easy way out" or is unsupportive probably has more fear than knowledge about the surgery or the decision making we all have to do to even start this process. It's far from easy no matter where you are in the process. As much as we'd all love to have the love and support of everyone in our world it will never happen and there will always be nay sayers but, in the end.....when we wake up in the morning to the time we go to sleep, WE have to live with ourselves. We have to carry this shell, this burden we've been carrying for so long and the pain physically and mentally that comes with it. The decision is yours and as long as you've made it with lots of insight, research and as much knowledge as you can gain about it......then you're doing the right thing for you. You go girl and do what you know is right for you. Good luck! -
Unsupportive Husband Thinks Sleeve Wont Work
melissamae99 posted a topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
So I have been thinking of getting surgery for quite some time now. I have family that are very supportive of my decision. However, my husband basically thinks that since I have never been able to lose it and stick with any plan in the past that this is a bad choice. He doesn't get where I am coming from and thinks I will fail yet again at this weight loss battle. I really don't know how to explain it to him. I have said the surgery itself will make me lose the weight. In losing a good amount, I will feel more energetic and want to get out and be more active. I am 100% going to have the VS but really want his support through it all. Any advice or thoughts?? I am a newbie here but have really enjoyed reading some of the topics and am amazed at everyone's photos! Any thoughts are appreciated! -
Wow!!! I love this forum!!! I had my surgery in Mexico...My husband never wanted to talk about it, did not wish to think about it...UNTIL the very morning I was set to leave....He came into the kitchen from the bedroom as I was writing him a love letter for him to read when i was gone....He said to me "Oh writing out your last will and testament' Having unneccessary surgery in a third world country...not so very smart" and he walked out the door to head off to work. Did not kiss me did not hug me did not say good luck nothing he just left...Now let's talk about unsupportive....well he takes the cake. I am a christian woman and have decided I am going to pray for him, I have been given a book "The Power of a Praying Wife" and man is it good. I am learning alot about myself and in the process I believe the Lord will change in me the things that my husband will notice and he will want to be a part of the woman he married 20 plus years ago. I love him deeply with all my heart but sometimes I do not like him very much. He can be uncaring and say things with a tone that are very condiscending and it would have been better had he not opened his trap at all. While I was away at surgery, he told out 12 yr old that mom could not do this and it was just a huge waste of money that mom would always be fat...Of course my 12 yr old really did not know how exactly to process this information so he asked me why dad would say such a thing when I was trying so hard. NOW what do you tell a child after that?
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I've been very emotional lately and when I started all my Pre-Op appointments and planned the surgery it seemed like the perfect timing to do so I had just turned 30 and my health was horrible my diabetes was unmanagable, my high blood pressure was out of control and my depression was at an all time low and this surgery gave me hope for a healtier better future but the past couple months have been super rough and my stress level is off the charts, having to deal with an unsupportive husband, an out of control teen son and a 7yr old son with type 1 diabetes,sometimes makes me question myself " am I making the right choice, is this the right time?" are these feelings normal or is feeling guilty something that everyone goes through on some level?
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For starters, you are WAAAAY too early to be weighing every day and worrying about weight loss. Your body is still healing. Let's take a look at this objectively. You just had 85% of your stomach removed. You are eating between 300-500 calories a day. What does it mean if you lose 1 or 2 pounds? That you lost fat? What about the swelling in your stomach and your incisions? That is basically Water and it is reducing ... right? What if you don't lose at all? Does this mean you are a failure and you won't lose any weight at all? What if you gain? Does this mean you are gaining fat? Really? It is so easy to get your head spinning around during these early days, but you have to remember your body is healing. It just went through major surgery. It is no longer being fed the way it was. There are some adjustments that it has to make. Give it room to do this without worrying. Again, you just had 85% of your stomach removed. You have read the postings on the forum. Do you really think you are not going to lose? Stop weighing yourself. It does yourself no good and sound like it may be giving an unsupportive husband ammunition to help sabotage your self esteem. Just don't do it yourself. No good can come of it. Wait a couple weeks. Weigh yourself monthly. You will see losses and it will do wonders for your self esteem. (Plus disarm any non-supporters in your life) If people ask, "How much did you lose today?", tell them that you are not going to be a slave to scale and that you don't know. It is non of their business, anyway.
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To Tell Or Not To Tell?
isntsheclever replied to gettinthinner's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I am vlogging on youtube. So I thought it would be silly to try and keep it a secret from people in my day to day life. Also, several people in my family have had wls. It's become a very normal part of my life. The more people I talk to about my own surgery, the more I hear that they know one or two people who have also had wls. Someone I know has decided to start their own journey towards wls based off of me being open about my experience. That alone makes all the 'haters' worth it. I completely understand why people choose to keep it to themselves. It's a sensitive topic. And the general public can often be mean, or at least unsupportive. But I am choosing to be open, and so far I don't regret it. -
Bananas? Good Or Bad?
gettinthinner replied to gettinthinner's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Well now, this brings up a new topic. I have not been counting anything. I have just been trying to eat nearly only Proteins other than the occasional banana or sometimes a few strawberries in my Protein shakes. I suppose I must get in the odd carb and clearly am getting calories. I figured since I am eating so little that I didn't need to count anything. It seems to make it all more stressfu. I am shocked and impressed by your weight loss. I have lost 40 lbs in 9 weeks but you have done so much better. I confess to not yet doing one lick of exercise. Do you think this accounts for the difference. I can't really imagine that I could eat much less than I already do. I am always curious about this process and wonder what gives one person more success over another. I guess I know that there are so many variables. I worry all the time and this is why counting anything would just add to my worrying. I worry that I don't drink enough, because I know for certain that I don't. I worry that I don't get enough protein because I know I don't. I worry that I haven't pushed myself enough to exercise and I worry about the possibility of failure at some point. (this latest concern brought on by rather unsupportive family members). So congrats to you on such a big weight loss. You are definitely doing something right!
