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Hmmm ... are you a success or failure ... I can't speak for you, but I know I am neither ... I am human. An imperfect one, at that. I am an alcoholic who has found others who have found a solution to their issues with alcohol abuse. It is a 12 step program you may have heard of. If not, Google 12 step alcohol. There are many meetings in cities around the world every hour of the day. I found shame in admitting it at first, but after some time, similar to being sleeved, I have found that I can be of service to those in need, trying to reach out to others. I would love to discuss this further with you, if you are so inclined, but I cannot do this for you. No one here can tell you why you abuse alcohol just like no one here can tell you why you were obese. But I, and many others in your own city, can tell you what my issues were and how I found a solution which may work for you, if you are willing. You may or may not be an alcoholic. Only you get to decide. I've known more than one person who could suck down a bottle of vodka, but wasn't an alcoholic. But I do know, for myself, I stepped over the line when I lost my power of choice in the matter. Feel free to PM me, though, I think you may have already before ... right? The only shame is not doing anything about it.

I am having a bad day! Feeling very frustrated and like a failure. I will be 4 weeks post op tomorrow. For the past week, I keep gaining and losing the same 2 pounds. GRRR Then I took it a step further and drank alcohol last night! I only ordered one shot and sipped on it for about 2 hours. I got a little buzz from it and feel like total crap today! I keep feeling like I am never going to lose weight. I have failed at every diet I have ever tried (obviously, that is what led me to the sleeve) and I am staring to think I will fail at this too! Ugh! I hate feeling this way! Definitely one of those days I would like to stay under the covers and cry myself back to sleep! For some reason, I feel like I can't get my emotions together! Anyone else have these problems/feelings???

I am 7 weeks out, and I just went to a group therapy session for post op patients, with my number one problem being the social divide I now feel from friends and family. EVERYTHING revolves around food, or alcohol for me. Just think that it will eventually get better, and you made this decision for YOU to be healthy and happy, and nothing can get in the way of that. Stay strong and happy because the same reasons you had this surgery in the first place are still there, you just need to look back and find the strength to bring them back to light. I am going to a festival this weekend, with LOTS of alcohol and food, but fuck it.. because I know I will still have fun. I realized I was part of the problem dividing myself from others- changing your way of thinking may help - and it never hurts to explain how your feeling to the fam. If they love you they will understand.. Good luck!

Over the 8 years I have met with weight loss surgery patients, the one concept I find myself going over and over is this idea of becoming full from within. The idea that if we don't fill ourselves up intrinsically- we will always need some thing to fill the void, whether it be food, gambling, sex, drugs, or alcohol. The problem is- we always end up on empty, psychologically. The next question often becomes, "ok so how do I fill myself up psychologically? I don't think I will ever be fulfilled because I have never been truly happy. I was not born a naturally happy person? I've spent most of my life feeling empty- how do I turn it all around now? I grew up with unhappy parents, how am I to unlearn all of that early programming?' "Wondering if you're happy is a great shortcut to being depressed." - Annette Bening, 20th Century Women I think, unfortunately happiness gets a bad rap. There is a wide misconception that for us to be fulfilled, or full from within- we need to be blissfully happy all the time, and that's just not the case. Not only is it untrue, but it is an unrealistic standard and one that sets people up for disappointment. Rather than always questioning how we SHOULD be feeling, we should just practice acceptance of whatever temporary state we happen to be in at the moment with non-judgement and non-attachment. Like busses, moods come around every five minutes. Even therapist's aren't immune to life's ups and downs. Believe it or not, as a psychologist who literally wrote a book on Happiness, I have to remind myself certain mantras that help me keep my own life in balance and my happiness and fulfillment sustained. I actually have a list on my phone that says "things to remember," and page through it daily, when I'm feeling off track. So if you're feeling off track yourself- first understand that you're human and give yourself a break + then thumb through my personal list of happiness tips, little pearls I've gained in my 37 years on this planet, and see if any of them might help to increase your happiness quotient today: 1) In silence, the heart begins to finish its unfinished business. I think I picked this up from a book I read about Sufism. In any case, I liked it and it stuck. Oftentimes, we think that we must actively and aggressively pray, yet Sufis believe that it is in the stillness that God comes to us. Whenever my life gets a bit too chaotic with all the "should-ing" all over myself- I remind myself that it is often when I take pause, let go, and let God- that what is truly important, rises to the surface and I begin to reclaim my life instead of it claiming me. 2) Do more want-to's vs. have-to's every day. Someone once told me that the "have-to's" will never be done. I repeat- they will never be done. So we might as well splice in some time for the things that we thought we were going to do once they were done. Take the scenic route to work, take a long walk and listen to that book on audible that you have been wanting to read for the last few months,go shopping with a friend, get a massage, take an extra long lunch and sit out in the sun, or just curl up with your loved one or pet. A wise man once said "time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time," and I couldn't agree more. 3) Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. I remember when I was in grad school, thinking "if I can just finish school- then I'll be the relaxed, happy go lucky person I want to be," then it morphed into, "once I get licensed," then "once I get married," then "once I have kids..." You get the idea. It is not the situations or circumstances in our lives that determine if we are a happier person or not. It truly is the way in which we approach them as they come, that determines what type of person we are and how happy we will be. In the "car of life," that we all have to drive, will you wear stilettos or uggs? 4) Connection with others is key to fulfillment. I am an introvert by nature. I enjoy my downtime, and require coming back to my home base in silence, to relax and unwind. However, there is something inherent in our very nature about the need to feel connected to the world around us- introverts included. My best girlfriend from childhood came out for a week a while back, and so I was unable to get caught up in the hamster wheel of daily activity. I was forced to be fully present and engaged with her for four days in a row. As a result, I was actually more grounded, more at peace, less anxious, and more optimistic about the future. Whenever we notice our egoic drives propelling us towards isolation, judgement, rumination, or comparison- we should remind ourselves to get out and connect with our fellow man, and fakebook doesn't count. 5) Like attracts like. Happy attracts happy. When we find ourselves feeling left out, isolated, or out of touch with those around us- it is important to look at our recent focus. Are we always dwelling on the negative, gossiping about someone? You know the saying "what sally says about susie, says more about sally than susie." Although, many of us sub-consciously believe that if we can just "get it out" about whatever is chipping away at us- it will somehow allay our negative feelings- it really doesn't. In fact, research supports that when we ruminate on negative feelings, it actually increases our negative feelings. This doesn't mean we should all be superficial and "surface-y" towards everyone, but that we should work a bit harder to find the happy. 6) To receive abundantly, ironically we must give abundantly. It is engrained in our DNA to wake up each morning with a needs list: "when will I get that bonus?" "when will I hear back about that promotion," "when will she call me back?" Yet, spiritually I truly believe that when we make the shift from "what can I get," to "what can I give?" It is a complete gamechanger. It's almost as if the universe aligns with us and says "yep you finally figured it out." 7) Choose your thoughts like you choose your clothes. Our minds are quick and fast like ferraris. They are an intricate and complex machine designed for ultimate performance, but just like we must use the right fuel for a Ferrari, we must also carefully select and filter which thoughts we allow to permeate our consciousness. When you notice yourself feeling down, take a cognitive step back and look at what thoughts you were having. Most are unproductive. Choose to let them go. The same tool that created the problem (our mind) is not likely going to solve the problem. 8) Legitimately and truly don't care about what others think or do. I can honestly say that this is still a work in progress for me. I was born a people-pleaser, but as I get older, I realize the more I try to make others happier with me, the less happy I am with myself. 9) Go out into the world with your heart, not your brain. Yes, our brain is required for some part of our days. Otherwise, our bills wouldn't be paid, our tasks wouldn't get done, and our goals wouldn't be met. But, other than that- when we greet people, meet people, share with others, observe, smile, walk- it is quite a different experience to live in our heart space, in that emotional space that is more visceral than verbal. 10) Relish in the remarkable ride. I watched a movie a while back called "about time," and it was all about a man who had time travel figured out. He lived his day once all hurried and bothered about the little stressors of life, but then went back to live it again. He said he would just rest in the moment, relax, and relish in the remarkable ride that was his life. I love this. After all the late notices have come, all our debt has fallen or risen, our weight has gone up and down, our kids get a failing grade in school, our lover breaks our heart, our cars break down... it always ends the same: none of us get out alive. So why not just sit back and enjoy the ride?

It sounds like a lot of you December people are struggling. I'm almost eight months out - here are some of the things I learned: Emotional problems are common in the beginning. In addition to dealing with cravings and mourning old food favorites you are experiencing hormonal issues. There are hormones stored with the fat - as you burn the fat these hormones are released into your system making you feel as if you're on an emotional roller coaster. Everyone experiences food issues like vomiting, nausea, pain, foamies, and getting stuck. While you are introducing new foods and experimenting with what you can tolerate it's inevitable and part of the learning process. It's also a sort of 'aversion therapy' - if you eat something that makes you miserable you don't want to experience that again! So that also helps change how you look at certain foods. I had a relatively small list of 'safe' foods. By week five when I moved on from mushy foods I could to tolerate tilapia, scrambled egg (as long as it wasn't cooked too dry) pea soup (good protein for a veggie soup), chili (Wendy's or my own homemade), hummus, ground meats like turkey or chicken, meatballs, meatloaf, broccoli, cauliflower, zuchini 'pizza' (zuchini stuffed with diced tomatoes, feta, mozzarella, turkey pepperoni, and basil - Yum!) and deviled eggs. I couldn't do hard boiled - too dry. Very bad foods for me were tuna and any kind of chicken except ground. Special food instructions from my team were no raw veggies for 3 months (veggie fibers can get caught in the pouch staples), no nuts for six months, no caffeine for six months (diuretic, pouch irritant, acidic can cause ulcers), no alcohol for one year (liver working overtime to process toxins released w/fat loss - alcohol can cause liver failure during this time, alcohol is an irritant that can cause ulcers, and high cross-addiction risk for some people). Also no white anything EVER - white potatoes, white bread, white pasta, white rice. No nutrients in anything white. Always choose whole grains, brown rice, quinoa. Don't try to find substitutions for old favorites that are too similar to them. From there it's just a short jump back to old bad habits. Instead find new favorites that are totally different. Become as gourmet - savor your food, eating slowly. We eat so little that I don't care what something costs. I only eat a tiny bit anyway, so I want it to be awesome! I can make a whole meal out of 4 cocktail shrimp and a little cocktail sauce. Most of all, celebrate your successes! Each pound or inch lost, meeting protein, water, or exercise goals, avoiding a temptation or solving a problem, donating one more bag of clothes to charity, not taking that med anymore, doing something you could never do before like wear a seatbelt, or play with your kids, walk that mile, or wear that dress, or so many other things that each of us find amazing when they happen. Celebrate all those things - you work HARD for them!!! Don't compare yourself to others. We are all different. We lose at different rates. How we lose is affected by so very many different things - age, health, activity level, abilities, gender. Comparing yourself to others will only make you unhappy with yourself. Your journey is about YOU. :-)

The military is another interesting angle. Military families can (or at least could last I was part of one) live free on base or receive BAH to cover/offset if not. Core utilities were free or very greatly reduced. Major appliances are provided. Maintenance (structural) was free. Goods could be purchased at reduced rates, and with decreased sales tax through commissaries and PX. Including non-necessities like alcohol, beauty accessories, furniture, etc. Medical was free, dental was free. I don't remember vision but I think it was free too. Cheap life insurance. There was no required budget for work attire. Gas to and fro base, but parking was free and things like bridge passes were comped. Then consider all civilian world discounts (granted their use is optional). An E-4's avg. full compensation is around $40,000 not including "extras" (e.g. special pay) and not including what they're saving on ancillary perks such as the free medical. With branch discretions. Why is it so much harder (or at least perceived to be harder) for military families? We always did fine, but when I think back, quite a few of the families were on some form of welfare. I can see reasons in most cases, largely around choices or responsibility, not so much related to being a military family.

I enjoy being out with friends. My enjoyment just doesn't involve mass quantities of food now. Yes I eat but I find that I'm more involved in the conversation than I've ever been and I feel like I get so much more out of the time that I've spent.How about drinks? Beer, vodka, wine? Sent from my Pixel using the BariatricPal App You can drink if you want. Hard liquor doesn't have carbs so that is better than beer. Take it neat or with a low carb mixer. I don't really drink but I have had a few drinks since surgery. Wine is too acidic for early post op. Drinking alcohol is counter productive go trying to lose weight but there is nothing to stop you. It just isn't suggested.

How could I regret getting my life back? I'm down 92 pounds, from a size 22 to a size 6. I'm active, healthy, and my self esteem has shot up. I was in constant pain while fat. I couldn't keep up with my kids. Now, I'm the mom I wanted to be. We've gone skiing and ice skating and trampolining together. I also don't miss out on good food and good parties. I just eat less and drink less (which is fine because alcohol hits so much harder now). Sent from my SM-G925V using the BariatricPal App

My surgeon specifically addressed diet soda and alcohol. He said I could have both in moderation once I hit 6 months after surgery. I will have a glass of wine or a shot of Fireball now and then. I tried a sip of DH's diet Dr. Pepper because I had a really nasty taste in my mouth. I swished it around in my mouth before I swallowed. It was enough to let me know that I would not want to drink any more than that one sip. I would have been very uncomfortable if I had more than that. I was probably 15 months post-op. Post-op my sleeve has not had a problem with anything I have ever consumed. My sleeve is not exactly picky so it did surprise me that soda might be a problem. I find I don't miss my diet Dr. Pepper and don't feel the need to start drinking it again. I drink 95% of my liquid each day with a straw.

@@PinkPolkadot619 true.. I haven't succeeded at losing weight but I think that has more to do with portion size and too -many- bad food choices rather than moderation.. both of which have to change but just to play devil's advocate.. a number of people post sleeve still drink alcohol.. and while that does have some health benefit in moderation it's not a Protein or a veggie.. your body doesn't "need" it and it's FULL of "unneeded" calories.. so why is that not frowned upon but a can of diet pop here and there is apparently completely taboo?

Clearly all the information regarding stretching of the sleeve, effects of diet soda on weight loss etc are observational as far as I can tell. I haven't seen any studies on stretching of the sleeve and what causes it besides the obvious overeating and there don't seem to be any causal studies on the effects of diet soda on stretching. That being said I don't think a surgeon telling you he believes it will cause stretching or issues or is generally unhealthy and therefore suggesting that you avoid diet soda or carbonation in general makes him a liar, it just means that is his opinion and recommendation. In the absence of evidence physicians often form opinions and care plans based on their personal experience and belief. I would be more concerned if 9 out of 10 surgeons disagreed with that advice but clearly those numbers don't always hold up. @Beck90- I would never let a surgeon operate on me if I didn't trust him! You have really got to address this issue with him. Take your studies and have the conversation and satisfy yourself that he is coming at this issue with your health in his mind. If you feel he isn't you need to find another Dr and or another way to fund your surgery. If you have complications this guy is going to be advising you and recommending treatment if your starting position is mistrustful that could be very dangerous. @ladyinthsouth- It is great that you can do all that stuff and suffer no ill effect. I have never understood the smoking thing but ce la vie. I have eaten cake, pizza and all the other stuff you can imagine the net result of which is that I weighed 420lbs and had to have my stomach removed in an attempt to change my life so if it is all the same I will operate on the theory that I will NEVER cake and NEVER eat pizza because quite honestly I have eaten enough of those things for probably 10 lifetimes. For some of us this is like alcoholism I want those things, I can have those things, I just choose not to have them today. That is what works for me. Maybe I will feel different later but for this moment that is how I feel. I don't want to be where I was and not eating those things makes it possible. Same with diet soda it was part of an unhealthy life style which I am trying to distance myself from. I don't feel that I can make changes without altering my behavior and my relationship with food. I no longer use food as a treat or a reward. I want to just make the healthiest food choice I can today. I don't think I am in the minority here but maybe I am.

Here are some other topics that always inspire forum participation: * Alcohol: Pro-choice, pro-life or pro-Long Island tea? * Managing your appetite mindfully with marijuana, tobacco and cocaine * Birthday cake: But what if I scrape off the icing? * Jerky and pork rinds: The benefits of sodium and lard * Bread, potatoes, Pasta, rice and matzah balls: Carbs, vey! * Fruit: Worse than coconut cream pie? * Ketosis and quinoa * Avoiding caffeine: The case for Mormonism * How long must I wait before having sex? Protip: Longer than your parents did! Ba-dump!

Jealous! I'm 4 weeks out and my surgeon's instructions say no alcohol for a year...maybe next summer!

According to your DOS, you are about 2.5 months post op. How does the carbonation in the beer feel to your sleeve? Does it go down ok or do you get tight in the chest? I had my first post op white wine at month 6. today I can enjoy a long island, but only one. i have a drink about every 2-3 weeks when out with my brother or friends. As long as you are following the alcohol guideline of your doctor and it is not causing you pain, then kudos for you, especially if you are in part of the country where it is sizzling hot today. Not here in Seattle though. 50 f and drizzly. It was actually cold outside yesterday and I had to wear a heavy coat!

Your doctor is a Healthcare Provider. Emphasis on the PROVIDER. My PCP wasn't convinced that surgery was the way to go for me either but I insisted on it. I didn't want to take diet pills - I didn't want the potential side effects and they aren't effective long term. Go in with an arsenal of information about how WLS is the most effective weight loss solution, how it is a safe procedure, how you are informed about the sacrifices that you'll have to make when you get it (no more binging, gulping, no NSAIDS, limited caffeine and alcohol) This is what I had to do. It was a 45 minutes appointment of him telling me what to do to lose weight followed by me telling him that I've done all that in the past and continued to get heavier and heavier. I told him that I had no indication that my future would look any different than my past because I'd DONE all that. I didn't want to try again only to be 10 years older and 50 pounds heavier and back to looking at weight loss surgery. He is to provide healthcare for you. He WORKS for you. Be determined. Let him know you are well informed about the healthcare choice you are wanting to make and that you need his help. Tell him straight up if he isn't going to help you with the healthcare choices you've made that you will find another healthcare provider to fit your needs better. Good luck!

Ilenerm, thanks for addressing the alcohol issue. Anytime us RNY'ers try to re-write the plan, we will not succeed!

I think you both need help. It sounds to me like this marriage has perhaps been desolving for a while. Here is something I want you to think about.... I am the child of a mother who had just one or two glasses of wine a night. If you are to the point of falling down drunk, that is an alcoholic. If you can not live with alcohol and you are refusing to quit because you like it too much, you are on your way to becoming an alcoholic. I think you personally need to evaluate your personal issues. I think your husband needs to evaluate his personal issues. Heck we all have them, we all need to grow up. Compromise and learning each other. Wasn't he a smart ass before this point? Is this new? If my husband did that I would laugh. Thing is I sometimes take things too seriously and he tries to remind me that life isn't that serious. To have fun with it. Your marriage is in trouble it has nothing to do with the weight loss.

I too know someone who died in her sleep at around age 40. She was a diabetic and became alcoholic, left her family, got uber skinny and was sick alot since she wasn't eating well - really went rogue post gastric bypass. Luckily that is the exception but it does happen.

Good for you! Yes, I'm 15 months out and can only take in 2 drinks. . .however, my drinks are mixed 4 - 6 oz alcohol and 2 - 4 oz diet coke. . . i feel the drink very fast, but as soon as i drink it about 1 or 1 1/2 hours later it's gone. . .like nothing ever happened, But I don't want another drink after that feeling wears off either. . . just do like your doing, sip your drink and make it last, your doing good. . . I love the idea of no headaches, no hangovers, or anything. . .

What she said!. From everything I have learned you are way too close to surgery to have three drinks. And for me it makes no sense to consume empty high carb calories when every single thing you put in your sleeve needs to count. I think you called it when you pinpointed alcohol as the source of some of your weight- so in a way it's too bad you experimented- finding out it slides right down. You know the sleeve is no guarantee you wont have a weight problem. Alcohol will pose just as much of a problem with your weight as it ever did, sleeve or no sleeve. And hey- I do NOT want to seem like a moralizer here as I enjoy socializing and partying, I just know I have to choose for my health now and I would love you to have long term success. To me choosing to have three drinks this close to your surgery is a red flag. Just the fact you felt hunger for the first time, probably from all that pure carb- well what a bummer! You sure you want to encourage that problem?

My surgical team recommends no alcohol for 3 months after surgery and it hasn't been three months for me yet, but I haven't had ANY pain or nausea since surgery. I'm attending an event tomorrow night and would like to enjoy a glass of wine but I don't want to get sick or jeopardize my new pouch in any way.

What I'm about to share with you, I do not recommend or condone. Everyone is different and everyone's doctors and WLS teams make different recommendations. I'm just sharing my personal experience since that is what you asked for. I also echo @@jessjames message Prior to surgery, my hubby and I would enjoy a glass of wine (3-5 oz.) with a steak dinner about every 6 weeks or so, so I was not a big drinker to start with (haven't been since my early 30s). After surgery, it was at least 6 months before I had my first glass of wine and I kept it to about 2-3 oz. I felt the effects of the alcohol in my system much faster than ever before; not a real buzz per se, but that warm feeling all over and especially in my joints. It's been that way ever since; and we still don't drink any more frequently than before my surgery. A couple weeks ago, we were in Pigeon Forge on vacation. We visited one of the new, legal moonshine retailers where I choose to sample some of the various flavors of moonshine. The samples were poured into a very small cup (what I know as a communion cup) so you don't get much "shine" in a sample. However, I did sample several different flavors and would estimate that I got almost the equivalent of 1.5 - 2 ounces of moonshine. Needless to say, I got quite a buzz going and felt the effects immediately. Since I knew what wine did to me, even in small amounts, I expected this type of effect, but not to the level it was. The effects did not last long since hubby and I were walking quite a bit and did eat lunch immediately afterwards. And if anyone is wondering, no I did not buy any moonshine to take home Also, since there is no nutritional value to any alcoholic beverage, I choose to limit my consumption of such because I would rather use those calories on something with substance. Regardless of my experience with alcohol, it is in your best interest to follow the recommendations of your WLS team.

I haven't blog in few weeks or months, but wanted to let everyone know I am still out here, reading the blogs and forums to keep up with everyone. I spend more time on MFP these days. I started working out with a personal trainer 5 weeks ago and that is really working out good for me. I had really hit a slump in my program and was pretty much dead in the water again. My band was working, but I just wasn't eating very well. I had hit a spot again when food just wasn't my focus and was eating way to few calories. My trainer told me I was pretty much starving my muscles and my body was holding on to those fat cells for dear life. Sad I had to pay someone to teach me how to eat, but it is working. At first I thought there is no way I can do this. I am suppose to eat 3 meals a day and that is it. But guess what 5 weeks later, I am eating my 3 meals a day but I am supplementing a protein shake twice a day for snacks and most days take in 100 plus grams of protein. I still have my days I struggle but they are fewer and further between. My first month I lost 5lbs and 9 inches. I am hoping to lose 4 lbs this month and I will finally be out of the 150's.. While what a mile stone, I have not been this petite since high school. I used to think a goal of 132 was unreachable but I am finding out if you have the right attitude you can make anything work. Now don't get me wrong I have my ups and downs with the band but for the most part this is the best thing I every did for me. And seriously it really is all about me at this time. This is my chance, my time and my journey. Lap band is not an easy journey, it is paved with trials and tribulations. It will test your passion, it will test your commitment, you will have to fight temptation on a daily basis. There will always be food and lots of it, you have to realize that food to you is no different than alcohol is to an alcoholic or drugs are to a drug addict. My journey has consisted of distancing myself from temptations, I do not allow certain foods in my house or more specifically in my cabinets or fridge. I have no control of what others do but I do have control over what I put in my mouth. I find my self more aware of what others eat and I often think, man I used to eat like that and look where it got me. I think now my goal has become an obsession, I work my butt off, 3 days with a trainer, 6 days a week of cardio and logging religiously every morsel I eat. I have a new set of fears now, I used to fear not losing weight, my new fear is how will I maintain? I am trying to make exercise routine and part of my life. To all you newbies and those weighting to have surgery and lose of you who are struggling, stay positive, stay focused and if you detour, forgive yourself, pick you up and move forward. We can all get caught up in the soulda, coulda, woulda! Look at everyday as a new beginning. Good luck to all of you and if you know a nurse be extra special to them this week, this is our week to celebrate. It is national nurse week, so hug your favorite nurse this week and tell her how much you appreciate what she does.

Well this is my first blog on this site. I have this itch to write some thoughts out but I find my other online blogs pretty lonely. I have a livejournal that I frequent occasionally but it seems none of my friends on there are active anymore. And I have a tumblr but my friends that I've added don't add me back so I'm feeling a little lonely on the blog part. It's not so much that I want comments, I really appreciate them, but more than anything I just want to feel like at least I have the potential to reach somebody.. anybody. There is something that is very hard for me to deal with and I don't really know where I can talk about it with open arms. I just feel that if I put it out there that someone, somewhere is going to use it against me like what had happened on another website in the past (obesityhelp). I have a disorder called borderline personality disorder. Basically it is very hard to explain and pretty complex. BPD is not a chemically induced problem but rather learned behavior from a traumatic childhood of some sort. They say it is usually linked to familial problems but I had more problems from my school mates and people in the neighborhood constantly beating on me and making fun of me, that is what the doctors think was the trigger at least. I've ALWAYS been fat my whole life since I was like 8 but before that my sister was probably the culprit. There are things that I have only had a teeny tiny light shed on that she did to me but I do not even remember that specifically. I just remember the other parts. I have this in addition to OCD, so instead of having a life full of drug or sex addictions, I have addictions to other things that are repetitive in nature. I do a lot of video games because I take to them and I can get "lost" in them as I become addicted to them without much health risk. I get "addicted" to crafting things with my hands, like arts and crafts. I do a lot of jewelry crafting and other crafts that allow me to "obsess" over learning to make. I've sort of contorted that way as a means of managing my problem on my own with BPD and not being a statistic. Apparently BPD is curable and is usually cured as the person ages, but it doesn't always happen. I also have read that a lot of people with BPD never make it to older ages because they are prone to suicide before then. I feel I manage decent on my own but I am not perfect. I can keep myself from unhealthy habits such as drugs or alcohol or shopping, but I can't seem to control my thoughts. And I wonder how this will effect me in the long run of the WLS process. I don't think that it will be an issue with food because I have come to face that addiction and I don't get addicted to food like I do other things like my crafting. It's not the same. Food is a whole other subject for me. It's something that my family values a lot and Chef's run in my family down my fathers side. There is always gourmet food and lots of it around. Lots of fried foods and delicious elaborately cooked cunconctions that are just so delicious but not really healthy. I've never learned how to eat right or the right portions so basically trying to diet is so foreign to me. I don't understand how things go together with food (unfortunately that is never a craft I took to) although I can cook but I pretty much have to stick to a recipe because my brain just does not put things together with food very well. It's just hard for me. From the ages of 13 to around 19 I was what you may know as a cutter. I use to cut myself. I have not done it since around 18 but I say 19 because I had a little slip up that year. I have overcome that obstacle, as well. I had lots of therapy and psychological evaluations and drug trials but in the end it was something I quit doing on my own. But I will always utilize things I learned from my counselors. I had one counselor that had learned of my fascination with a book from school called Sadako and the 1000 Paper Cranes. We had learned as a school project how to make origami paper cranes and I took to making them very well that I got an award in class. That was in 5th grade. I had this counselor when I was about 15. So in the book when Sadako was in the hospital with leukemia, her friend had taught her the origami cranes to keep her occupied and they hung them from the ceiling until she passed. And I just loved that book, it reached out to me for some reason. So my counselor asked me to teach her how to make the cranes, and we would each make a crane of a different color paper and size each session we had. When I stopped seeing this counselor she flattened each crane and placed them in a box that we decorated together. I still have that box. I am by no means a hoarder, but I take to things that hold sentimental value. When my Mamaw passed away, my great aunt sent home her purse full of some personal belongings that were originally in that purse but some not. I asked my mom when she brought it home to me because I couldn't go to the funeral, what my sister had gotten. My mother told me nothing, she didn't have many personal belongings left because she went through a phase where she was giving away her belongings to people at church (she had dementia). I asked my mom, why did I get all of this then and nothing for her? She said, Thelma (my aunt) thought I ought to have it because she knew I take more value in things like that, the sentiment. It's so true that I do. Not everything do I keep but just little trinkets here or there from times in my life or people or memories of either. I don't know. Since I'm not going through with the WLS with insurance I am curious if they will still ask me for a psychological evaluation. Should I get one even if they don't because of this problem? Does anyone else have any sort of personality disorder or borderline? I'm so afraid of making a post in a forum because I don't want to be judged. I am not crazy nor incapable of doing things for myself. I am very smart and very much capable of working and things. I take no medications although I'm sure someone would try to put me on some but after having so many problems arise from medications I decided to self-help and I feel it has been good for me. I did in my teens along with cutting have issues with sex and drugs but I have overcome that on my own and I feel that I have a pretty good idea of how to keep myself from going to any bad place like that as I've not slipped up since those times. Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. Having BPD really makes things a lot harder on the brain aspects of things. I can usually catch myself when I am thinking too irrationally and all but sometimes I do get confused about being in denial, too under exaggerated or if I am being too much. Is there anyone out there who understands this, at all, whatsoever? Am I alone? Reference link: http://www.mayoclini...isorder/DS00442

On the subject of the artificial sweeteners debate, I pulled this from americanpregnancy.org, the only government run, FDA approved pregnancy website in the USA. For informational purposes. On the definitions page of this same website, moderate use it described as 1-3 times weekly average use, or less than once daily on medications. Fairy, I'd think about the 4x weekly Sweet n Low use. It's my favorite sweetener too, but I've resorted to using reg sugar or 2 Splendas in it's place until baby is out. Read on: Aspartame: (Equal or NutraSweet) Aspartame is not effective in heat nor for long periods in liquid form. It is often found as an additive to soft drinks, gelatin, desserts, pudding mixes, breakfast cereals, beverages, chewing gum, dairy products, and other foods and drugs. According to the Food and Drug Administration(FDA), Aspartame is safe for use during pregnancy and lactation. It is recommended to limit consumption to a moderate level. Aspartame should not be used by anyone with PKU (a rare metabolic disorder), rare liver disease, or by pregnant women who have high levels of phenylalanine in their blood. Phenylalanine is a component of aspartame, and it may not metabolize correctly in anyone who has these conditions. Sucralose: (Splenda) This is non-caloric sweetener that is made from sugar. Sucralose has been approved for use in baked goods, baking mixes, non-alcoholic beverages, chewing gum, coffee and tea products, confections and frostings, fats and oils, frozen dairy desserts and mixes, fruit juices, sugar substitutes, sweet sauces, toppings and syrups. It can also be used as “table-top sweetener.” Sucralose has no effect on blood sugar, offers no calories, and is deemed safe during pregnancy and lactation. According to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), sucralose is safe for everyone to consume, including pregnant women. What artificial sweeteners are questionable or NOT safe to use during pregnancy? Saccharin: (Sweet 'N Low) Although it is not used as much today as in the past, it still appears in many foods, beverages and other substances. The FDA does consider saccharin to be safe to use for the general public. Former studies that had linked saccharin to an increased risk of developing bladder cancer have been dismissed by the National Toxicology program. But studies do show that saccharin crosses the placenta and may remain in fetal tissue, so its use for pregnant women still remains in question. . What artificial sweeteners are questionable or NOT safe to use during pregnancy? Saccharin: (Sweet 'N Low) Although it is not used as much today as in the past, it still appears in many foods, beverages and other substances. The FDA does consider saccharin to be safe to use for the general public. Former studies that had linked saccharin to an increased risk of developing bladder cancer have been dismissed by the National Toxicology program. But studies do show that saccharin crosses the placenta and may remain in fetal tissue, so its use for pregnant women still remains in question.